ifrlN THE QUICKSANDS.-m-
ELI TAYLOR was a typical
frontiersman. His father had
been a pioneer and his grand
father had been killed by Indians
"away back when Missouri on' Arkan
saw belonged to the French," to use
. his own language.
Whenever Ell Taylor could see the
smoke of a neighbor's cabin he became
possessed with the Idea that the coun
try was getting to be too thickly set
tled and correspondingly " unhealthy,
and he bandied his family Into one of
those huge wagons known as "a prairie
schooner" and moved further west.
This he persisted in doing until ono
day he found himself under the shadow
of the Rocky Mouutains, and he woke
up to the fact that his wife was a
broken-down old woman and his
daughter Lena and his son Tom "about
as big as they was ever goln' to got to
be."
Young Tom Taylor had not Inher
ited the gypsy love of change that had
distinguished his ancestors. He was a
sturdy, sensible fellow and wanted to
settle down on a farm, where his moth
er could live better than she had been
doing, and where Lena could have a
chance to. know more about books,
which she had learned to read in some
unaccountable way, and of which she
was very fond.
And so Ell Taylor In his 50th year
settled down to the cultivation of a
farm not far from what Is now Canyon
City, but which was then a cluster of
cabins where prospectors rested before
going over the mountains to South
Tark.
Here Ell Taylor and young Tom
worked with so much success that
within a few years they had a comfort
able bouse and outbuildings, a dozen
cows and as many horses, and, great
est of all evidences of prosperity,
money laid by for a rainy day.
Lena Taylor, though miles away
from the nearest neighbor, was not
destined to remain unknown and un
appreciated. The fame of her thrift
and her beauty was discussed about
the campflres of prospectors In the
mountains. Many of them had gone a
day's Journey out of their way to see
her, and the general opinion was that
the man who made a successful
"claim" to her hand would have, by all
odds, the finest piece of property In the
territory.
It has been said that poverty and suf
fering are the greatest tests of charac
ter, but we are Inclined to think that
it requires a stronger, nobler nature to
withstand a change In the face of sud
den prosperity than to meet reversals
with philosophy.
EH Taylor, was prosperous, and with
his prosperity vanished bis Inborn dis
like for settled communities. It was
be who carried all the farm produce to
Canyon City and purchased there such
supplies as were needed by bis thrifty
family.
Had he confined bis purchases to
these supplies all would have been
well, but, unfortunately, he had a
chance to gratify bis taste for strong
drink, and he yielded to It till the pas
sion became his master.
The saloons of the frontier at that
tlmo were open gambling dens, "run"
by sharpers who plundered without re
morse the men they had first mode
drunk.
One of these places, was kept by a
man named "Mart" Estel, who had the
coveted reputation of wealth and the
unenviable reputation of a desperado
who had killed a number of men. He
always denied being rich, and when
questioned about his shooting exploits
he would lay his band pn his hip and
say, with a chilling laugh:
"You can bet that when Mart Estel
finds himself In a tight box be knows
how to fix the lock that will let, him
out"
EsteYs saloon become a favorite re
sort with Ell Taylor, and be not only
got drunk there, but the news reached
hla family that be had fallen Into the
bablt of gambling. The latter report
was confirmed by the fact that he no
longer accounted for the money be had
got from the sale of his produce.
Lena and her brother begged their
father to keep away from Canyon City,
but, unheeding them and blind to the
tears of his Invalid wife, he persisted
in the course.
And now the son and daughter, who
had been so eager to secure a perman
ent home, expressed an anxiety to move
further Into the wilderness, but their
father became stubborn, saying:
"You made me settle down here and
here I'll stay."
When matters were nearlng their
worst a young man, dressed In the
garb of a hunter, but with a refinement
of manner that convinced Lena that
he was not "an original mountaineer,"
came to the valley In which the Taylor
farm was situated and asked to board
there while be hunted and prospected
In the neighboring mountains. He gave
his name as "George Herron," and as
he offered $8 a week for the accommo
dation and showed a willingness to pay
in advance, Mrs. Taylor and Lena
agreed to take him In.
