PAPER
OFFICIAL
s
1 MY SUCCESS
1 Is owing to my liberality in ad-
3 vertis;ng Robert Bonner.
FREQUENT AND CONSTANT
Advertising brought me all
own. A. T. Stewart.
s
3
a)
MHIVftHliM'llftflM 1 1 1 14 1't J M'l III MIIMililM (M-mii
FOURTEENTH YEAR
HEPPNER, MORROW COUNTY, OREGON, FRIDAY, APRIL 10, 1896.
WEEKLY NO. (S05I
SEMI-WEEKLY NO 4301
or "s.
5EMIWEEKLY GAZETTE, ooooocooooooooooool
Such ills as
PUBLISHED
Tuesdays and Fridays
BY
m PATTERSON PUBLMINS COMPANY.
80REI1ESS,
STIFFNESS,
and the like,
ST.JAGOBS OIL
WIPES OUT
Promptly and Effectually.
OTIS PATTERSON,
A. W. PATTERSON.
Editor
Business Manager
At 3.50 per year, $1.25 tor six months, 75 eta.
cor tbree mouens.
Aduertisina Rates Made Known on
Application. -
THE OWEN ELECTRIC BELTS AND APPLIANCES INSURE TO THE SICK
THESE GREAT POINTS OP ADVANTAGE OVER ALL IMITATORS
ODD NAMES AND OLD ONES.
HIS HOUSE GOT
TMH8 PAPKR is kept on tile at K. 0. Hake's
L Advertisine Aireiioy, M and 65 Mwcliants
GxohaiiKs, San Franciaoo, California, where co
Tacts tor advertising oan be made tor it.
0. R. & PL-LOCAL CASD.
Train leaves Hoppner 10:30 p. m. daily, except
Sunday. Arrives una a. m. au'.iy, except Mon
day. West bound passenger leaves Willows Junc
ttinn 1:13 a. m.: east bound 3:iS0 a. m.
Frelaht trains leave Willows Junction eolni?
cant at 7:25 p. in. and 8:47 a. in.; going west, 4:30
ip, m. ana u.oi a. in.
United States Ofllelals.
I'residont G rover Cleveland
Vice-President Ad ai Blevenson
Secretary of Htate Hi c hard 8. Olney
Secretary of Treasury Jehn O. Carlisle
Secretary of Interior Hoke Smith
Secretary of War Daniel S. Ianiont
Secretary of Nary Hilary A. Herbert
Postmaster-General William L. Wi son
Attornay-Oencral JudHon Harmon
Secretary ot Agriculture J. Sterling Morton
State of Oregon.
liovernor....... W. P. Lord
Secretary ot State H. It. Kincaid
Treasurer ' I'liil. Meteohan
Rnnt. Public Instruction. G. M. Irwin
Attorney General 0. M. Id'eman
. i (. W. Jlcliride
11. H. Mitchell
( Hinser Hermann
Congressmen J w n. Ellis
Printer W. tl. Leeds
( R. 8. B n.
4nDreuia JiiL?3e F. A. Moore.
( C. K. Wolvurton
hixth Judicial District.
Circuit Judge 8tihen A. Lowell
Prosecuting Attorney Jolia H. Lawrey
Horrow County Olttcial.
. tM - ft 1T Hahh
;ruil ammior... ... uowwi
lieprwentative 8. Bonthby
I mntr JuUe Jnlins Kelthly
Couimtaioners ). 11. Howard
J. M. Hiiur.
'" rierk..i .T.W.Morrow
" RWiff O. W. Harnmrton
" Treasurer Frank Gilliam
AWMor J. f. Willi
" Hnrveror ... Geo. lord
" School Sap't.... Anna Balsiger
" Coroner T . W. Ayera, J t
mrpKta town ovnor.iui.
!., i .Tiioa. Morgan
O'incHinxu O. K. Farnnworth. M
Mchtenlhal, Otis Patterson, T. W. Aysrs.Jr,
B H Ui.mar. V 1. HUirnim.
11-..,!.. F.J. Hal look
rnunrar E. L. Kreeland
Marshal A. A. KoberU
Precinct Officer.
Jmtinanf the Ptna E. 1. Freelanit
Constable N. 8. WheUtous
United States Und 0 Woe re.
THE DALLES. OR.
