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VOL. 8.
OREGON CITY, OREGON, FRIDAY, MARCH 6, IS74.
NO. 19.
(M if
1
Ay A$.
THE ENTERPRISE.
A LOCAL DEMOCRATIC NEWSPAPER
V O 11 X II E
Farmer, Cusinrss Man, & Family Circle.
ISSUED EVERY FRIDAY.
jV. NOLTNER,
EDITOR AND PUBLISHER.
OFFICIAL PAPES FOR CLACKAMAS CO.
OFFICE In Dr. Thossing's Rrick, next
door to John Myers' store, up-stairs.
Terirm of SulMriptioiit
Single Copy One Year. In Advance $2.50
Six Months" " 1.50
Terms of Adverlisiiitft
Transient adv-en -semonts, including
all lejjsil notices, v square ol twelve
lines ne week $
For each su ljseiient insertion. I.W
One Colimm, one year lin.KO
Half " " " ..
quarter - ''
Business Card, 1 square, one year
it us i -v it s .sr a a k r s.
PHYSIC1AX AXI) SVKUKO.V,
o 7e rv o x c it y, o Jt u o o x.
irOHic Up-Stairs in Charmiin's I'.riek,
Main Street, aul It I.
W. H. WATKIHS, frt. D.
H 1 1 1 sr o o i l
PORTLAND, - - OHEuOrJ.
7"()KFICK-Odd l-Vl low's m ple.corri'T
First and Ald'r str--et-. lt'-sid -uce corner
of Main and Seventh streets.
Drs. Welch A: Thoiiiiison,
DENTISTS,
OK KICK IX
0 2 FELL O IV S T E M I' L E,
f;. iY.rn--r of Fir.-t ami Aid T Sir -is,
p.)itriii) i o.-u'.j.n.
Sd. ixi
I
i
8.HOKI.AT. CHAS" r" WAUKKN-I
Tf o !
ri U ilLA M (J w ;iit'vJ-.-.i-
i
W 111 II: 1.1 - 1
A t c d r n e y s - a i - 2 - a w ,
osEio:; city,
GT.illOr-. I
0t)FFI('K (h:ir.iein"s brick, y.:uu st.
5:ii.irlSTi:tt.
J O H 'A 3 O Tl k T1 a Z O W ?-3
ATTDHNSYS AM) COL NSKLDTIS AI-LAW. ;
Orcsor. City, Criion.
l-Vill practice in all the 'ourt s of t lie
Ht it . Sp -eial att'-ntion ivn to eases in
the lT. S. l.aud tiilic- at r -on City.
5:iprlS7J-t f.
T. H A 71 I sT,
ATTOft:i2Y-AT-LAV
ORKOOX CITY,
ORX'OX.
OFFIOK
Btreet. -Over Pope's Tin Store, Main
iMm.irT i-M.
J. T. APPSRSON,
OFFICE IS rOSTOFFICE nUII.DINO.
I,rr;:i I Tt'inlcrs rlnrUnraan fo-mt- Or-tltr-i,
it nd r-X'" t ' Oi ders
BOUGHT AND SOLD.
NOTAKY lITllLTC
Ians nejof iat"d. Collections attended
I o. and a General Hrokeaire Ltiin"ss carried
jan'itt.
A. .N" O L T N K II
X 0 T A It Y T U JJ L I C.
ENTERPRISE OFFICE.
or.i:co. city.
W. II. HKJHl lLLI).
Ktiniisl.ed since ' t'., at tiie old stand.
)lniii Strvit, Orvgou City, Orvson.
q na An assortment of Wat lies, Jewel-
VfVN ry.and S"t h Thomas' Weight 'IcK-ks
P- Ml ali of wliitli are warranted to be- as
ti I ri-pri'setit'-tl.
jJlt-.-pairiiiK done on short notice, and
hanklul lor past patrons-e.
A. C. WALLINC'S
PIONEER BOOK BiNDERY.
Plttock'a Ilutltlinf vurv of Stark
a ml F.-uiit St reel
PORTLAND,
ORECCN.
BTANK HOOKS RULED AND ROUND
to any desired pattern. Music hooks,
Mi'unzines. Newspajx-rs, etc., hou rid iuev
erv variety of style known to the trrade.
Orders from the .uutry promptly at
tended to.
OREGON CITY BREWERY.
Henry llumliel.
