IS.
STORY OF TWO HATS.
An CTclinncfi "T Hciid-tieur Which Crimed
Conclcnllr Mcrrliiiont.
A few yours ago nn amusing incident
occurred in the House of Commons be
tween two well-known members. One,
who for many years represented Nortli
Warwickshire, was a true specimen of
an old English Tory gentlemen, some
what solemn of visage and dress, while
the other, who is still a member of the
House, is a prominent Irish Nationalist
They happened on this occasion to bo
seated on the same bonch, with their
hats placed beside them on the seat
The two hats were, though both tall,
dissimilar in nearly every other respect;
the Tory member's being high ami
straight, with a Hat, narrow brim just
.such a hat as an old fogy who looks
with contempt upon the fashionable
hats of the present day would wear; but
the other gentleman's copper, if not in
the correct Bond street style, was rather
fetching in appearance, with its slightly
curved cro.wn and neatly-curved brim.
An attendant passing a card into the
House, with an intimation that a con
stituent was waiting in the hall to see
the Irish member, he. apparently hav
ing his attention fixed upon the name
on the card, rose, took a hat from the
peat, and walked out of the House,
placing the hat upon his head. A
general titter of amusement took place
among the members and others as
sembled in the lobby and hall to see the
familiar figure of the Irish member with
a hat on Ihat-niight have belonged to
his grandfatlior, and his general ap
pearance reminded most people that
saw him of a celebrated character of
Dickens' in the "Old Curiosity Shop."
It happened at that moment a division
was called, and the members summoned
into the chamber in the usual way.
when, jut as the question was about
to be put, the loud voice of the member
for North Warwickshire was heard call
ing the attention of Mr. Speaker to a
point of order, for the worthy member,
heing a rare old stickler for a question
being put in its proper order, thought
he could improve upon the form in
which the present one should be put.
Cries of "Order! Order!" rose from
all parts of the House, as it is custo
mary for a member addressing the
IIouso when the doors are closed for a
division to remain "seated and cov
ered." The member receiving a' re
minder from another sitting near, at
once seized the hat beside him and
placed it upon his head. A loud roar
of laughter was heard from the whole
House, the Speaker being hardly able
to resist joining in, to see the worthy
old gentleman in his somber dress with
such a hat on as he had never before
been seen to wear during the forty
years of his parliamentary life. When
the merriment had subsided and the
point of order was settled, the Irish
member, who had discovered his mis
take of taking the wrong hat, resumed
his seat, and, with that keen sense of
humor he is known to possess, delighted
the House by putting on the hat he had
taken anil assuming a broad grin. The
two members sat side by side for a few
seconds, one enjoying the amusement
the spectacle caused and the other
frowning his displeasure at the very un
parliamentary proceeding. The hats
wero then exchanged amid approving
cheers of the members. London Times.
THE BLANKET FISH.
A Pearl-Direr Tell the Story of Ills Niir
row Ksmpc from SulTocntlon.
The first time I struck the bottom I
couldn't believe I was there. It was as
clear as air, and the fishes swimming
around might have been taken for birds.
1 landed on a kind of sand hill when
they lowered me, and had to walk
.about fifty feet down into a valley like
before I struck the shells. They were
sill in a bunch, stretched along in a
ridge, looking like a black mark against
the white bottom. I was dragging the
hamper and when I got alongside I
"began to toss them in. I reckon I had
filled half a dozen or so, when all at
once I -aw a kind of shadow moving
over all. At first I thought it was the
schooner and then, perhaps, some of
the other divers coming down, and thou
it left; but all at once it camo again
and grew so dark in a second that
1 turned quick and looked up,
and I'm telling you the truth,
master, if 1113' hair hadn't been
held down by a copper cap
it would have riz right on end. There,
a-inovin' over me. was what I took to
ho a bird about thirty feet across. It
was wheeling round and round, Hap
ping its big wings, just as you've seen
huzzards or eagles do, overhead.
Down it came, lower and lower, and I
a-orouching asilat as I could get. Tho
nearer it got tho bigger it looked, and
as I see it was a-settling on mo I took
tho pike I always carried and as it
wheeled around over me I let drive.
