WALLOWA CHIEFTAIN.
ENTERPRISE OREGON.
It ! a'.r-v-urd
t. f.r.
r:S easy to for;
re as U it
In sld.t::. Et?. satar.
prohr.biy i : tr -do-d n.i.tit-y u.to the
A Ft r.::v:-.;r.i.. ..:. ;.;.t:r.. a e:
nine ::. L. 1 aok yard. Mr. Baer ci.y
regard ti.. as a cse of ,;;r;U;i.
A
:s i. b: fvideLtiy
Evident:;- Lord I-undtuUd
. t:.:L' t- Tr-..j'.:.
tbo..rd tie ;. Cdtiad;.
t-i.
O'Etejrary i:: a clumn artiolo
cs -H. w to L:vc sre::ty Years." Tic
tt 1 to ti- a':-.ut -.aett.:u;
tl
"e virilf.te lo eoii-ien la saying
Tiat tie asaousovvt tiat Mr. I'eary
C.l ot ;u::e reaci tie ;vie tas ooca-fciose-i
io frrfit far; r:t.
One cf Erifriaz: Tout.y's graaisi.ns l?
tinr ieii u: a ciarre x,; murder. It
was iuirdly o tave bcc expected tiat
tiey would all rara out well.
After a plane over Eacy of tae enr
rect Esxaxies tie opit;on of tie read
er is tiat tie author who yets t!s work
next to advertisn. tuaner U la great
lack.
The French p.-'veruinent has decided
to keep a watciuian on Mount Pelee to
feel tie volcano's pulse. Sume day the
volcano s foot will slip acaia and tiey
will get a new wateituan.
The Princes di San Faustino, for
merly of New York, who beat her maid
bo severely la P...a.e the other day tiiat
they had to taie her to the hospital
must come frutu soae of our good old
fishtii-i; stck.
Prince Victor Luleep Sinh has pne
Into bankruptcy, ascribing his difticul
ties to the niggardliness, of the British
government, which allows Lini only
S3o..'. a year fur being a prince. Poor
chap. Eis case shows that Americans
who must bow to the dictates of the
coal trust are nt the only ones who are
6hamefully treated.
Baron Bnnsen, son of a former, was
proud to beiont: to "that kernel of the
nation, the cultivated and cultivating
class of society." Iioubtiess many per
sons of pretensions, learning that the
tanners of the United States will prob
ably realize two billion dollars cash
from the curreut cereal-crop, would
themselves like to belong to the "culti
vating" class.
Lingulstoloy is the latest craze In
Paris. If one prefers to call It glossom
ancy. well and good. Under either
name It means tongue reading, and It
threatens to compete with palmistry.
A big tongue, it seems. Indicates frank
ness: a short tongue dissimulation; a
long and broad tongue, garrulity and
generosity; a narrow tongue, concentra
tion and talent: a short, broad tongue,
parruliry and untruth. The man with
a very short and narrow tongue la a liar
of true artistic merit.
We are apt to lay great stress upon
our foreign commerce, but the com
bined registered tonnace In the foreign
trade at New York. Boston. Philadel
phia. Baltimore. New Orleans. San
Francisco and Puget 8ound for the en
tire year 1901 was li.tS.S tons en
tered and lS.4ST,i'4t tons cleared, or
somewhat more than half the total ton
nage reported for the great lakes dur
ing the seven months of V.TZ. Eventu
ally, when this great chain of lakes Is
connected with the Atlantic by fitting
canals, only the Imagination can con
ceive the vast commerce they will bear.
Mr. Bleasby was a curate for rwen-ty-three
years, and then lost his place.
He made 470 applications In vain, and
then hied himself to a convenient poor
house, and took up his abode there as
a pauper. That Is the English way.
Over here, after about two weeks of
searching for a suitable position, an
American Mr. Bleasby would have
been found doing something anything
to make a living. We have doctors
-and dentists taking fares on the trol
ley cars, working on farms or sweep
ing out offices: men of all profession
doing drudgery, because It Is neces
sary, and it is the spirit that makes
successful men. One wonders if it
ever occurred to Mr. Bleasby to go to
work.
Not long ago a 10-year-oid Hartford.