MAYING rURCIIA6:- 1
e the ive Urew- I? '
ery wishes t inform tii pu'ilic thet lie is
now prepared to inanulact pre a No. 1 qual
ity of ..
LAO BR JtJiRR,
as pood as can be obtained anywhere in
the state. Orders, solicited and promptly
filled.
HEW YORK HOTEL.
(Deutfehes Gafthaus.)
So. 17 Front Street, Opposite the M?il
Stetimship Litiiding,
POKTIfciXD, OREGON'.
II. ROTHFOS, jj.WILKENS, Proprietors.
Board V Week
i.no
Board v Day .....Z j.0)
Schneider's Serenade.
Vake ub, mv sehvett ! Vake ub, mv
lofe ;
Der moon l.t can't be seen abofe.
Vaki; otnl vour eyes, und, dough it's
late,
I'll make you oud a sercnadte.
Per shtreet dots kinder dampy vet,
Und dere v;is no pxit blace to .set;
lcr fiddle's gettin di' of dune,
So blea.se vake u, now we try soon.
O, my lofe! my lofely lofe!
Am you avakeup d lit re abofe,
l-Vclling .sad and niee to hear
Schneider's liddlc sehrabing near?
Veil, anyvay, ope loose vour ear,
Und dry to saw uf you kin hear
From dem bedi lose vot you're among
Der leetlesong I'm going to sung.
O, vake, lady vake! (Jit vake!
Und hear der dale I'll tell:
O. you vot'.s sehleepin' sound up dere
"T likes you putty veil.
Your plaek eyes dhem don't shine
Yen you'reasldecp, so vake,
Yes, hurry up und voke up quick,
For gooincss cratious sake !
Dis iinbatkiice, lofe, I hope you vill
ex cot vsc,
I'm sinking sehveetlv (dere, py
Jinks 1 '
Dere gocs-n sthring proke loose!)
O, poautiful schveel maid !
l, vill she ever voke!)
ler moon is moouin' (Jimmy !
dheie's
Another shtiing vent pruke !)
O. say, you schbeby head,
Now I vas getting mad,
I'll holler, now, und J don't eare
If I vakes up your dad.
I .s iv, olt s'-hl -ehy, vake!
Vake out, vake loose, vake up!
T'ire, niunler, police, vatch !
1). craeioiis,do vake up.
lot irl she sleept;d ; dot rain it
rainei I,
I'nd I liiokcd stupid like ;i fool,
A'en mit my tiddle I sneaked oil",
So vet und Vlo'f'v like a m"'l.
K')iM) Views. A writer named S.
T. G lover, in the Lhunl Mo.dJibf, for
January, advances sound views on
the subject t" dishonest public oili
cers. lie says :
The viril.mce and activity of pood
men once set in motion are more
than a match for the rogues. The
truth is. vour ire:; nine ro.'ie liow-
i ever ri.Vi and tmpjied, is a crawl-
. . .
ni.Lr, creeping misei-eant, who, like
the serpent, rnvels in the ihist.
T'lere is no !ii..n!ioo,l in hhn. lie
has tu itlH r elements of adiuiraJion
""-" '-ndsef frictnls'iip. His only
Mipporis are t ! miserable eonled-
ciMii s of ids uiit, and these are
alwnvs vc.'ilv to desert or betrav liim
to eese
th
.io;:: i;t it becomes li
;eir interest
! It is only
w!iei MonesT mn nejcer tiieif tin
ties, take ;,o note of phMio ailairs,
pay m attention to the selection of
candidates nor to the choice of those
th.-y put in ollice, allow public mon
evs to he wasted, public liabilities
t lus created without c.nw, taxa
tion to be h it at loose ends, and
grossly neglect the enforcement of
laws, that rogues hold higa carnival
ia ollice.
OtT at Nirrns. Fatliers and
mothers look out for your boys when
the shadows of evening have gather
ed around you. 'Where are tliey
then? Are they at home, at the pleas
ant, social iircside, or are they run
ning in the streets? Are they ac
quiring a stivet education? If so, take
care; the chances of their ruin are
many. There is scarcely anything
so destructive to their morals as run
ning abroad at night. Under cover
of darkness they learn to bn rowdv-
j ish, if not absolutely vicious ; they
catch up ltMse talk; they hear sinful
thoughts and set; obscene things,
and they become reckless and riot
ous. If you would save them from
vulgarity, save them from ruin ; see
to it that night linds them at home.
