WILL ABOLISH WAR.
ELECTRICIAN TESLA DEVISES
A NEW POWER.
Claim. It Will Bender Useless the
Navies of the World-Destroys Die
tance, and frpm a Baae lu NewYork
Can Operate In Europe. ,' '
WHEN all the world Is ring
ing with rumors of an lm
- ,- i pending colossal conflict
there comes from the laboratory of one
ffthe freat magicians of science the
ffJbcdtoefcFof the development of a
power which he believes is destined Im
mediately to usher in the era of onl
versal peace by the demonstration of
its ability to destroy, wirjtiout the possi
bility of defense, the mightiest ar'ma-iPlSW'tH-pwU.
powers. ... . ...
,in the, words of Nikola -Tesla. the
lfectrMan"wai will cease to be possi
ble when all the world knows to-morrow
that the most feeble of the nations
can supply! Itself. Immediately with a
Tender .Its coast se
cure, and its ports Impregnable to the
assaults of the united armadas of the
world. Battleships will cease to be built
igh.tlesjt armorciads and the
afloat will be
much scraD
lron And this iresistible power can be
exerted at any distance by an agency
of so delicate, so Impalpable a quality
that J foej that ? am justified in pre
dlctjB&jthait the-ifiwe will come, incred
ible as It may seem, when it can be
called Into action by the mere exercise
afjtttt fcumairjWill."i ' a
eCCb. ferieff M-rUTesla's latest and most
startling miracle consists In an applica
tion of electricity whereby, without the
Interposition of any artificial medium
of communication, one man can control
''WtJsywtf" absolute exactitude,
emoyemenfs of any type of vessel,
Walloon 'or land vehicle, at any distance
ired. From a station
the deck of a vessel
wtjBdefftaSft iiorpedp . boat equipped
fi wlth( Mr..; Tesla's controlling device
I -timf 5 W'-pr6pelIeU either on or below
-jthp surface,, maneuvered at will In any
direction, and finally brought into conr
tact and exploded against: the side of
pos'slbhY to acpurately locate the posl
iiloB of th ..yeiiseLjWhich . It is desired
.to dbstrdyVme torpedo Boat could be di
WcMMUvetf if the ship lay in the
IfJ'ffeflG.WlSS the oper
ator were stationed at Sandy Hook.
Wrafcli 1 ' marvelous4- possibilities of
tfraicttobtfltfs 'hardly; to-be wondered
ilj,IneBla;finjiy Relieves that the
days of the supremacy of sea power are
numbered. . ,
.glSri'fX? Sir.' Tesla, the only
Queans of controlling the movements of
a vessel from a distance have been sup
plied through the means of a flexible
conductor such as an electric cable, but
this system is subject to obvious limi
tations, such as are Imposed by the
length, weight and strength of the con
ductor which can be practically used;
by tba' difficulty -ii maintaining, ; with
safety, the high speed of the vessel or
changing the direction of her roove
tHBtll fWl$lS.i'.kP. the - necessity
of.;ffe,c!U9Kb4i?0.Wrvl, from a, point
which is practically fixed, and from
many other drawbacks which are In
separably connected with such a sys
tem," i ' j " " ' " : , ' '. (
The plan which I have perfected ln
v'iJyfS fflf j( those objections, for I
ani enabled: by1 the use of my Invention
,ttiitaipfoy-Stty hieahs of propulsion, to
Impart to the moving body or vessel
the highest possible speed, to control
the operatloB'Of 'Its. machinery and to
direct Its movements from either a fix
ed point or ,from a, body moving and
changing Indirection; however rapid
Jvand maintain this, control over
great distances, without any artificial
connecting betwe tht vessel and the
apparatus 'governing It's movements,
V,HBldwfthout'tachi restrictions as these
(i$tM!cwUjr Impose, .,, - - -"
" 31 f." Tesla' then went on to give a
i pmi-uciiij CAiiiiiiiie ji inv Hui kiMUS or
nwi wtjptue-correspondent de-
Elevated on stocks on a table In the
center of Mr. Tesla!s laboratory In New
York stood a mbdeVof a screw-propelled
craft about four feet long and
somewhat proportionately wide and
5 (irhdia'!1wA'' slightly arched
VahH Mirmotinf(d'lithi re slender stand?
