A C1HTHDAY RHYME.
Co Rllde tli s. (I D.irn will not (trior,
' Noontide v 1 1 f.v. nor I :i r In Iti flight;
Anilcvfii-ll iicl.it iru.iu-i r. saw y
, Into tin-il.irl.:) s.of n i.I'm...! -i lii;ht.
. HolJ frt'it, Ix . 1 1 iv -on of delight:
?tla.l:u nicrrv ululr i i" inoriiiti ; ullda tlit) sl:y,
i&nd deng tiiid;i tl ii;ku f.u tin r lio;
Thy culJcn morn of M.:y ti-iio, brh-f a Irljrht
Cor lalxr iviiUs: unit c uvt ilioii cniint not mis, I
'Grief Xurtlw iridium, a i.l for liiujti r, tours.
lovic Jf only love i-iljjht spare thee tills I
"MIrIiI liolil.nl tie farther off the yours!
A llttli' louder hind t'iy IiiroI feet, I
3 youth most xivllt In passing, and mostsweotl
Ina J), Cooluriili in Overland Jlontulv.
AKMSTUOXCTS LESSOR
In tlio early-days of Colifornlii tho olden
laya of gold, or tho golden days of old, as
you jilenso in n certain miner's caniji on
Tuba river thero lived a queer genius named
tAsmstrong. lie was n:i honest miner, not
'differing materially from his fellows, except
ing thut he Jintl ni-iiriou Imliit of talking to
'liiinsclf. Fi-om tho simple reason that ho de
rparteil from tho common custom in this ono
fpartlculnr ho un. of course voted crnzy by
all -tlm other miners. To cull all persons
"'crazy"1 who do not follow the customs of
parity H a constant habit with men.
Bat day after day Armstrong worked away
with his pick and hiiovol, caring noihing for
ho remarks of hir; I'eighborH, and seeming to
tvish for no (Kirtner in his toils or rest, wive
Cb invisible persoimgo whom ho always nil
'Jrcsseil in tho second person singular, and
with whom ho was nlmostnlwnys in close and
earnest couvorsation. Tho drift of his talk
sUe nt work would Iw us follows:
"Ilnther lough work, Armstrong rich
tllrt, though grub 81 a jiound no tlmo to
"Nvastc pltc!i in, sir hanged if 1 don't wish I
vbs in tho Etntes. This mining 'h mighty
Gharri work. Nonsense, Armstrong; what a
tfool you uro to lie talking this way, with
three ounces n day right under your feet, and
toothing to do but Just to dig it out."
' Hi conversation would Ixtduly punctuated
vvith fctrokes of tho pick and lifts of tho
3oadcl shovel. And so tho days would pass
tulong, and Armstrong worked and slept and
talked with his invisible partner. Well, it
'.happened in duo course of timo.that tho class
ot 1111111.111 vumplro commonly culled gam
lcrs mndo their apiearanco ut tho camp
whero Armstrong had been working. As ho
was not nliovo following tho example of his
"fellows, ho paid tho nowcomers n visit. It is
'Cbosnmo old story. After watching thogamo
awhile ho concluded it was tho simplest thing
in tho world. Bo ho tried his luck unci won
31001 Now, any now exjierieneo would set
Armstrong to thinking nnd talking to himself
vorM) than evyw It v as so this time, "Now,
Armstrong," ho said, us ho hesitated about
fjoing to work tho next morning, "that is tho
jasicst ?10J you over mndo in your life.
Vhiit'a tho uso of your going into a holo
in tho giotind to dig for threo ounces a day?
Tho fact is, Armstrong, you uro sharp. You
uro not Hindu for this kind of work, bupixso
rou just throw away your pick and sin. vol,
leave tho mines, buy a suit of store clothes,
dress up like a born gentleman, and go ut
sjiiu business that Milts your talent."
Armstrong was not long In putting theso
thoughts unil sayings into action. Ho left
tho diggings mid invested in line clothes, lie
looked liko uuother man, but ho was still tho
name Armstrong, nevertheless. Ho was not
long in finding tin opportunity to try a new
profession. Walking forth in his fresh out lit,
ho had Just conclu led u long talk with him
M!lf about his bright prospects when ho
baited in front of u largo tout with a sign
over it, "Miners' Host." Armstrong went
in. It did not teem to him that ho remained
very long, but it was long enough to work a
wonderful revolution in his feelings. When
tia came out ho was a changed man that is
to say, ho was iv "changeless" num. Ho was
thunderstruck, amazed, bewildered. Ho had
tost bis money, last his new prosjioct, lost his
celf-coneoit lost everything but Ids now
clothes and low habit of talking to himself.
Jit is useless to say that ho was mud. Arm
strong was very mail, ltut thero was no ono
to lo mad at but Arnistro ig himself, so belt
uiiiiiUt two was in for a i nigh lecture.
"Now, Armstrong, ou uro u nteoBicci
men you fool you b. ..you dead beat you
iul" Well, 1 tiee I not repeat all tho
bnrd things ho Kuld. Like King Uiehurd, ho
'ound within himself no jnty for himself."
