Prisoners
By H. S.
CIIAPTKR XIV. (Continued.) Salter had always endeavored through life
"If," he said presently, "you were my to adapt himself ungrudgingly to circum
ister, or if 1 were fortunate enough to stances, and he succeeded fairly well in
possess a right to comment upon your
actions, I should be strongly tempted to
throw cold water upon your charity."
"Of course you would," she replied.
"Nine men out of ten would do the
ume."
"I hope so."
"I am sure of it, Mr. Tyars, and,
moreover, I do not defend myself. It is
very difficult to find a channel for char
itable motives to run in. At any rate, I
do no harm to these old men."
"I have no doubt you do them a great
deal of good," he said, rather bluntly :
"but you are hardly the person to do it.
This is not the place for a lady to wan
der about in alone. Wait twenty years."
She laughed, and stepped aside to hold
out her arms in expostulation.
"I'm not a girl," she said; "and look
at me. A thick veil and a clumsy old
ulster without a waist to it. I think, in
deed, it is foolish of me to ask you to
look."
He did look, gravely, from the top of
her simple hat to the toes of her small
boots peeping out beneath the ulster.
"It is no use," he said, "you c::nnot dis
guise yourself. No woman." he added,
"with your advantages can."
He was quite right. Plainness is easi r
to conceal than beauty. There is nothing
more difficult to hide than a pretty face
and a eraceful fisure. They walked on
again.
"If," she said, "we waited for men to
tell us what we can do and what we
cannot, a great deal of good would remain
undone."
He would not argue ; and his silence
softened her humor, for it betrayed a
determination to interfere no further.
"It is not," she said, continuing her
defense with womanlike persistence, "as
if I dragged other people into it. I do
not, for instance, bring Helen here."
As she said this she glanced up at him.
"So," he answered, calmly, returning
her gaze.
They were now at the dock gates, and
the constable on duty touched the brim
of his helmet in double recognition.
"May I call a hansom?" inquired Ty
ars. "Thank you," she said. "There is one
coming."
While waiting for the cab she spoke
again.
"I feel," she said, lightly, "like a run
away school girl. Will you please tell no
tales out of school?"
"You can trust me, Miss Winter," he
said, as he helped her into the cab, "to
hold my tongue. It is one of the few ac
complishments I possess."
. CHAPTER XV.
Claud Tyars had taken up his abode
In a residential club in London. This
change had been dictated by motives of
economy. He said that he found cham
bers in the Albany too expensive for a
man who was seldom in London. No one
to whom he made this statement was
postei as to the extent of his income,
and the excuse passed readily enough.
He was certainly freer in his new
quarters free to come and go when the
pirit moved him, and to some extent he
took advantage of his newly established
liberty. His absences were frequent, but
he was seldom away from London for
more than a night or two. He frequently
ran down to Glasgow, and once to Peter
head, where he spent two nights.
One morning in early December he was
partaking of a very hearty breakfast at
the Wanderers' Club, where he had tem
porarily taken rooms, when Matthew
Mark Easton was shown in. The Ameri
can was also a member of this club, which
was, singularly enough, composed of mem
bers of some university or another, duly
qualified by the power and means to sat-
isfy the cravings of a roaming spirit.
Without a word he threw down upjn
the breakfast table a letter, of which the
envelope had been torn. Tyars was quite
equal to the American in quickness of
thought. Preserving the same stoic si
lence, he tossed across the table another
envelope Identical in every way, and ad
dressed by the same hand. Then he con
tinued his breakfast. Easton spoke the
two words :
"Wednesday week."
"Yes; Wednesday week."
"The night," said Easton, "that we
fixed for Guy Fawkes."
"Yes. We must have the meeting on
Tuesday night. We must go to this."
Tyars laid his hand on the lettei. The
American's quick little eyes were danc
ing over his whole person, even to the
tips of the quiescent brown fingers.
"Must we?" he inquired.
Tyars looked up sharply.
"I do not believe," he said, "that you
appreciate the importance of Oswin
Grace."
"Good sailor man !" answered the
American, "but too many women folk.
They will give us trouble."