aY3siet'cenJTer' one bVfug considerably
'VlfrfplrtnUtie other two, which car
ried small Incandescent bulbs, a third
fwrrp4t!f'PW SHlh btw." - '
The keel consisted of a massive cop
per plate, the pro'peller antf"r6yer" 1'
Ing In the usual position.'' Mf.' Tenia
explained that the boat contained the
propelling machinery, consisting of an
, electric motor actuated by a storage
battery In the hold,, another motor to
actuate the rudder and the" delicate
mechanism which performs the func
tion of receiving through, the central
standard the electric Impulse sent
liliere from the dls-
j which set In mo-
l ami steering motors,
and through them tight or extinguish
the electric 1utl)s and Bre the explod
ing charge ln a rhamber ln. the bow In
Trsnonse to algnals sent by the oper-
"NoW, watch',' said the Inventor; and
t-efttal la iahteen the oUier sUWof the
room," on which lay a little switch
board about five Inches square, he gave
the lever a sharp turn. Instantly the
little bronze propeller began to revolve
at a furious rate. "Now 1 will send the
boat to starboard," be said, and anoth
er quick movement of the lever sent the
brlra sharp over, and anotbj-r move
ment turned It as rapidly back sgslu.
At another signal the screw stopped
" and reversed.
"During the day." continued Mr. Tes
ts, bis band still on the lever, "we
should steer our course by keeping the
two stsndards In line, but at Bight we
should depend on the elertrlc lights.
WhlrhVuW. of rvfi-Tl'V at rUiwd X
ol!fc Itf-MiMa i the enemy
'AmTat a signal both the tiny bulbs
were Dlomlnsted.
"Now we will SMiime thtt the boat
tiss arrived within strlklrg distance of
t as-vessel to be destroyed, and the bulb
1, ta ibt & rill terra io show aha t the
stploaloa ts taken place."
As 'he spoke be tonrtiod the lever
again and tbs light issbed and was ei-
mm m
SPpsi tMmen(Tou,iart11Jery
Xrf rid more use than so
a hostile vessel at any point within the
MigTlfeVision of the 'operator. '
F Mote, fnKilithis, assumirie that it were
tlft)gfih2 toi
tASoiefjaiifsfnUi
tfttfhVfnWiiifta
NIKOLA
Whose Discovery, It Is Clamed, Will Abolish Wir and Change the Fax
of Nations.
"Imagine, if you can," said Mr. Tesla
as he went back to his" desk,' "what an
iresistible Instrument of destruction we
have in a torpedo boat thus controlled,
which we can operate day or night, on
the surface or below'it, and from any
distance that may be desired. A ship
thus assailed would have no possibil
ity of escape, ;
. "1 can apply this system of control
to any type of vessel and of any size.
It Is not even necessary to make a close
approach to the vessel to be destroyed.
At the distance of 100 feet the explo
sion of 200 pounds of dynamite will
exert a shattering effect on a battleship,
but there Is no reason why we should
not load a vessel with 200 or 300 tons,
or e.y,en more, of dynamite, which, ex
ploded even a mile or so away, would
raise a wave that would overwhelm
the biggest ship ever built.
"But I have no desire that my fame
should rest on the Invention of a mere
ly destructive device, no matter how
terrible. I prefer to be remembered as
the Inventor who succeeded In abolish
ing war. That will be my highest pride.
But" there are many peaceful uses to
which my Invention can be put, con
spicuously that of rescuing the shlp
wreeked. "It will be perfectly feasible to equip
our life-saving stations with life cars,
or life boats, directed and controlled
from the shore, which will approach
stranded vessels and bring off the pas
sengers and crews without risking the
lives of the brave fellows who are new
forced to fight their way to the rescue
through the raging surf. It may also
be used for the propulsion of pilot
boats, for carrying letters or provisions
or lnsruments to inaccessible regions,
for killing whales and for many other
commercial or scientific purposes.
