A WESTERN METHOD.
Ia Western skies, o'er prairies broad.
The crimson hues are blending,
While eastward, o'er the misty woods,
Nlftht shades are soft descending.
The summer day, so calm, so sweet.
In peace serene Is dying,
And o'er the liarrest-laden fields
The vesper breeze Is sighing.
While lingering on the vine-clad porch,
Our hearts with joy o'erflowing,
We gaze on fields, and woods, and sky
In somber beauty glowing.
You say': "If Time, In his wild flight,
Would list to human reason.
And glvo us but four extra weeks
In this swec t summer season,
'"Twouid be. Indeed, a precious gift
To claim our heart's devotion
Another Isle of fragrant flowers
Upon life's varied ocean."
He Vnoweth best who loveth best:
Kach season sent by Hcuven,
Though summer's sun or winter's storm,
For human good Is given.
Hut if our future paths of life
Were both cpnvorgcd together.
To me, though storms and tempests roar,
'Twouid all be summer weather.
Soy. would thy life us h'ippy be,
With love llio hours beguiling,
Would every souion bo to thee
A vernal summer smiling?
Ah, so! Well, let us then procecA
To regulate the weather.
And hand In hand we giiyly walk
Adown the slope together.
Chaiiuroy A. LqwJs, In America.
CAUSED BY A CAMERA.
Tho Woos of an Amatour In Soaroh
of tho Picturoaquo.
There is nothing criminal about be
ing tin amatour photographer. No
civilized country has a law against
amateur photography, although In
France and Germany and other semi1
barbarous countries thoy arrest a man
If ho photographs too near to their
fortifications. Still tho general ten-
'doncy of modern cameras Is toward
eonc&almcnt. Thoro Is aeimioramndo
which a person can put under his vest
and tho Ions talco tho pluco of a vest-
button. Other cameras are done up
llko parcels, or tako tho form of
Bachol, or somo other unobtrusive
shape, so that tho general passer-by
may not know that the man he meets
is an amateur photographer. Tho
trouble with tho cameras that I have
named is that they aro generally too
small to tako a picture that is at all sat
isfaotory. Some of them have no focus
ing-glass and no arrangement for let
ting a person know what sort of a pict
ure ho Is talcing. Now I use a camera
that takes a picture four by live
Inches, which I think Is tho smallest
size that Is of any sorvice to a man, at
though somo got along with what Is
known as tho lantern size, a size of
plato that is largo enough to tako a
picture that will go into a stereoptl
con.
Tho othor day I bought a brand now
valise In which to conceal my pho
tographing apparatus, and Instead of
tho long alpenstock tripod which I
have carried heretofore. I bought
wiint is known as "tho daisy tripod,"
which folds up into a very small com
pass and can be packed away In a
valise that 1a about eighteen inches
long.
Tho whole outfit goes into a very or-
ulnnry sized valise and a person
moves through the world llko an ordi
nary traveler who has a few boiled
shirts and clean collars and cuffs wtth
him.
One very hot day 1 found myself In
Cincinnati with the forenoon to sparo.
1 had seen Cincinnati often enough but
had novor had a view of tho suburbs.
Cincinnati, as every body knows, Is
down in a hole and Is surrounded by
hills. If you speak to a Clueluuatlau
reproachfully about tho humiliating
position his city occupies, ho will an
swer: "Oh, yes, but you ought to see tho
suburbs; the suburbs In Cincinnati aro
tho grandest in the world."
Cincinnati suburbs aro on the hill
tops, as thoy are called, and extend
for miles around tho city. Thoro aro
ways of getting up on tho hill-tops:
One is an ordinary Incline railway,
tiie platforms of some of which aro so
large that a street car and n couple
of horses drive right on It and is waft
ed to tho skies, and when tho ear gets
up thoro It goes along for eight or ten
miles out In tho country. Another
way of reaching tho suburbs is by tho
ordinary cable car! which winds up
to the hill-tops by following streets
that zig-zag their way up tho eleva
tion. asked a number of Cincinnati men
which tho principal suburb was, and
it scorned to bo generally agreed that
Clifton was tho best for a stningor to
seen. The particular cable line I pat
ronized took mo across Clifton avo
ii no, and there I got otT.
