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About Beaver State herald. (Gresham and Montavilla, Multnomah Co., Or.) 190?-1914 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 13, 1907)
the uii«nint«l millions nf heaven!) I I hh II vs I s It true that life Is eiblblletl tlicrv, Jusl us It la on earth? We I ihvi no nii>iiu|Hily of existence or of lineili genre; the starry imlvera« wss ndt rm at«l only fur our benefit There Is i thought Worth dwelling on. Probably you haven't uotlced It, but aevurdiug to reporta, lobsters are rap Idly bveoudiig extinct. tv w The late George Washington prob ably felt that he had lived It down by suiianjuent good conduct. One of the grestiwt pussies to tbe man who works every dey la to under ataúd how ths chronic loafer Uvee. Tbs Dublin espiantimi also has l>«sn a failure fltismislly. Appsrsutly tbe exposition busi lives has t>«»n over doue Mau (a a alow animal. About tbe time he bee mode up bls nilud tbat be libre bla wife's bet ehe la ready fur ■ new one. Although It may tie some time before we have universal suffrage. tbe women should prepare fur It by learning bow to get off a street ear. What her lliey have chalra or benches In 111« House of Representatives, a good tumiy Congreasmeu wlll Insist on riding tbelr hobble« na usual. Tbe rmpri'M dowager of China haa turned reformer, but thsrs la no aasur- ■nee tbat she wlll uot soon grow tired of reform and try souis other kind of amusement. Mrs Rockefeller's d«-larntton that al» end her husband cannot effort! o>sl«rs Is not easily r«*>>ticll«l with ths statement that th« Hockefellsr tn- emus Is |1|* a minute. Rome of the |wople are so old fash ioned. however, as to enjoy ■ trip on the ovan too much to want to be whlakmi si-r.ws It with the sjwed of a hoisted comet making up for lost time A Judge haa d«"l<!«! that "It Is per- fectly profier for ■ man to want to kiss ■ woins-i If she's pretty ” If she Isn’t pretty we assume that a fine of ten dollars and coats would tw about tbe proper punishment. A Philadelphia man who killed him self by Inhaling gas left 92 to pay for the gas he uiusl We have no proof, however, tbat he always presented his nickel when he was overlooked by a street car conductor. A Chicago paper tells of ■ resident •f that city who "tried to commit sui cide six times within a year." Fool ish man. As If It were poaslble tn rom mlt suicide more than cure within ■ rear or within ■ thousand years Although Chinese historians declare that balloons were made and sent up In tbelr couutry more than tkvi years ■go. and although balloon aaronakma wore made st Lisbon In the year 17*14». It Is safe to speak of the art of navi gating tho air ns still In Its Infsttcy. It may not lie growing fast, but It ao«ms tu have ronsldvrablo vitality. Public opinion la In Itself a most powerful weapon with which to com- bat tbe anarchy of genius and wealth. but If that should fall to be effective the public sentiment la so easily trans, mutisi Into statutory law, with all ol the |»> wit and resources of all tbe peo ple behind It, that unless a majority of the people should Iwrome debauched the efforts of licentious men who would hide ts-tilnd genius or wealth to defy the conventionalities of dis-ent ws-lety or the canons of goat morals wlll cer tainly fall. . Rome of Ills friends and admirers ot the Francis Hcott Key family are Inucb exorcised I mm - siis « it is prapossd lo lest down lb* old Key home stxl convert tbs priqierty to business uses. It Is understood tbat a patriotic siq>«sl wlll tie made to th« country to avert this sacrilege and subscribe funds sufficient lo preserve the hotnselssd ■■ ■ remind er of tbe author of 'Ths Htsr Hpsnglwl Hanner.” White there may tie tbs polite hope Gist th« friends In quMtlon wlll bs ■u«<Meful. It is extrsmaly doubtful that ths country st large will be Mperlally Interested In the project. Ro far as Is known there Is nothing be yond II» mere matter of Mr Key's rsaldenra to ■•socials tbe house with grateful and patriotic metnorlM Cer tainly 'The Klar Hpatigled Banner” was not written In tbs house, and Its other and g>-nitlns claims sra hardly cnnvlnclng If It Is tiw purjMise to pr» ■erve for special distinction every spot where ■ great or dlstlngulelird man has rMli|«l we shall soon have a curious «tllecllon of "historic plaroa " It would ■«•in. with due allowance for 11» rav- agM of time, that "blrtbplacM" 'birthplaces" and " homesteads” and spots "where for merly lived,” etc., must much sooner than later yield to decay and vanish from the earth It would appear use I sm . then, to select for preservation such houses ns have no marked »|q»al to public Interest or emotions of sentl ment There are l»tter and more en during ways of |H-n>etiistlng a great or e>*1 man’s memory and stH-tidlng money judiciously. It Is true that there are Some houses so fragrant with grateful sentiment that they should t» cared for and maintained to the limit of time and possibility, but this la hardly true of many buildings for which frantic apt-eala for funds have been sent out to tbe conntry In a ma jority of such cases the sentiment la either largely local or Is misdirect«!, and as rellce. monuments, or memori als the buildings have little rlalm to general re--ognltlon. Every city or town tn such InstsncM should provide for Its own places nf Interest as It may frol regarding them To this extent tbe ’old home" sentiment la worthy of encouragement SCHOOL DAYS. THE «HIP « KUSia <■«<•« «r Ha«s t’lsst«« Ortst«at«S hr Her»«« Every mornlng, just atout H. I.Itile l'Itik Nunlamnet o|s*ns thè gufa. Ami, a tilt bueki-t U|«>0 Iter arili. TrmIgea away from gr.n.dpii a rami. Tliere are cookie* ami appi* », ami tmtter and brrad, Ttp'ked away benanth tbat shilling lidi And a denr, little, chlldlsh, ••urly head l'nder He* aiinlainm-t'a crown la bld. Gearmany lends ths world In tbe pro luctlon uf chemicals. A ton of oil has been obtained from 1» tongue of a single wbele. Previous Io 17*10 tbe Fretx'b would ■ot eat potatoes, It being supposed bat they would cause freckles. Vanilla grows well In Panama, but Test difficulty la ex|ierlen<-«d In curing ba bssns owing to tbe extreme damp- H-es of tbe climate. 'Die aaucy kitten refuses to play; Oh. It la lonesome st home all day) Nobody singing shout tlie place; Nobody coaxing I lie dog to race; No little feet on tlie fresh scrubbed floor. Breaking tu ple<es grandma's rule. Ob. It Is sad whan summer Is o'er; Utils I’luk Ruubounet starts to school. One tea company In India has under ultlvatlon 1.460 acres, while another ■as 1.303 acres. It costs to produce tbe •a and place It In the market st CoJ- utta from 7 to U cents a pound. Little girls grow, of course they should Hmm io a beautiful womanbood. Then from thè <k>or. some happy day, I tear little inalden wlll go away. II la noi et rango we slmuld tlilnk of tbla. When In tlw* mornlng, brighi and cuoi, Not forgettlng a good bye klss, LItile l’Ink Huuboiinett goee to achool. —flood Houaekeeplng “I never, never will marry you un less papa conaeitts.” Kt» said thia so often that I tiegsn tn fear that she meant It. and her fa ther was OUS of those hard beaded -lien who take pride In tlw fact that they never change tlx-lr minds. 'Then l'iu going away,” said I, les- perately, "WhereF alw aak«l. Iler Incredu lous tone madden«! me. "Y *u think It an Idle th rose Nell, but Uiieaa you d«-lde ny this ilay week to bnaxiie my wife, either wltb or wlth- out your father's consent, I will gu to tbe farthest place In the world—to New Zealand." WIFE LOOKED AFTER THAT? Her eyes tilled with tears. Rhe be- ■ro bed me to have patleixx*, but I WSet W«eeee I« th« n«al«««i w«rta fused. Ar« l»uina for M«a. When the week was up all* still was In an atworblng article In "Ths In- obdurate six! 1 made all my arrange fluetK-s of the Business Woman on ments to go to New Zealand. Her tn- Home Life. In tbe Momens Home was glad to see me go. I believe. ' ••Oipanloli. Mra Amu Mt«-se Hl. h.ird . Nr|| w„, ,t tbe station tbe day I MR .-lies the following true Instance |,.ft )lt„* ( jjgaM wltb b«-r. from real life to prove her point that but m Taln S1M. |OTnl me. but «be the lews suroeesfu) liust.snd of the suc- '„)tI|d n„t be||eT. ,hBt any happInoM .-veaful business woman Is always held wuu|d come to our marriage uniese she In contempt : obtained ber father's blessing. 