Com... Uv. 5'!s::;nsr In New York, saw
a street car drawn by horses. and asked
his fathr what it was. He had been
born since tij introduction of the trol
ley car. ci.d the horse car was as
strange to Lin as a Connecticut road
filled with a drove of cattle on their
way to the New York market would
be to Lis fatier. If the adult can
get the point of view of the child be
will appreciate soin-.vLat the extent
of the revolution in transportation
methods that has t.tken place within
twenty years or less. The horse car
ban disnppenred from the cities, save
on one or two short liij-s in New York,
and street cars have leen introduced
In small. cits and large villages where
they were unknown. Then, too, subur
ban villages have b-en connected with
cities by electric car lines, and the
rural districts which had no railway
I conveniences are traversed by tie trol- '
! ley c.r. Consequently, the stage coacix,
I tiot carried Tie uat and freight
j and a few passenger, has found Its '
! occupation fast disxpjiesring. A: t '
..:e t:n;e tie bus'.: of the rural
s:or.'.a: has been Is, red because tU
old customers go to t"wa to do their
tr.i AU th;s ha changed tie cca
d:t: : of rural life, end '.: has bev:
.:. w-tu ty a shifting of po;u;L:.ou
r-'U; tie cvut-.rry to tie town and fr. ;a ;
t- vi-r. to tie v::try. Tie pert'ee
: r. of tie auto::; -bile. wMca U n -vr
; ;'raoi.:.;. -;;: produce a stlU great
" trv.:.s'v-rt;;.t:o:. Tie auto:.ob;ie is
out:.l t.. le raorv t!a a n.y for u:;'.-r.iiirv-s
d'.t-".:-- ti.;i tiy jv!o will hv
-;urvi or k:ld ty ;t before ;t corses
ge:r.: us.?. Tien. with tie p...,!
.ads r.. w .b:1.'.-.cc la vert-n. rt of
-f t":.rry. tiere will come & still
populati
for
c- r.- eu.enov of tie tw vr.li be t.fc.ea
to tie li ve of tie .iwe-ler la tie coun
try, and rttral jotka will be a ti.:u
of tie past.
"Tiere are a:ai;y titrs for some of
to do. ani tie rv are some for uauy
of us to d j. But there Is oae tiin? for
! eery 0L:e of u to do. and that is to
"Cieer: Cieer: Cheer"' So writes
tie your jiresidect of Adrian Coliece.
; Aid he voievs a great truth. All of
: us eamot do preat or brnve tilnsrs.
j But we csji all cheer. When a strong
' Ziaa w;ti gtacer- pcrttoee stands up la
tie tvoliticsi arena and fiehts for th
: people's rifrits we can a'd ch-er. When
ir.y man la whatsoever station does
hi
is duty we can cheer. When any wom
an hold a loyal purpose and is true to
It we c&a cheer. And do you fcaow
thct In battle a hearty cheer to half the
victory? The line wavers. TL shot
and shell decimate the ranks. It Is the
critical moment. Then the lender
snouts. "Cheer: Cheer: Cheer:" Mor
al courage and the wild thrill of en
thusiasm take the piace of the stub
born but fulling physical bravery and
the redoubt Is woe. Many a brave
soul falU la the battle of life for the
want of a cheer. Some men feel In
stinctively the need of cheering aid
deliberately seek to extort It from their
fe'.'.ow men. They compel the world to
ch-er. Others, fully as brave, wait for
it. long for It and die without it. Cheer:
Cheer! Cheer: It costs little effort.
It Is the natural Impulse of the heart
when the heart k rid of selfishness and
Jealousies and cnvylngs. Y'ou may not
be able to win a single victory hi life
for yourself, but you can win a hun
dred victories by proxy if you will
cheer, when you have an opportunitv.
a hundred stirring souls. Blessings
on the head of him who heartily cheers
another on his way. When he gets to
the portals of heaven and St. Peter
asks what he has done he need not
hang his heud when he says: "I
cheered."
Testerday my boy was 16 years of
age. What can I say to him. and the
boys like him. through this printed
page? First, I can urge him to be a
boy as long as he can be. And he can
be a boy a long time. In many things
I would like to have him be a boy
always. In some respects I want al
ways to be a boy myself. Never get
too old to kiss your mother, my boy.
nor to salute your dad with affection.
Io not take care to have your clothes
correct and your heart impure. Many
men do that way. Do not put a dam
per on your hearty laugh because some
one says It Is bad breeding. An ounce
of laugh Is worth a pound of dignity.