Hut more words wire not biillleiunt. It was
a tlmo for nctlou. llui Armstrong never onco
thought of drowning, shooting, hanging or
uiy other form of hiileiilo. Ho was alto
gether too original, us well as ten) sensible,
for that. Yet ho was resolved on something
real nnd practical In tho way of reformatory
punishment. Ho felt tho need of u holf-iin-3osed
decree of bankruptcy that bhould ren
der tho failure ns complete us possible, and
prevent a bltndar course in tho future.
So tho broi.cu firm of "Armstrong & SelP
went forth in meditation long and deep.
Borne of his thoughts were utmost too deep
for utterance, llut finally ho tdood by tho
dusty road nlong which tho great freighting
wigons wore hauling supplies to tho mining
ounp up tho Bucrumcnto. Ono ot these
vragons, drawn by six yoko of oxen, wus just
3asing. Knap, bimp, map, in blow, irrogu
Jar Miocossiou, canio tho keen, btluglng re
ports of tho long Misjiouri ox whip. "O'langl
aj'lnngf wolmw!' t.houtod tho tall, dust bo
Krlmod driver, us ho bwung his whip und
cast n bldelong glance ut tho broken firm,
xvondering "What in thunder ull thoin
store clothes was n dolii' tluir." Now, when
Armstrong s.iw the long column of white
dust rising behind that wagon ho wus taken
clth im idea. So ho shouted to tho driver to
fcnow it ho might bo allowed to walk in tho
road behind tho wugoiu
'Got in und rldo." said Uio driver,
'No,"1 nald Armstrotig, '! wish to walk."
"Thou vnlk, you crazy fool," wus tho no
coratnodatlg rosiouse, as the driver swung
liU whlii,
Thencnmo tho tuof war. Orvnk novcr
siict Oreok more ilerwly than did tho two
.xmteiuling bplrita miposlng tie Una of
JVrmstroug & Self nt that particular moment.
"Now, Armstrong," Mid the liuivriou
bead ot tho llrm, "you sit right in tho mid
tllo of that livid, hlr, uul walk in that dust
5)ehlul that wagon."
"What, with these clothe onf Why, it U
Vlflecu miles, und dusty ull tho wav."
"No nuitU'r, bir; tiiko tho road. You
squander your money on threo cardmonto;
I'll tencli you a lebsoiu"
"U'liuigJ g'langl" draxvloil tho driver, ns lio
looked over his bhoulder with u curious mlu
jglingof pity, contempt or wonder on hU dusty
'face. Jloix) und more spitefully suupiiod tho
wwinglug hip, us tho blow uiced oxeii tolled
ullo after mile under thelieutot aSeptem
lr tun. And thero in tho mid trudged Arm
wtrong behind tho wugon; t lowly, wounly,
tboughtfully, but not sJlnntly. lio waa u
wuu who always tpoVo hU thoughU.
TliUfcerve you right, Armstrong. Any
buh who will fool hi money uuay ut threo
card inonto dobervoa to walk in tho dunt,"
"It wMl njwll tlitwo clothes."
"Well, don't you deirvi HP
4TIm Uiut till jay eyon."
"V'l any Hiun who gntublM aU liU dubt
wy t tlnvo cttnl utonto dwrvca to livo
tlmA Im UU e w-uii. ullull dutt t tUat,"
TMi dut tlipVp iue,M
"AH wiy mm wUo will luck
ftpi(4 U liwked. Kwtff tlw luid,
gjr',0 mldi'ln of iho rrnl -cloo tip to thfl
wn-i.n. Do oa t)u:.'s y i in I ever b-Jck at
mo.ito n-aln, Armstroii.,?''
And mi tho iioor culprit, self arrcst.'il, self
conde::i::nl, t on ;heil u ul x.ieoned and choKcd
and wnUud and t:ii::ed, milo after mile, hour
ufter hour, while the great wagon groaned
nnd crc:.'..ol, tlie driver liaulod and bwung
his whip, the patient o::c:i gavo their
shotildprs to t!io yoke, nnd tho golden sun
of Koptomlicr sank wearily toward tho west.
The shadows of evening wero leginniug to
fall when the wngnn halted at tho plul-o
called l'aeker's lloo'st, on the Yuba.
"Hero we rest," bighed Armstrong, just
nbove his breath, ns he looked at tho stream.
"No yo.i don't," answered tho head of tho
firm. "You buck your money nwny at
mouto and talk about rest. Now, Arm
strong, go right down tho bank, sir, into tho
river." As the command was iercinptory
nnd a spirit of obedience beemed tho safest,
Armstrong ols-ye ' without parley und down
ho went, over his head and cars, btoro clothes
und all, Into tho cold mountain stream. It
was a long time that ho remained In tho
water and under tho water. Ho would come
to the Mirfaco every littlo while to talk, you
understand. It was inqiossiblo for Arm
btrong to forliear talking. "Oh, yes," he
would suv in ho camo up and snuired tho
water from Ins nose, "you'll buck your
money away at three card monte, will you
How do you liko tho water eurof' His
words w ere, of course, duly punctuated by
irregular plunges und catehings of the
breath.
It so hapiened that tho man who kept tho
shunty hotel ut tho Packer's lloost had a
woman for u wife. She, lielng a kind
hearted creature, Hesought her lord to go
down and "help tho jioor crnzy mau out of
tho water."
"l'shaw," said tho ox driver, "ho uin't a
cruzy man; ho's a fool. Ho walked behind
my wagon and talked to himself all tho wuy
from Bcrabbletown."
