Oregon City enterprise. (Oregon City, Or.) 1871-188?, December 08, 1876, Image 1

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DEVOTED TO NEWS, LITERATURE, AMD THE BEST INTERESTS OF OREGON.
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VOL. 11.
THE ENTERPRISE.j
A LOCAL NEWSPAPER 1
FOR T H K
Firmer, Business Man, k Family Circle.
ISSUED EVERY FRIDAY.
FTIANK S. DEAIElSrr,
TE0PEIE10R AND PUBLISHES.
OFFICIAL PAPER TOR CLACKAMAS CO.
urn-icTV In Enterprise F.ulldlng, one
.2"outhof Masonic P.ulluing. Main St.
Term of Subscription t
miuCa Copy One Year, In Advance $2.50
Six Months "
Term of Advertising!
Transient advertisements. Including
sll legal notices, V square of twelve
t ; n inn urpolr ...... .
1.50
2.50
Far each subsequent insertion
On Column, one year
er:: .v
tmlness Card. 1 square, one year..
1.IM)
120.(10
tio.00
40.00
1-2.00
SOCIETY NOTICES.
oiYf.gon lopge no. a, 1. 1. o. v..
Meets evcrv Thursday -ag.,
ve n i n t? at 7 o VI o-k , i n it h e -'
OJd Fellows' Hall, Mam '-HSs,'-stroet.
Members of the Or
der are invited to attend. My order
2 . ( .
kkiskcca ir.c:iu:i: u)i)t;: no.
1 I. O. O. I, Meets on the jtfsrvfrt
Second and Fourth rues- f lJ!g&
dav eveninirs each month 23Ly
t 7 H o'clock, in the Odd
Fellows' Hall. Meinbersof the Degree
r invited to attend.
iITNOMAII LOI)(;K NO. I, A. I''.
A A. M., Holds its regular coin- A
munications on the First and vr
Third Saturdays in each month,
t 7 o'clock from the 2tth of Sep. m
tmlK-r to the "JHli of March; and 4
e'rlock from the Lftth of March to the
20th of September. Brethren in good
standing aro invited to attend.
Hv order of . M.
FALLS KSCAMHMEXT NO. 1,1. O.
t). V.. Meets at Odd Fellows'
Hall on the First and Third Tues-
o.w.li m.vKth Patriarchs
U.l v 1 v .v i. ........... V a il 1
in 'good standing are invited to attenu.
Ji US I XJiSS CARDS.
J. W. NORTHS,
PHYSICIAN AXD SURGEON,
"Ofiico and TVsilence pn -1th Street,
it foot of Cliff Stairway.
tf
TDR. JOHN WELCH'
DENTIST,
offick in oil
OREGON CITY, OREGON.
Highcut ( ah Price Paid for Comity
Order.
JOHNSON & McCOVVN
ITTORNEYS AND C01NSEL0RS AT-L.WV.
Oregon City, Oregon.
"Will practice in all the Court of the
litate. Special attention given to cases in
the U. S. Land Ortlce at. Oregon City.
5airlS7-tf.
Tj. T. 13 A HI 1ST
ATTORN EY-AT-L AW,
OREGOX CITV, OREGON.
Will practice In all the Courts of the
late. Nov. 1. 1R75. tf
W. 11. HKillFIELl).
Established sinco '49.
One door north or Pope'n Hall.
Main Street, Orf?on Tity, nregon.
t. of SVntches. Jewel-
f- or.,i th Thnmas' Weiffht Clocks
1 3ftall of whiclx are warranted to be as
' ...... tn.l
wH'jlM W III' il.
eViort notice, and
thankful for past patronage .
Caili paid for Comity Order.
JOHN M.hAC0N,
Dkalf.r is r5SL
TtOOKS, STATION RY, tW
I lMinr. Frames, M ou'.d-"'
ng and Miscellaneous Goods.
FRA?v1ES MADE TO G3DE.1.
Orrin City, Oregon.
M tho Post Offlee, Main street, east
novl,75:t'.
CIIAS. "ivXIO-IIT,
CANI1Y, OIIECJON,
"B YSKl.VN !y I n It I'G (1N T
nwcripUo1" carof"y filled at shor
BftU?w- . Ja7.-tf.
LaRocqiip, Savior & Co.
Orocjon City.