God Almighty's way Is better than so
ciety's way. Smile and laugh your
way through life. If you-can. It Is easi
est. It doesn't harm, but helps the
other fellow. I want to be patient
with yoa. my son. for I am dealing
with soul-stuff. I cannot tell you how
much I respect what Is good In you
the God In you. I cannot tell you how
much I love you at all. No father can.
I don't know what you may be. I take
off my hat to what you may become.
Abraham Lincoln, at your age, was
freckled, barefooted, lank and lean.
The Corslcan boy who stopped the
growl of Europe with a lash at 26. was
not so tall as you at 16. The band did
not play all the time for these men.
remember, my son. Destiny waits for
you around the comer. I wish I could
rule Destiny, then I could guide you
correctly. But I cannot do that I
cannot even bequeath my experience
to you. You and Destiny must fight
the thing out But bear this In mind:
Whoever you become, whatever you
may be. you will always be, you must
needs always be. to me my boy:
The Cycling "Scorcher."
Whence does tbe "Scorcher" derive
his dishonored name? asks a writer In
the Chronicle. A recently published
Platonic Dialogue on bicycling sugcesis
a resemblance to the squirrel with its
rapid motion and the clutch of Its fore
paws and the Greek squirrel called
himself "skiouros." Hence "s'juiour
chers" or "scorchers." This need not
be taken very seriously, for neither the
average scorcher nor the policeman
who tries to arrest Llm Is familiar with
Greek. Webster notices the word, but
shirks the orig.n. To "scorch." he says,
is to "ride very rapidly, especially on a
bicycle." After all It Is probably only
an extension of the common phrase
"the pare was hot."
A Worthy Citizen
Broadway Van Astor lives a very
unobtrusive life.
Manhattan Yes. Indeed. Ton never
see his name In the paper except once
a year, when he is swearing off bis tax
es. Judge.
A Formidable Cndertaking.
"Maud is going to be quite literary."
"What Is she doing now?"
"She's taking a course in the titles of
all the books published this year."
WHITE HOUSE OF A
1
TnE.
UE?TS at White House functions dnrine the winter will enter by the way of the old est drive, now being opened,
and will traverse the coiunnmied wins being restored at the east side of the building. These two wins, one npon
:he west side, were the orixinnl conception of Thomas Jefferson and stood for some years early in the last century.
the east wing until after the Civil War.
The wing to the west of the building, which connects the new executive office with the White nouse proper, serve
as a perfect mode! for the reconstruction of the colonnaded walk npon the st side. This was remoTed during the ad
ministration of President Andrew Johnson.
Though the old cuts of the White House showed these two wings. It was doubted by many If any such an addition
ever stood to the east of the Executive Mansion. This doubt was put to rest by the workmen uncovering the oricinal
foundation and by numerous people in Washington who distinctly remeniberid iu existence. This restoration is the most
material made in connection with the historic structure.
ABANDONS SOCIETY.
Rich Ma to Devote Uia Life to Dwell
ers in tbe Slums.
Edward C. Coate. formerly a Buffalo
stock speculator, has forsaken business
and liecome a tenement-house dwelier.
He is now living in
the old Wood build
ing in Scott street,
that city. Tie room
he o.vupies isdllap
idated and scanti
ly furnished. His
food is of the piain
esi and he wears
clothes tiat are
faded and tat
tered. This sudden
change in the for-
I'M
--
ft r
-i-?-. -
-wv;
EI'WAKI. C. COATE
mer speculator's mode of living is not
due to business reverses. He Is now
worth $1."m., is known as a shrewd
Investor, and several of the more im
portant Industrial enterprises bear his
mime on their directorate. Coate has
seen fit to abandon his pursuit of
wealth solely to aid the poor people of
Buffalo's tenement-house district.
Several years ago. through the offi
ces of a society organized by wealthy
people, for the purpose of relieving the
tenenient-hoise conditions, he became
vitally interested In the solution of the
social problem. Gradually his interest
in the work drew him away from his
business Interests, and his friends were
not at all surprised one day when he
announced that hereafter he would de
vote the gresiter part of his time to
the relief of the poor persons In whom
he had interested himself.
Little by little he lost his Identity in
the social circle In which he had mov
ed: he was absent from the social gath
erings, and could no more be relied
upon for active participation In the
thousand and one movements inaug
urated by society. In fact, he became
practically a recluse.