Therotiioii nroso a lenghty discussion nbout
tho difference between a crazy man und a
fool. Uut ufter a while the landlord and tho
ox driver went down to tho bank nnd agreed
to go to Armstrong's becurity against buck
ing ut inonto in tho future if ho would como
out of tho water. So ho camo out and wont
up to tho house.
"Will you have a cup of tea or coffeef"
said the woman, kindly.
"Yes, madam," said Armstrong, "I will
take lK)th."
"Ho is crazy, suro as can lie," said tho
woman. Hut nho brought tho two cups as or
dered. ".Milk and Mignrr" bho inquired,
kindly as U-foie.
"No, madam, mustard and red pepper,"
answered Armstrong.
"I do believe lio is u fool," said tho woman,
as shu went for the iepor and mustard.
Armstrong, with deliberate coolness, put
a KjKMilful of red iK-jqier into tho tea und u
spoonful of mustard into tho coffee. Then
ho poured the two together Into a tin cup.
Then tho old conlliet raged again, and high
above tho tlm or rattling tin cups and iniwtcr
hpoous, bounded tho stern command: "Arm
strong, drink it, nil- drink it down." A mo
mentary hesitation and a few ilesjierato
gulps and it was down. "Oh, yes," sit id our
hei-o, ns his throat burned und tho touts ran
down his eyes, "you buck your monoy nwuy
at three card monte, do you 1"
Now, tho Thonipsonian doso abovo de-Bcnlx-d,
very nearly ended tho battle with
poor Armstrong. Ho was silent for quite u
time, mid every laxly else was silent. After
a while tho landlord ventured to suggest that
n lied could Ixi provided if ono was desired.
"No," said Armstrong, "I'll bleep on the
iloor. You see, stranger," said ho eyeing
tho landlord with n peculiar expression,
"this fool has been squandering gold dust ut
mouto thrcu card inonto -und does not de
serve to blwp in a bod."
So Armstrong ended tho doy's battle by
going to lied on the Iloor. Then camo tho
dreams. Ho first dreamed that ho was sleei
ing on the North l'olo und his head in tho
tropics, whilo ull the miners in Yuba wero
ground sluicing in his stomach. Next, ho
dreamed thut ho hml swallowed Mount
Shasta for supix-r, and that tho old mountain
hud suddenly lieeonio uu active volcano and
wus vomiting acres nnd acres of hot lava.
Then the scenes shifted, nnd ho seemed to
have found his final ubodo in a place of vilo
smells und fierce Humes, politely called tho
antipodes of heaven. And while ho writhed
und groaned in sleepless agony a fork tall
fiend, w 1th his thumb ut his nose, wus saying
to him in a mocking video: "You buck your
money nwuy at tluvo curd monte, do you
heyl" Hut oven this troubled sleep had an
end ut last, und Armstrong arose. When ho
looked at himself in tho broken looking
glass that hung on the wall ho thought his
face boro traces of wisdom that ho never saw
thero W'foro. So ho said, "I think you havo
learned u 1osmii, Armstrong. You eun go
buck to your mining now, sir, und leuvo
mouto ulone."
Time showed that ho was right. His lesson
wus well learned. Tho minora looked a littlo
curious w hen ho ivapicared nt tho camp, and
still culled him crazy. Hut ho had learned u
lesson many of them had never learned, poor
fellows. They continued their old wnys,
making money fast ami spending it foolishly
oven giving it Jo mouto deulers. Hut the
Armstrong llrm w-us never broken in that
way but once. After that, whenever he saw
ono of tho iccullar signs, "Hobliers' Hoost,"
"l-'lcoeers' Den," or "Fools' Iast Chance,"
Armstrong would shako his head with n
knowing air and say to himself ns ho passed
along, "Oh, yes, Armstrong, you've Ikvii
there; you know ull ubout that; you don't
buck your money nwny ut tluvo curd inonto
not inuehP Overland Monthly.
Uought Iqit Olio Volume.
1 hapjKMiwl ill a Dakota settler's houso ona
day whilo we wero waiting for something nnd
noticed the first volume of "Johnson's Cy
clopedia" on tho shelf, ouch volume of which
work being ubout tho size of one of tho un
abridged dictionaries und very closely
printed, I casually suggested that it was n
good thing to havo in tho house, or word to
that effect.
" Yos," ho replied, "it's handy. I only got
tho llrst book."
"How does it luippcu you haven't tha
others! '
"W'y, you see, I got it of an ngfnt when I
was llvin' down in Iowa, an' 'bout six nioutlis
after round ho comes 115 iu an' knocked at tha
door, an I oiono4 it un' says he; 'Mister,
here's tho socon' tiooW of your cyclopedy.'
'Git out I' says I; 'I ain't got tho first ono read
yetf nnd I mndo him go, too, W'y, Jos' thiuk
ot it, that w ns nigh onto ten year ago, an' I
ain't moru'n two-thirds through this now, an'
my wifo is only jes' nicely blurted on tho
'irs' It took a pile o' brains to urnko it, but
for ull that 1 don't mind uiyin' thut I think
It's got its dry b treat jes' like other books."
