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About Polk County itemizer. (Dallas, Or.) 1879-1927 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 2, 1901)
C y 0 ~ .y i <M*¿ 5 8 ^* y o l . xxvn. DALLAS Hair Splits L. N. WOODS, M. U. Physician and Surgeon, Dalian, Oretjun. T V B. EMBrtEE, D A LLA S, - M D O R EG O N Office over WiUoi*’« »Irng store. J K. SlbLKY, H. O, E ahih . S I B L E Y ¿fe E A K I N , A ti o n i « , y s - n t - 1 j i i w . W q »mv« tin» only set of abstract book* 1 » l’" ,k «unly. Itoliablo abstrauta lurnisneil, and ..... ey to tan. No •••unuiiisioii oharye-l on loan**. Hooiui ‘2 %d s Wilson's block, Dali** J. L. C O L L I N S . Utorney and Counselor at Law, S o lic it o r i u (llittn c r ry . H id bcwii In practice of his profession in thin place oi a'onit thirty years, and will attend to all Imsu'es* utnuted to hie c-aro. Otlice, corner Main and Court b* »Milas, I’oU Co, l)r J. H. T ownsknd J N. H akt TOW NSEND * H A K l', A TTO R N E YS-AT-LAW . Office ipaUirs in Odd Fellows’ new block. 0E11O03ST. L .A L L A . 8 , OSCAR HAYTER. A t to rn e y a t -L a w . Office up stairs in Campbell’ s build ing. D ALLAS - OREGON. N. L. BU TLKR K F. C0A1> B U T L E R A COAD Attorneys-at-Law D A L L A S , OREGON. W ill practice in all conns. Office, over bank. Robert A . Miller, A T T O R N E Y -A T -L A W Oregon City Land titles and land office business a specialty. x-Ri isterEg Oregon City land office. .J* M A R T IN , P A IN T E R , House, sign »»<1 ornamental, grain ing, kalsoming and paper hanging. DSI.I.A*. - - ORBGON MOTOR TIME T A B L E . Laave* Iudejiendeiice for Monmouth and Airlie - j IQ ^ uj 8:30 p in L m . m Independnc. lor Monmouth end 1,10 . in 7:15 pm Leaves Monmouth for Airlie — H tm 3:50 p m Leaves Monmouth for Pnll-m— I j l am " ¡80 p m Laares Airlie for Monmouth and Independence— MM» m I>»» , . Loaves Dallas for Monmouth an » Inue *euden;e— 8 30 p m. 1pm R. o . CRAVEN p ren U lfn t. R K. WII.LIAMH. * naliler. W . G. V A S SA LL, a s s is ta n t C ash ier DALLAS OF CITY DALLAS, HANK OREGON, Transacts a general banking ousi- toess in all its branches; buys ami selle •echante on principal points in the CTniteil States; makes collections on all points in the Pacitic Northwest; loans money and discounts paper at the best »sites; allow interest on time deposits. vimt DR. JORDAN ’ S aa<AT( MUSEUM OF ANATOMY; last atMSf tT.,U«r*tKI»W.ML I T h e t-ar^rat AiMt'.unicai Mueeuw 1 » tfce WcrML WeAknesSS* or any cwntrxctffrl d ie r v e poaiH*Flyc»s«ii >y the oldest S fje a a lu t ih« Coast. Eat 36 years. | V . ^ OR. J0;t3AN —DISEASES OF MEN I avi-Hti.ia thoroughly eratflrated j front »yst«t without the u-e of Meresary. 1 Tmu«a fitted by an Kapert. Rail* rail «are 'nr Msptars. A quick and radical cure far ^1 !•“•« Haaare and Ftstnlar. hy Df. Jordan’s speatai pain m aa I*« method«. Consultation free and striepy prfeate. Treatment per- A suHr nr by letter. A /r»*ff»re Curt in eeery case V . v s » b. M r s u .o e ip n v , | 'iAH RIAaC. MAiLbD FREE. {A raJuah» » book » > • * « . ) Call oe »rite I 1 DIt JORDAN & CO.. 1081 Market S t . » F. F. H. MUSCOTT. TRUCKM AN. D a lla s : O re g o n A fair «liare of patronage Milicited •n d all o-tier* promptly filled. Dallas Foundry! — A L L R IlfD F O F — IRON WORK TO ORDER R e p a irin g P rom p tly Done. ED. BIDDLE. ■ si -11 reispecuiig musiKiood. cue oi me HOW TO LIV E A C EN TU R Y. supreme essentials of free government, A T e m p e ra te C lim ate, R ou tin e H a b fostering love for the nation and bring ta s a d its and P la ta P o o d A re K eeeatlala. ing content and happiness into the hearts of hundreds of thousands of our The medical authority of tbe New people. And while this is being ac York Journal, Dr. James J. Walsh, tells complished manhood will be elevated In a recent number o f that paper bow “ I have used Ayer’s Hsir Vigor and the nobler side of life developed to live 100 years. for thirty yesrs. It is elegsnt for Instead of the savage or brutal in • bsir dressing and for keeping the No questiou is more Interesting to the stincts