Let parents solemnly ponder this
matter, ami do all they can to make
home attractive to the children, so
attractive that boys will prefer it to
roaming in the streets. There is no
place like home in more senses than
one certainly no place like home for
boys in the evening.
Too Hi-avy a Ijoad. Gradually
the Kadical press of the country is
coming to tlie late conclusion that
the Louisiana business is too heavy
a load for the party to carry. A Phil
adelphia paper says that develop
ments have made it perfectly clear
that Dm-ell's midnight order was il
legal, and adds: '"The truth is that
this business cannot be hushed up
or talked down. It has for too long
a time overloaded the ltepnbliean
party. The whole country is feeling
disgraced by it, and every Republi
can paper in the country which does
not stick at trilles in defending the
Administration, declares that those
Louisiana frauds must be unloaded.
We think it quite, safe to say that no
party could loinr sustain tln-m and
live; but if they are removed, as we
hope they will'lie, the country ami
the Republican partv will be the bet
ter for it."
' ' , .
",Yo want nothing but a dishket
tle said uu old housewife in the
backwoods, to her daughter, who
luid just got married. "Whv, when
your father and I commenced I had
nothing but a dishkittle. I used to
loil my coffee in it and pour it into
a pitcher; then I boiled mv potatoes
in it, and p;3t them on a plate while
I stewed my meat in it. I used to
milk in it, and after meals I fed mv
pigs in it. Sal, if you onlv have a
mind to you can use it for most
auvthing.
At a party, the other evening Mr
Smith, the funny man, pickedirom
the lloor some false hair, and hold
ing it aloft, wickedly asked who had
lost it? Impulsively the hand of
every lady within ear-shot went to
their back hair. It w.;s cruel to
throw them o'.I their guard and ex-
pose them so, but Smith says it was
t not his fault
The Siamese Twins Their I'arly
ILuidage -Marriage li t ir
Temper, lropcrty "and 1-amilies.
A correspondent of the New York
Ihrahl write from Mount Airy,
North Carolina, a letter concerning
the late Siamese Twins, as follows :
TlIEIIi ADOriHD SAME.
As is already known thev were
born in Siam on the 11th of Ma
1811, where they lived until 18-JU,
when they were brought to the Uni
ted States by a sea-captain name.l
Collin. This person claimed them as
his property and exhibited them for
a lengthy period, realizing hand
somely from hisenterpriso, the twins
implicitly believing he had a proper
right and title to them the same as
he hatl to any other goods and chat
lels he possessed. How long this con
tinued my informant was unable to
say, but a man named Runker ap
peared, who knew the circumstances
of their origin, anil who interested
himself suiuciently in their be-half to
free them from the species of slavery
in which they were held by Collin.
This done, they adopted the name of
their patron, and began giving exhi
bitions themselves under the stvle
and title of the
F1UM OF E. A C. lil'XKEH.
They soon after married sisters
nairtcd Yates, and became land-owners
ami slave-masters. They for a
number of years occupied the same
house, but linally divided their prop
erty and their families, living in sep
arate houses, ami they alternating'
between the two, spending three
days at a time in each house, anil
each having sole control of the move
ments of the other while in his own
home.
TUIvin IJESIDKNCKS
are located respectively three and
four miles from this village, in a di
rection north by west. Chang's, tho
iirsfc we come to, is a wooden build
ing, painted white, two stories high,
and shaped like an L, with tight
rooms, which are well thomrh not
luxuriantly f .. n she 1. L gi's house
has much the appearance oi Chang's
but it is built of logs and is not
painted. The farms are oxceihii!,
well stocked, and are eap;.b'e of sup
porting comfortably the families of
the deceased twins.
txieii: tf.mim-:k.