Clifton is an aristocratic suburb that
is conducted as u sort of suburban
club. No person Is allowed to got ti
lot there u ho Is not acceptable as a
neighbor to tho rest of the residents,
and when he does get a lot ho must
build a house that will cost over a cer
tain amount and comply with a lot of
rulos and regulations all tending to
make the place very oxchulvo, and
ull that-
Clifton avenue Is a wide street, kept
in perfect coudlton, und Is bordered on
each side by fine trees. It runs straight
along for a bit, then drops down into
n valley, rises on the other side unim
paired, winds along for a long distance
and then seems to come to an abrupt
conclusion at a line house that bars the
way.
On ouch side ore great park-like
lawns witli hero ami there a palace
nvned by some aristocratic citizen who
has made his inouoy on hogs or beer.
So Ungrateful are tlnwe aristocrat that
now no beer wagon 1b allowed alonff
Clifton avenue and no hog that is, no
four-legged one Ls permitted to walk
on that street.
I opened tho valiso at one point
where thcro waa a flno vlow of a grand
mansion away back among noble trees,
and as I set my camera there came
from a palace nearer the road a troup
of merry, well-dressed children who
raced down tho lawn and cried:
"Please, mister, won't you photo
graph us?"
"Yes."
"Aro you going to tako Mr. llhink's
house?"
"Yes."
"And may wc 6tand hero and be in
the picture?"
"Yes."
Oh, thank you. "
At this moment the voice of proprie
ty and aristocracy camo from out of
tho vine-shaded veranda from somo
unseen guardians, and in a tone of ro
prouch was uttered tho one word
"Children.'"
Tho unfortunate Uttlo girls had for
gotten for tho moment that they were
rich1, and they had rashly taken up
with a wandering photographer. Here
was a chance for great fun, but It was
dented them. Thoy had to sacrifice
fun-to tho, proprieties, and with long
ing, lingering and regretful glance at
tho camera, they slowly departed up
to the mansion, and from the shaded
porch took furtive glances at tho for
bidden photographer.
It Is better to bo born lucky than
rich, especially when u person Is young.
Now. tho tiling that got mo into
trouble at Clifton was tho distaste I
have for twieo going over tho same
road. I did not want to go back to
Cincinnati over tho cablo lino that I
had come out on. I thought I would
walk through the pluco and that I
would come to somo other lino and go
In that way and thus see more of llio
surrounding country.
i'ho day became hotter and hotter
1'tio valiso became heavier and heavier.
I passed an academy. Public .school
would bo too plohci'A'j a name f(.v an
institution that was to tench the chil
dren of such wealthy people us live In
Clifton, so they call tho plnco an acad
emy. Then there was an aristocratic
church. Finally I met some ono and
said to him:
"flmi' fill- lu It In n uh-nnl.i-m- IlimO"
"Oh, you're going tho wrong way
llio cable-cars aro a few miles in the
other direction."
"Yes, I know. I camo that way and
want to go back another."
"That's your best way back to town.
I don't know how far it Is to another
lino this way. Fivo miles, l guess."
I thought I was good for live miles,
30 I tramped along. The next person
I accosted made it four miles and a
half, and the next four miles. I was
polishing off tho distance In good
shape and so was satisfied. Finally
Clifton avenue came to an abrupt
and untimely end, and the
street that branched off wim
called Lafayette avenue, I think. It
went at right angles to Clifton and was
equally beautiful. After a tiresome
trudge, I came to a gang of men fixing
tho road. Among them was a civil
cnglneor taking a sight through his
toloscope, which stood on tho usual
tripod.
"How far Is It to u street ear Hue?"
I asked.
"The nearest street car lino is at
Cuiuiningsville. You had bettor go
back and tako tho cablo road."
"Good heavens! Don't say that. It
must be twenty miles to tho cablo
road."
"Not quite so far. Hut it's live
miles and a half to CummiugsvUlu."
Oh see hero," l said, "you've got
to do better than that. A man miles
back told mo It was only five miles
then and I have been offered Cum-
mlugsville at four and a half and four
miles sluco that lime. Make It three
and a half, like a good fellow."
'Can't do It. my boy. You see, I've
measured every Inch of tho way. They
couldn't deliver C'uininlngsvllle at that
ate. I'll toll you tljo vory best I can
do. I will tako twenty rods from the
five and a half. I'll let you have tho
cablo cars at. live and a quarter, and
not so much uphill work at that,"
I wouldn't have tho cable cars at
any figure. It's Cuiiimtugsville or bust
with mo."
