SPORT WITH KINKS IN IT. "
tf ThlnKK That Hnve llapprned
to Tla era of Golf and Cricket
in the Field.
It is a gorgeous stcry that comes
from the golf links of Cairo, and
very good golfer will heraftcr carry
a guu in his bag of clubs if he wish
es to overlook no fine points, says th9
Illustrated Sporting News. After a
splendid drive, a Cairo player watched
the bail roll over the dii-ant turf, when
to his horrified amazercent. a crow
swooped down and carried it aloft. The
golfer and the caddie put cff in chase,
the caddie cursing in fluent Arabic.
Then, to the delight of the golfer, the
row dropped the ball cr. the green, and
lie holed out in two strokes, which put
Col. Bogey out of commission. The op
ponent was threatened with apoplexy.
As in the case of the Indian football
trick of sticking the ball under his Jer
sey, there was every kind of r rule in
the book, except one to cover the unex
pected, ancl the golfer's record, ably as
fisted by his cTov-rip. hod to stand.
Many years apo in Erfinnd, before a rule
was made to fit a rlmilsr emergency in
mr'-ot, it is rchtrd tint a batsmen
A nocked a ball into a tall tree, where it
leered in the crutch of a limb. There
w, no climbing thp tre. and the near
est as was a hnlf :r.i swy. TV-fore it
could be obtained ti e tree chopped
down, the man with the l;-t rrnce more
than 700 runs, hurtlirir lt-rcon the
wickets like a human shuttlecock. He
stopped scoring runs then, orly because
he ran hrmsf nut of ?'rofrfh and
breath and fell en the turf still feebly
trying to pile up pr.othr run, with one
weary eye cocked ov the tree and all the
opposing side frantically trying to chop
at once.
when the inflammable nature of the
surroundings is considered. The stalls
of the horses should be decorated with
flowers. The orchestra for the occa
sion, to be quite is keeping, need be
only an accordion, a fiddle or a
mouth organ, played by some young
countryman who has done so before
at dances of the real haymakers.
REGRETTED HIS JEALOUSY.
Uaaband'a Hiutlneaa Onoaed
Somethlatr of a Losa in a
Flaaaclal War.
Him
stratum ui cc cua: Uti6utb ox juout
martre a gang of workmen found the
skeleton and trunk of a mammoth. At
Grenelle a couple of laborers discovered
miaa Roosevelt at Pekin.
Pekin, Sept. 14. Miss Alice Roose-
the skeleton of a mammoth mixed uprs. Rockhill, wife of the Ameri
wlth those of a rhinoceros, hlppopota-l ... . XT
cau uiiuiBier, oitb. new anus, wua 01
EAT WHILE THEY MOVE.
J'eenHnrftj- of I'nlre-in of Dining
Cnr Told Of hy rm Ob-
ert 3s:;r Chef.
The chef c
tilling cars w
th5 ctbr - dr.y.
for T'--,;'- '
the ?hi!a-'-'--kvj
evfry t."!.;
or.c rf v" PTPFvlyania
5 pir i-uinrly tal!-;rive
T'-.r "-p.s wailing
IWrrrr-h
waiifrg for
n Iffr- p
Ihii-" v h (''
i :
'jr.' '.?-; ;,f t vet beer
rpc-'ised. The ci. rg nmed to be eat
for !r n '--.--' :ri?:irr-lv fashion, with no
jp-virerif copern for those who were
less tortur.pte.
"I'? pv:zr? the way," said the dark
fomplexior'fl cook, glancing through
the car. "Whpn th train is running
long thos- r -ople will cat about twice
nn fast as they do ordinarily. But when
the comes to a s'c p thfy start to talk,
ynd hardly touch a bite. It's the motion
of the moving train that does it. Now,
3ou Just watch them, and see if I'm not
right."
Just then the triin pulled out, and the
observer snw a sisrht "Vh flrmlv con
vinco', M"? th?t IrfTnrr hd spok
n truthfully. r;te. Vnis and fork3
?igan to rattle invs-friously. Everyone
iegan to eat es if his life depended upon
the next mouthful.
"Didn't I tell you so?" called out the
grinning philosopher.
VACATION AMUSEMENT.
Haymaker's Picnic a .lew Form of
Peatitity for the Country
Ontlnic.
A rather short and, on the whole,
somewhat Insigniflcant-looking gentle
man lately married a tall, handsome
lady. He is, unfortunately for his
peace of mind, of a jealous and hasty
disposition, says London Tit-Bits.
The other evening ha had left his wife
outside a tobacconist's shop while he
went in to purchase some cig-ar3. Just
as he was coming out he saw a young
fellow step up to her and raise his hat.
