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Wit and Humor.
-The Muses.
A. bweet thing in combs Iloney.
Isles are found in every Bishop's
see.
An uncertain quantity a box of straw
berries. When a man is rooted to the spot, does
he branch out before he leaves f
Wmr are hand-cuffd like guide-books?
Because they are made for two wrists.
How should a wife speak to a grumb
ling husband? "My dear, I love you
$till."
A new comic song has been issued
called "The Gas Bill." It doubtless has
a very lorg meter.
A Utah paper says : "The pretty girls
in this territory used to marry Young, but
they won't do so any more."
Boxii Rcn has been made a post-office.
There was considerable of a stamp ede
ing.
there once, you remember. Hartford
Timet.
In England, recently, a mob broke up
the wedding of an old wretch of eighty
years, who was marrying a girl of eight-
een.
inoTOGB.APn.ER. "JNow, sir, it you
will look a little less as if you had a note
to pay, a little more as if you'd been left
a legacy, you 11 get a picture.
Mr. Campbell, of Newfanc, New
York, drank corrosive-sublimate instead
of champagne. These things shouldn't
be put up so much alike some Congress
man will be the next victim.
A little girl who was somewhat out
of sorts, but whose exact ailment no one
had been able to discover, amended her
evening prayer of "God bless papa and
mamma" by addinz "and cure me if
there's anything the matter with me."
Boston Transcript.
A Western member of Congress
lounged into the bar-room of a fashion
able up town hotel one morning recently,
to get his matutinal invigorator. When
the necessary utensils were placed before
him, the Iloosier statesman deliberately
hi led the glass to the brim with whisky.
"Goouness gracious," exclaimed the as
tonished bar-keeper, "that isn't a drink;
that s a temperance lecture."
Two enraged duelists meet upon the
dark and bloody ground. Just a3 their
sworda are about to be handed them the
first enraged duelist, in a voice trembling
with suppressed bravery, savs.- "One of
us two must remain on this field." "You're
talking," says the second enraged duel
ist. "And it shall be you," says the first
enraged duellist; "for I m going." (Gje3
with the velocity of a quarterhorse.)
The pious trooper, very much inebri
ated, is striving to clamber Into the sad
die, at every effort calling on a saint
"Saint Peter, to my aid," he hiccups,
"Saint Paul, lend me a hand I Saint
fiaens or oigmanngen, martyr, boost a
fellow upl" With a mighty' effort he
throws himself into the saddle and rolls
off on th other side of the horse. "Not
all together, you! One was enough,"
yells the pious trooper.
A good story is told of a Rochester. N.
Y.t deacon, who thought he re cognized a
young lady friend leading a little boy up
the street, and stepping to her side he
asked: "Why, Mary, where did you get
that child r" The scarlet face instantly
turned to his was that ot an entire stran
ger, and her quick reply fully satisfied
him. "I came by it honestly," was all
she said, and the good old man had some-
thing to think about all the way home to
dinner.
Two sailors happened to be on a mili
tary parade ground when the soldiers
were at drill, going through the evolution
of marking time. One sailor, observing
the other watching the movements of the
company very attentively, with eyes fixed
and arms akimbo, asked him what he
thought of it. "Well, Jack," replied his
comrade, "I am thinking there must be
a very strong tide running this morning,
for these poor fellows have been pulling
away this half hour, and have not got an
inch ahead yet."
A little fellow who has seen scarce
half a dozen summers, and at whose
home hens have been kept for but a few
weeks, visited a neighbor's a day or two
since to get company in his play, where
he was informed that his oft-time play
mate was suffering from chicken-pox.
The lady of the house, in tones of curios
ity not a little tinctured with solicitude,
asked the little fellow if they had had
the chicken-pox over at his house, aad
was much amused at the reply, with all
gravity: "No; we haven't had our hens
long enough yet." Providence Journal.
A Story of the Irish Bar.
A favorite story is told of a trial at
quarter-sessions in Mayo, which devel
oped some of the ingenious resources of
Paddy when he chooses to exercise his
talent in an endeavor not to pay. A doc
tor had summoned a man for the sum of
one guinea, due for attendance on the
man's wife. The medico proved his case,
and was about to retire, triumphant,
when the defendant humbly begged leave
to ask him a few questions. Permission
was granted, and the following dialogue
took place:
Defendant. "Dochtor, you remember
when I called on you?"
Doctor. "I do."
Defendant. "What did I say?"
Doctor. "You said your wife was
sick, and you wished me to go and see
her."
Defendant. "What did you say?"
Doctor. "I said I would if you'd pay
me my fee."
Defendant. "What did I say then?"
Doctor. "You said you'd pay the fee,
if so be you knew what it was."
Defendant. "What did you say?''
Doctor. I said I'd take the guinea first,
and may be more at the end, accordiug to
the sickness."
Defendant. "Now, dochter, by vartue
of jour oath, duln t I say,
'Kill or
cure I'll give you a guinea?"
And
didn't you say, 'Kill or cure, I'll take
ill' "
Doctor. "You did, and I agreed to the
bargain. And I want the guinea accord
ingly." Defendant. "Now, dochter, by vartue
of your oath, answer this. Did you cure
my wife?"
Doctor. "No, she's dead, you know."
Defendant. "Then, dochter, by vartue
of jour oath, answer this. Did you kill
my wife?"
Doctor. "No; she died of her ill
ness." Defendant, to the bench. "Your wor
ship, see this. You heard him tell our
bargain. It was to kill or cure. By var
tue of his oath, he done neither and he
axes the feel"
The verdict, however, went against poor
Pat, notwithstanding his ingenuity.
Chamber Journal.
That Awfal Phonograph.