'Tho au|H-rlntendent of s large de It bap|M-ned that the train was late. partment store was Interviewing an We waited at the etatlou with other applicant for the position of floor walk pasaengera. Including ber mother and er Tho matt was well groomed, well father. I think the ok! man bad «>me drewM-d and pr<«q*croiia l<«>klug. 1 He down to l>e sure that Nell did not had Some exrollent crodcntlsla, too, hut weitken nnd go sway with me tlie last ns Is customary, lie was obliged to ae- minute. But I tn-gau to think tbat «mut for every month of work for Ins adorable daughter wus as obdurate three years previous. |aa her father. “He admitted lightly that he nn» | Aa we waited on the platform for work«l for the proro-dlng four tlx* train Unit was to bear me away “'Where were you?" asked .from the girl I loved a switch engine perIn tendent. ' pull«! up on one of the farther tracks "'t'p state, visiting my folks, Hadn't ■ nd my wandering eyes noth-«! that seen father atal mother for a good .th«- engineer and tireninii left the I oc < h while ' motive alone while they went Into the " ’But who supported your family r,.Mlllurant for tij,.|r dinners. during that time?' | "o. --- Will.” murmured Nell. In my '"Oh. my wife looked after that Per ea r. "I always have wanted to get In haps you have heard of !>er Mrs. «ii engine. Do you suppose they would Blank of Dash A Co.' I care If we ahoitld l«tk at that out- "The suiM-rlntendent had heard of while the man Is away?" her lie knew her to be one of the “Yoe. they would be «uro to care." I l>cst paid women In that (■articular line »aid. gloomily. "Bi-aldes, It Is against of total news and a tireless worker. He the rulro for |HiHmsigers to be on the look«! at the faultlessly groaned man, Itacka.” and said bluntly: "Couldn't you get ¡H-rmlMtlou for us " 'Horry, but we don't want your to l«>k at It?" she asked. kind. Wo need men who have to work, “Collie on. we'll uot uak for peeuils- men who cannot take a day off when slon,” I Mild. It occurred to me that they happen to feel like It. the engine cab would give me an ot> "And then, as the applicant turned |x*rtvnlty for one tltiul aud tender good- awny with a shrug of his shoulders, by. tho superintendent, who employs some "Where are you going?" «Tied Nell's two thoiisnnd women. remarki*d grim mother with a little scream, ns we ly. That Is what we re making of able stepiH-d down and across the tracks. I hk II is I men by employing women ' ” "What are you doing?" roared Nell's Arthur Malllet, who translated the rorks of Andrew Carnegie Into French, a at tbe bead of a party of French «dentists and engineers now In this ouatry Investigating tbe steel Indus- running sway. They wlll bellava I did It on punexM." . "Dldu't you?” I aalp-d Innocently, “You know I didn't," she declared, withdrawing from my arms. "It kaika much like you are running away with me.” I aald. "If you era, I can't help It. can IF | Emperor Nicholas of Russia has riven Premier Htolypln permission to veer the Japanese Order of tbe Hun of '■ulownla, bestowed uiem him by tbe Cmperor of Japan. This la tbe first lme since tbe late war that tbe Czar Uta granted such a request. There la no doubt whatever tbat tbs Irlnklng habits of the nation, and es- »clally of the women of tbe nation, irs doing more harm to our financial nd social position than la any depres- don In trade or other «-onomic causes -British Journal of Inebriety. over 00.«» tons of peanuts ar* "You are ridiculous" abe laugbed. trought to Bordeauz annually from "Any way you can't start to New Zea Africa, and tbe value of the oil mad* land today.” Tom them la $2,000,000. Many French “Unless you go with me,“ said I, amlllea prefer If for table uae to olive By this time tbe engine was going'ill, and It Is much cheaper, too. the, ao rapidly and the racket was so great he price being SB to 82 cents a gallon, that we could not converse I made ireordlng to quality. Nell alt on the engineer's seat and to' ! Good Chinese Ink, better known ax be sure that Bl» did not fall out 1 |—'-* ndla Ink. Improves wttb age. age, and my arm about her waist. | ___ _____ __ for a few years _ I -bould not ___ be used There was ■ roowd of people lined ft,r |t Is made” Some persons? to nto up st tbe first station to see us go by ,|nK |t op> make clrrular movement« and now 1 had no further fear of a hat aoon ruln IL It ls better to ruk collision. The traln (Uspstcber would t jn etrafght linea backward and for- be sure to clear the track. I I saw by rard wlth sllght prowure. tbe gauge that tbe steam was dying Native hlatorlans of Afghanistan ae- out and after we bad paused tbe third ert that tbe tnbabltants of tbelr coun- station tbe engine ' ran per<-eptlbly r are fbe ]o1rt nf [jrael. Ae- 7 alower. It sto|i|>ed dead etili ou ••" tbe , •ordlng to these chroniclers, tbe Af-1 | outskirts of Cberrydale. ' ;bana are deacend«l from Afghans,, I helped Nell from the engine and vbo was tbe eon of a certain Jeromlah. we walked to the station bouse. 