f BANGS. W h y H a l f U t H a a s « a r e F a le a —A F a i h - m u u t k a i F o b b e d th e L a d le , o f th e ir F rea k H a ir . There were (at women and thin women, ugly women and pretty women, dowdy women and stylish women, old ana young, all sorts and conditions, shapes ana sixes, without regard to race, color, or previous condition of servitude, that passed in two unending streams in and out the open doorway o f a hair-cutting es­ tablishment on Chestnnt street re­ cently. Each component of the in­ com ing mass o f femininity secured a large white card that looked like a . " , . a _________ i ___ ___. . . i “ prinked” in front of it gave most o f her attention to the lank or curly locks on her marble or otherwise brow. Then each advanced to the counter and didn’t have any change. Change was made for each and each departed. THIS IS THX SHINOLID BANG. “ Whence this tidal wave?” said a Times reporter to Mr. Hopkins, the manager. “ ‘Tidal waves’ are out o f fashion. This is the ‘shingled bang.’ From the 27th day o f May to the 26th of June this year we out 8,050 ‘Bhingled bangs,’ ” continued the manager. 4 The movement struck us in May and we worked in full force every day through that month till the 27th on the old system o f ‘next.’ So we in troduced checks. Each lady, as she enters, gets a numbered check, which she takes up-stairs with her and waits till her number is called. Some of ’em wait for hours. Frequently we find a dozen standing in front o f the shop when we open at 8 o’clock. We have turned away fifty and sixty in a day. Since June 26th the number has risen from an average o f 100 a day to at least 150. On many days we cut 200, and 180 is a verv usual number. We have nine dressers working all the time.” “ What is the shingled bangt” asked the reporter. A MAN’ S H A IR . S I lfP L Y “ The shingled bang is simply a man's hair cut. W e begin at the forehead, and raising the hair on our fingers cut right straight back to the art between the front and back P hi air, which is just at the ears. We graduate the length as we cut back, leaving it longest at the forehead. The hair thus removed is from six to twenty-four inches in length.” •‘What makes it so fashionable?” was asked. “ Well, it’s cooler a good deal, for one thing, and it saves an immense amount o f trouble; just half the work o f hair dressing. Ladies only have to ‘do’ their back hair now, and so they don’t Bwaller but half the number of hairpins they used to, and so have twice the number of boot and glove button hooks. There are only half the numlier of breakfasts and dinners kept waiting and only half as much masculine profanity ns there used to be. The shingled bang has an evangelizing influence.” “ Then married women effect the shingled bang?” “ Of course they do, in great num bers. Although the larger part of our customers are ‘misses,’ we shingle many a gray head. One woman who was here yesterday must have been 55 years old, and frequently we cut hair whose roots are over 40.” G R A Y B A IR VERY VALUABLE. “ Isn’t that gray hair very valua ble?” was asked. “ Yes, by far the most so. So val uable that its owners invariable keep it after it’s cut. W e give it to them as they leave.” “ Are there any other fashionable bangs’ ” “ There is a very curious bang that is very difficult to cut, and, like the G recian bend and other queer fash­ ions, probably originated accidentally. It is called the ‘steps’ bang and simply consists in cutting the hair in ridges like a terrace across the head. It is just the kind o f coiffure that is arrived at by a woman who triss to cut her own hair straight and doesn’t succeed, because she doesn't know the trick of raising the hair as sho prooeeds. Somebody did it, I sup pose, one day, and some one else who saw her before she had time to go to a hairdresser’s and get herself fixed up thought it was a new fashion, and b o it started. We have many instan­ ces of ladies who try to cut their own bangs and then have to come to us. Q> ueer cuts they are. Some have cut their hair off the right side, and can't th< get any further: others have let the scissors slip, and slashed out a front like a Virginia rail fence.” CUTTING BANGS UKTIL TEN »'C LO CK AT NIGHT. “ I was cutting bangs till 10 o’clock last night.” said Mrs. Buch. as she stood behind the counter o f her es­ tablishment on Ninth street, sur rounded by what seemed to be an array of scalps. “ The last customers I had were two young ladies, one of whom had curly hair. “ Why didn’ t yon make my bangs like hers?” said the other. “ Why don’t yon have curly hair?” said I. Curly hair is muon prettier in a bang. All these which you see are false bangs. There are just as many false bangs worn ns real ones,” said Mrs. Buch confi­ dentially. “ We can not begin to Bupply the demand.” "M ercy 1” gasped the reporter, “ are the women getting bald?” ARE ALL THX WOMEN OETTING BALD? “ No,” was the answer, “ but they don’t want to cut their hair. They can’t be out of. the fashion, but they know that the fashion will change. Besides their husbands object to their spoiling their hair, ns they call it One lady whose hair I did cut last night said that her husband had threatened to pull the rest o f her hair out if she had any cut off. Thr.t is a Langtry bang,” said Mrs. Buch, pointing to a row o f glossy clusters, whose silky auburn was like enough to Julia’s tresses to have proven an unequal match for nine tenths o f the hair-dresser’s customers. “ That and the ‘shingled’ bang, the straight hair here, are tho most fashionable. We import all the hair. Yon can't got hair in this oountry in any quantity. People keep it themselves. The best quality is called French hair, no matter where it comes from. It is the trade name. The yellow hair is mostly imported from Denmark. In making a rang o f any kind o f false hair each single spear has to be tied by hand in bits o f netting. The beet o f this netting is made in Paris from white human hair. It costs 60 and, as you see. looks hair exactly like the hu The inferior quality is silk and coats $6 a yard, i la, it turns yellow. Here’s tic artist, taking an iron-silk front ont o f a book. “ See, that hair is like «ilk and all that curl is natural. That’s going to Atlantic City, but all the sea fog in New Jersey won’t tin curl it. That’s a $10 one. They rr from $3.50 up.