Tbe phonograph is certainly the most
wonderful invention of this or any other
age, and the purposes to which it may
be devoted are niamlolu and surpris
Mrs. Carineen need no longer sit up un
til midnight for a late husband that
is, late coming home. She can now speak
her lecture in the diaphragm of the phon
ograph, attach one end of a cord to the
crank and the other end to the knob of
her chamber door, and retire to her downy
couch, with the sweet and comforting as
surance of having "spoken her mind"
where it will do the most good. Carmeen
will come sneaking in at 1 a. m., as usual,
and creep stealthily up stairs,but no soon
er does he open his bedroom door than
that awful phonograph will up and tell
him in his wife's well-known voice, what
she thinks of "such conduct as this,"
winding up with the stern command:
"Now, come to bed, you old fool, and
don't sit there blinking like a sick owl I"
And all the time this performance is in
progess, Mrs. Carmeen may be reveling in
sweet dreams, in which spring bonnets
and the latest lovely thing in polonaije
predominate.
The phonograph is also capable of
playing some pretty shabby tricks, and if
Deacon Peppers could have laid his
hands on the inventor, a few nights ago,
he would probably have torn him into
two thousand fragments more or less.
The Deacon is or rather was a good
man and a class-leader in the Brownsville
Church. He visited New York recently
and wandered into an establishment
where several phonograplvs were on exhi
bition and for sale. lie became much in
terested in the instrument: and when he
spoke into the mouth-piece of one of the
machines, and heard his own words
ground out with startling distinctness, he
manifested his astonishment in one pro
longed "W-h-e-w !"
Then a happy thought struck him. lie
usually made a brief address at class
meetings on Friday evenings, and he sud
denly conceived the idea of speaking his
piece in the phonograph, purchasing the
invention, and surprising the brethren and
sisters at the next meeting. The idea
was carried into executin to some ex
tent. The Deacon charged the phono
graph with an appropriate address, and
I whilst he was bargaining with the owner
for the instrument, in another part of the
room, a rough, bushy-whiskered individ
ual, attired in corduroy pantaloons, and
a speckled shirt, slipped in unobserved
and howled a lot of stuff into the same
machine. The Deacon paid for and car
ried ott the phonograph, entirely igno
rant ot the lrightful sentences injected
into it by the rough person, who, as sub
sequent events proved, was the intellect
ual driver of a mule-team, and not very
choice in his language.
The next day was Friday, and in the
evening the Deacon marched into the
church with hi? phonograph under his
arm, and his face illuminated with a ra
diant smile.
"My friends," he commenced, "I have
a little surprise for you. I do not intend
to address you this evening. I have
brought a substitute to speak for me.
This little instrument I have here (hold
ing up the phonograph) will now address
you briefly on your duty to the church
and suffering humanity."
Then the Deacon, with a smile extend
ing from ear to ear, gave the crauk a
couple of turns, and all the color faded
from his face as the phonograph thun
dered forth:
"Git up there! you dashed old cripple!
Whoa, Sal ! you blind "
It was awful.
The hair of the brothers in the front
pews stood straight up, a sister in the
back part of the house fainted dead away,
and the sexton yelled "fire !"
'There is some terrible mistake
here," gasped the Deacon, after a few
minutes of painful silence. "I must
have turned the crank the wrong way
or maybe the linch-pin is loose, or the
safety-valve ha3 lost a screw, or some
thing." And, perspiring at every pore,
the Daacon essayed another turn, and tbe
machine yelled:
"Gee, Bill! Where in the dashnation
are you going, you son of a muleJ Ped-di-whoa-aa!
Blast vour eyes, can't
you "
The awfulness became more awful.
Three more sisters fainted, several
brothers clapped their hats on their heads
and their fingers into their ears, and start
ed for the door shouting "police!"' and
the sexton hallooed "murder," while the
Deacon wildly clutched the phonograph
by the neck and choked it until it was
black in the face, and its eyes bulged out
an inch.
But 'twas no use. The internal ar
rangements of the machine were evidcu
ly demoralized, and the cylinder contin
ued to revolve, grinding out the most
frightful language ever heard outside of
a political ward convention; and when
the audience were saluted with "I'll
knock your dashed brains out, you long
eared" they didn't wait for the remainder
of the "address," but got up as one man
and one woman and made a dash for
the door in a decidedly panic-stricken
manner. The old deacon, with his face
the color of a small-pox flag, threw the
phonograph over the pulpit, sprang after
it, and kicked it down the aisle into the
street, where the sexton smashed it with
an axe, just as the Deacon's address be
gan to issue from its mouthpiece, and
then placed it under the hydrant and let
a stream of water run on it all night.
A committee was appointed on the
spot td investigate what appeared to be
the Deacon's highly improper and painful
conduct, and that well-meaning person
has concluded to move West and grow
up with the country. J. JI. W., in
Puck. '
A week since there appeared in a Paris
newspaper the following notice:
"A widow, young and good looking,
mother of four children, without fortune,
desires to marry a wealthy and honorable
man. Address B. R."
There were three replies to this letter.
A few days after this notice appeared, a
body was taken from the Seine, and from
evidence obtained it was the husband of
the lady now a widow. He had inserted
the advertisement finding it impossible
to support his wife and children. A re
ply to the advertisement had been sent
by a wealthy gentleman, and the husband
having ascertained that his intentions
were honorable, made his wife a widow
by drowning himself. The gentleman,
upon being informed of the facts, pledged
himself to educate the children, and
whether the next chapter will be a mar
riage is uncertain. Where is Enoch
Arden now?