1 vho was tbe son of King Saul. The Tbe telegraph operator met us at the aetward removal of tbe seed of Af- eta! of tbe platform He had a con- ;bsna Is attributed to Nebuchadnezzar descending grin on bla face. “It's all right." he said, as be thrust Th« Prive uf a Bor. a yellow envelope In Nell's banda. (John Graham Brook* rstimstea that It I looked over her shoulder and rexd oats about $2.">.i»*> to properly educate • tbe message. 'middle-claei" American boy.) "tome back home and to- married A'hat is the cost ot a good, strong boy, wltb our blessing. All Is forgiven.”— A boy we are proud to see. Chicago Tribune. k youthful prise of Lincoln use Or ■ little Napoleon B.. Tor ■ Henry Clay or a Franklin, say. A QUAKER ROMANCE. Or a Burna or an Andrew Lang? kid Tkl Wool«« or KalheWa« Holll««w- Ind wbat mast we bid for a Chinese W.th a mind like LI Hung Chang? wsrth hr <l«or«v Hoblnwo«. The custom of band playing on mer chant ships originated on tbe German liners, says Shipping Illustrated. Af ternoon concerts were given by Im prov lead bands, genera fly recruited In tbs steward's department, and th« same Haus who spilled saooe on tbe lapel of one's coat at breakfast rould be seen earnestly blowing tbe trom bone, while the band was murdering “lleil, dlr in Hlegeskranz." or a selec tion from “Frlescbutz.” These primi tive musical attempts have progressed like everything else and to-day pro fessional or'-iieetraa are by no means uncommon on passenger steamers Ths most ocnaervative of British lines has been obliged to follow suit, and very anon It will bo es Impossible to eerape from this flood of harmony on tbs brood Atlantic es It Is now to fl nd actual rest, and for a week at least to remsln out of ths resch of Wsll street news Whether this evolu tion of tbs steamship Into s floating hotel, with all ths discomforts of tbs latter, aa well is Its advantages, con stitute a reel Improvement remains as yet to 1» proved. Tbe question may be asked In all aerlouanere whether stearnahlp companies are not now giv ing tbelr patrons more than they really expect for tbelr money, and certain It la tbat there are many—and among tb«M genuine lovers of music—who would prefer tn eat tbelr dinner In peace and silence. It la said that music aa a feature of tho dining room baa become In vogue owing to tbe prevailing dullnesa of the F“«aent age. Conversation la a lost art and nothing better than music could be found to enliven the atmosphere while all are maintaining an awkward si lence. To the few. however, who need the spice of agreeable talk to facili tate digestion, music at tabla la a posi tive nuisance. Tbe man making a trip to banish unpleasant memories from bls mind wlll not take kindly to tbe heartrending notes of “I Paglfacci!" or to Schubert's "Serenade.” The flighty music of Puccini may become perfectly auuorrent to him who baa Just been apprised by wireless of enormous fln- andal losers, while tbe Inexperienced making bls first trip, who may be thinking of “tbe girls he left behind him.” wlll become unnerved when the orchestra unfeelingly reminds him that la donna e mobile. In abort, music should be reetored at sea to wbat It originally was Nothing la better than an open-air concert on the boat-deck of a calm afternonon, but let tbe atmo» phere of tbe dining room at least re main free from all melody eave tbat produced by the soft murmur that rises over an assemblage of well-bred folks gently conversing. ''OQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOaXJOOQOÇ THE PENALTY OF MOLTH. Tbe First Church of Lynn, one of Aalentlne Holllngwworth accompan ¥hat! twenty-five thousand to raise tbf 'tbe oldest organizations In tbe country, ied William Venn In tbwgood ship Wel- has lately celebrated Its one hundred hd? coxne and settled In Delaware u|»n tbe and seventy-fifth anniversary. Accounts Well, that is a blow, for sure! banka of the Brandy-wine, Katherine, f what you name is the price of fame of the services, however Interesting, bls daughter, "a delectable Quaker Our son must remain obscure. _____________ _ of __ so exciting _ a nature contain nothing maiden.” tlie pride of the little eettle- lme wa« when lads, ere they fed on fads fti do of a former celebration. meut,' was wooed and won by big Grew up till we called em great occurrences marking the dedication <o-orge Robinson. Hut George was of And marched corn fed to a nauon ■ b»« . of the ..okl Tunnel Meeting