OREGON SCOUT. JONES & CHAXGEY, Publishers. RELIGIOUS AND EDUCATIONAL, Methodism is still the most power ful denomination in the South, especi- ally in Georgia. The London Road Car Company, to their credit, stand out against tho nraeticcof running cars on bunday, al though they beliovo their dividend could bo increased one per cent, by adopting it At Mr. 'Moodv's two schools in Northlield over five- hundred youn men and women are now being educat ed to become missionaries, teachers mid workers in other branches of Christian effort Higher education has made great advancement in Greece during recent years. The lyceum for girls lias a stall of seventy-six teachers and 1,61)0 pupils Illiteracy in the kingdom is rare, even In the out-of-the-way hill countries. A little girl in a Boston school who was asked todehno tho word "redress promptly replied that it meant a female reader. And a little girl in an English school recently gave "gandress" as feminine of gander." Cincinnati Times. A man with patched garments re tcntly came into the rooms of a London missionary society to beg, us was fear cd, but taking out a package of bank notes ho said ho wished them to be nsed iirpreaehing Christ to the heathen. Uis gift amounted to $37o. The Turkish Government officials have now put tho seal of the Sultan on thirty-two editions of tho Arabic scrip turcs and parts of Scriptures, thus giv ing the sanction of the Imperial Caliph Df Isbim for the freo circulation ot tlio word of God. AT. IK Christian Ad vocate. itov. Li. Lloyd, of tho Church of hnglaml, who lias i eon laboring in Full Chow since 187G, states that tho l.ouu converts wliom no louiul on going to Full Chow have been incrcas ttl to tho grand total of 0,000, and of these he himself lias been privileged to baptize one thousand. Public Opinion. Head and Hand is the name of tho little paper, whose first number has just appeared from the press of the LoMoyno Institute at Memphis. Principal A. .1. Btcolo is the editor, but tho mechanical work is all done by members of tho tnanrfal training department. This Issue shows both good head work and pood baud work on the part of tho pupils. WIT AND WISDOM. Do nearor sundown do busier do lazy man. The Judge. An impecunious man designates a ton-dollar bill as "a William," beeauso ho is not sufficiently familiar with it k call it "Bill." True politoncss is perfect case and freedom. Jt simply consists in treat ing others just as you love to bo treated roursolf. Every man lias a right to make himself something better than he is, but no man has a right to claim honor and credit which are not duo him. Young woman (timidly to clerk) I would liko to look at some falso hair, please." Clerk (experienced) "Yes, ma'am. What color does your friend want?" Sale ollbotod. Life. On a Would-bo Cornotist: No moro his shrill bins; L, Our ciiirs will rliiK through; llo rusts now iH lftst, And Uio neighbors rest, too. lloslon Jtudget. A wrltor assorts that "tho old-fashioned rocking chair is and always will bo tho favorite artielo of furniture." Guess not. The sofa with a tendency to sag in tho middle still holds its own. Darlington Free Press. Some ono who has given tho sub ject considerable study says that "blue ayes usually go with light hair." Wo havo not given the matter much thought, but wo havo noticed that black eyos frequent!' go with a bloody i nose. xomstown Herald. Teacher With whom did Achilles Gght at Troy? Bov With Pluto. "Wrong." "With Nero." "Wrong." Then it was Hector." "Whit mado rem think of Pluto ami Nero?" "Oh, I knew it was ono of our dogs. Their names are Pluto, Nero and Hector." Frankfurter Zeitung. Tough (in apothecary's shop) Bay, young feller, gimme ten grains o' itrichnino, right away, in a big hurry, and don't you forget it Clork Hats? rough Now, look n-horo, I don't want any o' your slang, or Pll jump over there imd spoil that dudo collar o' yours in 'bout four seconds. Ho was waited on immediately. Harper's Uajar. Tho society column of tho lloppnor (Oro.) Qazettc contains tho following item of interest: "Miss Carrie Dillon will teach tho school up Ham gulch tills spring. Carrie is now developing tier muscle with a pair of dumb-bells, and proposes to subjugate old Tom Carter's freeklo-faccd boy If slut has to break his back ami horsewhip old Tom U ho, interferes." Mrs. Bagley Aurolln, you had better hide that milliner's bill, and I'll try