MWdinn,'",t,y,in ,,and fralo Flour.
urrhiSS?;Vra'? an'1 rhi'" Feed. Parties
urchaMng rvei mst ftlrnisn thn Bank
J- H. SHEPARD,"
Hoot and Shoe Store,
One door north of Ackerman Pros.
lSji,'tK cSheIpesURde repa,rert RS
Njv. 1, l.?T5.-tf
MILUECHURCH &C0.,
PwhRt ,VT nIlKST rnTPE FOR
"fcAT, at all tunes, at the
Oregon City Mills,
And have on hand
hFEED aiul FLOUR
r,mut,nfrrktwrat''s- Tarties desiring
".must furnish sacks. novia.f
rr JO FRUITGROWERS.
or pU"S?H MARKET PRICE
r.Tho, JrEARs a"1 APPI.KS.
for the Co'nTany.RUth0rized t0 pur
L. D. C'LATOUnErrTK,
'H03. (.'IRr iv c . President.
ftroa fM.' t "ii-Secretary.
oaJity Juy28, l75 tf
LITTLE BROOK.
Sunny lawn and prassr meadow
Fairy lakelet glistening bright'
Murmuring brook and slopes in meadow
Steal upon the charmed sight.
Tlero the ripening clusters gather
There the russet apples fall '
Bright parterres of geld and scarlet
Autumn sunlight over all I
Ah, how rich in peace and beauty
Thou sweet home of genius rare!
Fame and faith and love and duty
Find a resting ever here.
God be in thee, lovely homestead!
God be with ye. gentle friends!
In a home still brighter, sweeter
May we meet when this iife ends!
Old Tales Iietold.
Frankenstein, or the Monster Man.
Robert Walton, sailing from Arch
angel, on an Arctic voyage, found
his ship surrounded bv vast fields of
ice. On a J !ilj day be and his crew
were amazed to see a being which
had the shape of a man, but appar
ently of gigantic stature, drive rap
idly past in a sledge drawn by dogs,
aud tin.dly disappear in the distance.
The next morning they rescued from
a floating fragment of ice a nearly
frozen, dreadfully emaciated man
who had ventured thns far in pursuit
of the wild figure seen the day be
fore, for which he spent hours on
deck watching in vain, llis gentle
nature and frequent gloom aroused
the sympathies of Captain Walton,
whose kindness led the stranger at
last to a recitalof his misfortunes.
3Jy birth a Gevenese of distin
guished family, Victor Frankenstein
was brought up, by the tenderest
parents, with a beautiful little Italian
cousin, Elizabeth Lavenza, who was
gay and playful as a summer insect.
Henry Clerval. a boy of singular tal
ent and fancy, was another intimate
associate of his sports and studies.
At thirteen, Victor Lad become a
reader of Albert us Magnus and Par
acelsus, and sought to raise ghosts
and devils. Four years later his
mother died, joining his hand and
Elizabeth's on her death bed.
Victor soon after departed for the
University of Ingolstedt, where he
made remarkable progress in the
study of chemistry and occult sci
ence At last, animated by an almost
supernatural enthusiasm, ho snont
among corpses davs and nights of
incieuioie labor and fatigue, and fin
ally actually discovered the cause of
generation atd life, nay, more, he
became capable of bestowing anima
tion Upon lifeless matter!
Dizzy with delight, he resolved to
make a being of gigantic size, fully
eight feet high, for which he collect
ed hopes from the charnal houses,
and disturbed with profane fingers
the tremendous secrets of the human
frame. Winter, spring and summer
passed, till on a dreary night in No
vember, he infused the spark of be
ing into the lifeless tiling.
The dull, yellow eyes of the crea
ture opened, it breathed hard, and a
convulsive motion agitated its limbs.
Great God! His yellow skin scarcely
covered the muscles and arteries.
His hair, black and flowing, and his
teeth of pearly white, only formed u
horrid contrast with his watery eyes,
shriveled complexion, and straight!
black lips. Breathless with terror,
Victor rushed away, and soon slept
from sheer fatigue. In dreams he
held the corpse of his mother in his
arms, and saw the grave-worms crawl
ing on the shroud. Starting from
sleep, he beheld by his bed the
wretch ho had erpatMil hia at-aa fl-..i
' , V V .I 11 Al I I
and his jaws opeu, while a hideous
grin wrinKiea ins cheeks.
