The Oregon Scout
Jones fit Chancey Publishers.
UNION. OREGON.
r.
ALL HANDS LIE DOWNI
The Fearful Sea Fight lletween tlio Allxv
uiurlo mill tho Siikhdcii.
Now came tlic decisivo moment, for
ly this action, which was in reality n
maneuver of our commander, wo had
acquired n distance from the ram of about
400 yards, and tho latter, to evade tho
Mattabesett, had Hhecrcd off a little and
lay broadside to tv. Tho Union ship
were now on both sides of tho ram, with
engines stopped. Commander Itoo saw
tho opportunity, which an instant's do
lay would forfeit, and boldly met tho
crisis of tho engagement. To tho engi
neer ho cried. "Crowd waste and oil in
-the firca and back slowly I Givo her all
the steam she can carry!" To Acting
3Lister Boutello ho said, "Lay her course
4"or tlio junction of tho casemato and tho
IjuIH" Then came four bells, and, with full
steam and open throttle, tho ship sprang
forward like a living thing. It was a
moment of intense strain and anxiety.
Tho guns ceased firing, tho smoke lifted
from tho ram, and we saw that every
elTiirt was being inado to evado tho
aliock. Straight as an arrow wo shot
forward to tho designated spot. Then
came tho order, "All hands lio down 1'
ind, with a crash that shook tho ship
Jiko an earthquake, wo struck full and
square on tho iron hull.
Our ship quivered for an instant, but
held fast, and tho swift plash of the
paddles showed that tho engines wero
uninjured. My own station was in tho
bow, on tho main deck, on a lino with
tho enemy's guns. Through tho star
'board shutter, which had been partly
jarred off by tho concussion, I saw tho
jwrt of tho ram not ten feet away. It
opened, and liko a flash of lightning I
saw tho grim muzzlo of a cannon, tho
straining gun's crew naked to tho waist
and blackened with powder; then a
blaze, a roar and a rush of tho shell ns it
crashed through, whirling mo round and
Washing mo to tho deck.
Both ships wero under headway, and,
as tho ram advanced, our shattered bows
clinging to tho iron casement wero
twisted round and a solid shot from a
Drooko gun almost touching our sido
crashed through, followed immediately
liy a cloud of steam and boiling water
that filled tho forward decks as our over
charged boilers, pierced by tho shot,
emptied their contents with a shrill
Bcreaiu that drowned for an instant the
roar of tho guns. Tho shouts of com
mand and tho cries of tho scalded,
wounded and blinded men mingled with
the r.ittlo of si'mill arms that told of a
liand to hand conflict above. The ship
urged heavily loort as tho great weight
of water in tho boiler was expended, and
over tho cry, "Tho ship is sinking!" came
tho shout, "All hands rciel boarders on
atarlioard howl"
Tho horrid tumult, always character
istic of battle, was intensified by the
cries of agony from tho scalded and fran
tic men. Wounds may rend, and blood
may How, and grim heroism keep tho
teeth set firm in silence; but to be boiled
alivi. to have tiio flesh drop from tho
face and hands, to ttrip off in sodden
mass from tho tody as tho clothing is
torn away in savago eagerness for relief,
will bring screams from tho stoutest lips.
In tho midst of all this, when every man
had left tho engine, room, our chief en
gineer, Mr. Hobby, although badly
scalded, stood witli heroism at his post:
?nor did ho lcavo it till after tho action,
.when ho was brought up, blinded and
helpless, to tho deck, I had often beforo
Kh'ii in battle; had stepped over the
(decks of a steamer in the Merrimao
ilght when a shell had exploded cover
ing tho deck with fragments of human
'bodies, literally tearing to pieces tho men
on the small vessel as sho lay
alongside tho Minuosota, but never
beforo had I .experienced such n sicken
ing sensation of horror as on this
occasion, when tho bow of tho Sassacus
lay for thirteen minutes on tho roof of
tho Albemarle. An ofilcer of tho Wyn
Jusing Bays that when tho dense smoko
and steam cuvelojHd us thoy thought wo
had sunk, till tho (hush of our guns
burst through tho clouds, followed by
flash after flash In quick succession, as
our men recovered from tho shock of tho
explosion.
In Commander Fobiger's report tho
time of our contact was said to lo "somo
few minutes." To us, at least, there
seemed time enough for tho other ships
to close in on tho ram and sink her or
blnl; bcsldo her, and it was thirteen min
uted as timed by an ofilcer, who told me,
but tho other ships wero silent, and with
slopped engines looked on as the clouds
closed over us in tho grim and final
struggle. 12. Holdcn, M. D., lato U. S.