George Herron was a handsome and
rather a melancholy young man such
a one as must appeal powerfully to the
virgin heart and lofty Imagination of
the frontier girL
He was away a great deal often for
nights at a time, and when he returned
be but seldom brought game, though
be always had strange wild flowers for
Lena and curious specimens of ores,
which he examined with bis micro
scope and acids.
Love is largely a matter of associa
tion; It Is not, therefore, to be wonder
ed at that Lena grew to watch the
mountain trail for the coming of the
young hunter, nor that the light of
gladness left her expressive face
whenever she saw him disappearing In
the rocky heights above the valley.
Of late Mart Estel bad taken to riot
ing the valley, but it chanced that he
never came there except when George
Herron was away.
Eli Taylor had ceased going to Can
yon City; Indeed, he seemed to have
lost all Interest In the farm, in his
family, and In himself.
Lena and bcr mother tried to cheer
him, and Tom worked harder than ever
to make up for his father's losses, but
still Eli went about like a man whose
heart was broken.
The reason for this melancholy was
at length made manifest. One day
Mart Estel, accompanied by a stout,
florid man of 40 who looked much like
himself, came to the farm and held a
long consultation with Ell Taylor.
"I have kept It all from my children,"
said Ell Taylor to Estel and his com
panion, who was known as "Lawyer
Roggs," "but I reckon the best way is
to have them in and make a clean
breast of It."
"Yes; they might as well know it first
as last," said Estel, "and more par
ticularly Lena, for she's got it in her
power to square the account"
"How so?" asked EH.
"Didn't I tell you how when last you
was down, and didn't you promise to
speak to her about it?" asked Estel.
"I wasn't myself then. I've forgot
all about It, and I wish I could forget
that I ever came to this settlement,"
said the distracted man. .
"Have your family in and let us talk
It over," said Lawyer Roggs, as he
drew some papers from his pocket.
Mrs. Taylor, Lena and Tom were
called in, and Mart Estel, without any
preliminaries, went on to tell how for
a year or more EH Taylor had been
getting deeper and deeper Into his
debt.
"I loaned money and did all I could
for Mr. Taylor," said Estel, "and at
last, seeing that he could not pay me,
I took a mortgage on the farm and the
stock.' The mortgage Is due, and if
Mr. Taylor or none of the family ain't
able to take It up I'll sell the place or
I'll take it for what's due me."
"I don't know anything about law,"
said Tom Taylor, "and I don't want to
know, but I've tried, and so have
mother and Lena,' to work hard and
"YOV HAVE MY ASSWER," SAID LENA.
make a living up to this time. Father
had no right to mortgage the farm
and the stock, for they are more of my
making than of his, and J do not pro
pose to let any man interfere with my
rights."
"Ah, my young friend," said Lawyer
Roggs, opening one of the papers ho
held in his hand, "your father has here
sworn that he owns this farm and the
stock; if be has sworn to what ain't
true, why, all Mr. Estel has to do Is to
apply to the officers of the law In Den
ver and have him arrested for swin
dling and perjury."
On bearing this EH Taylor groaned
and bis wife covered her face with her
thlij hands.
"I have no more to say about It," said
Tom, going to the door, "only this
that tho man who arrests my father
will undertake a life job, and the man
who carries out our little property
must do so by force."
After Tom bad gone Lena asked:
"Mr. Estel, can't you give us tlmo to
pay you? Father got only arm at your
place. He was not a drunkard nor a
gambler before we came here."
"And I didn't make him one or the
other," said Estel. "But I told him be
fore what I tell you now that is, that
you can say one word that'll free him
from debt and make yourself rich."
"What Is that?" asked Lena, with
forced calmness.
"Be my wife," said Estel, reaching
out his band.
Lena drew back and the color fled
her face. Her simple life bad made her
unconventional, so that she spoke her
mind without any thought of the con
sequences. "Marry you?" she said, ''now could
I do so when I do not love you?"
"But you will learn to love me," ald
Estel.
That Is Impossible."
"Why so?"
"Because I love another.'
"Who Is he?"
"That matters not" be said, with
spirit "you have my answer."
"But I wiU not take 'no for an an
swer. Think over what I have said,
and In one week I shall return; should
you then refuse me I shall take what
Is mine."