to shavo enough oll'tho grocer's bill to pay it. Your paw is greatly worriod over his business affairs. Aurolia O niaw! you don't moan to say he is going to fail? Mrs. Bagley I know nothing for certain, but last night I heard him talking in Ids sloop about being robbed by a man named Umpire mid about tho aien going out on strikes, and 1 fear the worst Philadelphia CalL SCIENCE OFLONGEVITY. A Few Unminrntn On the Normal or XnU urn I I.I in 1 1 of Human 1,1 fc. 1 nnVo betoro mo tlio records or no less than fifty-two centenarians, tho do tails in regard to whom havo been col looted by a coniniittoo of the British Medical Association. Of tho fifty-two no fewer than thirty-six (more than two-thirds) aro women. This may probably be attributed in large part to tho comparative immunity that women enjoy from many risks to which men are exposed, but probably it is duo not less to their greater temperance and to their freedom from tlio anxieties and heartburnings wlucli attend men s struggles for Inlliionco and ovon for maintenance. Medical men contend, However, tunc woman also possess greater inherent vitality tiian mon, tho mortality of girls being loss than that of boys, oven during tlio first year of life, when tlio female is neither moro temperate nor less ambitious than tlio male, and Is exposed to as many dangers. Of tho 10 men only ono was single; 10 of the 30 women were single; 15 men and 2G woman, then, among tho con tonarians were married; out, naturally enough, of theso 11 a largo number, all, in fact, but 5, wcro widowed. Three of th 52 were rich, 19 poor, tho rest in comfortable circumstances: 9 wero fat (only ouo man), 23 lean, IS medium; only 8 were full-blooded; tlio rest aver- ago or pale. Forty had good.digostion, which after 101 years means a good deal. Most of tho 52 havo had good ap petitcs, only two having appetites classed as actually bad; most of them have been through life moderate eaters; 12, however, have eaten largo quantities of food. Only one is returned as a largo eater of llesh food, and only ono as a great consumer of alcoholic liquors (in lus case the liquor preferred has ben beer). Only eight of all tlio number aro classified as simply "irritable." but to those must bo added 5 classed as "ir ritablo and energetic." As to sinoki 32 aro non-smokers, 17 smoko much (1 of tlioin being women), 3 moderately, and 2 a little; only 1 chows; 37 avoid snuIV. Wlion wo talco a number or cnsc3 such as those in all elassos of lifo, un der many varied circumstances, and not characterized bv any spocial eourso directed toward the attainment of moro longevity (which might possibly bo gained without real advantage, all that makes lifo worth living being sacrificed for life's sake), most man not affected by specific disease, constitutional or wi horded, may hope to attain an ago con sldorably exceeding tnrco score years and ton, or oven four-sooro years. It would appear, in fact, as though livo score years wore tho natural or normal limit of human life, and that when mon die many years beforo that ago is at tained the fault, apart from malignant disease or accident, has lain witli thoin- solves. Underlying the old proverb, 'Every man is a fool or a physician at forty," therms tho important truth that it is in every man's power, if lie is wise, to recognize early in lifo, liko Cornaro, the requirements of his own oonstitu lion, and tho means by which all such stores of vitality as it may possess may be utilized. liichara A. rroctor, in Cosmopolitan. FIRST CLASS COTTON. An UniM'Ht Colored Mun'n OmilliigN with mi UimuiMiiiuililu Whllo Mini. "This halo of cotton scorns to bo mi usually heavy, old man," said a cotton buyer to a negro whoso cotton lie had just weighed. "las, sah; yas. Haisod in mighty low groun' down naixt tor do bayou, sah. OIo Tom Neil had some raised down dar dat's heavier don dis." "But this seems to be a little too fctnvy." '(), Its naehul, sah; its nneliul. Mighty heavy dow down in dat low groun' at night. Almos' think dar'd been or rain over' niawnin', sah. Yas, it's naehul." Yes, but 1 don't caro about payim you until I open this halo." "Dar am't no uso'n openin' do bale, sah; no use er tall. Cotton's all dar, naehul an' mighty tine. Look out, boss, doan t'ar do cotton tor pieces ilat erway. Jjookouc liijer ittooiur 'long wid it dat orway. Dar, dat 11 do. O, yer see, it's naehul. Low groun' Tho cotton