4
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VOL. 8.
OREGON CITY, OREGON, FRIDAY, APIRL 17, 1874.
NO. 25.
ffHS
LI
THE ENTERPRISE.
A LOCAL DEMOCRATIC NEWSPAPER
V 6 II THE.
Farmer, Business San, i Family Circle.
ISSUED EVERY FRIDAY.
A.. NOLTNER,
XDITOR AND PUBLISHER.
OFFICIAL JAPES FOR CLACKAMAS CO.
OFFICE Jn nr. Thossin-'s F,rick, next
4oor to John Myers store, up-stairs.
Teimi of Subscription
fUngla Copy jOne Year, In Advance...
' ijlx Months "
Tchiu of AclvertUInjf i
Transient a jvenisements. inehuiinj?
all liiral t. .tic s. w1Uar ot twelve
.$2.50
.. l.oO
lines oii" -week
For each subsequent insertion
0:in Col ii in r.; one year
luu ;; ,
Busmeli Ca-d. 1 square, one y
2.50
l.ou
l-D.OO
00.1)0
10.00
12.00
liUAjXKSS CARDS.
w. isroiMiis, :vi. 13.,
PHYSICIAN VXD SUUOEOX,
OKBfOiX CITY. OltJiUOX.
j-St:tirs In
Cliarman's F.rick,
aiiUtf.
Main Str'
li
V. H. WATKIMS, M. D.
PORTLANC; " - OREGON.
BT-OFFICtf-Od'l Fellow's Teinplo.corner
First and Al.W streets. Residence corner
of Main and eveiith streets.
Drs. Welch V Thompson,
DENTISTS, p
OFFICE IN
O D 1) FELLOW" TEMPLE,
Corner ni First and Alder Streets,
POlll'UNll - - OUKOOX.
BVWiil be .a Oregon City on Saturdays.
Nov. -i :li
. HURL AT.
CIIAS. K. WAItllKN.
HUELAT & VARREM
Attorneys-at-Lavv,
yOFFICE-i-Charinan'fi brick, Main st.
) 5:narlS72:tr.
JOHNSON & KScCOWM
1TT0RXEVS kND COL'XSELOUS AT-LAV.'.
Orogon City, Ore
cm n .
.-V'iII nf'tiee in all the Courts of the
8? at', sp-ci-.j attention given to cases in
tha L. S. l,an i t;liee at Oregon City.
; 5aprlS72-tf.
I,. i I3A1U
rTCf fiSY-AT-
ATT
LAV,
OREGON ITl
OREGON.
OFFICE Over Tope's Tin Store, Main
ttraet. 21mar7-Mt.
J. T. APPERSON,
OFFICE IX POSTOFFICE BUILDING.
l,fgnl Tmtlf rs Clntkanun County Or
der, uutl Oregon City Ortlern
BOUGHT AND SOLD.
NOTA 1 i V I ? U 1 5 LAC.
Tenuis negotiated. Collections attended
to. and a Oensral Brokeage business carried
on. jantitf.
A. NOLTNER
N 0 T A U V P U 15 L I C.
ENTERPRISE OFFICE.
(UtEGOX CITY. .
W. 11. HKillFIELl).
Kstabli.Oirtl Inc'4t, t tle olil atnnd.
Main Strict, Orrson City, Orrgon.
An assortment of Wat hes, Jewel
Vwjv ry.and Set h Thomas' Weiiiht Clocks
J-J h all of vhieb are warranted to be as
dt:2 represented.
ltepairins do no on short notice, and
haukful for j ast patronage.
A. C. VALLING'S
PIONEER BOOK BINDERY.
Plttock. BuiMinsr Corner of Stark
aid Front Strtfts.
PORTLAND,
- - - - OREGON,
BLANK BOOKS HTT.ED AND BOUND
to anv desired pattern, Musdc bvks,
tai;a7;in' s, Newspapers, etc., txunil in ov
rv varietv o." style known to the trrade.
Orders fruiik tbe etoiotrv promptly at
tended to.
