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About Oregon City enterprise. (Oregon City, Or.) 1871-188? | View Entire Issue (Nov. 14, 1873)
o Si . X o O o o ' V -- - . r f i . S o o o o e o VOL. 8. OREGON CITY, OREGON, FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 1873, o NO. 3. .-J i' o o o O 0 o O O F Till UKM i 1 i5 r d sad place, I know n,l what living can Put twi 1 not lessen the want and w, e Tn away wUhsthat are full of wav with uirges that sadden : Let us make the most of our fleeting p,v sinking the la's that Sadden, t few sweet potions of Miss I've quaffed ' ' And nianv a tup of sorrow; But in thinking over the flavored lr:uirht, The old-time jov I borrow. ti'l in I.roodiii'4 over the bitter tlrmK l..in fills asain the measure; nd so I've learned that it's better to tliiMk ' . , Of the things that give us pleasure. Tlie world at its saddest is not at all sad ; T'i'-re are davs of sunny weather, Vii.'l the people within it are not all bad p,iit saints and sinners together. I think those wonderful hours of June n- better bv far to remember Than those when the earth gets out of time . In the cold bleak winds of Novem ber. lYcause we meet in the walks of life M:mv a seltish creature. It .lorsVt prove that this world or.strife Has no redeeming f a'ure. There is bloom and beauty upon this earth ; , , , . There are buds and blossoming turn ers; Taere are souls of truth and hearts of worth ; . T'.iere are jdowr.ig gulden hours. In thinkimr over r. joy we've known We i-a-.il v niaile it IiilIc, Whieh is letter l? far than to mope and moan o'er sorrow and grief and trouble, l'or tho th's wo ld is sad w k ov . 1 1-1 who that is:iviui ean doubt it? It will not lessen Ihh- want or wot? To be alwavs sighing alx.ut it. Si Tlwmsaiid j'lilliou Dollars. Tie fanners of t lie West, whenever tie-v utter their opinions clear, with out' regard forth! interests or coun s'!s of tluPll.'pnbliean politicians, as t i v did in tie '"nvntio!i in Iowa, de -Lire very blunltly that they want u t.u iif " for reveuuo only " with " free salt, iron, liamber, nv,i coiton and woolen fab'ies." Yet, while t'lis i.o-::e rally prevalent feeling finds fr.i;;i"it expression it is apparent that they do nor.; at all realize the magnitude of t!:r ;evil against v. 'iie'i the protect. T!y do not ivalit- taat within ten vears they have la-en deprived of .';,(;;)).(:)!).' They do u t u!id(r-taud that this is because tii.-' rewards of their labor have been ;i-died lower than those of any other cLi-s, while they have been compel led t pay out of their slender earnings an enormous tribute to capital and labor tlierwise cm; "loved. In 1SV) the far:uers. tlien little less than one-half of the working peculation, owned within one-eiht-ie; !i of one-haif of tlie whole wealth of the country. Nut including slaves a; p.-op'-rty, the farmers owned ia'i"-h more than i:o half t)f the whole wealth of rhe nation. The cadi value of the farms in ISdO was ?-'i;,;r,oi:,o 17, ofii stoek .-l.osti,- I:-.'.i.. and of tarm implements aid mAhinery 2r,,ll,S,141. TIius '"? total value of f irm property was 7,'.'si) 4i:! (h;:;, whjiout counting on tlie one hand any? of her property owiH-d by farmer: or on the othei any indebtedness fA mortages redu -i ig tlie value of ti ir estates. 5ut t ie agreate valuation of all prop erty, re land per-onal, slave.; includ ed, a -cording to.Jlu census of lS(), was Slii.lott.olt'i.OiJ.j and dotlueting the value .f slaves, (at So(M) ea.-h) t!u: aggregate valutf w as .'?lo,bS2,7od,- 0 5s". Jlence the v.iluation of farm o property was at thai time over 4') i r cent, of the whole iro;ertv, slaves in eluded, utid over 5( per ce :t. of t!i entire value of all property other than slaves. ; For the purpose of comparison with 1870 when no prop,-: ty in slaves existed, we leave eat of consideration the slave prop erty of 1S00, although much of it w as owned by farmers. Thus prior to the war, at the close of a period of linen years of loy duties and non interference with natural laws", we find that the farmers, being less than fifty per cent, of tlie persons em ployed in gainful occupations, own ed in farms, stock, and impleme'nts alone of. per cent, of the whole wealth of the country. In ls.70, out of 10,000.033 males engaged in gainful occupations, '. 