Victor escaped from the house and
dared not return, though drenched
by the rain. With the morning came
his friend Clerval, wJiom he hailed
with delight. The monster, happily,
had disappeared, but the strain of
fatigue and terror had brought on a
nervous fever, through which bis
friend nursed him faithfully. Though
chemistry had become abhorrent to
Frankenstein, he remained at the
University after his recovery, and in
time regaiued his usutl cheerfulness.
Then came a letter from his father,
with horrible tidings of the murder
of his little brother William, who
was found stretched on the grass,
livid and motionless, the print of the
murderer's fingers on his neck. Has
tening home he visited the scene of
the crime during a terrible thunder
storm by night. A figure stole from
behind a clump of trees; a flash of
lightning illuminated th gig-antic
ami hideous form to which Victor
had given life. Could this be (Frank
enstein shuddered) the murderer of
the child. Its mere presence was
irresistible proof; but, before he
could pursue, the fiend had escaped.
Meantime, Justine Moritz, a de
voted adherent of the IVaukenstein
family, hail been accused ; a miniature
stolen from the dead child was found
in her possession; she was tried, con
demned, slain! Sleep fled from Vic
tor's eyes; he wandered like an evil
spirit, for he had committed deeds
of mischief beyond description hor
rible, and more, much more, he per
suaded himself, remained behind.
After two months of wretchedness,
all the Frankensfeins mado an excur
sion to the valley of the Chamonni,
and. , upon the glacier, Victor en
countered his evil offspring, whose
countenance lespoke bitter anguish
combined with disdain and malignity,
while its unearthly ugliness, render
ed it almost too horrible for human
eyes.
"'Devil!" cried Victor, "do yon
dare approach me? Begone, vile in
sect, or, rather, stay, that I may
trample you to dnstf The tortures
of hell are too mild a venture for
your crimes."
"Be calm," said the demon; "re
member that I am thy creature. I
was benevolent and good; misery
made me a fiend; make me happy
and I shall again be virtuous."
"Begone!" repeated Victor.
"How can I move thee?" cried the
OREGON CITY, OREGON, FRIDAY, DEO. 8, 1870.
fiend.
"Believ me. Franl-Ancr
my soul glowed with love and hu
manity; but am I not alone, misera
bly alone? Listen to my tale, and
then, if you can, destroy the work of
your hands."
At last Victor consented, followed
his odious companion to a wretched
hut, and listened to his story.
Brought into existence by the dis
astrous arts of Frankenstein, this
strange creature had wandered aim
lessly abroad, living upon berries
and fruits, and slowly acquiring a
knowledge of the common phenom
ena of nature and life. Venturing
into a village he was attacked, griev
ously bruised with stones, and driven
to take refuge in a hovel, from which
he could observe the occupants of a
neighboring cottage. These were
Felix and Agatha Delacey and their
blind father, and their mutual affec
tion and evident sorrows touched the
poor wanderer's heart, though it was
long before he comprehended their
story. Gradually he learned to'un
derstand their speech, and found
that they had all been exiled penni
less from Fiance, for aiding the es
cape from prison of a Turkish mer
chant unjustly condemned to death.
This Turk had pledged the hand of
his daughter, Saphie, to Felix, but
had basely broken his promise. She.
however, refused to follow her father
and suddenly appeared at the cottage
to the joy of all the inmates and their
unknown watcher, who by diligent
attention learned finally to speak and
even to read their language. With
the increase of knowledge he longed
for companionship, and at last re
vealed himself to the happy family,
only to be met with the terror of
Agatha and Saphie, and the furious
blows of Felix. Rage and revenge
then took possession of him, and lie
burned to the ground the cottage
which the terrified inmates had hast
ily abandoned. Resuming his wan
derings, he rescued a young girl from
drowning, but a rustic tore her from
his arms and wounded him with a
gun. Inllamed by this cruelty, he
vowed "eternal hatred and vengeance
to all mankind." Determining to
seek his creator and demand justice
from him, he journeyed to Geneva,
and in the invirons of the city he met
a beautiful boy, who screamed, called
him an ogre, and threatened him
with the vengeance of his papa, the
syndic, M. Frankenstein.
"Frankenstein! You belong then
to my enemy; you shall be my first
victim." The fiend grasped the child's
throat and it lay dead in a moment,
while the miniature from its bosom
he hid unobserved in the dress of a
young woman passing near.