OREGON CITY BREWERY.
IJHenry llumbel,
T TAVING PURCHAS
ta ert the above Brow-
ry wishes to inform the public that he is
now prepared to manufacture a No. 1 qual-
LAO BR BHBR,
as cood as enn bo obtained nnywherc in
the' state. Orders olicited and promptly
filled.
HEW YORK HOTEL
Deutfcb.es Gafthaus.)
Xo. IT Front street. Opposite the Mall
. Steamship Landing,
POIll"LAXD, OREGON.
H.R&THF0S, J. J. WILKENS, Proprietors.
Brd ? 5 00
pZ J JSl"'1 it hLging".7. ...V.""V.".r6.'oo
oard Day i.oo
ON'G STEP MORE.
What though before me it is dark,
Too dark tor me too see ?
I ask but light for one step more;
'Tis quite enough lor me.
Each little humble step I take.
The gloom cheers from the next;
So, though 'tis vervdark beyond,
I never am perplexed.
And if sometimes the mist hangs close,
So close I fear to stray,
Patient I wait a little while,
And soon it clears away.
I would not see my further path,
For mercy veils It so,
Mv present steps might harder be
t)id I the future know.
It may be that my path is rough,
Thorny, and ham, and steep;
And, knowing tills, mv strength might
fail
Through fear and terror deep.
It may be that it winds along
A smooth and flowery wayi
But seeing this 1 might despise
The journey of to-day.
Perhaps my path is very short,
My journey nearly done,
And I might tremble at the thought
Of ending it so soon.
Or, if I saw a weary length
Of road that I must wend,
Fainting, I'd think, " My feeble powers
Will fail me ere the end."
And so I do not wish to see
My journey or its length,
Assured that, though my Father's love,
Kach step will bring its strength.
Thus step by tep I onward go,
Not looking far before;
Trusting that I shall always have
Light for "just one stepmore."
"Hod in the Constitution."
The question of amending the pre
amble of the Constitution of the
United States so as to recognize the
Deity in the wording of the same,
which lias been discussed by a cer
tain class of religions enthusiasts- for
some time, lias been at least tempor
arily settled by the report of the
House Jndciary Committee of Con
gress. The committee after duly de
liberating on the subject; decided
adversely to the claim of the petition
ers as follows:
Upon examination of the meagre
debates by the fathers of the republic
in tne Convention which framed the
Constitution, we find that the sub
ioct of this memorial was most
carefully and fully considered,
ami that the Convention decided,
after grave deliberation to which the
subject was entitled, that as this
country, the foundation of whose
Government they were then laying,
was to be the home of the oppressed
of all nations of the earth, whether
Christian or pagan, and fully realiz
in.'; the dangers which the union be
tween church and state has im
posed upon so inauv nations of the
Old World, with great unanimity
decided that it was inexpedient to
put anything into the Constitution
or frame of government which might
be construed to be a reference to any
religic is creeds or doctrines; and
we further find that this decision was
accepted by our Christian fathers
with such great unanimity that in
the amendments which were after
wards proposed in order to make the
Constitution more acceptable to the
nation, none has ever been proposed
to ti;e .Mates oy which tuts wi.-e de
termination of the fathers has been
attempted to be changed; wherefore
your committee report that it is in
expedient to legislate upon the sub
ject of the memorial, and ask that
they be discharged from the further
consideration thereof.
Nice fok CniLDitEX. The I'rov
idence Journal says: "So far as the
llhode Island statutes are concerned,
there is absolutely no limit of age at
which parties may contract marriage.
It is not uufretpuent that children of
fourteen or fifteen years of age are
married in this State, and for all law s
to the contrary, even more tender
babes than that may be united in
marriage without tne knowledge or
consent of their parents. In a State
report or registration we find the
marriages mentioned, in a single
year, of couples of the following
ages: Eighteen and fourteen, seven
teen and fifteen, sixty -one and fif
teen, seventy-six and thirteen. And
yet such outrages upon common
decency and public weal are strictly
in accordance with the laws of this
State. The defect in our marriage
laws has had the efi'ect to make Prov
idence a Gretna (Jreen for runaway
matches of minors from all the sur
rounding States. Scarcely n week
elapses that applications" are not
made for an examination of the rec
ords by distracted parents from this
and from other States to ascertain if
their minor sons or daughters have
been married here. Much too often
they find their worst fears realized.