Chicago Tribune,
Many singulations have Uvn mads a to
why "Julia" should havo been (electa! for
000 of tho numiii of tho queen's now est grand
daughter. Tho happiest suggestion is that it
U tho nearest approach to jubilee that could
bo got. The 11:100 Kugculo is, of course, a
ooi'Millment to tho ox-omprvss of tho French,
bet woon whom and Triucou Ikvitrico thrni
has Ioiijj Iwwi Bnwt affection. Tho prince
U tho one fuvorito nf tho es-viujuva, who
will is iim'U euUrviy lu Ucr fsvor,
York Huu.
THE STATE OF WAR NOT CO
BAD AS WE IMAGINE.
AnlmiiN' Dreml of Hiimnn Holns Our
Stuns'itcr F HlriN und Urastn (Jrlef of
IV I nt IiaIii a friend Niiturul Au
tlpntiilen. Thero is 11 deal of love killed out or pre
Teiitcil from manifesting Itself. This is true
not only ninong liumnii beings, but between
men anil animals nnd birds, und even insects.
The stale f war that is in existenso in na
ture is not by half ns bad us wo imagine.
1 ho worst half Is caused by our own selfish
interference. On wild islands, when first
visited b' men, it is always reported thut
fowls nml birds nroso tamo that they iK-rmit
the appmach of any ono without the idea of
fear. Uut this they soon lose. Tho same is
true of seals and 11 n mm Is that havo not lieeu
hunted. Hut thero grows up rapidly n dread
of man, so that tho icent of a human being
to an nntelojK', elk or buffalo is most nbhor
rent. This becomes 1111 inherited trait. Man,
after all, is tho great destroyer that Is
dreaded 111 all tho realms of nature. The fo
lino tribes rank next to him, together with
wolves, hawks and serents. This is not a
pleasant fact to consider, but it Is saddest of
all that it is a fact.
Nor does this begiu to toll tho full truth. It
is not wild animals nlono that dread us, but
as n rule thero is littlo love for us uniong tntno
animals, tho dog excepted. The cat has uu
occasional friend, but is compelled for tho
most part to llvo on tho defensive. Some
races, liko tho Hedouins, live on terms of
familiarity with their horses und camels.
These exceptions show tho possiblo friend
ship. In n Quaker buruynrd I have seen such
u rulo of lovo that every animal was a con
scious friend. It is only because of our
brutality, or indifference, that our animals
aro not our lovers. Cows aro by no means
"board faced creatures" w hen gently handled.
Trained up us iets, they lieeomo uH'ectionato
to a degree surpassed only by dogs. I have
owned u horse thut never allowed mo to ap
proach without placing her head affection
ately across my shoulder or her noso iu my
bosom.
1 cannot think without nnger of tho
slaughter of birds and animals for no jiossi
blo reason but siwrt. The birds would "take
to us" freely, if they dared; and, us it is, a
fow havo managed to break down prejudice.
Tho friendship botween mankind and robins
I can hardly comprehend, for this bird is far
less valuable than soino others, and is also
less beautiful. A writer in Vick's Magazine
relates how sue formed a friendship with a
humming bird. "I havo had ono brief littlo
friendship w.th a bird during the present
summer which seems like a tender dream, a
llectiiig glimpse into uu unknown land, a
peep into fairyland. ' Slio had como upon a
tiny young humming bird that had been
chilled by a cool night, und, picking him up,
had warmed and fed him. Ho grow so tamo
that "when lie was hungry ho would fly
down to mo from top of a picture, and,
alighting on u twig in my lingers, would sit
and sip his sugar nnd water from 11 teasioon
or the end of my linger. These drops would
satisfy him." and then off he How. "Ho de
lighted to bo hold over a largo spoonful of
soft water, and dip iu Ills beak und splush
water over his littlo bodv."
Thero is no reason why this gentlo uccord
muy not be established 011 nil hnnds. Pris
oners, us wo know, have formed curious at
tachments for crickets and spiders, nnd thus
saved themselves from loss of reason during
solitary coulliieiuent. Nor, even in such
coses, is the friendship altogether on one side.
Foxes, dogs, cats, horses, have leen known
lo die for grief over tho death of a ?iecial
friend. I have seen manifestations ot in
tense grief in several cases. Tho cat is capa
blo of peculiarly strong attachments. I havo
known 0110 to lo inconsolable for many
weeks nfter tho departure of u boy to whom
ho specially devoted himself.
Natural antipathies form tho other side of
this question and tho illustrations aro ull
about. A stray dog camo to my place last
summer. Ho laid himself Hat on his belly us
I approached, only moving his eyes with the
most intent watchfulness. 1 drew nearer,
not 11 motion, but he drew still Hatter to the
soil. Ho was offering his services. Would
I ucccpt him) Ho wus a beautiful cross of
shepherd nnd hunter. I said, "Yes, you
may stay." Ho know iu u moment tho pur
jKirt of my words. Ieuping up, ho camo
with eyes full of gladness and took my scent,
and nt once was u member of my household.
Hut tho friendship wus ever first of ull for
myself.
Now cumu tho question of cat and dog, for
Iliad a splendid cat that had hud 110 dogs
nbout to uimoy him. Hero wus tho natural
antagonism of tho folino und cniiino races.
Uut "Shop" uuderstoixl perfectly that ho was
uu adopted resident, and must not crowd his
acquaintance. They could not become quite
friends, but learned to tolerate eueli other.
