The Oregon Scout Jones fit Chancey Publishers. UNION. OREGON. r. ALL HANDS LIE DOWNI The Fearful Sea Fight lletween tlio Allxv uiurlo mill tho Siikhdcii. Now came tlic decisivo moment, for ly this action, which was in reality n maneuver of our commander, wo had acquired n distance from the ram of about 400 yards, and tho latter, to evade tho Mattabesett, had Hhecrcd off a little and lay broadside to tv. Tho Union ship were now on both sides of tho ram, with engines stopped. Commander Itoo saw tho opportunity, which an instant's do lay would forfeit, and boldly met tho crisis of tho engagement. To tho engi neer ho cried. "Crowd waste and oil in -the firca and back slowly I Givo her all the steam she can carry!" To Acting 3Lister Boutello ho said, "Lay her course 4"or tlio junction of tho casemato and tho IjuIH" Then came four bells, and, with full steam and open throttle, tho ship sprang forward like a living thing. It was a moment of intense strain and anxiety. Tho guns ceased firing, tho smoke lifted from tho ram, and we saw that every elTiirt was being inado to evado tho aliock. Straight as an arrow wo shot forward to tho designated spot. Then came tho order, "All hands lio down 1' ind, with a crash that shook tho ship Jiko an earthquake, wo struck full and square on tho iron hull. Our ship quivered for an instant, but held fast, and tho swift plash of the paddles showed that tho engines wero uninjured. My own station was in tho bow, on tho main deck, on a lino with tho enemy's guns. Through tho star 'board shutter, which had been partly jarred off by tho concussion, I saw tho jwrt of tho ram not ten feet away. It opened, and liko a flash of lightning I saw tho grim muzzlo of a cannon, tho straining gun's crew naked to tho waist and blackened with powder; then a blaze, a roar and a rush of tho shell ns it crashed through, whirling mo round and Washing mo to tho deck. Both ships wero under headway, and, as tho ram advanced, our shattered bows clinging to tho iron casement wero twisted round and a solid shot from a Drooko gun almost touching our sido crashed through, followed immediately liy a cloud of steam and boiling water that filled tho forward decks as our over charged boilers, pierced by tho shot, emptied their contents with a shrill Bcreaiu that drowned for an instant the roar of tho guns. Tho shouts of com mand and tho cries of tho scalded, wounded and blinded men mingled with the r.ittlo of si'mill arms that told of a liand to hand conflict above. The ship urged heavily loort as tho great weight of water in tho boiler was expended, and over tho cry, "Tho ship is sinking!" came tho shout, "All hands rciel boarders on atarlioard howl" Tho horrid tumult, always character istic of battle, was intensified by the cries of agony from tho scalded and fran tic men. Wounds may rend, and blood may How, and grim heroism keep tho teeth set firm in silence; but to be boiled alivi. to have tiio flesh drop from tho face and hands, to ttrip off in sodden mass from tho tody as tho clothing is torn away in savago eagerness for relief, will bring screams from tho stoutest lips. In tho midst of all this, when every man had left tho engine, room, our chief en gineer, Mr. Hobby, although badly scalded, stood witli heroism at his post: ?nor did ho lcavo it till after tho action, .when ho was brought up, blinded and helpless, to tho deck, I had often beforo Kh'ii in battle; had stepped over the (decks of a steamer in the Merrimao ilght when a shell had exploded cover ing tho deck with fragments of human 'bodies, literally tearing to pieces tho men on the small vessel as sho lay alongside tho Minuosota, but never beforo had I .experienced such n sicken ing sensation of horror as on this occasion, when tho bow of tho Sassacus lay for thirteen minutes on tho roof of tho Albemarle. An ofilcer of tho Wyn Jusing Bays that when tho dense smoko and steam cuvelojHd us thoy thought wo had sunk, till tho (hush of our guns burst through tho clouds, followed by flash after flash In quick succession, as our men recovered from tho shock of tho explosion. In Commander Fobiger's report tho time of our contact was said to lo "somo few minutes." To us, at least, there seemed time enough for tho other ships to close in on tho ram and sink her or blnl; bcsldo her, and it was thirteen min uted as timed by an ofilcer, who told me, but tho other ships wero silent, and with slopped engines looked on as the clouds closed over us in tho grim and final struggle. 