Mr. Gough thinks that it is better
lor a woman to be laughed at for not
being married than to be unable to
laugh because she is married. The
marriage that takes all the laugh out
ot a woman, like the sunshine that
takes all the sweetness out of the
grape, is an exceedingly suspicious
commodity, and ought to give the
divorce doctors something to do.
lut the idea of trying to reconcile a
woman to an unpaired life because
another woman found it uncomforta
ble, is as absurd as to trv to keep
her from eating apples because of
mother Eve's unfortunate poniolo"--ical
ejpe. ience.
Under a Penalty. A country
pedagogue in Henry county, Indiana,
requested all of his scholars to
"write a piece" under penalty of a
thrashing. A rising genius got off
the folio win g;
Lord of love, look from above,
And pity us poor scholars,
They've hired a fool to teach our school,
And pay him fifty dollars.
Address to the Democracy.
ADOPTED BY A CONFERENCE OF LED
INO DEMOCRATS ASSEMBLED AT SAC
RAMENTO, MARCH 31ST, 1874.
A Convention composed of Demo
cratic members of the Legislature
and other Democrats from different
parts of the State, voluntarily assem
bled at the Capital at the close of
the session of the Legislature, disa
vowing any ripht to speak author
atively for the Democratic party, vet
in view of the grave condition of' the
political affairs of the country they
submit
THE FOLLOWING ADDRESS:
The history of the past twelve
years has demonstrated the unfitness
of the party in power to direct
the administration of the public af
fairs. Whatever errors may- have
been committed by the various Ad
ministrations previous to 1801, or by
individual members of such Admin
istrations, or by any party which
before that period held the reins of
power, it must be evident to all that
such errors sink into insignificance,
when compared with the melancholy
picture preseuted by the record of
of the party which has held the as
cendency in Congress since 1SG1.
Had any one asserted that such
misrule would be possible, as has
been experienced within that inter
val, or that the people of the conn
try would manifest such apathy in
view of it, the assertion would have
found no credence whatever.
It is due, however, to candor and
truth to admit that the impurity of
the party now in power has been as
much owing to the errors of those
who have led or directed the various
elements of opposition to it as to
any fault on the part of the intelli
gent and patriotic voters, a large
majority of whom have at times been
hostile to its measures and policy.
We do not design to enter into any
exposition of the causes which have
enabled a party, whose history is an
almost unbroken
RECORD OF ABUSES,
to retain in their hands the reins of
power, or to refer to the unscrupu
lous means employed at every elec
tion to stififl the expression of pop
ular condemnation through the bal
lot box.
Our object at present is to call
attention to the increasing strength
of the Democratic party is the States
east of the mountains, as evidenced
by its victorious progress east and
west, to invite your renewed adhe
sion to its principles, which we know
to be just and benelieent ; to make
a brief statement of its course and
policy in tl future, as we under
stand it, and to urge all good men,
without regard to past party ties, to
rally to the only standard which
s.ieins to oiler any rational hope of
the redemption of the country from
the evils under which it is now suf
fering. THE FISCAL AND REVENUE POLICY
of the llepubliean party has been
inpirious and corrupting to the last
degree. It has hardly secured a
majorty in the two Houses of Con
gress before it adopted a so called
" protective system" which, ignor
ing the right of every freeman to
elect his own market, has for twelve
years past been plundering the mass
of the people to enrich the privileg
ed few, whoso agents swarm in the
lobby of Congress at every session.
It has Hooded the country with a
vitiated paper currency, which has
enhanced the price of the necessa
ries of life, and crippled our mate
rial interests, turned all our legiti
mate business into a gambling
speculation, and demoralized the
people by inviting debtors to plun
der their creditors in defiance of law,
justice and common sense.
