Changed Man.-fc
TIIEY were standlua before n per-1
fumery shop lu Bond street its I !
rtllSSprf thum tnn ttrtnnrr Inilli.a'
or manifestly good society, so refilled
was their appearance and so perfectly
correct their tenure. I could not help
half turning, aud who should they be
but that archtease of a cousin of mine,
Sybil Vane, and her bosom friend,
Gwen O'llara. It was Sybil that had
spoken, nud she said:
"Fancy that little fool throwing her
self away on a man like that when she
knows he only wants her for her
money."
"What little fool and what man?" I
asked, as I raised my hat by way of
apology for the Intrusion.
"Oh, you men! You never know any
thing," said Sibyl, wheu she had recov
ered from the shock my question bad
evidently occasioned.
"Then tell me," I rejoined. "You nev
er have any secrets from me, you know
at least, not for loug."
"Why, Houor Beaumont and Capt.
Faulk Iuer, to be sure."
"Are they engaged to be married?"
"Of course they are, and he hasn't a
penny, while she has n mil-l-lon."
"Well, he's a very handsome fellow,
aud she Is passable."
"They say he cheated at cards, that
he's In everybody's-debt, and Is nothing
short of a mere adventurer. Aud yet
Honor Beaumont has accepted him! I
say it's really too bad of her."
I had known Faulkiner for some
years, and I am bound to say I had
very little to urge In his defense. He
had never been actually caught In any
nefarious proceeding, but It was known
that he had run through most of his
friends, nud that he was wonderfully
lucky at faro, and Hint he was anxious
ly looking for an heiress.
The wedding took place, and about
four months afterward Captain aud
Mrs. Faulkiner were back lu town, ap
parently the happiest people to be
found In all Bclgravlu.
As for Faulkiner, he seemed com
pletely changed. .There was a manli
ness about him that one never noticed
before; his eyes wore n frank expres
sion that was truly refreshing to see.
He was clearly devoted to his wife, and
they seemed to perfectly understand
and trust each other. What could It
nieau?
Gradually I got to really like Faulki
ner. lie made a splendid host, was a
pattern of the domestic virtues, and Im
pressed one as being the soul of honor.
Our acquaintance Anally ripened Into
a close friendship, and the Intimacy de
veloped until at length 1 found myself
how I know not on terms of real
confidence with the man whom, only a
few mouths before, 1 had been Inclined
to look upon very much In- the light In
which he was regarded by my cousin
Sybil.
One evening he expounded the mys
tery. "Shall I tell you the story of our
courtship. Jack?" he asked.
"As you will, my dear fellow," 1 re
plied, "If It Isn't too sacred a subject
for a third party."
"That's Just It It is a sacred subject,
as you will see."
He lit his cigar and proceeded:
"All that the world thought aud said
of me before I was married was true,
and more than true. I was a 'regular
bad lot.' And It Is true also that in pro
posing to Miss Beaumont I was actu
ated by the most mercenary motives,
and those alone.
"All that I wanted was her money
her money, Jack do you hear me? The
world said so, and the world was per
fectly right. I had plans as to what I
would do with It. My chief anxiety
was to prevent her getting any Inkling
of the truth, and so I never ceased to
dance constant attendance on her, and
especially to withdraw her as far as
possible from her lady friends. All went
well until one evening at the Vllllers'
ball she took me to one side, saying:
" 'Fritz' she always called me Fritz
rather than Frank '1 want to speak to
you.'
"What Is It. darling?"
" 'You are not to call me darling any
more till this matter is cleared up.'
"'What matter, dear?'
"'Just this: People are saying that
you are marrying me merely for my
money.' Is that so?'
" 'Of course not. 1 love you for your
self' " 'Stop, stop! I am going to put you
to the proof. You know my solicitors
Messrs. Hopkins & Dicey, in Lincoln's
Innr
" 'Yea.'
" 'Well, meet me there to-morrow at
noon, sharp. And now. good-uight.'
what little fool and what max?
I ASKED.
"Id a moment sue was goue. I passed
a sleepless night, aud with great diffi
culty nerved myself In the morning to
keep the mysterious appointment.
"Old Dicey I call him that because
he Is now one of my dearest friends
received me coldly.
