KING IS DEAD
EARTHQUAKE RUINS CITY.
Hundreds Killed nt Cartago. Cotta
Rica (Jodies (taing Recovered.
San Jose, Costa Rica, May 7. The
■<arthi|Unkv that laid waste the town
of Cartago ta-eurred at il:5<l o'clock
Wednesday night and continued als>ut
1 |K seconds, in that brief time the
buildings of th« place colla|>acd, bury
ing hundreds. Th«- dead were first es
timated at 600, but it is believed to
night that the fatalitii-a were much
greater.
Four humired lasliea were recovered
today.
hollowing the shock twilight waa
turned into darkness of midnight by
cloud, of dust that rose from the
ruins. Panic ensueil anil the cries of
S»v»r» Cold Brings Bronchitis, Which the injured and fleeing survivors filli-d
I the air.
D.v.lop. Pneumonia Was Ill
Cooler heads went to the telegraph
Only Si. Day*.
office to summon help, only to Jimi the
operators dead, lines down and traffic
impaired on.th«* reeilroad.
London, May 7, 6 A. M. Kin« Ed
As soon as the news reached San
ward VII died from pneumonic al 11:46 Jose, President tionssles Vieques, ac
laat night at Burk Ingham Falarv, and companied by President elect Richard
at the aamv moment the crown and Jiminez amid many doctors ami nurse.,
acepter of the Empire of Great Britain started on a a|ieclal train to aid the
paaa<<l automatically to hla aon ami survivors. Upon the president's ar
hair. Prince George of Walea, now rival at Cartago, martial law was pro
George V.
claimed.
Provisions, medicine, ami
Death .truck down the niightleat clothing were dl.patcheil from here.
hereditary ruler of the world with aa
Throughout the day special trains ar
little compunction aa if hi. victim hail rived here, bringing the wounded.
I men the meaneat of that king*, sub
Hundreds of survivor» were cam|x»l
jects. The prayers of the whole na outside the ruined city awaiting trans-
tion, hound to its monarch by cen portal ion to other points.
They are
turies of tradition and by a love born Iteing fed at public expense.
Seven
of complete ami intimate knowledge carloads of provisions have been dis
of that ruler*, foible., almost as much patched from here and Alajuela.
aa of hl. great virtues, availed b> stay
The beautiful |>eaee palace, the gift
the hand of the Reaper not one jot.
of Andrew Carnegie, erected at a coat
King Ed w aril died almost before his of $100,000, was converted into a pile
subjects had begun to realise that he of debris. Other |>ublic buildings met
waa seriously III. lie was taken .ick the same fate.
a »<*k ago. After three days a ser
Many students at the college of the
ious complication liegan to develop. Silesian Fathers were killed.
The fourth day hi. physicians issued
The tremors continue tonight ami the
bulletin that stirred the whole nation terror of the ja-ople increases. The
to Ila depts. On the sixth day the fear of further shocks has extended to
king waa dead.
the neighboring towns.
The shock to Great Britain ami to
Only the early hour of the evening
the world had been tremendous, not in at which the disaster occurred pre
a national way, for the death of the vented n much greater loss of life. At
king has been discounted in the mar the time many |>coplc were in the open.
kets for many years, but to the em
So far no deaths have been reported
pire's sentimentality.
King Edward among the American colony.
was sincerely loved throughout the
The disaster was not preceded by
length and breadth. of
England's any activity of the volcano Poaz or of
piHuu-Mions.
other volcanic vents. The shock was
lie waa loved aa a great son of a no felt throughout Coats Rica ami in |>arta
ble mother, ami he was loved for him of Nicaragua. Great fissures opened
self la-cause he had itl hl. character at many places in the Volcanic tone.
that rare commingling of demm-tatic
The ministers of Mexico and of Cen
simplicity with kingly dignity which tral American countries have asked
made him justly the "first gentleman their governments to contribute to the
of Great Britain.”
aid of their sister republic. Several
Politically, the death of Edward VII prominent
Spanish Americans
are
contains grave potentialities.
The among the dead.