being fostered, as is Inevitably hair from splitting at the ends.” — general public than bow life may be » F o r I n fa nts and Children, tli- case in a war for conquest. Fur J. A . Gruenenfelder, Grantfork, IU. prolonged. O f late 100 years has been thermore. the immense benefit to gen the term of mortal desires. There Is a eral business, which always accompa club of prospective centenarians en nies the extensive circulation o f money gaged In the serious study of the among large umbers of tie people means best calculated to enable them and which has been so r»*d a factor to reach their tenth decade of years. In stimulating business during and Im The countries that furnish the largest mediately after periods of war. will XVcifetcIicrreparalieiiCirAs- number of centenarians are those In be accomplished without the sacrifice ;• i mil aliii j i!w; ’cot! tdn - which life is taken the easiest. We of thousands of ablebodied wealth Imi'tire b lu m i's a:ci i.V.web i f have not the statistics for China, or it creators, in a word, the prosperity would surely prove the happy possess that will e^sue from the Increased or of the largest number of inhabitants activity will not be accompanied by the i ’t who are veritably very old fogies by shadow of death resting over the having three figures to represent their Promotes Digísüon.Clicerfti!- ¡ homes of the land or by the spoliation ages. ness and Pest.Conlmiis neiilter i of the nation through the destruction Sl.M ■ bottle. All druggists. According to statistics, the greatest Opt. mi .Morphine nor Minera!. | of thousands of its bravest citizens. number of centenarians to the popula “ In the great arid plains east of the N o t K .u tc o t ic : . If your druggist cannot supply you, tion occur in Servla. Of this little Rocky mountains ami in many of the send us one dollar and we w ill express country’s 2,250,000 inhabitants 575 are you a bottle. Be sure and give the name western mountain states there are mil of your nearest express office. Address, Ahy* VfJ/J ItrXWLSLFIlVJtTff more than 100 years old. Servla is ad lions upon miilions of acres of im J. C. A YE R CO., Lowell, Mass. mlrably situated to foster longevity. Sad- mensely rich land which under irriga s/lx Sj/i/ut • Lying between the forty-third and for tion would almost instantly blossom liotktlla S+lU - j4nueSert! * Into gardens, orchards and fields of from reality rather than from a seer’s ty-fifth parallels of north latitude, it is J'afneinvnf - wheat and grain, but which today are vision of a future Utopia were this neither too hot in summer nor too cold lit CiutouatrSoda * yt6npSe*J dry, parched desert expanses. Take, army of wealth producers now waging in winter. Its winter months especial Ctrained . \\i/jar MftAlyrmm flavor. for example, the state of Nevada. Ilere its Industrial warfare in Nevada under ly are equable and not liable to sudden we have « 5 , 000,000 acres of arid land proper generalship for the establish changes. Its industrial and commer A pence I Remedy forConslipa- that by proper irrigation can be made ment of this proposed co-operative com cial condition Is not active enough to make Its people lose much sleep In fion, Sour Stoinach,Diarrhoea as fruitful ns the productive regions of monwealth.” business worry. Its politics are capri Worms .Convulsions .Feverish California, Colorado and Utah. • • • Thomas E. Will, formerly president ness and L O S S O F SLEEP. “ Again, take the question of a per of Kansas Agricultural college, now of cious, but very few of the inhabitants Í manent levee for the Mississippi river. Ruakin college at Trenton, Mo., wrote: take interest enough in things political Fac Simile Signature oT to disturb their digestion over them. ‘There are, says ex-Goveruor Llouel “ As a measure of practical politics Sheldon, ‘over 23,000,000 acres exposed such a step should prove to be wisdom * On the other hand, where competition to overflow from the mouth of the itself. The first duty of government Is und the struggle for life arouse inten NEW v o m ì. Ohio to the gulf of