2i in Tho Century,
How II k HolW Aro Hung.
Tho tu'elvo bolls of St. Paul's cathedral
in London nro Raid to bo tho grandest
ringing ieal In tho world. It is a matter
of prkio with tho Knglisli that thoy id
ways nivlng their bells instead of merely
vwinging tho clapiicra after tho fashion
prevailing in llussia and other parts of
continental Europe. Tho Driton swings
oven his largest boll in tho good, old
fashioned way, and it is quito an under
taking to swing tho sixteen ton "Great
J'aul," which, with its live-ton brother,
supplements tho noble peal on tho grand
est Protestant cathedral in tho world.
On tho day (Jen. Garfield's body was car
ried to tho grave, tho writer stood in tho
uquaro in front of St, Paul's, and heard
theso chimes jeal In honor of tho dead
president. Dcubo crowds filled tho neigh
boring streets, nnd tho adjacent windows
and housetops wero black with humanity.
All London was thero to llaton to tho
mournful requiem of tho bells. It was a
Klemn upectaclo when, as a stranger in
a strango land, one saw thoso tens of
tlkousanda of Englishmen thus doing
honor to tho nohlo tlead. It was an evi
dence of International synqtathy, nfTeo
tlou and brotherhood which one who
saw it can never forget. ltoston Herald.
;:. NiuMHr Ability.
Clthsen (to editor of new paper) In
your partner In tho new venture a good
jM-wur man, Mr. Shear f
Kdltor Out of the Ut I ever met.
lie km IW.QQQ In null. -Tin) Kocli.
LIFE IN YOKOHAMA.
Carious Sight In tlio City Native Char
acter anil CiiRlonin.
In visiting Japan from this country
tho direct course is to cross the continent
to San Francisco, whence n three weeks'
voyage will land tho traveler in the com
mercial capital of Yokohama. "When
Commodore Perry opened this jwrt in
1851 with a fleet of the American navy,
it was scarcely more than a filling vil
lage, but it has now a imputation of
180,000, with well built streets of dwell
ing tiouses, tho thorouchfares broad,
cleanlvnnd all macadamized. The town
(extends along tho level shore, hut is
"backed by a half moon of low, wooded
I hills, known ns tho Blulfs, upon which
aro tho villas of tho foreign residents,
built after tlio Eurojiean nnd American
Btyles. A deep, broad canal surrounds
the city, passing by tho largo warehouso
and connected with tho bay at each end,
I being crossed by several handsome nnd
'substantial bridges. From tho Bluffs
' there is n charming nnd extended view.
' 4i . ..... ......... ,1...
All II1U WCSl, bUVtill. IIIIICO lliu
wtiitc, cloud liko cono of Fujiyama, tho
ono volcanic mountain of Japan, can bo
clearly discerned, whilo all about the
visitor lio tho attractive villas, beautiful
gardens and groves of ornamental trees
belonging to the foreign settlers.
In looking about Yokohama, every
thing strikes us as curious; every now
Bight is a revelation, while in all direc
tions tangible representations of tho
strango pictures wo have seen upon fans,
jBatsuma und lacquered ware aro pre
sented to view. Ono is struck by tho
I partial nudity of men, women nnchil
I dren, tho extremely simple architecture
I of the dwelling houses, tho jeculiar vog-
elation, tho extraordinary salutations bc
i twecn tho common people who meet
each other upon the streets, tho trading
I bazars and tho queer, toyliko articles
I which fill them, children flying kites in
jthoshnpo of hideous yellow monsters
'each subject becomes a fresh study.
Men propelling vehicles, liko horses be
tween tho shafts, and trotting off at a
6ix mile pony gait, is a singular sight to a
gtrangcr. So are tho naked coolies,
working by fours, bearing heavy bales or
hogsheads swung from their bhoulders
upon stout jiolos, while they shout a
measured chant by means .of which to
keep step. No beggars are soon upon
tlio streets. The peoplo aro neat and
cleanly. Tho houses aro special exam
ples of this very small, seldom over
twenty feet square and ono story in
height. All persons, foreigners or natives,
lake oH their shoes before entering upon
the polished floors. Tho conviction
forces itself upon us that such universal
neatness and cVanliness must extend
even to tho moral character of tho peoplo.