buyer hauled out a log of green wood. "What do you call this?" "Sah?" "1 say what do you call this?" "W'y, sah, some o' do cuis tilings "Never mind. What do vou call this?" "Looks liko wood, sah; I'll bo blamo of it doan. Is it slio' 'null' wood, boss?" "You know well enough what it is, you good-for-nothing old rascal." "Who do?" "You do, you thoiving -" "Ta kere, now; ta kore. Nobor seed dat wood till dis mini t . an' I doan know how it got dar. Muster drapped in w on 1 wan t lookln . "1 think it dropped in when you were looking, lake your cotton away from here. I don't want it," "W y, sah, jes pay mo fur do cotton tin' let do wood erlono. W'at yer mean by stall capers? Huh, I ain' axed yer to tako do wood. I I I ain' er pusson to forco nuthln' on or man w'eii ho doan' want it Yos, sah, dat's mighty lino cotton. Haisod down dar " "Tako It nwny, I toll you. Tako it nwav or I II burn it un." "W'at, eomo'strovln' or man's prop erty wldout gihiu' him warnin?' On roabounblo.it man I ebor seed, an' It doan inter tor mo like yer wautor nek honos , nohow; an' I wantor toll yer right yoro dat I ain' gwlno tor hab'no mo donllu' wld yor. Kf dar's anv thing 1 bplzus it's er unbones' uiaui' 'r-Arkamaw IVavtttr. w'lto LINCOLN'S NOMINATION. Announcement of tho HulIoM In tho Chi- ciiro Convention of 1800. Though it was not oxpeeted to bo decisive, tho very first ballot foreshad owed accurately the final result. Tho "complimentary" candidates received tlio tribute of admiration from their respective State. Vermont votod for Collanicr, and Now Jersey for Dayton, each solid. Pennsylvania's compli ment to Cameron was sliorn or six votes, four of which wont at onco for Lincoln. Ohio divided her compli mont, 31 for Chase, 1 for MeLoan, and at onco gavo Lincoln her 8 rotnaining votes. Missouri voted solid for her candidate, Bates, who also received a scattering tribute from other dolega tious. But all theso compliments were of littlo avail to thoir recipients, for far abovo each towered tho aggrogatos of tho leading candidates: Soward, 173J; Lincoln, 102. In tho ground-swell of suppressed oxoitement which porvaded tho con vention tliero was no time to analyze this vote; nevertheless, delegates and spectators folt tho full forco of its premonition; to all who desired tho defeat of Soward it pointed out tlio winning man with unerring cer tainty. Another littlo wrangle ovor sumo dispulo'd and protesting delegate made the audience almost furious at tho delay, and "Call tho roll!" sounded from a thousand throats. A second ballot was begun at last, and, obeying a force as suro as tlio law of gravitation, tho forinor compli mentary votes canio rushing to Lin coln. Tho wliolo 10 votes of Col lainer, 41 from Cameron, G from Chase anil McLean, wore now cast for him, followed by a scatter of additions along the whole roll-call. In this bal lot Lincoln gained 79 votes. S tward only 11. Tho faces of tlio Now York delegation whitened as tlio balloting progressed and as the torrent of Lin coln's popularity beeaino a river. Tho result of tlio second ballot was: Sew ard, 181; Lincoln, 181; scattering, 99. When the vote of Lincoln was an nounced tliero was a tremendous burst of applause, which tho chairman pru dently, but with difficulty, controled and silenced. The third bnllot was begun amid a breathless suspense; hundreds of pen cils kept paco with ftlio roll-call, and nervously marked tlio changes on thoir tally-sheet Tho Lincoln figures steadily 'swelled and grow. "Votes came to him from all the othor can didates 1 from Soward, 2 from Cam eron, 13 from Bate-), 18 from Chase, 9 from Dayton, 8 from MoLaan, 1 from Clay. Lincoln had gained 50; Sow ard had lost !. Long beforo the official tellers footed up their columns, spectators and delegates mado tho reckoning and know the result: Lin coln, 231; Soward. 