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About Polk County itemizer. (Dallas, Or.) 1879-1927 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 28, 1882)
POLK COUNTY ITEMIZER. * OF T H l t J ■t U|xtu«d A Devoted to the Best Interests of Polk County in Particular and to the Pacific Coast in General. VO L- ERIEi D ALLAS, OREGON, SATUR D AY. OCTOBER 2 8 . 1883. V ili moment, thinking of them, not very flatteringly. light fading out o f the sky. A cried Paul, vanishing out o f sound o f trampling and panting, back door, into the twilight. IO N S , loublu house was not “ Small-pox ! And me a girl, „ ." well," he said to himself, and a rush o f feet on the steps, ¡house,in the ordinary sense of if one woman was enough to de- startled them both ; and the great, with a complexion to ru in ! The ishhm Go ], for the tw o divisions had stio^ the original Paradise, I need black head o f Mr. Elm ering’s dog heathens there are in this world ! ” plan m il at different times, and not be surprised at the tfle e t upon was thrust up between them, almost shrieked Mary Ann; and, braving danger enough to run up to her mine, of a whole fam ily of petti at Margaret’s elbow. l W A R E , without any regard to har- “ That dreadful d o g ! ” cried Mrs. room and secure her best parasol c o a t Confound it! why need an ous union; consequently, al- affliction have taken precisely that Ralston, deserting her place with and bonnet, sho also vanished from 3 tho older part was low shape?" a small shriek o f dismay, and dart the bouse, as her fellow-servant bad WOODEN In justice to liim, Mr. Elmcring ing into the house. Maroaret rose, done. ottage-Iike, and unpreteu dko newer overtopped it by a was writing a book, and wanted to too; but with lips grow in g white. i A little later Mr. Elmering heard, lx' quiet. In a place where nobody H er glance had passed over the as in a half-dream, the distant ittlltp Stoc- 1 assumed corresponding knew him, and people were too (log, had seen his master follow ing whistle o f the locomotive, on its »distinction. busy to be curious, he flattered him behind, hatless and coatless, and way to N ew York, quite unconscious Il> T O » A t ublo house stood upon a self that he had attained the per discerned what burden he carried ' that it was bearing away his tw o m dear old N ew England, fection of Ids wishes; prematurely, m his arms. She hurried out to faithless domestics behind it. I t 1 out over the busy town for the Ralstons came. The elder meet him, but she could not speak ; was only after he had rung his bell, E t c ., Etc., iveather, across a shining lady was certainly inoffensive; but she could only look up in bis face. and called their names, many times ccupiod by A. J, vo of liver. I t hail kept the young lady and the little girl I “ D on’t be frightened ; the child i in vain, that he began to suspect he fate in its great garden, for Margaret played and sang, taught is safe,” said Mr. Elmering, answer was deserted, and allowed niinself s, o m n o N . ltd Fairweather, suddenly her sister music, and compelled Fan ing the terror in Margaret’s eyes. to get angry. H o a r after hour j to a sense o f neglected ny to practice two hours a day, “ She has had a great shock— she passed away, and no one came. Ities, began to send up stacks with a relentlessness that seemed to is very weak yet; that is all. She Restless and in pain, dozing at in oompUl«, ami m I buy! t chimneys, to resound with their neighbor simply inhuman. should not be allowed to wander tervals, and awaking himseif, with y f o r C ' u n | [o of the grinding, and to There were also daily lessons in elo out alone, Miss Ralston ; the river a moan and a start, he got through put arms on all sides, like cution ; and the Ralstons had a is too near. I wonder you permit the long night somehow, and saw r MU|K>ri«>r m.lucuinchul the first glimmer o f daylight, strug- fcrated polypus ; and new great many friends in Fairweather, it." |ven crept across the river, who were always coming to see “ She lias been forbidden to go to gliug at his window, with the dark JR COUNTRY rUODUc) |ing to reach and embrace them, and occasioning so much talk the river alone. I thought she was ness. H e made an effort to descend c«, and 8avo Money bjfi >lc house itself, at no distant and laughter, and additional music, up stairs,” Margaret said, simply, to the lower rooms, but was forced that the unfortunate man, who was receiving the dripping child into to turn back, sick and giddy, at the B while Fairweather was in trying to embody his ideas, began her own arms. She did not, at the top o f the stair-case, which had G r o c e r y So sition state, between town to think the ancients had never moment, observe that she was being ^ lost its usual solid character, and “ Fanny, Fanny, how was reeling and quivering in the , that Margaret Ralston shown their good taste inoro plain scolded. H . J. B U TLI <ov ember 26, 1881. Mr. Elmering ¡liv e there, with her mother ly than by consecrating altars to could you lx- so naughty? Mamma ' tipsiest manner. le sister, and the three set the genius of silence. Mr. Elrucr- w ill he so frightened. Oh, Mr. El- '.crept back to his sofa, so exhausted simple household gods, in ing could not very w ell sue his merino, I don’t know how to thank with tho exertion he had just made H O L M A . i that he knew there was no use in ■ part o f the double house, neighbors, on such grounds, and he you, hut. I shall never forget— ” Margaret's eyes, uplifted, and attempting to repeat it. W hat was eiier portion had been oecu- did not care to move away; he jr to Holiu»n Hroa.),*9| Bonie time, by a single gen- merely fled from the commodious shining with tears, made the broken going to become o f him, be won- 2 d , dered. Was he to be left there and sunny front chamber to a cor words eloquent. id his servants, “ M y dog deserves the chief alone to die? The sun mounted lace would be just perfec- ner room, much given to cobwebs o n e i<: ’ for one thing,” said Alar- and damp, and revealing, through credit,” said Mr. Elmering. H e was ; higher and higher; the day wore .it its one window, a perspective of touched, in spite of himself. " A ! on; and the em pty rooms about ret to 1 ler mother. o were sitting in a little potato patches and unfinished build plunge in tho water hurts nobo ly, him remained silent as the tomb. " H ave you noticed, Margaret, in July. Y ou r little sister w ill be ich overlooked the river ings. N o r did he incline the more to herself again in the morning, ready that there is nobody to be seen lay wn, and the summer da lg. Far off, in the •eft ward the Ralstons, when he heart! for another adventure, if you don't nbout Mr. Elmering’s to-day?" said -AND- Mrs. Ralston to her daughter, that |he hills, the sun had just that Margaret was “ the Miss Rals watch her well.” “ I am really afraid “ I don’t think she w ill disobey afternoon. , leaving the sky and the ton, so well known for her g ift of n with lingering reflec- reading and recitation.” Hu depre me again,” said Margaret. “ And something is wrong.” } S T A B L tr “ W hat could be wrong, mamma? -is; the town, embosomed in cated any kind o f career for women pray take care of yourself, Mr. E l J)all»i,* 8 , look fed, at that distance, as if which brought them before a crowd mering. You are very wet. Come, Mr. Elmering is probably absent. too, hiul abandoned itself to the for miscellaneous criticism; and for Fanny. You reckless little crea H e often is.” “ But he leaves his servants, Mar WKl it OHivpose. Margaret’s eyes, the women themselves, who coveted ture, how conld you? W hat if we HCUASKI) Tins K itty says the kitchen- terin mover this picture, had been such careers, he had small charity. had lost you, you wicked, unlucky, garet. lent. we pri^ioee tu , L.y. ill rjwilueee. door stands open ; but she has seen rniym'ith calm content; but,on Margaret was probably a disagreea precious, precious darling ? ” And kissing and scolding Fanny, nothing o f the servants all day. - 4 r. , x s » v d d A , a spark kindled in-their ble creature, eaten up with vanity, - ^ jth s . H er glance had fallen and love o f notoriety; and as lie whom her frigh t had brought to a i Don’t you think w e should send Deo upon two figures, visible carefully avoided all communica state o f repentance, that reproaches somebody in, to find out what the ,T LOW KATES. ttlo distance— the figures of tion with the Ralston household, could scarcely heighten, Margaret matter is?” and a dog, sauntering down he had no opportunity o f correcting led her i« t o the house. Mr. Elmer- ] “ And psrhaps have Mr. Elmering A t te n llo n P »l«l lid thep i ver. The odor o f cigar his ideal portrait by a comparison ing entered his own door. She was j resent our ofiiciousncss as a liberty. • le n t S to rk . ke, tog, was in the air. Malga- with the original a prettier girl than he had thought, j I advise you not to meddle, mam NAT. 1101 1,10 J contracted „ .frargaret'a T h is unsocial behavior was cer that over-independent Miss Ralston; ma." Margaret felt, secretly, a little j.e, si lip ^ u n d oscd to •> *° words tainly no w ay to recommend him and, with more o f the household She remembered whi«li stand written'- TI,ere self to the good graces o f a fam ily light than the stage meteor, in her uneasy herself. But Margaret had a appearance. H e would really like | Kate's ominous predictions, con was a slight dash o f ily in Iier of ladies. grievance o f her own. T w o or to know something more o f h er,! cerning the “ fine city servants,” tone. IS & MORRiSO “ TV hat do yon to, dear; three years before, some over-offi thought Mr. Elmering, inconsist- j and the horrors o f the morning paper returned freshly to her mind. the mills and th (ku Mrs. cious friend had called her