—( Philadelphia Times. DRESS RXF0RM. “ I want to call your attention to our system o f d ' es reform,” com ­ menced an ancieLt dame with a very wide mouth, as she entered the man aging editor’s sanctum and threw hor hat on the table. “ Looks very pretty,” murmured the managing editor, surveying the Bloomer costume with a critical eye. “ See how free and easy every thing is,” continued the woman, brandish ing her arms and skipping around. “ D id you ever see anything to equal that?'" “ Don’ t think I ever did,” replied the managing editor calmly. " I ’m ed to say that I never saw ng anywhere that bore any re­ semblance to it.” S pre ting all the limbs and _ n « play to all the muscles, N.otic« that?” “ Don’ t really see anything else,” clamored the admiring editor. “ That element seems to be the mainstay of the whole business.” “ Now I want this paper to pick shis scheme up and make it popular among the ladies of the nation. Are you prepared to go into that branch of philanthropy?” “ It’s a little out of tho line o f my duties,” responded the managing ed­ itor. “ I ’ll call in the religious edi tor. He knows about such things.” “ I see, I see,” muttered the re ligious editor as he took the show in at a glance. “ You keep those panta loons up with suspenders. I reckon.” “ That’s just it,” replied the de lighted reformer. “ That is where this costume approaches that of a man, and therefore is perfectly com fortable.” “ Suppose you bust a suspender, what do you propose to do about that?” asked the religious editor delicately. “ Sew it up,” replied the woman promptly. “ But suppose you’re on a picnic and there is no needle handy?” “ I don ’t know, murmured the woman meditatively. “ Tell me frankly,” demanded the religious editor sternly, “ do you know how to fasten a suspender with a stick?” “ No I don’t,” retorted the woman. “ Have you ever seen a woman who does?” “ I don't believe I ever have,” turned the reformer. “ I supposed so,” commented the religious editior. “ I thought so. Now, another thing. D o yon know how to tie a button on with a B t r i n g ? ’ “ I have never tried to,” B t a m m e r e d the woman. “I wouldn’t have believed you if you had," continued the religious editor. “ You begin to see where your dress reform will come out in case o f accident. But there is some­ thing else. You have suspenders for your pants and another pair for your socks. Now suppose you were dress­ ing in a hurry and those suspenders got mixed, and you put the pair for the socks on tho pants and the pants pair on the Bocks. And suppose you hoisted the socks up to the collar bone and you found your panta were beginning to slip—” “ You’re a brute!” howled tha wom­ an, as she made a break for tho door. “ That was rather tough, wasn’t it?" asked tho managing editor, re­ garding the disappearing figure with an emotion o f relief. " I don't know,” replied tho re ligious editor, looking longingly at tho bottom drawer o f the manging editor’s desk. “ Underneath all her dress reform she was strapped up like a mule in a blacksmith's shop, and I knew it. I f she hadn’ t scat tered on that last question, she would on tho next, so it was only a matter o f time. “ How do you like that apple-jack I saw you tasting an hour or so Hgo?” —[Brooklyn Eagle. ■----------- . . . . . -------— N E E D MORE H U M B L E M EN . While old John was acting as spe­ cial justice o f the peace, a young ne­ gro charged with bigamy, was ar­ raigned before him. ‘i t do Beem ter me,” said John, surveying tho prisoner, “ dat de young men ob tor day ain’t got no sense nohow. De worl’ is a elidin' back all de time an’ de 'sperience ob one man ain’t wuf a cent ter a nud der man.” “ Jedge, I ’se sorry dat I'se violated de law,” the younp negro said, look ing tip with tliat air of supplication which the ropentant colored gentle­ man can so artfully assume. “ I ain’t er talkin' ’bout do law,” tho judge replied. “ I was talkin’ 'bout de little sense a man shows in marry in’ twicet. It’s bad nuff ter marry once, but from two times may de Lawd save me. I ’se a married man, as much ob a married man as de common rub ob men, an’ its jes’ as much ns I ken do ter git along, but ef I was married ter two sich women as my wife is, dar wouldn’ t be hu man power nuff in die town to keep me onten de riber. G o on home, sail, an’ lib wid yer wives; suffer though de season an' by de time de frost conies an’ de leaves turns yaller, yer’ll be de right sort ob man ter go out an' preach de gospel ob hunul ity. W e need moro humble men in dis community.” “ How delightful the country air is this morning," remarked Miss Fit* joy ns she stepped to the threshold and looked toward the rising sun. “ I should like to live here alwnys. “ Well I guess Josh wouldn’t object,” said Farmer Bobinson, with a sly wink. And then Josh scud around the corner of the house and began yelling at the cows, and Miss Fitzjoy started to take down her crimps so as to look as pretty as possible by break­ fast time.—(Hartford Post. ' • »•» «------ ----- A great deal of fun has been made of the Milwaukee maiden's mouth, but the Polish girl who stole #25 in trade doll.rs and hid them under her tongue, is entitled to the entire bakery. If the trade dollar must go, by all means give it to the fair Pole and let her chew it — ■ -■ » # . — - Owing to a peculiar combination of circumstances, together with ad­ vanced years, an elderly spinister discovered that the man she loved wouldn't have her, she wrung her parrot’s neck, poisoned her poodle, and then bought a lot in the ceme U*y. """ " > »#■ «---------- - While a woman was shaving a cna- mer into a Gloucester, Mass., barber shop the lightning knocked the ra­ zor ont of hand, so that it cut off a e o f his ear. These female bar are too magnetic C SPOOPENDYKE. A S h ort C r u is e .