House." For a tenth of the sum you state. by an eTe.witneM tbe Oburoh of England, and Katherine ’•must be married In meeting.” I rather thought that a boy home-tanghi and quoted In “Obadiah Oldpsth’s" “George.” writes the author of "Heir Or schooled In . modest way “L!"" After the formal ceremony of looms In Miniature.” "was willing to f born with brains and for taking pains, dedication a feast was held. | Ye dinner was In ye greate barne of Join the society, tw a Friend and be Might rise in the world «ome day: married In meeting or nnywbero else And I dreamed, in truth, tb«t a collegi jjr Hood. While we were at table ! a rooster flew to ye beam over our that Katherine said. Aroordlngly be youth 1 heads. Mr. Richardson, ye Newbury and Katherine made their first declara I With notbing-a-week or ■light still pull through tion fifth day, first mouth. 1«88.” miu'.sster. In a very loud volse and them do) The elders, however, bad "acruplea." stately mein proclaimed that tho ya | And race fot the goal of »access. seeing that George's conversion was I house was a noble temple It yet was very sudden, and they asked him this niough boys there are who are wort) but a flt casket for ye godly Jewel of searching question: I.ln. Whereupon a most lusty crow the price, “Friend Robinson, dost thou Join the I I think it would wrench my craw was set up by ye old cock on ye beam, Society of Friends from conviction or To pay so dear for a Harry Lehr and be flapped bls wings sending ye for the love of Katherine Hollings And more for a Harry Thaw; dust down onto ye table. if you raise boys cheap that are worth I worth ?” Ye companle burled apples at ye mis heap. George hesitated. He prized the truth behaving fowle. but not being of good Do you wonder the gods feel hurt and he did wish to uvarry Katherine. aim did not hit. and with a whirring ¡Then they educate at a princely rata So he answer«!: noise it flew to ye ground as If in dis The boys that are as cheap as dirt? “1 wish to Join the roclety for tile gust. love of Katherine Hollingsworth." Mr. Gerrtsh was In a merrfe mood. rhen what Is the nse of a boy. say I. The Friends counseled "delay and Not having bls tbots about him be en Brought up at the price of Brook,? that Friend Robinson should be l*r- “an you give him mind ot a better kind deavored ye dangerous performance of suaslvely and Instructively dealt with.” In your costly ecole de luxe? gaping and laughing at ye same »lme. Shrewd men as they were, thwy allow«l And if not. say I. 1 can ntise my eon In doln* so he set his Jaws open tn Katherine to deal with him, ami witb- I On a rational, frugal plan such a wise that It was beyond bls In a year George Joined tbe society as ■There he'll get the brot nnd can «tant power to bring them back again. Hls I the test a true convert. agonle was very greate and hls Joyful ' When be grows to the sise of a man. An old nninuserlpt roads: "He and laugh was soon turned to grievous —Wallace Irwin, in Life. Katherine were jiermltted to begin a groaning. long and happy married life toge.'ber, Fresh Sheets ■< rremlam. We did our utmost to stay the an being for many years an example of The woman who had Just returned guish of Mr. Gerrlsh. but could make piety and g«>dness to those around .’rotti abroad. where she had vlsltef out but little till Mr. Rogers, who them and retaining tbelr love of truth tome country towns, was telling of th« knoweth something of anatomic, did and loyalty to the society to the last." ■omforts and discomforts of the Euro bid ye sufferer to sit down on ye floor, pean country hotel. ’’They hare ar and taking hls head between hls legs, The l.aat ate«. aversion to putting fresh sheets on th< turning ye face upward as. much as When we roach the higher studies of Mais for every new guest.” »he said possible, gave a powerful blow and foreign languages we are told to seek •and we always pulled down the bed sudden press which brought ye Jaws diligently to learn to think In the alien But Mr. rlothes the minute we were assigned again Into working order. tongue, as well as to road Hnd write It. jut rooms to examine the sheets. Tet Gerrlsh did not gape nor laugh much That Is. we uro expected to catch the chances to one they were wrinkled and more, neither did he Ulk much, for meaning of the strange words without bad that ’slept In’ appearance, aud wt that matter. any conni'ctlon with English or English Invariably Insisted on fresh one» S|i«'eh. Rather Indtaesllht«. Finally we struck a series of towni Front this one may rome to appreci An Irishman was recently showing a where the hotel proprietors got th< ate the exiwrlence of a certain Porto beat of us. for the atirotlng they use* friend an ash receiver be bad bought Rican negro. He was naked, not very was a aort of creepy stuff, somethlni at a church fair. long after hls arrival In the I’nltwl “An' phafs It made av, Billy F asked Ike seersucker, and for the life of yot Stat««. If English was very difficult for rou couldn’t tell whether they’d beer the other. him. ilept on or not.”