180. Counting tho scattering votes, -1G5 ballots had boon cast, and 233 wore necessary to a choice; only 1 votes moro wore needed to make a nomination. a proiounu siinncss siiiiuoiuy icu f 1 .Ml 11 1 oil, upon the wigwan ; the men ceased to talk and the ladies to flutter their fans one could distinctly hear tho scratch ing of pencils and tho ticking of tele- graph instruments on tlio reporters' tables. No announcement had been made by tlio chair; changes wero in order, and it was only a question of seconds who should speak first. While every ono was loaning forward in in tonso expectancy, Mr. Carttor spranj upon his chair and reported a change of four Ohio votes from Chase to L'n- coln. 1 hero was a moment's pause tellor waved his tally-shoot toward tho skylight and shouted a naiiio and then the boom of a cannon on tho roof of tho wigwam announced the nomiiia tiou to tlio crowds in tlio streets, where shouts ami salutes took up and spread the news. In tlio convention tlio Lin coin river now beeaino an inundation. Amid the wildest hurrahs, delegation after dologation changed its voto to tlio victor. A graceful custom provails in order ly American conventions, that tho chairman of the vanquished dologation is ursc to greet the nominee Willi a short address of party fealty and promise of party support. Mr. Evarls, tho spokesman for Now York, essayed promptly to perform this conrtoous office, but was dolaved a while bv the enthusiasm and confusion. The din at length subsided, and tlio presiding oil! cer announced that on the third ballot Abraham Lincoln of Illinois received 3GI votes, and "Is suloetod as your candidate for President of tlio United S ates." Then Mr. Evarls, in a voice of unconcealed emotion, but with ad mirable dignity and touching elo quence, speaking for Soward and for Now York, moved to make tho nomina tion unanimous. Century's Life of Lincoln. Tho Saskatchewan (Can.) Herald says: bomu weeus ago a colony ot grasshoppers hatched out on the plains between the bush and Eagle Creek, on tlio Swifr Current trail, and for tho distance of about a dav s travel cleaned oil' every green thing. But their appetites wore stronger than their growth: they ato down nil that was within thoir reach while they wero yot too young to fly, and so starvod to death. Egotism, vanity and selfishness spoil conversation far moro than do- lioionoy of talent, lhoy render a man wearisome and tedious to his best friends, and unendurable to others, and ho is loft alone as soon as courtesy will pormii. At Wostll'd toads gather under tho eh otrlu lights, altraoted by their brilliancy, and spend thoir time in fruitless jumping after tho thadows of Insects thrown upon the ground. FACTS ABOUT CANDY. Interesting InforniHtlon Picked Up New York Iteportcr. by Thero is moro money in molasses candy at tho ordinary soiling prices than in any other kind. Closo to molasses candy como choco late drops, caramols and othor candies in which sugar and chocolate or plal flavors aro tho ingredients. Tlio candie on which thero is tho least profit in proportion to the soiling price aro those which sell high. Tho best confectioners sugar costs but littlo over six cents pound, and tho best grades of molasses aro not dear, lhoy and a little flavor ing make molasses candy, and that is why there is so much profit in it Tliero is another particular besides good grades of molasses or sugar and flavoring that mnkos a big diiTeronco.iu tlio quality of candy and would account for tho superiority of somo candy over others, lliat is tho quality of tho but tor. (Jlieap confectioners do not uso butter at all. There aro plenty of sub stitutes for it, but none answers entire ly. Ono of tho best known candy mon in New York, who has built up a largo business, starting from a small tally shop, thinks that his use of fifty-cent butter in his, molasses candy has dono mom to build up his trade reputation than any tiling else. Ho gives as the keynote of candy success : "Puro imi' terials, fruit sirups and lino butter As much candy of tlio best grades is sold in summer as in winter, if not more.. Tho candy stores down town do a big summer business, as business men buy candy there for thoir wives out of town, and young clerks send box every little while to their girl who is oft at some summer resort In the winter tlio bulk of the trade is by the women themselves, who cause more trouble than the men, and do not buy so much of the highest price. When man is buying candy lie asks for tho best, whilo a woman prices tho candies as she does every tiling else. A woman's candy storo can always bo told from a man's candy storo by noticing whether thero is a soda-water fountain and some tables to sit down at. A man does not go to a candy storo but to a drug storo for whatovor soda-water ho may want, whilo a woman prefers a candy storo to havo a soda water and ice cream attachment Somo of tho candy stores aro accused of run ning liquor attachments in tho back