As he drew near he heard the young gal
lant commence in an affectionate tone
of voice:
"Excuse me, madam"
Before he could get any farther our
latter-day Othello burst on him:
"Excuse me, sir, what is your busi
ness with this lady?"
"Eh?" returned the other, in a sur
prised and cool manner; "my business
is with the lady, and no one else."
"Well, sir," said the husband, irri
tat' by what he considered the ef
frontery of the reply, "this lady, I'd have
you to know, is my wife."
"Dear me!" rejoined the young man,
sarcastically, as he calmly inspected his
assailant, from top to toe; "really, now,
do you know, I'm astonished to hear it! "
Enr?.ged beyond measure the hus
band cried, fiercely:
u you acaress anotner word to my
wife I'll "
"I dns't intend to now," broke in the
young fellow, quietly; "and you will
probably regret it before the day is out
Good-day to you," and off he went.
Less than half an hc;;r afterwards the
lady missed a valuable bracelet which
her husband had given her on her last
birthday. And that gentleman reiuc
tantly agrees with bis wile that the
young man must have picked it up, and
that he was about to return it to its
owner when he was so rudely treated.
The lady now possesses another brace
let, so that the incident is not referred to
so frequently as it might otherwise have
been.
tnus and an antediluvian bull. Sharks'
teeth are found In profusion.
" At Moulineaux the bones of a huge
tapir and otwary fragments that seem
to have formed port of the skeleton of a
gigantic bird have been brought tc
light. Beneath tbe llace de la Bastile
layers of barnacles and mussels have
been discovered imbedded in silex. Vast
deposits of gypsum have also been dis
covered, aud the geological formation
of the beds is such as to lead scientists
to the conclusion that Paris was once
perforated with thermal springs like
the geysers of Iceland.
No vestiges of antediluvian man have
yet been discovered, such as were found
some years ago in the caves near Men-
tun, but the French geologists are
keenly allvfi to the opportunities afford
ed by the excavaUims of the Metropol
itan railway, and hope to find human re
mains of th Lertlary period. Special
instructions have ben given to the
workmen to look out not only for bones
and relics, but also for traces or im
prints on rocks of any animals, for M.
Berthelot, the eminent chemist, who
eagerly follows the progress of the ex
cavations from a scientific standpoint,
declares that, owing to the radio-activ-lty
of certain bodies, it would by no
meant" be improbable to discover in the
subterranean strata of Paris images
a sort cf natural cliches, as it were of
antediluvian life traced upon walls of
rock.
TOO MUCH LATIN AND GREEK.
Talk of . Mi Who Gave Sixty Per
Cfnt. of Si a Study to Dead
LanR-aasrec.
ITALY AND THE VATICAN.
For the girls and boys spending
their summer vacation in the "real
counrty," there is no form of amuse
ment more eujoyarde than a hay
makers picnic. The big hay wagon
13 pressed into service, the girls mak
ing it very attractive with festoons of
wild flov.er3 and green leaves. Noth
ing but the seating portion of the ve
hicle is left undecorated. If the horses
or oxen are sufficiently gentle they
too, can he decKed out in floral finery
In this festive looking cart the girls
and boys, arrayed In genuine country
lashion. are conveyed to the hayfleld
'he girls go in for sunbonnet3 and
ffngham aprons, tbe boys wearing
broad-brimmed stnw headgear, sim
flar to that adopted by the real farm-
rrs. and with overalls tucked into
high boots, as tbe haymaker is always
ictured.
Once In the field the frolic begins,
with which is combined some real help
to the farmer, a3 the heaped up hay
wagon soon shows. The luncheon.
which has come later In a lees fantas
tic wagon than the haymaVe' char
fot, i3 eaten in we shady spot, ths
eats being fragrant mounds of hay.
No table i" rjrer.f', the rari'l vlchei and
fruit being eaten from hp hands. A
big can rf cool m'.:k or buttermilk is
?vie only beverare, r.n' '-t served
in a tin dipper by an obliging farm
hand. Wien it comes time for home
going all ride on top of the load, which
is not as easy a feat as it looks, for
the hay has a curious way of slipping
from under, suggesting a trip on a
camel's back more than the ease of a
cushioned seat
If at night a dance In the barn can
follow the picnic, the day will be com
pete. Tor this lanterns furnish the
fights, those which the farmers carry
when they go to do the chores being
preferred to the pretty Japanese ones.
How the Bloodless and Unequal War Is
Waged.