J. F. Moore.. Hcgiste,
A. 8. Bik llnoetvm
Li nSAKDE. Ol.
if F, Wilson Reglnts
J. H. Kobbins Heoaiver
aSSZMBT BOClaDTXE.
KAWLIM8 POST, NO. IL
G. A. H.
KtsU at Laxingtoo, Or., the but Saturday of
sch month. All reUratu are Invited to Join.
.-C. Boon. Qio. W. Hhith.
Adjutant, tf Comoiamlar,
L UMBER !
11TI RAVE FOR KALK ALL KINDS OF OH
t V drneeed Lumber, M miles ol Heppner, at
what is known as Uis
SCOTT BAWMILiIj. I
WW
It can be changed
from positive to negative
current in a moment.
Tbey have and are cur
ing thousands of cases
of Rheumatism,
Chronic Diseases
and Nervous Ail
ments in man and
woman (from any cause)
where long continued
medical treatment! ailed
to cure.
The Electric Cur
rent be immedi
ately feit, altbooicn.
soatbiiiE to the!
most sensitive. Tnei
strength of the current isl
under the complete con
trol of the wearer, so
muob so that a child may
De treated ana curea Dy
the same power ol Belt
necessary for the strong
est man.
NO MEDICINES ARE NECESSARY.
void all ohean (so-called) Eleotrlo Belts and fraudulent Imitations of our EleotriO Belts
and Appliances, as these are an imposition, upon the suffering.
TlTi; OWEN ELECTRIC TBUS8 la ths most retentive ana ourative Truss
made ior the radical cure of Eupture.
Inclose six cents and send for our Larsre Illustrated Catalogue in English.
German, Swedish or Norwegian languages ; containing medical facts, sworn statements Of
cures made and descriptions of Belts) and Appliances. Address
THE OWEN ELECTRIC BELT AND APPLIANCE CO,
80S to 811 State Street, Cblcago.
n . i
40
PER 1,000 FEIT, BOUOH,
- - - CLEAR,
100 I
17 M I
YF PF.I4VF.RFD lit IIKPPNRR, WILL ADD I
1 16 W per l.ouo last. adlUoiial.
The above quotallons are strictly for Cash.
ICYCLES
Are the Highest of all High Grades.
Warranted ruperlor to any Bicycle built In the world, regardless of price.
Do not be induced to pay more money for an inferior wheel. Insist on
having the Waverley. Built and guaranteed by the Indiana Bicycle Co.,
million dollar concern, whose bond is ss good as gold.
211b. SCORCHER $85. 221b. LADIES' $75.
Catalogue free. INDIANA BICYCLE CO.,
HOMER H. BALLOCE, Indianapolis, Ind., U. S. A.
Gen. Agent for Eastern Oregon, Pendleton, Or.
FACTS
ARB
FACTS !
v
T en
af
CAN BUY 125.00 worth of dry goods and groceries and then have
enough left out of f 100.00 to purchase a No. 1 Crescent Bicycle. This Is
i first-class machine. Why then pay $100.00 for a bicycle that will give
no bettor service f
CRESCENT ".Scorcher," weight 20 pounds, only I'JO.
Ladles' and Gents' roadsters all the way from .V) to 173.
"Boys' Junior, ' only (10 with pneumatic tire a good machine.
"Our Special," Men's .; Ladles', I'O.
1
WESTERN WHEEL WORKS,
!' CHICAGO AND NEW YORK.
THE P4TTERS0S 1TB. ( sr JLpf
Heppner, Oregon, ii
l MORROW AND GRANT 2(nW '
What Parents Are Keapouslble, For la Se
lecting Names for Their Offspring.
The names of Molly and Polly, Annie
and Nan, Maggie and Peggie, Nancy
and Nan are just as much in vogue to
day as in the olden time, and in all
probability will continue to be given
as Christian names to baby girls for all
time.
We do not find French women talcing
their ancestors to task for bestowing
upon them ungainly names, for the
taste of the French in names is pro
verbial. There is no Peggie in the
French tongue. When they tired of
Mary they changed it to the sweet
name Marie. Ann became Annette,
sprightly and bright.
Somu pareutB refused to give first
names to their children, preferring
that the children themselves' should
choose their own names. It is often a
positive handicap to a man of parts to
have an hicuphonious name. In many
oases ignorant parents have gone
wrong in their selection of names for
their offspring, and more than once a
girl baby has been called Jezebel and
a boy baby Ananias. Ttev. James B.