" 'I have been favored. Capt Faulki
ner,' be said, 'with some very extraor
dinary Instructions from my client
our fi ce Mis Beaumont, I must
entirely disclaim all responsibility In
the matter. I have simply given effect
to Miss Beaumont's wishes, and the
flnal Issue of them must rest entirely
with yourself. If you please, we will
go to the adjoining room, where Miss
Beaumont awaits us.'
"We found her seated near a window.
She did not rise, but simply bowed, and
1 saw that her face was pale, and that
It wore an expression of apparent en
forced calm.
"'Fritz. I told you last night that
people are saying that you are marry
ing me merely for my money. It mat
ters little to me now whether they
speak the truth or not. If they do, then,
whether or not you become my hus
baud. Is the light gone out of my life
Indeed. You know, Fritz, how I love
you! If you can have done this cruel
thing nothing can undo it now. If you
have designed to beggar me. under the
pretext of affection, husband or no hus
band, fortune or no fortune, can make
no difference to me. But it shall never
be said that you actually did marry me
" I CLASPED HKB IN MV ARMS AND WE
WEPT TOGETHER."
for my money, and so, Fritz, I have
asked Mr. Dicey to draw up a deed
which which ' And here the poor
darling broke down completely and
could say no more.
" 'The deed, Capt. Faulkiner,' said
Mr. Dicey, with frigid solemnity, 'Is an
uncommon one; I know, Indeed, of no
precedent But It relates that, In con
sideration of Capt. Franals Arthur
Faulkiner, of the Second Life Guards,
relensiug Miss Honor Beaumont, of
Hurtsfleld House, Hertfordshire, from
her engagement to marry him, the said
Miss Honor Beaumont herewith makes
over to the said Capt. Francis Arthur
Faulkiner all her real and personal
property, as scheduled herewith, save
and except the residence known as The
Grove, Isleworth, lu the county of Mid
dlesex, and as much of her Midland
Hallway debenture stock as will suf
fice to provide an annuity of $1,500 a
year.'
"I turned half mechanically to Hon
or. She was still calm and pale, but her
eyes were brimful of tears.
" 'It is Impossible!' I exclaimed. And
Just at that moment something seemed
to struggle within me, for out of the
depths of my sinful heart there came
welling the tiny, feeble remnant of the
little good It ever held.
"I felt as If I could give not only love
but life to that noble woman who had
proposed to herself this mad, this fear
ful sacrifice In order to put to proof the
sincerity of the man she loved. Disre
garding the presence of the mnn of law,
I clasped her In my arms, and we yes,
Jack, we wept together.
"I treasure now that sacred parch
ment which awakened to new life the
little good that was left In me which
aroused the deadened sense of unselfish
love and gave me riches greater far
than my villainy had ever dreamed of.
Do you wonder, Jack, that I am a
changed man?"
And that was the sequel of the con
versation In Bond street
An Inch Irom Death.
A correspondent of the Detroit Free
Press relates a peculiar experience
which happened to a friend of bis dur
ing a stay In Burma.
We were sitting on the veranda of
our bungalow one evening, enjoying
our after-dinner cheroot Finally my
frleud arose and sauntered Into bis
bedroom.
Usually lights were placed In all the
bedrooms, but this evening, for some
reason probably the moonlight the
servant bad not performed bis duties.
1 could bear my friend fumbling about
on bis dressing-table, and then sudden
ly be gave a cry of horror and rushed
out to the light.
"I have been struck by a snake," he
gasped, and his face was deadly pale.
"Where is It? Quick! Show me!" I
exclaimed, as I wb'pped out a knife.
He held out his right arm. There
was no mark on the band, which I ex
amined critically, but on the cuff of the
shirt were two tiny scratch-like punc
tures, and two little globules of poison
sinking Into the starched linen and
leaving a sickly, greenish-yellow mark.
"You've had a close call, old man," I
exclaimed, with a sigh of relief; "and
now let us settle the snake."
We found him coiled up on a small
mirror, which lay on the table, and an
ugly-Iooktng reptile be was, too. ready
to strike again.
He was a very poisonous snake,
known as the Deboae Russelll, but
after my friend bad done with him It
would have been difficult for any oatur
alist to bave placed him In bis proper
genus. .