With this ultimatum Estel and bis
friend left
Ell Taylor and his wife tried to make
Lena see that It would be to the ad
vantage of all If she accepted Estel's
proposal, but she firmly replied:
"I am ready to die to save either my
father or my mother, but it Is too much
to ask me to sell my soul."
Tom stoutly took bis sinter's side,
and when George Herron returned,
which he did that evening, the told
htm all that had happened and asked
his advice.
"I can help you by giving you the
money," replied the young hunter, "but
my belief Is that these fellows are
thieves and are playing a bluff game;
if so, I think Tom and I can match
them."
"It's this young Herron that Lena's
in love with," said Ell Taylor to his
wife. "If it wasn't for him she'd have
Estel and we could keep the place. I
won't have him about here no longer."
In his blunt way the old man told
George Herron to leave, frankly ex
plaining the reason, and George said
in reply:
"If I cannot help you, Mr. Taylor, I
will not stay In your way."
The next evening, after a long talk
with Lena and her brother, the young
hunter shouldered his rifle and went
away, and Ell Taylor felt that his
property would be now secure, In which
event he compromised with his selfish
ness by promising himself that he
would never get drunk nor gamble
again.
At length tho dreaded day came, and
with It Estel, Roggs and a number of
men they had brought to take posses
sion of the place.
They found Lena even more deter
mined than before, for she positively
refused to speak to Estel in the house.
"Will you speak to me outside?" he
asked.
"Yes; on the bridge over Quicksand
Creek," she replied. This was the
bridge on the road leading from the
farm to Canyon City, and the stream
which it spanned was filled with the
quicksand that makes traveling in that
region such a terror.
Fearing some harm, Estel's friends
followed at a distance, and the moment
he stood on the bridge with Lena they
saw a young man In hunter's garb ap
pear at the other end. They heard
this young man cry out: "We meet at
last, Belman!"
Estel seemed frozen with terror;
after a few seconds be laid his band
on the bridge railing and leaped over,
his object being escape, but he found
himself In the remorseless grasp of the
quicksands.
. Roggs and others ran up only to see
Estel or "Belman," for these were
only a few of his names, disappearing.
"That wretch," said George Herron,
pointing to the stream, "murdered and
robbed my father two years ago In
Salt Lake City. I have been looking
for him ever since, but I bold you to
witness that he died by his own act."
With their champion gone Roggs and
his companions bad no further Inter
est In his case. EH Taylor was never
troubled again. He changed bis hab
its and made over bis farm to his son,
though he thinks that his son-in-law,
George Herron, Is quite as fine a fel
low as Tom. New York Ledger.
Ancient Symbolism of the Glove.
In the history of dress the position of
the glove Is unique. There was a time
when the glove was an emblem of con
fidence. Forming a part of the regal
habit, It became a badge of rank. In
the Middle Ages the ceremony of In
vestiture in conferring dignities or be
stowing lands was consummated by the
giving of a glove. Likewise, the depri
vation of gloves was a ceremony of
degradation. .Then, too, It was the cus
tom to give gloves in payment of rent,
the gloves being accepted as a guaran
tee of a retainer's service, which was
the chief condition of tenure. On the
Scotch border the glove held a high
place as a gage. Here a glove borne on
the point of a lance proclaimed an act
of perfidy. Biting the glove was a sign
of hostile Intent and the rsual prelude
to a quarrel. Throughout the history
of dress they are found symbolical of
pledges, gages, gifts or favors. Gloves
also form part of burial rites, and Were
carried In funeral processions until the
middle of the eighteenth century. When
a maiden died it was the custom to
place In the center of the garland which
was borne on her coffin a pair of white
gloves a symbol of virginity and Inno
cence. Woman's Home Companion.
Cabby's Revenge.
A stipendiary magistrate In a town
In Yorkshire who was not given to err
on the side of leniency once had before
him a cab driver who was charged with
furious driving. After some severe
comments on the man's conduct a
heavy fine was imposed.