A spirit of gentleness, industry and thrift
Is observnblo everywhere, imparting an
Arcadian atmosphere to theso surround
ings. In tlio houses which wo enter thero nro
found neither chairs, tables nor bedsteads;
the ncoulo sit. eat and sleet) imon tho
. . - s
floors, which aro at nil times as clean as a
nowly laid tablo cloth. Hero and thero
I uion tho roadsides moss grown shrines
bearing sacred emblems aro observed, be
foro wjnen women, out rarefy men, nro
seen bending. Tlio principal religions of
Japan nro Shinto and Buddhism, sub
divided into many sects. Tho Shinto is
mainly a form of hero worship, success
ful warriors being canonized as martyrs
nro in tho Komnn Catholic church.
Buddhism is another form of idolatry,
borrowed originally from the Chinese.
As wo travel inland, places aro pointed
out to us where jiopulous cities onco
stood, but where no ruins murk tho spot.
A dead and buried city in Euroo or Asia
leaves rudo but almost indistructible re
mains to mark where great communities
onco built temples and monuments, and
whero thoy lived and thrived, liko those
historic examples of mutability, Memphis,
Pnestum or Delhi, hut it is not so in
Japan. When it Is remembered of what
ephemeral material tho natives build
their dwellings, namely, of light bamboo
frames and paper, their utter disappear
ance ceases to surprise us. It is a curi
ous fact that this peoplo, contemporary
with Greece anil Pome at their zenith,
who have only reared cities of wood nnd
temples of lacquer, have outlived tho
classic nations whose half ruined monu
ments form our choicest models. Tho
Hellenic und Latin races have passed
away, hut Japan still remains, without a
dynastic chango and with an inviolate
country.
In journeying inland, wo nro struck
with many peculiarities showing how en
tirely opposite to our own methods nro
many of theirs. At tho jiost stations tho
horses nro placed in stalls with their
heads to tho pusMigoway, and their tails
show in place of their heads. Instead of
iron shoes, tho Japaneso jwiiy is shod
vlth closely braided rico straw. Carpen
ters draw tho piano toward them, instead
of pushing it from them. It is tho same
in using n saw, tho teeth being set ac
cordingly. Tho tailor sows from him,
not toward his body, and holdshis thread
with his toes. 'Tho women rido astride,
like tho Hawaiian. Manufacturing of
various sorts is carried on to a largo ex
tent. Wo have evidence enough of this
in tho variety and quantity of native
articled which are iuqiortcd thenco into
this country. Yet tho use of mechani
cal contrivances for tho purpose of pro
duction is little known. Hand work is
ticarly tho only process employed. The
mode of husking rico which is common
will illustrate this, being performed as
follows: Tio grain is placed iu a sort of
mortar, into which a pestle falls, it being
attached to a horizontal bar of wood sup
ported in tlio middle bv a fulcrum. On
tho end oppositu to tho jxstlo a man
takes Ids jHWilion, and by stepping on
and off tho end of the bar ho raises and
lets fall tho jiestlo upon tho rico. Ma
chinery is being gradually introduced
from Europe und America, but Is ttill
regarded by tho common peoplo wl'.'i
distrust. M. M, llallou in Boston llcrul J.
Oniutti of tho llrutiu
Tho human brain reaches its greatest
weight between tho ages of 1-1 arid So
In both sexes; after that it grows
continually smaller through life. Whilo
Intelligence is rapidly Increasing from
0 to U0 years of ago, tho brain is dimin
ishing, Tho timo that a man knows
most is from 70 to 60; but (hen his brain
U smaller than when ho was a boy bctwci u
7 and . 11, tho ago when ho thought he
knew tho met. Hull's Journal U
UiMdtU.
THE PILE WORM'S HABITS.
It IteninrknMc Itnvncon In Itlddllng Tim
ber An Importation.
Just at high water mark and extend
ing a foot below it. I saw the stanchest
timbers wasted away until I could havo
spanned their circumference with my
hand. The constant fric tion of the waves
alone could not have dime this. It was
tho work of that dread enemy of wharf
owners nnd ship masters, the teredo na
valis. Now, I could account for tho
sinking in of tho floor of the dock in
many places. The worm would attack u
pile and, with his numberless comrades,
eat and eat away the wood until it was
absolutely honeycombed. Tlio waves
would then complete tho work. Tlio
point of attnek chosen by these bivalvular
pests, in a pile, is from about fifteen
inches below up to high water mark.
