; A HANDSOME TIP,
.Visit of an American Girl to an
English Ancestral Home.
By DOROTHEA HALE.
ICopyriglit, 1910. by American I'ress Asso
ciation. J
Miss Mildred Van Tromp. nn Amer
ican mill: iuii lilonairess iu London, car
t'd nothing for marrying u title, but
she did care for the castles of old Eny;
2:10(1. Miss Van Trump's cousin. Miss
Adele Sherman, was with her.
One morning the two tourists took a
traiu at n London railway statlou, in
tending to visit Hallowen castle, the
residence of the Duke of KlUston. Ou
the Journey they chatted about the
castle they were going to see, refer
ring occasionally to their guidebook.
A gentleman In the same compartment
sitting opposite them, who had been
burled iu his paper, spoke up:
"If you ladies are going to visit Ilal
lowen castle I fear you will be dis
appointed. It will not be open today
to visitors."
The girls looked much crestfallen.
The gentleman continued:
"The castle is only shown during the
duke's absence. He returns today."
Miss Sherman, who usually acted as
spokesman, thauked the gentleman for
his information and asked If there was
1
' "HOW MUCH WOULD BB TAKS FOB IT?"
any one in service at the castle who
for a handsome tip would make an
exception in their case. To this be
'replied:
i "I am going to the castle myself and
shall see the duke. 1 think it probable
that I can secure his permission to
show you through his ancestral abode.
If you will be there" -he took out his
.watch "at say, 2 o'clock I will let you
tnow what Lean do for you. Ask for
Mr. Comyns."
The ladies thanked the man for his
courtesy and when the train reached
,the station went to an inn, where they
partook of a luncheon, then strolled
,np to the castle. They were stopped
at the postern by a lackey, but on
mentioning the name of Comyns tbey
iwere conducted to a reception room In
the living apartments of the castle.
'After a wait of ten minutes Mr. .Co
myns entered and said that be bad ob
tained the necessary permission.
Mr. Comyns was between thirty and
thirty-five years old. It was seldom
that he smiled, but when be did his
face changed from the serious to the
senlal. He was apparently a gentle
man, but there are many grades of
gentlemen in England, and the girls
could not make out to which grade he
oelonged. They fancied that be might
attend to some business for the duke
r,wni his solicitor or was there to
cell him something. One point trou
bled them from the firstthey feared
he might not be so respectable,
though be had avoided the subject of
Ops, as to decline a crown or two If
offered to him. They bad often re
ceived favors or what they supposed
were favors from men just as genteel
looking whose palm they bad crossed.
Miss Van Tromp determined to watch
his English. If be were not a gentle
man he would surely make a blunder,
perhaps in ao unguarded moment iJrop
an "h."
All this they talked and thought over
While waiting. Mr. Comyns led them
out Into the courtyard and thence to
one of the towers. He began In that
clear, well modulated voice with which
the two !rls had heard the gentle
manly guides In Westminster abbey
t-how that old pile for the modest sum
of sixpence. This confirmed their opin
ion that he would expect a tip. He
tpoke fluently and as if he had often
before reeled off the identical words.
"Tills tower," be said, was built in
the reljrn of William II. and is, of
course. Norman. The upper part was
put on later and is Gothic. A breach
was made here where you see a differ
ence in the stonework by the Hound
beads during the close of the war by
which Charles I. lost bis rascally
bead."
Surprised at this. Miss Van Tromp
asktd:
"Does the duke consider King
Charles I. rascally?"
"It doesn't matter to me what the
duke thinks. Everybody knows that
Charles I. was treacherous, mean, on
true to his friends and altogether un
worthy of sovereignty."
"Does your British ootdlty usually
take that ground?" asked Miss Sher
man. "1 don't know. The opinions of most
of them are worth uotbliiK anyway."
The plrls were puzzled. How dare
this man within the ancestral home of
one of the British aristocrats speak so
disrespectfully of them? Presently
tlielr guide led them into the gallery
of family portraits.