--H o w S p o o p o m ly k e nud W ife Set th e ir G ib amt P u sh e d O ff.-- A D e lig h tfu l Sail. T H E L IM E K IL N CLU B . Every member of tho club seemed to feel that something unusual was about to occur. The president and Giveadaui Jones were observed con ­ sulting a dream book in the most careful manner. Waydown Beebe opened a new bottle of red ink with much formality; Samuel Shin walked around with his hands in his pockets aud his left eye drawn down; • I’ rof. Slugger Catosh willed his brow with one hand nud patted Shindig Wat kins on the back with the other; and all in all. even Corduroy Taylor and Elder Toots couldn’t help but realize that tho usuul routiun of events was to bo interrupted. At length tho president nodded te the janitor to sound the triangle, and when the meeting had been declared ojiened, he arose and read the following com ­ munication : “ What was tho trouble between you and another party, Mike, on the avenue last evening?” inquired an Austin citizen o f his Hibernian joirter. "W ell, yer see, sur, it was a bit of a hesitation on his part.” “ A bit o f a hesitation?" “ Yis, sur. Yer see I gave him the choice av mo two fists, an’ he seemed to hesitate loike, an’ when I seen that he' couldn't make up his moind, I jist gave him tho two av ’em fur luck.” I Texas Siftings. Miss Wreckless to old Scruple, who is looking ut a plaque o f her paint- iojc—“ Now, that’s mamma; such a bother as she was; we have no oven, and had to have hor fired out of the house.” Aud Scruple, who is not well versed in the technicalities of China painting, goes o ff in doubt whether it is worse to be untiliul or to talk slang.—| Life. BEST CLOTHING FO R M EN AND BOY8 C. C. HASTINGS & CO., “ My dear!” exclaimed Mr. Spoop­ endyke, bouncing into his wife’s room » Y V X t T F 1 1 A N O I B O O . und interrupting that lady in the — ♦ ---------- purely feminine enjoyment o f un­ R e fe r e n c e s: E v e r y b o d y ! Human foresight, often leaves its packing for the hummer. "M y dear, proudest jiossessor only a choice of there’s no use trying to get evils. along iu the country without a sail­ -------------- - — boat, and I have bought a nice one. T H E D A N G E R OF O V E R -E X E R T I O N . _ and " I ’ ’ll l l sbi come along show you how it The green apple, though coming in slow, is gradually making itself felt. works!” A S U ls ra i t M an Become» W eaker th a n a C h ild “ Ain’t that nice!” giggled Mrs and then R o coveri his Form er S tre n g th . The complicated diseases brought on by in­ Spoopendyke, who stood in mortal tense study, thought, care, anxiety, etc., are I Waterloo, N. Y. Observer 1 terror of the water und was afraid of often o f the most serious nature, lle e d such In these days of rowing giants anti athletic anything shaped like a boat. “ Are heroes fine physical development is more ob­ symptoms as loss of memory, universal lassi­ tude, heart disease, kidney complaints, liver served than ever before since the time of the you going to sail it on the pond?” Athenian games. A man who shows the ele­ troubles, and a general breaking down of health “ At first I thought I ’d suil it down ments of physical power is looked up to far and strength, when thus afflicted, when the cellar,” growled Mr. Spoopeubyke, B o sto n , M ass ., 1883. more than in the days of our ancestors, possi­ least exertion causes great fatigue, when life “ bat the landlord was ufraid it B r o t h e r G a r d i n e r : - Harvard C ol­ bly because there are fewer specimens of well- seems a burden, use the reliable strengthening Brown’s Iron Bitters. It will afford you might upset the milk; then I thought lege has refused to give Gov. Ben developed manhood than then. A n emissary tonic, sure relief. I ’d try the garret, but there’s too Butler a title. Can't your club do of this paper met a magnificent specimen of a few days since iu the i>erson “ M othek S wan ’ s \\ ohm S y u it ,” for fever­ 4 0 5 a n d 4 0 7 S a n s o m e S t ., San Franlsco, Cal much wind up there; so I believe something for him in this direction? McNames, o f Waterloo. His ishness, reatlessnet'S, worms, constipation, I ’ll stick to the river. Hurry up now, Any honors that you may bestow will muscles, which showed unusual development, tasteless. 25c. and I ’ll show yon the biggest boat iu bo heartily appreciated by him and were as hard as wood. A t his request the writer sought to pinch him in the arms or legs, “ R o u g h o n R a t s . ” Clears out rat*, mioo, thirteen counties!” bis MANY FBIE N D S. ▲ N O T H » » 111 T U N T I T I v .*l V O but found it wholly impossible. A realization flies, roaches, bed-bugs, ants, vermin, chip­ “ I f it is as big as that it must have J o h n F . S n o w & C o ’s "G em ’leu,” added tho old man as of what is meant by an iron man was fully munks. 15c. [Frcm tliu i., « t Cleaning ami Dying Kutubliuhment of Han Fran- cost u good deal,” murmured Mis. made manifest. ► ---------- he laid the discount aside, “ we will I cisco lutvo changed their name to P a l a c e |>y e *• Have you always been so stalwart as this?” VITAL QUESTIONS. Spoopeudyke, somewhat reassured consider de queshun us befo’ do house, ; W orkM , .................