It 5s a racred maxim, handed down
from age. to age by the suc
cessors of St. Peter, that what
ever spiritual or temporal pow
ers have once been placed within
their hands shall be kept intact and
unimpaired, says iviacmillan's Mnga
zine. They do not admit defeat. What
they do not possess de facto they at
least possess do jure. L they have lost
the substance, they retain the shadow,
and if their earthly kingdom has been
filched that loss, they say, will only
be continued for a season, until that
brierhter tlav returns when all shall
be restored. The holy Catholic church,
it is said, can allord to stand and wait
An all-seeinr providence will L'ive her
the victory at last. In the belief of all
true Catholics it is certain that .she
will eventually triumph as that the
sun will rise npain.
Meanwhile, though she nver hastes
she never rests and she presses on her
claims with a persistency which, if
often silent, never flacrs. They are
pushed unceasingly from hour to hour
from day to day, from year to year
and if the outside world can forget
them or deride them Ihe government
of King Humbert never can. It has
to face an unsleeping foe whom no
good will can over conciliate or ap
pease, whose claims are incapable of
compromise. Both demand the right
to rule in the city of the Caesars and the
victory of . one side means: the inevitable
and endurirg humiliation of the other,
So is waged the bloodless but unequal
war. Yet, though the occupation of
tbe quirinal is securely based on force,
the Vatican has weapons in her arsenal
of a less material kind with which she
is well able to harass and annoy.
RELICS FOUND IN PARIS.
roaall
aatna tJaarthd la Gies
aj for aa Undera-roand
Ball road.
Geologists, naturalists and paleontolo
gists have been supplied with new doc
uments by the excavations and subter
ranean galleries made during the con
struction of the Paris Metropolitan un
derground railroad, which is rapidly
converting the subsoil of the capital
Into a sort of gigantic rabbit warren.
With commendable foresight M. Bien
venu, the engineer In charge of the
work, has given instructions to all la
borers under his orders to report at
once any relics, bones, animal or vegeta
ble remains, they may discover, says a
Parte correspondent of the New York
Times.
Tbe underground operations of the
Metropolitan system are as yet net half
completed, but already seven or eight
hundred Interesting objects have been
unearthed, and scientists are employed
by the city to collect and classify them.
Teeth of the squall have been dug up be
neath the Place de 1 'Opera and in a
"I tell you, professor, I would be bet
ter off all around if I had 'small Latin
and less Greek,' as was said of Shake
speare," remarked one man to another,
as he took a. seat in a Weetport car, relates
the New York Sun. "Do you know that
I have figured that I have put in fit) per
cent, of my study time and mental ef
fort on Greek and Latin, and what I have
acquired from them in knowledge and
mental discipline has been of precious
little use to me from any point of
view.
"I really belle-e that I would be bet
ter fitted for my business, for citizen
ship, and every relation that I row enjoy,
if I had cut that GO pr cert, down to ten,
and given &0 to a closer study of the sci
ences and English literature, which
should have included Blac.ka.tone and
Kent, as well as Bacon, Macaulay, Car
lyle nd the rest of those chaps.
"If all of th? men who are now helping
to boost along this busy and progressive
world had had 'toVscpend 60 per cent,
of their young mental effort on Latin and
Gree-k, we might have a civilization of
mummies, who would present a fine
appearance in their ancient cerements.
Otdet Family In the World.
"The oldest family in the world lives
in Bell county, Ky.," said B.F.Creech,
a prominent merchant e.f Four Mile.
"I do nut mean that they have the
longest pedigree, but that they have
been here a long tim$, and have a fam
ily history that is peril ops the most
unique in the world. Lewis Green is
rr, i.i. l m ::..
y. years uiu , ins wwe, irg una ii eeii,
is 92 years old. Thev were married
i years ago, and went to live on a
farm at the mouth of Bingham's creek,
in a bend of the Cumberland river.
They are still living in the siime house
to which they went as bridegroom and
bride three-qiiHrters of a century ago.
I'hey have ten children, the youngest
is now 4.5, ann tr.ere has never been
a deatn in tre tamnj. ah or wtucn
makes me believe that Bell county is
the healthiest place on the face of
the globe. The Greens live about'ten
miles from Pineville." Louisville
Courier-Journal.
United States Senator Newlands, aod
O tier Udies of Miss Roosevelt's party,
went to tbe Summer palace Wednesday
and spent the oitflit. Yesterday they
were received in formal audience by the
Dowager Empress.
Mrs. Rockhill, who was first pre
sented to the Empress, introduced Miss
R 'otevelt first and afterward the other
ladies of the party. The Empress
moved among the visitors, chatting in
formally aud presenting them with
handsome gifts of bracelets and rinirs.
This was followed by an inflection of
tie ground) of the Summer pahce.
The wbo'e visit was remarkable on ac
count of the absence of formality.