Finishing his story, the
mouater demanded of Frank
enstein that he should
create for him a companion, a female
of the s.iui'? species anil with the
same defects. Refusing at first, Vic
tor at last consented upon a solemn
oath from the fiend to quit Europe
forever.
With Clerval, Frankenstein visited
Scotland, aud on one of the remotest
Orkney's began his inexpressibly
repugnant task. The demon appear
ed one night at the casement, with a
ghastly grin upon his lips. Seized
with madness, Victor tore to pieces
the thing on which he was engaged,
and with a howl of devilish dispare
and revenge, the wretch withdrew.
Soon he returned, and after bitter
reproaches, vanished again, exelaim
ing "I go, but remember, I shall le icith
you on -ifonr -ic aiding night.'"
Upon reaching the mainland ; the
unhappy Frankenstein was arrested
on a charge of murdering a young
man found dead with the black
marks of fingers on his throat. Be
ing led to the coffin, he saw stretched
before him the lifeless body of Hen
ry Clerval! For two months the
heart-broken Victor lay in jail, rav
ing with fever. Upon proof that he
was on the Orkneys when the corpse
was found, he was finally released,
and returned to Geneva and Eliza
beth. Married, after some delay, to this
beautiful and affectionate cousin,
the wedding day passed serene aud
almost happy; but, as night appear
ed, a thousand fears arose. Grasping
with his right hand a pistol conceal
ed in his bosom, he waited for the
fiend. Suddenly he heard a shrill
and dreadful eream from Eliza
beth's room. He rushed in. Great
God. Why did he not then expire?
L.ifirless across the bed, her pale,
distorted face half covered by her
hair, lay the monster's latest victim,
the mark of the fatal fingers on her!
At the window the fiend himself
jeered at the husband's agony.
Victot fired, but the demon escap
ed with the swiftness of lightning.
Under these accumulated horrors
Frankenstein's father sunk ai d lit!.l.
His miserable son, after months of
madness passed in a solitary sell, re
gained his reason, and, over the
graves of the dead, swore revenpe
upon the cursed and hellish monster
of his own creation. Then, as he
kuelt, a fiendish laugh rang in his
ears, and abhorred voice whispered,
"Miserable wretch!" and the broad
moon arose and shone upon a dis
torted and flying form.
Victor pursued down the Rhone
across the Mediterranean through
the Black Sea amid the wilds of
Tartary and Russia; but still the
scoffing devil eluded him. Stealing
a sledge and dogs, the hunted fiend
set out upon the frozen sea, and
still Victor followed, . buoyed up
by the hope of vengeance. At last
he beheld the monster in the dis
tance before him his heart bound
ed with a terrible joy when sudden
ly a tumultuous sea, with the shock
of an earthquake, cracked the ice,
rolled between him and his enemy,
and left the baffled pursuer drifting
on the shattered fragment from
which Captain Walton saved him.
Frankenstein's terrific story cardled
I
the blood of ; his rescuer with hor
ror, while the apparition he had him
self seen convinced the captain of
its truth. Nothing was left undone
that could soothe his unhappy guest,
but all in vain. Danger from the
mountains of surrounding ice now
began to threaten ihem all. The el
oquence of Frankenstein checked the
sailors discontent for a time, but at
least Walton yiejded to their fears,
and set sail for England, his plants
of discovery blasted by the cowardice
of his followers. Frankenstein, ex
hausted by his labors and sufferings,
vainly resolved to renew the pursuit,
and, reluctantly abandoned his last
hope for vengeance, and resigned
himself to death, and passed away
with a gentle smile upon his lips.
At miduight the startled captain
found, hanging over the coffin, an
uncouth and gigantic form, with
a face of appalling hideousness - dis
torted by uncontrollable passion.
"Oh Frankenstein!" the monster
cried; "generous and self-devoted
being! Alas! he is cold; he may not
answer me."
"Your repentance is now superflu
ous," interposed the agitated cap
tain. "And did you dream," cried the
stricken fiend, "that I was dead to
remorse? He suffered not the ten
thousandth portion of the anguish
that was mine. I have murdered the
helpless; I have strangled the inno
cent; I have devoted my creator to
misery. There he lies white and
cold, in death! You hate me, but
your abhorrenco cannot equal that
with which I regard myself. Fear
not that I shall be the instrument
of future mishief. Soon I shall die;
1 shall ascend my funeral pile; my
ashes will be wept into the sea by
the winds. My spirit will sleep in
peace; or, if it thinks, it will surely
not think thus. Farewell!"