THE FUNCTIONS OF GOVERNMENT
have been virtually placed in the
hands of great corporations, to be
used for their own selfish purposes;
the Executive Department, abdicat
es legitimate otlice as the tribune of
the people and the guardian of their
rights, has become the unresisting
instrument of monopolies; has been
used in packing the Supreme Court
with Judges committed to facilitate
corporate plunder through an uncon
stitutional paper currency; has con
verted navy yards and Government
offices into agencies for the purchase
and manufacture of votes, and our
revenue system into a means of rob
bing merchants through, spies, infor
mers and special agents, of whom
the Jayne and Sanborn instances are
the latest and most flagrant. With
its occurence Congress has granted
away to corporations and speculators
nearly the entire public domain,
which it held under a sacred trust
for the people; and that body has
been filled with the agents of the
great railroad corporations, which
have sought and are seeking nothing
short of the control of the machin
ery of government.
THE OVEKATION OF THE REVENUE
SYSTEM,
which lias been converted into an
agencv for enriching a few unscrupu
lous adventurers by defrauding and
oppressing worthy and enterprising
merchants, ought alone to destroy
all title on the part of the present
Administration to public confidence.
The contempt for law exhibited by
the highest Government officers in
dealing with the currency has de
served and received the reprobation
of the Tress of both parties, and the
same inav be said of the treatment
by the Administration of the people
of Louisiana and other Southern
States.
THE INCREASE OF SALARIES
of the President and back-pay mem
bers of Congress, indicating con
tempt alike for constitutional obliga
tions and for public opinion, is but
one of the many evidences of the
corruption of the party in power.
Tls3 same misgovernment is visible
in other directions. The diplomatic
service has, with some honorable
exceptions, been a subject of rid
icule by foreigners and of mortifica
tion to Americans.
To point to a few of the notorious
characters who are the exponents
and leaders of the present Adminis
tration in Congress, would sufficient
ly indicate what policy would be
probably favored by those who
blindly follow such guides.
It is" impossible to close our eyes
to the abuses which exist, nor ought
we to sit down in despair of a reme
dy. The people have been looking
for relief for years, and would have
secured it doubtless ere this, but for
errors of judgment committed in the
mode selected for obtaining reforms
the necessity of which is admitted
by all.
Those who have heretofore acted
with the Democratic party in tkis
State
DESIRE HARMONIOUS CO OPERATION
with all Ilepublicans and others who
are disgusted with the policy of the'
- i i . j. t: i
present .Aumiinsiraiioii, ami e re
spectfully submit on their behalf
that the Democratic party here and
in the Eastern States offers the best
if not the only hope for the rescue
of the country from the difficulties
in which it has become involved.
Names, it is true, are not essential,
but parties must ultimately be array
ed upon principles and practical
issues.
The principles of the party which
was known under the original name
of Democratic Republican in '.'12 and
'i!f and has been called Democratic,
and in some localities Liberal Repub
lican in latter days, are these:
ITS PERVADING SPIRIT
is expressed by the maxim that the
best Government is one whicli, while,
it accomplishes its necessary pur
poses, does so with the least possible
interference with individual rights
and individual liberty of action.
Drawing its main strength from the
workiug-men of the country, its aim
is to oppose special privileges and
class legislation and to prevent labor
from being weighed down by need
less burdens.
IT ADVOCATES JEALOUS CARE
of rights of local self-government
reserved to the people of the several
States; a strict construction of the
powers delegated to the Federal Gov
ernment and of all powers delegated
to public servants, whether State or
Federal steatlfa.it opposition to mo
nopolies and to corporate agirressions
upon the rights and interests of the
mass, economy and retrenchment in
public expenditures and uncompro
mising opposition to the "protective
system," so-called, and to bounties
and subsidies as well as to inconvert
ible paper money.