• but no chango ownership. Tho ... '-■■I*'-' in unuwoui|;i X IIO , cause or change in that ii party by the name of by the size o f the boat. “ I am very an’ I should like a gineral spreshun asked the news gatherer. Ask the mokt eminent physician “ Not by any means,” was the reply. “ When Snow has gone into the same buHinese. All com ­ glad you got a large boat, though, of of opinynn.” a young man I was always strong and active munications hereafter aro to be sent to tho Of any school, what ii tho best thing in the rn la ec* l i y e IV orkM . «;rj Market Btreet, course, the expense—— ” felt that I could accomplish anything. W orld for quieting and allaying all'irritation of Sir Isaac Walpole had heurdagood and Pulaoe Hotel, Ban Francisco. This feeling so took possession of me on one oc­ "W hat d’ye think I ’ve been buying?” deal about Ben Butler. Three or casion that I attempted to lift a box which four the nerves and curing all forms of nervous demanded Mr. Bjioopeudyke, with u four years ago he considered him a men found it impossible to move. I succeeded complaints, giving natural, childlike refresh­ R a l s t o n ’s P h a r m a c y flushed face; “ got some kind of a tough case, but o f late there were in placing it on the wagon, but in two minutes ing sleep always ? J. H. R A L S T O N , notion that I've investeiLuiy wealth strong reasons to hope for reform» from that time I was unconscious and remained s . IV . i 'o r . l*oMt a m i P o w e l l N tr e c t a . And they will toll you unhesitatingly in a salt marsh, with telegraph poles tion, and he was in favor of encour so for hours, and when I recovered OOlIScioUS- SAN FRANCISCO. “ Some form of Hops !” ness I vomited a large quantity of blood. Keeps only First-class Drugs, Pure Chemicals, for masts, haven't ye? Think I ’ve aging him with a title. From that day I began to grow weak and sick­ CHAI’ TXIl I. Fine Perfumes and Toilet Articles. Also a com ­ been laying out money in a town plete list of Thorp A Boyd Brothers’ Specific Ask any or all of tho most eminent physi­ Hon. John Mulchor didn't know ly. I believed that I had suffered some internal Medicines, and all other Electric Preparations. sight, don’t ye? Well, I haven’t and much about the man, lmt if a title injury and experienced a general debility, cians: L V * Proscriptions compounded Day or Night. “ W hat is tho best and only remedy that can I haven’t been buying a rural dis would improve the looks of his wood- which seemed similar to the effects produced by 1*1 i VISITING- U ARDS, Bristol "board, 30c.; pootsge M y back was very weak. I had no be relied on to cure all diseases of the kidr.eys I le*»ra. Editor s .— trict with a rudder to it. It’s a boat, cuts in tho illustrated papers, ho malaria. stamps taken. T. W . LO C K W O O D , Alameda, Cal The above Is a good likeness o f Mi*. Lydia E. Plnk- appetite, and at times loathed food. M y lips and urinary organs; such ns Bright’s disease, I tell ye —a sail boat— and it won’t should vote for a title. bam, o f Lynn, M oms ., who above ail other human boings were parched and cracked. M y head felt as diabetes, retention or inability to retain urine AND N O T X * B A if O F T . though it were entirely open at the top and it and all the diseases and ailments peculiar to m ay be truthfully called the “ D ost Friend o f W oman,1* come up here to make a formal cull; Elders Smith, Wilson, Duvis and 101.1 ‘V æ . • ii otilarr as some o f her correspondents love to rail her. She — so if you’re going to see it, you want Watson were each in favor of a title. pained me on the side intensely. In six weeks women” . .a Do» S». N V s d u i Is sealonsly devoted to her worl:, which is t hr outcome "A n il they will tell you explicitly ami emphatically time I had fallen away from 208 pounils to less to go where it is. Couiinir?” and e f a life-study, and Is obliged t > keep tlx lady Judges Cadaver, Cahoots, Cramp than 170. 1 was in a most wretenod condition. Buchu.” Ask the same physicians: assistants, to help her answer tho large correspondence NOBODY CAN DENY- Mr. Spoopendyke pegged off with ton nud Jones wanted to know if Ben I was completely discouraged.” “ What is the moat reliable ami surest cure for all liver which daily pours In upon her, ea.*U bearing its special dJssttSs or dyspepsia, ocmsttpatlon. Indigestion, billion« “ What did the doctors say about you ?’’ his hut pulled down over his oars and Butler had ever founded n colored or Consumers can depend upon T H E N E W burden o f suiTorlng, or jo y at release from It. Her ness, malarial fever, ague, it c .," ami they will tell you: “ Alm ost everything. I consulted no less E N G L A N D B A K I N G P O W D E R as being the expression of a veteran tur on his phan Hsyluw or gono bail for a col Mandrake! or Dandelion !" Vegetable Com|*cund is a medicine for good and nn$ than six different physicians. They all treated Hence, w hen these remedies w e combined with other« exactly as represented. It is Cream of Tarter eril purposes. I have pcreormLy investigated It and visage. valuable ored man charged with stealing a me and none did me any good. A t that time equally and Bi-Carbonite of Soda of perfect purity, am satisfied o f tb ) truth c f th K Aud compounded into Hop Bitters, such a “ Yes, dear,” replied Mrs. Spoopeu mule ? I was suffering intensely. I could not sit up­ scientifically combined; NOTHING- E LSE . ( Concluded next week.) Or. account o f Ms proven meriti?. It Is recommended right, but was obliged to rest in a cramped, un­ dyke, fluttering after him. "Bay, Tho prico of the N E W E N G L A N D B A K ­ and proscribed by the best physiclaiu in the country. Almost every member had inquiries easy position. I was compelled to urinate ev­ IN G PO W D E It justifies the use of the very One says i “ It works like a charm and raves much dear, I’ll stand on the shore and to make, or suggestions to offer, but ery five minutes, and I passed over three TH E GREAT GERMAN pain. It will cu» o entirely the worst form o f falling best materials. Consumers pay a fair price for you sail the thing.” when the mattor was put to vote it quarts every day. I was not living, I was ex­ the best and get it. o f the uterus, Leneorrhaea, irregular and painful REM EDY “ You won’t do anything of the was decided to grant a title. isting. Menstruation, aU Ovarian Troubles, Indammatlon and I t is self-evident that Baking Powders rep­ “ One night (how well I remembei it) my Ulceration, Floodings, all Displacements nndthecon- kind,” retorted Mr. Spoopeudyke. I resented to be composed of tile same materials “ Den de queshun aroses what title had put the children all in bed when the eequent spinal weakness, and is especially adapted to as the N E W E N G L A N D , and which are sold bought that boat for your pleasure as to gin him?” said the president wife feeling came over me that I should live but a the Change o