Mexico. The pro to care for the people—to see that each sity of effort and call for th<* expendi •Y; A i o T fi 03 ^ I Tk<srl' f ».iti V. a ductive power of these lands is not ex is provided with the opportunity for ture of vital energy at high pressure jj.u os celled In any part of the world, and useful labor, rational development and centenarians are few. In Germany, by proper cultivation they would an the living of a complete life. The par with 55,000,000 of people, there are but nually nd<5 many hundreds of millions ty so long dominant in America has 78 more than 100 years old. scarcely EXACT COPY OF W R A P P E R . of dollars to the national wealth aud maintained Its grip largely by Its nomi more than one In a million of popula r afford profitable employment for sev nal observance of this principle. Its tion. w'hile Servla 1ms nearly 300 to « _________________________________________ *00 THE CENTAUR COMPANY. NEW YORK CITY. eral hundreds of thousands of people.’ ‘protective’ policy, w’ hich, had its real each million inhabitants and Ireland “ Eminent engineers who have ex workings been understood, should have about 150 to the million. In Germany the number of living centenarians lias am lm -1 the levees under the auspices proved a nilllstmio ..... - v -- of the Mississippi river commission ucru vo it instead a tower of strength, constantly decreased during these lust agree that the problem can be success because the people have believed that 50 years. The ratio of decrease has fully solved if a sufficient amount is it ‘made work’ for them and secured been aliout proportionate to Germany’s appropriated for so gigantic an under to them the opportunity to earn a liv advance in industrial and commercial S T E R 'S INTERNATIONAL DICTIONARY activity. taking. which would require substan ing * • 4 tial uniformity iu the width of the “ And thus multitudes of men will ! In France there are 214 centenarlaus 1JE.W E D I T I O N J U S T IS S U E D channel of »he river by building spurs continue to vote, for their ‘Job’ is their ! in# a population of 40.000,000. In the NEW PLATES THROUGHOUT aqd dikes at points where the Missis life. Suppose, now. n political party 1 French country districts life is as slow sippi is too wide, the proper riveting of actually In sympathy with the people as It is anywhere in the w’orld. and the Now Added , Phrases, Etc. the banks wherever caving Is likely to should boldly announce the policy of , people are even slow to die. Paris al R i c h B in d i n g s 4 2 3 6 4 P a g e s ^ 5 0 0 0 I l l u s t r a t i o n s occur, together with the building of directly furnishing employment at good most makes up for this by demanding Prepared under the supervision o f W . T. Harris, Ph.D., L L .D ., United States permanent levees of a height ijnd pay and reasonable hours to com- ' on an average the sacrifice of about Commissioner of Education, assisted by a large corps o f competent specialists. strength sufficient to confine the wa petent workers, the money for this one-fifth of his life from every inhab B e t t e r T h a n E/ver f o r H o m e , S c h o o l, a n d O f f i c e . ters of the channel. It is stated that purpose to be raised by taxing not the itant. Tbe average length of life is one- Also Webster C o lle g ia 'e D ic t io n a r y with Scottish Glossary, etc. Bince 1805 the cost o f repairs has poor, who now' bear tbe burden of tax fifth less in Paris than iu the rest of ;-r class in quality, second class in size.” amounted to considerably over $40.- ation, but the rich, w'ho now evade it— France. To live 100 years, then, we 000 , 000 ; yet. owing to the fact that this the corporations, the trusts and the es should live In a mild climate In tbe Spcu'ihoffèlU''. etc.