Walely, a Methodist minister, who
preached many years in New York,
told, with great enjoyment, of a lisp
ing mother who took her baby to the
font in the church to be baptized and
christened. When the divine took it in
his arms, preparatory to christening
it, he asked the lisping mother what
he should name it. The narent re
plied: "Luel'thir." Indignantly the
minister remarked:
"Lucifer! Lucifer! Never will I
name a child that. Then lie con
tinued, as he sprinkled the water upon
the brow of the girl baby, "George
Washington, I baptize thee," etc., and
the girl was thereafter so called.
It is a fact that fashion in names
changes in cycles of less than a cen
tury. At present there seems to be a
tendency towards odd names. Some
of the iKpular ones are Dorothy,
Rhoda, Edna and Angeline. Ada is
quite common, and Almira comes
down, it would appear, from the coun
try towns to adorn city beauties.
Agatha, Viola, Maude, Jessie, Olga,
Odette, Olive, Inez, Isabel, Hoilense,
Kosalind, Beatrice. Naomi, Mignon,
Mildren, Lillian, Leonora, Kuthleen,
Ida, Estelle, Gertrude, Gladys, Grace,
Genevieve, Gabrlella, Henrietta, Edith,
Felice, Fedora, Frederica, F.nnice,
Florence, Eloiso, Kmuieline, Eleanor,
Elsie, Eflle, Doris, Evelecn, Cora, Cyn
thia, Cloe, Cordelia, Beuluh, Bertha,
Blanche, Tiuth, Veronica are union?
the hundreds of uncommonly odd
names, chosen not only for their odd-
uess, but for their euphoniousjiiess as
well, while their mcauing odds interest
to them and makes the burden of their
weight an easy load to carry.
A mother sometimes delights in per
petuating the name of her grant!
mother, who bore the name of her
irreat-irrandDiotluT. und thus these
very old names descend by the choice
of the parcut. Ann nowadays sounds
harsh, and Betsy seems common. It-
r.y cornea to be Bessie and Ann Annie,
and an instance Is known of Mind well
linving the audacity to call herself Min
nie. Jerutiha lias printed on her ixit
Ing cards Jennie and Vrliilnhle loves to
hear herself styled Uitty.N.Y. World
AWAY.
Chicago
L HAMILTON, Prop.
national Bank of
WM. PKNLANn, ED.
rreaUest,
ml lis Ms luiule
E.B1HIIOP.
Caakler.
-0F-
im viCTS i GENERAL BiMING BUSINESS
For the Curo o
Liquor, Opium ud Tobacco Habit
It is located st Salem, Oregon,
77.4 Jost Dtautiful Tovn on tht Court
Call al Ihe Otisrra office for particulars
MrtctlyounndouUal. Ireatnent prlMleaud suit
(flSlpIl
i A AMD ITS "CTJa
To the Editor i 1 have an absolute
temfdy for Comumntion. By Its timely usa
thousands of hopeless rises have been already
permanently cured. .V proof -poa it ive am I
of Its power that I consider it my duty to
ttnd two boitUt fm to those of your readers
who have ftroumrkxiThroat, Bronchial or
Lunf Trouble, tf they wUl write me their
express and rxatoflice address. Sincerely,
T. A. ILOCvIs, K. u lllrart lUBewTerk.
Sr The MiterMl a4 BmlmM Mw m f
uus rmgm Oaanalee law smmw I'
ins
COLLECTIONS
afaI oq favorable Terms.
EXCHANGE BOUGHT i SOLI)
llF.ri'NFU. tf OREOON
Ontario-Burns Stoic Line
A. T4 r
BiMYOliSTB&EUliE
H. A. WIILUMS, P op.
ft
TM U. S. GOVERNMENT
PAYING MILLIONS
A MONTH
osTAiuonuit.xs
liesvee II q roe tlatlf al 6 a. tn. sol sr.
rises al OiiUrla Is 41 boars.
Singlo Faro $7.00.
Round Trip $10.00
-grTe"S tfril r, smis prea4.
fiUItS'S CAXYOX
1 f anffM, f tir etia Mer Mimiim(iI
a, fm,i in itt inm rii"' i
ih t intaiML frtueviile snl lkeilew
fm el lM,
Jtom Is lbs lima n e tbe Veettf
OrWnawa, tba i paper rf
1 1 Meet. Hub lb(iMi.b"b etHel
I f la e4 , faf. El tO Jltoetlef
aMsrhlssisno wf itf me la
la las els. Ui.Lm ll " s
aevlns ea svl litrat ) .sl.ia U
fnt lisate. --llt 'at $;.