"In the operations of war the radius
of control would usually be limited by
the range of the vision of the operator,
whether afloat or ashore, but other
wise there Is no limit to the distance.
In order to give a practical Illustration
of this It is mf Intention to exhibit a
model of a torpedo boat at the Paris
Exposition and direct all Its move
ments from my office in New York, pre
cisely as I have shown you the working
of the model here, except that In Paris
I Intend to exhibit It afloat In a tank."
Mr. Tesla then stated that the elec
trical disturbances proceeding from the
center of the control were of an Inflnl
tesimally feeble character, and he be
lieved that the time would come when
It would be possible to bring them Into
play by the mere exercise of the wllL
TOLD BY FINGER NAILS.
Tern perment and Health Shown by the
Nalla' Coloring and Form.
The temperament of a person and the
condition of health are shown by the
coloring and form of the finger nails.
Long, oval nails show a reasonable and
gentle disposition; one who would yield
In a controversy sooner than arouse en
mity; even when his or her contention
Is right The nails when very short and
broad Indicate an obstinate nature. Lit
tle white flecks on the nails Indicate a
nervous temperament.
When the white moons at the base of
the nails are large and the nails are of a
bright pink color, they Indicate vigorous
health. On the contrary, nails of a pale
bluish color, with little or no moons,
show an unhealthy condition of nerves
and want of recreation. Nails when
1
OVAL.
SCJCARI.
SO MOO.
ccbvsd. rt-tTin.
FIAT.
very mnrb curved show a tendency to
throat trouble. Nails which art thin
and torn out at the end show weak
nerves. Fluted nails show a liability to
blood poisoning.
A parrot owned by an Arch street
physician gave signs of possessing !
most human Intelligence" the other
night A party of young folks wers on
the lawn and were spending an hour
In guessing riddles. Klnslly, a young
lady asked: "Why dos a dog turn
around twr before b lies dowuT
Before anylwtdy could answer, the psr
rot erosked: "One gd turn deserves
another."-Philadelphia Call
Every girl at some time In ber life
meits some cos who calif ber a 4 res to.
1
TESLA.
THE MARCHAND EXPEDITION.
Anent the Territory In Dispute Be
tween France and England.
The British ultimatum that the
French should get out of the Nile val
ley and Great Britain's refusal to rec
ognize the political significance of the
Marchand expedition brought to an
isue a question of two years' standing. I
When Great Britain, acting for Egypt,
began the reconquest of the Soudan In
1890, France sent an expedition trom
French Congo into the Interior to reach
the southern Nile, If possible, before
the English and claim authority there.
This was the Marchand expedition. It
consisted of six French officers, a doc
tor, another French civilian, an Arab
Interpreter, and four sergeants, who
were to command the two companies
of African troops. There were two gun
boats which could be carried by and in
sections, and three aluminum boats.
On April 13, 1897, the mission left
Bangi, and on June 17 the vanguard
TUB MILK HKOIOM.
reached Semlo, on the Mbomu, which Is
not far distant from the Bahr-El Ghas
el province of the southwestern Nile
tributaries, and of which Fashoda Is
the capital. By March, 1898, Marchand
had reached Meshra-El Itek, on one of
the tributaries to the Nile, and last July
he reached Fashoda. As Is well known,
Gen. Kitchener took Omdurmnn on
Sept 2 and Immediately left for Fash
oda with a large force on five gunboats.
This he took early In September and
established garrisons there and on the
Sobat Blver. Marchaud had too small
a force to repel the Auglo-Egyptlans,
but he claimed to have made treaties
with the chiefs of the Shlllooks, a tribe
that rules the Fashoda district, which
recognised the protectorate of France.
Gen. Kitchener, however, denies there
are any such trestles, and England re
fused to recognize Marchand as a po
litical factor at Fashoda. England
claims for Egypt all the provinces
which were formerly held by the
Khedive before the Insurrection of the
MahdI. These provinces Included Fash
oda and the Nile almost to Uganda and
the southwestern tributaries of the Nile
as well, reaching over toward French
Congo.
There Are No Files on Him.