^of bo(h bi>ok\.iXt om. affiatai ^ work is of a temporary character, the tates of dead millionaires. What poli temperate zone, where there are not G. &. C. MERRIAM GO./PuÌ>1ish<rs, Springfteld^ Mass., O'. S. A. many sudden changes of temperature benefits that would be derived from a tics could be more practical? Upon and especially w’ here it Is not very cold permanent levee are lost, and every what surer foundation could a party in the winter time. Anxious ambition few years the floods necessitate fresh build Its claim for power? And what should be «et aside. The intense desire expenditures of vast sums of money.” policy would be more beneficent in to succeed must be suppressed. A rou Professor Frank i ’arsons of Boston its operations?” tine life. In which nothing Is done to University School o f Law, in his reply Rev. Robert E. Bisbee of East Pep- day that can possibly be put off till to L U C A S & D O D D , Proprietors. to Mr. Flower, gives emphatic Indorse perell. Mass., agrees that It would be morrow, must be followed. All sources ment to the proposal that the govern better to spend money In Irrigating of worry must be eliminated. Life must ment’s millions and men can be more arid lands In preference to employing be spout mainly out of doors. Tbe food profitably employed as suggested in the our millions In foreign conquest and FALLS C IT Y . OREGON. must be plain and not abundant. The foregoing than In war upon Filipinos wars of exploitation, but “ the trouble Manufacturers oL** game uiny not be worth the candle, of or any like people for the purpose of is some where else and deeper. It lies course, and then, too, you may be enlarging “ our trade.” Professor Par in the monopoly of the tools of labor. struck by an engine or the bacillus of sons closes his contribution thus: I mean all kinds of labor. Including typhoid fever, and that will upset you Dealers in«^t “ Such a plan would not accomplish transportation as well as production. and your calculation»—before the cen all that needs to be done by any means, If the present private monopolistic 8 ys- D ry Goods, Groceries, Boots, Shoes, H ardw are, Fresh tury t» completed. but every student of history knows tem Is allowed to exist, to irrigate arid and Salt M eats at Lowest Prices. _ that progress is a growth and the oak lauds would be at best but a tem W h a t “ M erce rised ” i n » . cannot grow in a day. Thorough edu porary measure of relief. In a few Mercerized Is a term that Is frequent W e buy everything the fern er has to sell at highest market price. cation, co-operative industry, public years tbe people would be as helpless ly used with reference to various fab Mills located 3J miles from Fulls City on Rock creek road. Store at; ownership, direct legislation, just taxa as ever. W e may as well fight the bat rics nowadays, and. although It repre Falla City, Oregon. Telephone connection with mill. Get our prices [ tion, equal opportunity and fair diffu tle for human rights here and now as sents n process that was Inveuted al before buying elsewhere. We will surprise vou. Yours for Falls City sion of wealth, industrial and political to postpone the evil day. The burning most half a ceutury ago by a French business. L U C K IA M U T E M IL L CO. democracy, human brotherhood, the question of tbe hour is how to secure man named Mercer, It has only come sovereignty of love and devotion as the for the laborer a Just return for his In general use during the last half dec Bring in your babies under one year old and we will give them free a fane gold ’ dominant ideal—those are the things toil—bow’ to render him an equitable ade. Cotton Is mercerized by being ring, warranted or five years. ... • l—. ‘. - - —*—.**- --* the world is iu deepest need of. But share in the products of bis hand and we cannot get them by any magic of brain. If the man who earns seven sudden transformation. We must pairs of shoes a day receives only 99 climb the mountain a step at a time, wages enough to buy one pair, the i t and every step away from war and question is how to order things so that barbarism, eonliict. mastery, greed aud be may secure the other six pairs or That is the heartfelt cry o f many a oppression toward peace aud liberty their equivalent. This is the problem mother who «ces her beloved child wast and Justice, mutual help and the ele of Justice which It Is the duty of ing