attention ently enough. But he was “ not at home,” when Could sho ever forgive herself for Ralston asked, tui a Pai>' of to a inaoazine artiile, reflecting se languid e y e lid s « !y >n her verely, not to say savagely, upon the tw o ladies from the other side remaining coldly inactive, if an y some modern theories o f womanly of the house called, next day. So | thing really had happened to Mr. daughter’s directio ’ “ Oh, no, mamau'e can’t hear independence. I t contained a great Mrs. Ralston sent him a nete, rather Elmering, and they owing him so Street, Dallas, Ore the ndFe o f th<K and the deal o f truth, and a great deal of incoherent, but fa ll o f gratitude; great a debt of gratitude? But, smokalbecoineK pFque, at this injustice, and was far too cleverly and received, later, a polite message, though Margaret was not usually distance. I liice e them both ; written to laugh at. The injustice inquiring for Fanny. Mr. Elmer wanting in moral courage,sheshrank HECF.STLV bouout tt l Hko to think, o V, and the re- hurt Margaret more than the truth ing’s intrcnchments o f reserve ap before the image o f Mr. Elmering, She would have peared impregnable. Mrs. Ralston with sarcastic eyebrows, and half- t.iwn, .nil ft.l.l.Hl thereto tw suits of woik. Je no fault to consoled her. Teeiu’e, we .re pr.per«M. ^ t0, , n]y with the liked to challenge the authot’s argu conjectured that he was a hero of suppressed smile, receiving the house^a I wish i » d y else lived ments, with some chapters out of the Jarndyco type— too sensitive to apologetic explanations of a depu r a n m a n t . L o w in the dthor hal’on’t you see her own experience, and out of bear any allusion to the service he tation which had invaded his prem bnt, Margaret ises to ascertain whether he were • ' ‘-¡ering^.-er, w ith that other lives she knew of. She took had done th em ; of h ’H ow ingat his pains to ascertain his nam e; and, thought, “ H e doesn’t want to have alive or dead ; and regarding the tra Ilnrt cUM iu .T .ry roi), ,,J oMlgint h,.stier« »ro on IllCels, a fair spirit? I was presently, in the course of events, anything to do with us, and so he romantic raid as one of the natural rcnJy to wrve the : '!lf o o k in. she found herself livin g under the keeps out o f our w a y ; ” and hid vagaries of a pack o f women, im t him.’ bued with stage tendencies. W h ile her mortification in silence. you V, Margaret, we same roof with him. When it became apparent that N eith er o f them was right. Mr. she was hesitating, the postman et am ’ place as pretty, HE NEW S T A B L E 1011 ----- -— ~~lnd and e-like, as this is Mi. Elmering did not intend to Elm ering had been feeling tired rang the bell, and Fannie came in me m ; and there are notice his neighbors, Margaret took and depressed fo r several days, a few moments afterward. s . (V S . L I N E o t t this loftiness to berself as a per and, on the morning after the ad “ A letter, mamma— only one; for raw cve.iere.” venture in the water, he awoke with you.” srtaker and Trucjtnougoimma; isn’t life, sona' slight. “ For we are not livin g in a hotel, a racking headache. A fte r sending “ Read it, w ill you, Margaret? .¿self, one grarlrawback, to lone Cabinet *'omon llko urBut it does seem or in a French fiat, but here in this aw ay his breakfast nntasted, and I t ’s very odd, that my glasses are s if w e jnightvehad some more isolated house,” thought Margaret, tryin g in vain to sit up at his desk, alw ays out o f the way, when I W hy, for Heaven's has on liaml a fine lot mifortahio erto carry with this with some bitterness. “ H e knows where all tho manuscripts looked want them. ouse, than NV'.lim-iing; for in- I am one of the women he finds crazed, he threw himself doWn on a sake, child, what is the letter about? gh C ases and ance, a leak-oof; a knocking fault with, and considers me strong sofa, and admitted the agreeable W hat is it ? ” cried Mrs. Ralston, as id groaning xrk; a neighbor minded and horrible, I suppose. I conviction that he must be really Margaret started up, with flashing —ALSO- ith a B jrro p ity to borrow should like to ask him what he ill. I t was a fine, bright summer eyes and heightened color. “ W ho ever heard o f such base id never rrn,” said Mar- would have had me do. I am sure, day; hut Mr. Elmering fe lt chilled ret, making .himsical grimace, I never wanted to appear in pub to the bone. Even tho cheerful ness? Mamma, the letter is from P ic tu r e F r«m «h joh > « smile. lic; but one can’t stand upon cere wood fire, which Paul kindled at Mr. Eltnering’s Paul. He says his nrurt“ I d w l sethy you dislike the mony forever, in a world where one his master's desire, failed to impart master is ill with the stnall-pox, All kinds of 1,1 80 has never troubled is liable to starve to death. I am its warmth to his shivering frame; and that he and Mary Ann have not sorry he has turned out to be and he lay languidly looking at it, left, and he hopes that we will see such a disagreeable person; not for hours together, too apathetic to that Mr. Elmering is provided with ic t W o r k D o n e t ‘ doe^ til.k- mc continually^ tl, ni I T don’t . 