What is this natural antipathy! Traced fur
enough buck, tho ancestry of the felines und
canines como out of a common stock. Hut
these terrible clawing creatures havo been
outlaws from time immemorial. To bito is
allowable iu the uuimtil code; but to scratch,
thut is nu innovation anil indecent, Wohavo
codes that allow bullies to iound nnd kick,
but they must not scratch. It is easy to im
agine how tho first that took to using their
nails were driven out of the tribe. I believe
tho genuine ancestry to lie canine; the feline
is n spurious olfshixit.
There ni-o intense hatreds, nswo well know,
between birds. Not one of them will form
an alliance w ith tho Hngllsh sparrow. So far
as I have observed tho blackbird has no
friends nnd does not cure for any. He works
in troops, steals iu companies, nnd has his
bill against all other sorts of birds, and is de
tested in turn. An owl is n lonely creature,
only that it is said occasionally to make a pet
ot a snake instead of eating it, which I doubt.
Tho friendship is probably like that of prai
rlo dogs and rnttlesnnkes an invasion of
snakes that can not bo prevented. The owl
may not bo able to digest some of his saurian
acquaintances. As a rule thero is some one,
or two, members of a household, that had
better let tho domestic cat nlono -sometimes
also tho dog or dogs. Why thew are not
liked by the animals I do not know, unless it
bo bomethlng in the scent. Horses huvo
stroug antipathies to certain grooms, based,
1 should judfiu, nt least in jvnrt, on smell
"E. 1. IV iuUlobu Democrat.
A New Experiences
Mistress (pumping) Hold tha pitcher
under tho spout, Bridget I
Biddy O'Galwny (under training) Oh,
mother uv Moses! Looklt! Slch a t'iugl
All yes havo to do is to Ui shakiu' that stick,
an' ycx get hould o' one bid o' tho watlier, an'
jlst pull out a roo of it. Slch a t'iug. Suro,
ma'am, tho only kind of pump wo have lu
Ireland U a bucket, Woman.
At Unig as Toulblr. I
"80 here, my friend," wild a fanner to a
tramp, "you'vo Uu lyln' iu tho shado of
that feuewfer over thirteen hours. Ain't it
bou tlmo to mow our' "Jf you wy so,"
ruidisd Iho tramn. btiwclil to his fivt. "I
IrpoM it it, t in unir iry;u- iu uu
Ut Si lOtig S JWbilbWwriUM.
'poto H U I'm only tryju1 to main my Uo
IN A BOWERY MUSEUM.
Urtwccn IVrfitrmniirfs on n Midsummer
Day A Scrimi "Curiosity."
The Bowery museums feel a summer dull
ness. "Going to give n stage porformnnco soonP
was asked, lxjioredroppinga ten cent piece at
an entrance
"Performance liegins in tho auditorium in
ten miuutc," was tho sententious reply.
Inside the museum there was nothing
lively except a glass case of tropical snakes
which wero roused from their dormant con
dition by the heat of the weather. A seal lay
on a chunk of ice, poss bly comfortablo as to
his lower side, but nway out of his lntitudo
ns to the rest of him. Some Brazilian mon
keys in n cage wero lazy in tho high temjx;r
nture, nnd the Circassian girl and tho tat
tooed man were fanning their nbout equally
exiieed surfaces. The third human curiosity
was a chap with enormous legs. Those mem
bers wero not less than treble the size of
usual legs. There is 110 deception in his case,
however, for the immense limbs were unclad,
lie wns a fellow of solemn visage, and ho was
peruing a largo book with the air of a stu
dent, lie looked up listlessly, and began his
rigmarole. "I am 21 years old," ho said,
"and was liorn in Boston. My legs began to
outgrow the rest of my staturo wlieu I was a
boy, nnd"
"What are you reading!" tho visitor In
quired. Ho stopped in his set sx?ech, nnd turned tho
open page toward tho inquirer. The book
was a medical work.
"I nni studying up my case," tho curiosity
said in a confidential tone, nnd with a glance
nround to see that there were no other listen
ers. "I want to know what is tho matter
with me, and nil nbout it."
From what he said filrther, end a perusal
of tho matter in tho book, it was learned that
ho had the disease called elephantiaslsm.
There were ns yet no outward signs of un
heulthiness iu his disproportionate legs, and
ho wns getting $'20 a week as un exhibit.
"According to tho best light I can get," ho
said, "I have got just ubout another year to
live. Probably I won't Iks able to stay in
this business more than half that time. Then
I'll go to a hospital and die. I'll go sooner if
they don't pay my wages regular, and they
ain't been doing it lately."
No wonder the poor fellow was tho most
serious looking jierson on the premises, ex
cepting the manager, who-io depression arose
from tho xiverty of tho summer business. I
was about to depart.
"Hold on," bo interposed, "we'll givo a
show us soon as thero is fifty cents iu tho
house."
Ho kept his word. When five visitors
wero gathered together ho reappeared in our
midst nnd ordered the curtain mug up. Tho
entertainment consisted of a few feats in
legerdemain tiy a consumptive, seedy and
clever expert. When he came to the point
where ho desired to introduce the trick of
taking numerous articles from a hat he made
tho usual appeal for the loan of that article.