When a man concludes be Is too smart
to work, be comes to the conclusion
that bas made more thieves than any
other one thing on earth. ,
FARMER WASHINGTON.
Employments In Which Our First Pres
ident Pasted His Declining Years.
"Grandpapa Is very well, and much
leased with being once more Farmer
Washington," wrote Nelly Ctistis.
March 19, 1797, four days after Wash
ington and his family had arrived at
Mount Vernon. John Adams had been
Inaugurated President aud Thomas Jef
ferson Vice-President, and Washington
had been present at the. scene. After
President Adams had delivered his
speech and taken the oath of office, he
retired. Then there was a little scene
which Illustrated Washington's appre
ciation of good form. Vice-President
Jefferson, Instead of retiring from the
hall Immediately after President Ad
ams, waited for the ex-President to fol
low his successor; but Washington, a
master of courtesy, Insisted on the Vice
President's preceding him. Reluctant
ly Jefferson yielded.
John Adams wrote to his wife that
Washington seemed to enjoy a triumph
over him. "Methought I heard him say,
'Ay! I am fairly out and you fairly
In! See which of us will be happiest!'
In the chamber was a multitude and I
believe scarcely a dry eye but Wash
ington's." Farmer Washington began at once re
pairing the Mount Vernon mansion, sur
rounding himself with masons, joiners
and painters. He wrote to his old friend,
Oliver Wolcott:
"To make and sell a little flour nnnu
ally, to repair houses (going fast to
ruin), to build one for the security of my
papers of a public nature, and to amuse
myself In agriculture and rural pur
suits, will constitute employment for
the few years I have to remain on this
terrestrial globe."
"I begin my diurnal course with the
sun," he writes to his former Secretary
of War, James Mcllenry; "If my hire
lings ore not In their places at that
time I send them messages of sorrow
for their Indisposition. Having put
these wheels in motion, I examine the
state of things further; the more they
are probed, the deeper I find the wouuds
which my buildings have sustained by
an absence and neglect of eight years.
"By the time I have accomplished
these matters breakfast (a little after
seven o'clock) is ready; this being over,
I mount my horse and ride round my
farms, which employs me until it Is
time to dress for dinner, at which I
rarely miss seeing strange faces, come
as they say out of respect for me. Tray
would not the word curiosity answer as
well? And how different this from
having a few social frleuds at a cheer
ful board!
"The usual time of sitting at table, a
walk and tea, bring me within the dawn
of candlelight; previous to which, If
not prevented by company, I resolve
that, as soon as the glimmering taper
supplies the place of the great luminary,
I will retire to my writing table and
acknowledge the letters I have receiv
ed; but when the lights are brought I
fec-1 tired and disinclined to engage In
this work, conceiving that the next
night will do as well. The next night
?omes, and with It the same causes for
postponement, and so on. Having given
you the history of a day, It will serve
for a year."
"At no period of my life," he writes
again, "have I been more engaged than
In the last six or eight months."
Housekeepers will appreciate this la
ment: "The running off of my cook (a
slave) has been a most inconvenient
thing to this family, and what rendered
It more disagreeable Is that I had re
solved never to become the master of
another slave by purchase, but this res
olution I fear I must break. I have
ndenvored to hire, black or white, but
m not yet supplied."
THE FATHER'S SHOT.
How England's Postmaster General,
Henry Fawcett, Lost His Kyes.
" 'Never mind, father, blindness shall
not interfere with my success In life,'
said the young law student Henry
Fawcett, when bis father reproached
himself for carelessly destroying all his
son's prospects of advancement.
"One pleasant day In 1858 the two
had gone bunting together. A flock of
partridges flew over a fence where the
father hod no right to shoot; but as he
was moving forward, they flew back
toward his son. The father, so eager
to bring down a bird that he did not
think of his son's danger, fired. Several
shots entered Henry's breast, and one
went through each glass of a pair of
spectacles he wore. In an Instant he
was stone blind for life.
"But within ten minutes from the
time of the accident which deprived
him of eyesight forever this boy of Iron
nerve had determined that even blind
ness should not swerve blm from his
purpose.
" 'Will you read the newspaper to
me? were his first words to his sister
when they carried him home.