He sprang from the cabin window,
as he said this, upon the ice-cn.fi'
which lay close to the vessel, and
was soon borne away by the waves
and lost in darkness and distance.
Fair Hair and lllue Eyes in Ger
many. For a long time the idea of a Ger
man, more particularly of a German
lady, was that he or she had blue
eyes aud fair hair. The Germans
themselves have frequently protested
against this sweeping assertion, and
the careful examination of a German
regiment or of a German school
would have sufficed to show the
strong admixture of black hair and
brown eyes. But anthropologists
went on assertiug their own views,
formed on what they called tht-irown
long experience, till at last the pub
lic insisted on having the matter set
tled by a regular census. Govern
ment assented, and on a certain day
every school in l'russia had to make
a return of the black and blue aud
brown color of the children's eyes.
Many of the pupils came home on
that day, telling their parents, with a
mysterious air, that their eyes and
hair and skin had been examined at
school. Some of the parents thought
it an limine interference with their
rights, but the thing wadone, and
angry protests against what the Gov
ernment commands or allows to be
done are of little avail in Germany.
After a short time, the results of this
anthropological commission have
been published, and they are, at all
events, curious, though, perhaps,
not of much scientific value. The
number of persons examined in Prus
sia amounted to 4.127.75G. Out of
that number 4,070,923 were under
fourteen years of age. With regard
to the color of their eyes, 42. 1)7 per
cent, had blue, 24.31 per cent, brown
eyes. With regard to the color of
the hair. 72 per cent, had blonde, 2G
per cent, brown, and 1.21 per ce-it.
black hair. With regard to the color
or the skin. Prussia has only 0.53 per
cent, of brunette complexion. In
Bavaria the brunette complexion
claims 15 per cent., the black hair 5
per cent., the brown hair 41 per cent,
and the fair hair 54 per cent.; and it
is argued from this that the darker
complexion in Germany came from
the south rather a bold generaliza
tion, if one considers the mixture of
tribes in Germany, even at so late a
time as the invasion of the Barbarians
info the Roman Empire. The report
contains a number of curious obser
vations; for instance, that nearly one
third of the Jewish school children
are fair, which would certainly not
b1 the impression left upon a casual
spectator by the ordinary run of the
Jewish population.
Young women seem to do pretty
well in business in Chicago. A real
estate agency was recently establish
ed there by one who cleared 8500 the
first month. On the same street is
the Ciiicago office of a large real es
tate dealer who lives in Baltimore,
the business of which is all transact
ed by a woman, who has mauaged it
for a number of years, and that very
successfully. As argument in favor
of women engaging in public life or
business for a successive number of
years, and yet preserving all the in
nate and outward delicacy of trno
womanhood, both the above are
strong ones, especially in the case of
the last mentioned lady, who is said
to be gentle and womanly almost to
afanlt.
Information is wanted of the
whereabouts of Amos Blakeslee. In
1870 he lived half a mile from the
Chehalis river, and about 80 miles
from Gray's Harbor. Address An
son W. Heeley, Winsted, Connecti
cut, or James Woodruff. Waitsburg,
w. t.
"No girl gets along well without a
mother," says a moral exchange. This
may bo true; but hereaboufs girls
work harder to get mothers-in-law
than they do to get mothers.
COURTESY OF BANCROFT LIBRARY,
Lotc of Learning1.
. One great defect in systems of
school education is the lack of proper
stimulus to the pupil. Abundant
inducements are held out. The child
daily hears of the value of education;
is told how men get rich and happy
by it, and how they are degraded
and worthless without it. Ambition
is appealed to, and vanity is culti
vated by rewards, prizes and school
honors, and sharp words and sting
ing lashes are added, to push the
unwilling laggards forward up the
hill of science. Considerable knowl
edge is imparted undor this treat
ment. Pupils progress with perhaps
a fair understanding of the branches
necessary for the ordinary transac
tions of life; but how many leave
school with a love for learning, a
thirst to know more, a determination
to go on improving? On the con
trary, is it not to the average boy
like closing a prison door behiud
hind him and emerging into liberty
when he leaves the school-room, and
enters the office or the counting
house? In after years he may lament
wasted opportunities, and as he dis
covers the commercial value of edu
cation, he may regret not having re
mained longer a pupil, that he may
be better fitted for his work, but he
has no real love for books, eo aspi
ration for higher culture for its own
sake.