"Grace is worth It. He Is something
more than a good sailor. I cannot de
fine It, but he has something which makes
him just the man I want."
Easton was silent. He had a great re
spect for his big, calm Englishman ; the
sort of respect that one has for anything
larger than one's self in the way of an
animal.
"Well, then," he said, "we will go. I
shall call the meeting on Tuesday week
at my rooms as before. It is the last full
meeting we shall ever have."
With that he rose and held out his
hand. When he was gone, Claud Tyars
turned to his breakfast again. He spent
the morning at the docks, and In the af
ternoon returned to bis rooms tired and
rather d.rty. In I few minutes all signs
of fatigue and work were removed, and
he set off on foot to call at Brook street,
one of the best dressed men In Piccadilly.
There was a sailor-like frankness in
the way in which Salter, the admiral's
butler, opened the door when the visitor
was fortunate enough to find any one at
home. The formal threshold question
was dispensed with by the genial welcome
or the heartfelt sorrow expressed by the
man's brown and furrowed face.
He welcomed Tyars with a special frin
nd an Ill-concealed desire to grab at a
forelock now brushed scrupulous! back.
and Captives
MERRIMAN
remembering on most occasions that he
was a butler, but his love for all marin
ers was a thing he never fully managed
to conceal. Land-lubbers he tolerated
now, and he liked a soldier, but his hon
est, dog-like heart went out to all who.
like himself, loved a breeze of wind and
the sweet, keen smell of spray. There
was a bond in mutual love, whether it be
of dog or horse, of sport or work, of land
or sea, and Tyars always felt an inclina
tion to shake honest John Salter by the
hand when he saw him.
To these feelings of sympathy must be
attributed the fact that Tyars forgot to
inquire whether the admiral were at
home. That some one was to be found
upstairs in the drawing room was obvi
ous enough from Salter's beaming coun
tenance; but the maritime butler omitted
to give particulars.
Thus it happened that the surprise was
mutual when Tyars and Helen Gracs
found themselves face to face alone in
the dravying room.
She had been seated at a small table
near the window and she rose to receive
him, without, however, moving toward the
door.
Hp came forward without appearing to
notice a slight movement of embarrass
ment on her part, and shook hands. Most
men would have launched into unneces
sary explanations respecting his presence,
his motive for coming, and his firm re
solve to leave again at once. But Claud
Tyars occasionally took it upon himself
to ignore the usages of his fellows.
"I have much pleasure." he said, with
grave jocularity, "in accetHina vour kind
invitation to dine on Wednesday week
and I am yours truly, Claud Tyars."
Helen laughingly expressed her pleas
ure that he was able to come, and return
ed to her chair beside the linlo thi
She was quite her gentle, contained self
again. I he signs of embarrassment, if
such they were, had Quite disMnnonrerf
and she asked him to find a chair for
himself with just that modicum of famil
iarity which one allows one's self toward
the intimate friend of a brother or sister.
This he did, frankly bringing a seat near
er to the small table.
"If," he continued, "it will be nnv sat
isfaction to your hospitable mind. I will
disclose the fact that my friend Easton
is also able to avail himself of your
kindness."
"I am glad," she said, glancing across
at him with those gravely auestionine
eyes of hers, which somehow conjured up
tnougnts or olden times, of auieter davs
when there was time to think and live
and love. "Mr. Tyars," she continued,
"I have an apology to make to you."
He looked at her without speaking for
some moments. In another man one
would almost have suspected a desire to
prolong the contemplation of
lovely, shamed face.
very
"For what?" he said at length.
"For disliking you I mean for begin
ning to dislike you. I don't I that
was at first."
"I wonder," he said, with quick mer
cy, "if you know why you began by
disliking me."
"I think I do."
He smiled and turned away his eyes
rather suddenly. There was a paper
knife lying on the table, and he took it
up, subsequently balancing it on his fin
ber, while she watched him with vague
and mechanical interest.
"Tell me," he said.
"Jealousy."
"Ah !"
He glancpd almost furtively toward
her and caught a passing smile. It was
now his turn to look ill at ease. She
maintained silence in a determined way
which somehow threw the onus of the
pause on his shoulders. At last he threw
the paper knife down on the table with a
clatter.