A Baltimore man has been arrested
for playing ghost by dancing around at
night on the tops of houses in his
night-shirt, his object being to depreciate
property in his neighborhood so that he
could buy it cheap.
How to Restore the Navy.
"I have great faith," said the old Sea
Dog, rubbing his horny hands together,
"I have great faith in Putty. And I sup
pose if my predecessor in office had paid
more attention to Putty, the Navv
wouldn't be where it now i. I remem-
ber, he continued, with a sort of N. E
by S. glance at the post, "what Putty did
for me when I was a boy. I had a boat,
built by myself with my own jack-knife,
that carried a brown-paper main-sail, and
I thought it would beat any boat on the
raging Wabash. She looked well on the
kitchen table, but when I put her to sea,
she invariably went down. Invariably
fished, her up again but float she
wouldn't.
3Iany hours, alas, I sequestrated from
scholastic exercise to ascertain tbe rea
son for her lack of buoyancy, but with
out avail; tiu at last, one merning,
liureka! I discovered that tee chip, from
which she was constructed, was full of
worm-holes. Then, then I discovered
the use of putty. I
puttied up those
iTpri m v
worm-holes. Putty saved my boyhood's
craft, and Putty shall now save the
American Navy!"
And the hero of the Wabash canal
hitched up his trousers, yawed about the
room, and requested the reporter to shiv
er his tarry top-lights
Grog and tobacco rations being se-
cureu, uie reporter ventured to asK in
lit . - .
what way Putty wa3 to be used.
"If you were an older man," replied
the Secretary, "you wouldn't ask that
question. YY hat was the trouble with my
boat on the ragiog Wabash? Yorm-
eaten. What is the trouble with the
American Navy? Worm-eaten, tool"
"lou mean the hulls?" the reporter
asked.
"What d'yer say?" shouted the Secre
tary; "the hulls? Ye?, the hull darned
concern root, stock, an' branch!"
"Where would you propose to to
p-putty up the affair?'"- inquired the re
porter, in some trepidation.
This seemed to important a question
mat, ueiore answering it, me nero ot a
hundred canal-storms served another
grog ration. Then he hitched his chair
nearer the reporter and whispered:
"Right here! I'd commence right
here: The trouble with the American
Navy is that it's leaky."
. "The ships?"
"Shiver the ships! They don't amount
to fchucks. It's the bureaus that are
leaky."
Now the reporter had heard of orna
mental sideboards and rocking-chairs,
and other fancy furniture having been
put aboard ship by our luxurious naval
olhcers but bureaus more dear and
apiopos to the feminine soul than to
ships bureaus, never ! And if the bu
reaus did leas, how should that affect
the navy? Too much conjecturing made
the reporter sad, and he wanted to p-o
home, but duty forbade, and he could
only murmur, interrogatively, "Bureaus?"
"Ay, my hearty I ' cried the Secre-
tary, "they all leak. The Bureau of
equipment ana nepairs, tne liureau ot
lards and Docks, the Bureau of Con
struction, the Bureau of Steam Engi
neering, are all leaking. The Navy
Yards leak; we leak here and," with
a lurch to leeward, as he put his finger
to his nose, "I'm not sure but I'm leak
ing to you."
"But how is Putty going to help you?"
"Well, first and foremost, there's the
ships. We've got any quantity of iron
clads that would sink if they weren't
aground on the iron-rust that has scaled
from their sides. Now, water can't get
through putty. Why shouldn't I putty
the lron-cladsr'
"And the wooden ships?"
"Better and better! We've got dozens
of wooden ships with a heroic record,
that are only kept afloat by the buoy
ancy ot the barnacles on their bottoms
Putty is the thing for them, too."
"But your bureaus?"
The sad-eyed Navigator of the Wa
bash hove a sigh (nautically speaking, it
is the only thing he ever doe3 heave),
then ordered grog, and moodily re
marked :
"Grog is good !" lie remained suuk
in deep thought for many minutes, at
length he raised his head and asked:
"My son, when you were a boy, did
you ever play with Putty?"
"Certainly," the reporter replied; "ter
rible stuff! So soft ! so sticky ! Dough's
a delight compared to it!"
"Did you ever," inquired the Secre
tary, pursuing a train of thought, "did
you ever, when handling Putty, find it
possible to employ your hands in any
thing else?"
"Certainly not!"
Tiji n," cried the Secretary, "if I were
to supply plenty of Putty to the Bu
reaus, and mark it "Public Property,"
don't you think the Bureaus, with their
Commissioners and Deputies, and Second
Assistants, and the rest, would plunge
their hands in it to the relief of the
public treasury?"
"True," answered the reporter. "It is
so. Selah!" -
"It shall be done," murmured the tar
ry old shell-back, and, as he seemed to
be about to wear ship, the reporter pro
ceeded to withdraw. Puck.
If a boy were asked how much fire
crackers cost, he would probably answer
"about ten cents a bunch." An insur
ance company, however, might answer
differently. The season now approaches
when tbe fire-cracker will go about like
a roaring' fire-fiend seeking what it may
devour. The Fourth of July is the
fiend's carnival day, and last year he
scored a very satisfactory record. The
following statistics gathered from cities
in this countrv for the single month of
Julv. 1877. give the best argument that
could be desired for the suppression of
the fire-cracker : The figures have been
taken from the reports of near 3,000
cities, with a united population of over
12,000,000. Of these 12G cities reported
423 alarms from fire works and fire
crackers; 130 cities report 287 fire?, dam
aging property to the extent of $261,417;
175 cities report 528 casualties, of which
31 were fatal, 100 serious, and 391 slight.
Detroit Free Press.