This generally breaks tho timber at about
midway between tho wharf and tho sur
faco of tho earth.
Imagine a stout pino trunk, of n diam
eter of a foot and a half, completely
filial with long, tortuous channels vary
ing from one-quarter to three-quarters of
an inch, and running from outer edge to
outer edge. Now, as thin as is this
sheet upon which I write these lines, as
thin as tho transparent division against
which tho golden honey rests in tho
waxen comb, so thin are tho walls be
tween each of the fatal channels which
mark tlio passago and progress of tho
worm through tlio doomed timber. As
singular as it may seem, they never
break through, they never disturb each
other or trespass upon each other's terri
tory. Thero may be a thousand of them
in a single pile, but no instance has yet
been found in which ono of theso as
sageways intersected another or trenched
upon another's right of way. They may
all bo boring at onco some up, souie
down, somo laterally, somo obliquely
and they may raako their division walls
as thin as it pleases them, but thero is
never an infraction of this law, of abso
lute inviolability of each individual's
right of way. It will easily lo appre
hended, therefore, how quickly a timber
thus riddled will bo worn away by tho
constant attrition of the tides, until it
finally breaks, nnd brings with it in its
fall tho beam above, of which it was the
support.
A study of tho history and habits of
this singular worm will ho found neither
uninteresting nor unprofitable. Its hab
itat was originally in tho tropic seas, but
being carried in tho timbers of vessels
into North American nnd European
waters, it lias become tho terror nnd
dread of wharfmen and captains of un
sheathed sailing craft along the Atlantic
and Pacific coasts and in tho harbors of
numbers of Mediterranean cities. Ac
cording to tho classification of Linnreus,
this bivalvo belongs to tho family of pho
ladidoj, and genus teredo, so called from
their habit of destroying ship or other
timber. Tho shell is equal valval, and
in form it i3 short, thick and round nnd
widely open in front and rear. This
shell is situated at tho inner end of a
tulie, somewhat cylindrical in shape, and
either straight or crooked, as tho case
may bo; this tubo being open at each
end in the full grown specimens, and
lined or coated with a white, chalky
paste or substance, which seems to bo its
digestive apparatus.
Tlio weapon of the teredo is not teeth,
ns might bo supposed. This singular
animal has still another peculiarity, de
pendent, however, upon tho ono last men
tioned, for binco it3 instrument is its foot,
so it feeds itself not from tho mouth, but
from tho foot itself. The valves above
noted aro simply appendages of tho foot.
In fact, if a teredo should have his foot
amputated he would in a most vital sense
"loso his grip." In tho center of the
circular opening of tho vnlves tho foot is
protruded, liko tho blade concealed in a
spring cane, and tho entire arrangement
constitutes a boring machine of power
inconceivable in sobmall nn object. But
tho strength of this inacliino becomes ap
parent when upon a closer examination
ono notes tho strong rubber liko ridges of
tho valves, which can contract with great
force, and tlio comparatively immense
sizo of tho great abductor musclo which
enables tho teredo to uso its sharp foot
with tho ease of an auger passing through
tho softest pine.
This worm attains often n great length,
but it is usually from one foot to a yard
long, its sizo depending tin tho length of
timo it has been in tlio wood and fre
quently on tho tizo of the wood itself. It
is provided with two respiratory tubes,
each of which has n siphon attached to
a calcareous, flattened, triangular plato
on tho outside of tho body. It lias two
heads if such the,- can tw called each
attached to the exuvmity of a tubo much
smaller than tho niidii trunk, and which
nro each (the small tubes) about six
inches long; or, in other words, the main
body splits into two small tulies at about
n foot or six inches from whero tho head
is in n teredo, and where tho tail would
bo in a snake. This worm is ovi
parious, and when the young nro
born (with a smooth shell) they
swim around by means of a vibra
tilo cilia; sometimes creeping with tho
foot until old enough to liegin work on a
pioco of wood. A good, nice, now pile
having been selected, they fasten them
selves to tho wood by means of tho
suction apparatus in their heads, striko
in with their foot and boro inwardly un
til ouly tho head remains outsido. Then
thoy fasten themselves to tho opening,
llush with Its very edge, just na a clerk
will fasten sheets of paper together by
turning over tho sides of a brass clamp,
and henceforward their solo aim, object
and ambition in life is to grow, bora und
make sawdust. Small when they enter,
they could no more creep backward out
of their original hole after feasting a
month or two on a rich plno log than a
camel could go through tho eyo of a
needle. St. Louis Globo-Democrat.