"You are right," he said, almost blunt
ly. "I have acted like a coward."
"And you are not a coward?"
He raised his eyebrows. The glance
of her eyes as they rested on his great,
stalwart frame canceled the interroga
tion. "I have never thought so until now."
She shook her head with rather a
wistful smile.
"Then I have reason," she said, "to
be jealous. You are drawing Oswin away
from me?"
Before replying he rose, and during
the rest of their conversation he never
took a seat again, but continued moving
about the room with a certain strange
restlessness which is very uncommon in
big men.
"What Is your mission?" she asked.
Again he stopped. He stood before her
with his strong arms hanging motionless,
his great brown hands half closed and
quite still, as they always were unless
actually at work. He certainly was a
picture of strength, a perfect specimen
of the human animal, as be had called
himself.
"Arctic exploration,' he answered. "I
mean to reach the north pole some day.""
It happened that Helen knew a good
deal about Arctic matters. The admiral
had been bitten by the strange craze In
his younger days. Like many others, he
had for a time given way to the spirit of
exploration which is hidden somewhere in
every Englishman's heart. Every book
of Arctic travel yet printed was to be
found In his smoke-scented den, and
Helen had read most of them.
She knew, therefore, what the end
would be. To hear a man say fnat he
intends to reach the north pole is one
thing ; to know what he is talking about
and believe in his intention Is quite an
other. To Helen Grace the fuller knowl
edge was given, and she sat looking at
Claud Tyars with a dull anguish in her
eyes.
"And you want Oswin?" she whis
pered. II did not answer, but turned away as
from something that he could not face,
and stood by the window, looking down
Into the street.
lit stood beside the window, not mov
ing a muscle. All this had been thought
out. This interview had been foreseen.
Oswin had atked that he might break
the news to his sister and father, but
Tyars had claimed the rixht himssll Ilia
was the onus, and his must be the blame.
There was no desire to shirk responsi
bility ; indeed, he seemed to court it.
Helen Grace must be deceived it was a
contemptible thing to do and he would
have none other but himself. He stub
bornly took It all upou his own shoul
ders. "I suppose," said Helen at last, "that
I he wants to go."
"Of course," was the answer. 'What
sailor would not? But I persuaded him
the fault is all mine."
She looked up sharply.
"And Mr. Easton?" she inquired, with
keen logic.
"Yes, yes; but I chose your brother.
The matter rests with me, and the
blame."
"What has Mr. Easton to do with It?"
she asked ; and he knew that she was al
ready prejudiced against the American.
"He is getting up the expedition the
first one."
"And he goes with you?"
"No," replied .Tyars ; "I have already
tolJ you he is physically incapacitat
ed."
She gave a little laugh a very un
pleasant laugh for a man to hear from
the lips of a woman, fortunately Mat
thew Mark Easton was spared the cru
elty of hearing it
"I like you," she said, "for telling
me. There were so many other ways of
doing it so many easier ways for you
but you chose to tell me yourself.
To this he said nothing. Despite his
capable air, despite an unusual rapidity
of thought which took the form of action
lu emergencies, he was not able to reel
off glib phrases at the proper moment.
Suddenly her proud self-restraint seem
ed to give way.
"I suppose," she said, softly, almost
pleadingly, "that nothing will deter you?"
"One word from you would deter me
he said, "but I do not think that you
will say it."
"No," she answered, with a smile; "I
am not going to ask you to let my broth
er off."
'I did not know how he wns circum
stanced when I first met him," said Ty
ars ; I did not know ot your existence.
"Of course," she said, with a little
shrug of the shoulders, "I am not going
to be silly and stand in my brother's
way. unly it would nave ievn so mucn
better could you have found some one
like yourself without brother or sister,
or any one to enre much for him. It is
not only for myself "
She stopped suddenly. There wa9 a
moment of tense silence. Then he slowly
approached her until the little table alone
separated them.
"Miss Grace," he said, slowly, "what
do you mean?"