125,5(13 were farmers or 02 per cent. As their proportion to the whole body of laborers had slightly increased, it follows that, 17 ad the distribution of wealth remained the same us before, they should have hail about iS per cent, of the whole wealth of the country. Now the val uation of all property in the conn try,' according to the census of 170 was S3t),OOS,rilS,(5()7, and 5S percent. of this amount would be 17,43'., 000,000. Yet the actual value of farms, stock and farm implements and machinery, u-cording to tlu same census, was only 11,124.058,- 747, or more than six thousand less than the proportion rightfully be longing to 52 per cent, of all the laborers of the country. The value of the farms was 0,2(52,803,8(51, of live stock 1,525,2.0,4 n , and of 1111 plements and machinery 330,(578,- 420; total value of all larnj property ?1 1.124 ,058,747, or only 3 per cent, of the entire wealth of the country. The large increase in nominal values is due, in great part if not wholly, to the depreciated currency in which prices and vlues in 1S70 are record --'!. Rut if the aggregate valuation and the values of fa-jn property are reduced to gold, of course the pro portion remains tho same. Hence in WO the farmers Vere in number a little more than oci-half of all the producers of wealth, and yet held only 37 per cent, of the whole wealth of tlie country. Trior to 18(50, it seems their share the wealth-producing labor, t 'igh a little less than half in point f number, was so' rewarded that they held. o7 per cent, of the realized fruits of labor. Since 18(50, though a little more than half of the wealth producing in point of number was theirs, it has been so inadequately rewarded that thev hold little more than a third of the realized fruits of labor. The entire value of property not in farms (slaves excluded) was SO, 20-2,000,000 in 18(50, but in 1870 it was .918.913,000,000, an increase of over 200 per cent, while the shares of the farmers has even nominal cur rency value, increased less than -10 per cent. Here it is plain that an enormous sum has been taken from the natural ami proper reward of one half of the labor and given to some among the other half. For the in vestment of the farmer in 1800 was the capital employed in farming. The remaining wealth of the country represents the capital employed in all other forms of industry. ' With half the labor and more than half the capital, the farmer has added in ten years less than 40 per cent, nominal value, or less than 4 per cent, a year, and an actual or gold value lass' than 5 per cent, in ten years, or less than one-half of one jier cent, yearly. Rut with half the labor and capital in 1800, other industry has added in nominal value over 200 per cent, in ten years, or over 20 jr cent, a year, and in actual gold value over loO per cent., or V) per cent., a year. The sum thus taken from tlie labor and capital employed in one branch of industry, aiid given to labor ' and capital in others, is not less, as we have seen, than P(. 000,000. 000, or more than twice as much as the na tional debt. How has this been done? Partly by an increase of " "G per cent in the price of all products of mechanical anl manufacturing industry," a statement for which the superin tendent of the eonsvts is authority. Partly by railroad grants, railroad and bank monopolies, and favoritism in many forms. bit also in a very 1 irge measure by such a reducl ion in tii" value of products of the farm, a; compared with the prices of other industries, that the labor of Hit? far mers receives no reward. And this reduction in the value of farm pro ducts, as our history proves b - v-md a question, has been a eou.-oq in nee of paper currency called irredeema ble and the tariff" called proteetivr. Thus in agriculture in 1870 there w:is employed male and female, ". 022.47 1 persons anil capital equivalent to ?r',417 in gold for each person. Rut in manufactures there were employ ed, male and female, 2,707,421 per sons, and capital equivalent to 030 in gold to each person; while the yearly value of net product (materi als deducted) was -"21 in gold to each person. The farmer thus re ceives 313 yearly for the labor rf one person and the use of 1.417. while the manufacturer receives S.21 for the labor of one person, and the use of o30. Xo wonder t!:e market shows that farmers have been the victims of a gigantic robbery. Kx- liiiiiiji-. Net'. Yaj of Itadira! IJcckoniiig-. Salary-Grabber Ilobinson, of the Twelfth Illinois District, defends Ms Iwk salary steal on the ground that his district being composed of six counties, his salary apportioned among them would only be 1,250 each, or less than the ollicers of these several counties for their services. Applying tlie same theory, says -the Chicago Time, to the other Federal salarv-grabbers, and it would appeal that the President at 50,000 a year and nearly all expenses paid besides, is a much less than half-paid of;ice holder. Are not the services of a President of a Kepublic of thirty . 