It is not claimed that any magic
influence resides in a name, or that
personal integrity is the accompani
ment of political opinions. It may
be freely conceded that fidelity to
public, trusts is to be secured not so
much by political doctrines as by
personal character. Every voter has
the right to apply this test to candi
dates, no matter with what indorse
ment they present themselves for his
suffrage, and to exercise his own
judgment as to whether they do or
do not possess the requisite qualifi
cations for the trust which they seek.
Human nature is not changed by
party designations, nor is there any
superiority of the individual mem
bers of one party over those of the
other in any respect. There are
doubtless many who call themselves
Democrats, who fail to act upon the
principles above stated, and there are
many who style themselves Republi
cans, who are essentially
DEMOCRATS IN CREED AND ACTION.
Rut it is none the less true that
there is an increasing unanimity
among those who adhere to the Dem
ocratic organization in reference to
the principles above set forth, an
increasing concord of action between
all adherents to those principles, and
a more rigid application of them as
a test t all who avow them as a
standard of political action; and it
is also true that the Democratic is
the only national party whose success-
gives promise of the ascendency of
those principles in the Federal and
State governments.
THE ONLY THING NEEDED
to secure such ascendency is the
union of all who subscribe to them,
without regard to past party affilia
tions, and the exclusion of all who
are untrue to these principles from
the confidence or support of the
masses. There are few, even of the
Republicans, who expect longer any
redress of grievances, or any refor
mation of abuses from their own or
ganization, which has become hope
lessly debauched and corrupted by
its continuance in power, as well as
by the natural tendency of its meas
ures. THE DEMOCRATIC ORGANIZATION,
affiliating with itself all the elements
of opposition to the present Admin
istration, is looked to as the only
practicable instrumentality to deliver
the country from the incubus which
has so long crippled its energies.
Snch is the unmistakable tenden
cy of popular sentiment at present
on both sides of the mountains, and
to aid in securing a result so desir
able, we recommend to the voters of
this State in the several counties to
unite in perfecting a thorough or
ganization in every election precinct,
based upon an uncompromising
avowal of the principles above set
forth, and that all candidates who
present themselves for Democratic
support be required to pledge them
selves to-act upon and carry out these
principles in the event of their elec
tion. THE FAILURE OF THE LEGISLATURE
to pass a law for the regulation of
COURTESY OF BANCROFT LIBRARY,
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA,
fores and freights on rivllropds in this
St vte is pi event to be deely deplor
ed. The power of the Legislature,
to regulate crd control railroads in
the matter of their charges for trans
portation of persons and property we
most strongly assort; and the duty to
exercise such power so as to secure
the people of the State the transpor
tation of the products of industry
and labor at reasonal rates, is imper
atively demanded.
We also assert, as a sound political
axiom which is fully embodied in
the Constitution, that taxation should
be equal and uniform, and that all
property, as well personal as real,
should be taxed in proportion to its
value, and we regard the startling
proposition enunciated by the Gov
ernor in his last annual message,
that lands should bear the exclusive
burdens of taxation, as
REVOLUTIONARY AND DESTRUCTIVE.
We hold that, under the police pow
er of the State, separate schools may
be established for the education of
the whites, negroes, Indians and
Chinamen without in the least inter
fering with the rights guaranteed to
either, and we are uncompromising
ly in favor of exercising this power,
juid of providing such separate
tchools.
We are in favor of placing within
the reach of every child born on our
sod, or of citizens, or capable of be
coming citizens themselves, a liber
al common school education at the
public expense, but we are utterly
oppoied to all compulsory education
al laws. ,
We dedge ourselves to exert every
possihl,; power of government to the
exclusion of Chinese immigration,
and to so amend the Rarlinganie
treaty as fo secure Chinese commerce
without flic curse of their degrading
hordes of immigrants. If, howev
er, their trade cannot be had with
out the curse, we will forego the
trade.
No IJetter Than Slaves.