She was not the kind of woman to
resort to subterfuge or useless denial, and
she therefore held her tongue. At the
same time she began to feet very help
less. With Oswin, with her father, and
with all men whom she had hitherto
known, she could hold her own. but with
Claud Tyars it was different. There was
in his presence a force which did not
take the form of words. He merely stood
still, and his silence was stronger than
any words she had yet heard. Then he
spoke slowly and quite gently:
"You must tell me," he said, "what
you mean.
She glanced up at him appealingly be
neath her lashes, at bay and yet almost
mastered. He softened a little.
"Unless," he added, it would be a
breach of confidence."
"No." she answered, "it is not that
for no one has confided in me but I
think "
"You are not sure?" be interrupted,
eagerly.
"Yes, Mr. Tyars, I am sure."
He turned away again and went to
ward the window. She mechanically took
up her work, and for some time both
were fully occupied with their own
thoughts.
The short winter day was drawing in
before Claud Tyars left Brook street. As
he shook hands with Helen, he said:
"I had the pleasure of meeting Miss
Winter the other evening."
"Yes," said Helen, "she told me."
That was all, but they understood each
other. A stress upon a single word, a
glance, a little hesitation, will say so
much that cannot be set down in print.
The unfinished conversation was termi
nated. Claud Tyars knew that there
was some one else to watch and wait for
Oswin Grace if he went to the Arctic
seas.
He had only been in the room an hour
a dismal November afternoon and yet
there was a difference in his life as he
left the door. It does not take long to
make a friend.
(To be continued.)
Friendly Tin.
'There are many things you should
avoid, young man," said the bachelor
philosopher, "but there Is one In par
ticular that 1 would warn you
against"
"What Is that?" queried the unso
phisticated youth.
"The widow who firmly believes that
she Is an example of the survival of
the fittest," replied the old man, with
a long-drawn-out sigh.
Feminine Attraction a.
Dolly Yes, the prettiest girl In our
Sunday school sold kisses at '.?.) centJ
each to help along the church fair.
Somehow, the young men were shv
about taking them at that price.
Dick So wonder. You must have
been trying to attract girls. Young
men are not looking for IW-eent bar
gains.
A Life Study.
Tess Belle graduated from your
cooking school last year, didn't she?
Jess Yes, but she's going to take a
post graduate course this spring.
Tess Going back to school, eh?
Jess No; she's going to marry a
poor young man at Easter. Philadel
phia Press.
Larkf for Him.
"What do you think of the man who
stole that Immense sum of money?"
"Well." answered Broncho Bob, MI
spose we'll have to go ahead and
spend the time an' money on a trial.
It's lucky for him It wasn't a boss."
Washington Star.
It is not wealth, nor ancestry, but
honorable conduct and noble dispo
sition that make men great Or Id.
Grunary with Elevator.
Here's a plan of granary to hold 3,0()0
bushels of grain ; the walls are of stone,
and an elevator Is arranged to work
by horse power. A granary to hold
3,000 bushels will require to be 'I'X feet
by 38 feet Inside. This will give six
bins, size 13 feet by 7 feet, and 0 feet
high. This will also allow for a pas
sage across the middle of the building 8
feet wide, which will give access to nil
of the bins and can be used for cleaulug
gniiu, as well as storing small Imple
ments. The floor should bo raised four
feet from the ground to make it dry
and convenient for loading grain, as
well as to provide for the elevator, and
belting below the floor. The walls be
..ig of stone, should be 13 feet high;
this will provide for 4 feet below the
tloor, one foot for floor, then 8 feet to
the plates ; this will give one foot clear
over the bins. There should be a stone
center wall lengthwise under the floor
to carry the floor joists, which will be
12 feet long and match on middle wall.
GRANARY WITH POWER ELEVATOR.
To give head room over the top Joists
the roof should be a third pitch.
Following is the required material:
1,11.10 feet rooting, one inch.
1,(170 feet flooring, Inch, to be laid
double.
50 Joists for floor, 2 Inches by 12
Inches, 12 feet long, 1,000 feet.
19 Joists over head, 2 inches by 2
Inches, 24 feet long, 610 feet.
050 feet lumiber for bins, one Inch.
2(5 studs, 4 inches by 4 inches, 8 feet
long.