12. Holdcn, M. D., lato U. S. 2i in Tho Century, How II k HolW Aro Hung. Tho tu'elvo bolls of St. Paul's cathedral in London nro Raid to bo tho grandest ringing ieal In tho world. It is a matter of prkio with tho Knglisli that thoy id ways nivlng their bells instead of merely vwinging tho clapiicra after tho fashion prevailing in llussia and other parts of continental Europe. Tho Driton swings oven his largest boll in tho good, old fashioned way, and it is quito an under taking to swing tho sixteen ton "Great J'aul," which, with its live-ton brother, supplements tho noble peal on tho grand est Protestant cathedral in tho world. On tho day (Jen. Garfield's body was car ried to tho grave, tho writer stood in tho uquaro in front of St, Paul's, and heard theso chimes jeal In honor of tho dead president. Dcubo crowds filled tho neigh boring streets, nnd tho adjacent windows and housetops wero black with humanity. All London was thero to llaton to tho mournful requiem of tho bells. It was a Klemn upectaclo when, as a stranger in a strango land, one saw thoso tens of tlkousanda of Englishmen thus doing honor to tho nohlo tlead. It was an evi dence of International synqtathy, nfTeo tlou and brotherhood which one who saw it can never forget. ltoston Herald. ;:. NiuMHr Ability. Clthsen (to editor of new paper) In your partner In tho new venture a good jM-wur man, Mr. Shear f Kdltor Out of the Ut I ever met. lie km IW.QQQ In null. -Tin) Kocli. LIFE IN YOKOHAMA. Carious Sight In tlio City Native Char acter anil CiiRlonin. In visiting Japan from this country tho direct course is to cross the continent to San Francisco, whence n three weeks' voyage will land tho traveler in the com mercial capital of Yokohama. "When Commodore Perry opened this jwrt in 1851 with a fleet of the American navy, it was scarcely more than a filling vil lage, but it has now a imputation of 180,000, with well built streets of dwell ing tiouses, tho thorouchfares broad, cleanlvnnd all macadamized. The town (extends along tho level shore, hut is "backed by a half moon of low, wooded I hills, known ns tho Blulfs, upon which aro tho villas of tho foreign residents, built after tlio Eurojiean nnd American Btyles. A deep, broad canal surrounds the city, passing by tho largo warehouso and connected with tho bay at each end, I being crossed by several handsome nnd 'substantial bridges. From tho Bluffs ' there is n charming nnd extended view. ' 4i . ..... ......... ,1... All II1U WCSl, bUVtill. IIIIICO lliu wtiitc, cloud liko cono of Fujiyama, tho ono volcanic mountain of Japan, can bo clearly discerned, whilo all about the visitor lio tho attractive villas, beautiful gardens and groves of ornamental trees belonging to the foreign settlers. In looking about Yokohama, every thing strikes us as curious; every now Bight is a revelation, while in all direc tions tangible representations of tho strango pictures wo have seen upon fans, jBatsuma und lacquered ware aro pre sented to view. Ono is struck by tho I partial nudity of men, women nnchil I dren, tho extremely simple architecture I of the dwelling houses, tho jeculiar vog- elation, tho extraordinary salutations bc i twecn tho common people who meet each other upon the streets, tho trading I bazars and tho queer, toyliko articles I which fill them, children flying kites in jthoshnpo of hideous yellow monsters 'each subject becomes a fresh study. Men propelling vehicles, liko horses be tween tho shafts, and trotting off at a 6ix mile pony gait, is a singular sight to a gtrangcr. So are tho naked coolies, working by fours, bearing heavy bales or hogsheads swung from their bhoulders upon stout jiolos, while they shout a measured chant by means .of which to keep step. No beggars are soon upon tlio streets. The peoplo aro neat and cleanly. Tho houses aro special exam ples of this very small, seldom over twenty feet square and ono story in height. All persons, foreigners or natives, lake oH their shoes before entering upon the polished floors. Tho conviction forces itself upon us that such universal neatness and cVanliness must extend even to tho moral character of tho peoplo. A spirit of gentleness, industry and thrift Is observnblo everywhere, imparting an Arcadian