and fading day by day. Sometimes it's M A R T I N B R O S , P R O P R IE T O R S . vation of la I »or Is a step toward the government to solve, and until It Is too late for medical aid to help the child. It is so weak, so solved all other questions sink into A l l kinds of rough and dressed lu m b e r on hands or c u t ! grand brotherhood of man the twen I lacking in stamina tieth century ought to evolve, and ev romparatlve Insignificance. The solu [that there is no to order. W e can till any order for lu m ber of an y length ' ery step In the opposite direction Is a tion of this question will Involve tbe vantage ground of help. It Includes tbe step backward toward primeval sav solution of others. prom ptly. One o f the results agery and the tiger epoch In man’s problem of the unemployed.” o f the use o f Dr. history or the still lower level of or [Pierce’s Favorite S la b wood fo r cook stoves or harvest engines at 50 cents ganized intelligence under the domin Prescription ' p r e - A S in c e r e G i r l . ceeding maternity “ Miss Goldbj flattabpd me veliwjr ion of brutish instincts.” a load. is a strong, healthy Rev. Ilirnm V room an of Boston ac much yestahday,” said Freddie Hay re- i c h ild . Thousands „ ______pi rue :|m-N Tuunciatea by [o f mothers testify cepts Mr. Flower's views as a general bra ne. [to this. Frequently “ Indeed?” our Declaration of Independence, which , proposition and goes on to a sugges mothers write, " I “ Ya ns. She told me that when I ! for more than a century made the j tion for their application by proposing I was never able to Ah ARMYtDF WEALTH CREATORS VER t'nfted States the great leader of free ! as a method a eo-opcratlve common came out on the stage In ouah pwivate j (raise a child before I using" Favorite Pre- ; governments ami the chief source of wealth Iri Nevada, established and sup theatwlcals I looked good enough to SUS AN ARMY OF DESTRUCTION. Iscription,” or " A ll ; inspiration to struggling manhood ported by the government until It be | ont.” my other children “ Well, that Is substantially what she ; throughout civilization? Furthermore, ! came self supporting. (are sickly except | f'on i| U F R t o f A r i d I'ln in n P r e f e r a b l e this one, and J took if it can be shown to be clearly prac- ! “ The establishment by the govern i remarked to me. Hhe said your face t o W n r i o f E x p l o i t a t i o n —H o w t h e 1 tical to establish an army of wealth | ment of a small co-operative common was like a boiled lobster.” —Leslie’s your ‘ Favorite Prescription ’ this tim e.” (J o t e m i n e n t C a n F u r n i s h W o r k t o A ll the child » strength comes from the I creators, which, while virtually bauish- wealth in Nevada Is a plain business ! Weekly. mother. " Favorite Prescription " gives the th e l n e m p lo y e d . “ ’ !ng uninvited poverty from our laud, i proposition. The government could ac- mother strength to give her child. A D ir e T h r e a t . There is no alcohol in " Favorite Pre P». O. Flower, editor of The Arena, shall promote self respecting manhood coniplisb it witli no injustice to any ex “ I f you do not marry me,” he cried, ; ” it contains neither opium, co 1 pent a letter presenting the question, and enable tens of thousands of our isting business interests and with no I “ I shall seek death In Its most terrify- scription caine, nor anv other narcotic. It is a 1 ‘‘An Army of Wealth Creators Versus citizens to secure homes aud inde possible ri-k of financial loss, provided j ing shape.” purely vegetable and perfectly harmless It took proper precautions against the medicine In any condition o f the female pendence, will it not lie the Imperative nil Army of Destruction,” to half a thieving of corrupt politicians. This j “ Hub,” remarked the frivolous young system. ilozen well known reformers anil so I duty o f every patriotic citizen to agi- j ■ person to whom his remarks were ad- Accept no «ubstitutc for "Favorite Pre , tate and in every way possible further undertaking would necessitate the gov licited replies from them on the