1,,.,1.1.. .... . thirty-seven Governors? Probably the average salary of the Governors is 3,000 a year, which would make the salary which Mr. Grant might fairly claim 111,000 a year, accord- mgto the llobinsoinan way t f rt cl i; ing. There is reasonable ground for supposing that Mr. Grant believes in the Kobinsonian way of reckoning and that at least the two conspicu ous salary-grabbers have got togeth er, with Matt Carpenter and Pen Jjutler on the same platform. Should Heap and Poxdek. Boys who disturb camp-meetings by cry ing "Amen" in the wrong place, and remarking "Glory" with more zeal than judgement, should read and ponder the fate of thirteen small boys in Kansas. These thirteen ill advised boys wr-je guilty, so tlu story goes, of disturbing a Kansas camp-meeting by insisting upon shouting "Amen" when a very mus cular preacher, who prided himself on his voice, was singing a hvmn. The preacher bore it for some time, but finally becoming tilled with righteous wrath he descended from the pulpit and, never interrupting his hymn, successfully reversed and spanked the thirteen small bovs s his avenging hand descended and the dust of the small boys tilled the air, the rest of the congregation shouted with rapture and encouraged him l,1 ,V."es ,of "(o brother, go on lhcn he returned to the pulpit, still singing, and those bovs went half a mile away behind a havstaek and lay down, with their faces to the ground, weeping bitterly. Another Post Ofiiee robbery oc curs at Pittsburg, Pa., to the amount of 30,000. As this is a pitiful sum not worth looking after bv Post Mas ter General Creswell, the'resignation of the thief will in all probability be accepted. Complaints at the "non receipt of moneyed letters from this office, have gone up to the Depart ment for a long time, but the gentle man had not feathered his nest quite sufficiently, until he commenced meddling wjth the money order and stamp department. He is now at liberty on bail at 00,000. The Cookcs. HOW THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES HAVE I5EEX DISREGARDED FOR THE BENEFIT OF CAPRICES OF FHE COOKE FAMILY MRS. H. D. COOKE AND HER OXE HUNDRED AXD TWO TRUNKS. Brooklyn Argus. On a bitter cold "NViuter afternoon a gentleman spent three hours on the Cunard wharf, in Jersey City, waiting the debarkation of his fami ly, who were passengers on a steam er then anchored in the stream. The regulation of the Cunard steamer is to land all passengers and luggage by lighters in Jersey City. Put on this particular steamer there were also as passengers one Henry D. Cooke and family. Mr. Cooke was the 7resideiit of a national bank in "Washington his brother was Jay Cooke, President Grant's banker, and his partner was Boss Shepherd. Of course such a distinguished gen tleman and his family could uot go to Jersey City on a cold day. The royal party had been signaled by tel egraph a Government tug and oili cials were on hand. One hundred and two trunks were carefully lifted over everything else, the trunks and their owners Mr. Henry 1). Cooke and party placed in the tug which landed t'diectly in New York. Wheth er the one hundred and two trunks were examined by the Custom-house ollicers or not we do not know. All these three long cold hours over one hundred other passengers were shiv ering in tlie cold, and not allowed to stir from the ship. When the .royal party had been thus disposed of, the other passengers and baggage were landed in the usual manner at Jersey City, with the usual Custom-house annoyances and details. The velvets, silks, laces, shawls, etc., owned by Mrs. Henry ). Cooke would convey the very reasonable impression that that cargo of trunks and contents were worth at least 100,000. During last Winter a grand ball was given in Washington. A new house was built upon the rear of an existing palace. The hot houses of lloston, New York and Philadelphia were drafted into the service of or Viamonta! ion, hands of music were - tioned upon each lloor, singing buds tilled the air with music, Cost ly viands loaded down the tables, aud champagi e Howe I until morn ing. Tho ball was at the house of Mr. Henry 1). Cooke, and was re ported to have cost several thousand dollars. Pinking is, no doubt, good busi ness in "Washington. Hanking or raking for oysters is good business anywhere, if it can be done on other people's money. The people who had been loaning Mr. Henry D. Cooke money asked him for it the other day, and he slammed his bank doors in their faces, and in cH'ect re plied his hundred Parisian trunks, his line houses, and hi. 5 expensive parties had used up their money, anl there was none left for them. Now, this man Cooke's bank was a national bank. The legal receiver of this bank makes the following re port: Capital .' $5(X),000(!0 Omuls le lil bv Jay fooke A- (hro.) $ 1 1,(130 K) ii' lrom J. iy it (bro.) 7.3K, !".' 