CoM hi " SjM abaarib.
ft)
To ffftofi wh Mrvr 4 In h a.in of th UnilrJ S Islet of to thtif
V .dowt, ChiUrtn, or Psitnis. l)o Yuu reeelve petition 1 H4 Yoil I
ffljiivs in tht War of the Rebellion, Indian or Mcslcan Wart
on whom yoa oVpsndfJ ht Hipport f
THOUSANDS ARE ENTITLED
UNDER THE NEW LAW
T fcttrt a pentiofl, who now do rot. Tbowtanda un4f tht nw
Is art tfiliiWd to an Incrcaa t4 penwori. TN (fmrnmsnt owrt it
to yog sn 1 It wilting and Antlou to py- Why not pre aent
your cUim at thla prrnt lime f Yosir pension daUe from tht
tlmt yrm apply. Now la tht accepted hour.
tr ntt fjf Lt anj eonrU't intutmaiion. No Charge for advka.
No Ftt anWtt MMttful.
ft
ft
ft
ft
ft
ft
ft
ft
ft
ft
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ft
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Until, and 1 rade-Marka ebtataet eas alt fat-;
at swans coa4vct4l sjsetaarf rsts.
Ova Oreiet is Oreeetve O, a. asvinvornet
caa fmuM is ixa bS taaa Ifcuat
ramois iroa w aamnf vm
SMS MM. rn T tnflt, WHS SWAr
as auviM, u pmmimua or sot, wm w
Oa ImMm I.U Minl k tn ana.
r la Vsm 'uanv' villi
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tavf.
tiMMLfr. rl
wt el mm ia tKe U. a. saa turaiga SMUai
at Ins. A44maj
c.A.sr.ow&co.
WANTED-AN IDW5tBJStt
thing to Batestf rntart yonrMraa : ihey may
bring yen, wealth, arils JOHN WKUKIIU
lU itfT dt., C.itit AlUirn'r, WsaliiBf WS,
it, iov insir iiuwpeiaeoaw.
m TICKETS
-T' THIS-
east and rniwm
T-UNJ!)Uir;nc
The Press Claims Company
fhmtisa fullas fslae Slera.
In. i i.i iWm-i a"l Fre lu-tin l t t aalr
M ar I AilT Uil IN'.
Maey ftrnjn Mirl le this lias te llr
filae
LS ntlUP W. AMRtTT, (kaeral OliMtcr,
(f j 61 V 5trrl, WA5HIN0T0N, D. C
ft : rwpnf (s see'. V4 tf immHf w tKt-nm4 IntJimf
4 p-ifrrt (a l t "mmt SI. e4 W pum'e' Lt
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,NTSCM Li&hT
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In. tr. tt.XTi n, cm ,iV'f.
i.rf.i'f, tl
The Temporary Mvstery of a
Worklngman's Residence.
When Pete kissed his wife good-by in
the morning his little frame house
rested on rollers. The house-mover's
gang was hitching clanking chains to
the heavy square timbers, and the
brown horse with a dejected droop to
his long head was ready to circle around
the capstan and haul Pete's cottage in
to the street.
"Don't you worry a bit, Mary," said
Pete, as he picked up his dinner pail.
"The house mover told me that not an
inch of plaster would fall. So long, I'll
pick you up six blocks south to-night."
"Sure thing," replied the house mover
to Pete's inquiry. "Itiis is a dead easy
job. You'll find your house in the mid
dle of the street six blocks down there
to-night and your wife and kids all
0. K."
Pete was an iron molder, and the foun
dry where he worked was a good hour's
v alk from home. He went to his bench
in a cheerful mood. The elevated rail
road company had paid him a good stiff
price for his lot, and had offered to move
his house free of expense to him. Pete
took the money and bought o lot cheap
in a new street, half a mile nearer the
foundry, two blocks from a school, and
with a church just around the corner.
Taking it all in all, Pete considered lie
had made a good bargain.
During the day Pete's thoughts were
on the little white cottage, with its clean
muslin Bash curtains and light-green
shutters, slowly traveling down the
street, lie could almost see Mary anx
iously noting progress through the win
dows, and the children, wild with the
novelty, racing and tearing around.