This need not be. A child is nat
urally eager to learn. His ten thou
sand questions are the torment of an
unappreciative and unskilful parent.
If from the first he was taught how
to find answers to his questions from
observation and from books, and as
his curiosity was kept amused and
properly directed, instead of being
persistently snubbed down, he would
need no promise of "good marks" or
medals or prizes to make him stu
dious. At school he is set to tasks in which
he can have little interest. What
does he care whether the equator
runs north and south or east aud
west; or what are the boundaries of
Kamschatka; or who was third king
of the Eg3'ptians? Let him begin
work at a point whero hi3 interest is
awakened, then lead him" by short
steps to enlarge his field ofinquiry,
and his faculties will be sharpened.
The actual sum of knowledge gain
ed at school is nothing compared
with the value of learning implanted
anl a proper guidance given to the
sources where information may be
gained. Under such treatment it
will soon matter little whether he
remains in the school-room or not.
The springs have been set in motion
which will not let him rest; a healthy
appetite sharpened, which he will
seek to gratify, and for which there
are abundant supplies. Not the mere
successful winner of prizes, who has
ambitiously led his class, but the
lover of learning becomes the leader
of thought.
Sleep and Dreaming.
Do we sleep without dreaming?
The question has been discussed
both by ancients and moderns.
Hippocrates, Plato, Liebnitz, Des
lartes., Cabanis and other eminent
physicians and philosophers take the
affirmative. They hold, substantial
ly, that it is the body which leejs,
the soul that dreams; that the tor
mer needs rest and the latter does
no:; that, while physically fettered,
the soul's natural expression is in
dream. The soul being immortal,
incapable, independent of stay or
stop, must necessarily and perpetu
ally dream. Because 'wo do not re
member our dreams is no proof that
we do not have them. Persons on
waking will feel confident that they
have not dreamed, and yet during
the day some outwnrd happening or
passing though will by force of as
sociation recall the dreams they had
entirely forgotten. It is even ques
tionable if dreams ever go entirely
out of memory. They may not be
recollected for a week, a month or a
year, but they are some time though
in so vague and shadowy a manner
as to lose their identity. Montreal
Gazette.
The effects of tobacco smoking, as
described by the Scientific American,
are discoloring of the teeth by car
bon, excitementof the salivary glands
by the ammonia, headache and lassi
tude from the carbonic acid, disease
of the heart from the carbonic oxide,
nausea from the bitter extract, and a
tainting of the breath by the volatile
empyreumatic substance. The sys
tem may become used to these things,
yet it is made lilable to consumption,
nervous exhaustion, paralysis, and
other ailments. To sum up the evils,
"Effects of individuals likewise affect
communities, these in turn influence
the nation. No person that smokes
can be in perfect health, and an im
perfect organism cannot reproduce a
perfect one. Therefore it is logical
to conclude that, were smoking the
practice of every individual of a na
tion, then that people would degen
erate into a physically inferior race."
Poltoamy. Whether, considering
their natural jealousy, which is pro
verbial, the Mexican women could
bo subjugated to polygamy may well
be doubted, but certain it is that the
men will make the effort if ever the
doctrines of Brigham Young take a
strong foothold in this republic. The
Mexican women are greatly in excess
of the men; so much so that the dis
proportion is immense. Leading
Mexican minds are now seriously
pondering over this problem, for so
nneqnal a division of the sexes pro
duces startling social results. With
in the near future, Mexico will be a
polygamic empire if not frustrated
by the United States.
. . m i
Bessie Turner is now a waiter in a
New York restaurant.
r
All Sorts.
Friday is an unlucky day for fish
es. "
Information. Are grass widows
liable to take the hay fver. .
When a man looks moody is it a
sign that he favors a revival?"
All men are not homeless, but some
men are homo less than others.
The society of a dumb man is a
great boon just now. He can't talk
politics, anyhow.
To get up a handkerchief flirta
tion: Rule first,' get two handker
chiefs and two fools.
One of tire reasons that a side-saddle
resembles a four. quart jug is be
cause it holds a gallon.
"Mary, my love, this apple clump
ling is not half done," Wife: "Well
then finish it, my dear."
Placards on the Boston street-cars
declare that "This car can't wait for
ladies to kiss good-bye."