atmosphere to theso surround ings. In tlio houses which wo enter thero nro found neither chairs, tables nor bedsteads; the ncoulo sit. eat and sleet) imon tho . . - s floors, which aro at nil times as clean as a nowly laid tablo cloth. Hero and thero I uion tho roadsides moss grown shrines bearing sacred emblems aro observed, be foro wjnen women, out rarefy men, nro seen bending. Tlio principal religions of Japan nro Shinto and Buddhism, sub divided into many sects. Tho Shinto is mainly a form of hero worship, success ful warriors being canonized as martyrs nro in tho Komnn Catholic church. Buddhism is another form of idolatry, borrowed originally from the Chinese. As wo travel inland, places aro pointed out to us where jiopulous cities onco stood, but where no ruins murk tho spot. A dead and buried city in Euroo or Asia leaves rudo but almost indistructible re mains to mark where great communities onco built temples and monuments, and whero thoy lived and thrived, liko those historic examples of mutability, Memphis, Pnestum or Delhi, hut it is not so in Japan. When it Is remembered of what ephemeral material tho natives build their dwellings, namely, of light bamboo frames and paper, their utter disappear ance ceases to surprise us. It is a curi ous fact that this peoplo, contemporary with Greece anil Pome at their zenith, who have only reared cities of wood nnd temples of lacquer, have outlived tho classic nations whose half ruined monu ments form our choicest models. Tho Hellenic und Latin races have passed away, hut Japan still remains, without a dynastic chango and with an inviolate country. In journeying inland, wo nro struck with many peculiarities showing how en tirely opposite to our own methods nro many of theirs. At tho jiost stations tho horses nro placed in stalls with their heads to tho pusMigoway, and their tails show in place of their heads. Instead of iron shoes, tho Japaneso jwiiy is shod vlth closely braided rico straw. Carpen ters draw tho piano toward them, instead of pushing it from them. It is tho same in using n saw, tho teeth being set ac cordingly. Tho tailor sows from him, not toward his body, and holdshis thread with his toes. 'Tho women rido astride, like tho Hawaiian. Manufacturing of various sorts is carried on to a largo ex tent. Wo have evidence enough of this in tho variety and quantity of native articled which are iuqiortcd thenco into this country. Yet tho use of mechani cal contrivances for tho purpose of pro duction is little known. Hand work is ticarly tho only process employed. The mode of husking rico which is common will illustrate this, being performed as follows: Tio grain is placed iu a sort of mortar, into which a pestle falls, it being attached to a horizontal bar of wood sup ported in tlio middle bv a fulcrum. On tho end oppositu to tho jxstlo a man takes Ids jHWilion, and by stepping on and off tho end of the bar ho raises and lets fall tho jiestlo upon tho rico. Ma chinery is being gradually introduced from Europe und America, but Is ttill regarded by tho common peoplo wl'.'i distrust. M. M, llallou in Boston llcrul J. Oniutti of tho llrutiu Tho human brain reaches its greatest weight between tho ages of 1-1 arid So In both sexes; after that it grows continually smaller through life. Whilo Intelligence is rapidly Increasing from 0 to U0 years of ago, tho brain is dimin ishing, Tho timo that a man knows most is from 70 to 60; but (hen his brain U smaller than when ho was a boy bctwci u 7 and . 11, tho ago when ho thought he knew tho met. Hull's Journal U UiMdtU. THE PILE WORM'S HABITS. It IteninrknMc Itnvncon In Itlddllng Tim ber An Importation. Just at high water mark and extend ing a foot below it. I saw the stanchest timbers wasted away until I could havo spanned their circumference with my hand. The constant fric tion of the waves alone could not have dime this. It was tho work of that dread enemy of wharf owners nnd ship masters, the teredo na valis. Now, I could account for tho sinking in of tho floor of the dock in many places. The worm would attack u pile and, with his numberless comrades, eat and eat away the wood until it was absolutely honeycombed. Tlio waves would then complete tho work. Tlio point of attnek chosen by these bivalvular pests, in a pile, is from about fifteen inches below up to high water mark. This generally breaks tho timber