OKEof the marvels of this age of emigra
tion and enterprise is the rapid settlement
of the Yellowstone valley. At the point on
Tongue river, where Gen. Miles encamped
in 1876, there is now a town with a pop
ulation of 1,000. The battle-fields of
Custer and his men are occupied by
farmers, and the country from which
Sitting Bull was driven is in the peace
ful possession of the pioneers of civili
zation. So?iE people scorn to be taught; others
are ashamed of it, as they would be of
going to school when they are old; but it
is never too late to learn what it is always
necessary to know; and it ia no shame
to learn as long as you are ignorant
that is to say, so 1odj as vre live.
Eating is a Torture,
And sleep often a mere travesty of repose, to
the dyspeptic. Appetite is correspondingly
impaired by this most prevalent 01 maiauies,
and headaches, biliousness, constipation, pov
erty of the blood, loss of flesh and of vitality,
and a thousand annoying and indescribable
Rpnsntirma nrn its roncornitail tS. It 18. more-
over, the progenitor of numerous and formi-
dable bodily disorders. Obstinate as it is,
however, its complete eradication may be ef
fected by the persistent use of llostetter's
stomacn enters, a meaicine wuicu iruuiuiuui
cates both vigor and regularity to the organs
of digestion and secretion, relaxes the bowels
gently but thorougblj-, enriches and purifies
the blood, promotes appetite, and gives tran
quility to the nervous system, rersons 01
weakly constitution and feeble physique who
use this superb tonic infallibly derive from it
the stamina of which they stand so much in
need, and it is invariably successful in reme
dying and preventing malarial diseases.
The Brooklyn.
Let us call the attention of visitors to San
Francisco that this old-time favorite Hotel,
Mder the able management of Messrs. Kelly
te Shields, is enjoying an increased degree of
all its old-time popularity. Mr. Shields is a
(renial, pleasant gentleman, and Air. John
Kelly, Jr., is too well known to the people of
this coast to need any commenuatiou oi ours.
The table is supplied with the best that the
market affords. The house is entirely reim-
vated--repainted and refurnished. Prices are
reasonable. Iu short, the Brooklyn is one of
the most desirable and pleasant Hotels in
the city in which to make yourhome during
your visit. "
Colored Shirts.
The greatest variety of 6tyles and at the
lowest rates are to be found at M. Hart's, 400
Kearny st., San Francisco. Samples of mate
rial for selection sent free. AH orders tilled
C O. D. to any part of the coast. Satisfaction
guaranteed. Address M. Hart, 400 Kearny st.
A Sure Remedy.
The season of fevers, chills and all classes
of bilious complaints is upon us again. A
remedy that k not only a 6ure preventative
but a certain cure should be in every house.
Such au one is the Yerba Buena Bitters, the
best cathartic and regulator iu use.
Help.
Do vouneed first-class heln for your hotel.
mill, farm or garden 7 If so, sena jour orders
to Crosett & Co., 023 Clay St., San Fi ancisco,
who will supply you at 6hort notice.
Wanted. A good Agent in every city.
town and village in the United estates, to
take subscriptions for the Commercial Ad
vocate, the only anti-Catholic and conserva-
live labor paper published iu America. Sub
scnption a year, iu udvance. Good in
ducements will be ouered to Agents. Write
for terms aud full particulars. Address Com
mehcial Advocate, o'Jb Montgomery .street,
Ban i rancisco. Cal.
Phisicians of high standing uuhesitaling
ly give their indorsement to the usi of the
Oraefen berg-Marshall's Catholicon for all fe-
inu.lv: complaints. 1 he weak and debilitated
find wonderful relief from a constaut use of
this valuable remedy. Sold by all ilruggistft
f LoO per bottle.
Meadows Magic Liniment Is a sure cure
for Neuralgia, Headaches, Uheuiuatisni, etc.,
or money refunded. It is sold by all drug
gists, at 50 cte. a bottle. Abrams te Carroll,
Agents, ban trancisco.
J. W. SHAEFFEK A (JO'S OKEEN SEAL
CIUAR3 are made from finest Havana To-
bacco. 823 Sacramento st.. San Francisco.
Fhotoskipiis ot superior finish at Morse's Palace
of Art, 417 Montgomery street, San Fraucii-co.
Bcttsbick & Co. 'a Patterns, umnu.-r styles. Send
stamp for catalogue. 1 2 4 Post St., baa Francisco.
Tkktu Saved. Filling Teeth a specialty. Bets of
Tee tli from tlO upward. Teeth extracted without
pain. UK. MOl'.FFEW, 10 Sutter street, S. F.
Au Photographs made at the New York Gallery
Nv.'CS Third bt.,S. K., are guaranteed to be first class
Prices to suit the times. J. 11. Picricus, Proprietor.
Foe the best Photographs aud the lowest prices go
to the old and reliable establishment of W.M. SHtiW
No. 115 Kearny street. Sail Francisco, established in
ltiSl, and formerly located on Montgomery street.
IIkmobbiioids ob Piles, a treatise on their scleu
tine and painless treatment and radical cure, by E. J
FIlASEii, M. V., San Francisco. Price, 25 cents. Fo
sale at the book stores and by the author, at UJ1 Powell
street. Sent by mall to any address upon receipt of
the price in coin, currency or postage slumps.
IIkurmasx lias the finest stock of hats of any store
on this Co-ist. Herrmann has all the latest styles
Herrmann sells at the lowest possible ( rices. Jlerr
maun never misrepresents. If you want a new lint
call on him, at 4Vi Kearny, or at his branch, 'JW Market
street, San Francisci
Farrliaid ug A jj ""'.