Benjamin BerdelL a wandering clock
repairer, Is death on files. Three years !
ago, when at Itahway, N. J., during a 1
storm be was picking cherries, when
the tree was struck by lightning. Ber
dell received a severe shock. It trans
formed him Into an electric man. Any.
one who shakes bands with him now
receives a severs shock. By prenalng
the blade of a knife between bis
thumb and finger during a storm be
charges the metal so strongly thai
heavy weights can be lifted. When
flies alight upon him they drop dead.
When be Is In a dark room spsrks
flash from bis flesh snd bis eyes shine
like bicandeseent lights. Whenever a
storm approaches iterdcfl borome'
highly charged with electricity and It
Is dangerous ta touch him. lie ssys
that bt feels no Inconvenience except
that bt will ix go near a moving lo
comotive for fear of being drawn
against It and killed. New York Press.
She "My grsndfsther was rondo to
tb Esrl of Builyihsnty, twice retnov
ed." He "Twice removed, eb? What
for? Didn't be psy bis rent?" Han
pefl Ha nr.
Half the men carry the watches they
gavea their wlvea before marriage.
SUNKEN VILLAGE IN NEW YORK.
It
la Right In the City's Heart. Yet
l ew Know It.
There is In the heart of New York
City a qualut, picturesque little village
that few have seen.
' This community, which numbers over
fifty inhabitants, lies west of the boule
vard, Its principal lane runs from Sixty-first
to Sixty-second street. Few of
the thousands who pass It guess its
presence. Its curious, old-fashioned
houses stand so far below the street
that their chimneys scarcely rise to the
level of the sidewalk, and the whole is
surrounded by high fences plastered
with gaudy posters.
The sunken village might have slum
bered In this quiet retreat undiscovered
had its Inhabitants not been rudely
awakened one day last week by a fire.
The little wooden houses are so closely
crowded together that a fire would soon
destroy them all. The villagers have
recognized this and have organized a
little fire company of their own. Pails
of water have always been kept stand
ing to meet such an emergency.
The fire started near the ceuter of the
village In the house of John Gebhardt,
'where the family had retired on Friday
night leaving a lighted lamp on the
kitchen table. During the night the
cat overturned the lamp and It set the
house on fire.
When the flames were discovered the
volunteer fire department rushed to the
rescue. Meanwhile a neighbor in a
towering apartment house across the
way saw the flames and. smoke and
sent In the alarm.
The first engine on the scene was No.
40, Captain Cosgrove. The position of
the village presented difficulties. The
firemen scurried around the fence look
lug for an opening. The sunken vil
lage boasts an entrance on the boule
vard, but this was not known until last
week. The entrance Is through a door
which opens as If by magic-in a huge
buckwheat poster and when closed it
would never be suspected. In the end
flre wag controlledi
The population Is mostly composed of
Germans. Most of them have lived In
the sunken village for many years. Sev
eral of the little cottages are veritable
homesteads. The oldest Inhabitants
are the Joyces, Werners and Geb
hardts. The Legend of the Orange Blossom.
The wearing of orange blossoms at
weddings la accounted for in various
ways. Among other stories is the fol
lowing very pretty legend:
"An African king presented a Spanish
king with a magnificent orange tree,
whose creamy, waxy blossoms and
wonderful fragrance excited the ad
miration of the whole court. Many
begged in vain for a branch of the
plant, and a foreign ambassador was
tormented by the desire to Introduce!
so great a curiosity to his native land.
He used every possible means, fair or
foul, to accomplish his purpose, but all
his efforts coming to naught he gave
up in despair.
"The. fair daughter of the court gar
dener was loved by a young artisan,
but lacked the dot the family consider
ed necessary In a bride. One day, chanc
ing to break off a spray of orange blos
soms, the gardener thoughtlessly gave
It to his daughter. Seeing the coveted
prize In the girl's hair, the wily ambas
sador offered her a sum sufficient for the
desired dowry provided she gave him
the branch and said nothing about It
Her marriage was soon celebrated, and
on her way to the altar. In grateful re
membrance of the source of all her hap
piness, she secretly broke off another
bit of the lucky tree to adorn her hair."