Every molder on the floor knew that
Pete's house was on the move. They
discussed the matter while grouped
around the cupola waiting for the iron
to run. They were full of suggestions,
and Pete received the benefit of the con
centrated advice of 50 sympathetic men.
The foreman once had passed through
the house-moving experience, and, as
he was the foreman and as his house
was a two-story brick, his advice wafi
regarded as weighty and his sugges
tions treasured as words of great value.
After Pete had filled and emptied his
ladle a dozen times and had washed up
he started merrily to find his home.
When he arrived at the corner where he
expected to meet his cottage, none ap
peared. Pete looked north and south
through the dusk, but as far as he could
see the street was clear. A policeman
happened along.
"Say, officer," exclaimed Pete, "have
you seen a one-story frame cottage go
by here to-day?"
The policeman stared at Tete for a.
second, then replied grufflyi .J'iVhat'er
you glvin' me?v
"That's straight," said Pete, with en
ergy. "i hey re moving my house. It
ought to be here, but it ain't."
The policeman grew sympathetic at
once. ' I ve seen no house movln , but
there's some red lights over there two
blocks. Mebbe It's your house."
Pete hurried for the red lights. It
was n house perched on rollers In the
middle of the street, but it was not his
house. He clambered over the timbers.
chains, and skids to the front door, for
the steps bad been amputated.
A woman with a hand lamp answered
the knock.
"Have you seen a one-story frame cot
tage, white, with green shutters, and a
little woman with brown hair go by thla
way?" asked Pete, hurriedly.
The woman shook her head.
"No," said she. "We're movln', too.
My man hasn't got home yet. Msylie
he'a hunting fur me, too," and she gig
gled, hysterically.
Pete gave her no ronifort, but sprang
to the ground. Near the house was a
grocery, and there Pete Inquired for bla
house. No one had seen it.
"Pshaw!" said Pete. "Il'a a light
lioiiae, and those house-movers have got
It on the Int."
He almost ran to the new alte and
found it vacant. He had spent an Lour
searrbing for the white foliage and
Mary. He had aaked 50 persons If thry
had seen a while, one-story milage cm
a tour, and now he seated himself on
the edge of the sidewalk In front of the
hew lot he had bouyht and tried to pull
himarir together. He could not under
stand It. He could think of no other
path over which the house might travel.
Suddenly a new Idea struck him.
"Vie Are deiiartiiient hits made them
pull the bouae Into a vacant lot so as not
to block the street. Ml start from the
beifiiinitifr, end If Iilon't And II to-night
I II sleep In the iMlrtied. They haven't
moted that, snyaay. Only Msry will
he worried.
In a quarter of an hour lie was on Hie
old familiar sidewalk. As he hurried
alone he closely ei am I tied every horn
on both shies of the street Ahsnrlird
In this, he forgot his whereabouts, ami
he choked and mdel In surprise when
he suddenly looked Into Uie windows of
his own while rotta and asw Msry
with her mtm flattened ajrainat the
jrlaaa waU-hin for him. The house had
not len mnted a foot.
"Hornet hi rig broke," eaplslned Mary
helplrtar I'ete to a heaolnr tdateful n'
liver and bacon, "and the msa will be
bark to-morrow." hlrav) Record.
Maflilai t ttia!
Two men matched coins for the far
on a street ear, and the man who won
said: "I have tald very few fares thla
aumfnee rmttmM f as. I iI.aI
system of mats-blnf. I ran't ei plain
why my system la r orrrl, but many ea
perlments hsve satisfied m that It Is.
I alwaya ask the other man to match
me, and 41 times eat of 11 1 win. Ap
parently ha wl'ls are even, la reality
they era ajrainat the man who inelehee
and In favor of the roan ah la meU bed.
This doean't hold when tha eolns srs
pun on a table. It la food only when
ear h man hnldt bis eoin In bla band.
faHir.a' mine Is si an en easy frame In
win. Ihrea men out rf five will rail
heeds. I slwate b'lld the coin tail Up.
and in ) loi r run t sm a wijijKa."
Highest of all in Leavening Power. Latest U. S. Gov't Report
MM
Powder
ABSOLUTELY PURE
RUNAWAY BLACK BOY&
Escaped Samoan Slaves Who Live la the
Thick Woods.