It was while society was commenting
on the unusual and unexplainable
course be bad taken that his mother,
practically his only relative, died, on
her deuthbed. she gave her approval of
the life he has chosen. The sale of the
Coate home followed her death closely
and Edward Coate severed all connec
tion with the life In which he was rear
ed. Then he became a social recluse in
fact
Gathering only sufficient house fur
nishings as befitted the new home he
had chosen, he moved to the old Wood
building, in Scott street, where he has
lived ever since. This occurred two
years ago. And here Edward Conte.
son of a wealthy family and recipient
of all that society can give in the way
of advancement and refinement choos
es to spend his days. He hopes some
day to build a home for these people
who fall nnder Dame Fortune's ban
a place where they may live and earn
their living by means best suited to
their ability.
MAN WITH THE $1,000 BILL.
lie Kecnred Smaller Money by an In
cenioua Bcbeme.
Of a man with a thousand-dollar bill
in his pocket and no smaller amount
of money a story has been written that
traced him through many experiences
and took him to the verge of starva
tion. But. as a matter of fact one
man who hud nothing smaller than a
thousand-dollar bill got through his
difficulty very easliy in New York a
few nights ago.
Ten of these coveted promissory
notes of the United States had been
paid to him in the afternoon. In the
pursuit of business and a modicum of
pleasure he had. after the receipt of
his $X). siient the last dime he pos
sessed other than the big bills. He
was with some friends, any one of
whom could and would have accommo
dated him with sufficient money for
his needs, but a discussion arose about
what he would do If he were a stran
ger In the city and had no money other
than that which was In his pocket.
i -
I
HUNDRED YEARS AGO,
C0L0NNADE.D WALK OH TMC WCST.
WNNtCTItiQ THE. YMHrTt HOC' St AND TXICUTIVt
DtlNO RLSTOKtD
"I wouldn't care If I were dressed
as a U-ggar." he said. "I can get all
I want so long as I have a thousand
dollar bill In my pocket."
"Y'oa would lie arrested or turned
down if you tried to use It" said one.
"There are not many places where
fl.inj ia change is kept handy. Be
sides, most people would be shy of
taking such a bill from any of us. We
don't look as though we carried $l.ow
blis around in our pockets."
"Well," said the man with the S10.
ii. "I'll liet that I can spend my
money us freely as though these were
So bills instead of what they are. and
I won't have any trouble atiout It
either. I'll get change the first time I
try. too. or lose the bet And I won't
go to any man who knows me."
The wager was accepted, and the
man with flD.iXNj. taking one friend
with him. walked out to a pawnshop.
He said to the clerk only this:
"I have received Jlu.OuO in ten bills
They are mine and were come by hon
estly. It is difficult for me. a stran
ger, to get a thousand-dollar bill
changed. Here are the ten bills. Look
at them. I need some money, and I
want to pawn one of these bills for
.-). If you are afraid of me call up
police headquarters and I will satisfy
the people there by papers that I can
show that I ddi honest. Or. If you like.
call up Mr. . who paid the money
to me, and he will tell you that I am
all right."
The pawnbroker looked at him keen
ly for a second and then said:
"I never took money as a pledge, but
you are solier and seem all right and
you enn have the J5. Give me the
thousand-dollar bill"
The pawnbroker examined the bill
carefully, says the New York Trib
une, and then, to the astonishment of
the others, took another thousand-dollar
bill out of his safe and compared
them. Then. Just as he would make
out a ticket for a ring or a watch, he
issued a ticket for a "thousandKlollur
bill." turned over the J5 and closed
the transaction.
j HOW HUSBANDS ARE SPOILED.
Some Women Make Them Selfish and
Forget Considerat.on for Others,
I Men cau not be chivalrous and self
denying if women do not give them
; the chunce or cultivate those noble
! qualities. Instead of this some fondly
foolish wives encourage their husbands
; In Idleness and selfishness by not de
manding and even insisting upon that
attention, consideration and help
i which every woman, much more a
wife, may claim from a man. says the
j Scotsman.
Sometimes It Is a woman's "highest
i pleasure" to bear all her husband's
; burdens. To secure this highest bur
den she makes him weak, inefficient
and childishly selfish. If she had tak
en a proper stand and respected her-
seir and her sex during the til n year
of married life things would h. '.3 been
very diSerent "To be ever beloved
one must be ever agreeable," so ' It
Is most foolish, as well as wrong, for
a young woman, when married, to lay
aside those graces and accomplish
ments that won her her husband. It
is this sort of thing that made Swift
say that "the reason why so few mar
riages are happy Is because young wo
men spend their time in making nets,
not In making cages."