Whether the same blood circula
ted through the veins of both or not,
it is certain they were different in
temper and disposition. Kng was
mild, amiable and gentle in his dis
position, and pleasing in his man
ners. Chang was the very reverse,
having a verv irritable disposition
and violent temper, always ready to
take offense, ami quick to quarrel at
the slightest umbrage. Lng will he
recollected as the larger of the twins,
Chang tiie smaller. Numerous in
stances are related some of which
are of course exaggerated of the
unhappy domestic const quences of
Chang's violent temper. Sometimes
at. the table during their meals he
would Jly into a passion, spring up
and seizing the table cloth, would
jerk all the dishes and eah.bles oil
the table and scatter them in frag
ments all over the room A favorite
way of displaying his temper was to
drag a feather bed across the room
and pile it on the lire. Repeatedly
he fought desperately with Kng a
hand-to-hand combat, Ung acting al
ways on the defensive. Once Chang
succeded in cutting him very severe
ly in the face before he could bo dis
armed. Lug being asked what was
the matter with his wounded face,
replied : '"It was done one day;" and
this was all that could be got out of
him in regard to the brotherly af
fray. t:u:ir families
are very large, Eng's wife having had
eleven children, seven of whom are
now living, two of them being deaf
mutes. The hospitality of the fami
lies is a household word in Surrey
county. There was always a wel
come and a good meal for every vis
itor, the latter being compelled to
eat something in (-very instance, no
matter whether ho desired it or not,
for good fellowship.
Lli;iITAXI) HEAVY WEIGHTS.
In health the combined weight of
the twins w as '210 pounds, w hich was
exceedingly light when compared
witli their better halves. Mrs. Chang
weighs about 175 pounds, is some
what corpulent, has a fair complex
ion, and presents the appearance of
a healthy country woman in her de
clining years. Mrs. Eng weighs the
enormous averdupoisof HH) pounds.
Her appearance is similar to that of
her sister, except she is more obese,
but just as active. The children are
all intelligent, well educated, and
promise to make good citizens. One
of Chang's sons now lives in Califor
nia, where he has made quite a small
fortune. There are others in various
parts of the United States all said to
be doing well, with every prospect of
success in life.
TUEir. ri:orEKTY and wills.
Chang's landed property is esti
mated to be worth -!0,(H)D, his mon
ey, SlO.Odd, and his personal prop
erty including stock and furniture,
at s2,0O0. Lng's will bequeathes all
his" landed and household propcrty
to his wife during her lifetime; his
money to be equally divided among
his children at the time of his death,
likew ise the property at the death of
their mother. Eng's proportv ami
monev was computed at sli,)00.
Chang's will is substantially similar
to Eng's.
Two Irishmen were in prison one
lor stealing a cow, tue ouiei mi
; stealing a watch. "Hallo. Mike, an'
j sure what o'clock is it '? said the cow
1 stealer. "An' sure." said the watch
!; stealer, "I have w time-piece handy,
' but I think it's about milking time."
1
The New ?oiith.
From the San Francisco Examiner.
The future historian of the South
ern States subsequent to the w ar per
iod, w ill have to deal with a bisk of
infinite ami painful variety. Looking
at those States as they now are, as oil
a chart spread out before us.it seems
not unlike those charts which in
olden time, the Abolitionists used to
paint of the whole country, with its
alternate white and black spots, the
black predominating. In those re
gions where the plowshare of war
struck deepest, as in Yirginia and
Georgia, the might v physical and
moral powers of raiure have most
effectually done the work of restora
tion. In" the Carolinas where, till
the close of the war, no hostile foot
had trod, though then it trod heavily
enough. .restoration is slow and pain
ful, and relatively and positively in
effectual. There are contrasts, too,
everywhere; not only in results but
in processes, and this is the effect, w e
regret to say, rattier of impulse ami
accident than statesmanship. Let
us look for a moment at the neigh
bors Louisiana and Texas. Their
physical and social analogies are ob
vious enough ; Imt how different their
fates ! Louisiana with its port
New Orleans the great key of the
West, for which we once were ready to
tight I'rance and Spain, ami which
we bought and paid for, almost re
legated, if not to the misery of
war, to what is closely kindred to it.
The adverse array of races; the pos
session of political power by an ad
mitted minority brought about
through a confessed fraud, for ex
cept by Attorney-General Williams
and his patron, t he Durell injunction
is now as worthless and discredited
as Durell himself; and general social
demoralization.
Had the same motives been opera
tive with those in whom the power
of supervision is or is supposed to
be vested there is no reason why
Texas should not now be in as miser
able a plight as its conterminous
neighbor. Had there been -the same
personal reason for adverse intcrpo
J tion, as in Louisiana, Governor
Davis, in his usurpation, would like
Kell gg, have had Federal bayonets
to sustain him, and the honest citi
izens of Texas would have been
harshly told by telegraph there was
no earthly use in coming to Wash
ington to make complaint, for they
would not be listened to. llappily
this is not so, and without pausing
to inquire what motives have been
at work, let us be thankful and pass
on. Texas now comes into the glor
ious fraternity of rehabitated South
ern States, with Georgia and Yirginia,
where the white natives oi tue soil
and immigration, which is welcome
ami not intrusive, have control.