Thee»* include the
commons is now engaged In “reform wife of Dr. Bocanegra, the Guatema
ing llie house of Ionia.” To Edward a lan magistrate to the Central Ameri
liberal ministry hail looked with confi can arbitration court, ami Senor Trejos.
deuce for the creating of such |a-ers us
would carry out the w ill of the |a-ople
APACHES ATTACK WOMAN.
aa expressed at the laat election. Now
a new king ste|w forwanl to take Ed Prospector With Clubbed Revolver
ward*. place. What attitude he may
Makes Rescue Against Odds.
assume in this, the greatest political
Globe, Ariz., May 7 Drunken ^Apa
crisis Engl ami has faced in generations,
che» attacked the ranch of Daniel Ma
remain, a problem.
Nearly all member» of the king’s ben, four miles East of Globe, last
immediate family were at his liedaidc night in quest of Maben, who hail
when the king died. Just la-fore the killed an Apache several months ago.
end came, the royal patient rallied and Maben is now in the territorial insane
asylum ami only his wife and Dr-year-
spoke weakly to those ata>ut him.
"I know it is all over,” he said, "but old daughter were at the ranch.
Eugene Barrows, a prospector, res
I think I've done my duty.”
cued Mrs. Maben ami her daughter af
Those were Ina laat wonis.
The first official act of the new king, ter a thrilling encounter.
Using his weapon as a club, Barrows
George V, was performed immediate
ly after his father hiul breathed his laat. fought his way through the Indians,
lie dispatched to the lonl mayor of who numbered half a dozen. The last
London the announcement of Edward one attacked him with a knife and
VIPs death, in pursuance of an age old Barrow s broke the revolver over his
custom. Ilia telegram read: "1 am head.
Barrows ami the women succeeded
deeply grieved to inform you that my
beloved father, the king, passed away in reaching the Sixty-Six ranch, half
mil«’ away, and came into Globe this
peacefully nt 11¡46 tonight.
morning.
(Signed)
“George.”
Big Soap Factory Burns.
That George V will leave any deep
Kansas City, Mo., May 7 The plant
imprint on English his troy aa a sover
eign of force and commanding ability of the Peet Bros. Manufacturing com
is much to la- doubted, but at least he pany, one of the largest soap and gly
is likely to prove a king of good heart, cerine factories in the southwest, was
<>f conscientious attention to duty ami destroyed by fire tonight, entailing a
loss estimated at $1,500,000.
The
of discretion in state affairs,
Geogre bring» to the throne consid flames for a time threatemd the plants
erable experience of his own in rou of the Schwarzschild A Sulzberger
tine demands of public service made Packing company, and the American
Energetic
upon him aa the prince of Walea, and Dressed Beef company.
he comes to the task of governing work on the part of the firemen pre
with fair ability, a giaai personality vented serious damage to the Schwarz-
and a serious sense of his own responsi child plant when the south wall of the
Peet plant fell U|ion it.
,
bilities.
ENGLISH RULER
PASSES TO REST
Peaceful Reign ol Nine Years
Suddenly Ended.
BRIEF REPORT OF THE DAILY
WORK OF NATION’S LAWMAKERS
Washington, Muy 10. ” Water com
petition is n tkiton,” declared Senator
Heyburn, of Idaho, in th«* course of a
s | m <H-h in support of his long aisl short
haul amendment to lh>- interstate com
merce bill.
His declaration was made in re
sponse to an Interruption by Senator
Brigg», of New Jersey, who had set
up th«- argument that transcontinental
rail rates were necessarily affi—ted by
water competition, an argument that
did not meet the approval of the I aho
senator, but which brought forth the
foregoing answer.
Without a single dissenting Republi
can Vote, the house today passed the
railroad bill, one of the chief measures
which President Taft wished enacted
at the present session of congress, by
200 to 126.
Fourteen Democrats joined the ma
jority. President Taft tonight said
that he was deeply gratified over the
passage of the measure.
He was es
pecially pleasiil with the comfortable
margin by which the commerce court
feature was kept in the bill, for he re
gards this court aa probably the moat
im|«>rtant step in the propoat-d law.
Referring to the clause providing for
the physical valuation of railroads, Mr.