"That old fellow up there was the
Earl of Habersham and became the
first Duke of Elllston. He got rich by
robbery and was made a duke for stab
bing in the back a man the king wish
ed put out of the way."
The girls looked at each other, aston
ished at this frankness with regard to
the present duke's ancestors.
"That red faced man," continued Mr.
Comyns. "was the first duke's brother.
He was a pirate."
"A pirate:" exclaimed both the girls
at once.
"Certainly. That was once consider
ed a very respectable calling. That
one with scars on his face was a rob
ber. He kept np this place by descend
ing Into the valley, looting travelers
and returning with bis booty."
"Were all the duke's ancestors bad?"
asked Miss Van Tromp. t
"Most of them. know all about
the family. Scarcely a good one In it"
"But the present duke Is a fine man.
I am told."
"I should like to know In what way.
ne sits In the house of lords a useless
Institution with his hat down over his
eyes, most of the time asleep: When
he Is here he Is bored to death. When
I told him that two American girls
wished to see his castle he proposed
to show you about himself, just to
have something to do. I told him It
was my job and lie shouldn't take it
away from me."
There was more wonder In the faces
of the young women, and the lat
words decided them that they must
offer a tip.
"The castle is a dilapidated old
place." continued the guide, "not
worth preserving. 1 think the duke
would like to sell it to some of your
American millionaires."
"How could he bear to part with
that which has descended to him
through centuries?"
"He likes London pretty well. With
the money he could get for this rattle
trap place he could enjoy himself very
well in London."
"How much would he take for it?"
"Oh. a matter of 100,000."
"Please tell him that I'll give him
that for it."
It was now, Mr. Comyns' turn Jo
look surprised.' He made no reply at
first, then said:
"From whom shall I tell him the
offer comes?"
Miss Van Tromp took out a card
wrote her London address on it and
handed it to Mr. Comyns. They had
by this time gone the rounds and were
at the postern. And now the terrible
question of the tip came up. Miss
Van Tromp decided that she would
give one so large that even should their
guide be a gentleman he might not
feel Insuked. She put five sovereigns
Into his hand. He took them nnwili
Ingly and thrust them into his pocket.
-Two days later an invitation came
from the dowager Duchess of Hal
lowen to Miss Van Tromp and Miss
Sherman to dine with her at her Lon
don residence. The invitation closed
with these words. "You can then talk
over he sale of Ilallowen castle with
my son, the dnke.
Miss Van Tromp, whose income for
one year was more than the price- she
had offered for the property, was not
at all frightened. At first she thought
she would adhere to her resolution not
to mingle with the English nobility
and decline the Invitation, but Miss
Sherman persuaded her to accent'
They wf re to sail for America the next
week, and Miss Van Tromp was not
averse to dining with a duchess so
long as it could be done without the
preliminary presentation at court.
On the evening appointed tbey drove
to the dukes borne. They were re
ceived by the dowager duchess, a
pleasant old lady, and after a time
who should enter the room but Mr.
Comyns In evening dress. He advanc
ed, smiling, to welcome the guests.
"My son." said the duchess.
"A younger son?" asked Miss Van
Tromp.
"No: I'm Ralph Comyns and Duke of
Elllston." said the gentleman. "As 1
told you. I'm a bored man when at
Hallowen. and I passed n delightful
hour In showing you my pile. But' I
shall not hold you to the offer, and
here," taking five sovereigns from his
vest pocket. "Is the fee you gave me.
I really don't think I should have ac
cepted It."
There was a twinkle In his eye as he
poke.
'I am ready to give you a check for
the castle." said Miss Van Tromp. a
trifle ruffled at having been deceived.
"That's just like you Americans." re
plied the duke, smiling. "There's noth
ing so old. so new. so valuable or so
worthless but that you are ready to
buy It."
"I inisht hold you by law to the bar
gain. I can prove by my cousin. Miss
Sherman, who was present, that you
offered the property for a specified
sum and I accepted the offer."
"I should rather be bound by It than
go to law with such a charming oppo
nent." replied the duke gallantly.