"You will find the vllle a long time
euinming," said tho surveyor, and after
he said that I left.
From that time forth the viiIIm
weighed a ton. 1 tut I soon came on n
view that was worth all the toll. 'I hero
was a troluondous ravine and a small
lake at the bottohi. On tho other bank
was a private residence, that looked
like a castle on the Hhliie. Further
on, the vlow became oven more ex
tended. The road was now at tho
top of a steep Mil. At tho bottom
ran a canal, and beyond that was
a town. Away In tho bluo distance
stretched a long valley, and tho out
look reminded mo of some of the minor
ravines of Switzerland. I was wishing
tho town at my feet was Cuinmtnirs-
vllle, when I came on stone nioro road
makers. 'What town Is that below there?" 1
asked,
"Cummlngsvllie," was tho reply.
"Thunder! It can't be vory fur
there."
"About live mile by the road.
About a quarter of a inllo down tho
hill."
"Then I'm going down, the hill."
"Thoy won't let you. It'll bo troj-
passing."
"J'respasilug bo hanged- I'm not
going to walk live miles to a plaoo j
whoa I can got thoro In a quarter of a
mile. Here l'Ooj for Gummlugbvtllo.' 1
With that I swung my ton and a ha!f
valUo ovor the garden wall and start
ed down the stoop hill. As I ncared
tho bottom I noticed a man coming to
head mo off. As ho camo within hear
ing distance I said:
"Oh, I know nil about it. I'm tres
passing and doing it deliberately.
You can arrest mo if you want to. I
don't object. In fact I would rather
llko it, for I'm dead tired out and
you'll have to take mo to town in tho
patrol wagon."
"I don't object to your tres
passing." he said, calmly. "I merely
wanted to know if you knew whero
you were going?"
"I'm going to Cumraingsvillo."
"Really? Then may I ask can you
twim?"
"Certainly. Why?"
"Well, you'll have to. Thcro is no
bridge within fivo or six miles, and
fou'li havo to get across tho canal be
fore you get to Cummlngsvillc."
"What's tho matter with my going
along the bank of tho canal till I como
to a bridge?"
"Nothing, except that tho tow path
Is on tho other side, and to go along
tho canal you will havo to climb about
a score of fences, some of which aro
mado to prevent pcoplo from doing
just what you propose. Then thcro
arc a dozen hedges, which. you can't
possibly get ovor and which would
tear tho clothes from your back if you
tried to go through. Ihat's all."
I sat down on the green sward and
groaned.
"Take my advice and climb tho hill
again. It's your only chance."
"You don't want a hired man, do
you? I'd rather stay horo the rest of
my natural life than try to climb that
hill. Tho oiily consolation I would
have would be that when I got up
thoro I might massacre somo of those
road-makers who induced mo to como
down."
Tho darkest time is before the dawn.
Just at this moment a canal boat camo
along. I shouted to the mnn at the
wheel In spite of tho restriction there
Is generally In voguo about speaking
to that individual, and asked him if ho
could slew his craft noar enough the
shore for mo to got on board. He Old
so and I swung on my two-ton valise
und got on after.
"See here," I said, "what will you
charge to take mo to Cincinnati?"
"Twenty-live cents." was the reply
"All right," I agree. "I'll make my-
ar1 f ivimfni'tnliln fri I'm rrtvt tfinj1 "
"Do." said tho man.
After wo had gone about a mile ho
said:
"J Hat dont include board, you
know."
I was nearly asleep, and started up,
"What don't?"
"The twenty-fivo cents."
"Oh, all right."
"I think it's a mighty cheap ride as
It Is."
"It's only fivo cents on tho street
car."
"Yes, but you seo wo go to Toledo
first. We won't get to Cincinnati for
throe weeks."
"What!!!"
Ho was kind onough to swing his
boat to the shoro and lot me get off.
I'ho photographic valise weighed threo
tons during tho dreary tramp along tho
tow-path to Cummlngsvllie. Luko
Sharp, In Detroit Free Press.
ONE CENTURY AGO.
When I '11 r inert Hull to Do Without Mow.
nr, Hamper anil l,omler.