1..*.'4 feel fnrtl that his opinion o f me would have change his position. Evening came, a doctor. W hat dreadful creatures! lever mrikafl 1, that T h ey left him all alone, and told win# machines clean A fu i o f having been mattered, in any case. I don’t care and Mr. Elm ering was no better. igh " I ’m afraid I must see a doctor," nobody. W hy, he has been alone, balance and found what it is.” So the partition between the tw o he said to Paul, later. “ I don’t ever since last night. I w ill go i, those black look.? e under I temkkr officcOting;^ ig us bad luck yet, I halves o f the double house, though know one in Fairweather, but yon over there, this minute, and you ’here, ho is out of only the thinnest o f hath and plas may bring the nearest; I dare say must send K itty for Dr. Allison.” "M a rga ret! M argaret!” moaned ter, might as well have been impen he’ll do.” F . A . BROW ht mebody again.” “ A n d if the doctor should be Mrs. Ralston. imagine what you etrable granite, fo r all the differ “ H e saved Fanny’s life,” cried ence it would have made to either asking me, sir, what you thought ON AND CARRIACUn 111 w ¿Alicrh.-ti A.nil set- of the households it separated. was the matter with you,” suggested Margaret, and ran oat of the room. Mr. Elmering, ill and faint, and ut SW. o l k » l* girirtT Shore comfortably in The very servants declined to know Paul, the prudent, “ should I say a half delirious with thirst, was roused [te was a bright, dark, each other. Mr. Elm ering’s Paul cold, or a fever, now ? ” “ I don’t care; you can say small from a v iv id fancy of eool water ling girl, whom plenty and Mary Ann, being on the aristo I.L or MY OLD FRIKNI*« l in Kencral, I would announced re ready to pronounce cratic side o f the house, looked pox, if you like,” said Mr. Elmer rippling over the stones, by sound !! kind« of wagon and citrn.tK»* ugh the chaim of her down with scorn on the modest ing, shutting his eyes, in weary iq- of a footstep flying along tbe cor an like manner and at r ' " J 1 hava on bond a good itock »| S-r in its mobility, and Kate, in Mrs. Ralston's k itch en ; ditferenee to all things, himself in ridor outside, and pausing at differ Jprossion, than in any and not to be behindhand with cluded. “ I was in a house where ent doeis. S easoned “ Thank Ood, there is somebody ■ of coloring, or outline. them, Kate lost no oppertunity o f there was a case o f it, not long ago.” Mr. Elm ering had no idea that ot last," he said aloud, with a sense Jl you, in spite o f her- disparaging those " fine city ser AIRING MADE A I h i not help liking to vants," and o f hinting darkly that, this speech would be taken for any o f relief that was almost ovar-pow- iatudaction Guamntcod. Gi Tbc near her; where as likely as not, their master would thing more than idle words. I f he 1 ering. H e would have been glad t, something fresh, and be found murdered in his bed, some ! had but seen the horror-stricken to see even one of his .erreant ser-‘ UAR, January *. 1882. W hat was worse, no-: countenance which Paul took out j vants; but when his door flew open, pnuine, was. She was morning. [possible contrast to her body expected a change in this con o f the room, and into the kitchen ! I it was Margaret Ralston that stood IT E R , S L E S S IN C i tie woman, with a tired dition of things; for where neither | “ W hat on earth is the matter upon the threshold, and whose dark lose character fate had, party is w illin g to conciliate, or b i with you, man? And what are you e yes , bright with mingled aympathy 17 Batter j St., San by dint o f much ill- conciliated, the way to an amicable snatching at your hat like that for? and indignation, met his. “ Oh, Mr. Elmering, I am so i"a ll the starch, and understanding is tolerably w ell | Is the master worse ? ” inquired nufactorers and Jobbers of sorry ! " she exclaimed, coming to But ther* there is a factor, factor Mary Ann. Ip thing, to be shaken I blocked. Hut * W e only knew, five p that, as circumstance? potent in human affairs, called acci- " Worse? H e cnuldn't be worse. his side. He thinks he’s got the small-pox. minutes ago, ot your being ill and krgaret had long been dental. , I o f the small household. Long after Mr. E lven n g had d ts-. T h e re s a train leaves for N ew York alone here. I hops there is some Ionian, strolling down appeared from »ight, that evening, in th irty minutes— I ’ve ju st time to law for-punishing those wicked ser iver had seen, without Margaret and her mother remained reach the depot. I didn't engage vants of youn». Poor fellow ! how ee the tw o ladies seated 1 sitting on the porch, talking softly to be a hospital nurse— not