"He was obliged to abandon law, but
be began the study of political economy
with a zeal rarely equaled, meanwhile
having friends read to him In his mo
ments of leisure the works of Milton,
Burke, Wordsworth, all of George
Eliot's novels, and a wide course of
general literature, for he was deter
mined that bis blindness should not
limit the breadth of his culture."
From "Success," by Orison Marden.
Advantages of Worrying a Little.
Don't Join a Don't Worry Club. Don't
try not to worry a little. While con
tentment Is a pleasing virtue, the peo
ple you know who are contented would
be better off If they worried more. Ab
solute contentment and Indifference to
the possible troubles of to-morrow will
lead any one to the poor house. The
cow doesn't worry, neither does the
clam; but people are built to worry, and
It was Intended that they should. On
the other hand, If you worry much It
will land you In the Insane asylum. It
Is the Insane asylum on the one band
and the poor farm on the other. The
point Is to worry just enough to keep
out of both of them. Atchison Globe.
The World's Wheat King-.
The wheat king of the world resides
In Argentina, according to the Boston
Traveler. He Is an Italian emigrant'
named Goazone, and bis broad acres
are situated In the south of the prov
ince of Buenos Ayres. His crop occu
pies an area of 00,270 acres. He num
bers bis workmen by the thousand, and
each one receives a certain share of the
profits. When bis season's crop Is bar
Tested be fills over 3.000 rail war tracks
with the jraln. ., J
SHARKS EATING A DEAD WHALE
Swarms of f ea Wolves Mysteriously
Learn of a Banquet.
The presence of any large quantity of
easily obtainable food is always suffi
cient to secure the undivided attention
of the shark tribe. When "cutting In"
whales at sea I have often been amazed
at the Incredible number of these crea
tures that gather in a short space of
time, attracted by some mysterious
means, heaven only knows from what
remote distance It has often occurred
to us when whaling In the neighborhood
of New Zealand to get a sperm whale
alongside without a sign of a shark be
low or a bird above. Within an hour
from the time of our securing the vast
mass of flesh to the ship the whole area
within at least an acre has been alive
with a seething multitude of sharks,
while from every quarter come drifting
silently an incalculable host of sea
birds, converting the blue surface of
the sea Into the semblance of a plain
of new-fallen snow.
The body of a whale before an Incis
ion Is made In the blubber presents ns
smooth, rounded surface, almost rts
hard as India rubber, with apparently
no spot where any daring eater could
find toothhold. But, oblivious to all
else save the Internal anguish of desire,
the ravenous sea wolves silently writh
ed In the density of their hordes for a
place at the bounteous feast. Occasion
ally one pre-eminent among his fellows
for enterprise would actually set his
lower jaw against the black roundness
of the mighty carcass and with a
steady, sinuous thrust of his lithe tall,
gouge out therefrom a mass of a hun
dredweight or so. If he managed to
get away with It the space presented a
curious corrugated hollow where the
serrated, triangular teeth had worried
their way through the tenacious sub
stance, telling plainly what vigorous
force must have been behind them.
But it was seldom that we permitted
such premature toll to be taken from
our spoils.
The hnrpooners and the officers from
their lofty positions on the cutting stage
slew scores upon scores by simply
drooping their keen-edged blubber
spades upon the soft crowns of the
struggling fish, the only place where a
shark Is vulnerable to Instant death.
The weapon sinks Into the creature's
brain, he gives a convulsive writhe or
two, releases his hold and slowly sinks,
followed In his descent by a knot of his
Immediate neighbors, all anxious to pro
vide him with prompt sepulture within
their own yawning maws. National
Review.
He He id the Signs.
The old-time romp and Caesar, who
flourished before the civil war, knew
many'of the secrets of the families they
served. One old colored man tells with
much delight the story of the courtship
of his present employer, then his "young
mas'r."
"I never fought nuffln' 'bout his
gwlne co'tin' nny ob de Carr'l or de
Pomeroy young ladles," says the old
man. "He use to bo back and fo'th, In
and out de Carr'l and Pomeroy houses,
Jess like he belong dnr.
"And when he'd go a-calliu' In de
evenin', and I'd sny, 'Mas'r Tom, don'
yon like to ohnnge de boots you wore
all day, and put on dese nice shined
ones?' he'd laugh like he was mighty
'mused, and sny, 'Dat ain't de end I
wants to shine, Pomp!'