Tho farmer did not have a mower
and reaper thou. Although Pliny the
Bldor.who was born A. I). 23, describes
a inaciuno to reap grain which wns
used in (Jaul, It was not until tho pres
ent century that those machines camo
into use. Pliny says of tho Gaulle
reaper: "In tho extensive fields in tho
lowlands of Gaul vans carts of largo
slzo, with projecting teeth on tho edge,
are driven on two wheels through tho
standing grain by an ox yoked in a
reverse position. In this manner tho
oars aro taken off and fall into tho
van." Tho first patent for a reaping
machine in England was taken out in
1799. It was not until 1822 that a
machine was mado by a school-master
named Henry Ogle, which may havo
become the model of all suhsequout
reapers. Ills contrivance was vory
simple, and upon trial cut fourteen
acres of grain a day. lint this ma
chine met an untimely end. Mr. Oglo
writes of It that "some working pooplo
threatened to kill Mr. Hrowu, tho man
who mado it, if he porsovorod any fur
ther in it, and it hasuever been more
tried." Tho oldest known maebino
Btlll in use was Invented In 182(5 by Mr.
Hell, a Scotch nilnlstor. This reaper
Was Improved lu 1831. Whether Amer
ican inventors obtained their ideas
Jrom these foreign mnohlnos is a mat
ter of dispute. Hut tho roaper has
takon the romance out of tho haying
fleld. llaylug-tlmo used to bo tho
plonsaiitcot on the farm, and no sight
was more Deautiiul than a lino of
turdy men graeofully swinging tho
cytho in tho tall grass. The mower,
tho tedder, tho horso-rako and loader
havo mndu tho haying season as prosy
is hoeing potatoes. Chicago News.
A vvotunu In Now York has in-
rented an Ingenious and unique bath
for Infants. It is mado of pure rubber
on strong cloth, and as folded ovor a
irolty frame of bamboo, which can ho
enlarged as tho child grows older. At
tho bottom Is u hard rubber faucet for
the water outlet. One end Is furnished
with convenient pockets for toilet
urtloloi, and the other end with a
clothes and towel bracket. It is raised
euflleictitly from tho tloor to mal'o it
convenient for the mother to sit in her
chair while bathing tho baby.
A QUEER NEWSPAPER.
Tt Ifns tlie Utentent Kartlilr Dignity and
Circulation of Three.
Instead of "the largest circulation"
the nowspapcr of tho greatest dignity
has "the smallest circulation in tho
world." It is tho Austrian Kaiser's
Chronicle, tho most curious publica
tion in Europe. Its proprietor is Em
peror Francis Joseph, of Austria, who
publishes it for his solo benefit, and
not for that of the public. State
duties occupy most of his time, und he
nas nine leisure to read tho Vienna
dailies. Ilc wnnts to know not
what goes on every day in tho civilized
world, but also what is said in Europe
and America about tho Austrian Gov
ernment.
To satisfy this desire it would bo
necessary for him to skim through
hundreds of papers dally, but oven
then many a pungont notice of him
self or his Government would certain
ly escape him. And even if he were
to employ a staff of clerks to examine
tho papers, and clip out tho proper
articles, he would be little better off,
for lie .would have no tlmo to read tho
mass of material which they would
hand to him every morning. News,
however, the Kaiser must have, and
through this paper, the Imperial He-
view, ho gets it in richer and fuller
measure than any other man in the
world. The construction of the paper
is as uniqud us Its object. The im
perial news bureau, which is almost a
department of state, publishes it at a
cost of 200,000 guidon yearly. The
chief of the bureau, who is a high
Government official, is assisted by sev
eral sub-editors, each of whom is in
turn assisted by a corps of trained
clerks. Tho work begins before dawn,
when tho chief's mail wagon proceeds
to the depot for the foreign papers.
Once In tho bureau they are sorted to
tho different countries or states, and
taken to the various sub-editors.
Thcro is a copy of every leading paper
in Europe, no matter in what lan
guage it may be printed, and there
aro also copies of several minor Aus
trian papers in the different dialects
of the empire. The huge pile of pa
pers being arranged, the clerks go to
work. On any reference to the Aus
trian Government or the imperial fam
ily being found a bluo poncil is drawn
through tho article. In this manner
tho readers get through their work,
after which the marked papers are
sent to tho sub-editors, who rend tho
articles carefully and condense them.