13 squares shingles.
1.10 feet Inch lumber for doors.
40 rafters, 2 inches by 0 Inches, ltt
feet long.
To arrange an elevator for horse
power, a hopper that will hold at least
50 bushels should be sunk in the floor
close to the door and at one side to
empty grain for the wagon, lhe ele
vator Is au ordinary built elevator with
buckets standing upright and In the
rear corner of center bin. The box at
bottom of elevator must be close on the
ground to be connected with the deliv
ery hopper by a spout, with sufficient
siope that the grain will run freely.
Hie elevator will discharge well above
the upper joists into a hopper In the
center of the building, to which a funnel-shaped
spout Is attached, that can
be shifted to deliver Into any of the
bins. The horse power should be plac
ed at the end of the granary, and driv
en by a belt or shaft, passing through
an opening In the wall left for the pur
pose. The details can be all worked
out by mechanic, one essential is to
have plenty of slope for the delivery
hopper to box at foot of elevator, even
if it should be sunk into the ground a
little. Montreal Star.
Feet of the Home.
To get the most from a horse its feet
must be kept in proper condition ; not
only well and properly shod, but cared
lor by the owner in the matter ot clean
ing. The beginning of such care
should be the clean stable; that is, the
stable clean of manure, than which
nothing Is worse for the horse to stand
in for any considerable time. When
the horse couies iu from a day of work
iu the fields, which are soft, or from u
hard drive on muddy roads, lxk after
Its feet and legs. Each hoof should be
looked over carefully and cleaned, and
the legs should be groomed as carefully
as the sides. Then there are the ir
tlous of the coat which are covered by
the harness which ought to have good
care each time the horse is brought into
the barn. First of all, see that the har
ness tits well, then, after unharnessing
wipe off the places touched by the har
ness, using a moist rag or sionge. If
there Is any suspicion of a rubbing,
look to the cause at once and remove
It There Is no time In the work days
of the horse when good care and watch
fulness will do so much to keep him In
good condition as during the period of
bard spring work.
For Calloned Shoulder.
A farmer In North Dakota gives his
method of treatment and cure of cal
loused shoulders of work horses In the
Dakota Farmer, which he says he has
used with uniform success, as follows:
l cut a slit In the front part of the
collar opposite the callous, then cut
another slit at right angles across the
first one. I then take out enough of
the filling to allow for callous. After
soaking face of collar In warm water
I lay the front part, where cuts Dave
been made, on a plank or something
solid, and pound face of collar where
It presses on callous, witn round-raced
hammer, till a sufficient hollow has
been made. This plan will work
whether collar has been used with or
without pad. Then when the horse
comes In from work I bathe the callous
In water as hot as can be borne and
paint with idolne. Yon will find this
plan worth trying, nd I will guarantee
the coilajr wll not be Injured,
Wafeh for Seed Adulterations.
The work of different experiment sta
tions has shown that a large number of
foreign seeds are contained In clover
and alfalfa seed, including the dod
ders, which are so destructive to alfal
fu, and a large number of bad weed
pests like the narrow plantain, wild
mustard and a host of new weeds.
One Impure sample of last year's sup
ply contained thirty -two species of for
eign seeds, including both species of
dodder, the plantains, many common
weeds, three species of Western wteds
that are new In Ohio and as many
European weeds that have been here
tofore unknown In this State. At least
a dozen new weeds have been Intro
duced Into Ohio lu alfalfa seed during
half as many years.
While this Is unacceptable It Is still
more so to get only black medlck (yel
low trefoil) plauts as many have done,
where supposed alfalfa seed was sown.
In these times of high-priced seeds
there Is temptation to adulterate with
cheap seeds like the black medlck, etc.,
which have very slight value as forage
plants with us; there is like disposi
tion to offer seeds with many weed
seeds, at low prices. Both these dan
gers are real. Intending purchasers of
such seeds will do well to be assured of
their quality.
Shipping Hay to Dealers.