f Lifo.” to dealers at less than the pure materials them­ much as mine and you’re going to “ L L. D. may mean a Doctor of Divin very short time. M y wife and I talked mat­ R elieves and cures It permeates eve>ry portion o f the system, «nd trlves selves are worth, cannot be pure. sail in it. When I want you to ity, or a doctor who dean’ know a ters all over and I gave the minutest directions new Ilfe and vIgor. I t removes faintness, flatulency, The large demand for N E W E N G L A N D RHEUMATISM, destroys aJi '’ raving fo r stimulants, and relieves weak­ stand on the shore and watch any caso of measles from small-pox; be as to what she should do after I was gone. I B A K IN G P O W D E R , and consequent falling N e u r a lg ia , ness o f the stomAch. It cures Bloating, IIoadaehM, not in a flighty condition by any means, off in the sales of adulterated and inferior pow­ thing, I ’ll hire a mun to drown him­ sides, it’s cheap. N. B., or O. K., or was Nervous Prostration, General Debility, bleoplossuoss, Sciatica, Lumbago, for the doctor, on leaving town the day follow­ ders, has developed a spitefulness on the part Depression and Indigestion. That fueling o f Vrnrlng self. Now look at that boat Isn’t P S., or N. G., am common titles dat ing. bade me good bye, saying he never ex of some manufacturers and dealers. Finding BACKACHE, down, causing pain, weight and backache. !s always she a daisy ? See how she sets on any man kin haul in wid a tisli line pected to see me again, for I was suffering with HEADACHE, TOOTHACHE, permanently cured by its use. It will at all 1 lines, arid that the quality of the N E W E N G L A N D liright’s disease of the kidneys in its last cannot be succcsefully attacked, new brands the water.” under all circumstances, act In harmony with tho law from almost any wharf. I f Gub’ner stages. W ithin the next few days more than SORE THROAT, and close imitations, represented to be as good, “ What are all these clothes lines Butler has turned to dis club in an twenty friends came to bid me good by that governs tho female pystom. Q U IN S Y , S W E L L IN G S , are put on tho market. W ith these they en­ It costa only $1. per bottlo or cix for $5., and Is sold by hanging down from that stick for?” airnest uiamier, as I believe he has, Among the number was Dr. John E. Clark. M P B A IN S , deavor to tempt dealers with low prices, and druggists. Any advice required as to ttpedftl cases, and He asked me what I had used in the way of asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, surveying we must not disnppint him. thus impose on consumers. Soreness, Cuts, Bruises, the names o f manj- who havo been restored to perfect medicines. I told him. He then recommend­ See that the name NEWTON BROS, fc CO* the yacht critically. F R O S T B IT E S , health by tho use o f tho Vegetal lo Compound, can bo W e mils’ gin him a title an’ a ed a remedy o f which I had heard much, but is on every can. obtained l y addressing Mrs. P . , with etum pfor reply, XI I'It NS, SCALDS, “ To play Copenhagen with,” roared legend combined. I shall now pur about which I was very sceptical. I f faith at her home In I.ynn, Mass. © G f c * » * * >*» your owu town. Terms aud «6 outfit A nd a ll other bodily aches Mr. Spoopendyke, who was not at all need to crown him wid D. S. O. A. L. were an element of power it certainly was lack­ w O u fr -i' A H H « u .K T T t ( !o „ Portland,Maine F«-r Kidney Complaint e f e i : n -x t M ’ * .n . pound Is and pains. anxious to be examined on the tech W. Y. G. T. S. I O.’ which stands fur; ing in my case.” unsurpassed as abundant tcrttm- r V . ;• • • . FIFTY CENTS A BOTTLE. “ And so you did not try it?” “ Mrs. Plnkhanj'.'TJver 1*111%” i vs ci.c writer, “ are nieal points of his new acquisition. ‘D oan’ Sot On A Limb When Yon Saoldbyall Druggists and “ On the contrary, I did try it and to my th e best In th v c *1 f o r t o cm c f C. l.sUlon, Deulors. Directions in 1 1 “ You take hold of those ropes, and 1 G o To Saw It OS'!” I not only bo surprise it seemed to go to just the spot. In­ languages. ‘J ; [ B U tousnm and Ilty r V I■ t , r. Her Blood slap your linnds, ami then wo kise. lieve the title will bo heartily ac deed, it was the most palatable thing 1 had r l 1 se n d b'ds fair Purir.erworF'. w. r.C • In I?» The Charles A. Vogeler Co. looqua] Ihn ° ' ;*i See into it now? Does the art of ceptod an’ highly appreciated, but I taken into my mouth for months. I relished (8uceesiori to A. VoQEL.BR * CO.) All must r— .. . I.nltlmore, Sid., U. S. A, navigation begin to appeal to your shall draw on de G ub’ner fur S3 to it.”“ Anti did it cure you ?’’ art-îi I :i ?•« ■ • - MAKES T H E - understanding? Now, you get iu and pay fur de bar’l o ’ lemonade which “ Do I look as if it did?” Plot unit ■ . 1 r II os tetter ’8 Stomach Bitters, by increasing Iloatettersbtom ach isittei I ’ll make sail,,’ and Mr- Spoopendyke now stands in de ante room to honor “ Yes, indeed. W hat was it ?” Rt home. Samples worth Sò free vital power, and , 14), 1 1 . such a statement, if they choose, but I have of age, still lives iu the same house proven its truth, and am prepared to stand by O . J . L I M 'O L M , Hole Manufacturer, endyke, holding on to the coaming A SPECIFIC FOR Hanta Cruz, California. Gas Specialists. Positively extract teeth without pain. Over 10,000 references. Kstablished iu 1863. with both hands " I f you cut a gore in Perry, Somerset County, O. in it.”The above experience should be of great E p ile p s y , Also perform all operations in dentistry. H E A R T D I S E A S E ! near that top stick it would be which sho was born. Spasms, Convuk value to all who are suffering. It shows the DK . t 'll A K I.U n W . DK CK K K . R R O G E R S H E A R T T O N IC C U R E S H E A R T sions, F a l l i n g straightor.” Buskin says no couplo should deceptive nature of this terrible malady: that Disease on tcientllic principles. Although all the Sickness, St.VitUE “ I suppose so,” muttered Mr marry nutil they have courted seven all symptoms are common to it and that