sub- | dressed. “ 1 suppose you wlU go to scription." There is nothing "just as good " a movement looking toward changing • ernment's advancing certain capital for woman’s ills. ' ;®ct. !u the May Arena the resi»ouses our army o: destruction into a wealth sufficient to cover the necessary first 1 war.” Sick women are invited to consult Dr. i “ No,” he said In the lo*. tense tones Pierce, by letter, free. Correspondence ! are published, preceded by ?»Ir. Flow creating army of constructive useful investments. That p»>rtlon of the land confidential. Address Dr. R. V. Pierce, Buf i of desperation; “ I shall become a base er's communication. Aside from the ness? which the government does not already falo, N. Y. j ball umpire.” —Baltimore American. ethical phases of the war of conquest “ Within the borders of our own do own would have to be purchased. The **I am so thankful for what I>r. Pierce's Fa In the Philippines Mr. Flower asked main there are virgin fields of vast first equipment of machinery, outfits vorite Prescription has done for me.” writ** S t i l l mt It . Mrs. John T. Smith, o f Hlocan. British Columbia ; ids correspondents to look at the prob extent, onl; awaiting the aid of gov and temporary wages for the support “ Oh. stop, stop!” cried Willie’s papa. (Box 50 ). " f t helped me through the long lem "from the viewpoint of business ernment directed industry in order to of the workers would cover most of the months o f pregnancy and I have a Mg. strong snccess and political security. Are yield riches far exceeding any poeslble needed outlay of capital. For this the “ Haven’t I told you not to ask foolish baby girl, tne most healthy o f alt my three, and it cured me of s disease which wiu* ta ing away questions? Everything 1 say to you , th; re not ways open at onr door by return that we can reasonably hope government could amply »ecure Itself all my strength." goes In one ear and out the other.” which for cn incomparably less outlay i for from commerce that may come as by taking low Interest bearing bonds Pree. Dr. Pierce’s Common Sense M ed "Pa.” said Willie seversi minutes 1 than the cost of prosecuting this war i n result of our war o f conquest in «the upon the Q.00«MY)O acres o f land and Its ical Adviser is sent free on receipt of later, “ If you was to plug up the other stamps to pay expense o f mailing only. ; of conquest the govt i *iment might iu- cist, and th»* calling into the market of future Improvements sufficient to cov ear what you say to me would have to Send ti on*“-cent stamps for the book M : crease her wealth products and vastly this wealth nil] r<>su!t in giving work er the entire outlay. cloth oinding, or ?l one-cent stamps for turn around and come out where it enrich her people without the destruc- to the unemployed, thus maintaining , “ A picture as beautiful as Bellamy's iper covered. peper covered Address Dr. R. V, Pierce, *Tx»ki ntr Backward’ m«*M h* I n . * « went In, wouldn't It?” —Philadelphia Buffalo. N. V. j flon o f life or the surrender ^ Ths Kind Yen Have / 1 ways Bought Bears th Signatiin of H air-splittine splits friendships. If tne nair- splitting is done on your own head, it loses friends for you, for every hair of your head is a friend. Ayer’s Hair Vigor in advance will prevent the splitting. If the splitting has begun, it will stop it. In Use For Over Thirty Years 11 25,000 NEW WORDS O regon Room 3, Weinbard budding Opposite Courthouse. A .. NO 26. O R E G O N , A U G U S T 2, 1901. PROP. L U C K IA M U T E M IL L C O M P A N Y Lumber, Shingles, Lath, Pickets, Etc., Upper S a lt C re e k Lum b erin g THE BETTER W AY. Co Save the CHIMI Tribune Bícycles<át “T H E Y A 8 Y R U N N I N G N O IS E L E S S W H E E L Roadtteri, |35 nod $40. Light roadvler, aud racer, $50. Chain* Its, $60 and $75. Tribune cuah* ion frame, $60 end upward. T ri bune coaater brake model, $5 ex tra. 1 am having the beet T ri bune trade 1 have ever known, due 1» the fact that tba wheel* have proven tiieiuaelvee to be all that wa, claimed for them. Com * and ate the line. F. A WIGGINS, 