Any parties desirous of having goods purchased for
them in San Francisco can do so by addressing Mrs
W. 11. Ashley, who will send samples of goods for
their inspection. To the ladiat 1 would say that
have a U rat-class establishment for Dress-making, and
am prepared to execute country orders with dispatch
Being engaged in business here I have the advantage
of buying goods direct from the importers at whole
sale, and would give my patrons the benellt of same.
Goods purchased and sent C. 0. 1. Send for Circular.
Address Mas. W. U. AiSHLKY ISO Sutter street.
lioom 51 San Francisco.
11 ONTOOMKKY'8 TUMPKUANCK UOT&L,
I.U. becond st.. San rancisco. O Meal Tickets. 1
HUMAN
HAIR! The Cheapest A No. 1 goods in the
11 city
A. 11. SAMPSON, 1 1 Second Street, S. K
SCARCE COODS, Bx.k, Photos, Ac. Sam
ple & Catalogue, !ic. Paris Book to. Chicago, 111.
CTUDDAUT'S new series of choice Music. Terms to
O agents unusually liberal. For particulars, address
A. ho MAN &CO., 1 1 Montgomery St.. ban t raneibco.
GKOItUK II. ItAKKK, 1.1 1 liOj-aih-r,
4U Clay St., S. t lionus. Certificates of stock.
Cheeks, lraits. Notes. Corporation Seals, A:c. , &e.
HjegKQ C. Jt. 1IALI,, MA.MFACriKKK
n il I Pianoiortes. factory aud Salesroom, 1
Tyler street, Sau t rancisco. Send lor Price List.
NEWEST NOVELTIES AND NOTIONS. FKES
est goods. Ho; torn prices. Catalogues lr
SAOLElt it CO.. 1 Post Street. San Francisco.
GILHAM'S GREEN OINTMENT,
J7OH all external diseases of the Horse, has no equal
ers. MAIN & W1NC11KSTEK.
j ror suie oy lrauers, lsruggLBis ana
ilaruess-mak-
San Francisco.
Mi" POULTKY ClliCULAK TELLS HOW TO
double egg production of hens, raise chickens
without loss from disease, etc. Sent free to any ad
Qress. C. P. STONE. Mission Market, San Francisco.
i nossiyrr f iktisx
Mo. IO Third Ktrerl, si l'ranrlru.
LADY CANVASSERS aKS:
Fine inducements. For particulars address A.
COPLIN, 4JO Uili street, Oakland, Cal.
a day nre made by Agents selling our
Chroinos, Crayons,
i. Picture and Chromo
Cards. 1X5 samples, worth sent.
lor 5 Cents. Illustrated Catalogue !".
J. 11. mJFFoKJLVS SONS. lloSTON.
SEND FDR ONE ! laiies' solid gold
ObllU run Ullt I stem-winding and Stem
setting Watches for 40each at 11. My krs Sons' Loan
Offices, XX7, 8a and 4UM Kearny St., san Francisco.
o '4nn-FoR sale
O0,0W House and Lol
IN OAKLAND. CAL..
Lot in the mosr rnnirilv im
proving part of the city; within 5 minutes' walk
(north from Adaline or Centre Street Station. Lot
xil5. Howe nearly new. A large and beautiful
cottage, in the finest style of architecture: ix rooms,
two bay windows, two marble mantels, gas, bath, hot
and cold water, and all modern improvements. Will
,bar&ln for cash. Inquire on the premi
es, 1016 Kirk ham St.. or of N. It. JOHNSTON, 5.3
Market St.. san Francisco, third floor.
fc. i. WAintaiv fc co.,
Commission Stock Brokers
540 California t., Man I rancinro.
Stock bought, sold and carrid on margins
Money to loan on mining stocks,
tar-special attention given to all orders from coun
try customers.
C A III P I N G Md B?GSTRMEESE
A DELIGHTFUL. INSTRUCTIVE. HEALTHFUL
and inexpensive trip. Parties ute tl m f in
Riv.;ranrn C'.r.. .Yrue " lr?es nil Merced
JiUi
;hty
II to
water scenery In the world.
tain, forest.
rock and
CO
120 Sl'TTEK STREET,
BAN FRANCISCO.
Personal Instruction
In Business Department by Paor.
Barnard. Penmanship by Prop.
Espina. French. Spanish, Teie
graphy. Two days free of charge.
co
co
In maklnr any purchase or
In writing: in response to any
advertisement In this paper, yon will
please mention tbe name of tbe paper.
r.7,n n, Z ', vL, 1 v .ew. t Cascade,
r-..r. , iitr j 1 "Semite rails, and the ink
feS."l:e C.'iff ud ""'"es of the Canyon and Vosei
, auci vue Kranoest mntinrnin f.uu
CALVE RT'S
CARBOLIC
SHEEP WASH
Wi per gallon.
T. W. JACKSON, San Fran
Cisco, Sole Agent for the Pa
cific Coast.
Yerba Buena Bitters
Purines the Blood.
Yerba ISneiia Bitters
Kesulates the Liver.
Yerba ISueiia Bitters
Renulatea the Bowels.
Yerba Buena Bitters
For Biliousness.
Yerba Buena Bitters
For Liver Complaint.
Yerba Buena Bitters
Cures Dy-.pepsla.
Yerba Buena Bitters
Cures Jaundice. r
Yerba Buena Bitters
For Indigestion.
CRANE & EEIGHAM, Agents, S. F.
JOE FOHEIM
203 Montgomery St., and 103 Third, S. F.
Business Suits made to order. In U4 hours, from 120
Pants made to order in 21 hours, from $5
Fine Ilini'i.mil Cnsn mere and Scotch Cheviot Suits.