The Xew Hampshire election hav
ing passed, n'early one thousand
workmen have been discharged from
the Portsmouth Navy- Yard, some of
whom had drawn pay for only two
or three weeks. Many of these men,
who had been set to work in order to
secure their votes, had been promised
that their pay should continue at
least until Mav. and it. was difficult
to convince them that they were to
he turned adriit. Ul course these
mm having; sold their votes for place.
receive little sympathy ; but the
action of the Navy Department in
ordering their discharge so soon
after election confirms the assertions
made before the election, that the
extraordinary force of incompetent
workmen put on the pay rolls be
tween January and March was re
cruited simply for the purpose of
carrying New Hampshire for the Ad
ministration party. The design
failed of execution, but it is esti
mated that a needless expenditure of
at least !?2r(),00(J has been incurred
in the corrupt transaction, which is
nil the more it. famous in view of the
fact that there is a law of the United
States w hich provides that any officer
or person in the service of the Unit
ed States who shall order or advise,
directly or indirectly, by force,
threat, menace, or intimidation, any
interferanco with the full exercise of
the right of suffrage, or interference
in any manior with any election,
shall be liable to a fine of not more
than 85,000 and imprisonment for
not more than five years; yet in the
face of thisJaw the workmen in the
Portsmouth Navy Yard were driven
up to the polls in gangs under the
supervision of overseers, where they
were compelled to vote as they were
directed for fear of being discharged.
Having so voted, the' were then set
adrift in disregard of all the promises
made to them. Under Robeson's
administration of the Navy Depart
ment, says the.S, American citi
zens who accept employment 'on
public work are regarded as no
better than slaves, and they are dealt
with accordingly.
An ExTERrnisiNG Country Editor.
The Detroit Free Press contains the
following: .
He was once out on a jaunt in the
townsh ip of White Oak, Ingham
countv. sticking to every farmer un
til he got his name and money, and
so it happened that he came to a
house where death had just called a
few hours before. The farmer's
wife was laid out, and the husband
man and children were grieving over
her loss when the editor knocked at
the door.
"What's up," inquired the editor,
as he saw the farmer's solemn coun
tenance before him.
" My wife is dead," replied the
farmer.
"Is that so?" mused the editor a
little disappointed. "Did she die
easy ?"
" Dropped off like a lamb.
" Did she say anything?"
"Not a word, just went right to
sleep like."
"I didn't know," continued the
editor, a sad look on his face, "but
what she might have requested you
to subscribe for the Cascade, which
you know is the best paper in the
county. If you want it I'll take
your name right in, and under the
circumstances I won't charge a cent
for the obituary notice !"
The farmer hung off for a while,
but before the editor went away he
had two additional dollars in his
pocket, and had written an obituary
notice for publication in the next is
sue which the bereaved husband
pronounced "a mighty smart piece."
When a Western member of Con
gress recently alluded so freely " to
the hayseed in his hair" and the
" oats in his throat," why didn't he
complete the diagnosis of his case by
speaking of the "rye in his stomach?"
Terrible Tragedy.
FEARFUL RESULT OF JEALOUSY A
- GERMAN IN SMOKY VALLEY, NEVADA,
KILLS HIS WIFE AND TWO CHILDREN
ETC.
Austin, April 1. The Reveille of
this evening contains the following:
From Dietrich Osterhaus, who
came in this evening from Smoky
Valley, we get the particulars of a
dreadful tragedy which occurred in
that locality on Sunday. Osterhaus
nearest neighbor, a German named
Chris. Eckstein, lias lived in the val
ley for the past two years, occupying
with his wife and two children, aged
respectively two and three years, a
small stone cabin on a patch of liay
land. Of late
ECKSTEIN AND niS WIFE HAVE QUAR
RELED FREQUENTLY,
owing to t! e husband's jealousy of a
young man named Norton, who was
herding a few cattle in the neighbor
hood. The neighbors paid no at
tention to the quarrels of the pair, as
they had become of too frequent occur
rence to be noticeable. Eckstein
was known to be naturally of a quar
relsome disposition, and has made
frequent threats that he would kill
botn Norton and his wife; but none
of the people in the vicinity enter
tained a suspicion that he would
carrv his threats into execution
ON SUNDAY LAST
Osterhaus had occasion to pass Eck
stein's cabin with his team. Notic
ing that an unusual air of stillness
hung about the place, he halted his
team and knocked at the door of the
cabin. His summons meeting no
response, he was about to remount
his wagon, thinking the family had
gone to town. By an impulse for
which he cannot account, he took
a second thought, and pushed open
the door,
WHEN A llORIilULE SIGHT MET HIS
GAZE,
chilling the very blood in his veins.