AitcroliU u ComcU.
Professor Daniel Kirkwood points out
ttiat soven of tho twenty known comets
of short period havo disappeared, either
by breaking into fragments, liko Dilla'a
comet, or by tho transformation of tho
orbit by tho iullueuco of Jupiter, us in
tho case of LcxcU's comet, no had
already given reasons for thinking that
two of tho short period comets wero
asteroids drawn from their orbits by
Jupiter's attraction, and ho now ad
vances evidence tending to show tliat
the entire twenty wero orlgiually small
ruaneU. Arkaasaw Traveler.
Tno Native Army of India.
Tho imperial service I use tho expres
sion recommended by the civil service
commissioners because it covers both tho
civilians and the administering soldiers
havo displayed for a century a rigid re
spect for promises and perfect pecuniary
honor. Consequently, aided by tbo
rooted Indian idea, that, jower being of
God, any one. however hostile, may hon
orably 6ervo a do facto ruler, they havo
always been able to hiro Indian agents of
all kinds soldiers, policemen and minor
officials in any number required. That
power, however, gives them no foot
hold. As 1857 showed, they have not
secured even the loyalty of the In
dian soldiers bound to them by
oath, and while actually m tho
service, and outsido tho ranks of their
paid servants, they havo nothing to de
pend on. Thero is no nation or tribo or
casto in India which is certain in tho
hour of trial to stand by tho white man's
side; which has. so to speak, elected him
as ruler; which, were the garrison de
feated or withdrawn, could lo trusted to
die rather than the empiro should fall.
Thero is no nntivo army that tho im
perial service which is, I repeat, tho
empire could summon with confidence;
no tribo whom they could arm en masso;
no Mtivo city whose inhabitants would
risk a storm to protect them from being
slain. Meralith Townsond in Fort
nightly Review.
Naked In 08 Degree llelow Zero.
"Tho coldest sjwt is probably around
tlio magnetic jwle. I myself found 71
degs. below and moved camp twclvo
miles that da y. Therefore it is quito pos
sible that at the pole itself thero is open
water."
"How cold is such a temperaturo as
judged by results?"
"It is pretty cold, but one gets used to
ii Thero is a peculiar misunderstand
ing about such a low temperature in tho
scientific world. I remember reading" in
Tlio Popular Science Monthly, which is
supposed to be accurate, a statement to
tho effect that in such cold meat taken
from a tailing pot will freeze solid lw
foro it can bo put into the mouth. That
is nonsense. Why, I havo been naked
in a temperature of 08 degs. below. It
was inside a snow hut as 1 took off my
clothes and got into a sleeping bag. It
is the wind that plays the mischief witli
everybody; but. fortunately, tho colder
it gets the stiller it gets, and when it gets
way down it's pretty quiet, I can tell
you. But when you get back to tho or
dinary temperature, then comes the
torture. When I got on the whaler and
began to get south I suffered excruciat
ingly, und thought I should suffocate; a
flsli out of water was nothing to it."
Interview with Lieut. Schwutka.
Murrlns- Amone Di-uf Mutt's.
The education of deaf mutes, nnd the
teaching them trades, so that they be
come intelligent and productive members
of society, of course induce marriages
among them. Is not this calculated to
increaso tho uumlier of deaf mutes? Dr.
Gillette thinks not. The vital statistics
show that consanguineous marriages art)
n largo factor in deaf muteism; about 10
per cent., it is estimated, of the deaf
mutes are tho offspring of parents re
lated by blood. Ancestral defects are
not always perpetuated in kind; they
may defend in physical deformity, in
deafness, in imlecility. Deafness is
more apt to descend in collateral branches
than in a straight line. It is a striking
fact in a tablo of relationships prepared
by Dr. Gillette, that whilo tlio 450 deaf
mutes enumerated had 770 relationship
to other deaf mutes, making a total of
of 1,220, only twelve of them had deaf
mute parents, and only two of them ono
deaf rauto parent, tho mother of these
having been able to hear, and that in no
caso was the mother alono a deaf mute.
Charles Dudley Warner in Harper's
Magazine.
Disposal of Old WoonVn Wshl'Ih.