at about midway between tho wharf and tho sur faco of tho earth. Imagine a stout pino trunk, of n diam eter of a foot and a half, completely filial with long, tortuous channels vary ing from one-quarter to three-quarters of an inch, and running from outer edge to outer edge. Now, as thin as is this sheet upon which I write these lines, as thin as tho transparent division against which tho golden honey rests in tho waxen comb, so thin are tho walls be tween each of the fatal channels which mark tlio passago and progress of tho worm through tlio doomed timber. As singular as it may seem, they never break through, they never disturb each other or trespass upon each other's terri tory. Thero may be a thousand of them in a single pile, but no instance has yet been found in which ono of theso as sageways intersected another or trenched upon another's right of way. They may all bo boring at onco some up, souie down, somo laterally, somo obliquely and they may raako their division walls as thin as it pleases them, but thero is never an infraction of this law, of abso lute inviolability of each individual's right of way. It will easily lo appre hended, therefore, how quickly a timber thus riddled will bo worn away by tho constant attrition of the tides, until it finally breaks, nnd brings with it in its fall tho beam above, of which it was the support. A study of tho history and habits of this singular worm will ho found neither uninteresting nor unprofitable. Its hab itat was originally in tho tropic seas, but being carried in tho timbers of vessels into North American nnd European waters, it lias become tho terror nnd dread of wharfmen and captains of un sheathed sailing craft along the Atlantic and Pacific coasts and in tho harbors of numbers of Mediterranean cities. Ac cording to tho classification of Linnreus, this bivalvo belongs to tho family of pho ladidoj, and genus teredo, so called from their habit of destroying ship or other timber. Tho shell is equal valval, and in form it i3 short, thick and round nnd widely open in front and rear. This shell is situated at tho inner end of a tulie, somewhat cylindrical in shape, and either straight or crooked, as tho case may bo; this tubo being open at each end in the full grown specimens, and lined or coated with a white, chalky paste or substance, which seems to bo its digestive apparatus. Tlio weapon of the teredo is not teeth, ns might bo supposed. This singular animal has still another peculiarity, de pendent, however, upon tho ono last men tioned, for binco it3 instrument is its foot, so it feeds itself not from tho mouth, but from tho foot itself. The valves above noted aro simply appendages of tho foot. In fact, if a teredo should have his foot amputated he would in a most vital sense "loso his grip." In tho center of the circular opening of tho vnlves tho foot is protruded, liko tho blade concealed in a spring cane, and tho entire arrangement constitutes a boring machine of power inconceivable in sobmall nn object. But tho strength of this inacliino becomes ap parent when upon a closer examination ono notes tho strong rubber liko ridges of tho valves, which can contract with great force, and tlio comparatively immense sizo of tho great abductor musclo which enables tho teredo to uso its sharp foot with tho ease of an auger passing through tho softest pine. This worm attains often n great length, but it is usually from one foot to a yard long, its sizo depending tin tho length of timo it has been in tlio wood and fre quently on tho tizo of the wood itself. It is provided with two respiratory tubes, each of which has n siphon attached to a calcareous, flattened, triangular plato on tho outside of tho body. It lias two heads if such the,- can tw called each attached to the exuvmity of a tubo much smaller than tho niidii trunk, and which nro each (the small tubes) about six inches long; or, in other words, the main body splits into two small tulies at about n foot or six inches from whero tho head is in n teredo, and where tho tail would bo in a snake. This worm is ovi parious, and when the young nro born (with a smooth shell) they swim around by means of a vibra tilo cilia; sometimes creeping with tho foot until old enough to liegin work on a pioco of wood. A good, nice, now pile having been selected, they fasten them selves to tho wood by means