Taft pointed out that the power now
practically rests with the Interstate
(Commerce commission, and that the
difficulty in carrying out such a plan
always has been found in the enormous
coat of the undertaking.
Just la-fore adjourning today, the
senate adopted a substitute for th«-
resolution directing an investigation
of aliuses of the franking privilege,
which waa introduced yesterday by
Senator Stone, of Missouri. Th«- sub
stitute authorizes an investigation into
the »fierial case covered by the Stone
resolution, which had reference to the
circulation of a pamphlet in defense of
the Payne Aldrich tariff law.
Washington, May 9.—The Republi
can party no longer dominates con
gress. While nominally in control of
the senate and house of representa
tives, the Republicans, as a matter of
fact, constitute today a hopeless minor
ity, powerless to legislate as they
would; (Miwerles to carry out the will
of the administration. Both branches
of the nation! legislature are in the
hands of a party made up of Demo
crats and Republican insurgents, and
but for the steadfast regularity of Pres
ident Taft, they would have control of
the entire government.
The situation is without a parallel
in recent years. What it will lead to
not even the boldest politicians predict.
Nobody knows. Certain it is, how
ever, that the breach in the Republi
can party has opened so wide that not
even the pr«*aident, the great pacifica
tor, can now bring the warring fac
tions together.
In the judgment of some of the older
Republicans, there is only one solution
of the great problem to relinquish the
government for the time being to the
Dcmo-rsts. and fight out factional
differences in the Republican ranks un
til one element or the other is exterm
inated.
As showing the need for reorganiza
tion of the reclamation service, which
Secretary Ballinger has announced will
be accomplished as the certain result
of his remaining in the cabinet, the
»«•cretary's criticisms of the service
made when on the witnees stand are
interesting.
Also Mr. Ballinger has made plain
th«* duty of congress to pass the $30,-
000,000 bill to enable the government
to hasten the completion of projects
which have been long delayed.
He
showed that the passage of this bill
would lie economy to the government,
for it would hasten th«* completion of
the projects, and hasten returns to the
reclamation fund.
Washington, May 7. A subcommit
tee of the Indian affairs committee
met in Chamberlain’s office today anil
voted «to report to the full committ«*e
Wednesday for Chamberlain's Siletz
bill, omitting the requirement to pay
$2.50 an acre, on th«* the«>ry that if the
entrymen were honest there was no
reason why they should lie assessed
that sum.
The subcommittee also
omitting the clause denying protection
to purchasers from original homestead
ers.
A general investigation into the
cause of the ill health of senators soon
will be in order. No less than eight
of th«* members of th«* highest legisla
tive bidy in the world are on the sick
list, including Senator Daniel of Vir
ginia, McCumber of North Dakota,
Tillman of South Carolina, Depew of
New York and Penrose of Pennsylvan
ia.
The idea that the trouble is due to
too much insurgency is not tenable, as
the patients lire not among thos«* who
find it necessary to tak«* this insurgent
business very much to heart.
Th«* epidemic of retirement among
senatorial leaders may perhaps be at
tributed to this cause, however.
The
United States senate promises to be
almost unrecognizable after March 4,
1911. Aldrich will ba out certainly,
if the Macedonian erv from th«* regu
lars does not induce nim to change his
determination. There seems to be a
strong chance that the seats of Sena-
Washington, May 6. The house to
day rejected the Washburn amendment
to the railroad bill, providing that sec
tion 12, prohibiting acquisition of com
peting lines, "shall not affect any
leases of railroad property made prior
to January 1, 1910, for a period of 20
year»."
The Adamson amendment to
the same section, exempting any rail
roads entirely within one state, was
defeated, 121 to 144. The house then
struck out the entire section 12 of the
railroad bill, prohibiting the acquisi
tion of the stock of competing linew.
The vote was 131 to 128.
The mo
tion was made by Adamson, of Geor
gia, in charge of the Democratic side.
Carrying an aggregate appropriation
of $241,000,000, the postoffice appro
priation bill was paaaeil today by
the senate, after 40 minutes' consider
ation.
The measure went through
without change from the form in which
it was reported from committee.