Somo Norwegian shipowners havo hit
upon a novel method of disposing of old
wooden vessels with some profit. Tlio
work of breaking up such vessels being
not only costly, but very laborious, ves
sels unfit for further service aro towed
across to tho coast of Jutland, where
thero is great scarcity of firewood and
tinilier. They are thero loosely anchored
somo distance from tlio shore, which is
hero sand, and during tlio first gale the
sea will perform the operation of break
ing up and carrying tho timber ashore.
This is then collected and sold at very
good prices. Of lato scores of useless
hulks havo been disosed of in this man
ner. Ircn.
A SHIItiiry MU-roi1iono.
It is rejiorted that a young infantry
officer of tho French army has invented a
I kind of military microphone by means
of which tho approach or tho movements
of troops, as well as their probable iiuiii-
1 bers, may lw gauged. Iho apparatus
j is described ns being ns simple
as it is ingenious, and consists
of a transmitting and a re
ceiving machine, which aro connected
j together by a metallic wire. Thouxpcri
: incuts made with the instrument during
tho recent maneuvers nt Montauban be
j foro Gen. Vincendon and his staff wero
I very satisfactory. Paris Cor. London
1 olograph.
'Wound of Hid Abdomen.
Modem surgery, aided by antiseptics,
has ennblal surgeons to accomplish rc-
( suits which, twenty-fivoyonrsogo, would
no department mure marked than in the
abdominal surgery. Whilo formerly a
wound of tho abdomen, either from a
gunshot or n stab, was considered almost
necessarily fatal, at tho present day many
lives nro saved by an operation, which
consists in opening tho abdomen, tying
every Wood vessel that may havo been
lacerated, nnd sewing up any wound
which may have been mado in tho hi
tcatines. Sclenct'.
Sunflower Vomit Mulurla.
It is stated that since tho sunflower has
been cultivated on certain swamps of tho
, Potomao malarial fever has decreased.
I At tlio mouth of tho Scheldt in Holland
I it la stated that similar results havo been
I obtniual. Tho sunflower emits largu
i volumes of water In tho form of vajwr;
I and its aromatic odor, as well aa tho
' oxygen It exhales, may havo to do with
tho sanitary influence in question. Bos
ton Budget.
Ono Clinrncter 8nved.
Lawyer I wouldn't :ellcve Blinks under
oath. lu the witness box tho other day hfl
admitted that ho rode in tho street cars ut
tho most crowded hoars, gencrallj had to
stand up, nnd got his ears, toes nnd fingers
frozen in tlieni every winter, nnd yet lie
sworo that ho had no prejudice against tho
street car conipanv.
Well Posted Citizen Oil, that's nil right
Blinks is ono of iho stockholders. Omahu
World.
A Goc.il r.itlint.
"How do you feel this morning, grund
lainmar' "I don't know, child. The doctor has not
como yet." Life.
Knocked Out.
Col. Tragedy Wnlker moved to take from
tho tablo the following resolution:
"Resolved, Dot do washiu' niachino is a
' greater public benefactor dnn de railroad."
Samuel Sum supported tlio motion, out
Brother Gardner passed it by and asked:
"Brudder Wnlker, didn't you start fur To
ledo a few days ago!"
"Yes, sah."
"Stnrunl to go on do railroad kyarsi"
"Yes, will."
"You was put off lekase you couldn't pay
ycr farer
i "I was put off boknse I'd forgot my money,
sah."
! "Exactly; an' dis resolushun is in de way
of revenge i"
"Y-yes, san."
"Do objict ar' to weaken confldenco in
railroads?"
"Y-yes, sah."
. "An' build up a feeling of security in do
washin' machine, which nebber jumps do
track or goes f row a bridgor'
"Dat's it, sab."
"Well, do resolushun will bo tooken from
do tablo an1 placed in do stu ro. If you want
to bo revenged on do railroads you mus' lio
in nmbuh an' lick a conductor. No man kin
uso dis club to grind his private axes." Limo
Kiln Club in Detroit Frco Press.
No Chuneo with the Small Roy.
Ono way to worship. Buddha in tho teraplo
of Kiota, Japau, is to chow "prayer paper,"
nnd when soft throw it in tho form of a pel
let nt tho god through a wiro screen. If it
goes through and sticks on the god tho prayer
will bo answered; if it hits on tho screen it is
no good. Tho American school boy, who can
hit a mark on tlio ceiling overy timo with a
paper ball would never miss having his
prayer nuswered in tho tcmplo nt Kiota; nor
would it bo so diflicult to jwrsuado him to
"engngo in prayer" in that country. Tho
god would havo to hump himself to answer
all tho prayers. Norristown Herald.