257 Liberty^street, Salem eui|>uur. in order to avoid contraction, aa tlie result of tbe forming of a soda cellulose, tbe yarn is stretched b j me chanical means. Through this mercer- ixlng process the yarn becomes elastic and translucent, more readily absorbs moisture und Is closer and more lus trous. All tbe Itnpurltlea are removed from tbe titter, leaving Dotblng but tbe cleun cotton to be dyed or bleached. Mercerised cotton. It Is claimed, takes the dye more readily thnn the unmer- cerlzed, and the color obtained la not so easily affected by llgbt or cbemical re agents, while tbe luster resembles the sbeen of silk and is as durable as tire fabric Itself. Mercerised yarns are now utilized in the manufacture of under wear, dress fabrics and upholstery ma terials and are frequently combined with worsted or silk. C oaslag T a b s re w lo s ls C s s f r w a A great congress Is to be held In London on July 22 of this year on the subject of tuberculosis and the discus sion of the experiences obtained in vari ous countries for tbe cure of consump tion and the best methods to adopt for Its eradication. The congress will last five days, and It will tie supported by delegates from all parts of the world, who will advance any Informa tion relative to the subject at their command. The klug of EnglSDd, who has alwayB taken a keen Interest In the cure of this malady, will open the con gress. O dc of the leading features will be a museum containing a number of pathological and bacteriological Instru ments. charts, models, etc.—Scientific American. T b e P ro m oter*« W o o l . , . “That young trolley line promoter Is going to marry Mabel.” “ I didn’t suppose he’d find time to propose.” "Yes; the second time be called he asked her If he couldn’t have a perpet ual option on the right o f way to her heart.” —Cleveland Plain Dealer. T h e E t e rn a l M asculine. Mr. Ferguson—So you lost your pock et book in r. bargain counter crush, did you? Why didn’t you keep your wits about you? Mrs. Ferguson—I f that Isn't Just like a man! Expect a woman to keep her wits about her when she’s at a bargain counter!—Chicago Tribune. G enlna Deflned. “ Is he a man of ability?” ” Is he? Why, he not only knows that he doesn’t know much, hut he has the ability to keep others from knowing It.” —Philadelphia Times. T h « H ew C oo kery. Since Little goes to cookin school the house don't ■eem the tame; host everything we get to eat has got a fancy name. An none of It la what we Ilka. But what'a the uae to kick? I reckon It’a all right ao long aa it don’t make ue sick. But, aomehow—well, Fm gittin tired of tbia here “ contommsy" J»n aalada that’s aa spiritless as last yaar*a crop of bay. lines Little goea to cookin achool aha don’t eook like her me; She has to have a apron on—the beat you ever MW. It's frilled an puckered here an there an trimmed around with lace; I reckon Uasle’ ll be all right when ahe haa at ruck But, aomehow—well. It aeema to me I can’t Just get the hang Of, when I'm eatln custard pie, to call R a Since Little goes to cookin school we don’t get no more mush, An when I aay I’d like eoroe greens ahe aaya, “ Now, pa. you hush!” Hho hold» a fool the’ mo me ter on everything ah« cook» An acolds because the cook stove won’t run ’ cord- in to the books; But, somehow—well, the things don’ t seem good after they are carved; knee Little goea to cookin achool—why, my. I’ m blame near starved I —Baltimore American. “K w l a r r a , " “ K « « a « « B , ” Ete. Towne—Hubbub, tells me he baa > Queen Anne cottage In Algnburst. Browne—Ob. tbst’s tbe way be pro nounces It now. eb? Tow n .—Pronounce* what? Browne — Quinine. — Philadelphia Press A m 111 Essresoed Ides. “ How much Is that employee short?” luqulrcd tbe commercial acquaintance. "Short!" echoed tbs bank director. “ W e’re tbe onee who are short. H e Is away ahead of tbs same.” —Waoh- Ington Star. What Tam ale Said. Admiring Mother — Now, Tommy, what do yon say to Mr. Blldad for glr- Inc you that penny? Tommy—Please. Mr Blldad. I wteht It wus a OtekeL—Ohio Stats Journal. — —