AnIrish lover remarks that it is'a
great comfort to be alone, "especi
ally if yer sweat heart is wid ye."
The newsboy got pretty near the
level fact: " 'Ere's yer extra. Full
account of the defeat uv Peter Coop
er!" There is a man in Colorado who
signs himself "T. Pot." It is said
that the least thing makes him boil
over.
"Red as a Rose is She," applies
now-a-days, to every woman on the
street that is, every woman who
goes in for dress.
A Chicago belle who wore No. 8
gaiters was converted by Teading the
tract entitled. Hj"IIow beautiful are
the feet of the righteous."
Miss Alcott calls the Transcen
dentalists inspired lunatics. She
ought to know, for her father was
the biggest frog in that pond.
The habit of wearing a mass of
false hair is gradually passing away,
the little that is worn is so arranged
as to give the impression of a natural
growth only.
When vou find a man whose voice
is clear and whose eyes are wide
open you may know that he was in
jail and couldn't shout over the elec
tion returns.
Young ladies should not be deceiv
ed bv this moderated weather into
leaving off their belt buckles. There
is a dampness in the air which should
be guarded against."
Information wanted as the where
abouts of any article which did not
receive the highest award at the Cen
tennial. Needn't be particular
abont inclosing stamp.
Observe a young father trying to
appease a bawling baby, and you
will witness ingenuity enough ic'ten
minutes to make you think that man
ought to be an inventor.
"Do try and talk a little common
sense!" exclaimed a sarcastic young
lady to a visitor. "Oh!, "was the re
ply; "but wouldn't that be taking
an unfair advantage of you?"
A Connecticut school marm, who
was recently kissed in the dark by
mistake, explained her omission to
use any light for nearly two weeks
on the ground of hard limes.
In Half Moon Bay, California,
there is a Spanish lady, Eusebia by
name, who is 110 years of age. When
in San Francisco the other day she
was accompanied by her little son,
aged eighty'.
The Waterbury . American has
come to the conclusion that "woman
is man's superior in courage and dar
ing." The editor is a very honest
man. He was married a little over
a month ago.
When they take the next census
in Arkansas they will miss Peter
Dayton. The old man found a pack
age and threw it into the stove to
see whether it was powder or not.
It wasn't sand.'
"If you can't keep awake," said a
parson to one of his hearers, "when
vou are drowsy, whv don't you take
a pinch of snuff?" "-"I think," was
the reply, "the suuff should be put
into the sermon.
"Men, "said Adam Smith, "aro natu
rally unsentimental. A man will
scoop the bottom out of an egg with
out thinking that the mother of that
egg is perhaps a hundred miles
away, in the rain."
The first time Jerrold saw a cele
brated song writer, the latter said to
him: "Youngster, have you suf
ficient confidence in me to lend me a
guinea?" "Oh, yes," "I've all the
confidence but I haevn't the guinea."
Mrs. Mary Mathews, of San Fran
cisco, who has consented to accept
.$75,000 for herself and S10.000 for
each of her five children from the
Singer estate, is in the East. Mary
shows her good sense.
Forward and loquacious youth,
"By Jove, you know .upon my word,
if I were to see a ghost, you know, I
would be a chattering idiot for the
rest of my life." , Ingenuous Mai
den: "Haven't you seen a ghost?"
When yon see a young man and
woman leaning over a garden gate
in the twilight and hear a sound like
the "squash" of a potato bug 'neath
the farmer's heel, you instinctively
feel that there has been a climax of
two souls.
"Susan," said a girl looking out
of the upper story of a grocery store,
addressing another girl who was try
ing to enter at the front door, "we
have all been to prayer meeting and
been converted; so when you want
lager on Sunday yon . will have to
come in at the back door."
NO. 7.
A Practical Temperance Lec-
ture.
A Cincinnati man of good position,
and exellent business abilities, a few
years ago fell into dessolnte habit.
and spent most of his time lounging
around bar-rooms while his family
snffered for the necessaries oolite.
His wife at last driven to despera
tion, resolved to make another at
tempt to pave him, and so one ctay
not long ago he was startled by her
entrance into a saloon where ho sat
playing cards with a party of boon
companions; The woman took rrr
notice of heT husband, but boldly
walked up to to the couutet5 and
called for a glas3 of beer. Turning
to the crowd she said: 'Come gen
tlemen, and have a drink with meb
If beer is good for men, it certainly
ought to be for women,' and thougii
the crowd was a little startled, as
representative bummers, none of
them except the husband, were un
prepared to accept the invitation.