15 Act-rued int. rest 1,7.38 lJ S772.S01 45 All the capital and 272,801 45 of depositors' money, taken out either to loan to a speculating brother, or to purchase rich Parisian goods. The law in regard to national banks is sec. 55: That every president, director, cashier, teller, clerk or agent of any association who shall embezzle, ab stract or willfully misapply any t.f the moneys, funds or credits of the association shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, and, upon convic tion thereof, shall be punished by imprisonment not less than rive nor more than ten years. And section 20 of the same act says: That the total liabilities to any association of any person, or any company, corporation or linn, for men v 'borrowed, including the lia bilities of a company or firm the lia bilities of the several members there of, shall at no time exceed one-tenth part of the amount of the capital stock of such association actually paid in. The capital stock of this bank being 500,0! Ml, Mr. Cooke had no righT to loan any person or firm over 50,000, or one tenth of his capital, and this on good security. For this connivance or theft his punishment is imprisonment for not less than live years. It happens to be the duty of Mr. Attorney-General Williams to indict and prosecute this man, Cooke. Mr. Attornev-General Williams happens to be an" appointee of President U. S. Graut and President U. S. Grant happens to be a "special" depositor in Mr. Cooke's bank, and a personal friend of the said Cooke. Mr. Sec retary Iiiehardson is responsible for the deoosit of the people's money with this said Cooke without securi ty after he verv well knew of Cooke's extravagance and illegal manner of doing business. Mr. Secretary Pich ardson is likely the appointee of U S. Grant, and before his appoint ment was the agent of Jay Cooke & Co., for various and sundry things. It is within his power to punish Cooke, if he desired to or durst. Put he dare not. And thus the peo ple's monev is stolen, and thus the President of the United States lends himself to designing scoundrels, smokes cigars as Nero fiddled, con nives at robberies and debauches the public morals. While apparent ly respectable men and newspapers sustain such a man, and such men as control this Government, no man of sense can believe that they are not all participators in a grand national fraud. AYhat have we to expect? Jlarried by Telegraph. " Mr. Leary, are you a married man, sir?" " Very, sir." "Because my dear little "wife and I are bound together by wires." " Latimer Leary, you are talking enigmas." "Then sir, to be as plain as aprin ter, I will inform you that I was married by telegraph." "Yon don't say so!" "Yes, I do." " Then, tell the company all about the affair." "I will, with pleasure. Ladies and gentlemen, my wife is a second cousin, and was named Leary. She once resided in the city of Indianap olis, w hile I was a resident of Cen tcrville, in the same State. I was a bachelor of thirty, and full of romance and general love. I say general love because I had not made a concentration. " Why don't you take a wife?"' was eternally buzzed in mv ears. " Whom will I take?" " Your relative, Kate Leary." "Kate Leary? why she is my own cousin." "Only a second cousin," they would retort; " and your opposite, Latimer; Kate is a blonde, and you are as dark as Erebus, or the ace of clubs." I never had seen Miss Leary, but this continued association of the young lady with my wedded life had an influence. One day a member of Congress ex claimed: " Mr. Leary, were I sin gle I would assuredly pay court to your cousin. As I am married, and you are my best friend, I can earn estly hope that you will possess the luxury." At this period I was a merchant. Having discharged a thieving clerk, I was so confined to my store that a journey to Indianapolis was out of the question. I was growing almost wild to see one whom all praised so many wished me to w ed. In a few days from the call of my Legislative friend, his brother, a noted judge, appeared at my store. The judge was also my devoted ally a position intensified by his recollection of being educated by my deceased father. Drawing a daguerreotype from his