room reserved for ice cream tables, but as men do not go thoro a male reporter has no way of finding out excopt by hcarsav whether there is a secret for men in tlio guiso of an ieo cream parlor. Tho host paid man in a candy estab lishment is tho designer of new candies. His pay is $50 or $00 a week, whilo tho foreman of tlio factory receives only If 30 or $ 10. Thero is always a demand for now candies with now names. Each now thing invented has its run of pop ularity for a littlo whilo, and thon is succeeded by something else. Tho candy man who puts tlio most taking novelties on tho market at tlio right timo is tlio ono who makes money, lliero is a constant domaud not only for new candies but for now flavors and designs in old standbys. Molasses candy is as old as any form of confec tionery, yet tliero aro now flavors and forms of it appearing every littlo while, and ciramels and chocolates continually turn up with somo trench uaino pro- lixed to them. A man who can liivont such things is wortli money, and raro. X. Y. Evening Sun. - k m ' IN GAY BARCELONA. is Costume Worn by lh Mon unit Women ot the I'll m oim SpituUli City. With some exceptions the ladies still wear tho poetic Andalusian headgear, their flossy tresses piled high, the black laeo covering them drooping in front in a point, i no isaroeiona shop girl or seamstress, however, instead of the mantilla, prefers a crimson or deep yellow silk kerchief, that suits to per fection her dark skin, jetty locks, and glorious orbs. Probably their eyes be como trained by tho constant contem plation, of vivid colors in mountain and sky, for even in such slight matters as the selection of a flower to plaeo in the hair, or tlio choice of a stocking to match tho petticoat, tlio Spanish lass never errs on the seoro of harmony. Tho peasant, too, is no less romantic than artistic, hi dress, deportment and physioguonry, in fact fiom head to foot, his appearance is characteristic. Hi woolott cap is in reality shaped liko the leg of a stocking happily ho does not stilVen or distend it to its full length capacity, tho effect would bo too grotesque for even his inborn gravity; the lavish superfluity ho draws forward, and, folding it in a scroll over tho fore head, it hot only shades the eyes, but is most becoming. It is generally red, and thus not altogether unlike tho Phiygian cap; old mon, however, often cliooso a dark brown, purple or gray color. His short jacket is of black or blue velveteen, with clusters of tiny silver filigree buttons; ho wears kneo brooches, knitted hose, and round his waist a roil snsh no less than live yards ill length. To put this on ho lots it trail on the ground, and winds himself into it by turning round and round. In tlio folds of this scarf ho carries a clasp knife of singular shape, presumably of Moorish origin, and peculiar to Cata lonia. The blade is from live to seven inches in length, ami, laving it fiat in tho right hand palm, with the point touching the tip of tlio two forefingers, the "uiuchacho" knows how to throw it with deadly accuracy. A pair of Mitidals, light and suitable for the climate, complete his equipment, and no doubt contribute greatly to the marvelous feats of speed and endurance for which ho is remarkable. On inaiiv a day's journey in tlio mountains tin-voting- man who acted as my guldo wax able witli ease to keep pace with the horse, and whore tlio path beoain- ruky ho would stride in ndvauo ipriugiug liko a goat from boulder U boulder. Gentleman' t Magaiiuc. I'OIlTJiAJVO lJtOIUCrt 3IAKK.KT. Butter -Fancy roll, tC lb. Oregon Inferior grade . . Pkkled California roll .. 30 1G 20 30 :so 30 20 10 ' 8 5 28 14 10 40 8 10 12 2 2i V!5 12 274 '.8 15 14 7 18 12i do pickled Chkesb Eastern, full cream Oregon, do - California Egos Fresh Dkied FnuiTS Apples, qrs, nks and bxs. . . do California Apricots, nevr crop Peaches, unpeelea. now ... Pears, machine dried Pitted cberrieu Pitted plums, Oregon FlgH, (Jal., in bgs and bxs. . CaT. Prunes, French Oregon prunes Flodk Portland Pat. Roller, bbl 9 Salem do do 7 8 10 White Lily V bbl. Country brand 3 60 3 Stintrtlno 2 60 2 75 GllAIN - Wheat, Valley, 100 lbs. . . do Walla Walla Barley, whole, fc ctl do ground, tr ton Oats, choice milling t' bush do feed. aood tochoice.old 1 20 1 23 1 074 1 1 1 10 20 0(1 (225 00 40 45 45 (n Rve. t? 100 lbs 1 00 1 10 Bran, V ton 10 00 (3,17 00 Shorts, t? ton la U0 19 00 liny, V ton, baled 18 00 Chop. V ton ?3 TO 25 00 Oil cake meal V ton 32 00 33 0C latESH UlUlTS Apples, Oregon, ? box. 00 4 00 1 00 Uhe erries. Oreiron. tfdrm.. Lemons, California, jbx. L.lmes, V luo i ou Riverside oranges, fbox... Los Angeles, do do . . . Peaches, pbox 100125 11IDK9 Dry, over 10 lbs, F lb 13 Wetsalted. over E5 lbs Cifta 14 74 Murrain hides one-third off. Pelts 10 1 00 VKOKTAIJLES Cabbage, & lb Carrots, )jf sack 1 Cauliflower, doz Onions 1 Potatoes, new, bush . . . . 