there serious tissues of the body are acted upon by this most is but one way by which it can be absolutely valuable medicine, yet its most specific effect is upon the St -dabocker’s Tailora’ Square Dance, Alcohol­ serous Spoopendyke, giving another haul at years. This would lead one to think avoided. membrane lining the Heart aud covering its --------------- ► ---------------- ism, Opium Eat- valves. Serous tissue« are ramified by small capillaries, his peak halliards. “ If I put a bustle that Buskin runs a soda fountain. which, when diseased, allow exudations to ooze out and Kind words and bald heads never dye. lug, on it, I imagine it would take the become organi/.ed, thereby producing thickening and 811- uunvi-uz I 11/ Did you ever notice how suddenly Scrofula, Kings largements, remits which frequently follow iulbunina wrinkles out. Now, I ’ll get up that tion of the peritoneum, pleura endocardium, pericar­ CLEVELAND, OHIO. a timid woman who is humming an Evil, Ugly Blood dium and other serous membranes. jib, and mind dun’t you touch any­ • m J uu ’ i . S o ! ? . « ? T H E H E A R T T O N IC produces absorption of the NE R V E operatic air will switch off on to a The Da Hi/ Amcijjcr says: “ Chief Superin­ Diseases, Dyspep exuded matter and thus removes the abnormal condition. thing.” A Perfect system a t Dress Cutting. Sfi&plo, Sxa»x of Police, J. W . Schmitt, of this city, T H E H E A R T T O N IC is not only efficacious in or­ and adapted to every description or G a m e ta. Pat via, Nervousness, Mr. Spoopendyke set bin jib and religions hymn when a storm comes tendent ganic diseases of the Heart, but it is also a sovereign who has been in the Rerv;ce a quarter of a cen­ cut to fit without alteration. R er«:ved Du- Sick Headache, remedy in functional diseases of that organ; feelings of terns loma at Mechanics' Fair, 1882. Office 224Btoekton fit pushed off. As his sail filled (he np and she Lears the first clap of tury, endorses St. Jacobs Oil as apain-ban- w i l anti weight in the region of the Heart, difficult San Francisco. H T U D A B E C K E R * LOTTDOX. ** oe R h e u m a tis m , m isher. It cured him of rheumatism.' boat heeled over, to (lie manifest thunder ? breathing, palpitation, and the fear of impending danger Nervous Weakness, Brain Worry, Blood Sores, which they occasion, are promptly removed by the use of Send for circular. ---------------- ---------------------- The Duke of Edinburg changed consternation of Mrs. Spoopeudyke. Biliousness, C^tiveness, Nervous Prostration, this compound. In evidence of the remarkablo virtues A thunder storm is a high-toned of this invaluable medicine, we have testimonials from LJ3 “ What makes tho thing tip so?” she his uniform five times on the way Kidney Troubles and Irregularities. $1.50. citizens of the highest respectability who have used it H n m p lo T e s t i m o n i a l s . asked, scrambling up to windward, from England to Moscow. The Duke affair. --------------- -------------------- --- with tho most satisfactory results. Price, $1 per Bot­ “ Samaritan Nervine is doing wonders.” Ask your Druggist for it. O U I N N & C O ., Sole Dr. ,J. O. McLemoin, Alexander City, Ala tle. and grasping Mr. Spoopendyko by thinks he has shown tho foreigners Proprietors, San Francisco, Cal., U . 8 . A ., P. O. Box For weak lungs, spitting o f blood, weak “ I feel it my duty to recommend it.” what England might, do iu the event stomach, night-sweats, and the early stages of 2459. Sent anywhere by Express on receipt of price. De­ M ANUFACTURED OF the collar. l)r. D, F. Langhlin, Clyde, Kansas pot, N. W . center Kearny and Pine streets. “ It cured where physicians failed.” consumption, “ Golden M edical D iscovery” is “ Let down tho center board!” of war. Rev. J. A. Edie, Beaver, Pa y druggists. I \ F . € . S A M » K It. yelled Mr. Spoopendyke, suddenly re Holding two bundles, also a fan specific. B ---------------- AiTCorrespondence freely answ ered.“® » ---------------------- And W IRE of Every Description. Sold by all Druggists. (27) memberiug the instructions be had aud a parasol, while huuting for a New Jersey W ire d o t h Company, and for Tho bandoline girl is apt to appear stuck Attorney and Counselor at Law, Agents for the S. A. RICIT1I0HDIED. C8., ST. JOSEPH, 10 Buck-Thorn Barbed Fence. received when he bought the boat. nickel, in a pocket book that must be up. For testimonials and circulars send stomp. 14 D R U M M 8 T R E K T . S A N F R A N C IS C O . ........................— --------------------------- “ Let go that center board quick!” in tho bottom o f a bug, will keep a 2Q7 SANSOME ST.. SAN FRANCISCO. CAL. E5F Dresses, cloak«, coats, stockings and all “ I haven't got it?" squealed Mrs. woman busy for some minutes in a garments can bo colored successfully with the Spoopendyke. " I haven’ t seen itl street car. Diamond Dyes. Fashionable colors. Only 10c. Practices in all Stat# and Federal Courts. Col lo­ W e must have left it ashore! Oh, A Brooklyn Heights girl, dis tions. Probate and Real Estate matters given special attention.____________________________ F lies , roaches, ants, bed-bugs, rat«, mice, my!” The last exclamation was ad guised as a maid servant, w ashed the HAS BEEN P R O V E D dressed to a half hundred weight of sidewalk of her father’s residence crows, chipmunks, cleared out by “ Rough on A P E M T C M /A IJT C n E V E R Y W H E R E to sell the n . m o z m m a , Rats.” 15c. T h e SU R E ST CURE fo r A U t n i o W A N IC U best F a m i l y E i n l t l l n g M a ­ water slopping over the lee coaming. with the hose for the sake of getting ------ Manufacturer of ch in e ever invented. W ill knit a pair of stockings KIDNEY D ISEA SES. with H K E 1 . and T O E c o m p l e t e In 20 minutes. It “ Haul on the jib sheet!” roared Mr. n chance to turn the water on a dude Mr. Sain’l II. Pouder, Sheriff of W ashing ­ Pin. Fainitar., Douse, Bank and OSc. RlLngs. will also knit a great variety of fancy work for which ton C ounty , T bnn ., says: Brown’s Iron Bit­ Does a lam e back or a disordered urine lndl. Spoopendyke, who found he was g o­ who insisted on making love to her. there is always a ready market. Rend for circular and ters entirely cured me o f dyspepsia of three ca‘o th at y o u aro a victim ? T H E N D O N O T 4?!