coat, said he, " I wish to show you something nice. There, What do vou say to that?" " Who is it?" I cried with enthu siasm. " This, my dear friend, is Miss Kate Leary, the young lady I wish vou to marry." "Tell me," I exclaimed, " is sho al 1 they claim for her?" "My dear friend, honestly as I value the truth, I have not heard her sufficiently praised." "Why don't some man try his luck!" " I'm glad you ask. Simply be cause she is over-courted, and con sequently hard to please. She is romantic, and, I clearly see, not win able by ordinary methods." " You sav she is very particular." " She is.'sir." " Then, good-bye for me." " Not at all; she is rapturous over your likeness, and sends her cousinly love, with an invitation to visit her. I pledge yon to not omitting a single point in her body, calibar or charac ter." " Do you consider her daguerreo type accurate?" " I can tell you it don't flatter her. She has extraordinary beauty, ami the kind that is more striking in an imation or conversation." While mutual friends in Center ville were lauding my fair cousin, mutual friends in Indianapolis were decided in their eulogies of me, and preparing her mind for an alliance. I am not self-conceited. Believ ing such a concord must be born of an obvious fact, I settled on the idea of marrying this wonder in beauty, soul and accomplishment. My intent was quickly confirmed upon hearing that a very wealthy and influential banker from Gotham was in the melting mood. I remem ber it was midnight. I hinted from my store the last batch of chronic loungers, and selected the best sta tionery in my establishment. I was to write my first letter to Ivate. Such a reply as I received! Well, you must see it you shall see it. I have good gas works, but am inade quate. In a brief time we learned that each knew the other well. The much said by so many, many mutual friends, superadded to our daguer reotypes and letters, made us a com prehending couple. In fact we con fessed our love a full, round, ripe and luscious article. There could be no unsafety in the case. Our lineage was in common and every fact known; what followed is clear an engagement yes, between unseen lovers ami cousins. I was dying to fold her to my heart, but" my soul's condition and maturing appointments 'postponed that indefinitely. What did you say? Why did she not visit some of her friends at Cen terville? I answer you cheerfully: She had her notions and would en tertain them. Though we were plighted, she declared it should not be said that she made the first visit. Many believe her right. I don't argue the point, but merely answer the question. Weeks passed: letters were, num erous and saccharine The time ar rived when I could endure my sin gle condition no longer. What if some one were to cut me out at the eleventh hour? With such love, w hat would become of me? I was determined to own her even if I did not see her for a decade. An idea daw ned a brilliant one. It was to compass a speedy marriage, and satisfy her thirst for romance. After a flood of tenderness of drama 1 COURTESY OF BANCROFT LIBRARY, UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, tic pi-eparation, I wrote: " Kate, my adored one, let us depart from this stale routine and wed by tele graph." The idea took her by storm. Her answer was . characteristic. It ran thu-: " Darling, I will. The idea is savory, but is it legal?" Immediately I sent for my friend, the judge. Soon as he faced me, said I: " Judge, is a marriage by telegraph legal?" " Certainly, sir, I see no objection to a contract by telegraph. I readily see how all those requirements can be accomplished." "Will you state this opinion on paper and describe a formula for an electric wedding?" " With pleasure, sir." The judge understood me, and glad ly complied. The result was for warded to Kate by return mail, and soon received word that on the fol lowing Thursday she and the proper authority would present themselves at the Indianapolis otlice, according to formula there to enter into a state of matrimony. I tell you the appointed day was a great one among the mutual friends at each end of the wire. The affair was so novel that all else was eclips ed by the contemplation of it. Clergymen and witnesses assem bled at the termini. There, in full costume, two unseen lovers were to be made man and wife. The instru ment began its tick, tick, ticking. The operator read, the clergyman put questions, I answered; the in strument did more work, and soon I was saluted as the husband of Kate Leary. Happy was I, though the possessor of a lady I never beheld. One week