80 Wool East Oregon, Spring clip.. 14 Valley Oregon, do . . 18 Tlio two oldest trees in tho world are supposed to bo tho ono in Calaveras County. Cal., that is believed to bo 2,505 years old, ami tho cypress of Soinina, in Lombardy, Italy, that is 1,911 years old, or planted forty-two years beforo Christ. An Ohio wedding was first post poned beeauso the girl's mother died. Then tlio young man's father died; then the girl broke a leg; then the young man got kicked by a horse. Last week it was postponed again be cause tlio girl's father got mangled in a reaper. Won't they bo a happy couple if they over do get spliced! A citizen of Cincinnati thought that he had a sure fortune in a kitton which had firo heads, live tails, ton fore legs, and firo hind legs. He also thought that it ought to havo about forty-five lives and was good for many years, but after a brief career of fifteen days the little monstrosity died, tho re sult of too much handling by tho cu rious. One of tho queerest facts in nat ural history has been discovered by Itov. J. J. Lall'erty, of Richmond, who gives it to tlio world in his religious journal as follows: "When a sparrow hawk pounces on a guinea, lie lets the guinea flv, but the hawk, sitting on tho back of the fowl, uses his own tail to guide tho guinea. He always steers his victim to his nest in the forest." BOSTON IN LUCK. At tho drawing of tho Louisiana Stato Lottery in New Orleans, Oct. 11. threo of tho big prizos wero captured by Boston mon. Mr. Israel Ginsburg, who held one-tenth of tickot numbered 13,6-16, drew ono-tenth of tho capital prize of $150,000. Mr. Ginsburg is a young man, nineteen years ol ago, and lives with Ins fathoi at 57 Salom street, in quarters that betray a lifo of hard ship and moderate if not extromo pov erty. He is a Russian Jew, a peddler by trade, and has only been in this country a few years. To few men, therefore, could tho smile of fortune havo bcon moro welcome. Tho morn ing the lucky numbers wero published Mr. Ginsburg looked them, as he thought, carefully over, but failed to discover that his ticket bore tho luok iest number of all. When his friend Mr. Fmberg congratulated him lator in tlio day no naturally tliougiit lio was joking, and it was no easy matter to convince mm of ins good luck. How ever, tho pleasant truth sooner or later dawned upon lum, and if ho should ever doubt it again nil he will havo to do will bo to visit the Blackstono and Fourth National Banks, whore ho will find that hist week ho dopositod in them $7,000 and $6,000 respectively. Tho remaining $2,000 the grateful son presented his father. Little olse than Mr. Ginshurg's good fortuno has been talked of in tho neighborhood of Salem street since tho drawing. Mr. John F. Sullivan and anothor Bostonian each hold a tenth of ticket 58,180 which also drew a capital prize, the amount in cold cash receivod by each being $2,000. Mr. Sullivan is a poor man, perhaps, tlurty-hvo years old, who dur ing tho past few years has been with out any pornmuont employment. though during the most of his lifo ho was a moro or less successful junk dealer. He Iias been a staunch beliovor in tho lottery and has found it a profit able investment before. The. other gen tleman, whote name wo aro not at lil- erty to publish, is the cashier of one of tho largest and woaltmeft companies in the United States. Ho lias drawn prizes before though nono were so largo as tho last. Ho expressed himself a perfectly satisfied with his experionci and considered the Louisiana State Lot tory Company as ono uf tho fairest and most honest financial organizations in the country. Boston (Muss.) Courier, Oct. 30th. THE BABY OBJECTS. Tommy Cute AVrlten a ltrnl Sensible tot ler to un I-Mltor. Tommy Cute, aged one, haying suf fered as long as ho can stand it, writes to us, in order that his grievances, be ing known to tho public, they may im mediately bo cured. I