Since the plant was first Introduced
Into Europe It has been customary for
a bride to wear a few sprays of the
orange blossom In her hair or some
where on ber wedding dress. Saturday
Evening Post
Shopping.
She screamed In terror when her pursi
Wss snatched from out her jeweled
band,
And hurled s modest seinl-curse
Towsrd the fleeing, bold brigand;
And when the copper caught the thief,
She seized the purse with snxlous air,
And breathed s sigh of sweet relief
To find ber treaHures all were there:
, A penciled note
Her fellow wrote,
A sugar-plum,
A wsd of gum,
A hairpin 0et),
A copHr cent,
A buttonhook
With broken crook,
A safety pin,
A curling tin,
A powder rag,
A sachet Img.
Tlie were the treaxures which she bure
Around with her from store to store
While on s shopping tour, to see
The msny pretty tlihiK whlrh she
Would love to buy If she but hod
The rsiih, snd, with s smile so glml
It slmost marie the copper sneeze,
Khe thanked him, snd with uprightly eare,
Tripped on to seek snotlier store
Or two where she could shop some more,
-Denver Pout.
Cutting Hllhouettes.
Anything new In the way of amne
ment Is worth trying during the long
evenings. Cutting silhouettes Is not
bad fun. Pin a large sheet of paper
on the wall. Si t the subject far enough
away to make bis shadow the right size
for the psper. Be careful about plac
ing him, so there shall be no distortion
ot outline. Take a charcoal penc il snd
't?h this outline rapidly. Strictly
speaking, a silhouette should be black,
1 and If you wish to conform to the letter
of Hie taw yon can easily do so by cut
ting yonr drswlng out of black paper,
or by turning your sketch from white
I to blsck. A little experience will make
' yon skillful In the uae of shadows, p d
ell and scissors.
When Water Lit a Fire.
On the western cost of Ireland, at
Ballybunlon, the sea set flre to the
cliffs. For centuries the great Atlantic
rollers bsd been breaking them down
and making great (Usures In them, la
their deaths were mssses of Iron,
pyrites and alum. At last the water
penetrstvd to the, snd a rspld oxldl
sstloa took place, which produced a
beat fierce enough to set the whole cliff
oa flre. For weeks the rocks burned
like a volrano, and great clouds of
smoke and vapor rose high In the alr.-
Raturdsy Evening Post
If a womsn bss as msny as two pots
of chrysanthemums lo bloom, sbe Is
not doing ber duty by ber opMrtuul
ties antes sh gives a chrysanthemum
tiosr.
ORIGIN OF THE PLOW.
The Earlieat Implement of the Agri
culturist. ' Not ocly the beginning of agricul-t-jre,
but the Invention of the plow it
solf, Is prehistoric. The plow wag
known to the ancieut Egyptians and
Babylonians, and the very existence ot
thse untlons points to previous thou
sands of yearsof agricul. uralllfe, which
alone could have produced such dense,
ssttled and civilized populations. It
was with a sense of what the plow had
done for them that the old Egyptians
ascribed its invention to Osiris, and the
Vedic bards said the Acvins taught Its
une to Manu, the first man. Many na
tions have glorified the plow In legend
and religion, perhaps never more poet
ically than where the Hindoos cele
brated Sita,i the spouso of Rama, ris
ing,, brown and beauteous, crowned
with corn-ears from the plowed field;
she Is herself the furrow (sita) personi
fied. Between man's first rude hus
bandry and this advanced state of till
age lies the long Interval which must
be filled in by other than historical evi
dence. What has first to be looked for
Is hardly the actual invention of plant
ing, which might seem obvious even to
rude tribes who never practice It. Every
savage Is a practical botanist, skilled
In the localities and seasons of all use
ful plants, so that he can scarcely be
Ignorant that seeds ur roots, If put Into
proper places In the ground, will grow.
When low tribea are found not tilling
the soil, but living on wild food, as ap
parently all mankind once did, the rea
son of the absence of agriculture would
seem to be not mere Ignorance, but In
security, roving life, unsuitable cli
mate, want of proper plants, and In re
gions where wild fruits are plentiul,
sheer Idleness and carelessness. On
looking Into the condition of any known
savage tribes Australians. Andaman-
ers, Botocudos, Fuegians, Esquimaux
there is always one or more of these
reasons to account for want of tlllacre.