Returning fo Pekin in the evening,
most of the p.irty attnled sn '"at
home" at the German Minister's, where
General and Mrs. Corbin and Senator
and Mrs. Newlands are being entei
taiiel. The party fpent today feeing
the 8inht of Pekin. Tomorrow all will
go to Tie i Tsin to attendj a reception
given by Viceroy Yuan Hhai Kai.
Clared for Action.
When the body is cleared for action,
by Dr. King's New Life Pills, yon can
tell it by tbe bloom of health on tbe
cheeks; the brifrhtndjs of tbe eyes; the
firmness of the flesh and muscles; tbs
buoyanoy of tbe mind. Try them. At
Slocum Drug Co.'s drug store, 25 cents.
Save money.
Salem, Or., Sept. 7 The new law
passed by the last legislature governing
the transportation of patients irora tbe
several counties to the Insane Asylum
has now been in operation for more
than two months. From vouchers on
file in the oifice of tbe Secretary of State
the indications are that ,the saving to
the state on the tranpportation of insane
patients will be at least 50 per cent each
yer.
AJwr reliable The Weekly Oregoniaa,
Are Yu Engaged?
Engaged people should remember
that after ninrriag mnoy quarrels osn
be avoided by keeping their digestions
in good condition with Eleatrio Bitters.
8. A. Brown, or Bennettsville., 8. (J-,
says: "For yeirs my wifd 8ufferd in
tensely from dyspepsia, oomplioatid
with a torpid liver, until the hf-t her
Everybody wants to
Oregoniaa has to 6ay.
know what The
HiimiiJTTtres
i
I
AVfcgefable Preparationfor As
similating lltcFoodandRcgula
Ung the Stomachs and Dowels of
Promotes Digcstion.Cheerfur-
ness and Hest. ion tains neither
Omum,Morphine norIineral.
NOT f ARC OTIC .
Jimpe of OULr SAMUEL PITCHER
ftanpcM Seed"
jtlx.Semui
RockJUSmUt
Anue ttnrtt
ftftrrmute -
Gmfod .Imp
lfatrryrmn rtavcr.
A perfect Remedy for Constipa
tion , Sour Stomach, Diarrhoea
Worms .Convulsions .Feverish
ness and Loss of Sleep.
Facsimile Signature of
NEW YORK.
1
EXACT COPy OF WRAPPER.
cuniH
For Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have
Always Bought
Bears the
Signature
of
hi m
f .
J U" For Over
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m i
Iqqs&sji ffii n Grwm mum
TMI OCNTAUR CSKMIir, NEW VOMK CITY.
A MOUNTAIN PRIMA DONNA.
Sh la Still Looking for an Engagement
at Sl.OOO a Night.
'I was traveling through North
Georgia," said a drummer to a Wash
ington Star reporter. "I stopped ail
night at a cabin, where a young girl
kept me awake by singing. Her voic
did not have a particle of music in it,
and she had no idea whatever of time
or tune, but she made the loudest noise !
ever heard come from a human be- I
ing.
'In the morning my host said:
'I seed in th county paper thet they
paid primmer donners big wages.'
"Yes, some of them get $1,000 a
nig-ht.' j
' 'Waal, so I heerd. Now, I'll make it
to yo' inture3t to tell how yo' go 'bout :
gittin' a job at it. Yo' see, my darter
hes mo voice than any one I ever seed. ,
She's got the bilges' kin' o crap o'
voice. We visited Atlanty, whar my
brother lives, an we went to hear one o ,
them primmer donners, an' sense then j
Mag's practiced t'.U she kin sing- so she ,
kin be heerd a plumb mile furderthan
thet yallar-haired gal at th' show. A
thousan' dollars a night! Yo' jess git
her a job an' we'll sho' be squar 'bout .
it.' I
"I am still looking for a job for her.
flRST JATIONAL gANK
OF HEPPNER.
O. A. RHEA President
T. A. RHEA Vio-Preaident
O. W. CON8ER Cashier
E. L. FREELAND. .Assistant Cashier
Transact a General Banklnq Business.
paid on Time Deposits.
Four per cent.
EXCHANGE ON ALL PARTS OF THE WORLD BOUUHT AND SOLD
Collections made on all pomtaon reasonable terms. Surplus and undivided profits 35,UOO.
PflLflCE HOTEL
IHEPPNER, OREGON
Leading Eastern Oregon Hotel
MODERN CONVENIENCES
ELECTRIC LIGHTED . . .
D'ider New MsnBgement. Thoroughly
Renovated and ReSitted. Best
Meids in the City.
I
A recognized
Oregoniaa.
autnorlty The WeekU
TIE METSCHAN, Jr., Prop.