much. you must have suffered 1 * FUI (1OO0S ARK » A S M " Yes— but I think I am better, porcb, and waa, at th a t 1 together, or silently watching the I Y o u ’d better get him a doctor,” ri» Oll I» •» VMKtUT» * tat RY, X RY STAE I i m it s now,” he answered vaguely, turning away his head to hide the tears that rushed to his eyes, as Marga ret's hand fell, for a moment, soft as a snowflake, on his forehead. That she, of all people, to be the one to answer his longing for the sight of a human face, m ight have struck both o f them, at another time, as a fine bit o f retributive justice. But Margaret thought of nothing but making the sick man comfortable, and he submitted, with a sort o f wondering gratitude, to let Iter perform a varietv o f little offices for him— to bring fiim water and bathe his head, and arrango the disordered room and manuscripts. He never remembered once that this ministering angel, w ith the bright, sweet, energetic ways and looks and ways, was the Miss Rals ton who gave readings. Indeed, I believe Mr. Elmering fell in love with Margaret, then and there, thouoh he did not find it out im mediately. In due time the doctor arrived, and pronounced him ill o f nothino worse than a severe influenza; and the phantom of small-pox havino thus been laid to rest, Mrs, Ralston at once joined her dauahter, and there was henceforth no lack of kind services about the invalid. In deed, os his strenath returned, and his nurses slackened in their assi duities, he almost bcGan to reoret the days o f his illness, when the double house had been virtu ally a sincle house. H e fe lt ashamed of his former attitude of stately isola tion; nothino, he vowed, should force him to resume it; not even the little airs o f cool reserve which Maroaret seemed to cultivate, from the moment her patient was really convalescent. They had discussed many thinGs, by that time, and each had been surprised to find an unexpectedly conoenial companion in the other ; but not a word had been uttered on the subject of MarGaret’s profession, or Mr. Elmer- ino’s antipathy to women who souoht “ careers.” But one mornina Mr. Elm erino happened to come into Mrs. Rals ton's little parlor, and find Maroaret alone. “ I did not see you yesterday,” he said, almost in the tone o f a man who has a rioht to complain o f somethino. “ I was aw ay all day,” answered Maroaret. “ T o be frank, Mr. E l merino, I was obliGed to see the manaoer o f a lecturino bureau, about my w inter’s enoaoements. Business is business, you know.” She looked up at him a little de fiantly, and a little curiously, alad to have broken the ice at last. I thouoht you had oiven up that sort of thino,” was all he said. “ I don’t know w hy I should.” “ You like your profession so much ? ” “ I t is not a question o f likino, with me, Mr. Elmerino; but o f bread and butter and self respect,” said Maroaret, lookino her proudest. To be sure, mamma is better off than when I becan m y readinos, but our circumstances are far from justifyino me in remainino idle. And one must do what one can do; not always what one would. I know what you think o f me, Mr. Elmerino ; but if you knew in what straits we have been, and what mountains o f difficulty m 3 ’ one poor little talent has helped us over, even y®u irould not blame me.” Even you! Mr. Elm erino winced. “ You are mistaken, Maroaret,” he said slowly. “ You don’t know what I think o f you.” I read your article in th e ------- Monthly, tw o years aoo.” “ Indeed 1 But Maroaret, that was written before I met you.” I suppose Maroaret was satisfied with Mr. El merino’s opinions, as modified to suit her own case; for sometime afterward she became Mrs. Elmerino. But I really and truly suspect,” said Maroaret, lauohino, as she told me this' story, not iono aoo, “ that he married me for the sake o f re- storino one woman to the domestic sphere. A man must have faith in a theory, w ho makes such an im mense sacrifice to it as him self ! ” a n t s i r t BxrcxsE n t s ia r s . The Atlanta Constitution gives the follow in g as a woman’s manner o f keeping her expense account W e are particular to give tho name of the paper, so that our lady friends may know where to throw the stove-stick: I t is a touching sight to see a woman begin to make up her ex penses; having firm ly resolved to put down every cent she spends, so as to find out how to economize, aiul where all the money goes. Procuring a small book, she makes an entry, and on the Monday after tho first Saturday on which her husband brings home his pay, she carefully tears the margin off a newspaper, and, with a blunt pen cil, strikes a trial balance something in this way: John brought me home $48 50, ar. t $1 43 I had is $49 93. and $1 09 I lent Mrs. Dixon is $51 02, but, hold on, I ought not to enter t’ >ftt, because when she returns it, it II go down. That was $49 93, and what have I done with that? Then she