"But fln'lly, one day, I got to hear
'bout a Miss Lothrop from de Norf dat
was visltln' de Cnrris; aud one night
young mas'r he dress up all flue, and
den he look down at his boots, w'nt
shone like a glass, and he say, 'Pomp,
Is dat de bes' shine you can gib my
boots?'
"And I look nt him sober and say,
'Mas'r Tom, dat ain't de end you wants
to shine, you done told me over'n over
again.'
"And de red come up In his face, and
he say, 'I reckon If I shine at bofe ends
all I can, I won't be too bright fo' some
folks.'
"So ob course I saw how t'ings were,
and when de 'gagemcnt came out two
weeks after dat, It wasn't no mo than I
Jess nachelly looked for."
Oldest Church In Europe.
The oldest church In Europe Is that of
St. Pudenzlana, at Rome. About the
middle of the first century a certain
Roman senator had a house on this
spot. He was a Christian convert, and
it Is said a distant relative to St. Paul,
who lodged with him from A. D. 41 to
50. For the religious uses of himself
and guests, he built a small chapel In
this house, and when he died in 90, and
his wife a year later, his daughter add
ed a baptistry. A church was after
ward erected on the site of the original
house of Pudens, and consecrated In
108 or 145. Canon Routledge, In his
history of St. Martin's church, Canter
bury, claims that that venerable edifice
la the oldest church In Christendom.
He describes It as occupying the unique
position of l)elng the only existing
church that was originally built as a
church during the first four centuries,
and has remained a church till the
present day. Its font Is the very one
in which Ethelbert was baptized by
St Augustine, as mentioned by the
Venerable Bede. Tld-Bits.
Present llulers of Knrope.
Of the present rulers of European
empires and kingdoms only one-thlri1
ascended the throne by direct heredi
tary rights. Out of the seventeen reign
ing emperors and kings only Ave are
sons of previous rulers. These are la
Prussia, Saxony, Italy, Belgium and
Servla. In Sweden, Portugal, Bavaria
and Turkey brothers of the former sov
ereigns occupy the thrones, while In
Austria, Wurteniberg and England a
nephew and niece of the previous
reigning uncle and aunt are In power.
In Russia the crown prince's death
caused bis brother's succession to the
throne.
Arct'o and Antarctic Icebergs.
The Icebergs of the two hemisphere
are entirely different In shape. The Arc
tic bergs are Irregular In form, with
lofty pinnacles and glittering domes,
while the Antarctic bergs are flat-top
ped and solid looking.
Every one occasionally yields to th
temptation to give more than he can
afford. In order to be known as a Lovely
Character.
The tongue 1 about the only muzzle
loadlDg weapon that hasn't been dl
axded
IMAGES IN DEAD EYES.
Scientific Experiments Give Kise to
Absurd Stories.
The popular notion that the eyes of
the dead sometimes retain complete Im
ages of scenes that have leen enacted
before them at the moment of death
has received fancied confirmation In
late years by experiment, and there
ere some who, from reading careless or
' aVnVITUI'Qlfwl Oninimfo r.f time. nv. At
tuents, might get an Impression that
science had placed upon this notion the
stamp of approval. The following note
from the Lancet (London) gives us the
rery small modicum of truth that Is the
basis of all such stories. It says:
"Under the title of 'In Dead Eyes,' an
evening contemporary recently made a
statement which carries its own confu
tation with It. It Is to the effect, that a
physician aud enthusiastic photograph
er, being desirous of testing the amount
of truth In the theory that dead eyes
retain complete Images, had carefully
examined the eyes of hundreds of dead
people, and, though he had never seen
anything like a distinct picture mirror
ed he had certainly distinctly traced
both letters and objects on the his of
the eye, and that when the photographic
test was applied these Images became
visible. In .one case a capital letter of
peculiar form was shown which could
be traced to a testament held In the
hands shortly before death. In another
case a numeral was distinctly pictured,
which was traced to n clock face in the
room. The article In question contin
ues: 'The chief scientific paper of
France only' the other day gave full
particulars of n case where a woman
who died in one of the hospitals had
two numbers, 10 and 45, mirrored In the
Iris of her eyes.'