There was nothing more said about
the sale, and after Miss Van Tromp
had recovered from her chagrin at hav
ing tipped a duke the dinner proved a
very enjoyable one. Miss Van Tromp
and her cousin did not sail on the
steamer on which they had engaged
passage. Indeed, they remained In
London for some time. Miss Van
Tromp fell Into the same matrimonial
conditions as most American heiresses
abroad. She married the Duke of Hal-1
lowen.
The Benedick's "America."
Nevada, 'tis of thee,
Sweet state of liberty.
Of thee I sing!
Btate where our fathers flee,
State that lets mothers free
Marriage, because of thee.
Hath lost us sting.
Jty state, which holds the key
That sets the shacKled free,
1 lovo thy name.
I love thy. lawyers' ways.
Thy dazzling divorcers,
The briefness of their stays,
Their little game.
. ( -
Reno, it Is to thee,
Daughter of liberty.
To thee we Hee.
Long may thy streets resound
With freedom's joyful sound
Scatter thy light around
From sea to sea!
New York Times.
Whnt Everybody Wants.
Everybody desires good health which
is impossible unlets the kidneys are
sound arid healthy, Foley's Kidney
Remedy should be taken at the first in
dication of anv Ineiiiilar ily, and a se
rious illness niav be averted." Foley. 8
Kidney Remedy will restore your kid
(leys and bladder to their normal state
and activity. All druggists.
Gone, but Not Forgotten.
The portly old gentleman had Just
finished a sumptuous feast. Lighting
a huge Havana, he arose to go!
"Haven't you forgotten something?"
began the waiter in an insinuating
manner.
"Why, so I have."' was the reply. "I
declare - my memory becomes more
treacherous every day!"
Lifting the ash tray, he pocketed the
dollar hill lying beneath it and calmly
strode out past the crestfallen knight
of the tray. Judge's Library.
The Funeral Trust.
(An alleged "funeral trust" is the latest
sensation In Cincinnati. News.)
Oh, thlo is a merry footstool
Where wo linger day by day!
And the things that daily happen
Mane us want to always stay.
How we love the trusts and mergers
Raising oil and bread and beef!
How we love the ones who promise
They will soon bring us relief!
We had hoped some time to shuffle
Off this choking mortal coil
And be freed from slow starvation
And be tread from dally toll,
But the undertakers' merger
Knocks our fondest hopes sky high.
For we'll find when comes the challenge
It will cost too much to die.
Boston Herald
By the Card.
"Will Brother Jones kindly lead?"
was asked by the pastor at the begin
ning of the prayer service.
Waking with a start at the mention
of his name, the 'deacon almost broke
up the service by replying: "I led last
time. It's your turn. What's trumps?"
Philadelphia Record.
The New Romance.
Kiss me, but do not nruss my hair,
Nor be so much In haste
Tour arm my frock, if touched, will
tear!
To put about my waist.
Love me, but wisely. Tears and sighs
I loathe and fear to see
A tortured brow and Jealous eyes
Bent angrily on me.
And I'll give you a love discreet.
For passion uncontrolled
With pallor, wrinkles and crow's feet
Turns pretty women old.
-Life.
Juet So.
She sidled up to the counter like a
rain cloud with white splashes where
her big. eyes rolled from side to side.
"Is yer gut dat air hymn song dey
calls 'Jes' as Yo' Is?"
"You mean 'Just as I Am ?"'
"Dat's it-'Jes as Yo" Is.' "-New
York American.
Automobilecourtehipology.
"Come." said Otto, "let us auto!"
"No," said she; "we hadn't ought to."
"But I've got the auto bought to.
It's too late," said he. "You've got to!"
"Well, you ought first to. have sought to
wave me say that I would auto.
Now, although your auto's bought to,
I'll not auto with you. Otto!"
.. Los Angeles Times,
DOING THEIR DUTY
Score of Ileppiier Reader ure
Learning: the Duty of (be
Kidneys.
To filter the blood Is the kidneys'
dutv.
When tbey fail to do this the kidneys
are Bick.
Backache and many kidney ills fol
low. Urinary trouble, diabetes.