puts down the figures, leaving out the items to save time — a process which enables her to leave most o f the items to where a round sum is involved, on the sup position that they have already been set down. As thus: S ix dollars and fourteen cents for meat and 10 cents for celery, and ten cents on the street cars, and a bad 5-five cent piece I got in e x change, and $ 2 81 I paid the m ilk man— who owes me 19 cents— that $3, and 15 cents at church, and the groceries— they were either $10 50 or 810 0 0 , and I don’t remember which they are, but I guess it must have been 810 0 0 , for the grocer 6 aid if I would give him a dime he would give me half a dollar, which would make even change, and I couldn’t, because the smallest I had was a quarter— and $2 75 for mend ing K atie’s shoes, whioh is tho last money that shoemaker eyer gets from me, and 10 cents for celery— no, I put that down. Fin ally she sums up her trial- balance sheet, and finds that it foots up 804 98, which is $15 more than she had originally. Sho goes over the list several times and checks it carefully, but all the items arc cor rect, and she is ¡ust about in de spair when her good angel hints that the ((¿in ay be a possible mistake in the addition. A ctin g upon the suggestion, she foots up the column and finds that the total is $44 28, and that, according to the principles o f arithmetic, she ought to have $5 05. Then she counts her cash several times, the result varying from $1 40 to $1 97, but then she happily discovers that she has been mistaking a $ 2 gold piece for a cent, and remembers that she gave the baby a trade dollar to cut its gums with. On the whole she has come within eighty-ccnts o f a balance, and that, she says, is close enough, and she enters in one line of the account hook, “ Dr.— B y household expenses,” so m uch; a,nd is very happy till she remembers, just after going to bed, that she has omitted $2 75 for her husband's hat. f HE EXPLAIXE» THE ROITF. N o w and then a chronic grumbler from the Eastern States finds him self starring as a tourist out west, and learns the purchasing power of growls is not unlimited in that sec tion. “ W here do w e take dinner?” querulously demanded such a char acter of a conductor on the N orth ern Pacific railroad, traveling from Fargo to Bismarck. “ A t Jamestown," courteously re plied the conductor. “ A t what hour?” “ A t -11:22,” answered the con ductor. “ Can’t you stop somewhere and let me get a cracker?” “ N o t very well, sir. There are no opportunities between here and Jimtown.” Finding himself treated in such a gentlemanly fashion, the tourist turned looso and cursed the road from St. Paul to Glendale creek, and after finishing his dinner, he took in the Duluth branch, and wound up with tho officers and train men, consigning the whole business to the bitterness and wrath eternal. The conductor made every effort to pacify him. but his exer tions only stimulated tho volume of abuse until the train stopped at Bismarck. “ Can’t I see you a moment?" asked the conductor, taking the tourist by the elbow and leading him to the quadrangle back o f the Sheridan House. “ You don't seem to under stand this railroad system. N ow here’s Duluth!” and ho sponged the tourist in the left eye. “ And here’s St. Paul!” planting his fist in the other optic with terrible force. “ The two lines meet here at Brain- ard!” which I 10 mapped out on tho bridge o f the passenger's nose. “ Then the trunk line runs along to Jimtown, where you get' your din ner!" and ho brougnt him a terrific A STORY VOR THK HARISES. one on the mouth. “ From there to Bismarck is only a short run!” There was one Russian fellow planting a crusher on the victim's that had a sand-pit all o f his own, chin, lauding him in a mud-puddle, right in front o f our trenches. I doubled up_ like a stomach-ache, never saw anybody so persevering and howling for mercy. “ You w ill as that man was. Early in the notice that the vigilan t officials are morning he’d be popping away, and carefully scanning all points o f tho there he’d stay .until nightfall, tak road!” and he marched up and down, ing his food with him into the pit. befpre his prostrate student, who H e seemed to take a real pleasure was yellin g fo r help. in it,{and as he was a very fine shot, “ W hat’s the matter, Jim?” in and never let us get much o f a quired a friend whose attention had chance at him, he was not a popu lieen attracted by the controversy. lar chaiacter in the advanced “ Showing a bloke the advantages trenches. Many a good fellow he of our railroads over tho eastern sent to glory. It got such a nui outfit,” replied the conductor. sance that we dropped shells at him ” They never explain things where now and again, but he minded them he lives, and I ’m fixing it for him no more than i f they had been so so he won’t feel like grumbling many oranges. One day I was down another time he