A lengthy criticism may thus be re
duced to a few lines, though if vory
important little pruning may take
place. In all casos tho original lan
guage and stylo are closely preserved.
It is, of course, necessary to translate
nil foreign nrticlos into Gorman, as
the Review is in that language. This
work of translation takos a long time,
but can not be shirked, as the foreign
criticisms form an essential part of
the Hoviow. In due time, however,
overy paper has been rend and every
article condonsed, and now comes the
last process in tho construction of this
strange paper. Itlslatoatnight, for the
work is very heavy and the paper must
bo ready for the Emporor in tho morn
ing. Men famous for thoir penman
ship do tho finishing work. Tho se
lected articles are given to them and
thoy make threo copies one for the
Emperor, ono for tho Foreign Minister,
and one for tho Secretary of State. A
fourth copy Is never made, and a
gllmpso at ono of the three is never
vouchsafed to any ono unconnected
with tho bureau. Tho copy for tho Em
peror is written on beautiful linen
paper, and at tho head of tho first
page stands tho finely decorated titlo,
Journal-Revue for Sie Majostat den
Kaiser. The copies of the minister
and secretary aro also written on ex
ceptionally handsoino paper, but of an
inferior quality to that used for tin
Emperor's. Tho writing itself is like
coppor pinto, and no matter what the
hurry may bo, oxeellonco in this re
spect Is imperative. There aro usually
from sixteen to twenty pages in the
paper, but In dull times, when criticism
is scanty, it inns as low as four or
live. It is tho Emperor's regular ous
toin to read the Review as soon as he
wakes in tho morning, and if there Is
any specially important articlo in it he
summons his minister and has a talk
with him about it. At any rate lie
reads the journal from beginning to
end, and thus knows each dav how ho
and his Government aro rogarded bv
tho civilized nations of tho earth. Tho
articles may be old as a matter of fact
each journal Is a day Into but thoy
aro new to him. Current Literature.
A Sensible Canvasser.
An agent who had made a studv of
human nature stopped at a gate on
Second avonuo tho othor day and
asked of a small boy digging plantains
out of tlto grass:
"Hub, is your mother homo?"
"Yes, sir."
"Changed hired girls within a
weok?"
"No, sir."
"House cleaning all dono?"
"Yes, sir."
"(Sot her new spring bonnot?"
"Sho has."
"Children wollP"
"Yes, sir."
"Father go away gooi-nutured this
morning?"
"Ho did."
"Then I pjiess I'll ring tho boll and
try to soli her a picture."
Shu took two, and asked him to oall
In a day or two with a $7 family Hlble,
Detroit Free Press.
An Indiana gardener claims that
ho protects against tho cabbago worm
by laying at-prigof penny royal on each
cabbage.
Having the evil eye.
One of the Most I-amlllar Superstitions
Anion)- the Italians.
Shortly after his election Pius IX.
who was then adored by the Romans
and perhaps the best loved man in
Italy, was driving through the streets
when he happened to glance upward
at an open window at which a nurse
was standing with a child. A few
minutes afterward the nurse let the
child drop nnd it was killed. No one
thought tho Pope had wished this,
but the fancy that he had the ovll eye
became universal and lasted till his
death. In Carniola, if you tell a
mother her baby is strong and large
for its age, a farmer that his crops
aro looking well, or a coachman that
his team is good, all three will spit at
your foot to avert the omen and, if you
understand tho custom, you will do
the same as an act of politeness. A
person who wandered through Upper
Carniola and praised every thing he
saw would soon eome to be
considered tho most malevolent
of men. In Naples the same feel
ing exists. Tho terms of endear
ment which mothers of the lower
class use to their children and the
pot names thoy call them by are often
so Indecent that it would be impossible
to reproduce them in English, and
always ' so contemptuous that they
would be offensive in any other rela
tion. The well-known habit of Neapolitans
to oner a guest any thing he may
praise has .probably tho same origin.
It is, of course, now to a very large
extent only a form of courtesy: but
even now another feeling lurks behind,
at least in u good many cases. Your
host has been delighted at your ad
miration of his possessions-: he would
have been disappointed if it had not
been so warmly expressed as it was:
but still he is a little afraid of the ill
luck the kind things you have said
may bring. Hy offering tho objects
you have liked best to you. and receiv
ing your certain refusal to accept them,
he puts them in a bad light, and thus
counteracts the evil effects of your
praise. He says to fnte, you seo their
value is not great atver al!.