It is not of this contrast, however
impressive, that we eare to speak,
except incidentally. The rehabita
tion of some of the Southern com
muuties, by their own self-developed
energies, seems to us one of the mar
vels of the day. Our attention in
.detail has been called to this by the
Haltimoro (!n'i-i!' discu..sing two of
a series of essays on Southern resour
ces and development by Edwin De
Leon, now in course of publication
in 7ye-'.N .!'. They are so
genial and sympathetic as to make
us almost forget, if not forgive, the
trii'Milent malignity of tin's inilnential
magazine in times gone by. These
essays breathe not only the kindest
but the most hopeful feeling. It
would be doing injustice, within our
limits, to attempt even the sliglrtst
summary of Mr. De Leon's facts or
deductions, and we shall do so no
further than by saying that he dem
onstrates that there is in the South
and the extreme South, too not on
ly what, no one doubted, resources
without stint, but a resolute deter
mination among Southern men to
make the mo t of thein. This is
mainly shown in the initiate move
ment to establish and perfect manu
factories near the place of the staple's
pro Miction. It is a striking fact, too,
that this is a native white man and
white woman's movement. Neither
the unwelcome- stranger nor the ne
gro has much to do with it. Of
course foreign capital is needed, and
is welcome, and to a certain limited
extent skilled labor; but beyond that
it is strictly a growth of the soil.
The European, and especially the
English artisan, Mr. De Leon tells
us, as a general rule, does not assim
ilate or succeed, and the negro, as a
factory hand, is an entire failure.
The sweat of his brow is meant for
the field and not for the loom. The
statistics of the manufacturing and
mineral development, especially of
Georgia and Northern Alabama, and
we gladly refer our readers to them.
They seem to foreshadow the blessed
day' when the social supremacy of
the white race will again assert itself,
and the negro, in spite of what may
be termed the dissipation of the
times, the worthless toy of suffrage,
will subside into the condition of
subordinate and contented labor.
Be rrxcTUAij. The Worchester
Press gives the following good ad
vice : Little boys, always be punc
tual. There once was a President
who was once a little boy, too. He
learned many things when he was in
school, but he did not learn to be
punctual. After he had grown to be
a man and leen elected President of
this great and glorious country, one
day h had a duty to perform; but
his habits of delay still clung to him,
and he kept putting off that duty for
eight days. And during the time he
was delaying to sign the salary act
the Congressmen were drawing an
extra $7 12 per day, which, in the
aggregate, amounted to S21.000.
The price of eight days' delay. Al
ways be punctual.
In some way they have ascertained
that only one Iowa woman in ten
vears wears a corset.
COURTESY OF BANCROFT LIBRARY,
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA,
The National Orange.
The California papers furnish the
declaration of principles adopted on
the 11th instant, by the. National
Grange, then in session in St. Louis.
They are as follows:
Profoundly impressed with the
truth that the National Grange in the
United States should proclaim to the
world its objects, we liereby unani
mously make these declarations of
the purposes of the Patrons of Hus
bandry: First, United by the strong tie of
agriculture, we mutually resolve to
labor for the good of our order, our
country, and mankind.
Second, We heartily endorse its
unit to:
"In essentials units; in tion essen
tials, liberty; in all things charity."
We shall endeavor to advance our
cause by laboring to accomplish the
followingol ijecf s:
For the better development of a
higher manhood and womanhood ; to
enhance the comforts and attractions
of our homes; to strengthen our De
partments; to emulate each other in
labor; to hasten the good time com
ing; to reduce our expenses, both in
dividually and eoueretely, by lessen
ing our outlay, and to produce more.