Doan's Kidney Pilis cure them ail.
-Heppner people endorse our claim.
Mrs. Mary A. Thomas, Jof 'Heppner,
Oregon, says: "I can speak just so
highly of Doan's Kidnev Pills at this
time as I did when I publicly endorsed
them several years ago. Off and on for
vears my kidneys troubled me and I
had considerable backache. I experi
mented with remedies of various kinds
and Doan's Kidney Pills gave me the
greatest relief. Iam ceitain that any
one afflicted with kidney complaint will
be benefitted by the use of Doan's Kid
ney Pills."
Fcr sale by all dealers. Prfce 50
cents. Foste'-Milbnrn Co., Buffalo,
New York, sole agents for the United
States.
Remember the name Doan's and
take no other.
M. PHELPS
The
rocer
The Right Place to Trade
DAMES AND DAUGHTERS.
In
No Stranger to Them.
"Did you ever hear of . snakes
winter?"
'To be sure." replied the Blllville
matron. "My old man sees tbem the
year round. They re a regular per
formin' circus to him."' Atlanta Con
stitution.
Town Topics.
When his sister discovered young Thos.
Arrayed In his parent's pajos.
And cried In dismay,
"Oh. what will father say?"
He replied: "Not a word. These are mos."
Puck.
A Conscientious Declaration.
Drummer Will you be mine? All
my life I will worship you from Feb
ruary until April and from August un
til December. The rest of the time I
am on the road. Spokane Spokesman-
Review.
If He'd Only Die.
"Deadbeat" we call the scurvy wight
Who cheats us. 'Twould be great
If he were really dead; we might
Collect from his estate.
Catholic Standard and Times.
Making Him Useful.
"Ask your congressman for any free
seeds?"
"Xaw. but I've wri'ten him to find
me two or three good summer board
ers." Louisville Courier Journal.
. One Case.
"Two's company, three's a crowd"
That's a saying I've oft n heard.
Tet even three might be allowed
If Cupid is the third.
Cleveland Leader.
Hannah IIiiHI. a fifteeu-year-old
girl of Yorkshire. England, has receiv
ed a medal for her bravery iu saving
her mother from nu infuriated bull by
prodding the animal with a pitchfork.
Mme. Novikolf. who has been called
the "M. V. for Hussia." is fatuous the
world over for her political articles.
It is her custom to live six months In
the year in England and six months in
Russia.
The first woman to preach in Hun
gary is Julia Vnrgha, whose sermons
are reported most favorably iu the
Budapest papers. She is the daughter
of a bishop, and her sermons are de
livered in Ivlausenburg.
Mrs. Mary Emery, widow of a mil
lionaire realty dealer of Cincinnati,
has purchased a two acre tract of laud
in that city to be made into a park
solely for birds. Mrs. Emery intends
to spend $250,000 on the little park If
necessary.
Mrs. Taft. wife of the president, is a
full fledged baseball "fan." She Is as
enthusiastic about the national game
as Is her husband. She knows the
game thoroughly, it is reported, and
can discuss its tine points with almost
the ease of a professional.
Mrs. A. D. Winship of Racine, Wis.,
is the oldest "freshman" in the Unit
ed States. She is seveuty-nine years
old, has taken up a course in psycholo
gy and literature at the Ohio State uni
versity and plans a course that will
keep her intellectually busy for some
years.
Fly Catches.
When Connie Mack let Jimmy Walsh
get away from him be lost a live one.
This lad Is knocking the boards off the
fence at Baltimore.
On July 25, 1800, Harry Davis played
first base for. Pittsburg against the
Giants. He's the Harry Davis who Is
still playing with the Athletics.
Bob Gllks, who Is one of the best
scouts in the business and one of the
best Judges of ball players, says that
half of the success of Ty Cobb Is due
to his nerve and confidence in himself.
Daubert, Brooklyn's new first base
man is tone of the numerous crop of
left banded men who are now taking
Jobs on first. He is not a Hal Chase
in speed, but is a wonder on long foul
flies and a whale of a batter.