This superstition, however, is by no
means confined to Naples or Italy; it
is said to be common in China and
Japan, and among negroes and red In
dians. Even in England it is unknown.
In fact, in all countries when visiting a
sick acquaintance it is better to say:
"I am glad to hear you are a little bet
ter to-day," than "I am glad to soe
you looking so much hotter." Nor is
the belief by any means confined to
the lower classes. A person who ls
highly educated, very intelligent, and
by no means prejudiced in religious
matters, was once asked whether the
words acted as an evil charm or wheth
er they merely foretold evil. The re
ply was: "I don't know; but I do
Vnow from experience that whenever
any body tells me I am looking well I
fall ill within three days: and the more
intimate I am with the person that
says it tho worse tho illness is." There
may bo a connection between this su
perstition and that of the evil eye wo
aro Inclined to think there is but they
must not be confounded, as ono is often
found in districts where the othor is
unknown. Saturday Review.
THAT SOUP PHRASE.
l'ortiiniitoly It Is (iriuliiull v Losing Its
Hold on the Public
The reasons why we do not and
never havo indorsed the phrase "He
fell In tho soup" aro manifold. When
It first camo into general use it was
harsh and grating, and now that it has
become old. rhoumatie and moss-cov
ercd, it is positively, diobolical in' its
discordancy. "Foil in tho soup" was
primarily intended to convoy tho mean
ing to ino auditor or auditors that a
man or a woman, or a collection of
men and women, had in some way be
come downed, or more elegantly speak
ing, been competed through force of
circumstances or events to acknowl
edge tho corn. While this was un
doubtedly tho object of tho phrase, it
has manifestly failed in reaching the
goal of its intentions. It is not
graphic, and that is absolutely essen
tial to any real claim to the public
consideration. There have been so
called Improvements suggested such
as "lie fell in the consom
me." "in tho mulliga-tawiiy," and
"stumbled into tho tureen," but
none of those are ono iota better than
tho original. In somo unaccountable
manner, however, tho phrase came
Into qulto gonoral use. but most ns
suredly not through any real worth of
Its own, but because of the peculiar
fancies of the American people. In
the first placo it is important that a
phase should bo so constructed and
composed as to Instantly convoy to tho
uninitiated tho idea intended to be ex
pressed. "In tho soup" fnils manifest
ly In this regard, especially whon ad
dressed to an individual ignorant of
tho Idioms of speoch of our country.
How many people would understand
by "in tho soup" that a person had
failed in Ills undertaking? Nono, un
less they had previous acquaintance
with this combination of very unou
phonlous words. Wo aro glad to note
that this really obnoxious phase is
gradually losing its hold on tho pub
lie. nnd our sincercst hope ls that "In
tho soup" will fall so deeply Into tho
bouillon as to become tangled in the
vegetables and unable to clamber over
the side of tho tureen. Minneapolis
Tribune.
Several Caro (Mich.) gontlomen
recently taw a largo rat carry a hen's
egg on lu back. Thoy say that it
twisted Its tall around the egg and
carried It safely until It was hit with a
btone.
IN TROUBLE AGAIN.
i
Carl Dander Tells Some Oood Jokes om
Sereral People.
"What's tho mattor with you P"
asked Sergeant Hendall yesterday as
Carl Dunder entered tho Woodbridgo
Street station with a grin on his face.
"May pe I vhas green llko some
grass, eh?" chuckeled the old man in
reply.
"I have often snld so."
"Und I doan'come In dor house vhen
ho rains, may pc?"
"Well, what Is it?"
"I beat a schwindler py his own
game ha! ha! ha!"
"It isn't possible."
"Yes, she vhas, Sergeant- You vhas
always down on me. You pelief I
vhas an idiot, you speak dot I ought
to haf somo guardians oafor mo, und
you make me feel bad. Howofer, I
show you dot I vhas no chlldrens. I
goes down py der Third Street depot
yesterday, to wait for dot Toledo train,
und pooty soon a stranger comes opp
to mo und says:
"'Hel'o! Smith, how you vhas?'