In oitler to make our farms self
supporting wo propose a union in
working together, and acting to
gether for our mutual protection and
advancement as occasion may re
quire; we shall avoid litigation as
much as possible by arbitration ir
our Granges; we shall constantly
strive to secure entire harmony, good
will and brotherhood among our
selves, and to make ourselves per
petual; for our business interests we
desire to bring the producers and
consumers, the farmers and manu
facturers together into the most
friendly relations possible; we must
dispense with all siirplusmiddlemen,
not that we are u.ifriendly, but be
cause we don't need them; all our
acts and all our efforts, so far as
business is concerned, are not on'y
for tiie benefit of prod ucers and con
sumers, but also for all oar interests
which tend to firing these two par
ties into speedy and econom cxl con
tact; hence, wholesale transportation
companies of every kind are neces
sary to us; their interests are con
nected with our interests. Keeping
in view that sentence, and our de
claration "that individual happiness
depends upon general prosperity,"
we shall therefore advocate for every
State a service of facilities for trans
porting cheaply to the seaboard, or
between home producers and con
sumers, all the productions of our
country. We adopt it as our lixed
purpose to open chaLiiels for cheap
tran -portation.
There is to be no communism, no
agrai iaiiism. We are opposed to
such a spirit and management of any
corporation as tends to oppress the
people, and deprive them of their
just proiits. Wo are not enemies to
capital, but we oppose monopolies.
We long to see the antagonism be
tween capital and labor removed b
comuio'i consent, and by enlightened
statesmanship, worthy of the nine
teeuth century. We are opposed to
excessive high rates of interest and
exorbitant proiits. They greatly in
crease our burdens and do not bear
proper proportions to our labors.
We desire only our land by legiti
mate transactions. - We shall advance
the cause of education among our
selves and for our children, by sill
just means within our power. We
are especial advocates taat our ag
ricultural sciences and the arts which
adorn our homes should be taught in
our course of study.
Sincerely we assert the oft repeated
truth taught in our organic law, that
Granges National, State or Public,
are not political or party organiza
tions. No one true to its obligations
can discuss political or religious
questions, or can political conven
tions or names of candidates be
naun d in them.. We teach the un
dertie of all true politics, all true
statesmanship, and if properly car
ried out will tend to purify the so
ciety of the whole countrv. If we
seek th
rreatest good we shall bear
in mind that no one by becoming a
patron of husbandry gives up that
right and duty which belongs to all
American citizens, to take a proper
interest in the politics. On the con
trary it is hoped that every one will
do till in his power to influence for
"ood the actions of any political or
ganization. It is his duty to do all
he can to put dowu bribery, corrup
tion and trickery. But it should
always characterize the belief of
everv patron of husbandry, that the
oilices should seek the man, and not
the man seek the otlice.
Oars being peculiarly a farmer's
institution, we cannot admit all to
our ranks. Many are excluded by
the nature of our organization, not
because they are professional men,
or artisans, or laborers, but because
they have not sufficient direct inte
rest, or may have some interest in
conflict with our purposes. Rut we
appeal to all good citizens for their
cordial co-operation to assist us in
our efforts toward reform. Aid us
in our efforts, that we may remove
from our midst the last vestige of
corruption.
We hail a general decree for fra
ternal harmony and earnest co-operation
as an omen of our future suc
cess It shall be an abiding princi
ple with us to relieve all of our suf
fering brotherhood by any means in
our command.
Last, but not least, we proclaim
among our purposes to inculcate a
proper appreciation of the ability
and sphere of women, as indicated
by her admittance to membership in
our order.
Imploring the continued assistance
of our Divine Maker to guard us in
our work, we hereby pledge our
selves to faithful and harmonious la
bor for all future time, and to return
r
by our united efforts to the wisdom,
justice and political security of our
forefathers.
Mr. Wright, of California, is ac
credited with the authorship of the
declaration.
What Josh Rillixos Says. A per
fectly natural man iz geueraly a jer
fectly honest one.
Reaznn often makes mistakes, but
consilience never duz.
A good karakter iz alwnss gained
by inches, but is often lost in one
chunk.
Avarice eats up every other quali
ty uv the harte, good, bad, and in
different. It is a grate deal better lobe igno
rant than to know and beleive what
aint so.
Munney iz responsible fur most of
the dirty work dun in t his world.
When a man linds fault with his
self lie expects that you will kontra
dict him, not koineide with him.
Teniptashuns are necessary; a man
can't tell whether he iz honest or
not until lie has been tempted.
It takes a very wise man to be kon
tented; fools are as oneasy and dis
satisfied tis hornets.
Humility may not make what the
world calls a grate man, but it will
make w hat God calls a good one.
Thare is nobody that Kits so low
down in the ditch but what he thinks
there is sum one still lower than he
iz.