Too 3Iucli to Stand.
American tin Canada) As I was coming
along thtf street I saw Mr. Do Thief, tho great
American embezzler, being taken to the
polico station.
I Canadian Yc, Mr. Do Thief is a very
vnluablo addition to our society ns ho spends
his money freely, but ho mu.st learn to obey
our laws oven if ho is rich nnd generous.
"Eh? What has ho been doiugr
"Driving faster than a walk ou Sunday."
Omaha World.
Ile.-il i:tuto Deal.
Dairyman Got nny dairy farms for rent?
Agent No, but I havo a fow acres which
might do for o.
"GraiS on it.'"
"No, nothing hut clay."
"Humph! Hasn't it over boon cultivated?"
"No; it used to bo a brickyard."
"What is thero on it, anything at nil?"
"It has a never failing spring."
"I'll take it." Omaha World.
Tlio Prodlpil t'ntlior.
"Havo you strawlwrries?" ho asked.
"Yes," said tho dealer, with a shudder, no
had invested his nil in tho mad speculation
and two pint nnd two half piut baskets,
j "Go mo one, pieaso; that red berry on top,
I if you will. It's my littlo girl's birthday,
' and I promised her something choice." And
York Sun.
Liberal.
"What do you want?" ho inquired of the
man who held tho subscription book.
"Ono dollar."
"And what fori"
"To bury a policeman."
Tlio sport ilalied out a f5 bill nnd handed it
to tho man.
"Bury five," ho said. Chicago News.
Hardly a Decent lturlal.
Jones Look at Brown over thero in tho
corner.
Smith Yes; buried in thought.
Jones Mighty shallow grave, ain't it?
Washington Critic.
A.Detlcato Coiuidlnmiit.
Miss Clara Young Mr. Sampson paid mo
such a pleasant compUmeut last evening,
EthcL
Miss Etbel-Oh, did ho?
Miss Clara Yes; I was complaining about
being compelled to do somo shopping in that
dreadful rain storm yesterday. Ho thought
I must havo found it delightful been uso it
was such flno weather for ducks. He lias
tuch a dedicate way of putting things. Tho
Epoch,
' IP"" f
STORIES ABOUT MEN.
Something o, l.lnr. but Not for Tortj
Ccntf.
A number of members from the houso of
represent iti ves havo stolen awny nt various
times and for short periods from their con
gressional duties. Most of them havo en
Joyed themselves, but nono to a greater ex
tent than did Wnde, of M.ssouri; Liud, of
Miunesottn, and Sawyer, of Now York. They
invaded the state of Maryland and studied
tho unsophisticated natives until they got
tired. Tho last placo at which they made
nny stay was Leonardtowu. From thero
thoy intended coming to tho capital by boat,
but that semi-occasional craft having do
parted, they wero compelled to travel by raiL
Tlio train was started with a pinchbnr and
proceeded nt a very deliberate gait. Occa
sionally tho conductor would get off and
gather a few peaches, with which he would
treat tho passengers. After tho train had
been crawling along for nn hour and had
covered nt least six miles, tho conductor col
lected tho fares, which, for tho congressional
cro-i d, nniounted to 8U cents each. When be
reached Col. Wade, that genial "bald knob
ber" remarked, in his innocent way:
"Do you charge preachers full fare on thU
road!"
"No, sir," was tho conductor's reply. "We
only charge them half rates. Are you a
preacher J" ho added, looking squarely at the
colonel's Methodist countenance.
"No, I am not," said tho Missourlan, "but
that gentleman is," pointing to Judgo Saw
yer, who sat a couplo of seats in front of him.
Tho conductor nt onco returned to the
judge, and nfter a searching glanco at the
tun kissed countcnaiico of tho New York
statesmen, proffered him 40 cents, with the
remark: "Wo only collect half rates from
preachers."
"Who in blank said 1 was a preacher?"
asked tho judge, with considerable 6how of
anger.
Tho conductor throw his thumb back over
his shoulder in tho direction of Col. Wndo,
nnd looked as though ho thought nil the timo
that tho colonel was garbling tlio facts iu tho
caso.
In the meantime the threo dimes, tho nickel
nnd five pennies reposed calmly in tho judge's
fat palm. He regarded them in sileneo for a
moment, and then Imuded them back to tho
oillcial, saying: "I am a good deal of a liar,
but I will not lio for 40 cents."
Then ho relapsed into absolute sileneo nnd
would not look ut Col. Wado until Washing
ton was reached. Washington Post.