Tho writer handed one to him,
"Thank you, sir, thank you." he said, in a
singularly heartfelt voice. "You're the first
gentleman today that lias trusted mo with
his hat. You'll get it back, upon my honor."
When n sleight of hand show is so mea
gcrly patronized that the jierfornier can't
borrow n hat, surely the show business mny
lw said to suffer from u luck of public confi
dence. New York Sun.
Our Satisfaction with Ourselves.
Hut did you honestly ever find onybody
you would liko better than yourself I Thero
aro many more beautiful women, but wo nro
not women, thank Ood. There aro many
much more manly, more handsome, moro
virilistic men than we, but uro they in their
entirety moro satisfactory to us than wo are
to ourselves? I trow not. Why? Do wo
think wo aro any brighter? Hold on a mo
ment, do I think 1 am any brighter than
onybody else? Do I think I 11111 any hand
somer? Do I think my muscles are any
harder or my nerves any more sensitive? Do
I esteem nivself, as a personality, more ut
trnctivo than anybody else?
To others? No. To myself? You may
bet you life. I wouldn't exchange my per
sonality, from the bald top of my shining
head to the imcalloused heel uimiu which I
step, mind, body and estate, for that of any
man who walks Ood's footstool.
Why? I givo it up. We uro built that
way. If it wasn't for that self sufficiency
how could wo live? If t envied Fred .May his
strength would I bo satisfied with my own?
If I admired the hairy head, the bulging
eyes, the led cheeks, tho youthful neck, tho
superb physique of any other man, how
could I meet the exactions of yesterday, to
day ami to-morrow? Tho doctrine of com
pensation is with us, like tho xxir, always.
I don't mean to say that my bald head pre
sents tho luxurious crop of his imperial nibs,
the hairy boy from Hairville. I don't mean
to say thut my ISO pounds of moro or less
virility is tho equal of t lie -00 pounds of his
lazyship, who has nothing to do but to spend
pajKi's money and lloat tho yacht of givedom.
Far Ixj it from me to 11 r tue that tho fifty
yeurs' exerieiice on which I trade is tho
equal of the thirty years of observation ot
Mr. Clovereheek from Itedtown.
But w hut does the Creator mean by im
plunting in my bivnst, nnd therefore iu the
breust, not to say breasts, of every render,
an absolute contentment, satisfaction witli
tho personality with which wo nro endowed?
It must moan something. Joe Howard iu
Boston Globe.
SuUIiii; Mines with l'oor Ore.
It is u singular fact that not only have
poor mines lieen salted with rich ore, but
rich mines have Irii very frequently suited
with poor. Tho circumstances uudcr which
such an upparent jwradox would tuko place
uro these: Explorations tire being mndo iu
some part ot a mine and a vein of very rich
mineral is suddenly uncovered. If the super
intendent has salt mid darkness iu his soul ho
is very apt to tako a pick, dig out a littlo of
tho oro and fill tho cavity with low grndo
stuff from some other mrt of tho mine. Then
he makes a discouraging rejiort, apparently
verified by facts, ami iu duo course of timo
proposes to lease tho property for a song. If
he is successful tho vein is not long iu being
rediscovered. This trick bus been played
timo and again all over tho sty to, and in
instauces tho scilter has gone so far as to "ac
cidentally" blow up 11 tunnel in which a rich
find was made. Perhais some ioor wretch
of a miner would bo caught iu tho awful sub
terranean crash that shook tho bowels of tho
earth and buried forever beneath tons of
rocky debris, but such an episode as that
never disturbs tho even tenor of a true sell
er's way. Denver Cor. New York Suu.
UlfMings In DUsuWc.
Anxious Mother You think ho Is out of
danger now, doctor! Ho will get welll
Doctor No doubt about it at all, madam.
Tho amputation has Ueu completely success
ful. "Ami I warned him, oh, so carefully, to
let toy canuons ulone. Ioon't it look liko a
judgment on my oor boyl''
"It does look liko a judgment, certainly,
mid ytt kueh things sometimes pnovo to U
blessing In dlgutse. H is not tor us tore
iilna, On hundred dollars, iuadsui-thuks,H
-kjeto Tribuuo.
THE CURSE OF SCOTLAND.
niere Arc Twenty-four Itfnon Why tlm
Nlnn oT Diamonds Is Culled Unlucky.
Every reader has at 6ome period of hia
or her lifo heard of the nine of diamonds
referred tons "the curso of Scotland;"
but why, perhnps, yon have never taken
the timo or trouble to ascertain.
In tny "Repository of tho Rareand tho
Wonderful" I find no less than seventeen
explanations of the origin of tho expres
sion, whilo Sonthwiek's "Quizzism nnd
Its Key" gives eleven, seven of which are
wholly different from the answers given
in the work above referred to, making in
nil twenty-four different accounts of the
origin of the expression in the two works.
Southwick traces it back to 1745, men
tioning a caricature of that date which
represents "tho young chevalier" at
tempting to lead a herd of bulls laden
with papal curses across tho Tweed river
with tho nine of diamonds lying before
them.