Boys sometimes run away from the
plantations and live alone in the forest,
building little sheds to protect them
from the rain, and sometimes planting
little gardens for food; but the most
part live the best they can upon the
nuts of the trees and the yams that
they dig with their hands out of the
earth. I do not think there could be any
wbr.re in the world people more wretch
ed than these runaway s. They can
not return, for they would only re
turn to be punished; they can never
hope to see again their own people
Indeed, I do not know that they can
hope but just to find enough yams
every day to keep them from starvation.
And in the wet season of the year,
whicli ia our summer and your winter,
when the rain falls day after day far
louder than the loudest thunder-pump
that ever fell in England, and the room
is so dark that the lean man is some
times glad to light bis lamp to write
by, I can think of nothing so dreary as
the state of these poor runaways in the
houseless bush. You are to remember,
besides, that the peoplo of the island
hate and fear them because they are
cannibals; sit and tell tales of them
about their lamps at night in their own
comfortable houses, and are some
times afraid to lie down to sleep if there
ir a lurking block boy in the neighbor
hood. Well, now, Alick is of their own
race and language, only he ia 'a little
more lucky, because he has not run
away; and how do you think that he
proposed to help them? He asked if he
might have a gun. "What do you want
with a gun, Alick ? was asked. He an
swered quite simply, and with his nice,
good-natured amile, that if he had a
gun he would go up into the High
bush and shoot black boys as men shoot
pigeons. He said nothing about eating
them, nor do I think he really meant to.
I think all he wanted was to clear the
plantation of the vermin, ea game
keepers at home kill weasels or rats.
The other day he was sent on an er
rand to the German company where
many of the-black boya live... It wan
very late when he came home. He had
a white bondage round his head. Ills
eyes shone, and he eould scarcely speak
for excitement. It seemed some of the
black boys who were his enemies at home
had attack r-d him, one with a knife.
By his owti account he had fought very
well; but the odds were heavy. The
man w ith the knife had cut him both In
the head and back; he had been struck
down; and it some block boya of bla
own side hud not come to Uie rescue,
he must certainty have been killed. I
am sure no Christmas box could make
any of you children so huppy as this
fight made Alick. A great part of the
next day he nrglecU-d his work to piny
unon the one-stringed harp and sing
songs about his great victory. To-day,
when he is gone upon his holiday, he
has announced that he Is going back
to the German firm to have another
bi.ttle and another triumph. I do not
think he will go, all the same, or I
should be uneasy; for 1 do not want
to have my Alick killed; aud there I'
no doubt that If be begin this fight
again, he will be likely to go on with it
very far. Robert Louis Stevenson, In
Rt. Nicholas.
INDIANS COPY CUSTOMS.
They e-ollaw the Maes M arses by Halts
Mea.
The Alaska Indiana, after learning
many of the vires of white men, soon
begin to live lit e them as far as poe
a I uie and convenient, says the nils
burgh Dispatch. Their one-story bu'a
soon give way to two and three-story
structures, and Instead of building
helter-skeJter wherever there's a c lea r.
Ing, they erect their dwellings In
ata-aight rows, carefully observing the
building line.
When an Indian who came buck from
tha states spread tha news that the
houvtee of the white men In b'g clt ! j
were all numbered, the fashion jf nuin
tierinif their own houses spread like
wildfire. The Indians would pay noat
tentlon to Uie numerical values, but
would select sotnt number that pleased
tha eye.
The first hours In the Indian qusr
ter of Kitks la numbered 2on, while the
ona neat door la ton, the third t.aoo,
and then 4Q and 1.3(0. The numbers
which are most generally popular are
those which end In the two nsi.fbt.
Lawyer "Sir, I propose to see that
justice is done." Magistrate "None of
your tricks here." Detroit Tribune.
Wonder if Tennyson ever thought
that the time would come when he must
answer for every Idyll word! Boston
Transcript.
"Do you pay for poetry?" asked the
pretty girl. "Y-yes," replied the editor,
with some hesitation. "What do you
pay?" "Compliments." Pearson's.
"Susan, just look here! I can write
my name in the dust on the top of this
table!" "Lor', mum, so you can! Now
I never had no edgercation myself!"
Punch.
Caller "And this is the new baby!"
Fond Mother "Isn't he splendid?"
Caller "Yes, indeed." Fond Mother
"And so bright! See how intelligent
ly he breathes! "--Tit-Bits.
A barefooted tramp passed through
Fulton, Kan., one day recently. Assist
ance was offered him, but he refused lt,
saying that he could steal what ha
wanted. Exchange.