. A few days after the trial the magis
trate, who had been detained rather
longer than usual In the court, was hur
rying along to catch his train, when,
seeing an empty cab handy, he balled
the driver and directed him to proceed
to the station, telling him that he was
pressed for time. The driver, however,
heedless of the bint kept to a very gen
tle trot
"I say, I say, my man," exclaimed the
fare, with his bead out of the window,
"drive faster than this."
"It can't be done, sir," replied the driv
er. "Ye see, if we drives faster we're
had up afore the beak, and we gets
fined; so we has to be careful."
He did not alter his pace and neither
did the "beak" catch bis train. London
Tid-Blts.
Feathered Surgeon.
Some Interesting observations on the
treatment of wounds of birds have
been made by a writer who tells of a
snipe both of whose legs he bad un
fortunately broken by a misdirected
shot He recovered the bird only the
next day, when he discovered that the
poor thing had contrived to apply a
dressing of down and a sort of splint to
each leg. A ligature of grass had been
used to wind many times around the
wounded parts, and was securely fas
tened by coagulated blood. Twice the
writer has brought home snipe with In
terwoven feathers strapped on one or
the other leg, which undoubtedly bad
been broken.
Strange.
Mr.Crlmsonbeak Did you ever think
what a funny thing a lemon Is?
Mr. Crlmsonbeak Why funny?
"You know how sour it Is?"
"Oh, yes."
"Well, people take them to make 'em
sing sweetly." Yonkers Statesman.
A Very Clever Yoanjr Lady.
Governess Come, Ethel; It's time for
good little girls to be In bed.
Ethel Yeth, Mlth Morgan; but you
know I have been naughty to-day.
Jeweler's Weekly.
Ulsters and roll-top desks bide a rrea
many things from the public
EUROPE'S HERMIT SOVEREIGN.
Prince of Liechtenstein Ha Been In
visible for Forty Years.
Hidden away in the exquisitely pic
turesque and magnificent castle of Els
grub, In Moravia, an old world ruler
celebrated In solitude the fortieth an
niversary of his accession to the
throne. He Is not Insane. On the con
trary, he Is one of the most Intellect
ually brilliant as well as the most kind
hearted of European sovereigns. Yet
during these forty years he has been
practically Invisible to the world. No
one save his only brother and his confi
dential secretaries and servants know
even what he looks like, and his sub
jects, like the rest of the people on the
continent, can only form conjectures
as to the nature of bis appearance.
This hermit ruler Is the reigning
Trince of Liechtenstein, an independ
ent sovereign, who, theoretically, Is
still in a state of war against Prussia.
For, when, lu 1800. the various sover
eign states of Germany were called
upon to array themselves either on the
side of Austria or of Prussia, the
Trince of Liechtenstein cast In his lot
with Austria, boldly declared war
against Prussia, and put on a war foot
ing his army of about 300 meu.
After the conclusion of the campaign
Prussia concluded peace with the va
rious States that had taken part in
the conflict. -But somehow or other the
principality of Liechtenstein was over
looked or forgotten by Bismarck, and
as If bis attention had been drawn to
the matter It would have resulted In a
demand for indemnities, .the Prince
naturally forebore to call the attention
of Prussia to the neglect. No peace
having been concluded, therefore, b
nvetn the two countries, they ore theo
retically still in a state of war. -
Few people are aware of the reason
for this mysterious seclusion of the
Prince of Liechtenstein, who, In spite
of the smallness of his dominions. Is
one of the very wealthiest rulers of the
world. The fact of the matter Is that
he is n filleted with an Intestinal ail
ment of such a character as debars him
from the society of his f How creatures,
and to render bis tsjlution necessary.
He entertains large parties of guests
at his various castles during the shoot
ing season, and likewise his palace at
Vienna during the .rnlval week. But
while his guests are never permitted
to want for anything, and are simply
overwhelmed with delicate attentions,
they never set eyes on their host
throughout the entire time they are
underneath his roof, and If they have
anything to communicate to him they
must do so by letter. '?
It Is a very sad life, and yet that It
has not rendered the Prince a mis
anthrope Is shown by his boundless
charity and philanthropy and by the
number of his scientific studies and
works which have won for him the
honorary membership of the Imperial
Academy of Science of Austria. He Is
close upon 00 years of age now.