The turning-point in the history of agri
culture seems to be not the first thought
of planting, but the practical beginning
by a tribe settled In one spot to assist
nature by planting a patch of ground
round their huts. Detroit Free Press.
Palpable Misfits.
A good old story Is told of a minister
who, after a protracted sermon from a
temperance orator who had in too great
abundance the gift of continuance, rose
and remarked: "Let us now sing, hymn
number so-and-so. 'And are we yet
alive?' " Possibly, It Is rather too good
to be .true, but it suggests the care that
needs to be exercised lu the choice of
hymns.
x At the annual meeting of a woman's
missionary society the minister of the
church was asked to preside to give
special dignity to the celebration. As
often happens at these special festivi
ties, It was one of those perfectly Im
possible days which daunt even the
dauntless. It was In March, ,and after
a heavy snowfall a warm thaw had set
In, acompanled by pouring rain. The
slush was more than ankle-deep, over
shoes were a mockery, and umbrellas
were equally futile. The pastor and
his wife and eight valiant women as
sembled for the meetlug, and struggled
bravely for cheerfulness. .The minis
ter hurriedly chose a hymn, and they
surrounded his desk and began to sin:
Saviour, visit Thy plantation;
Grant us, Lord, a gracious rain!
They got through the first three
verses, but on the first line of tha
fourth, "But a drouth has since suo-l
ceeded," the fresh you?.? voice of the
pastor's wife, who was the loader, wav-!
ered and stopped. It was of no use.
Then nine zealous missionary workers
had to stop and laugh, and the pastor
cordially Joined In. "Next time you ask
me to lead," he said, "I will choose the
hymns before I come Into the pulpltf
American Girls In Paris.
An authority on the subject of music
study In Paris for American girls de
clares that it is a great mistake for
young women to go from this country
to the French capital with the expecta
tion that they will become successful i
public singers there. Borne years ago,
Americans were welcomed In Europe
as debutantes on the stage, but thuse
Who have observed tho foreign trend
of affairs say that this Is all changed.
There are only two cities now where
a debut Is possible for an American.
These are Ioudon and Paris. Success
In cither of these places, Indeed, gives
the singer a cachet that Is valuable In
every part of the world, but to get Ibis
Is growing more difficult yearly. It Is
said that pupils are solicited for the
sake of augmenting the reputation of
the teacher, and that falHo hopes are
held out to students to persuade them
to Join clashes. Many girls have sac
rificed home life for themselves anil In
volved their friends In a great expense
In order to take a foreign musical
course, and then hav never lecu able
to get back any portion of the money
expended.
Nhakapeare Tuboo-d.
F. Brocklehurat well-known Man
chester man, voluntarily went to Jnll
as a protest against some local park
regulation, and has written a hook
called "When I Was In Prison." Here
Is a story he tells abmit his experience:
The rule about literature In BrltlHh
Jails Is that only hooks of moral help
fulness shall Imi given to the prisoners.
Mr. Brocklehunit asked for K links
ponre. "Can't let you have Hhaks
pea re," said the Governor. "Well,
why's that?" was the protest. "An au
thor who wrote 'Don Juan' cannot be a
moral writer" such was fh governor's
cold verdict. Mr. Hrocklehnrst had to
Im content with "Euclid," whose moril
Instruction la not very evident.
A Proline Father.'
Prince Kotxrt of Bourbon, ex Duke
of Parma, Is now the father of his
eighteenth child, a daughter, the ninth
child by bis second wife. All eighteen,
seven sous and eleven daughters, are
living, but only the eldest, the wife of
Ferdlnsnd of Bulgsrls, now 2H yes's
Of age, Is married.
A Degssr's Hli'he.
A tx'ggar died at Auierre, Frsneo,
Dot long ago, and la bis trunk wer
found to k securities valued at a tu!
lloa francs, la bis cellar were fouM
4 bottles of rsre wines.