> and 4.11 KOI K i ll » ( .. Min F n n h M . terms to the T w o m h l y K n i t t i n g M a c h i n e t o . , ing ashore on the other bank o f the H 3 S I T A T B i uso K I D N E Y -W O R T at once, 163 Tremont 8treet. Boston. Mass. years standing.” __________t r DKaiONW rURNISHKD __________ A “ sasiety” gusher, in telling (druggists recommend it) and i t w lU speedily — ------- -»# « - —----------- river. “ Pull her in quick as ye can! overcom e the disease and restore healthy action. A stare-way - The theater corridor after a Let go of that!” he continued, ns he where she wns going for the Summer, It is n S U r lt C U R E fo r a ll . T E A I P g sg p saw his wife clutching convulsively said: “ I'm going to New Port, and matinee. DISEASES of the LIVER. at the peak ha'liHrd cleat “ Let go I ’ m going to take my maid, my Mr. Oliver Myers, of Ironton, 0 ,,s a y s : “ «Sa­ I t has specific action on this m ost im portant or?an, enabling it to throw o ff to rp id ity and in ­ the measly thing, will ye, and haul nm sc, my two eogs, my children, and maritan Nen'inc cured me o f general debility.” W hen ordering Tea, be sure to have one of action, stim ulating th e health y secretion o f the —and, oil yes, my husband.” the jib sheet!” the above justly celebrated marks, which have B ile, and b y keeping the bow els in free oondi- The danger of a boom is that it may become tion, effecting its regular disohargo. held own for superiority of flavor for “ Is this it?” gasped Mrs. Spoopen _ ______ T ru m a n , Ishnm & Co. nearly their Boston girls in two dollar jerseys, a boomerang. 30 years. In fact, all the T mm iji- I I f y o u aro sn 3>ring from dyke, casting the throat halliard scarlet skirts, and rough and ready ported b y the firm o f M A C O N D R A Y k CO. l e l t f l U V I d s m alaria, have tho ch ills, Or. Pierce’s “ Favorite Prescription” j>er- loose, “ or this?” ami she let g o the I straw lints 60 cents, iintrimmcd — fectlv a r 3 bilious, dysp ep tic, or constipated, K ld n ey - excel in quality, flavor and purity, besides and permanently cures those diseases — ----------------- ---------- — ' - q u 'c ure. W o r t . w ill surely relievo and ic k k ly ly c cure. which you are sure of full weight, their aim peak halliard, dropping the liooui on Bre already playing tennis on the Isle peculiar to females. It is tonic and nervine, ' In tho Spring, to cleanse the System System , every being to retain their trade and good name. [ ono should take a thorough course o f It Mr. Spoopendyke’s head and burying of Shools beach, and having an effectually allaying and curing those sickening sensations that effect the stomach and heart H .F.N .n., rat S e r ie s .^ o . 59. him under the mainsail. “ Perhaps “ abundance of wholesome recreation,” B i» r il0 a F or com plaints peculiar to through reflex action. The back-ache and L w U l v O i you r sex, such as pain and O T f l A W E E K . f l 2 a day at home easily made. L'osliy this is what he means,” she soldo a la Emerson. weakness»»«, K I D N E Y -W O R T 1« unsurpassed, “ dragging-down” sensations all disappear un­ w I Z ' uitflt fr«-e Address T a r s k <’o.. Augusta, Maine as it w ill Act p ro m p tly and safely. qnized, ns she hit on the jib halliard, Hither D-x. Inccr.,iuenoo, retention o f nrlne, "W oman’ s rights!” exclaimed a der the strengthening effects of this great re­ and let it go by the run. “ Now we j Philadelphia man when the subject storative, B y druggists. brick d-n t or rop y deposits, and d u ll dragging -----------------------♦ - ------------------ pains, a'.lnpcodily y ie ld to its curative pow er, t are sailing lietter, dear. If it hadn’t was broached, “ what more rights do r * - I t A c ’ s at tho same tim e on the K ID N E Y S , M M . T h « N E W C A L E N D A R o f t h « MM- donkey never suffers from softening of td V K A A N D B O W F I S . j f l F o r Constipation, been for me we would have tipped they want? My wife bosses me. ray the The N E W ENGLAND baavin’. Piles, or rh eum atism it is a perm anent cure. ------------- »-♦*------------ over I” CONSERVATORY of MUSIC HOLD MY P W U O O I 1 T « . P r i e s t I . (M) daughter bosses us both, and the ser Beautiful’ y Illustrated.54 pages. S E ! Y T F R E E U •Druggist# say that L ydia E. Tinkhams “ That’s it!” yelled Mr. Spoopen­ vent girl bosses the whole family. Vegetable Compound is the beat remedy for yourself and musical M ends. Bend names and address«» to E. T O U IU EE, Frankl’n . Boston. Mass. dyke, struggling cut from under the | It's time the men were allowed some female complaint« they ever heard of. T V T.nrgea an d bett a pp M n tn t iliw ic L ite r a r y and Art School, and IIO.ME/ur young Irulies, in the toorkt. ----------- » ♦ — canvas, “ That's navigation! Yon rights.” —[Phi la. News. struck it from the shoulder first clip! ( If (lebhardt had shame the lilly would have Old maid; Oh, yes; there is plenty no Freddy. All you want now is a quid o f tobacco SEWER.WAT^R AND C H IM N EY PIPE --- ---------------- e $ i ----- ■---------------- and a hitch to your breeches to bo a o f hope for yon yet. Naomi, the ^ r?RE BRKJK.T- l E AND CLAY ,. “ It quiets the patient, and ultimately cures Ounard steamer! G ot through? daughter of Enoch, did not marry him.” A late ecommm on ¿Samaritan Nervine. 9 8 ? * T ill v « s t s k T,r t l g w f r p a t 's etc . —.