7i... ti
Fine Dress Suits to order 10 to 50
Overcoats, from to f35
titles or Hrir-.Mranurenirnt Hrnt Free,
GOLDEN GATE ACADEMY
ivn c. a titt srHnnr.
tXfNext vear will commem-n Tnly 3Urh, 1S7R. For
circulars, address V. P. SAC1CF.TT, A.M., Principal,
Oakland, Cal.
BUSINESS COLLEGE,
Q4" POST STiiEKT, SAN FKANCISCO. TUB
Ov oldest and most complete Commercial Col
lege on the coast. Elegant halls: new furniture: thor
outrh instruction ; practical tehChers; high standing
witn tne puiilic. ftruuenis can commence m. n
time. Day and evening sessions. Circulars may b
had free on application.
THE FOOTXJGHT
. ii UliiHt rated Klgltt-paxe
Weekly Dramatic Journal,
ISSUED EVERY SATURDAY.
ZV A Portrait of some Professional Celebrity
appears on the First Page of each number, and the
columns Hre uevoieu 10 reeoi h in k i lie pi 1 ih;i phi cteiiie
occurring iu the Dramatic and .Musical World.
Annual Subscription, prepaid, within
the United States or Canada $3 00
Six Months 150
Single Copies 10
J2r"For gale by principal newsdealers.jjj
J. D. ROBERTSON, ----- Publisher,
3 iO Sansome St. .Halleck Block, San Francisco.
C33KTTE TXT JXTX-A-IL.
PATENT ADJUSTABLE BUGGY TOP.
riMUS BL'GGV TOP IS LIGHT. STRONG AND
I durable. Adapted to seats of all classes of vehi
cles. Six different sizes. Price !15. Orders
until u v tiite. Vj. if. jjiin-iai mni;juui ill
Liberal discount to the
ii mic. ams iji.u'i in iiiniui nut. wi iTpw ii, c V miil.
Colorado, t'tali, Wyoming, Washington, Idaho, Ari
zona and New Mexico. Address J. V. PLUMBK,
som streets. San Francisco, Cal.
.Munuiiiciiirer ami i ropnemr, corner Aiainanuroi
PACIFIC WATER CURE
Eclectic Health Institute;
NORTHWEST CORNER 7th AND L STS,
SACltAMENTO, CAL.
Being fully prepared to treat all forms of disease on
the lstest and most sctentllic principles, together
wiiii poou rooms anu uonru, we witn commence asK
tor puiinc patronage, ror further particulars ad
dress V. n.WTOV, yi. !.. Proprietor,
3.00.000 lbs.
CHOICE SMOKING TOBACCO,
ruciyeu ii iwo, lour anu eigne ounce sacks Irom
Forty td Sixty-five Cents per Found.
These Tobaccos will be found Buperior to any in the
market for the price. We will send them to anyone
Miui-nn ill lULO VI UUL ICSS Lliau DYC pOUUUS, C O J
Address,
E. BRIGGS & CO., Tobacconist.
anT li'7 Market St.. San Francisco.
1-2 in. 3 ply
oA H o
9cprft
-lie
...15c
IRON WATER PIPE AND FITTINGS,
Brass Water Cocks, all sizes. Pumps, IaA Tipf Sheet
i-iuv, i.ttiu a hub, uiv. i?unu ior x-ricc .Last.
W. R. ALLEN,
Sl!
Market Nlrcol
8A.N FKANCISCO.
THE UNIQUE BOON
AlUKband gentlemen, save your money. Avoid
JLJ ImmbuRKery and the chances of beinf? cfippled
All who are afflicted with hard or sort Corns, Bunions,
aru. Moles. &c.,&c.,Slj KG EON'S MASS will remove
soreness or stuirritication. One application onfv
pf-pttid.1.50 N. B.-Fetid or offensive Arm-pits,
QUirrHl. KefOTiimtnilfl fiv loti.tino- r, i i ;
the only remedy of the kind. Price, ti. orders evn
all narts of the cunurrv u v.w-. , ,.r ..i.
and
to
S ; u 1.. f" , J are oi m. Lloctus Ferde
I f 1lDbi . ....y ,VC
rcss
"v-'" - iJ"Hiniuiry, Aiimii, l Kearuv St.
. S. F
nan
IliTEnSJATIQHAL HOTEL,
S4 and SX6 Kearny t. Mam franrli,
JI SO and H PER DAY.
H. C. PATR1DOK. - - . PBOPBIjrroa.
tw o toorord ;oactie, with the name of I
Hotel on. will aLways lie in watMni? at the landmif
f.O n VfV naniunnur, . i f 1 . . I I 1 r a m- r.
the
tc
- - ahjwi nee. . v cm; sure
H(t- into tne ricnt Coach; if you rio Dot. they
Charge you.
yon
Will
MENZOSPRINC
Manufacturer of
ARTIFICIAL LIMBS
Office and address, O Geary
Dencrint,ivr rlrr.nlMr. ltlnnlri
for measurement, with instruc
tions. aud price list free on applt
OPIUM, friORPHiNEor LAUDANUM
Jal)it Cured!
Without pain, proKtration or losa of bualnesa, "all
ei)rreHonuei:ee strictly coutjilpntlal." Price from
91 10 per uiontn money refunded if patient
Is Hot relieved. Ail'lrevl jocM. Bo I Oil, or call up.
FARMING LANDS
Ib San Joaquin Vally for eal very cheap, on long
A. A. WEBBER,
415 Montgomery Kt . snit Francisco.
H. P. GREGORY & CO.,
AND Califobnia St., 8. K.,
Sole AKenta for the Celebrated
SPIDER HOSE!
A brand of Hubber Hose made ex
prcttily for use on the Pacific Coast.
oats no more and guaranteed to out
last any other made.