of tho suction apparatus in their heads, striko in with their foot and boro inwardly un til ouly tho head remains outsido. Then thoy fasten themselves to tho opening, llush with Its very edge, just na a clerk will fasten sheets of paper together by turning over tho sides of a brass clamp, and henceforward their solo aim, object and ambition in life is to grow, bora und make sawdust. Small when they enter, they could no more creep backward out of their original hole after feasting a month or two on a rich plno log than a camel could go through tho eyo of a needle. St. Louis Globo-Democrat. AitcroliU u ComcU. Professor Daniel Kirkwood points out ttiat soven of tho twenty known comets of short period havo disappeared, either by breaking into fragments, liko Dilla'a comet, or by tho transformation of tho orbit by tho iullueuco of Jupiter, us in tho case of LcxcU's comet, no had already given reasons for thinking that two of tho short period comets wero asteroids drawn from their orbits by Jupiter's attraction, and ho now ad vances evidence tending to show tliat the entire twenty wero orlgiually small ruaneU. Arkaasaw Traveler. Tno Native Army of India. Tho imperial service I use tho expres sion recommended by the civil service commissioners because it covers both tho civilians and the administering soldiers havo displayed for a century a rigid re spect for promises and perfect pecuniary honor. Consequently, aided by tbo rooted Indian idea, that, jower being of God, any one. however hostile, may hon orably 6ervo a do facto ruler, they havo always been able to hiro Indian agents of all kinds soldiers, policemen and minor officials in any number required. That power, however, gives them no foot hold. As 1857 showed, they have not secured even the loyalty of the In dian soldiers bound to them by oath, and while actually m tho service, and outsido tho ranks of their paid servants, they havo nothing to de pend on. Thero is no nation or tribo or casto in India which is certain in tho hour of trial to stand by tho white man's side; which has. so to speak, elected him as ruler; which, were the garrison de feated or withdrawn, could lo trusted to die rather than the empiro should fall. Thero is no nntivo army that tho im perial service which is, I repeat, tho empire could summon with confidence; no tribo whom they could arm en masso; no Mtivo city whose inhabitants would risk a storm to protect them from being slain. Meralith Townsond in Fort nightly Review. Naked In 08 Degree llelow Zero. "Tho coldest sjwt is probably around tlio magnetic jwle. I myself found 71 degs. below and moved camp twclvo miles that da y. Therefore it is quito pos sible that at the pole itself thero is open water." "How cold is such a temperaturo as judged by results?" "It is pretty cold, but one gets used to ii Thero is a peculiar misunderstand ing about such a low temperature in tho scientific world. I remember reading" in Tlio Popular Science Monthly, which is supposed to be accurate, a statement to tho effect that in such cold meat taken from a tailing pot will freeze solid lw foro it can bo put into the mouth. That is nonsense. Why, I havo been naked in a temperature of 08 degs. below. It was inside a snow hut as 1 took off my clothes and got into a sleeping bag. It is the wind that plays the mischief witli everybody; but. fortunately, tho colder it gets the stiller it gets, and when it gets way down it's pretty quiet, I can tell you. But when you get back to tho or dinary temperature, then comes the torture. When I got on the whaler and began to get south I suffered excruciat ingly, und thought I should suffocate; a flsli out of water was nothing to it." Interview with Lieut. Schwutka. Murrlns- Amone Di-uf Mutt's. The education of deaf mutes, nnd the teaching them trades, so that they be come intelligent and productive members of society, of course induce marriages among them. Is not this calculated to increaso tho uumlier of deaf mutes? Dr. Gillette thinks not. The vital statistics show that consanguineous marriages art) n largo factor in deaf muteism; about 10 per cent., it is estimated, of the deaf mutes are tho offspring of parents re lated by blood. Ancestral defects are not always perpetuated in kind; they may defend in physical deformity, in deafness, in imlecility. Deafness is more apt to descend in collateral branches