passed, and I was still without help. My brain was becom ing frenzied. I must see Kate, and I must go to her first, for it was her flat, and well did I know what a Leary was. By entreaty I prevailed upon a brother merchant to loan me lushest clerk. Soon as he put his foot in the store I put mine in the stage, eu route for tlie capital of Indiana. When about twelve miles from tlie city we stopped for a passenger it was a lady. Such a beauty I never beheld. She resembled my likeness of Kate, but was far more beautiful. I own my heart went out to her. Cirii mo tickle, say. what you please, and I will bear it. I repeat, my heart gushed forth in a flood of love. Here was a rix ! I , a married man, going to st e his telegraphic bride, ami technically in love with another woman. I began to repent my haste, and when too late, saw the error of marrying one I had never set my eyes upon. What could I do? The lady was also married, for I heard the driver call her madam. ' How she eyed me! I spoke about the coach window being raised to suit her. She thanked me int ones that acted like an arterial stimulant. I was gone. Much conversation followed, and 1 was a goner. I saw she was giving me sweet, yet pleading looks. Heav ens, thought I, she is unhappily mated; suppose I give her my sym pathy. Yet. should I jeopardise myself before such transcendant charms? Suppose I betray my love, how would I feel in the presence of my wife, and w hat favor could I con fer upon a total stranger? I had it. I would betray nothing, but oiler consolation to a flower most surely neglected. We were the only pas sengers, and what a good chance. " Madam," said I, " please pardon me, but vou seem to exist under a cloud." She sighed deeply. " Well, sir, I'm not a widow, though I don't live with my hus band." "Poor soul!" continued I. She put her handkerchief to her mouth. I thought about half of it went in, but of course it was to hide her emotion. " You are not happy, madam?" " Very far from it, sir; I am mis erable!"" So was I miserable to put my arms around her neck. "Where do you reside, madam?" " In Indianapolis." " Have vou friends there?" " Many," sir." "No doubt of it. Allow me to ask, do vou love your husband?" '"Devotedly, nir." " Then you will live with him?" " Would be glad of the chance, sir." " When did you see him, last?" " I have never seen him. sir." Here she again half swallowed her handkerchief. " Never seen him! Why, what do you mean?" " Sir, have you not read of a tel egraphic wedding?" "Julius Casar!" cried I. "Tell me, are you Mrs. Kate Leary?" " I am." As I relaxed, she said: " Go on, Latimer; I knew you from your daguerreotype." I will not prolong this, but merely remark that Kate is the most devoted of women. I have not felt ashamed of my inconstancy, and would not lose her now for the wealth of the Orient. I ever consider us as bound together by wire, and when asked if I sm a married man I always feel like saving verv. Mrs. Howell of Marion county, last week cleaned a chicken m-ona.-..- tory to cooking it for dinner, and piacea it m a pan w hich rested on the coocking stove. After being in the pan for a few minutes, she took hold of it to remove it to the cooking vessel when she received a severe electrical shock. She called in the neighbors and they too experienced the same shock when touching the chicken. Let them explain this w ho can. r Vifes for the Wards. X. York World. It is stated that one of the wo-rds of the nation has "retpiisitioned" his Great Father who is in Washing ton for OXE HUNDRED PALE-FACED WIVES, alleging as for this unprecedented demand that the pale-faces have made such inroads upon the available stock of dusky maidens that there are not wives enough left to go round his tribe We do not intend to strive with this sacham for his demand upon the Indian Department, nor shall we hint that his warriors are better olF and HAPPIER WIFELESS than they w ould be should some fe male creature not too bright nor good drop her hoopskirts o' nights besides the furry pallet of each, or in the morning season his grasshop pers with her smiles. Man being reasonable, must get married as well as drunk. Nor shall we criticise the manner more than the matter of his request. The Indian Department has furnished the Indians with the Castile soap which he does not use and the fine-tooth combs which he does not need, and has given him each day his daily bread, hair-oil, canned peaches, and tatting-shuttles, Small wonder, then, to that accom modating bureau he goes, arguing that they who give hoop-skirts will also furnish women to tit them, and