The house rejected the
Sulzer
amendment to the anti-merger section,
striking out the words "common car
riers” from the section. The purpose
of the amendment, Mr. Sulzer ex
plained, was to make it apply to such
holding companies as the Northern
Securities company.
The sundry civil appropriation bill,
the second largest of all the appropria
tion bills, and carrying a total of
$111,849,211, was
reported to the
house today by Representative Taw
ney, of Minnesota, chairman of the
committee on appropriations
The to
tal represents a cut of $16,650,000
from the estimates submitted to the
committee. Of the grand total, the
largest single item is $37,859,890 for
the continuation of the construction of
the Panama canal.
Comet is Now Visible.
San Jose, Cal., May 7. -Halley’s
comet was magnificent object at Lick
observatory this morning. Dr. Curtis
photographed 18 degrees of the tail.
At the present distance of the comet
from the earth this corresponds to a
length of 20,000,000 miles. A greater
length could have been photographed,
but 18 degrees was the full capacity of
"Fast Wire" Suspected.
Abuse Franking Period.
the instrument. The best time to see
Washington, May 5.—The establish-I
the comet is between 3:30 and 3:45 a.
Washington,
May 11. — Senator
ment of a direct connection with Mar Stone of Missouri todsy introduced a
m., in the East near the horizon.
rin’s Fast Wire service by one of the resolution demandingrthat the senate
Farmers Labor's Ally.
leading wire concerns *f the country investigate ' what he declared was a
St. lamia, May 7. Organized labor seems to be the object of the inquiry gross violation of the franking privil-
and organized farmers will work to now pending before th«* grand jury ege.
He mentioned particularly a
gether hereafter in preserving the which today continued its investiga- [ book called "The Story of the Tariff.”
rights and liberties of both classes of tion into the methods of acquiring This, he said, had been widely circula
workers under the provisions of a reso stock quotations by bucket shops. ted. "This lxx»k is purely a campaign
lution unanimously adopted by the ex Five officials of the Western Union document,” the senator declared. “I
ecutive committee of the Farmers Edu Telegraph company gave evidence to have been told that it was compile«! by
cative and Co-operative Union here. the jury.
the American ProtectiveTariff league. ”
There Is a good ileal of talk nowa
days about the value of plenty of
tn »h air In sleeping rooms. Dr. Add!-
»on W. Baird tells In the Surrey alxiut
t r'Mjf camp that he bag built on the
top of his New York dwelling Here
lie sl«< pa, and here he finds rest In
the open air Is quieter and deeper
than Indoors.
"One may be sleepy when the alarm
sounds In the morning, but rises re
freshed and Invigorated,'* be says. "In
fart, this urban o;>en air life has a
number of pleasant features. Thera
la a sense of remoteness, of being away
from the noise and movement of the
city.
"lxxiklng out over the roofs the
acene Is often one of great beauty The
electric light streaming upward on the
tali buildings of the neighborhood la
very striking, and further on can be
seen the Palisades with their brilliant
arc lights and the dark river beneath.
In winter time moonlight glistening
on the surrounding snowclad roofs
forma a very attractive picture.
'Thia roof bouse Is twelve feet
square and constats of a steel frame
work covered In with fireproof mate
rials to comply with the building code.
Across the front extends a series of
doors, so that tbia whole side can be
thrown open.
"The walls are double and the Inter
space has openings top and bottom,
thus providing free circulation of air,
and the roof also Is double, with ven
tilation through a small cupola. The
effect of this cellular construction Is
to prevent the apartment from becom
ing overheated when the sun's rays
play npon It throughout the long sum
mer days
The whole cost waa less
than $400."
New Minister to C hina Caiaach. Pra»-
Idml McKinley’* E rbcf «
Washington, May 4. — The house
today passed the bill previously passed
by the senato providing for the sale of
about five sections belonging to the Si
letz Indians on th«* Siletz reservation
in Oregon.
The bill authorizes the
secretary of the interior to sell at pub
lic auction lands which were reserve«!
under article four of the Siletz treaty
of October 31, 1852.
The senate public lands committee
today ordered Senator Jones to make a
favorable re|»>rt on the Hamer bill,
which recently passed the house, au
thorizing the states to exchange their
school sections in forest reserves for
compact bodies of forest reserve lan«l
of like quantity and value.