travels over our in the trenches, when Col. Mancor, line. W a lt until I point out the of the Forty-eighth — a splendid school section and tho railroad shot and a great man for sport— grant!” came along. A party with a ser But the tourist had eeled out of geant were at work, and just as the the puddle and gained the office of colonel came up, one o f them drop the hotel, to tho disgust o f the con ped with a ball through his head. ductor and his friend, who were CA.V THK U S OF TRI WORLD OK “ Deuced good sh ot! W ho fired prepared to display all the attrac RRART that?” says the colonel, putting ud tions o f the country rather than The W orld ’s London cable says: his eye-glass. “ Man in the rifle see a stranger depart dissatisfied. The comet is all tbe talk in scientific pit to the left, sir,” answers the ser I f a man wants to be abusive in circles at present, and it is being re geant. “ N ever saw a neater shot,” 1 that part of the republic he wants garded with considerable apprehen says the colonel. “ H e only showed to write out his views and mail 'em sion. Richard A. Proctor, who de for a moment, and wouldn’t have 1 to his family. Careless expressions nied that it waa the cemet of 1843 shown then only the edge o f the j and 1880, now find* that he made a trench is a bit worn away. Does arc very apt to pan disagreeable explanations.— Brooklyn Eagle. mistake in bia calculations, and so he often shoot like that?” “ T erri haR withdrawn his statement. Mors cautious astronomers than he have no ble dangerous man,” replies the ser Thursday evening a Chinaman doubt of tbs identity of the comet, geant; “ kills more than all the guns hoarded tbe d 6 wn train, and only and believe that it will return, at ths in tho Redan." N ow , major,” says having enough money to pay bia fare latest, in October, 1883, and will the colonel, turning to another offi -1 to Bnrnbart’a, and failing to borrow then fall into the sun, with results cer who was with him, “ What’s the of other Chinamen on the train, the that will enable us to dispense with odds against my picking him off?" conductor ordered him to get off at the future publication of the news “ In how long?” "W ith in ten min that station. But inatead of waiting papers of the world. 1 am assured utes.” "T w o to one, in ponies.” I ’ll I till he got there, while the train was that this is the opinion of the give you,” says the major. "Say pa. ssing through a rock eut below most eminent scientists of tbe three and it's a bargain.” "Three j Da aniel*’ , he jumped off against tbe day, C. Piazzi Smythe, the clever to one in ponies,” answered the rocks while tbe train wee in fall Astronomer Royal for Scotland, in motien. But a Chinaman ia hard to particular, having made no secret of major, and the bet was made. He kill, and he turned up safe and was a great man for measuring his Lis belief that the end o f tha world sound next moraing, without a powder, was the colonel, and alwaya is at hand. nury from I scratch^r injury hie dangerous emptied out a cartridge and then leap.— East Oregoniau. Shiloh'« T itilla » 1« wh»t jem aool (or j filled it up again according to his < Conitipation, Lo*« of Appetito. Biacin««« j taste. He took about half his time "Y e a air,” said Mr. Gallagher, “ it •i>4 oil «ynrptonn of DjapopsU. Frio* 10 r nd 75 emu per botti«. Por «kl« irj lap. getting the sergeant's gun loaded to was funny enough to maka a donkey please him. A t laet he got it right I laugh. I laughed till I cried.” ft. Miller, Balls«, J y .'j V and the glass screwed w ell into his eye. “ N ow , my lads,” says he, just push poor Smith here up over the trench. H e’s dead enough, and another wound will make very little difference to him.” The men began to hoist the body up, and the colonel stood, maybe 2 0 yards off, peering over the edge with eves like a lynx. As soon as the top o f Smith's shako appeared, w e saw the barrel o f the gun conie slowly out o f the sasd lit, and when his poor dead face ooks over the edge, whizz comes a bullet right through his forehead. The Russian, he peeps out o f the pit to see the effect of his shot, and tie never looks at anything again until he sees the everlasting river. The colonel fired with a sort o f chuckle, and the rifleman sprang np into the air, and lan a matter o f ten or tw elve paces toward us, and then fell on his face, as dead as a door nail. “ Double or quits on the man in the pit to the right,” says the colonel, loading up his gun again, but I think the major had dropped money enough for one day over his shooting, for he wouldn't hear of another try. B y the way, it was handed overto Smith's widow, for he was a free-handed gentleman, was tho colonel, not unlike yourself, sir. One of the old-time ed Michigan waa boasting that nerer been sued for libel, o r _ in his sanctum, but he could many narrow escapes. Twenty years ago be waa running a rad-bot paper on