"These absurd stories originate In the
well-known experiments of Kuhne on
the visual purple of the retina, In the
course of which he showed that by
making special arrangements the cross
bars of a window focused on the retina
could be brought into relief. The en
thusiastic photographer, If he be not
misquoted, ought to have known that
no well-defined Images of the externa?
world are cast upon the Iris and none,
therefore, could be preserved. The sur
face of the Iris Is far too uneven to net
as a mirror. Moreover, as no arrange
ments were made to prevent the fur
ther action of light after death, they
would, If formed, be certainly obliter
ated ns the Imago on a photographic
plate would be If permanently exposed.
The only mode In which an Image Im
pressed on the retina could be rendered
visible would be to adopt the method of
Kuhne, namely, by exposing the eye
previously kept in the dark for a minute
or two to an Illuminated object, then ex
tirpating It, opening It, and immediately
plunging It into a solution of alum.
The Image develops In the course of
twenty-four hours." Literary Digest.
No Shooting Allowi d.
Thanks to wise and stringent regula
tions, no shooting Is nllowed within the
boundaries of the Yellowstone Nation
al Park. The result, says an English
tourist, Is charming. Hundreds of lit
tle chipmunks, with their gaudy striped
backs, scampered Impudently about or
peered at the passing coach from the
roadside. The squirrel did not bolt for
the nearest tree, but nodded a wel
come. All bird life treated us likewise.
Even the lordly eagle hovered near,
and the wild turkey stalked uncon
cernedly through the rank grass. We
were fortunate enough to see a fine
specimen of the wolf tribe. He stood,
a beautiful creature, nnd watched us
out of sight, showing only curiosity,
not fear. Another time wo perceived a
doe aud fawn grazing by the road.
Not until we were within a few feet
did they seek the shelter of the woods,
yet not to fly. They simply moved
aside. Here, nt least, man was regard
ed as n friend one who could bq trust
ed. The only animal who ran away
was a brown bear. He turned tail at
the sight of a coaching party, yet It
was quite a common thing for bears to
approach close to the hotels at evening
to feed on the refuse thrown out. It
was nn after-dinner relaxation for the
guests to watch them feeding. They
munched and disputed the choicest
morsels for the most part Indifferent
to the company. Only when we be
enme Inquisitive nnd approached too
near did they retire nnd these animals
were perfectly free nnd unfettered In
their movements. It may read like a
fairy tale, but It Is solid fact.
Anticipating tho Km press.
The salient point to note In the follow
ing story, now creating much amuse
ment In the Old World, Is the striking
resemblance Germany's Kaiser bears
to less Illustrious husbands In his quick
ness to explain, excuse and moke
amends for a shortcoming before his
wife has a chance to question him
about It
Not long before he started on his Jour
ney to the Holy Land he paid an unex
pected morning visit to the Austrian
ambassador, Herr von Szogyeny-Mar-Ich,
and after seating himself comfort
ably Innn armchair, his majesty said:
"Come and have a chat."
The conversation which followed was
most entertaining, and when the Em
peror thought of the time, ho suddenly
Jumped up, looked at his watch, and ex
claimed: "I didn't know It was so late! Have
you a telephone? I must say good-by to
tho Empress, as I have only Just time
to catch the train for the maneuvers."
The ambassador offered to do tho tele
phoning, but the Emperor Insisted ujon
doing the ringing and the helloing him
self.. Then, speaking to the Empress,
he said:
"Don't be angry, dear. I chatted too
long with Kzogyeny, nnd must drive di
rect to the station, so I cannot give you
my parting kiss, for which I am sorry.
Good by, dear."
Worn n Workers.
There are In Germany no less than
2,000 women marble workers, 379 fem
inine blacksmiths, 309 potticoatod ma
sons, 147 female tinners, besides CO
roadmakers, C3 slaters, 19 clockmak
ers, 7 armorers, all of the gentler sex,
also 3 lady chimney sweepers, and a
number of quarrywoinen and female
workers In sewers.
I'ay-IUill of C o umbus' Crews.
The bills of payment of the crews
who composed the caravels of Christo
pher Columbus on his expedition for
the discovery of America were recently
discovered In the archives of the Span
ish navy.
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND
INGS HERE AND THERE.
DO-
Jokes and Jokelcta that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born Sayings
and Doings that A re Odd. Curious and
Laughable-The Week's Humor.