Senator Heyburn was the only mem
ber of the committee to oppose a favor
able report, and gave notice that he
would continue his objection when the
bill is called up for conaideration in
th«* senate.
Senator Piles today proposed the fol
lowing amendments to the omnibus
lighthouse bill: Establishing alight-
house st Eliza Island, Bellingham Bay,
$30,000; lighthouse* at Kellets Rluff.
$30,000; light vessel for a station at
Partridge Point, $00,000: aids to navi
gation of Puget Sound, $410,000;
lighthouse tender for Alaska. $225,000; ,
increasing appropriation aids to navi
gation in Alaska from $30,000 to $80,-
000.
Representative Humphreys' bill pro
viding for marking th«* Oregon trail
was favorably reported to the house
today, carrying an appropriation of
$25,000 and granting to the Secretary
of war authority to receive private
contributions to swell the fund for
erection of suitable monuments.
Bucketshop Probe Ends.
Washington, May 5. The investiga
tion in the New York end of the wire
responsibility for the receipt of stock
quotations by bucketsho|>s was conclud
ed today before the Federal grand jury.
Should a presentment against the West
ern Union Telegraph company lie vot
ed, it would la- several days before an
indictment could lie returned. It is
understiaal that additional conspiracy
indictments are on file with the depart
ment of justice.
ROOF.
STORY BOOMED CALHOUM.
Washington, May 5.—Commending
the election system of hie state. Sena
tor Bourne, of Oregon, in an extended
s|H-ech in the senate today aroused gen
eral debate on the question of repre
sentative government which dealt es
pecially with the effect on the Southern
states of the system of selecting Fed
eral officials for that section.
Bourne dwelt in terms of sdmirstion
on the methods of conducting elections
and selecting officerholders in Oregon.
He declared that Oregon had “evolved
the liest form of popular government
in the world today,” and defended the
election of his Democratic colleague,
Chamberlain, by a Republican legisla
ture.
Representative Knowland of Califor
nia. offered an amendment to the rail
road bill today, providing that when a
railroad in competition with a water
route lowered a rate, it should not be
permitted to increase the rate until, in
a hearing before the Interstate com
merce commission, it had shown a rea
son for the increase aside from the
water route.
Democrats, insurgents and some reg
ular Republicans, even members of the
committee reporting the measure, sup
ported Mr. Know-land's amendment,
which, it was said, would prevent a
railread from eliminating water route
competition by a low rate and then in
■ creasing the rate as soon ss the com
petition was removed. By 106 to 77
the amendment was adopted.
Great Northern to Build.
Great Falls. Mont., May 7. The
Great Northern Railway company to-
day started condemnation proceedings
for right of way through Fergus coun
ty for building a branch line about 850
miles long, from Hauck's siding on the
Billings Ji Northern, a Great Northern
branch, to a junction with the main
line on the Great Northern at a point
near Mondak, on the Montana-Dakota
line. In suliatance, this means that
the Great Northern is almut to build
an entirely new line from the Montana-
Dakota line to Great Falls.
1ÏEW YORK
I »l»w» l>,,«-f«,e II m IIS« a<IH> K »treat
on Top of III» lloaw,
Lira Hal«-, of Maine, Burrows, of Mich
igan, and Depew, of New York, will j
l>e «erupted by other
men, wbil«*
Isidge, of Massachusetts, Beveridge,
of Indiana, Dick, of Ohio, Kean, of
New Jersey, La Folette, of Wisconsin,
and other leaders, can hardly lie said
to have a copper fastened cinch on
their places.
“The Country's All Right.''
New York, May 5. Before sailing
tmlay for his summer home in Scotland, I
Andrew Carnegie had a few won!» to '
say about the tariff.
“in my opinion greater progress had
been made by the latest tariff revision
towards the perfect tariff than ever
la-fore,” he observed. “Of course, it
is hard to plcaw everybody, and I can
only express my opinion by quoting
something I read on a [aistal card late-1
ly: "Let the growlers scowl, let the
howlers howl, and the |a>liticians go it. '
The country’s all right and I know it.”
Steel Employes Slaves.