than in a straight line. It is a striking fact in a tablo of relationships prepared by Dr. Gillette, that whilo tlio 450 deaf mutes enumerated had 770 relationship to other deaf mutes, making a total of of 1,220, only twelve of them had deaf mute parents, and only two of them ono deaf rauto parent, tho mother of these having been able to hear, and that in no caso was the mother alono a deaf mute. Charles Dudley Warner in Harper's Magazine. Disposal of Old WoonVn Wshl'Ih. Somo Norwegian shipowners havo hit upon a novel method of disposing of old wooden vessels with some profit. Tlio work of breaking up such vessels being not only costly, but very laborious, ves sels unfit for further service aro towed across to tho coast of Jutland, where thero is great scarcity of firewood and tinilier. They are thero loosely anchored somo distance from tlio shore, which is hero sand, and during tlio first gale the sea will perform the operation of break ing up and carrying tho timber ashore. This is then collected and sold at very good prices. Of lato scores of useless hulks havo been disosed of in this man ner. Ircn. A SHIItiiry MU-roi1iono. It is rejiorted that a young infantry officer of tho French army has invented a I kind of military microphone by means of which tho approach or tho movements of troops, as well as their probable iiuiii- 1 bers, may lw gauged. Iho apparatus j is described ns being ns simple as it is ingenious, and consists of a transmitting and a re ceiving machine, which aro connected j together by a metallic wire. Thouxpcri : incuts made with the instrument during tho recent maneuvers nt Montauban be j foro Gen. Vincendon and his staff wero I very satisfactory. Paris Cor. London 1 olograph. 'Wound of Hid Abdomen. Modem surgery, aided by antiseptics, has ennblal surgeons to accomplish rc- ( suits which, twenty-fivoyonrsogo, would no department mure marked than in the abdominal surgery. Whilo formerly a wound of tho abdomen, either from a gunshot or n stab, was considered almost necessarily fatal, at tho present day many lives nro saved by an operation, which consists in opening tho abdomen, tying every Wood vessel that may havo been lacerated, nnd sewing up any wound which may have been mado in tho hi tcatines. Sclenct'. Sunflower Vomit Mulurla. It is stated that since tho sunflower has been cultivated on certain swamps of tho , Potomao malarial fever has decreased. I At tlio mouth of tho Scheldt in Holland I it la stated that similar results havo been I obtniual. Tho sunflower emits largu i volumes of water In tho form of vajwr; I and its aromatic odor, as well aa tho ' oxygen It exhales, may havo to do with tho sanitary influence in question. Bos ton Budget. Ono Clinrncter 8nved. Lawyer I wouldn't :ellcve Blinks under oath. lu the witness box tho other day hfl admitted that ho rode in tho street cars ut tho most crowded hoars, gencrallj had to stand up, nnd got his ears, toes nnd fingers frozen in tlieni every winter, nnd yet lie sworo that ho had no prejudice against tho street car conipanv. Well Posted Citizen Oil, that's nil right Blinks is ono of iho stockholders. Omahu World. A Goc.il r.itlint. "How do you feel this morning, grund lainmar' "I don't know, child. The doctor has not como yet." Life. Knocked Out. Col. Tragedy Wnlker moved to take from tho tablo the following resolution: "Resolved, Dot do washiu' niachino is a ' greater public benefactor dnn de railroad." Samuel Sum supported tlio motion, out Brother Gardner passed it by and asked: "Brudder Wnlker, didn't you start fur To ledo a few days ago!" "Yes, sah." "Stnrunl to go on do railroad kyarsi" "Yes, will." "You was put off lekase you couldn't pay ycr farer i "I was put off boknse I'd forgot my money, sah." ! "Exactly; an' dis resolushun is in de way of revenge i" "Y-yes, san." "Do objict ar' to weaken confldenco in railroads?" "Y-yes, sah." . "An' build up a feeling of security in do washin' machine, which nebber jumps do track or goes f row a bridgor' "Dat's it, sab." "Well, do resolushun will bo tooken from do tablo an1 placed in do stu ro. If you want to bo revenged on do railroads you mus' lio in nmbuh an' lick a conductor. No man kin uso dis club to grind his private axes." Limo Kiln Club in Detroit Frco Press. No Chuneo with the Small Roy. Ono way to worship. Buddha in tho teraplo of Kiota, Japau, is to chow "prayer