that wives are as prime necessities to the savage as sardines (small tins.) To obtain the requisite number of wives will not be by any means dif ficult. There are thousands of hus bands who would willingly spare theirs. Over and above this certain t source there are the 20" ,000 SURPLUS FEMALF.S of Massachusetts, though, after the experience of Mrs. Sitting Bear No 3 ne; Amanda Barber, it is possible that matrimony among the Madans would oiler ever fewer inducements than maidenhood in Massachusetts. But there is always one resource the strong-minded women; and we think it possible to till the sachem's requisition with ease and advantage, possibly to himself, but certainly to the public at large. There are probabl y 5,000 women in the United States whose INTELLECTUAL MEASLES have struck in instead of coming to tlie surface and vanishing in the healthful rash of nursing, housekeep ing, coddling clergymen, and barter ing moth-eaten pantaloons for Dres den china shepherdesses and tin j)an These are the women who wear their hair short and their tongues long; who write women with capital W, and invaribly qualify the noun man with the prefix tyrant; whose hus bands are not their affinities, and whose affinities are not their hus bands; who have missions, but do not retend to have morals. If the Government would but call a con vention of these ladies and exhort its dusky wards, as the children of Isra el did the sons of Benjamin, to lie in wait around the corners and catch them wives, we feel sure that public opinion, "regardless of previous par ty affiliations" as" the grangers say, would warmly applaud the act. WHAT THE RESULT WOULD P.E WE, as philosophers and physiologists, do not care to anticipate. Whether woman would talk Cross-eyed Cata mount to death or Cross-eyed Cata mount would tomahawk the woman would make on difference; either way it would inure to our good. There might be cause for apprehen sion were it likely that the union thus formed would prove productive for a cross between a Sioux Chief and a Shrieking Sister, combining the irrepressible volubility of one parent with the irreclaimal.de vicious ness of the other would be far from desirable. But there is little fear of such a contingency. The strong minded female though sometimes a w ife is never a mother, and the cul tivation of the Indian papoose has become a work of difficulty since the Chivington affair. A Hushaxd's Ada'Ick. A farmer and his wife called at a Detroit pho tograph gallery, recently, to order photog.iaphs of her, and while the operator was getting ready, the hus band gave his w ife a little advice as to how she must act: " Fasten your mind on something," he said, " or else you'll laugh and spile the job. think about early days; how your father got in jail, and your mother was an old scloder. and what you would have been if I hadn't pitied you. Jest fasten your mind on that!" She didn't have any taken. Useful Boy. There is a twelve-year-old boy in Farmington, Me., who for five or six weeks last year did all the house work for his helpless mother and three children all under three years of age. The Chronicle says he made butter, pies, biscuit, etc., and didn't shirk from the task of preparing meals for a partv of threshers at work in the barn. Wil lie Badcliffe is his name, and he has made it a name to be proud of. How hi: Spelled it. An Indian apolis editor is responsible for this: " A young lady in Indiana sought to demolish an unfaithful lover by pub lishing some verses addressed to him, in which, after prophesying her im mediate dissolution, she said: 'Come gaze upon my dust, false one.' But the compositor spelled dnst with a V" How to do It. A young gentle man at Kansas City sent seventy-five cents to New York recently for a method of writing without pen or ink. He received the following inscription, in large type, on a card: "Write with a pencil." 0 TERRIFIC COMBAT BETWEEN AX rXDIA2f AXD A CALIFORNIA LIOXESS THE BEAST DISPATiILED. From the San Diego Union Sept. f2.J We were made -acquainted the oth er day with a highly sensational af fair in whieh the lately elected Dem ocratic Supervisor, Jake Bergman participated. About sunrise, one day last July 'our friend was aroused by the peculiar noises made by his stock. He at once arose, dressed himself, and looking down the val ley in which his house is situated (ho lives in Aguanga), he saw his cattle all group-id together in a sort of hol low squa-e, with the calves in tho centre. This was an unwonted sight and no rghnent could have been more perfectly arranged foT protec tion than these dumb