On the tloor lay the half nude body of
Mrs. Ecksteincovered with blood, her
features hacked beyond recognition,
and the skull being cut almost m
twain. At her feet lay her two little
girls, with their heads nearly severed
from their bodies. Across the bed
lay the bodies of two men, clasped
in the embrace of death. They were
the bodies of Norton and Eckstein.
In the hand of the latter was clutched
with the vice-like grip of death a
larere bowie-knife, covered with
blood, and bv the side of Norton lay
a lame-sized dm coon revolver, four
chambers of which had been dis
charged. The dreadful sight nearly
paralyzed Osterhaus, who, for a
short time, was almost incapable of
action. As soon as he came to him
self, he aroused the neighbors,
among whom the wildest excitement
prevailed over the affair.
INQUEST.
A Justice of the Peace was sum
moned from Ophir Canon, but up to
the time our informant left no ver
dict hail been rendered. He gave
his testimony at the inquest, but
urgent business in this city necessi
tated hi. immediate departure. He
2romises us further particulars on
his return home. Eckstein was a
man about 45 years of age, a native
of Germany, iiis wite was aoout
23, and is represented as having been
unite handsome. - Norton was a
young man, aged about 25, a native
of Missouri.
A Lover of Liberty.
'tis sweet for one's country TO, ETC.
From the Xew Orleans Picayune.
Happening one day in his travels
to be belated, Senator Callamer stop
ped at a substantial and comfortable
farm-house, and was entertained ami
hospitably invited to make himself
comfortable for the night. He ac
cepted the invitation had a good sup
per and very luxurious lodgings.
The next morning Mr. Collamer
made a survey of the farm of his
host, and was much surprised with
the comfort and substantial thrift
and prosperity of everything around.
He could not but congratulate him
on his apparently happy lot. His
fields were well fenced, his barns
were filled, and his crops most prom
ising. Resides, too, the farmer, had
an industrious and amiable wife aud
several bright and healthy children.
"A farmer's life," remarked Mr. Col
lamer, " is certainly the happiest of
all human lots, and I must say, my
friend, that you are as happily fixed
as any farmer I ever knew."
"Wall," remarked his host, "that's
your notion, but 'tain't mine; I in
tend to sell out and move next week."
"Whither are you going?" inquir
ed the inquisitive Yankee.
"Down into Texas !"
"What, into that wild and disturb
ed country, menaced by the whole
Mexican army and by roving bands
of Comanches, and marauding Greas
ers; leave this peaceful and happy
home for such a savage country,
where you would have to sleep every
night on your arms, and carry your
rifle strapped across your shoulder
whilst plowing in the field !"
"Yaas sir-ree," was the eagerreply,
"who would give a cuss to live in a
country where he couldn't fight for
his liberty ?"
An exchange says: " Compare the
publisher of a newspaper who has
to go round the country to collect
his pay, to a farmer who sells his
n heat on credit, and not more than
a bushel to any person. If any far
mer will try this experiment of dis
tributing the proceeds of his labor
over two or three counties, with an
additional one of two or three States.
for one year, we will guarantee that
he will never, after that year's expe
rience, ask a publisher to sunnlv
him with a paper a year or two with
out tfis pay for it.
X)
The largest moth ever known
the Behemoth.
A legal tender A lawyer minding
his baby.
A country without fair wonfin
would simply be stag-nation.
Very, very blonde hair is now
called the " light fantastic tow."
Felt slip ers Those felt by chil
dren in their rude young days.
Miscellaneous Items.
Spain is a nice place to raise chick
ens, they have so many coups there. O
Miss Anthony always concludes
her prayers with "Amen and wo-
The hornet is beautifully definl
to be the red-hot child of nature
A baby was born on a street car in
St. Louis. If it's a boy, it ought to
be called H'oscar.