paper," nnd when soft throw it in tho form of a pel let nt tho god through a wiro screen. If it goes through and sticks on the god tho prayer will bo answered; if it hits on tho screen it is no good. Tho American school boy, who can hit a mark on tlio ceiling overy timo with a paper ball would never miss having his prayer nuswered in tho tcmplo nt Kiota; nor would it bo so diflicult to jwrsuado him to "engngo in prayer" in that country. Tho god would havo to hump himself to answer all tho prayers. Norristown Herald. Too 3Iucli to Stand. American tin Canada) As I was coming along thtf street I saw Mr. Do Thief, tho great American embezzler, being taken to the polico station. I Canadian Yc, Mr. Do Thief is a very vnluablo addition to our society ns ho spends his money freely, but ho mu.st learn to obey our laws oven if ho is rich nnd generous. "Eh? What has ho been doiugr "Driving faster than a walk ou Sunday." Omaha World. Ile.-il i:tuto Deal. Dairyman Got nny dairy farms for rent? Agent No, but I havo a fow acres which might do for o. "GraiS on it.'" "No, nothing hut clay." "Humph! Hasn't it over boon cultivated?" "No; it used to bo a brickyard." "What is thero on it, anything at nil?" "It has a never failing spring." "I'll take it." Omaha World. Tlio Prodlpil t'ntlior. "Havo you strawlwrries?" ho asked. "Yes," said tho dealer, with a shudder, no had invested his nil in tho mad speculation and two pint nnd two half piut baskets, j "Go mo one, pieaso; that red berry on top, I if you will. It's my littlo girl's birthday, ' and I promised her something choice." And York Sun. Liberal. "What do you want?" ho inquired of the man who held tho subscription book. "Ono dollar." "And what fori" "To bury a policeman." Tlio sport ilalied out a f5 bill nnd handed it to tho man. "Bury five," ho said. Chicago News. Hardly a Decent lturlal. Jones Look at Brown over thero in tho corner. Smith Yes; buried in thought. Jones Mighty shallow grave, ain't it? Washington Critic. A.Detlcato Coiuidlnmiit. Miss Clara Young Mr. Sampson paid mo such a pleasant compUmeut last evening, EthcL Miss Etbel-Oh, did ho? Miss Clara Yes; I was complaining about being compelled to do somo shopping in that dreadful rain storm yesterday. Ho thought I must havo found it delightful been uso it was such flno weather for ducks. He lias tuch a dedicate way of putting things. Tho Epoch, ' IP"" f STORIES ABOUT MEN. Something o, l.lnr. but Not for Tortj Ccntf. A number of members from the houso of represent iti ves havo stolen awny nt various times and for short periods from their con gressional duties. Most of them havo en Joyed themselves, but nono to a greater ex tent than did Wnde, of M.ssouri; Liud, of Miunesottn, and Sawyer, of Now York. They invaded the state of Maryland and studied tho unsophisticated natives until they got tired. Tho last placo at which they made nny stay was Leonardtowu. From thero thoy intended coming to tho capital by boat, but that semi-occasional craft having do parted, they wero compelled to travel by raiL Tlio train was started with a pinchbnr and proceeded nt a very deliberate gait. Occa sionally tho conductor would get off and gather a few peaches, with which he would treat tho passengers. After tho train had been crawling along for nn hour and had covered nt least six miles, tho conductor col lected tho fares, which, for tho congressional cro-i d, nniounted to 8U cents each. When be reached Col. Wade, that genial "bald knob ber" remarked, in his innocent way: "Do you charge preachers full fare on thU road!" "No, sir," was tho conductor's reply. "We only charge them half rates. Are you a preacher J" ho added, looking squarely at the colonel's Methodist countenance. "No, I am not," said tho Missourlan, "but that gentleman is," pointing to Judgo Saw yer, who sat a couplo of seats in front of him. Tho conductor nt onco returned to the judge, and nfter a searching glanco at the tun kissed countcnaiico of tho New York statesmen, proffered him 40 cents, with the remark: "Wo only collect half rates from preachers." "Who in blank said 1 was a preacher?" asked tho judge, with considerable 6how of anger. Tho conductor throw his thumb back over his shoulder in tho direction of Col. Wndo, nnd looked as though ho thought nil the timo that tho colonel was garbling tlio facts iu tho caso. In the meantime the threo dimes, tho