No professional player wears a mus
tache now. It's an unwritten rule of
the profession to play the same with
out either beard pr mustache. Out
fielder Titus of the Phillies was the
last National league player to discard
his mustache. lie bad it removed two
years ago.
OFFICERS
VV. O. MINOR, President
J. H. Mc HALEY, Vice-President
W.S. WHARTON, Cashier
VAVVTER CRAWFORD, AsBt. Cashier
DIRECTORS
W. O. MINOR
H. McHALEY
W.G.SCOTT
C. E. WOODSON
W. S. WHARTON
Bank of Heppner
Capital, I Fully Paid. - $50 000 00
Undivided Profits - -j 2259 33
Four Per cent Interest paik on Time and Savings! Deposits
Your. Banking Solicited
The Pastime
Finest Line of High Grade Cigars in City
Candies, Nuts, Soft DrinKs
Billiards and Pool
F. E. WESTERBERO, Prop
P0L0CE HOTEI,
HEPPNER, OREGON
Leading Eastern Oregon Hot,.
MODERN CONVENIENCES
ELECTRIC LIGHTED . . .
Coder New Management. Thoroughly
Renovated and Refhtted. Best
Meals in the City.
MADDOCH CO. Props.
Excursion Rates to the East
During 1910 From all Points on
The Oregon Railroad?&
Navigation Company
TO HATES
Chicago $72.50
Council Bluffs
Omaha ...
Kansas City.. 60.00-"
St. Joseph
St. Paul
St. Paul, via Council Bluffs.. 63.00
Minneapolis direct 60.00
Minneapolis, v Council Bluffs 63.90
Duluth direct 66.90
Duluth, via Council Bluffs... 67.50
Interesting.
"Do you enjoy going to banquets?"
"Well, I can't say that I enjoy thera
particularly, but they are always In
terest Ins."
Always?"
"Yes. Tumor prot tired noticing how
well tlio old stories so if tiiey are clev
erly told." Chicago Ileeni-d-ilerald.
Tickets will be on sale May 2nd and 9th; June 2nd, 17th
and24:th; July 5th and 22nd; August 3rd; Septembers
Ten days provided for the going trip. Stop
overs within limits in either direction. Final
return limit three months from date of sale,
but not later than October 31st. One way
through California $15.00 additional
Inquire any O. It. & N. Agt. for more complete information
WM. McMUKRAY, General Passenger Agent
Portland, Oregon.
During the Spanking.
"M-m-maninia. y you'd tetter stop.
I'm mnldn' s-s-so much n-noise you
c-coukln't hoar the t-f-telephone If It
was to ring." Harper's Monthly.
Chums.
Bald the boy, "I wonder whether
Vou and 1 could have loma fun."
Eo they both went off together
The boy and the loaded irun.
Lippineott'a.
An Eaty Angel.
"Any good thing In the new mnslcat
show?"
"Yes; the backer was a 'good
thing.' "Kansas City Times.
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1 liUJLD
J. MAN FOO
Chinese Root and Herb Doctor.
He is an experienced compounder of
Chinese Medicine. He treats euccess-
fnlly all private, nervous and chronic
dieeapes, also blood, stomach, heart,
lung, liver, kidney, female weakness,
catarrh and all diseases of the body bv
the ue of roots and herbs, especially (
prepared for each case. If you eaot
call at his otfice, write for home treat
ment. Consultation free. J. Man F(o,
successor to Hong Wo Tong Chinese
Medicine C 117 W. Second St., Al
bany, Oregon.
STAR HOTEL
The Heppner Gaiette the newa of Mor
row County; The Weekly Orfonian tb
newa and thought ef the world. Both at
a special price. Inquire or addreaa Tfce
Oasette. Heppner, Or.
A raeornlxea autnorltyThe Weekly
Oracomiaua.
For newa and opinion Uia Crefonua.
JF.FF MEEL. Proprietor
t popular
Everything neat and clean
prices.
First-class Kestanrant in connection
Cor cer Chase acd May Sts.. Herder