Hit it? Well, I reckon I did. Tho next
thing I knew I was standing on :y
head, rolling over and over, then
yanked sideways, half drowned, and
then I reckon I lost my senses, and when
I came to I was lyin' on deck and all
nanus 100KUI" at mo. V
You see, the critter had given the
water such a swirl that I was knocked
. end for end, and my pipo and line
twisted around and around, so that 1
couldn't breatho, and of course that
pulled the line, and tho men thought 1
had jerked it to come up, so they hauled
away for all they wcro worth, and tliat's
what saved my life. What was it?
"Why, nothin' but ono of those sea bats
-blanket fish tho other men calledt
and they all said I had a narrow run
for it That was the way, accord in' to
their say, that tho Jisli goos to work to
get away with a man. They first settle
Iown on you like a blanket, and there
3011 are. There wHsii't a man that
would go down after that for several
hijs. t iitcuitiuti Cumuuireial O'azUte.
1 CHARMING COMO.
1 Tim ChnrnrtcrMlr unit S it rrn until tig of
Italy'. Mint llvnnlir.il J.uke.
More than two-thirds of the beautiful
villas on Lake Como are owned by En
rlish people, who come down through
Switzerland and Prance between the
1st and loth of August, and remain
intil the end of October, usually. The
nost magnificent, though by no means
lie most charming villa on the lake is
the property of the Viscountess Mudro
l, and w;is formerly the summer home
of the Countess Raimondi, the daugh
ter of Garibaldi. It is a large wh"'e
marble building, with three great doors
in front over which hang heavy can
vas curtains at present, and before
which thu family congregate about live
o'clock in the afternoon to take some
light refreshments and chat until din
tier time. The grounds are extremely
beautiful, bring wild and woody in
parts, with quaint grottos and curious
fountains here and there, and the lawns
dotted with immense magnolia and
lemon trees. A great gilt crown sur
mounts th center pinaele, and on the
iron gate is written the word " l'Or
man," the name of the place. The
lodges, one at each end of the grounds,
are also of white marble. The Vis
countess entertains a great deal, giving
many dinners, lawn parties, fancy balls,
etc. Just above, on the mountain side,
is the lovely country palace of Monsieur
and Mine. Capada, who were both
famous singers here in Italy, some ten
years ago.
. Further up on the lake are the old
villas of Taglioni and Vasta, where
these celebrities once lived. A little
farther on is a beautiful island, former
ly fortified, which played an important
part in the military annals of the Mid
dle Ages. Charming ruins and a few
modern houses cover a portion of it
now, but the old guide still shows you
shadowy looking eaves that the spirits
of the thousand witches burned in Co
mo in Jo'-'t are said to haunt contin
ually, and on the highest promontory
of the little isle stands a rickety bell
tower among the azalia and camelia
bushes, and there, every May day, goes
a young peasant lad of tho vicinity to
ring the bell and call all the young men
and maidens within hearing together,
that, from among them he may choose
the maid he loves best to be his bride.
Tho custom is very old ami very regu
larly observed in the lake districts, and
no spot could be more fitting assuredly
than that on the beautiful IMaud of
Comacino. At the upper end of the
lake are the two beautiful resorts of
ISellagio and Cadenabbie. Charming
balconies from hotels, restaurants and
villas hang over the water's edge, and
the view in every direction is enchant
ing. At Rollagia tho tourist may pur
chase the silk blankets and scarfs
of rich Hoinan colors. or the
lace that the little, girls make,
sitting in front of tho houses on the
narrow streets; also tho tiny wooden
shoes of the Italian peasant girls. At
Cadenabbie is the famous Villa Cotta,
the property of the Duchess of Saxe
nieiningen. The terraced gardens are
beautiful beyond description, and Hie
tiny landing place (steps and break
water all of white marble) is one of the
prettiest on the lake. In the great hall
of the house is Thorwaldson's friiv.e,
representing Alexander's triumph.
Several works of Canova are there also.