His next heir is his brother, I"rancls,
now Austrian ambnssador at St. Pe
tersburg, and who will succeed not
only to his vas,t estates, but likewise
to his sovereignty of Liechtenstein and
to his dukedom of Troppau.-St. Louhj
Globe-Democrat.
Typical Heroism.
This timely note Is to be found In the
Century: It Is true that tho prepared
ness for war on the part of the Span
iards was greater In proportion to tho
strength of the two nations than tho
preparedness of the United States. In
cases where we actually hud a stronger
armament, the great disproportion of
loss, and the comparative Ineffective
ness of the Spanish arms, of course re
dound to the credit of this country.
The strength of America being, how
ever, so preponderant, and on some oc
casions our armament being so much
more powerful, it Is fortunate that
there were occasions for many heroic
nets on the part of Americans that
were In the nature of "forlorn hopes."
Among these the most conspicuous la
the case of the crew of the Meriimac.
Though the Immediate object of the
sinking of the collier was not accom
plished, no event of the war afforded
greater proof of the high morale of tho
entire nnvy, officers and men alike. The
desire of officers and seamen to partici
pate In what must have looked like an
Inevitable sacrifice of limb or life Is
not the least Interesting and, Indeed,
pathetic part of Lieut. Hobson's thrill
ing narrative. The fact that so many
stood ready to engage In the perilous
duty, while it does not take a slnglo
leaf from the laurels of those who act
ually took part In the mnneuver, makes
the heroism of the officer and crew of
the Merrlmac significantly typical.
In Madrid During the War.
An amusing account Is given In the
Century of the experiences of "An
American In Madrid During the War."
The writer, Mr. Edraond Kelly, was
called from Paris to the Spanish cap
ital at the outbreak of the war on bus
iness of urgent Importance. Fortu
nately, as he thought, he spoke French
fluently and had a Paris address; and
his principal disguise was "a foulard
cravat which Frenchmen tie lu a loose
Ikw like that In which our grandmoth
ers tied their bonnet-strings fifty years
ago." The Spanish charge d'affaires at
Paris gave him no encouragement.
There was risk of being arrested as a
spy, and treated accordingly. Mr. Kelly
found bis Invasion of hostile territory
so easy, however, as to be positively
humiliating. He spent seven weeks In
Madrid, suffering little or no annoy
a nee.
Origin ol Ce meter leu.
In ancient times burials were always
outside the walls of a city or town. In
deed, before the time of Ciirlstlnnlty It
was not lawful to bury the dead within
the limits. About the end of the sixth
century St Augustine obtained of King
Ethi'lbert a temple of Idols-used by
the king before his conversion and
made a burying place of It, and St.
Cuthbert afterward obtained leave of
the Pope (A. D. 752) to have yards
made to the churches suitable for the
burial of ibe dead.
The Cause.
Asklns What has caused the change
In MaJ. Stiff's appearance of late? He
uved to look like one born to command.
Grlmshaw-IIe Is married now, and
has made the discovery that be wasn't
born for any sucb purpose. Puck.
Rome people's Idea of hospitality Is
to give guests an opportunity to takf
a chance In a raffle of some kind.
ERRONEOUS IMPRESSIONS.
The Average Man Knows Very Little
About the True Indian.
We cannot deal with the Indian of to
day unless we know the Indian of yes
terday. The average man seldom
I thinks about Indians, and when he does
be thinks of them either with entire
Indifference or with contemptuous dis
like. He is moved in part by that nar
rowness which leads us to despise those
who in appearance or by birth or tra
dition are different from ourselves
the feeling which leads many a white
' man to speak with contempt of negroes
or Chinamen. More weighty than this
feeling, however, is the inherited one
that the Indian Is an enemy, who from
the time he was first known has been
I hostile to us. Even nowadays most
people seem to think of the Indian only
t as a warrior, who Is chiefly occupied In
killing women and children, burning
i homes and torturing captives. From
, the days when they fought the Pilgrim
Fathers, and then tho settlers of the
Ohio Valley, and later still the cml-
' grants crossing the plains, nine-tenths
of all that has appeared in print about
; Indians has treated them from this
point of view; and the newspapers
which now constitute so great a por
tion of the reading matter of the Araor
lean public, seldom print anything
about the Indians except In connection
with massacres and uprisings. The ef
fect of all tills literature on the popu
lar estimation in which the Indian is
held has been very great.