Think It. the husband gained, that all
is done;
The prize of happiness must still be
won.
And oft the careless find it to their
cost.
The lover in the husband may be lost
Young wife suppose you were to
come down late one morning and find
the coffee cold, what would you do?
Her husband My dear, I should
make It warm for you.
Of course a husband ought not to
expect much when he is unpunctual at
meals, but still it is never safe for
a wife to disregard tbe precept, "feed
the brute."
NOW BEING RESTORED
The following remedy has been sug
gested for a delicate wife: "For a
slight headache give her a dozen pairs
of gloves: If It grows worse, a new
gown. In extreme cases a new hut
has been known to produce Instant re
lief. For nervous debility, a new horse
and carriage; for dullness, a theater
ticket: extreme weakness, a trip to
the sea; nervous Irritability, invite the
lion of the season to dinner."
We do not advise n man to begin his
married life by administering drugs
in this way. for the domestic pharma
coiHieia would soon lie exhausted, but
there Is oue thing he ought to do, nud
that is to abstain from nagging (men
can nag as well as women I, arousing
Jealousy and every other action that
may even remotely Injure the health
of his wife.
Who has not heard of a bad-husband
headache, or one brought on by
the worrying and fault-finding of a
selfish man? A man Is always bound
to protect the health and happiness of
his wife, but this Is especially the
ense during the first year of marriage.
And the wife, on her part, ought for
the sake of others. If not for her own
sake, to think more of her health than
of dancing about from one kind of
dissipation to another. Ignorance of
the laws of nature does not make a
young woman more Innocent or lietter
In any way. and It may destroy or
blight her married life. I
ROBIN TACKLES A HAWK.
Ked Breast's Brave and Sncceaafnl
Figrht to Save a Chicken.
It Is well known that the hawk, no
matter how fierce and big he may be,
has no terror for the kingbird. It Is
a common sight in the springtime,
when they are breeding, to see one of
these plucky little chaps mercilessly
following, pecking and driving away
a great bird of prey a dozen times its
size. A merchant who was camping
out on the Chelsea Mills learned that
the kingbird is not the only small bird
bold enough to attack and drive away
the robbers of the air.
The man wus approaching a farm
yard one morning for his suonlr of
milk, when a commotion amoug" the
; poultry drew his attention to a large
; hen-hawk which was sailing away
with a good-sized chicken in its talons.
The poor old hen was doing Its best
to prevent the raid. With much squall
ing she ran along and tried to use
her clumsy wings in flight after the
thief.
Just as the hawk rose to the level of
the tree-tops a robin, which had evi
dently been taking measures to assist
j tllp mother, sprang from a limb
right atop the hawk, with a shrill cry
of rage. So fiercely did the game red
breast use Its sturdy bill upon, the
hawk's back, at times even alighting
j upon It to peck to better advantage,
; that after a good deal of maneuvering!
ling it Impossible to escape this per
sstent foe. It dropped Its prev and
turned upon the robin. Eut the brave
liuie nira was by no means fighting
for fighting's sake, and ns soon as the
chicken had been restored t it-
i darted back to Its tree and began a
song oi rejoicing.
Poet Won Against Time.
"Champion poet of the town, is he?"
Inquired the summer boarder
"Yes. sir." replied the postmaster
"his record Is three an' a half hours"
better'n the next fellers."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Why, he wrote a rwom , .
New ors and got it back In twenty-
i uiiaaeipnia Press.
Alcohol and Oranges.
When people crave for alcohol, the
orange cure has been found of service
The Juice Is expressed into a glass
and should be taken Just as It Is. pure
The acid In It is a remedy for the dial
eased bodily state which has produced
the craving for drink.
A woman who spends all her Urns
buying clothes Is not admired.
MACKAY AS A NEWSPAPER MAN.
Owaid Pablicattoa, bat Finally Da.
-aoli-hed the Office.