I.np. '
The Eskimo girl shivered.
"What, sit on the ground?" she ex
claimed, evincing much confusion.
"Why, the very idea! And right before
everybody? Te, he!"
All this in Lapland, where the modest
maiden has obviously to be especially
careful what she does, lest she get her
self talked about. Detroit Journal.
Up to Date.
"No," said the positive girl, "I will
never tie myself down to one man."
"Perhaps," he replied, sarcastically,
"if I organize a syndicate you will con
sider our offer." Good Housekeeping.
Near Relationship,
Clarence Algy claims to be directly
related to Lord Llttlehoad.
Ethel Dear met How is that?
Clarence Why, the, same girl prom
ised to be a sister to both of them!
Golden Silence.
A mnn who once met Ralph Waldo
Emerson nt the house of a friend tells
of the characteristic way In which the
Concord philosopher blunted the edge
of a compliment.
"Oh, Mr. Emerson," said a young
woman of tho party, "It must be so de
lightful to know thnt people nil over
the country are grateful for the things
you have said!"
"Thank you," snld Emerson slowly;
"but It Is for some of the things I have
not said that I feel most grateful."
Youth's Companion.
A New Monopoly,
Hard fax Hello, Honeydew! Haven't
seen you lu nn age. What are you do
lug now?
Honeydew I'm living In Chicago, try
ing to make nn honest living.
"Well, old boy, you ought to succeed.
You haven't any competition." Life.
Alluring.
Wife A few of us enthusiastic bicy
clists In this pnrt of the city have or
ganized a little soclnl dub for the win
ter. Can't you suggest some appropri
ate name?
Husband Call It the 'Toddlers' Un
ion." Art.
Guest That's a very fine picture, Mr.
I'ncklnham. "
Mr. Packlnhnm Well, It ought to be.
I paid $50 for the frame alone.
A Generous Soul.
Mrs. Wiggins John, what on earth
are you saving up all those old broken
bottles for? Why don't you have the
girl dump them Into tho garbage can?
Mr. Wiggins Those, my dear, are for
charity. I got to talking to the glass
eater In one of the museums the other
day, and he told me that he had hard
work keeping body and soul together on
his salary, so I'm going to give him a
basketful of that stuff for a Christmas
present.
A Good Kign.
"By George! there Is an office holder
who must really be nn honest mnn."
"Why do you think he Is honest?"
"There Is no talk of running him for
a second term In order thnt he may bo
vindicated." Clevelnnd Leader.
Hard I'nzzle to Solve,
"Are you good at working out puz
zles?" "No, Indeed. I have been married
twenty years, and my wife Is as much
of an enigma to mo as ever." Ohio
State Journal.
Just Killed the Hill.
The Heiress The mnn I marry must
be very handsome, afraid of nothing,
nnd clever. Money's no object to me.
Mr. Broke Doesn't It look like fate
that we should have met?
Another Way to Go,
"Miss inland er I know what I
want to say, but or I don't know how
to express myself," began Mr. Homo
wood. "Express yourself, Mr. Home wood,"
Miss inland cut In, "won't the railroad
people let you travel as a flrst-clnss
passenger?" Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
A Fnturs Diplomat,
Little Harry Do you believe In Santa
Glaus?
Little Frankle You bet. I wouldn't
git half as ninny things for Christmas
if I didn't.
Knew Their significance.
Henry Peck It's curious that In se
lecting war Jewelry men favored cart
ridges and women swords.
Mrs. Henry Peck Not at all! The
sword Is the weapon of command! The
Jewelers' Weekly.
An Unfortunate Interference.
DIddereau Did you attend the lec
ture of Prof. Hardhead on "Grip, a
Maludy of the Imagination?"
Blddereau He did not lecture.
"Why not?"
"Down with the grip." New York
Weekly. , , , , , ,
'
Fnch n Chance for fhowing Off.
Laura I never wished but once that
It was proper for women to smoke.
Flora Good gracious! When was
Ithnt?
"When I first got an engagement
ring."-Cinclnuatl Enquirer.
A Holiday Reflection.
"A Christmas tree is a good deal like
a wife."
"How's that?" i J
"It's the trimmings that cost."
Off the Same Piece.