The popular Impressions are entirely
erroneous. The Indian was a fighter,
yet war was only an incident of his life.
Like any other human being he is many
sided, and he did not always wear his
war paint. If he has a repulsive as
pect, there are other sides of his char
acter, and some of them pleasing. If
from one point of view he may appear
to the civilized man ferocious and hate
ful, from another he seems kindly and
helpful. The soldier sees the Indian
from one point of view only, the uiiu
slonnry from another, the traveler from
a third, the agent from a fourth. Each
of these is impressed by some salient
) feature of his character, yet each sees
that one only or chiefly and the image
I shown is imperfect, 111-proportloned
and misleading. Atlantic.
Humidity on th Wabash.
"Talking about rainy weather," said
the Westerner, "I remember once out
in Indianapolis meeting a farmer who
took the most cheerful view of dnmp-
( ness of anybody I ever saw. I asked
, htm If they had much rain down on the
Wabash that spring.
" 'Well, it has been a little damp,' he
answered. 'The day before I left home
I had to hang up twenty-four of my
ducks. They had got so water soaked
. that they couldn't swim any longer. I
I planted my corn In two feet of water,
and I don't expect over thirty bushels
I to the acre. My wheat is looking pret
ty well, but the sturgeon and catfish
have damaged It considerable. There
was about fifteen minutes' sunshine one
i day, and I thought I would plant my
! potatoes, so I loaded them on a scow
and anchored the scow In three feet of
water, when It began to rnln again.
" 'I wanted to go down on the bottom
lands next to the Wabash to see If the
grass was growing for my hay crop,
but my wife said that as we didn't have
any diving bell she'd rather I wouldn't.
I should feel kind of discouraged with
all rain, but I've spent my odd hours of
leisure time and the even ones, too, on
account of staying In out of the wet
bulldlug us an ark. If It will only rain
another week or two until I get her
ready to sail I'm going to take my fam
ily out to Missouri by water for a trip
to visit our folks that moved off out
there because they didn't know enough
to stay in a place where they were com
fortable.' "Boston Eveulng Tran
script What Two nutlets Did,
On the cot beside that of Edwards
lay a rough rider, Waiter S. Beebe, an
other fever victim and twice wound
ed, a cut through tho arm on July 1,
and a revolver bullet In the left leg on
July 2.
"It's only a couple of weeks," said
Beebe, "since they got thnt bullet out
of me. They located It at Inst with the
X rays. Hero It Is. Seel It's my opln
Ion that bullet came from one of our
own six-shooters. It was all foolish
ness, the ruckles way the boys shot off
their revolvers In tho charge.
"To show you the queer things some
of those bullets did I'll tell you a thing
I saw In the Las Guasimas fight. There
was a niun near me as we went along
who stopped to break off a stick In the
shrub. I guess he wanted to mako a
ramrod of it. If he hadn't stopped he
might never have been killed, but Just
as he had broken the stick mid was
twisting the last fibers apart a Mauser
bullet went straight through-his head
and ho dropped to his knees. His hands
still clutched the branch he was break
ing, and, as ho knelt there, another
bullet came and cut through the brok
en wood, bo that he held his ramrod
free. He had got what he stopped for,"
-Leslie's Weekly.
The African's Kmluranca.
Two eases notably Illustrative of tho
African native's power of endurance
are reported from the British Central
Africa Protectorate. In each Instance
a niun was dragged from his canoe Ly
a crocodile, and had an arm bitten al
most to a pull). The men had to be
taken long distances overland. On
reaching Zomba each had the Injured
limb amputated and qtickly recovered.
Dr. Douglas Gray, acting chief medical
officer there, remarks further In his re
port upon the growing confidence of
the native In the EuroiM-au medicos.