First, and always first for beauty and
grace among the great works of the
sculptor is his "Cupid and Psyche,"
The combined power and airy lightness
of design seem almost to endow the
marble with life, and one half expects
to seo the two exquisite, figures' move
and fly away, or step from their cold,
black pedestal into the light and sun
shine to rest with the butterflies among
the flowers. There are but two or three
places of any historic interest on Lake
Como, anil of these tho town of Como
itself is the chief.
On the top of a hill, which forms the
background of the town, stands a most
picturesque ivy-covered old tower. Not
a window, crack or crevice breaks the
stretch of stone from top to bottom, and
its curious construction almost tells its
enud history.
Sometime in the fifteenth century a
Duke of Como loved a beautiful Vero
nese lady, who, however, preferred a
young lord of her native city. Tin.
Duke, infuriated at the rejection of hit
suit, vowed vengeance upon the luckless
lover, and added the tower mentioned
above to his splendid castle. Then he
waited, like all evil spirits in legends,
until just before the marriage of tho
happy pair, when ho took the young
man "prisoner one night, and bearing
him to his own domain, lowered him
with rones into the dark round tower.
There ho left him, and the third night
after, so tho story goes, tho peasants
in tho neighborhood saw a white dove
fly from the tower and bear straight to
Heaven a human heart; and to this day
the old Castle Haradelia (such it is
called) is tho favorite haunt of doves,
and no good peasantover kills one with
out breathing an Avo Alarm or de
voutly crossing himself. At the north
ern end of the lake is a ruined castle of
the thirteenth century, a few yards from
. . , .1 .. .. 1 I !.... .1...
WHICH mere is U niciwy pans uuiiiiu; wu
peculiar appell ition, "Orange Juice."
In 1799, when the Russians were invad
ing tho territory, several hundred
pushed up to this castle of Ilezzonico
and wore surprised and overjiowored
by the Italians, who Hung them to tho
Inst one down the dreadful gorge. Not
a Russian escaped alive. Cor. Omaha
Ike.
Ex-Ciovornor Cm-tin, of Pennsyl
vania, has recently had an operation
performed on his right oyo, which had
boon sightless for twenty years. Tho
sight was instantly restored. Philadel
phia Press.
Gypsy grandams.
Accd retirle Win Constitute, the lte-lly
Witching Purt of the ltom:iny People.
At nearly every tout-mouth or in
nearly every wagon-front you will see
one or more of the old spae-wives of
the camp. Those are the Gypsy grand
ams. They are tall and strong, though
wrinkled and giewsome. If away pant
fourscore years of age. they havo their
own teeth, are wonderful on their legs
and in their faculties, and are living
lesson of the healthfulness of out-door
life. They are not put aside as we do
our own old folk. They are the seers,
the prophetesses, tho . advisers, the
strong, safe reserve influence in all the
important affairs of the race. Many
and many I know well, though they are
hard to know. Hut they will not dis
close like the younger growth, and you
have to battle your way bravely and
with valiant persistency to reach their
inner lives. With their shrill, keen
voices; their coarse, gray hair, which
never becomes fairly white; their Hat.
brown, ever-open breasts, liko rugged
studies in bronze; their quick,
swinging and seemingly fierce gait,
suggesting unchanging power; their
long, skinny arms and legs, half shown
to the knee, and their eyes, undiinmed
to their dying day though never know
ing shade from the sun other than that
of the tree or tent they arc the really
witching part of the Romany people;
and as you study them by the camp
tires there, though you are impressed
with the respect and even tenderness
wll yield them, you can for the first
time rightly understand how "Lanca
shire Witches" came to be written, and
how true a type Scott's Meg Meruilies
may have been. These old spae-wives
never labor. They unceasingly putter.