John W. Mnckay was once a news
paper proprietor. It Is said that he
swore and gave more violent exhibi
tioii of temper on two different occa
sions during the short time that Fred
Hart was editor of his paper the Ter
ritorial Enterprise, of Virginia Ci-v
Nevada than he ever did again during
his lifetime. Hart was the editor of
the Enterprise for three months ia
1S), and they were "a lively three
mouths. He had a deserved reputation
as a brilliant and caustic writer, and
the circulation of the paper began to
go up af ler he took charge of It, James
U. Fair wus at that time a candidate
for the United States Senate, and poli
tics was sizzling throughout the coun
try. Before nart had been In Virginia
City many wevks be one eveulug over
estimated his capacity for a certsjn
burning red Culd dispensed la er?at
Quantities In that mining town, ne''
was filled with a doslre to do some
thing, startling. As a consequence the
Enterprise came out tbe next morning
with an editorial headed "Slippery
Jim." Under this caption were two
columns of cutting sarcasm about
Fair's character and history, and ridi
culiug the Idea that such a man should
be sent to the Senate.
When Mackay read the paper, he
nearly burst with wrath. He fairly
ran to the newspaper office and npon
the head of the first man he met let
loose a torrent of Invective which
wound np with:
"I won't have my partner Fair
abused and belled In my paper by any
body. I've a mind to take a sledge and
smash the bloody preset
After Mackay had cooled down a lit
tle, he was cajoled Into keeping Hart
as editor. All went well for a few
weeks, until one morning Mackay no
ticed an editorial headed. "The Alta
Steal." It was a vigorous denuncia
tion of the Alta Mining Company and
Its methods, and Intimated that the
controlling spirits ought to be in pris
on. Mackay and a number of other
prominent men controlled the com
pany, and they swooped down on the
office. Looking out of the window of
his office. Hart saw them coming. Be
fore they reached the door he had van
ished out of the rear entrance to the
bullding. The next heard from him he
was In California. He never returned
to Virginia City.
KING'S ANCIENT FAMILY.
The King of Spain comes of an an
cleut family, that of Bourbon. It is
trnced back to Koliert the Strong, who
died fighting the Normans in SCO. The
direct ancestry of the Spanish house.
Bourbon-Anjou, is considerably young
er, having at Its head Louis XIV.,
King of France, who was born Sept.
5. 1G3S. The Immediate ancestry of
King Alfonso dates back to Ferdinand.
Prince of Asturla. born Oct 14. 17S4
He married In 1801. Irlncess Antoi
nette Therese. a daughter of Ferdi
nnnd I.. King of Sicily, who died
shortly nfter the marriage. A second
marriage was contemplated with the
eldest daughter of Luclen Bonaparte,
but this so enraged the Spanish people
that the King had to abdicate. May C,
1808, says the Washington Times. He
resumed the Spanish throne again in
March. 1814. and then married Maria
Isabella, daughter of King John VL
of Portugal, who died four years later.
Ferdinand's third wife was Josepha,
daughter of Prince Maximilian of Sax
ony, who also died, and a fourth wife
w-as Marie Christine, daughter of
King Faneis I. of Sicily, who became
the mother of former Queen Isatiella
II. Since then the ancestry of King
Alfonso Is of sufficient modern date to
preclude repetition.
SENATOR CLARK'S WIT.
How He EqnelcheJ a "Nervy" Ton
j aorial Artist.
I A story Is going the rounds in Butte
which quite aptly represents the busi
ness methods adhered to by United
States Senator W. A. Clark, the multi
, millionaire miner, banker and manu
facturer. i Upon his return from the East the
Senator visited a barber shoi for the
purpose of having his hair trjinmed. lie
inquired for a certain baiSLi whose
ability had been 'recommended to the
Senator bj his son, Charles ,W-
Upon the completion of Ue Jb ne
Senator inquired the amount, of his bill,
whereupon the tonsorlal artist calmly
replied:
"Charley usually gives me $5."
The Senator was taken by surprise,
but, regaining his vits, asked: "But
what Is the usual charge for such a ser
vice?". "Fifty cents," rescinded the barber.
"Well." said Senator Clark, with a
smile, accordiug to the New York
Times, "Charley has a rich father and
I have not," whereupon he handed the-
barber CO cents and departed.
A Foreigner's Dilemma.
An intelligent foreigner recently ex-
pressed himself thus as to what struck
him as the absurdities of tbe English
language:
"When I discovered that if I was
quick I was fast; if I stood firm I was
fast; if I spent too freely I was fast;
and that not to eat was to fast I was
discouraged; and when I came across
the sentence, "The first one won a one
dollar prize,' I was tempted to give up
English and try some other language."
Squeaking Shoes.
To prevent shoes and boots squeak
ing put a few drops of oil round the
shoe between the uppers and soles with,
a small oil can.