Perhaps tho most satisfactory explana
tion of tho enigma is that which refers
it to tho massacro of Glencoe. Tho or
der for that cruel deed was signed by
the Earl of Stair, John Dalrymple, sec
retary of stato for Scotland. Tho coat
of arms of the Dalrymple family bears
nine lozenges, resembling diamonds, on
its shield. Thus it appears to have been
with referenco to them that tho nine
6pot of diamonds was called "tho curse
of Scotland." The best and most likely
of the other reasons for the origin of the
expression are given below.
During tho reign of Mary a thief at
tempted to steal the crown from Eliza
beth castle, and succeeded in abstract
ing nine valuable diamonds from it. To
replace theso a heavy tax was laid on
the people of Scotland, which impover
ished them to such an extent that nine
diamonds, whether on cloth, cards or
real jewels, were spoken of as "Albion's
curse."
In tho game of Popo Joan tho nine of
diamonds is the pope, whom the Scotch
Presbyterians consider a curse.
It is also said that tho Duke of Cum
berland wrote his inhuman orders at
Culloden on the back of a card, the front
of which was marked with nine dia
monds. Tho "Oracle, or Resolver of Questions,"
printed in 1770, says that the crown of
Scotland had but nine diamonds, nml
that the Scotch p.-ople were too poor to
add to the collection. St. Louis Re
public. An levator Incident.
In one of the elevators in a down town
building the other day an absent minded
man came near departing this life with
unbecoming haste. Ho had stood close
by tho door when the car stopped at his
floor and had allowed two or three other
passengers to brush by him. He had
made no signs of a desire to step out, but
when the elevator resumed its upward
courso and tho door was nearly closed he
gave ii start and jumped forward until
his body projected out of tho car and
prevented tho door from closing. Luck
ily tho conductor understood his busi
ness. With an instinctive movement he
stopped tho car in a fow inches. Then
he drew back the door and released the
venturesomo passenger, who walked
away without even looking back or say
ing a word. Tho other passengers looked
on in bilence.
Even tho elevator man had nothing to
say for a minnte, but when tho next iloor
was reached the whole affair seemed to
strike him in a new light. lie didn't
think of tho horror of a lifo suddenly
taken nway, ot tho sickening sight of a
crushed and mangled body. "That's
what I call a mean man," quoth ho with
Bovcrity. "Want to have mo sent to tho
Tombs, eh? Gad! A mau liko that
ought to get hurt, ho had.'"-
"August
Flower
99
" I inherit some tendency to Dys
pepsia from my mother. I suffered
two years in this way ; consulted a
number of doctors. They did me
no good. I then used
Relieved In your August Flower
and it was just two
days when I felt great relief. I soon
got so that I could sleep and eat, and
I felt that I was well. That was
three years ago, and I am still first
class. I am never
Two Days. without a bottle, and
if I feel constipated
the least particle a dose or two of
August Flower does the work. The
beauty of the medicine is, that you
can stop the use of it without any bad
effects on the system.
Constipation While I was sick I
felt everything it
seemed to me a man could feel. I
was of all men most miserable. I can
say, in conclusion, that I believe
August Flower will cure anyone of
indigestion, if taken
Life of Misery with judgment. A.
M. Weed, 29Belle
fontaine St., Indianapolis, Ind." 0
1ST. HELEN'S HALL,
Portland, Orogon.
A Hoarding anil Hay Hehool for Olrl:
Founded 1KOU; tlm Illglit Itev. 1.
Wlntar MorrW, X). li., Kertor.
Thorough instruction; a lnrgi and carefully ne
levied cnri-of t'achem. atudenU im-pured for col
lw. neu ami elctant building In the most com
mantling and hcmilllul pari of thn city Kor cata
logue a.Mn-KS Hie MlSvnKS H'HINKV.
U1V CClf ED CURED 10 STAY CURED,
II A I iCf Cll We want the name and ail-
& drcof every kuflercr In tie
ACTUM A U S and Canada. Addrcu.
HOI fllllft P.I-UEjm,M.S, , K.T
' STEIN WAY, Gabler and Pease Plaoo
I M li Ihe lltaT 1'UliO MiliK, and lha Ulurtt
Vliod. Un tluck of Nhtt Miuto. Hraiiiwir II iu
"J Mil Jll IHrc, MtlTIIIU IIK4V IM
1'
BMOOK! . IIOTI.I,, lab m.iv Mmui
uuJ Hitiuii-, ti V ; roll lutU.l vu lulli Ut
f.ur u au4 Au-rtcu 4u lUU HwkJ u uu.1,4
uuuiuut of I 'lutlri UouUuuwil lU U Um
Ul (r'auiu) atwl lUuiim Mm't (uU4 iu twit tnu
twit v, bUl,t Uui.li4 ff iwiiUlilr tui uUtd
Kr I aud ruuui iw dajr, II t U flu), tlvjU, it, u.
IIMl OHUlofU, liuiu uavlOwUuO, Q(l(a
'it i U) pu uULk
rum Mm W fiuiu u
CHANGES OF CI.1MATK
Kill more people than Is Kenenilly known. I'r
llciiinro' ( Niif. the ciice to Instances where the
pnnMlttitlc" I- delicate, mid iimoiig our Immi
grant population seckliiK new home lu those
(tortious of the West, und where liniluriiil mid
typhoid fevers prevail nt certain seiisolis of the
venr. The la-st preparative Torn t Iuhikc of ell
inntp.or of diet and water which that chanije ne
cessitates, Is llostetter s Stomach Hitters, which
tint onlv I'irltiles tin s-vstciii aidlist malaria, a
variable tempcrHture.diiinp.and the debilitating
.,., in in pleal heat, hut Is also the lcadlnif
reined v foi constitution, ilspepsia. liver com
plaint,' bodilv tmtttilcH specially apt to nttack
emigrants and vlsttnrs to regions near the equa
tor, mariners and tourists. Whether used as a
safeguard by sea ojiiHvrs, travelers by land,
miners, or of iinriculturists lu newly populated
dlstri''!'. till' Hue siKjeltlo has elicited the most
favorable ti stlmimy.