Washington, May 5. The report of
the bureau of labor U|»>n the conditions
at the Bethlehem Steel Works, of
South Bethlehem, Pa., which was sub
mitted to the senate today, says that
2,322 men worked 12 hours a day for
seven days a week.
CAMP ON A
j
I
William J Calhoun, the new minis
ter to China, was a Chicago lawyer
with little more than a local reputa
tion In 1896, when he fought for Mc
Kinley's nomination and for his elec
tion against Bryan, says the Boston
Herald It was on the stump that be
attraited a lot of attention, and some
of his friends say that a story he told
at the big political meeting in Chicago
had as much bearing upon his future
<areer as anything be ever did or said.
It was at the closing meeting of the
i-ampaign. the so-called "Flag Rally,"
presided over by Mark Hanna, that
Mr. Calhoun sprung this one:
"I waa recently campaiging down In
that part of the state we call 'Egypt,'"
said be, "and was just getting started
on my speech when a man who was
the worse for several drinks broke In.
"'I can lick any man In Egypt,' he
remarked, loudly.
"Nobody paid any attention.
“I can lick any man in the coun-
.ry,' he volunteered again.
'* T can lick the stuffin' out of any
man In the state of Illinois,' declared
•he scrappy one.
"No takera.
'"I can lick any ------ ------ man In
the whole United States, and I can
lick him to death,' was the last chai
'enge.
"A little stubby railroad brakeman
walked slowly over to him, planted a
fist on the would-be champion's jaw
and the latter passed down and out
Ten minutes later he came to.
‘•'The mistake I made,' he remarked,
'was when I tried to bite off too much
territory.'"
The story made the hit of the meet
ing. caught Mr Hanna's fancy, and,
according to report, drew Mr McKin
ley's attention to Mr. Calhoun. At any
rate. President McKinley appointed
him to the interstate commerce com
mission, and a career in public life
followed.
IlnmnirrlnK the III 11 I x » r r<!a.
It is said that during a strike of the
billposters of Chicago a number of the
ater manag«*rs made exclusive use of
newspaper advertising to announce
their attractions and found that they
were drawing bigger houses during
that period than when they were mak
ing free use of the billboards. Our
cities have had hard times trying to
abolish the billboard nuisance. Per
haps a general realization that bill
boards are unprofitable as well as un
sightly would help a lot In having their
use discontinued.—Success Magazine.
Caatle (¡«rilrn.
Only old New Yorkers know that
there used to be an tsland 200 feet off
the Battery and that It was fortified
and known as Fort Clinton The Is
land was connected with the mainland
by a drawbridge. When the waterway
was filled in the island became a part
of the Battery and was known as Cas
tle Garden
As everybody knows, it
Is now the aquarium.
Doubt fill Conipllnipnt,
Mr Phamilee—If you'd only sent us
word you were coming, Briggs. How
ever. I trust von have managed to
make out a dinner.
Guest (politely) — Bless you, old
chap, I only tope I may never eat a
worse one.—Boston Transcript
D oulil
He
D !••»
"That robin redbreast gave me quit»
a start.”
"Why so?”
"I thought for a moment that 'he
Intelligent bird was wearing a chest
protector."—Courier-Journal.
Her Kind.
"That pretty girl when she cries Is
a very affecting sight. She is a regu
lar picture."
"Yes, what one might call a moving
picture.”—Baltimore American.
It is age that makes a man look
old; in a woman's case It Is trouble.
Mrs Telllt—Yes, shs 1» • decided
blonds. Mrs. Knockll—Indeed) Wb»n
did sbe decide?—Milwaukee Newa
"Little boy, haven't I seen you la
my Bible class?” "Not unless I walk*
In me sleep, lady.”—New Orleans Pic
ayune.
Ell*—Bella married an octogenarian.
Stell*—I don't think that a girl ought
to change her religion for a man.—
Chicago Dally Newa
"What selection is that the orchestra
has just finished?** "I don’t know.
Sounded to me like neuralgia express
ed in music.”—Tit-Bits.
Daughter—Did you have to fish
much, mamma, before you caught
papa? Mother—Fish, my dear, fish! I
waa bear hunting.—M. A P.