Next to doin a man an injury, in
point of meanness, iz to do him a
bent lit, and then kontinually remind
him of it.
Most of all very cunning men hav
a speciality, and they are generally
az dull in other things az they are
sharp in that.
Men talk about drinkin rum to
drown their sorrows. It iz cheeper
and much eazier to drow n themselvs
in a mill pond.
Expei iense acts on sum people jus
as it duz onto a bull terrier: he don t
no more than git over one lickin be
fore he goes in fur annther.
Wor.TiiY of Impeachment. A cor
respondent of the New York IL;rall,
writing from Washington, signiti
cantly says:
The real cause of the suppression
of the President s message on the
Louisiana monstrosity was revealed
to-day by a verv ordinary circum
stance. It appears that the President
determined to carry into effect his
desire to unload, proposed to put
upon Congress the responsibility of
setting the Louisiana matter right
w nen, however, it was made to ap
pear that his message might entrap
him and be used against the Repub
lican party as good grounds for his
impeachment, he suddenly became
coverted, and realized that he had
been guided by lawyers who were
not statesmen, and statesmen who
were not lawyers. Now, what Sena
tor Carpenter proposes is to relieve
the President from the odium of im
peachment fame, and he w ill claim
in the conclusion of his speech to
morrow, that the-Lousiana case nev
er presented facts giving the Presi
dent jurisdiction under constitution
al law, so far as political issues or
the legal status of the State of Lou
isiana is concerned. It is well known
that at one time the President stated
that he never designed to recognize
the Kellogg government, and Mr.
Carpenter will maintain that where
in the President has been unauthor
ized or inconsiderate in his action,
the loose and extravagant advice and
superscrvieeable intermeddling of
Attorney General Williams has been
the occasion and the excuse of all
questionable executive action. This
is all that Mr. Carpenter can aliege
in defense of the President, ami he
is, therefore, placed in an uncom
fortable position, worthy of im
peachment, through the assumption
of authority or its exercise at the sug
gestion of such partisan advisers.
Siiootixo Sharp. "Father, v. hat
does a printer live one ?'
'Live on? why, the same as other
folks, of course. What makes you
ask. Johnny?'
'Rec.uise you said you hadn't paid
anything for your paper, and the
printer still sends it to vou.'
Wife, spank that boy.'
'I shan't do it.'
Why not?'
'Rccau so there's no reason to.'
'No reason? Yes there is. Spank
him, I tell yon, and put him to bod.'
'I shan't do any such thing. What
in the w orld do vou want him spank
ed for?'
'He is too smart.'
'Well, that comes of your marry
ing me.'
'What do you mean?'
'I mean just this, that the boy is
smarter than his father, and you can't
deny it. He knows enough to see
that a man, a printer or no printer,
can't live on nothing: and I should
think you would be ashamed of your
self not to know as much.'
A western Tennessean sat down at
the table of a Washington hotel at u'
o'clock, just before the dinner hour
closed. The waiter brought him a
bill of fare. 'What is this,' inquired
West Tennessee. "The dinner bill
of fare,' said the waiter. "See here,"
said the guest," I don't want to eat
what's on this paper, I want a square
supper." "Rut this is dinner," said
! the waiter. 'Well, that beats me.
saitl west Tennessee; Ire been to din
ner once to-day, about one o'clock.'
And thereupon he retired swearing
that they must be outlandish people
to eat dinner after sundown and go
to bed without supper.
Slight Mistake. A newspaper
i-nntlf nnnU "P.in rr .am's celebra-
. ted work, "The Antiquities of the
Christian Church." as "Bingham s
. Iniquities of the Christian Church.
"A Holt Always In Order."
Squills declares thai his wif ia
always taking some kind of a mean
advantage of him " The best woman
in the world sir," said Squills, "but
now and then she will act mean, and
she can't help it."
"Saturday at breakfast." sahl
Squills, she was as smiling as a bun-
He of chips."
"Are your chops done to your lik
ing, SnniUs. dear?
"Deliciously, my love."
"I broiled them'myself, dear."
"I knew it was going to lie hot "
said Squills, "and when I got into the
hall to leave, Mrs. Squills was there
with my hat in one baud and mv
overcoat in the other."
"Squills, dear," she began.
" I thought it time to pitch in
here," says Squills, "so I said oui-
etlv:"
"How much, Mrs. Squills? Out
with it, love."