They jwko the tires when they need no
poking. They fuss with the cooking
meals at all sorts of inopportune mo
ments. They quarrel with the tinkers,
who yelp back tit them till sorts of re
spectful badinage. They beat tho dogs
unmercifully for no offense, for no
human ever saw a Gypsy dog commit
an impropriety. They berate sons and
grandsons for alleged unsatisfactory
dickering, and garrulousy insist that
the world shall be made more and more
the Gypsy's prey. They awake as from
an o'er-long dream and assault the
horses and mules, which tremble and
crouch as before a tempest They
charge upon roistering children, who
scatter to cover and solid back mock
pleadings or uncanny laughter from
their safe retreats. They are ever
sleeping, yet never asleep; and the
breaking of a twig or the rustling of
leaves at night will bring these ghoutly
and fearless old souls to their feet in
the middle of the cam) before the alert
cst of the men have awakened. They
are bright, brave relics of a time when
life to the Gypsy was one of eternal
dread; and they would not quite be
happy in the new life that has come to
them could they not entertain the belief
in their active but utterly useless exist
ences that their own owlish alertness
each day and night kept tho old bing
(devil) himself from utterly annihilat
ing every soul in the camp. And
indeed would the devil himself lie a
valiant fellow wore he bold enough to
meddle with any folk thus sentineled
by women.
Here and there are seen very old
men tinkering about wagons, mend
ing harness, bringing dry branches,
and piling them by the tents, or gather
ing (lead limbs from the deeper forests
for the common "woodpile" to which
all members of the camp sometimes
bring bits and pieces and branches,
going over anil over the horses liko the
skillful veterinarians they are, bringing
water from the stream for cooking and
washing purposes, and doing innumera
ble odd jobs and chores naturally neces
sary from camp life; yet still doing
every thing in that easy, plenty-of-tinie
way which gives all the people of the
place an air of content and vagabondism
no pen can fully describe. These old
men are the silent shadow' presences
of the land. You will not hear one of
them speak half a dozen times a day.
The queer,, halting Oypsy dogs follow
silently about at a respectful distance
from their heels as dumb and expres
sionless as themselves. Hut those old
men all help round out the picture, ami
while they are far less noisy than tho
fussy and querulous old spae-wives of
the band, they are nevertheless faithful
and constant in whatever falls to their
lot to seo done or to do. Kdgar L.
Wakcmun, in Chieaqo News.
A Neat Apology.
There was a brilliant party at the res
idence of 0110 of the most prominent
State olhcials at Austin, Tex. Of course,
there was dancing and music. Hostet
ter McGinnisand Miss Esmeralda Ionir-
cotlin were also present. Neither of
them daneinr. thev were seated on a
sofa, talking, when suddenly Hostotter
nlaced his arm around the waist of Miss
Loiigcoflin and gave it a hearty squeeze.
"What do you mean, sir!" exclaimed
'ho indignant maiden. '
There is no harm in it. I can't dance
and I don't see why those gentlemen on
the floor can hug the ladies and I do
not, too."
Tho apology was accepted. Texas
Biflings.
A Holyoke (Mass.) thread manu
facturer has received from heeds a largo
skein of black silk which has lain in n,
pond since the Mill River disaster,
which wrecked his mill, with others, in
1871. This souvenir of tho flood was
found September 5, and although it has
lain in the pond twelve years the silk
retains its color, has a good glos, and
the thread is strong, which shows the
almost indoktructible nature of the ma
terial, liotlon Journal
THE ARAB'S HORSE.
The Orctt Lore Whli'h Kmtern reople
Ktitertnln Tor the Noble. Autiniit.
In the East the horse is a far more
precious possession than it is with us. 1
am not speaking, however, of its money
value, but of the love tho Eatern peo
ple entertain for the animal. Tho praises
which an Arab lavishes on his horse are
genuine and from the heart, a contrast
in every way to the perfunctory culo
giums which a home lover of the. horse
r a horse dealer pronounces on his
wares. Proof of this will bo found in
the "Romance of Auar," with reference
to Jirwet, Shedad's mare, a paragon,
that could not be matched, a horse that
wa priceless even to the bid of Kings.