"How much does It cost to get mar
ried?" asked the eager youth. "That
depends entirely on how long you live,"
replied the aad loooklng man.
"How la the water In the bath, Li
sette?” "Cold, my lady. It turned
baby fairly blue.” "Then don't put
Fldo In for an hour or so.”—Pittsburg
Post
He— Why are you so sad, darling?
She—I was just thinking, dearest, that
thia la the last evening we can be to
gether till to-morrow.—Chicago Daily
News.
Professor (examining medical stu
dent)— It you were called out to a ?a-
iJS-nt what is the first question you
would ask? Medical Student—Whera
hs lives.
"Splendid color, Isn't It?" asked th»
fishmonger, cutting open a salmon.
"Yas." replied the purchaser, "looks
as if It were blushing at the price you
ask for It”
Wiggs—How do you know he'» a for
eigner? He has no accent? Waggs—
No, but he knows so many ways In
which this country could be Improved.
—Philadelphia Record.
"What did the poet mean when ha
called his country ’th» land of the frea
and the home of the brave'?” "He was
probably referring to bachelors and
married men," said old Mr. Smithers,
sadiy.
"What do you suppose, Algernon."
the young thing asked, "Is the reason
the ocean Is salty?" “I am sure I don't
know," drawled Algy, "unless it Is be
cause there are so many codfish in It"
—Success Magazine.
The Manager—I've got a new Idea
for a melodrama that ought to make a
hit. The Writer—What is it? Tha
Manager—The idea is to Introduce a
cyclone Into the first act that will kill
all the actors.—Tit-Bits.
'T've got to go to Philadelphia." said
the hurried traveler, who was fumbling
for his pocketbook. "Well," answered
the New York ticket-seller, "are you
buying transportation or just telling
your troubles?"—Washington Star.
Bowers—I understand that tne doc
tors have just had a consultation ¿n
Murphy. Wbat conclusion did they
come to? Powers—They decided that
the patient was not wealthy enough to
stand an operation.—Spokane Review.
Ebeneezer—Them skeeters maxes ma
think of them city visitors we had ths
week before laat.
His Wife—How s
that. Eb? Ebeneezer—They come pret
ty near bein' the worst singers and the
biggest eaters I ever see.—Illustrated
Bits.
Gladys—Oh. mamma! Here's a not»
from that long haired pianist He says
it will be impossible tor him to play
at our reception to-night Mamma—
What's tha trouble? Gladys—Soma
one stole his wig.—Chicago Daily
News.
The Kind Lady—You clear off or I'll
set the dog at you. Tho Tramp—Ah.
'ow deceptive Is 'uman natur’. Fer two
nights I've slept In yer barn, eaten of
yer poultry an' drunk of yer cider, and
now yer treats me as an utter stran
ger.—The Sketch.
"They tell me," said the Innocent
maid, "that your marriage was the re
sult of love at first sight. Is It true?“
"It Is," answered the round-shouldered
man, sadly. "Had I been gifted with
second sight I'd still be In the bachelor
class!"—Chicago Record-Herald.
"I hope you will be interested in
yonder gentleman," said the hostess.
"I have assigned him to take you out
to dinner.” "I shall be," responded tha
lady addressed. "That gentleman was
forme;!; my husband, and he's behind
with his alimony.''—Louisville Cour^
ier-Journal.
Magistrate—Officer, what is this man
charged with Constable—He's a cam
era fiend of the worst kind, yer wor
ship. . Magistrate—But
this
man
shouldn't have been arrested simply be
cause he has a mania tor taking plo-
tures
Constable—It Isn't that, yer
worship; he takes the cameras.—Bos
ton Globe. -
"That Is a fat. prosperous-looking en
velope. Does our salesman send In a
big bunch of orders?" "Net exactly.
That envelope contains a receipt ror
his last check, his expense account tor
this week, a request for a salary raise,
and a requisition for some more ex
pense
account
blanks."—Louisville
Courier-Journal.
Revtr««
Thing«.
Wife—The landlord was here to-«lay
and I gave him the rent and showed
him the baby.
Hubby—Next time he comes around
suppose you show him the rent and
give him the baby.