Reports of cures more especially In re
lation to surgery sprcud rapidly
1 among the natives, and the one old
' cure a fiber band tied round a limb
above the seat of disease Is, he says,
1 fast losing Its reputation. Loudon
I Kew'
Widows in the Treasury Department
J Lots of the treasury girls at Wash
ington are wuiows. iiumrreus oi them
are old uiaidx, and several thousand are
sweet marriageable gliis, with pretty
faces, good hearts and a high grade of
culture and education. Many of them
.wt tmtrnr twit n nl rnnrrn la tm tntU
ers, not a few are the widows of noted
soldiers and statesmen and all are far
above the average of their sex tho Uni
ted States over. Many have traveled
widely.
J A black eye Indicates a revengeful
I nature -on the part of Ue other fellow,
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF
VARIOUS HUMORISTS.
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over Say inga that Are Cheer
fnl to Old or Young Fanny
Selections that Ton Will Enjoy.
Questions of Valne.
He knew that she was a clever busi
ness woman, and therefore he thought
bis scheme a good one. But he did not
realize that she was such a good Judge
of values.
"I have made a bet that I will marry
you," he said.
"Money up?" she asked.
"Yes," he answered, pleased at the
businesslike way she took hold of the
proposition.
"How much?"
"Five hundred dollars."
She looked him over critically.
"Too low," she said at last. "You'll
have to get it raised to $5,000 or you'll
lose." '
And at that, as she afterward ex
plained, she was giving bim a bargain
day price. Chicago Post
ExcesBlve Politeness,
Customer-I haven't any change with
me this morning; will you trust mo roi
a postage stamp until to-morrow?
Drug Clerk-Certainly, Mr. Jones.
Customer But suppose I should get
killed, or "
Drug Clerk rray don't speak of It,
Mr. Jones. The loss would be but a
trifle.
The Artist's Model.
-Judy.
A Detrimental Craze.
"The doctor says that Aunt Jose
phine has a thcrmonietcr-cough."
"Thermometer-cough? What's that?"
"W'liy, the kind of cough women get
by chasing out on a cold piazza, every
hour or so, to see how the thermometer
stands." ruck.
The Ailment.
"What appears to be the matter with
your father?" Inquired the doctor, as he
hastily put his clothes on.
"He's got tho plumbago," replied tho
boy. "I think that's what maw says
it is."
'Tain in the small of the back, I pre
sume," said the doctor.
"No, sir, he hain't got no small of the
back. My paw weighs 284 pounds."
Chicago Post
The Result.
"He thought his plays would elevate
the stage."
"And they merely depress tho pub
lic." Syracuse Star.
Heard in the Kitchen,
"The tea kettle seems to be quite a
singer," said the nutmeg grater. "It
beats me, my voice is so rough."
"Me, too," replied the rolling pin; "I
enn't get beyond dough." New York
Evening Sun.
I'oetlcal Knit.
"Charlie's girl seems to be somewhat
kittenish." ,
"Well, you know, he always was a
great fellow for courting tho mews."
Puck.
A Fhaft that Missed the Mark.
Mrs. Merchant (slyly) Mr. Smart, of
Smart & Howell, has bought his wife a
diamond necklace.
Mr. Merchant Wbnt do you suppose
his customers will think of his preten
sions to low prices now? Jeweler's
Weekly.
His Kiiorinous Circumference.
"It appears that the nearest Gen.
Bbafter could get to the front was a
point three miles away."
"Jericho! I didn't think he wns an
fat as that!" Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Unsophisticated.
"Ray, mammy! Buy me dut?"
"Come on, chile! Come on homo an'
Iluy wif yo' little brother."
Deadly Weapon,
Reporter How did tho prisoner pro
cure the meuns of committing suicide?
Warder A bride gave blm ono of her
first mince pies and be cut his throat
w ith the crust New York World.
Too Much.
"Did your girl give you tho glad
hand."
"Yes, and a mitten with It." Life.
It Does.
Mabel Do you think tho use of slang
by a young woman could ever lead to
profanity?
Abel It might on the part of the man
who beard her. Indianapolis Journal.
(Stated with Precision.
"I suppose," said the admiring friend,
"that you gave a great dual of thought
to that big case you Just won?"
"No," answered tho lawyer; "I never
gave a bit of thought to it But," be
added, reflectively. "I sold a lot."