Uncle Harry "Well, Johnny, and
how did you like the ride on Uncle
Harry's knee?" Johnny "Oh, it was
very nice; but I had a ride on a real
donkey yesterday." Evangelist.
During the winter of 1893. P. M.
Martin, of Long Reach, West Va., con
tracted a severe cold wbioh left him
with a oougb. In speaking of bow ha
enred it be says: "I used several kind
of cough eyrup bat found no relief an til
I bought a bottle ot Cbamberlcin'a
Congh Remedy, whiob relieved me
almost instantly, and in a abort time
brought abnat a complete cure." When
troubled with a oongb or oold nse tbia
remedy and yon will not find it neces
sary to try teveral kinds before yon get
relief. It has beeo in the market for
over twenty years and constantly grown
in lavor and popularity. For sale at
60 cent per bottle by Uooser it Brook,
druggists.
One Point in Ills Favor.
"I haven't lived with you E3 years
Without finding out you're a brute!"
wrathfully exclaimed Mrs. Bangle. "I
know a million reosone why I'd hate to .
be you, and only one why I'd like to bo
you!"
"What Is that one reason, modame?"
fiercely demnnded Mr. Kangle.
"Because you've got a good wife!"
she screamed. ( hicago Tribune.
Finance, National and rersooaL
"No," said the man who picks up bits
of wisdom wherever he can, "I never
like to hear Blykins start out to show
how all the indebtedness of the coun
try can be liquidated and financial af
fair put Into shape at short notice."
"Why not?"
"He nearly always winds up by bor
row Ing two dollars on his own ac
count." Washington Star.
msrAsr.s of the skix.
The Intents lu lling and smarting Inci
dent to eiK'ina, tetter, salt-rheum, and other
disease of the skin Is instantly allayed by
applying Chamberlain's Eye so J 6k In
Ointment. Many very bad com- have been
nermsneully cured by it. It I equally
efficient for itching piles and a favorite rem
edy for sore nippies; chapped hands, chil
blains, frost biUM, and rlminlo sore eyes.
for salt by druggies st 25 cents per boi.
Try Dr. Fadr't Condition Powder, they
arejurt whets hone needs when In bsdenndi
uun. ionic, biiMM putimrsmi vr run tugs.
For al by Coosi r k Ilrock, droggista.
Your Face
J- s
j.iXUAUT, Amt, UUV" Orvoe rWJst TgHrsah-
leass Hie Mactase.
An amusing Incident occurred In the
hearing of a collision rasa in ths ad
miralty roiirt lefore Kir Francis Jrtirw
and Trililly house saaeaaors. A typical
old salt, with only one rye, got along
quite satisfactorily with his essnilna
tion In rblef, but was rather Hon
pluaaed when ths opposing counsel I
Iran to rest some doubts upon his evi
dence, Tha old tsr got over the first
three or four quest Ion eaMy, but hi
wrath raas sa the rroaaetaininatlou
proceeded. At length he could restrain
the full gala of his Indignation no
longer, and, buttoning bla jacket tight
ly, be leaned over lbs rails of Ilia wit
ties hot and cried: "I beg your par
don, but who might you t, mleier?"
Tha court rnered with laughter, la
Wbirk lb l.reeWeftt tl aaaeaanre
heartily lit. The counsel replied:
"Oh. I am srs ii.t you." At Iblaadmis.
Sion the a. lor seemed mmh relieved
and remarked: "Oh, I srel uw (
know toy beeiibfs id must atr
eirdki.f I," IcnN Trkfrah. I
Will ss wreathed with a avast "!"
smiis, aflae tea Invest la a
liteSeiiiMaclG
gpuieeao vita its si
PINCH TENSION,
TENSION INDICATOR
AUTOMATIC TENSION RELEASER,
Tk nvt CMrttilet sad awful drvluriewtf
al-ld to say ten tug SikIubs.
ti wurrn t
Durably tad Haadtomtly Ba!ll,
Of flea riaUb tail Perfect Afjjtlaitnt.
fitwl ALL f tab! Articles,
And l?l rv aid p!sw y.n ep t the U
fcmM af t,ur i.ttMii.
Arriva I ) a i v s WaNttti It s xmv
frd tetiil.iiy, I 1mI tcin.s. A-..-'- ,
W'llTC ttMifp I1ri H'C m
nils. WWHllW L,iu.