the line of the Michigan Central railroad. A man named Canon, who waa running for some county office, was given a bad racket, and tha editor received a note that if be bad anything more to say he might expect to receive a good pounding. H e had a still more bit- tar attact tbe next week, and the pa per was hardly mailed before in walked Canon, tbe candidate, ac companied by a brother and two cousins. The four ware strapping big fellows, and each waa armed with a hone-whip. The two com- poaiton and the “ devil” got out with all speed, leaving the editor without support. H e realized the situation at once, and began: "W a lk in, gentlemeu; I presume you have come to honewbip me?” “ W e have,” they answered. “ Very well. Have you thoroughly considered this matter?” " I t doesn’t need any considera tion,’’ repliad Carson. “ You have lied about me, and I ’m going to lick you within an inch of your life!” “ Just ao, my friend, but first hear what I have to say. Did you ever bear of the press being stopped be cause the editor was cowhided?” “ I dunno.” “ W ell, you never did. Lick me all you choose and my paper comes out week after week just the same. The power of the press is next to tho lever which moves the universe. It makes or breaks parties, builds up or tears down, plants or destroys. Aggravate the editor and the press becomes a sword to wound and kill. W ollop mo if you will, but next week I'll come out more bitter than ever.” Thera was an embarrassing silence right here, and the face of each horse- wliipper had an anxious look. “ It will go out to tho world—to America, Canada, England, Franco — aye! clear to Jerusalem, that the Carson family of this county live on roots and johnny-cake; that they stolo a dog from a blind man; that they murdered a peddler for a pnir of 2 - shilliugsuspenders; that tbe women arc club-footed and the men work their ears when they sing; and the----- ” “ What is the regular subscription price to tho Herald?” interrupted Carson. "O n ly 12 shillings a year.” “ Put us four down.” “ Very well— $G— that’s correct. Run iu and see me— all of j'ou, and if any of you want to see any of my Detroit exchanges I shall be only too glad to serve you.” — Detroit Free Preae, _ TVII.VN OVER MXBTV. Barnard Keplar and hie twin brother, John N. Keplar, were born in Plnmsted Township.Bucks county, on March 27, 1792, over ninety years ago, on the spot where they have resided to this day. “ This old house,” eaiil Barnard Keplar yester day, "from which brother John and I, in the natural courso of events, must be taken to the grave, has shel tered ue for nearly a century;” and he might have added that from that little strip of land hand in hand they have seen the country pose through three great wars, generations apart, without ever having seen a soldier; have lived within tbe shadow of their bill-eide home while one of the greatest countries o f the world had grown up in magnificence with it« mighty network o f steel highways, and have yet to take their first ride in a railway oar or hear the tick of the telegraph instrument. These two singular old men are the sons of John Kepler, who died in 1841. They were born on March 27, 1792, on their father’s little farm, one mile and a half from Gardenville. They are bachelors, and have never been separated from ench other even for a day ot a time. Once only tlip^__ visited Philadelphia, a quarter of a century ngo, when the first mutter- ings of the political storm which wna about to burst into a civil war were heard, and they returned homo con vinced that the country was on the verge of dissolution. Bernard, who notwithstanding the weight of 90 years, is hale-looking nnd retains a wonderful memory, says Hint ho voted for Madison iu 1813, and has voted for every Democratic Presi dential candidate since then. "A n il so has brother John,” ho added, turning to his twin, who snt nenr him. Evidently Bernard lias becu the stronger in mind, as he lias been the larger in physique ot the two. John is a small man, not much over a boy s size, nnd looks ten yenri older than Lis brother. “ A great many people come to see us,” said tho former, “ and the census man always makes a special report. We are the oldest twine in the United States, according to the coriHU9 reports. Home time ago two old ladies who are twins, and live at Soleabury, came over to compare ages. They were only 80,” added the old man, somewhat centemptu- oualy, “ and we are over 90.” Benton L ead er Mr. Mack Porter, one of out substantial farmers, living at tbe Buttes, about eight mile# from town, has ptobebly the finest colt in Oregon. I t it a yearling fiHy weighing 1160 pounds, nnd aired by tbe well known bone Lnriy. Tbe colt took the eweepetoken tor ito claaa at tbe State Fair thin fell. Farmers wbo take paint to thus im prove their stock are not o n '» en titled to credit, but put moae their awn pookete. * ■ i -cl ',1