Washington Star. - t
Fickle Man.
Cholly See that Miss Dashlngton
over there? Young Filklns used to be
dean out of his mind about her.
Dolly And now?
Cholly And now she's clean out of
his mind. San Francisco Examnler.
Romance t. Reality.
"It Is my intention," said a newly
married man, "to have our pictures
taken with my wife's hand on my
shoulder.
"And I," responded another man of
more experience, "am thinking of hav
lng ours taken with my wife's hand on
my poeketbook."
Those Horrid Cabmen.
"What are you putting that bag over
the horse's head for?"
"I don't want him to see what he's
pulling for $1." New York World.
About the Hase of It..
Bachelor I wonder what Induces
men to marry?
Benedict Why, the women, of
course.
Those Loving Girls.
Miss Antiqunte This is a portrait of
my great-grandmother by one of the
old masters.
Miss Caustic Indeed. And the next
one?
Miss Antiqunte The next one Is a
portrait of myself at the age of 7.
Miss Caustic Also by one of the old
masters, I presume.
Fomethlng Unusual.
She Have you noticed. that Mr.
Shortlelgh is paying a good deal of at
tention to Miss Cleverton?
He Yes, and It's tho first time I ever
knew him to pay anything.
Positively Insulting.
"I know the pumpkin plo was rather
thin as to filling," said the landlady,
almost crying, "but I don't think ho
had any right to say what he did."
"What did be say?" asked the second
table boarder.
"He asked me if I didn't think that
tho pie crust would be improved If it
hnd another coat of paint" Washing
ton Star.
Speaking of Done. "
Tho Doer Yes, death stared mo In
the face, and I thought of all I'd done.
Tho Done Noble fellow, to think of
your friends at such a critical moment!
Chicago Tost
Was Heady for It.
Pastor Have you seriously consid
ered the great question of life, Mary?
Girl Parishioner None of the young
men has asked me yet slr.r-New Or
leans Times-Democrat -
Dinner for Two.
Miss Dinah Mrs. Parlor, the great
cooking expert, says ono can get a
splendid dinner for 39 cents.
Jack (who has Just blown lu a week's
salary) There are others!
Pleasant.
Newly Engaged Flo (to bosom friend)
You don't seem a bit curious about
my engagement to Frank. Don't you
want to know how he proposed?
Bosom Friend No; I know how ho
proposes. World's Comic.
Scorn.
"The Smithy bicycle Is unquestion
ably the best."
"Faugh! Why, I keep a Smithy ex
pressly to lend to my frleudH." Detroit
JourniiL
FiiKny.
"Mrs. Blnks seems like a very fussy
woman."
"Fussy? Say, If site built a house
sliu'd Insist upon having all the nail
manicured."-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
An Unhappy Illustration,
Tommy What's an heirloom, auntie?
Ills Old Maid Aunt-Oh, that's a Jew
el or something that's been lu the fam
ily year and years.
Tommy-Auntie, Is your engagement
ring an heirloom?-Jeweler's Weekly.
Overwhelming Dance Favor.
A Connecticut young mini had n favor
conferred upon him at a cotillon tho
other night that nearly paralyzed him.
When the moment came for a favor to
be given blm bis hostess stepped for
ward and presented him with the only
girl of his choice. "Take and keep her,"
sho said,, "she Is yours!" "Ileaveim
ullve!" gasped the happy lover. "Is thin
true?" And then this "only girl," whoso
answer to a certain question he had
asked a month ago, straightway rose
on the tip of her toes, and, lu view of
tho usseuibled company, pressed a
dainty kiss on his mouth, declaring:
"Yes, It Is true."
Then everybody congratulated tho
pair, and the dance went on with a
rush. Boston Herald.
Living on Chocolate,
An li.terestlng test has Just been
made by a Frenchwoman. With a view
to testing the sustaining powers of
chocolute, sho lived on that alone for
sixty days, and lost but fifteen pounds
in the interval.
Her Idea.
He Oh, yes, I can quit smokln-; cig
arettes whenever I want to.
She Why dou't you consult a pbysl
clan and see If he can't give you soiue
thing to make you want to?
B--r Tr . Ml''.