"Mrs. Squills," said she, "don't
be unmanlv, sir, I beg not to sav
ridiculous. Gu-sy wants a silk dress
to go to church in; thecpoor child
isn't really decent, 'yon are very sor
ry,' well, vou ought to b, 'Let her
say her jrayers at home.' No, Mr
Squills, she shan't stay at home, and
she shan t sav her pravers, and .Mr-
Squills you are enough to aggrevate
i samt, anil your conduct is disgust
ing, and it's enough to drive atoman
to bolt right off to Chicago to get a
divorce.
"I thought this was a good time to
lire off my pet joke," said Squills,
so I said Mrs. Squills.a bolt is always
in order. Then I bolted myself, for
Mrs. Squills come of a lighting fam
ily." "When I went home at night,
Gussy, dear child, played all mv pet
Offenbach m isie, and I knew I was
in for the dress, only I wanted to
hold out till morning, just for the
looks of the thing " c
" For live years after we were mar
ried," said Squills, " Mrs. S. -H-ouliL
persist, in looking under the bed for
a man. It's the same man every wo
man looks tor x suppose, oecar.se
thev all do it. Well, failing to find
the man Mrs. S. finally gave him up
in disgust and finally took to some
thing else. I suppose they all take
to something else, after they cannot
'ind the man under the bed. Mrs.
S's. weakness is iu bolting the door.
Mr. Squills have 3-on bolted tho
s pdwflys the last thing at
night."
-This particular night," says
Squills. "Mrs. S. was very dignified
and distant. 'No familiarities, Mr.
Squills, if you please, you wounded
mv feeling in their tenderest point
this morning, ami I cannot forget,
though you did, I am your wife, sir,
and the mother of your children.Mr.
Squills."
"This was pinching it, uncom
monly strong you know." says
Squills, "and I was about to surren
der, when Mrs. Squills turned off
the gas, and then coiled herself up
:n a pet somewhere on the outside
bd rail. Not even, good nirlt.
Squills. I felt pretty bad about it,
I can tell you, but I went off to sleep.
I don't know how long I had slept,
but some time when I experienced a
kick in the back as if a plavful mule
had been fanning me. Perhaps it
was necesarv as T al wnvs slept bard."
"Mr. Squill-," at last I heard Mrs.
S. sav, "Mr. Squills have vou bolt
ed the door?"
" Now I leave it to any man," says
Squills; apnealingly "whether that is
a correct thing for the mother of a
family to do? Of course I got up
and bolted the infernal door, and I
said, ' Mrs. Squills why the duce did
von not think of bolting the door be
fore I went to sleep, and not wake
up a man in the middle of a cold
night to do it? And what you sup
pose her answer was?
"Why, Mr. Squills I thought 'a
bolt was alwavs in order.'"
"What did! say? What could I
sav.' And t lie worst of it all, said
Squills, " I'll be hanged if she wasn't
laughing at me; I could feel the bed
shaking."
-.-..- o
The following story of a young
man, who until recently lived in
Lawrence, Mass., is told by a news
paper of that city: "He "was en
gaged to be married to a young lady
of Lawrence, and in the ardor of his
affection made a number of presents.
Not long since the lady was taken
sick and died, and the grief of the
bereaved suiter was sad to contem
plate. Everything that had lielonged
to her was very dear to him, render
ed doubly so by her untimely taking
off. He prize 1 the few tributes he
had given her to such a degree that
he could not think for a moment of
leaving them with her family. He
came with a box before the funeral
occurred, collected them carefully,
nailed them up and forwarded them
by express to his home. The sister
of the deceased expressed a desire
that she might be allowed to retain
some small souvenir, and the discon
solate lover suggested that perhaps
she would like a muff; if so, he was
readv to sell it. He wouldn't be
mean; it cost him fifteen dollars, and
" seein' that it was her," she might
have it for ten dollars. She gave the
monev, took the muff, and the lover,
after the funeral ceremony, departed
to bestow the presents he had re
gained on some new object of affec
tion, provided, of course, that they
should revert to him in case of her
death.
A man arrived at Cornine, the other
dav, who had walked all the way
from ITelena, Montana. lie gives a
rl 00m v account, of affairs in that
Territory, and thinks it is relapsing
back into a howling wiioemess. o .
cp a man draw a greenback from his
nocket now creates more excitenjf"t
than the drawing of a revolver did
in the palmy days of Montana. 0
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