object, ho says, in tho first place, to being forced to adopt Farmer Jones' brindlo cow for a foster mother. I object also to tho existenco of rv liko relationship between myself and' tho condensed milk-factory or the corn starch mill. I object to having my stomach stuffed a a remedy for a mosquito bite on mjr littlo loo or a nasty pin in ny nock. I object to personating a churn. T prefer to tako my butter after tho churning process is completed. I object to being kissed by all tho woinon, old and young, who como noar me. 1 prefer to wait a few years, or at least until I shall be old enough to make my own selections. I object to having peoplo ask mo abotit 1113 ago. It is an impertinence. Besides, grown peoplo sometimes re member, and of ages they are especial ly apt in keeping a record. I ohject to having to go hungry until company is served. For 1113 part, I don't see what' peoplo want company for. Company is a nuisance. Mam ma and papa have said so hundreds of times in my hearing. I object to being obliged to go about with my neck and arms bare. When it is hot, tho ilies and mosquitoes bother mo awfully, and whon tho air is chilly, I feel as though I wero freezing; to death. 3 I object, when I go out to rido in my perambulator, to having myself loft alono in the sun whilo my maid sports with that long-logged chnp with tho yellow moustacho and rcady-mado clothing. I object to being sent to bed whon I am not sleopy, and to having a nasty rubbor tube stuck into my mouth every timo I turn over in tlio night. I object to having strangers mako faces at me. They givo 1110 an awful start sometimes when thoy think they aro n musing mo. I object to being spoken to by peo plo with whom I am unacquainted. Why don't thoy wait for an introduc tion? I object to being tho only child in tho family. It's awfully lonesomo not to have any brothers or sistors. I wish I had been born when it wnsfashionablo to havo largo families. I object to boing called Tom, just be eauso my papa was called Tom whon ho was a boy. Beeauso his papa gavo him a name ho didn't liko was no rea son for giving mo a namo I detest. I should think a boy ought to bo al lowed to chooso his own name. I object to woaring dresses and hav ing my hair curled. Half tho folks think I'm a gal. I object to boing bossed by women. A man ought to bo his own master. I'm just sick df petticoat government. I object to being taught baby talk. What good does it do mo? After Iliavo boconio proficient in it I havo to go to work and unlearn it and learn grown folks' language. Why don't thoy teach me that in tho first place? I object to having folks boro mo with, thoir silly stories which I havo hoard; so many timos that thoy aro vcritablo chestnu's. I object to having peoplo try to hum bug 1110 all tho time. Thoy toll 1110 what I should do and what I should not do. I notico they aro not given to taking thoir own niedicihe. What dunces thoy aro not to know that I learn more from what I see than from what thoy toll me! There's lots of other thing to which I object, but this will do for a starter- Boston Transcript. Tho volcanoes Popooatopetl and. Ixtaceihutl, says a Moxioan exchange, present a grand spectaelo on clear mornings. Thoy aro covered with ico and snow from-thoir tops to within a fow hundred feot of thoir bases. This is a regular phenomenon of tho sum mer months. Up to a few works apro I considered myself the ohamplon Dyspeptlo of America. During the years that 1 have bean a nil 0 ted I have trtou almost ovorythln-r olalmtnl to bo a. Hpooitls for Dyipepala In the hopo o flnillntr somethln-r that would attbi-d pormaneut reMof. I had about muU up my mind to abandon all medl olnos when I noticed un endorsement of Simmons 1.1 Tor Regulator by a prominent Oeortrlan, a Jurist whom I knew, and oouoludod to try Its otl'iiot.s lu my cas. I have used bur two bottles, and am satLsflod that 1 havo struck tho r!ht thing at liwt. I folt its beneficial effects almost im mediately. Vullko all othar prepara tions of a similar kind, no 6ieeial Instructions aro required as to what ono shall or shall not eat. This fact alono ought to commend it to all troubled with Dyspepsia. J. N. HOLMES, Vlueland, JT. J. DYSPEPSIA To Secure n Itrcnlar Habit or lloily without rhiiuiriiiir tho illt.-t or DU orKitiilzliit; tho Sj.loin, tako SIMMONS LIVER REGULATOR omt GENUINE uANi-rAcri-sro t J. H. ZEIUN & CO., Philadelphia.