I
l
Tlio Illll Was Passed.
An ex-member of tho Virginia state senate
told mo tho ot.ier duy of an incident in his
legislative career which I do not remember
ever having seen in print beforo. A. L. Pride
more, not many y(enrs ago a member of the
houso of representatives from tho Ninth Vir
ginia district, was before lio came to Wash
ington a member of tlio Virginia senate. One
day he introduced a bill for tho relief of the
sureties of II. G. Wax, who was a collector
of taxes in Scott county. Ho made a brief
explanation of tho bill, nnd when he sat
down Edgar Allen, familiarly known us
"Yankee Allen," who represented tho Farm
villo district, roso and said:
"I wish to ax
If Mr. Wax
Hns been too lax
Iu collecting tlio taxi
If such aro tho facts
I am willing to relax
And remit the tax
Which tho law enacts
Wo should exact
Of his sureties."
It is needie&s to add, my informant say,
that tho bill passed by u unanimous vote.
New York Tribune.
Goodwin Hud tho llcst of It.
Nat Goodwin is pretty bile!: and can get
out of a scrape us clean ns any man living.
A gentlemau iu New York, writing to a
friend hero, mado somo comparative allusion
to Chicago and the eastern metropolis. In
concluding ho wrote: "But I know your
feeling toward Gotham," and then added:
"Hero is u littlo story on Nat Goodwin that
is not malapropos: Ono day Nat Goodwiu
met young Mr. Ilendorson, a friend of tuiue.
'Hello, Nat,' called out Henderson; 'where
havo you been so longf 'Oh, up in Boston,
Montreal and Philadelphia,' returned Good
win; 'and, Billy,' ho continued, 'I am glad to
get back to Now York. All othar pluces in
tho country aro just camping out oiie3.'"
Goodwill has been playing here, nud tho Chi
cago man, meeting linn oi:o day last week,
showed him the letter and asked him if ha
thought it was kind to sjieak that way after
all tho grand receptions ho had had hero.
Nat looked at tho letter, smiled, und said
without hesitation: "Why, my dear fellow,
you don't think I would bo guilty of men
tioning Chicago iu connection with thoso
places, do you? Pshaw! They can't trot in
tho samo class with this city." Chicago
Horuld.
.(-counted For.
CoL "Dick" Wintersniith, of Kentucky, is
probably tho best story teller in Washington
today. ' If ho doesn't always confluo himself
strictly to tho tram, nobody will find fault
with him, for lie tells his little anecdotes with
such a serious mien as to carry conviction to
tho minds of thoso of Ins lUtencrs who do not
know him to well c.s roaio of his friends do.
Ho wns siea dug t lio ot Iter d :y at Chamber
liu'sof tho way in which adverso luck will
sometimes pursue a mau. ami remarked that
he onco played at ti:o WbitoSulphur Springs
nnd never held u inun:. Somo one iu tho
company sugesu-d tuat that was impossible,
because ho must l.avo held ut least oue trump
every timo ho dealt tho cards.
"But," rephod tho colonel, bringing his
flst down ou tho tablo iu front of him, "overy
timo I dealt it wuau misdeal." New York
Tribune
Tlio Sou of III l ather.
Here Is a story about tho son of the late
bishop of Illinois. Mr. Whitehouse had
somo business w tw York with a lurgo luw
firm, wherein
partner. It was Mr. Choato to whom Whito
houso addressed limisolf. "All right, sit
down," said too Now York lawyer; "I'll seo
you in a moment or two."
"Uut," taid tho vuitor, "1 am Mr. White
houfco, of Chicago."
"All right, all right," said the lawyer;
scribbling uway liuu mad; "take a chair; I
urn busy Jut uow."
"But," ogaiu fcuid Mr. Whitehouse, "I am
tho son of Bishop Whitehouse,"
"Oh! well, tnU two chairs then," said
Choato, without looking up, Chicago
Herald.
UaU to lie a Venui.
"You ore looking lovely to-night, m
ucar, cam uracio.
"I must be," sho replied, "becauso while
coming homo iu a car this afternoon a Phila
delphia geutlcmau gavo mo his seat." New
York Evening Sun.
Inducements.
Said a persuasive Egyptian guide to a
traveler who refused to climb the pyramid;
"Carry up one side, down t'otbar, twenty
mlnutw, no bone broke, and you very happy,
only two 6kliuV, Youth's Companion.
n