—New York Press- "Shure. It's lava. Dan.” said Billy. “Oh. no." lie said. "I learn her ver’ “An- phat's lava. Billy F quick.” Utah l.lvlae. It's “Why. Dan, don't ye know? "So you rould understand It and An eminent man. who is a strict sb phat th' Lord fed th' Israelites on whin talk It?" Stainer from both wine and anima they wor forty years ?n th' desert"— "Oh. yes. ver’ good. But I have one food. Is obliged In consequence of this Judge. ____ ________________ trouble ver’ long time. I apeak good, peculiarity, to refrain from dining out an’ I hear good, but cannot dream In lataattl« CM«H«a Broth. He entertains, however, an occasions English. I alway dream in Spanish. Customer—What on earth la this kindred spirit. One such was recentl; An’ I frol ver’ bad, an’ I try so hard broth made of. waiter? Surely It lsu't at his table, to dream English. An' one night I do. “You ought to have seen them." salt chicken broth? I dream English when I am asleep, an’ Walter—Well, sir. It's chicken broth the eminent man's son, "rioting ovo I wake an’ I cry. an’ I weep for joy. In Its hlnfancy. It's made out of ths boiled carrots I- I am happy. I can now dream in Eng water that the heggs are boiled In. Matrlaosr’l Small < haa««. lish." ftetveslimvats for th« Campaay. In olden times It took a broken ■lx A Ckaae«. Tommy—Ma. may I play tpatom Racon—I see the possibility of one pence to plight tbe troth of two font person's linger tip being Identical with hearts In proper style. These days It’i b’lleve I'm entertainin’ another little that of another one Is one chance In the lover who Is broke. Rut he Is mud boy? •be same old sixpence.—Puck. Mother—Certainly, deer. B4.000,<W,(X10. Tommy—All right: gimme some cabs Egbert— Well, that's one of tho r«r«ir cximi , chancM I'm willing to take.—Yonkers Knlcker—Do you consider poker I for him, then.—Philadelphia Frees Wnlter Wellman, nfter nu unsuccess ful attempt In liasl. nnd ngnln In 1U07, to get atiirted for the north |xde In an air ship, bus hnd to ¡iost|Mine his trip for another twelve months. This year he hnd the balloott towi-d for an hour through ttmeerenberg Round, Spltllwr ten; then It was east loose from the •teninshlp nnd started north under Its own power. It em-ountered a heavy snowstorm almost nt ones, and Ita steering gear refused to work A north west wind drove It on n glacier, where It was later plvked up mid towed lutck to Ila atornge house No »(«-ruble bnl father. I ihmi , even under the most favorable The Force ef Habit. But we pretended not to hear them. cundltlona, hna rnnde n voyage any- “Do I snore?" said ths fat commer We went to the lixvmotlve ami lns|n*et- where near so long ns that contení- cial drummer. I should say so. That's «1 Its drivers and cylinders, and at last plat«! by Mr. Wellman In the arctic why 1 can't use an alarm clock. I I helped Nell Into the cab. sold. can’t hear ’em. My snore drowns the Hhe look«*d at the quivering monster boat of 'em. And. a|>enkltig of the force w ith little exclamations of delight nnd Many scientists have averred that of habit ! put up once nt a crowd«! ■inasemant they could see canals, some of them country hotel where I had to double "I'm going to make It whistle," she parallel, on the planet Mare, canals up with an acquaintance. I told him I rrled. daringly as she climbed upon the geometrically so correct that they anorod a few, but ho didn't mind, he cnglnror's seat. "If they arrest us and could not Is* the work of nature, but I anld, because lilts wife was a star In ■ nd send us to Jnil. then you can't go must have been constructed by Intelli that line, mid lie had a "system* to beat away." gent liefnga Other scientists denied It. She aelt«l hold of a lever and gave that this was so. They could sei» no “’I’ll Just tap you on the shoulder It a Jerk. Instead of whistling the •anal» <>n Mars, and explained tlie fact every time you begin to snore,' he ex engine «>ugh«l. that some persona thought they saw plained. That’ll atop you without Mix1 InuglHMl like n pleas«! child. them by saying flint the vision was an waking you. and after a little I'll drop "Why, It's moving." she erl«l. optical illusion. These skeptical scien off tnyself.’ So It was. I saw the engineer ni'i- tists so far ontmunliered and ontvoloxl "It worked like a charm. I felt his nlng from tbe restaurant door and those who said they did m that acl- taps for a time, but finally off I went wildly waving hla arms. I miw her ence generally haa of late years held on a dream of $10.000 salary and 10 father shouting and running across the opinion that belief In llm existence per cent commission. Well. air. when tho tracks towards us. and I looked nt of canals was a mlntnke. But now I awoke In the morning there whs that him and smiled. There was no use In roniM I’rof. Todd of Amherst College, chap tapping away at my shoulder reg hls becoming so exclmi. who has been observing Mars from tho ular aa chs-kwork.and he sound asleep. “O, I can't atop It." cried Nell, In mountains of Chile, bringing wllb him Been at It all night, don't you see? dismay. 1 looke«1 nt her and saw that more than. 7.00*» photographs of the Force of habit." J she was pulling and pushing nt all the ■tar. Every one of tlieae photographs And ho beamed Indulgently on the Jet ers and knobs within reach. Pros ■hows plainly and unmlataknbly all silent party.—New York Globe. ently she struck the whistling nnpn- tlie canala. single shd double. Just aa rat us, nnd ttw engine gave two short, observers said they existed. Thia evi A TnrAr t'emmendatlnw. sharp whistles, the starting signal, dence does away with all Incredulity, "Nero flildl«! while Home burned!” We ran off the sidetrack ou to tlie for the camera does not have optical exclaimed tlie student. main line and the switch engine was llhiatons. It pictures things as they are, “Well,” replied Mr. Orowcher, "that's picking up s|>eed amaxlngly. Nell was and Its representation of the canals la better than the custom many violinists aboat to lenp out, when I caught her absolute proof that they are there. The have of practicing at a time when ev ■nd held her. body of the planet la covered with ca erything la nice and quiet otherwise.” "It Is too late for that.- I neid, as nals, ranging from the polar seas ev —Washington Star. I pressed her In my arms. Rhe clung erywhere, In such peculiarly regular to me In fright, As I looked back to- lines It Is Impossible that naturs could I.osteal DeSnetlea. ward the station I saw that her father havs caused them. Hereafter few per Cooklady (approaching master gf was shaking hla flat sons wlll be dlapoeed to deny that In the houee, anxiously)—Could ye be "Don’t you know bow to stop IL telligent life exists on Mars and that after tellln’ me the time o' day. Hhure men there live much the same sort of all the clocks In the houee la different WI1IF she anbbml. “No. Indeed. But don't bs fright- life as earth dwellers. They may Dot except one. Master of the House— bear much resemblance to earthly hu That one la right, Bridget—Tbe Circle. aned. They wlll telegraph ahead and clear the track for ns. and It will stop Statesman. game of chance? Bocker — Purely man beings, for conditions there differ The trouble with fools— and we are when the steam dlM down." greatly from thnee on tbs earth, but Until they coma, moat any man will Sometimes my wWs finds It out. am quite numerous- Is tbat wo refuse to "Isn't It dreadful?" she exclaimed. then again aha doesn't — Harper's Be tell you how he would get tho upper tbat they possess Intelligence Is now learn valuable leeaona that are as plala I almost certain. Of bow many ethsr of ""'•Ass aad mother will think wa are hand of burglars* ■ar. aa tbe sues oa a man's face. "If It wasn’t for ons thing Tomp kins would bs tbe most suceesful liar "Hbe hasn't any friends to apeak ot "No? Then «bat are they forF- Puck. I ever met." "And that?" “No one ever believes hla lisa."— Milwaukee Beu- tlnsl. “I wlll pay your debts to-day, but it la positively for tbe lest tiros!" "Oh. deer undo, then welt st least until to morrow !"— Fdlegeode Blaetter. “Out of ■ Job?” “Yea—sod they put s woman In my placs." "Gea! Well. I’ll tell you—why don’t you marry the woman T— Cleveland Plain Dealer. Hhe—! board about the elopement. Has ber mother forgiven them? He— 1 think not I understand she has gone to live with them.