Tom Have vou asked llessle yet? Jack-Yes.
"What did she say?" "That she would take
vanilla."
i;.vim:kii:xci: dp as ix-cii a mi-ion.
Athletes und men who take ordinary out
door exercise, such us walking, running,
bicycle riding, jumping, swimming, tennis-,
etc., nre often the subjects of acute
troubles. The experience of un ex-champion
walker will he of interest to all who
are ulllicted. Kead the following letter:
i0..j-l j'jAST aMm:tkkmii ni.,i
Xkw Yoiik, April 2. 1.S.MS. f
Numerous statements rchitivei to the
merits of different plasters bnving been
brought to my attention, I take this oppor
tunity to state that 1 have tifcd Ai.i.cock's
('mini's I'l.ASTKiis for over twenty years and
prefer them to any other kind. 1 would
lurthcrmore state tli-.it I wus very sick with
catarrh of the kidneys, and attribute my
recovery entirely to Ai.i.cock's l'oitous
I'lastkLs. IIahisy llltOOKS."
V vecet.ible bonnet One with a turn up on
h bide.
For relieving throat troubles and coughs
"rtioieu's Uronrhinl Tiorhe.i" have a world
wide reputation. Sold 0111 111 Oujirs. Price,
Ai cents.
Think of the devil and a demagogue bobs up
and begins to lot your children.
DseKuamellue Stove Polish; no dust, no smell.
The man who goes to church much hears a
great deal of preaching that lilts other people.
Talk's cheap, but when it's
backed up by a pledge of the
hard cash of a financially re
sponsible firm, or company, of
world-wide reputation for fair
and honorable dealing, it
means business
Now, there are scores of
sarsaparillas and other blood
purifiers, all cracked up to be
the best, purest, most peculiar
and wonderful, but bear in
mind (for your own sake),
there's only one guaranteed
blood-purifier and remedy for
torpid liver and all diseases
that come from bad blood.
That one standing solitary
and alone sold on trial, is
Dr. Pierce's Golden Med
ical Discovery.
If it don't do good in skin,
scalp and scrofulous diseases
and pulmonary consumption
is only lung-scrofula just let
its makers know and get your
money back.
Talk's cheap, but to back a
poor medicine, or a common
one, by selling it on trial, as
" Golden Medical Discovery "
is sold, would bankrupt the
largest fortune.
Talk's cheap, but only " Dis
covery " is guaranteed.
THE SMITHS.
KVKItY
BOY AND GIRL
In the world by the name of
SMITH
j Who u ill send A'i cents In stamps or other good
' money, will receive by return until, poxtpatd, a
nice siiK uatiiiKcrciuei, noi large, out a erieei
DAISY.
Write to SMITH'S CASH STOUK, the greatest
outfitters in the world, at 110 118 Front street,
Sun Kruncisco, Oil.
Faber's Goldon Female Pills..
ForFemalo Irregular
Hies; notlilnelikelhcm
on tho market. Ketet
Jail. Successfully used
by prominent ladles
monthly. Guaranteed
to relieve mippruued
menstruation.
SURE! SAFE! CERTAIN!
Don't bo humbugged.
Save Time, Health,
and money ;Uko no oth
er. Sent to any address,
secure by mail on re
ceipt o ( price, f00.
Audrain.
1HEAPHR0 MEDICINE COMPANY,
Western Branch, Box27,l'OXtTAND. OR
Bold by Wisdom Ubuo Oo., Portland. Or
FRAZER AXLE
Best in the World!
Get the Genuine!
Sold Everywhere!
GREASE
J'0.".1"!- rr 'B. A I' Arnutronjr. l'rln.
uraucu st iio.il t anrai. Ilia. Colmiie. hoUrn, Orrgon.
Niiuo courva of HuJy, uiu rate of lulllou.
Jhisinoss, Shorthand,
Tytnvritmr.Ptiim.iHtkit.aHj f.luk PAjrtmtlt
-iieMtotiilirouiitioutejear. Blu4mla wtmlt
Ud at any lliuo. 1uIoku from either Klioul, frt.
OREGON HOMESTEAD CO. .U',
IS '. !,fui''' " - INmuiMi lljtwiliiiniu'a
Firm Adrtiium. i.uu.. 'rt. ..viu wai-ari.
I'ttitMtMliu dwliv lu oaiuii.t) ll.U nrui.ul) Hill
Uutl uir mfvut awl u-aw rrl ttu llii'x al Hie uf
n' n t! "I-" W unVr Iidimi ar Inula uf
Dm- HaMlliariMt mUIi al HuUUiro Walillicluii
jail ll.rt iiw,, dfHy, ,,, tu t)34 M tM vv