During the last two years a number
of rogues in different sections of the
country have been offering a considera
ble advance on the market price of hay
and thousands of tons have been ship
ped to these ieople for which the pro
ducer received little or no return. With
hay, as with other articles of farm
produce, It Is usually best to sell It as
near home as possible. In every fann
ing center there are reliable dealers
who will pay a fair price for such pro
ducts and pay spot cash for them. True,
they sell them at an advance, but It Is
almost impossible for the grower to
reach these outside sources of demand,
hence he can better afford to let the
local dealer make a dollar or two than
lie can to take any chances In shipping
himself, and especially to people of
whom he knows nothing. The writer
yearly sells his surplus hay to a local
liveryman and gets the cash on deliv
ery. Opportunities offer to bale It and
ship to the city at an advance on the
local price, but we have figured that
our labor, time and element of risk in
the latter projKsit!on is not warranted
by the higher price, so we "let well
enough alone." and it generally pays to
do this. Indianapolis News.
Best Farm Hand.
Labor on farms Is nearly always
prosing after spring opens, but It is
difficult to secure capable help. There
are many excellent opportunities for
boys to secure good homes and fair
wages if they are willing to serve a
year on farms in the endeavor to learn.
It may be mentioned that, while many
suipo?e that "anyliody can work on
a farm," the fact Is that even a large
number of laborers accustomed to farm
ing are undesirable. The best farm
bands are those who require no suer
vision, thus relieving the employer of
the necessity of leaving his personal
duties In order to look after the help.
Outlet for Drain.
One of the most common as well as
most efficient protections for the outlet
of a main drain Is a plank Iox with
wire bars placed vertically across the
!RAIN OUTLET.
end alMMt two inches apart. Such a
box should be made of 2-lnch plank,
12 feet long and large enough to admit
of the Insertion of the tile into the
upper end. A protection of this kind
serves a double purpose. It prevents
small animals from entering the drain
and will not be damaged by frost.
Smoklnic Meat.
The best fuel for smoking meats Is
green hickory or maple wood, smoth
ered with sawdust of the same mate
rial. Hardwood of any kind is prefer
able to soft wood. Kesinous woods
should never be used, as they are like
ly to Impart bad flavors to the products.
Corncobs are the bejt substitutes for
hardwood and may 1k used If desired.
Soft woods and eorncoJw give off large
amounts of carlion In burning, and this
Is deposited on the meat, making It
dark In color and of rank flavor. Juni
per berries and fragrant woods are
sometimes added to the fire to flavor
the meat
Growing- Nutn.
Nut growing Is profitable, but It re
nnlrM venrs t brln? a nut tree to n
stage of growth where It will pay well;
hence only young farmers are induced
to devote land In that direction. Wal-i"'
nuts, chestnuts and butternuts will Im-
.,. i ,
walnut trees will be so scarce that the
farmer who has a grove will secure his
own price therefor, the timber being
exceedingly valuable.
Thander Storms and Soar Milk.
The primary cause of sour milk Is
the growth of certain bacteria that are
always very numerous In the air and '
rannot be kt :out , f he milk. These flood Jn our town , my lHyM, re
are moat abundant during damp, heavy ,pd Jondon mn t,,e wat(,r 8(ruok
weather, which usually accompanlea ,louse my fathor Kt on and
thunder storms; as such weather Is par- flonted wlth the Btronm UIfti, w
ttcularly favorable to their develop-1 resruert.- ..And yonY' said the musl
ment Hence, the popular notion that lan. -w, rndon. "I acvom
thunder atorma make milk sour. led blm on tne pUno.-Wasn,
Uncle Pete Sambo, did yo' ever see
de Catskill Mountains? Sambo No,
sah ; I'se seen 'em kill mice.
"Do you think hla words have any
weight?" "Well, he makes some pret
ty heavy speeches." Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Tlckerly Why do they say "dabble
lu stocks?" Tapesou It must be on
account of the water that Is in most of
them. Smart Set.
Customer Is this horse radish pure
ly vegetable? 'Rastus (the waiter)
Yes, sah, an' It's guaranteed ter be ab
solutely horseless!
Mrs. Glen VUler How do you like
my new spring hat? Mrs. Wade Par
ker Lovely! Who made It over for
you? Cleveland Leader.