"What did Dr. Dingus sny about these
Insanity tests with the thumb?"
. "He said they were only another form
of Insanity."
A Creditable Start.
"Do you thiuk the United States will
bo handsomely represented at Paris?"
"Why not? Our commissioner general
Is very good looking."
An Economical Version.
She What do you mean by giving me
an Imitation Russia leather pocketbook?
He Imitation is the slucerest flattery,
Is it not?
Subtle.
"What a nickname," said one chum to
another as they walked down the ave
nue. "Why under the broad canopy did
you ever take to calling her 'Re
venge?' "
"Because she's so sweet, don't you
know."
A Poor Shot.
"Don't be too hard on him now," re
marked one club man to another, "he
assures me In the most positive manner
that he always nlms to tell the truth."
"Well, I'll be chnrltable, but if that
fellow always alms to tell the truth, I
Just want to sny that he's a worse shot
than any Spaniard that ever went to
war."
Confirmed.
"Do you have nny faith In this Idea
that maladies enn be transmitted by
kissing?" asked one of Detroit's young
society men of another.
"Well, sir, I was mighty skeptical till
the other night. I kissed my best girl
for the first time In my life nnd I've had
palpitation of the heart ever since."
Paved Her Conscience.
"What do you think of your new
neighbors?" asked the hostess of the
"sweet" old lady who was calling.
"You know that I never speak un
kindly of nny one. I have nothing to
sny of her; but I will say of her husband
that I feel very, very sorry for him."
A Winning; Wny.
Algy Well, old boy, I've Just touched
Reggy for another tenor.
Chappie What! And got It? How
on earth do you do It?
Algy Oh, It's very easy. I Just casu
ally mention his resemblance to the
Prince of Wales. Tld-Bits.
Base outrage, presumably perpetrated
by a rival tradesman. Ally Sloper.
A Great Discovery. j
Mrs. Rend Isn't It strange?
Mr. Read What, my dear?
Mrs. Read Thero never yet has been
a strike In an alarm clock factory,.
Jewelers' Weekly.
The Difference.
"After all, what's the difference be
tween fame and notoriety?"
"When tho crowds see a famous mnn
approaching they whisper, 'Hero ho
comes,' but when tho notorious man ap
pears they say, 'Get on to 'Iin!' "
Exactly,
"I think," snld the civilized states
mnn, "that wo had better nrronge for a
Joint administration of your unhappy
country."
"I think I understand," said the na
tive. "It Is something like you would
administer a Joint of mutton; you get
tho meat and leave mo the Joint." In
dlunnpolls Journal.
More Trouble.
Mrs. Teck There goes n man that
you might well envy.
Henry Why? He's married, Isn't he?
A Possibility.
She (with a sigh) I see that Miss As
tor Is to marry a duke.
He Oh, well, I wouldn't waste nny
sympathy on her. Who knows? Sho
may love blm.
Ills Conundrum,
Merry Andrew Can you tell me tho
difference between a man and a mon
key? Busy Mnn How much do you weigh?
Merry Andrew A hundred and forty
eight pounds.
Busy Mnn A hundred nnd forty
eight? I weigh 103. Tho difference Is
Just fifteen pounds. Cleveland Leader.
Emperor Itabnkes a Woman.
A curious relic of bygone days may
be soon on a house In Berlin. Two
blacksmiths lived opposite each other
In that city whose trado rivalry becamo
the talk of tho neighborhood. One day,
the Emperor, William I., who was fond
of going about tho city disguised as a
farmer, In order to "fel the pulse of
the people," rodo up to the door of one
of tho blacksmiths to have his horse's
shoe fastened. A daughter of the rival
blacksmith, to show her contempt for
this customer, put out her tongue and
distorted her face with a horrible grin.
The Emperor called together the wood
carvers of the city and offered a prize
for the most hideous face of a woman
they could devise, and when he had se
lected the most ugly specimen produced
ono with a tongue lolling out of Its
wooden mouth ho rode over with It to
the blacksmith's shop. There, to the
consternation of the young woman, he
ordered that fury's head nailed over the
door as a warning against petty spite.
Detroit Free Tress.
A writer says sleep Is conducive to
beauty. Perhaps It Is, but we have seen
soma rather homely policemen, never
tbeless. y
Tratle Hivalry.