beasts. A ram part of horns was presented to what ever danger might menace. Singu larly enouyh the sight suggests o precaution to our friend, and he left the house to go and see what the matter was, without arming himself. The cattle were collected a little be low a fine spring, one of the three in the neigboihood of Bergman's house. Just as Bergman passed the spring which is surrounded by some trees, a large California lioness sprang up on him. Unarmed and taken by sur prise, Jake grappled with the beast as best he might. He is a short, thick-set man, of enormous muscular power. Strong as he is, it was aveiy unequal fight, and he was in a terri ble predicament. The lioness' claws were doing fearful execution upon his breast and arms, and a little longer continuance of the unequal combat meant death. Fortunately, at this moment, an Indian servant of Jake's rushed to the scene, lie, also, was unarmed. The lioness, noticing the new assail ant released her hold of Bergman and pounced upon the Indian. The same terrible work- was again gone through with. The sharp, merciless claws were almost on the point of tearing the poor fellow's heart out, when Jake again came to the rescue. He had succeeded in arming himself with a heavy stake. So close were the animals and human combatants intermingled that it was with diffi culty Bergman could get an opportun ity of planting in the needed blow. At last an opening offered, and one terrible stroke on the head from Jake's nervous arm, broke the lion ess's skull, and ended her warfare and life together. The combat through, the living participants found themselves almost in a dying condition. Their breasts and arms were grievously lacerated; and, from excessive loss of blood, they found it almost impossible to drag themselves to Bergman's house. They succeeded finally, their wounds were dressed, and neither were found to have sustained any injuries which would incapacitate them. As we have said the lioness was of monstrous size, measuring six feet from the nose to the tip of the tail. Bergman had the brute cut open. She was not found to have anything whatever in her stomach. She had been led by hunger to jirowl in the neighborhood of Bergman's house to pick up a stray calf. The masterly tactics of the cattle had foiled her, and Jake coming along, she thought she would try a mess of human fiesh. The issue of the combat was a fortun ate one, but the newly elected super visor does not care to have many ex periences of that kind. They might not have such a happy termination. A Cure for Corns. "John Paul" (Charles II . Webb) is responsible for the following in one of his letters to the New York Tribune: Now, since corn-curers are loom ing up I'll furnish a prescrip tion that will cure the worst corn going, if it is faithfully followed, and I don't want a certificate from the cured, either. A ten cent stamp will do for me, if grateful convales cents insist on sending something. Listen: Pare all around the corn with a very sharp knife, and be careful to draw no blood. It is bet ter to soften the corn with a little warm water before beginning to op erate. Prepare a salve of pure white wax, mutton tallow and rosin, in about equal parts, and annoint the corn well with this at intervals dur ing tlie day. On retiring, to bed at night, draw the thumb of an old kid glove over the troubled toe, cutting a hole in it sufficiently large to per mit the corn to protrude. Tie a piece of black silk thread carefully around the corn. Now wrap the toe up well in a strip of red flannel, sat urated with a mixture in equal pro portions of turpentine and sweet oil. Then amputate the toe below " the first joint, and if you set it on fire your corn will disappear at once. Or, if you throw it out of the win dow, toe, and all, and Appleton's dog comes along and thinks he has got a pood thing and choke's in en deavoring to swallow it, that is his misfortune and not your fault, and two nuisances are got well rid of at once. A Valuable Opixiox. An ex change quotes the remark of an em inent Eastern lawyer to the effect that at the age of three score a man should take for his three rules of life "employment without labor, exer cise without weariness, and temper ance without abstinence." Many a client has paid his attorney a thou sand dollar fee for an opinion not worth half so much as this. As Much Fun. A correspondent of the New York JiiVsays that "kiss ing a lady with an Elizalethan ruff on is about as much fun as embrac ing a circular say in full motion." To The Death. o o o o o O o O O o o G o o o O O O o o 0- o O o o o o G o