" Mine Gott! vat vill the
man make next?" said the Duchnian
the first time he saw a monkeyi
Cooing is well enough before mar
riage, but the billing doesn't come
till after; and then from the trades
man. A wag, on being asked for an ap
propriate insertion to a foundling
asylum, proposed: " Thus far but
no father."
A female student of medicine
wants $20 to buy a maC to cut up.
Most women can cut up a man
cheaper than that.
Young married people who have
their house built should have it built
round so that discontent can find no
corner in it. O
'Tis true that 2.000.000 bushels of
peanuts are each year devoured in 0
tne united states, most ot them by o
pale, heart-broken young ladies.
A Mississippi paper says: Give a
negro a spavined mule, a single bar
rel pistol and a brass watch, and yovi
Two uair of stairs ar neeessarv
to every newspaper office in North
Carolina: one for the editor to go
down as the caller comes up the
other.
An editor in Michigan, talking1 of
corn, professes to have a couple of
ears fifteen inches long. Some folks
are remarkable for the length of
their ears.
At a late conference session, a cler
gyman gave a reason why the Baptist
Church is like a beaver's hut,
"There is only one entrance to it,
and that under the water."
To certain non-paying subscribers,
who want to stop the paper, the Co- q
lumbia Herald says, very pointedlv
but rather rudely, " pay up and then
stop and be damned."
A housekeeper, writing of poor
servants, says if women would study
housekeeping as iheir husbands
study law, medicine and book-keeping
there would be less complaint
of bad servants.
The editor of the Fredricksburg,
Ya., Xews was asked by a stranger
" if it was possible that little town
kept up four newspapers," and reply
was " No, it takes four newspapers
to keep up the town."
Peter Van Dyke, an old chap, who
died the in New Hampshire the other
day, worth $140,000 in cash, request
ed in his will that no one should
"snuffle and shed crocodile tears at
his funeral, but cover him over and
hurry home to fight over his money.
Boy Mamma, papa is getting
very rich isn't he ? Mamma I don't
know; why, child? Boy 'Cause he
gives me so much. Almost every
morning after breakfast, when Sallie
is sweeping the parlor, he gives me
a six pence to go out and play.
Sallie receiv.ed short notice to quit.
The Rev. Charles Thompson of
Chicago, declined a call to Louisville
with a salary of 85,000, acknowl-0
edging that the offer was a generous
one, and that the feeling which in
spired it was very grateful to him;
but adding: " None of these things
move me !" Promptly came back the
telegraphic response; " We have
voted $500 to move you and your
furniture."
How to Get Passes. There is a
newspaper man in the eastern part
of Michigan, who is being bantered
as the champion railw ay pass beggar.
Passing him bv, we want to tell a
little story about an old acquaintance
who once published a paper on the
line of the Detroit aud Milwaukee
o
Road. . He w as a mighty poor com
positor to begin with, and the first
issue of the paper was a sight to seS.
lie had borrowed oh.Buchu and Bit
ters stereotypes to fill up with, and
his salutoray. as he called it. con
tained about two hundred typograph
ical errors, and half that number of
grammatical blunders. But it was
a foundation, and he went to receiv
ing subscriptions and sending for
railroad passes. He " went for"
superintendents until he had a pass
over every road in the State, but
these were not enough. He sent
abroad, and finally he addressed the
superintendent of an Ohio road. No
answer. The editor wrote again.
No answer. He wrote a third letter,
and an answer came back: " Go to
h 1!" The editor turned the letter
over and wrote: " Sends rue a pass on
your road, and 1 will!" The pass
came, and he was made kappy.
"Mark my words," said United.
States Senator Wardleigh, "if Sim-"
mons is confirmed the Republicans
will lose New Hampshire." Pro
phetic language! Simmonswas con
firmed New Hampshire is lost; and
upon whom but President Grant can
the Republican party shoulder th
chief responsibility for. it?
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