The drink was disposed of, when
the lady ordered a second for the
crowd, but made a very wry face as
she struggled to get through' with it.
Setting he half-emptied glass on the
counter, she said, 'I don't like beer;
what else have you got?' The wom
an who officiated r.t the bar enume
rated the varieties. 'I believe I'll trv
Tom and Jerry was the answer, ami
the crowd willingly helped her to dis
pose of a round of that also, her
hnsband, meanwhile smiling des
perately a sickly smile, with an effort
to show that he thought the afiair a
good joke. Taking a seat then at
one of the dirty tables, she sat down
and said, "Gentlemen I've got some
money here that I have no other use
for, let's play a game of seven-tip, at
two dollars a game?" And somebody
played with her and at the sanio
time instructed her in the game, aiiTl
she lost of course, but 'manfully'
paid every time, and as often treat
ed the crowd as she lost. Finally as
her utterance became thick and her
head rolled to either side, and her
conversation grew maudlin, her hus
band was able to stand it no longer.
He rose from his seat and induced
her to accompany him home, nc.il
arm in arm they started. Whatever
of good the lesson may continue to
work, it has certainly effected fon;t
thing toward his reclamation, for l.a
has not been seen in a bar-room since.
The Flow of Speech.
Though we all employ speech, pny?
the Popular Sciet-ce 2Jjn'lt.h! . yet e0
differ in ease and agreeablei:ess of
utterance. The voice is weak or c
powerful, as determined by the mje
of action of the respiratory organs.
The timbre is shary, harsh, sweet or
harminious; this is determined by
the conformation of the resonant cav
ities. Whatever quality of voice we
happen to have naturally, is to be
preserved, though it may be improv
ed by constant attention to the ear,
by steady observation, finally by
training. Speech does not flow from
its source with the same ease in all
classes; hero' the mind'is master, and
mental qualities differ from one ai
other to a far greater extent than
physical aptitudes. Some persons
express themselves without difficnlty
or hesitation their thinking faculty
acts as a continuous force; cthcis
seem to grasp a word or. a-phrase
here and there their thinking fac
ulty is fluctuating, confuse-tl, unde
cided. A certain feeling of constraint
produces stuttering, stammering. It
used to be supposed that stuttering
is the result of grave defects of the o
vocal organs", but such is not the
case at all; this infirmity Lias its sett G
in the miud, and it may be cured or
mitigated by systematic effort. It is
shown by statistics that Provence,
Laugnedoc, aud Gniene contain ' a
greater portion of stammerers in their
population than any other portions
of France. This statement, when first
I saw it. was a surprise to me; it h::s
always been thought that no one
could possibly falter in his speech
who was born near the Garonne .
Hospitality rx Texas. In eo city
in the , United States, says the Sau
Antonio Herald, is the travel-stained,
weary traveler taken as good care of
as he is in a San Antonio hotel. The
manners and customs of the guests
are carefully studied. A young man
from the frontier, stopping at one of
our hotels, told the clerk the other
evening that ho was going to be out
late. "Just wait a minute," replied
the accomodating clerk, and he rush
ed off, but soon reappeared with a
large envelope, which he placed in
the guest's breast pocket, with the
remark: "That is a bond for your
appearance before the Recorder,
properly signed. As soon as yon are
arrested for being drunk find disor
derly, jnst give the bond to the po
liceman, mention my name to him,
and he will bring you home in a
hack. Good-night! God bless yon!"
A Little Delay Onlt. Last
Sundav evening, says a French pop
per, a "man considerably more than
half drunk presented himself at
the police station.
Official "Well, what do yon
want?" , .
Inebriate "I "want to be locked
up."
0. -"Why?" -
1. "O. I get drunk every Sunday
am "locked up at night, but to-night
I couldn't find any officer to take me
up, so I thought I wonld come my
self." v
The sergeant reflects a moment,
then replies sententionsly:
"If you are able to. find tbe rnrd
to the police station by yoursco",
you are not drunk enough to V
locked up. Come back in anhov--or
so."
The Ol.vmpia Standard hr.s enter -on
its XVII volume, and it. lias om
best wishes for future prospeiity.'
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