There Is a eetta'a kind of a hoy who
always looks for a rmk when be f
fcad, but be Dover throws H.
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF
VARIOUS HUMORISTS.
fleaaant Incident Occurring the
World Over Saylnga that Are Cheer
fnl to Old or Young Fanny
Selectiona that Yon Will Enjoy.
Agalnat Hla Principle.
"Why did that Kentucky capitalist
withdraw from the company Just as It
began to pay big dividends?"
"The directors decided to water the
stock and he couldn't stand it"
Hla Strong Claim.
"Why do you think this candidate Is
honest any more than any of the oth
ers? What has he done to prove it?"
"Well, he candidly admits that he
wants the office for the salaiy attached
to It and not merely for the purpose of
sacrificing himself In the interests of
the people."
Flying High.
Mrs. O'Rourke They say the McFad
dens Is pvrttln' on plies of airs lately.
Mrs. Nolan Yls, they are glttln' Into
high society. Their boy Mike has been
hired by wan Iv them golfers fer a
caddy.
What He Went For.
"And so my old friend, Tom Hender
son, has gone to Utah. What did he
go away out there for?"
"Judging by what I've heard since
he left, it seems to have been for this
town's benefit"
"'Old yer 'oss fer ye, guv'ner?"
Judy. A Season's Triumph.
"Bella taade a great hit at the sea
side." "Beach or piazza?"
"Neither. She struck her rich uncle
for a trip abroad." Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
An Old Adage Newly Applied.
Proprietor I think I'll employ a fe
male blllljollector. ,
Bookkeeper Very well, sir; but I'd
advise you not to do so.
Proprietor And why not, pray?
Bookkeeper Because it Is said that a
woman's work Is never dun.
Ken son Knongh,
Teasing Friend What makes that
new baby at your house cry so much,
Tommy?
Tommy (Indignantly) It don't cry so
very much; and, anyway, If all your
teeth were out and your hair off and
your legs so weak you couldn't stand on
them I guess you'd feel like crying
yourself. New Orleans Times-Democrat.
Reputation,
"At last," he said, "I have arranged
It so that people will talk about mo."
"How?" his friend asked.
"I have Just told a woman that I was
chosen by fnte to do great things and
charged her not to breathe It to a Irving
oul."
Anxious to I.earn.
She They say the Cllppersons have
always lived away beyond their means.
He I wonder If we could get them
to show us how?
Had Noticed It.
"Have you ever noticed that men and
their wives generally grow to look alike
after they hare been married for a few
years?"
"Oh, yes. Both of them nearly al
ways have the same sad expression."
The Voles of Experience,
"It was David who said 'All men are
liars, wasn't It?"
"I believe It was. What easy picking
ho must have been for the fellows who
'wanted to Imrrow five and would bo
sure to pay It back to-morrow.' '
Not Porn to the Trade.
Jlmmy-Bee here, Mame, If yer spect
ter tuske er success es so actress, why,
yer've got ter gi over dls souesmlsh
nes Miout being kissed. New York
Journal,
Not Pp-to-Pata.
Author Will, did you look over my
Dew play?
Manager Yes; but I'm sorry to say
Wt cannot use It
Author-Why, I consider It my very
best production.
Msnsger-That's the trouble It's too
good. The drsmatlc situations are not
sufficiently Improbable.
An Aimless Part,
Tiy-And M you ra tied to make a
bit In that Cuban war drama?
Marks A Inst Yes.
Tops What role did yoti assume?
Msrks-Thst of a Ppanlsh gunner.
Its f.Ast f Ititinrt ubI t .
Msrle I have Just lieen reading of
another Bed Cross girl wbo msrrhd
the soldier she nursed through a fever.
Mildred Yes, (list's bei ome quits
common bow. Oh, now I wish we
would have another war.
Precocious.
A Point or Resemblance.
"I don't see why you should compare)
that absconding bank cashier to Dewey.
Thase's nothing in common between
them."
"Oh, yes, there is. Haven't they both
got taking ways?"
Her Spells.
Little Elmer Sister Sue has slnkln'
spells purty often now.