"-lWll.llliilWtwrtHWIilWww n. .hi , mwi , ,,iuUi -Si i .niim ii
Got tlio Best!
TURBINE WINDMILL
Simple, Durable
AND
Ornamental.
This Mill lS 8KXF-KKAjt.ATlXa,
therefore cannot be Injured by
storms. They are made of the
best materials, and warranted to
giro satisfaction.
Manufactory, Oakland, Cal..
Second St., bet. Broadway
and Washington Sra.
WThe nndersigned lias pnr.
chased the Patent Kiiit for the
Pacific Coast, bend fur Circulars.
A. L. VAN BLAIiCOM, P. O. Box
867. Oakland, Cal. I ir-JIellable
Agents Wanted in Kvery Omnry.
ISoots and Shoes.
JOIIX Nl llIVAX.X. E. cor. Bat
tery and Jackson Sts.. San FranciBCo.oil'ers
to make to order the best French Calf
Leather BOOTS, at from S to 9; Callfor
n'a Leather Boots, $0; Gaiters and Alexis
Ties. .tofr: French Calf Oxford Ties.
fcl; California, $3 f); Boys' and Children's Boots and
Shoes made to order. Persons in the country order
ing Boots and Shoes to the amount of Twelve Dollars
or more will be allowed a reduction of four per cent.,
so as to make the express charges light. 1 sell Boots
and Shoes of Ml OWN MA.Mf Atiuiin.
Boots and Shoes sent C. ). D. positively one price.
SOMETHING NEW, LIGHT, DURABLE,
for 111 vearn: mu-ke.l ill bunUU'R for Kliipinent. ljir-
l'i.inl,,rnil.l,. free from lllrtor Verilllll. .irrnmr,i
Ifest size weijrlis only f n. Prices from l to fa, ac
cording to Wliltli. seliu lor circulars iu
LATTIN SPRING BED COMPANY
1029 Murlt Street, San FrnneiNfO.
AL11KKT MA V at '-".
iT!Ty Ye-r-T Savon
Ask your Grocer for It and-fake noother.as.lt Is the
beat Soap for family use. Kach bar weiehs one full
pound. We are also sole audits for the Pacific Coast
for CCDUHlX TOILKT W)APi). These Toilet Soaps
are better than any imported, lleiuember the name.
KMPtKOKSAVOX.
Unlet' Cream Dry Hop Yeast, warranted to please.
illrt" Double Extracts, the purest and strongest,
unlet' Lemon Sugar makes the best lemonade.
Uillet'a Baking Powder, always sure to please.
Ulllet'H eoods for sale by ALBERT MALT & CO.
Wholesale Grocers, 2IG and at! California Street,
ban r ritiiclKco.
AGE1VTS WANTED!
TO SOLICIT PICTURES
Copying, Enlarging and Retouching.
onthlscuHsc. Address CP VI 7 O'Far-
N. CUERY fc BEO.
113 Sansome Street, San Francises,
Importers and Dealers in every descrlp
tion of
Kreeeh and 31 e-I.ol !
RIFLES. SHOT-GUSS &M3 PISTOL!
ril CAN BE MADE
Using tbe TifuS
Wkll Bukino and
Kock DKil-llsnMa-
chin'E. The labor is all done by horse. No Patent
Right swindle. You pet your money's worth in
machinery and tools. Cirrulan t'r.
AOrtlTC OO YOD WANT THE BEST LINE
MUCll I O of CliromoH and Kr m en in
America? Do you want the lowest prices and free
out lit at If so, address
ALBERT DUHK EE & CO.,
11 Monroe Street. Chicago
Tfl DDIMTrDC-100 Brevier, 0 tts. Min
IU rriirilCnO ion, 301 1. Nonpareil far any
part of these fonts), all in good order and nearly new.
lor sale at lesa than half price. Also, an Adanm book
pres and several fonts wood type. Impressions of
tvpe. with price. Rent on reo,uet. B. F. STElihTT,
."iifi Clay Street, San Francisco.
COfiliPR
II A.
AUSOIiUTELY IUItE.
The Compressed Coffee is in no sense an ejetract or preparation frotx coifee, but simply the hrst -"oiftt
carefully selected, roamed, ground and comprised after a formula which at once Axes an 1 permaneatlv re
tains all lis exhilarating and refresh invr qualities, anions which are caffeone (the volatile oil I, and tke ca'rfeic
acid (or astringent property) which lose nearly if not quite all iiieir virtues biM'ore they reach the table of
the consumer, in any of the old methods of preparing coifee for immediate use. This fact is well understood
by experienced coffee men. and to supp'y the unavoidable deficiencies, chiccory. stale bread, rye, certain
barks and other foreign substances have been added, in the way of adulteration, until now the people scarce
ly know whHt pure coti'ee is. And with the belief tint dealers and the best class of consumers will welcome
and sustain me in my etforts to supply a pure, wholesome and .delicious article, I now oiler it direct to the
public, at the same price as the various kinds of prepured cotfee.
This coti'ee is an equal mixture of the very best Java and Costa Ilica, and is .put u; in handsome srvle.
under the brand of "MOCH A QUALITV," and those who once use it will call for no other. It is part, rich,
delicious and wholesome. It never fails to give satisfactioD when properly prepared. It U healthful. It
buves money. It is put up in convenient packages for use.
For Sale by all Grocers and at the Manufactory,
51 FREMONT STREET, SAN FRANCISCO.
A. P. ADAMS, Patentee and Manufacturer.
THE WESTERN RUB, AL
$6,000 in Special Premiums
' " i FOlt THE
Fifty Largest (Ms for tie Westeri Rural ani Tom Folh' Monthly.