nickel nnd five pennies reposed calmly in tho judge's fat palm. He regarded them in sileneo for a moment, and then Imuded them back to tho oillcial, saying: "I am a good deal of a liar, but I will not lio for 40 cents." Then ho relapsed into absolute sileneo nnd would not look ut Col. Wado until Washing ton was reached. Washington Post. I l Tlio Illll Was Passed. An ex-member of tho Virginia state senate told mo tho ot.ier duy of an incident in his legislative career which I do not remember ever having seen in print beforo. A. L. Pride more, not many y(enrs ago a member of the houso of representatives from tho Ninth Vir ginia district, was before lio came to Wash ington a member of tlio Virginia senate. One day he introduced a bill for tho relief of the sureties of II. G. Wax, who was a collector of taxes in Scott county. Ho made a brief explanation of tho bill, nnd when he sat down Edgar Allen, familiarly known us "Yankee Allen," who represented tho Farm villo district, roso and said: "I wish to ax If Mr. Wax Hns been too lax Iu collecting tlio taxi If such aro tho facts I am willing to relax And remit the tax Which tho law enacts Wo should exact Of his sureties." It is needie&s to add, my informant say, that tho bill passed by u unanimous vote. New York Tribune. Goodwin Hud tho llcst of It. Nat Goodwin is pretty bile!: and can get out of a scrape us clean ns any man living. A gentlemau iu New York, writing to a friend hero, mado somo comparative allusion to Chicago and the eastern metropolis. In concluding ho wrote: "But I know your feeling toward Gotham," and then added: "Hero is u littlo story on Nat Goodwin that is not malapropos: Ono day Nat Goodwiu met young Mr. Ilendorson, a friend of tuiue. 'Hello, Nat,' called out Henderson; 'where havo you been so longf 'Oh, up in Boston, Montreal and Philadelphia,' returned Good win; 'and, Billy,' ho continued, 'I am glad to get back to Now York. All othar pluces in tho country aro just camping out oiie3.'" Goodwill has been playing here, nud tho Chi cago man, meeting linn oi:o day last week, showed him the letter and asked him if ha thought it was kind to sjieak that way after all tho grand receptions ho had had hero. Nat looked at tho letter, smiled, und said without hesitation: "Why, my dear fellow, you don't think I would bo guilty of men tioning Chicago iu connection with thoso places, do you? Pshaw! They can't trot in tho samo class with this city." Chicago Horuld. .(-counted For. CoL "Dick" Wintersniith, of Kentucky, is probably tho best story teller in Washington today. ' If ho doesn't always confluo himself strictly to tho tram, nobody will find fault with him, for lie tells his little anecdotes with such a serious mien as to carry conviction to tho minds of thoso of Ins lUtencrs who do not know him to well c.s roaio of his friends do. Ho wns siea dug t lio ot Iter d :y at Chamber liu'sof tho way in which adverso luck will sometimes pursue a mau. ami remarked that he onco played at ti:o WbitoSulphur Springs nnd never held u inun:. Somo one iu tho company sugesu-d tuat that was impossible, because ho must l.avo held ut least oue trump every timo ho dealt tho cards. "But," rephod tho colonel, bringing his flst down ou tho tablo iu front of him, "overy timo I dealt it wuau misdeal." New York Tribune Tlio Sou of III l ather. Here Is a story about tho son of the late bishop of Illinois. Mr. Whitehouse had somo business w tw York with a lurgo luw firm, wherein partner. It was Mr. Choato to whom Whito houso addressed limisolf. "All right, sit down," said too Now York lawyer; "I'll seo you in a moment or two." "Uut," taid tho vuitor, "1 am Mr. White houfco, of Chicago." "All right, all right," said the lawyer; scribbling uway liuu mad; "take a chair; I urn busy Jut uow." "But," ogaiu fcuid Mr. Whitehouse, "I am tho son of Bishop Whitehouse," "Oh! well, tnU two chairs then," said Choato, without looking up, Chicago Herald. UaU to lie a Venui. "You ore looking lovely to-night, m ucar, cam uracio. "I must be," sho replied, "becauso while coming homo iu a car this afternoon a Phila delphia geutlcmau gavo mo his seat." New York Evening Sun. Inducements. Said a persuasive Egyptian guide to a traveler who refused to climb the pyramid; "Carry up one side, down t'otbar, twenty mlnutw, no bone broke, and you very happy, only two 6kliuV, Youth's Companion. n