Mr. Spoonleigh Why, what do you
mean?"
LHtle Elmer She says whenever any
comp'ny comes when you're here she
always feels like slnkln' through the
floor, and somebody's come the last
four times you've been here.
A Bicycle Crank.
Captain What in blazes is that thing
Googan's got on the steering works? ;
First Mate He says It's wan o' them
cranks makin' a trip' round the world
on a wheel.
. She Was Thinking of It.
Mrs. Elverson Oh, Mrs. Downs
lelgh, I hear that your daughter Mabel
is engaged to Fred Waddington.
Mrs. Downsleigh Yes; they expect
to be married some time during the
winter. Why, what makes you look so
funny? Do you know anything about
him?
Mrs. Elverson Oh, no; nothing much.
I was only thinking. Ouce when he
was a boy I heard our minister say he
expected him to come to a bad end.
Off Her Mind.
"There's a load off my mind," said the
Italian lady, as she deposited the seven
bushels of coal that she had picked up
along the railroad tracks."
Worried.
"What's the trouble, old man?"
"I'm afraid my mother-in-law won't
leave us any of her money."
"Why, you hnven't quarreled with
her, have you?"
"Not exactly; but she's very touchy
on the obesity subject, and when my
little boy kept sliding off her lap yes
terday she caught me laughing. There
has been a revengeful look In her eye
ever since." .
Stirring- t-tralns.
"Isn't the music thrilling?" said en
thusiastic Miss Gaswell to young Mr.
Dukane, as knights by the thousand
nfarched by.
"Sole-stirring!" replied the young
man. Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph.
Two of a Kind.
"Do you know," said the fat man,
"that you remind me of the Maria
Teresa every time I see you?"
"No," the elevator boy replied; "why
should I do that?"
"Because you put in so much of your
time going to the bottom."
Relief at Last.
Collector Look here, I'm getting Mich
of coming he-re every week for tills bllL
Debtor I'm very glad to hear It
Ills Inference.
Bllger Yes, I always like the cold
weather. I'm never sorry when wlntet
comes,
Anstcy Say, how did you brenk
your wife of the house-plant habit, or
is she one or the few that never were
addicted to It?
A Winner.
Old Bullion So, sir, you want to
marry my daughter? Wasn't that your
name I saw slgnwl to a poem in ono of
the magazines the othor d.ty?
Reginald Illcksley Yes, sir; 1 have
written a grent deal of magazine poet
ry, but Indeed I aKHiire you, sir, 1 do
not depend upon It for n livelihood. I
have a regular Job as tlincUeeper In a
machine simp."
Old Bullion Oh, In that enso I sup.
pose I ought to let yon have her.
A rautlnns Girl.
Glndys-1 had tickets for the mntlnee
yesterday and Invited Laura Wllllngs
ley to accompany me to the opera, but
she begged to be excuxed,
Fanny-Whatever lu tho world mndo
ber do that? I should have been de
lighted at such a elm two.
Gladys Khe said she wasn't going to
Ik! classed as one of the girls who never
have Invitations to go lu the evenings.
Paralysis Alter Chloroform.
Tasse has recorded two cases person
ally observed by him, In which paral
ysis followed chloroform narcols. He
In lleves that such paralysis arises from
several causes: First from the tui
tion In which the patient Is lying,
whereby pressure Is exercised uhu a
supplying nerve, or as a result of trac
tions ou tho arm or leg of a violent na
ture, Hecond, the employment of Im
pure chloroform, which seems ciipsb!
of poisoning the nervous system and
producing such paralysis, at the same
time developing transient or permanent
albuminuria. He also believes that In
some rare Instances the chloroform ren
ders the patient susceptible to mlcrohlc
lutoxlcstlon, with secondary paralysis
from this cause.
fn New CJalnea.
In Nvw Guinea the single young wom
an lets ber bslr hang alxjut ber shoul
ders In all Its glory; but Irmucdis'dy
after marriage she must have It cut
short
Druggists ssy that It Is never diffi
cult to sell a patent remedy for bftirt
disease. Every one Imagines Uut b!f
heart la afflicted.