•«•-------- Anything else you want to do to this until she w as 580 years old. Like a BLADDING. McBEAN&CO There is nothing better for Poison Oak measly boatl I f you had a compass sensible girl, sho waited until she bad Cuts, Burns and Sores than M oth eh C a k ts y - 13 J 0 T Q 131 MARKET,S t S .F ;' in your ear and a deck load o f idiots, arrived at the age o f discretion. S alve . Price 25 cts. T ry it. p l a g c b ’ c o x /U- v ^ ’ you’d only need a t'ustom House Iu ~ FQf? IUU?TRAT§ 0 GATALOGt^i? specter and a Hell Gate pilot to lie a The temperature in San Francisco S Y M P T O M 8 OP A The telephone ha« a great many connection*, miating lunatic asylum!” and Mr. on June 5th was the highest recorded but no bliHHl relations. This BELT o r Regenera- Spoopendyke hailed a passing row by the local sigual office since its es tor 's made expressly for IIfin d H s p P ron a 9 * 3 . the cure o f derangements Loss o f A p petite, B o w e ls costive. P a in In boat and was towed ashore ignoraiui tnblishment, and was only exceeded the ead w ith ¡t a c.u dull sensation in in l the — H ----- »ci, , vriv:i ii seosMbAon uo OUB GRANDMOTHERS M ilh n r n H o l l o w I r o n A x l o W a g o n « . ously. beck pert, Pa:n i n d e r the S hould er once since the American occupation Taught their daughter* that “ a stitch in time blade. Hill ness «vfter ea n n g , w ith a disin­ tinuons s t n ---------- ----------- “ I don’ t care," muttered Mrs. o f California, viz.. Sept. 11, 1852. saves nine.’’ A pill in time saves not only nine, clination to e x e r t i o n o f b o d y or m ind. We will replace every broken axle, no matter what the TRI CITY permeating through the parts mu«* might weigh or what the circumstances under which Spoopendyke, as she scrambled np when the mercury reached 1*8 de but oftentimes an incalculable amount of suffer­ Irrita bility o f tem p er. L o w spirits, w ith l-.ad rectoro them to healthy it broke a feelin g o f having n e g le cte d som e d uty. ing as well. A n occasional Joee o f I>r. Pierce s action. Do not eonfonnd A b b o t t '* O l r b r o t e d R n g g l « « . the dock and followed her lord to t h e | grees. W eariness, Dizrtne«*, F lu tterin g at the this with Electric Belt« Pallets, (LitMe Sugar-coated Pills), to cleanse advertised to enre sil II!» W e keep all kind o f Vehicles, ------------ •»• hotel. “ I don't care. I may not j the stomach and bowels, not only prevents dis­ from head to t~e. It M tar Farmer* Four-spring Wagons, f 155 to 5200 the ONE »pecifie pnrposn, know as much about a boat as he j “ How much did you pay for your eases but often breaks up sudden attacks.when Lyman Rtsel Barbed Fence W ire For Hrmlofs girine full information, address Chr Ran Le ndro <»enf Plow«, o o io r a d U r in e , a n d Electric Belt Co., IDS Wash ington St., Chicago in. asked Mrs. Smith. taken in time. By druggist*. does, 'but if it hadn’t been for me, ! new dress?” Harrows. Reed Sower». Ft« -------------------------------------- W e will save you m onej Write to us tar sny kind be would have been drowned, like •*&ight cents an hour; they asked 10 CONSTIPATION. of Bailing Presses D R. JORD AN 'S Fred Smith, who wns serving a terra in the dogs in A ugust Another time cents.” "W hy.” said Mrs Smith, “ it's T T T T S PILLS are esp ecially ad ap ted to T R I M VS. IKH4M A CO., such cases, on e d o se effects in ch a change we go sailing we'll bring the boat to just like mine, isn't it?" But I did S onom a C onnty Jail, ha# been pardoned. ROD a n d 511 M a r k e t S tr e e t. Bon F r a n c is c o , O oL MUSEUM OF ANATOMY, o f fe e lin g ns to a stonish th e sufferer. --------------------------------------- ’llioy asked me o u t room, ami wrap t h e jib sheet lietter than TOO. They ■■ eeea ee t h e A p p e tite .a n d cause tbs body to T a k e o n t ies!», thus the system is 7 S I M ftrk.l S tro.t. In choosing alliea, h»ok to their power around ns, nnless it is t o o h o t , and in j 18 cents, and I got it for 12 cent-. I ^ kesL and !.y ih. i T o o l e Artless on the ss well as to their will to aid you.’* In choos­ CJo and learn how t o avoid Dine— s Jve O rtn n «. R r c n l n r M o o t* are rr>- that case, we'll sell t h e boat and buy | Price ¿Teems. & » a r r a y H , X . T . and how wonderfully you are mode. ing a remedy for bowel, liver and kidney dis- fans." Privnt® O ffic«- 211 Geary street. eaess, try Kidney-W ort, and you will never • s b m m b -------- -------- ----------------=— And Mrs. Spoopendyke toiled up A French lion tamer quarreled with r^ re tit. If yon are n h je ct to ague you must T i l ■ | ) I J 9 9 J| I D | i l f C Consultation on Loet Manbeed and all diseases of men. the stepe o f the porch to tell the la his wife, a powerful virago, and was M «ure to keep vour liver, bowels and kidney* I I I I | « 1 J 6 M i l l I I ■ in'good free condition. W hen so, yon will be " lw I f c l HOW TO WIN AT CARDS, DICE dies what a delightful sail she 1 ad chased by her all round his tent On safe from all attacks. O s â t H a ir on V i T u m s cbsnred toaGLOwnr ---------- A S U R E T H I N Ö l O o n t F r o « to òt.ACK by a ¡«’ •»»)»» of this D vr , H im­ ERRORS O F YO U TH . Any o n o .—t ■»«•chetare and leap enjoyed, and how much Mr. Spoop being sorely pressed, be took refuge parts a natural color, acts Instantaneously HoM ------- --- PwOTrlprift* Fres for the »peed' i n o f Herron, On. . * e n . - * W 'e n hand eeary artici» used byi by Druggists, c r sent by e x p m s on receipt o f •). endyke knew about managing hie in the cage among the lions. “ Oh. Mtlty, Lsst Manhood and »11 dLsev*#r» brrmghl « f f f the rpertiM (VaanrnHyta ITíN with lo ’ Dr. A . T . Henak, G a n n run, I owa , sav*: , aa i r r it it a t u t , v r w t o r i l games ef ehanr*- Send far my frammetti she ” One# using Brown's Iron Bitters proves its o r P a t . c H i IT new ship.- [Drake’s Traveler's Mag yon coutemptible coward!” ebwulao A i traga. SX L SUDAS, « a * v r * l sf ValmM» I -orwMtim w 4 \ --------- S T N s i u » « m v Horn T o t « Cuy. Í BsAI n.ratyS. »tnw M I BAI »a »»»IlsaSJsa.J wperierity ovsr all ether teaie preparstieas. ’ shonted. “come ont if you dare!” ezine. SAN FRANCISCO N ew spaper U nion, P a l m e r & R e y , Prop’rs. FOB PAIN. J O E P O H E IM , JHE TAILOR John Wipore.TÄ0“ The Hammock Chair BITTERS HI rv ÍHÍ g cioines The Colton Dental Association h • j GMEB l * r a n John A. Roebling’s Sons Co., Iron and Steel ’Wire Hope KIDNEY WOT V A /O O B E N o vv M A N T E IO T E A ! < 8> EDUCATIONAL. kI DNEY- WOR- TU T T S PILLS TO R P ID LIV ER .