Agents have until July 1, 18TS, In which to complete their Clubs. We offer among these premiums first
class Farm Lands, Pianos, Organs, Farm Machinery, all kinds of Live Stock of high pedigree, etc. "We
good pay to agents in addition to these Special Premiums, The YOl'Xtl rotKSt' MOXTHl
counts the same in Clubs as Tit K WKSTKHX KIKAI,. TIIK WKNTKIIX RlltAL
Leading Agricultural and Family Paper, published by a practical farmer. The YOl'SH FOLK'
3IOXTHI.Y is a large Magazine or 32 pages, containing a large amount of Heading Matter, Sketches
Dialogues for Schools, etc Send 10 cents for Premium List and special terms to Asenta. Address
151 anil 15S Fifth Avenue, Chicago, 111-
JUST OUT ! THE POULTRY YARD MID
A New Book by
PROF. A. CORBETT,
Explaining (he pro
cess of
Hatching Eggs
RAISlNfj POULTRY XJft,
Horse Manure.
Price SO
Bent by mall, postage paid" on receipt of price, in currency or postage stainm A (drew Pacauc Newsiwip
l-HbiiUlng Co., V. O. Uox VTil San Francisco '
CAROLAN,CORY&Co
IMPORTERS Or
IIIAItIWAltE
IFLOIST -ZSlSTTD STEEL.
Agents for Pittsburg Steel Works.
117 and 1I! California St.,
HAJS FKlSflSCO.
UNIVERSITY MOUND COLLEGE.
SAN FKANCISCO.
Boarding School for Ytung Men acd Boys.
WFor Catalogue, apply to
JOIIX (JAHBI.E, It. A., lriiioi.:,i.
Oil for Family Use. .
NONPAREIL
Cnm3 A T "'- 'R. Fire T-t
JL XVxA J5 A lul, 2, and Sgallonrnnj.
DEVOE'S
PRATT'S
Itltll.l.l AT oil.
Faucet and Plain
It A I A XT oil..
UKOKUK M. BI.AKK. Agent,
1 California St.. Kooh 13. - San Frakoisoo
100,000 lbs.
EXTRA STROPiC
TOBACCO!
FOB
SHEEP DIP !
Packed in Bales, for sale in lots to suit by
K. liKIGOS & CO.,
525 and 527 Market Street
T1IIP.D FLOOIL
a Krinclco. Jlarrh 1.
66
A NEW BROOM
SU'EKPH t'l.EAJf." The Patent Elastic, war
ranted never to get shaky on the handle in the lot
test and riryest climate. Ask vour grocer for it. Mnn-ufactu-ed
only by ROBINSON. FOWLEIt & CO., 215
and ai7 Sacrainemo Street. San Francisco.
P. X. P. Co.. fNw Sris'i.
No. 10
KyTelty Sesfslsak Iiprcis:,
XI win poniLiveij iiia&o uin ml$a.
est steak tender. It Is a perfect suc
cess. Testimonials from parties a
lng It would fill a volume. No. 1,
Family Size, 50c. Na 2, Hotel sire,
tl. Samples sent to box with circu
lars, etc, postage paid. AGENTS
WANTED. Beware of counterfeits
and spurious Imitations. The genu,
lne Improver can easily be recog
nized by date of patent on handle,
and concave steel cuttine-ioliits.
TOSS WILSON. 80S W. Ltk Sl.Chioco, PtUMM ud bok MuTo,
San Fbaxcisco, August 10. 1S7T.
A, P. Adam", Enq. :
Having given your Compressed Coifee a thorotiph
trial, w ith the happiest resuts, I would say that, in
riclmess and delicacy of flavor, it surpasses atiytlilnc
we have ever used. It is cheaper than other cotlce
because of its greater strength aud its extraordinary
keeping qualities, which would make It very desira
ble to small consumers. While t he Compressed Cotfee
can be had we sliall ate no other.
llcspecUully, 1. B-kamish,
2130 Howard Street.
San Fbaxcisco, December S,
Mr. A. P. Adanm:
Having been a lover and user of coffee for the p.ist
twenty years, and having tried near ly everything in
the line of coffee during that time, 1 can safely say
that I consider your coffee superior to any that I have
ever used ; there is a delicacy of flavor and richness
io your coffee that I have never been able to obtain in
other brands f coffee. Yours, respectfully.
Thomas J. Jousstos.
San Francisco, December 8, 1S76.
Mr. A. P. Adanm:
I have nscd your Compressed Coffee and find It a
delicious article; and as soon as I get my lot i'f old
coffee used up (which i-i in the bean) I will use yur
Compressed, as It Is economical, and of a most Ueli--cious
flavor. Gkokgk F. Bunker.
13 le Boom strecU
Mr. A. P. Adam:
Sir: I have tried your Com pressed ConVcand with
out quallllration whatever, pronounce it ttrlicwufi. I
consider it the bachelor" boon, tor It is nlmitir'a1y,
enil'i and quickly made, ami will nut deteriorate by
exposure. Yours, truly,
G. D. PlvmptoS.
For which
Ssveral Gala Mdals
ASB
12 DIPLOMAS
lave been, aw arded bjr
Klilliion. Tltr
Amrrlran lsii
lato Kulr. -
Ktair and t onn
ty i'alrs.
Cents
OS'S"' J'!"' Jj;iX j
HiRIQ. J
5y
r
r
- 1
4
1
7
t-i
i
Ji,..-..,.,M::".j.:..;m
C0TTRTFSY CiT? R&wr.RrnrT ttt;t5adv f
- A iJXUUUU j
UNIVERSITY CF CALIFORNIA,
tJLLI, CALIFOPJIA
- V-