' 'I vhas all right'
'"How vhas farming this year?'
' 'Worry good.'
"'Vhas vour wheat and hogs
and
turnips all right?'
4," 'She vhas.'
" 'How vhas all der folks iti Po
dunk?' " 'All well.'
"Dot vhas good. Say, Smith, I like
to use $ 10 right avhay. Here vhas a
$20 check on der bank oop town. Gif
me der $10 and tako der check, und
I meet you at der bank in an hour.'"
"And you gave him the money?"
"Yes."
"And took the check?"
"Of course."
"And ITi bet ten to ono tho check
is worthless."
"Vhell, dot's vhat der cashier said."
"Well, you are an idiot!"
"Say, Sergeant, doin' you seo some
shokes in dot?"
"No. I don't!"
"Vhell. you must bo idots, too. Dot
man dakes me for a farmer named
Smith, und I vhas Carl Dunder all der
while ha! ha! ha! Now you seo der
point."
"Yes, but you aro $10 out."
"So I vhas so I vhas. I doan' see
dot pefore."
"Any one elso tako you for Smith?"
"Vhell, not exactly, but l vhas oop
to somo snuff mit a plackleg who
vhants to beat me."
"I'll bet he got tho best of you."
"I bet you $10,000,000 he doan'!
Ho
comes in my placo to get a $5
bill
shanged. I vhas on to him shust so
queek ash dot. I know he likes to
flim-flam me, and I keeps ray eyos
open."
" 'Can you shango mo $5, Mr. Dun
ker?' " 'Mit pleasure.'
"I count him out $2 in bills and $3
In silver, und $1 vhas counterfeit ha!
ha! ha!"
"Well?"
"Vhell, he likes two
hafs for one,
und I gif one haf mit a
hole in him
Vint luif IniT'
"'I vhas pooty much obliged, Mr.
Dunder. He vhas a hot day?'
" 'So ho vhas. So long.'
"Und he goes avhay shust like a
lumb.- Doan I boat him?"
"Got the bill with you?"
"Yes, I bring him along to ask you
sometings. Who puts that man's
narao on him?"
"Where there? That's no name?"
"I read him dot ho vhas CM O. Un
terfeit. I guess ho vhas Sherman."
"That reads, 'counterfeit.'"
"Sho does?"
"Of course it does, and you are beat
en, just as I expected. Mr. Dunder, it
rr
"Sorgeant, it vhas all right right.
Doan' speak py mo ono word. To
morrow I goes py der lunatic asyluir
and knocks on der door.'
" 'Who vhas dot?'
" 'Carl Dunder.'
" 'Vhas you want?'
" 'I likes to como In nnd shtop tw
hoonered years.'
" 'AH right you vhas in.'
"Good-pye. Sorgeant. Shust keep
quiot und doan' shpoak. I vhas going
I vhas gone!" Detroit Freo Press.
Alabama's Natural Bridge.
High up in the crest ot tho mount
ains on tho Hlrmingham, Shoflleld &
Tenncsseo railroad there is to bo found
ono of Nature's wonders. It is a nat
ural bridgo, as comploto, as perfect, 1
as symmetrical, and in somo essontials
more remarknblo than tho great nat
ural bridgo of Virginia. Tho bridgo
llos botweon the stations of Lynn and
Dolmar. It is about fifty-oight miles
from Shoflleld and twenty-nine miles
from Jasper. Its length from abut
mont to abutment Is ono hundred and
sevcnty-flvo feet. Its width is twenty
fivo feet, and tho thickness ranges from
four to six feet. It is of puro sand
stone, nnd has no doubt stood tho cli
matic changes of ngos. Loaning ovor
tho bridgo you seo in tho ravino which.
It spans, somo sixty-flvo feet below,
tho shimmer and sparklo of many
springs of clear limpid wator which
bubble from the sandstone soil, and,
joining, How down tho ravino. A
singular feature Is a subdivision or
smallor bridgo, constructed on tho
snmo pattern, perhaps oven moro per-
foct In its outlines, which Meads from-
one side of the bridge propor. North
Alabamlan.
Fools with bookish knowlodgo aro
children with edged weapons; thoj
hurt themselves, and put others in
pain. The half-learned Is more dan
gerous than tho simpleton. Zimmerman.