A Breakfast Dialogue. Mrs. Talk-
words Henry, you were talking in
your sleep last night. Henry Pardon
me for Interrupting you.
A Sure Way. "What wns It Frank
lin said? 'If you'd have a thing well
done ' " "Tell your cook you like
It rare," Interrupted Subbubs.
A Carnegie Proposal. Father Can
you support her In the manner to
ivhleh she Is accustomed? Suitor Yes,
sir; If you will raise an equal amount
Tess Did he actually kiss you? Jess
Yes. Tess Gracious! Jess The
Idea! He was not. I think it was I
who was gracious to let him. I'hlla-
ielphla Press.
'They say that Austria-Hungary has
only one doctor to every twenty-six
mndred Inhabitants, and still the
leath-rate Is low." "That's the reuson."
Indianapolis Star.
Him Darling, you don't know how
beautiful you are! Her George, I
have a very good mirror and am not
blind. What I don't know Is how rich
yon are. Cleveland Leader.
Fond Father Heaven bless you, sir,
for rescuing my daughter from a wa
tery grave. Think of the risk you ran!
Life Saver No risk at all, sir; I'm
married. M 1 1 w n u k ee News.
The Sick Poet. "Are you feeling
very 111?" asked the physician. "Let
me see your tongue, please." "It's no
use, doctor," replied the patient; 'no
tongue can tell how bad I feel.' "
"Here Is an article about our cor
rupt police," said t lie reporter. "How
should I head It?" "Oh, Just say the
city has a bad case of the blues," re
plied the great editor. Chicago News.
Fair Warning. Woman Now, If you
don't leave at once I'll call my husband
and he's an old Harvard football
player. Tramp Lady, If yer love him,
don't call him out I used to play wld
Yale.
Very Simple. Mrs. Chugwnter Jo
slah, what Is a pronunclainento? Mr.
Chugwater "Pronouncing amen to"
anything you want Indorsed. I should
think you cuuid tell that by looking at
the word Itself.
Mrs. Upsonie The pple that have
moved Into the house next door to ours
spend about half their time peeping at
us through their lace curtains. Mrs.
Chillicou-Kearney How did you find
It out? Chicago Tribune.
He Gave It Up. Speaker I defy
any one in this audience to mention a
single action that I can perform with
my right hand that I cannot do equal
ly well with my left. Voice from the
Gallery Put yer left hand lu yer right
hand trousers pocket.
"Well, I'll tell you the trouble with
Sterling. I admit that he's a fairly
good business man, but there's a pret
ty big element of luck In his success.
He's Insufferably conceited, too, and
Lheu It's merely his hycrlsy that- "
"You seem to know him pretty well."
'Oh, yes, we're great friends." Ex.
I'roud Mother. A poor woman. In all
:he pride and glory of her maternal
:ieart, declared to a kind-hearted llsten-
?r that "Since the world was a
svorld, there never was such a clever
Soy as my Micky, for he's Just made
:wo chairs and a fiddle out of his own
head, anil has got plenty of wood left
for another."
Usurious. Ikesteln ami Aaronburg,
two money-lenders, met. "(Joot bit hues
yesterday, Ike," said Aaron. "Young
Sthoftely come to ine to borrow $.100.
I gift It him at 50 per thont, an' de-
Juct a year's lntereth and pay him
J250." "Veil, you was a fool, Aaron,
Vy, you shouhl have lent It him for
two years and paid him nottlngs."
ComiKjsltlon on a Horse. A father
going Into his stable found his little
Ron astride one of the horses, with a
slate and pencil In his hand. "Why,
"Hrry." he exclaimed, "what are you
rtolng?" "Writing a composition" was
"We, 'hy, ?!mtt J'wou wrl,a
il "je "ouse? , f
I cause." answered the little fellow, "the
teacher told me to write a composition
on a horse."
An Eastern newspaper says that Jack
London was introduced In a cafe to a
musician. "I, too, am a musician In
a small way," Iondou said. "My musi
cal talent was once the means of sav
ing my life." "How was that?" the
t . , a.rr'l -
M;n
I musician Bsseu. i nrre w as a great