—Illustrated Bits. “Did you ever bite a Boston girl?” "No, I am afrsld to go near them.” re plied the second mosquito. "I’ve besrd they are very cold-blooded."—Huustoti Poet “My bride wanted to go on ■ week's wedding tour, and I wanted to stay at borne. Well, we compromised by going on a tour around ths world I"—Meggeu- dorfer Blaetter. Clara—Aa Ethel married tn haste. I supposed aba repented at leisure? Maude—No; she repented st ■ cheap boarding bouse. I understand.--Clil- cago Dslly News. “I bars coms all tbe way out here," Mid ths tenderfoot, “to are your beau- tlful sunset.” “ So me body’s been string- tn’ you. stranger,” replied Arlaona AL "It ain't mine.”—Chicago Record Her- aid. Weary Walker—De world’s all wrong. Tired Tattere—Wot’a eatln' youae now? Weary Walker—Ef I'd a had de mskln* uv It I’d made all de ninniti’ down hill.—Chicago roads News Mrs. Tourist—I’m afrsld that the monkey wouldn’t please my husband. Vendor—But madaroe will find it easi er to find another husband than to get a monkey like that for three piastres! —Le Rlre. “What shall I read you first?” ’The marriages.” "Here is an article about some boys who were found playing with dynamite.” ”WelL read IL It pos sesses the same elements of Interest."— Houston Post “What," queried the young man. "Is tbe difference between white 11 m aud black U m ?” "White Ilea,” answered tbe home-grown philosopher, "are the kind we tell; black 11 m are the kind we heir."—Chicago News. “Yea,” said tbe Bummer GlrL “it's all off. I sent everything back to him yesterday." “Not the ring?" asked tier friend. “No. he said I could keep tbat If I'd send him the hammock I caught him In."—Yonkers Statesman. Mistress—Did you remember to fe«l tbe cat every day during my absence? Servant—Every day but one, ma'am. Mistress—And didn’t tbe poor thing have anything to eat all day? Serv ant—Oh. yes. ma'am. She ate the ca nary.—Chicago Dally News. First Stranger—Excuse me, but yon are a physician. I believe? Seiond Stranger—You are mistaken, sir. First Stranger—But I overheard you say you followed tbe medical profession. Sec ond Stranger—And so I do. I'm an un dertaker.—Chicago Dally News. Mra Subbnbs—How long were you In your last place? Bridget O'Shaunnessy —T ree months, ma'am. Mrs. Subbube —Is It possible? Bridget O'Shaunnetwy —Yls. ma'am, but It wasn't me fault. Oi bad de smallpox an' de bouse was quarantined.—Philadelphia Record. “An artist,” said the man with point- id whiskers, “must not think about money.” “I suppose not," answered Mr. Cumrox. “Every time I buy a pic ture tbe artist wants enough to keep him from thinking about ntotiey for the rost of bls life."—Washington Star. Yeagt—It is difficult to tell the wait ers from gentlemen diners at fashion able restaurants now. Crimsonbeak— Well. If you happened to search 'em when they went out you could tell tbe difference, The waiters have all the money In their clothes. — Yonkers Statesman. Mr. Jagway (at a late hour, groping hla way toward the foot of the stairs) _ There’s just twice as many chairs In this hallway as there ought t' be. My ayM might fool me on that prop'al- tlon, o’ course, but when I stuinbla •gainst 'em. by George. I know they rs there!—Chicago Tribune. Tbe millionaire from Pittsburg was observed to be loitering outside of the pearly gates. “Why don't you burry up and knock?" queried a shade. "I'm waiting for that other chap to get ahead of me.” whispered the Pittsburg millionaire. “And who Is he?” "Why. a grafter from San Francisco. By the side of him I wlll seem as Innocent aa a lamb."—Chicago News Farmer Pasterlot (discussing liter ature with the new boarder)—Tber* wuz one book thet my eon Bill thought a heap of. when be wuz t’ hum all about ewattin' and biffin' an' blood. “One of those swashbuckler romain-ea. I presume. Do you recall where the scene was laid?” "Well. I took it t’ ba a Jersey story, from th' name of IL Twux called The Three Muskeeters.'" —Puck. le the Betlie Rorel. “Are you an active candidate for the presidential nomination?' "Certainly not,” answered the saga cious statesman. "In fact, that Is ex actly wbat I am trying to avoid. An active candidate for tbe nomination Is as a rule merely tbe one who invitee attention as a formidable rival and gets put out of the game early!"—Washing ton Star. You may think you live la a good country, but the real estate ageut la tbe true optila'-*