"Seek not to purchase Jirwet." said
Shedad, "for Jirwet will never bo sold;
ask not to borrow her, for Jirwet can
not be lent no, not if I were offered
strings of camels in return and on their
backs loads of merchandise. Jirwet can
fly without wings, and sho tears up the
sands of the desert; in her bound along
the earth she is a living glory, and she
carries me on her back as if I were a
growth of her own flesh." Other still
more romantic stories and sayings tire
extant of the. love of tho Arab for his
horse. Some who have sold a favorite
steed for a great sum have given even
more money to get it back again. A
writer of "A Summer Ramble in the
Ea'st" 1 think that is the title of the
book, but 1 am not quite sure describes
tlie fondness of the Arab for his horse
in the following words: "A great
ruffian was mounted on a white mare
of great beaut'. Having asked her
price. 1 offered tho sum. The Arab said
lie loved his mare better than his own
life, that money was of no use to him,
but that mounted on her ho felt as
a Pasha. Shoes and stockings ho had
none, and the net value of the accoutre
ments and dress might be calculated at
something less thai: seventeen pence
.sterling." In the E 1st the horse is oven
more btdoved and protected he is, in a
sense, an object of worship as well; at
all events, in tho African deserts the
animal has been even regarded with
both political and religious reverence.
Mohammed helped, from policy, to
make the horse of the East what he has
always been up to the present day, an
object, of adoration ami love. It was
Mohammed who instilled in tho people
that love for line women and fast-going
horses that still exists. Tho long-her.ded
Prophet of Mecca decreed tho future of
the horse. As Abd-cl-Kador observes:
"The Prophet was so adroit as to con
trive that horses and houi'is should be
come potent instruments of religion, as
well ius of political ambition. In tho
days of paganism they loved tho animal
from motives of interest but when
Mohammed praised it so warmly their
instinctive love becamo also a religious
duty."
The Arabs, as is well known, enter
tain extravagant ideas as to tho origin
of their horses, tracing their genealo
gies back to the days of Solomon, a
King of the grand old stamp, who kept
a stud of 40,000 horses and employed
12,000 horsemen. That King Solomon's
horses would be well looked after is
certain, because, among many other
fine precepts to which he gave utterance,
wo find one which tells us that "a
righteous man caret h much for his
boast," and Solomon doubtless was one
of the few wise persons who practice
what they preach. There is no proof,
however, of the descent of tho steeds of
the desert from any of the horses which
had stalls in the stable, of the author of
the proverlw and were fed on barloy. It
was Abd-el-Kader, I think, who wrote
an essay to demonstrate, that horses
were created before mankind, anil that
Allah first made, the horse and then the
mare, "the Divine power always creat
ing the noblest first." It was doubtless
from Egypt that tho Arabs first of all
got their horses; it w;is from Egypt that
Solomon filled his stalls: "And they
fetched up and brought forth out of
Egypt a chariot for fiOO shekels of silver
anil a horse for 150; and so brought
they out horses for all the Kings of the
Ilittites and for the Kings of Syria
by their means." The Arabs them
selves believe their chestnuts to bo the
fleetest, tho bay the most enduring,
while the black they know to be the
mostspirited. A piebald horse no Arab
will look at, and an animal with white
marks on his legs was denounced by tho
Prophet, who ordered it to bo held in
abhorrence. liailcts Monthly.
FOR EGG-EATERS.
nn Fruit Sent tnOlty MurkeU Which
Hiivo Ueeii Used 111 Incuhutors.
"I want a dozen eggs, but I want
eggs as is eggs, and not none o' them
as has bin iucurberated."
That was the way a litMe old woman
made her wants known in a Second
avenue grocery store tho other morn
ing, luul a reporter wlfo was by, asked
her what she meant by "ineurberated
eggs," and wits surprised at her an
swer. "Well, my boy James lives up to
West Schuyler in Herkimer County.
He's got quite a smart place up thero
and raises chickens. That is ho chucks
a lot of eggs into kind of a box, turns
on tho gas, puts, a thermometer into the
box 'long with the eggs, and then waits
for 'em to hatch. The eggs, though,
that he puts in the box are all examined
first He buys 'em from farmers and
puts 'em in the box, which he calls an
incurberator. If after boin' in this in
curborator awhile them eggs don't show
they are fertile ho takes 'em out of the
box and sends 'em to market Now,
them eggs I don'.t want for I don't be
lieve they are good for nothin'."
Inquiries dovoJopod the fact that the
old woman was right, and that many
eggs tout to market have been tested in
incubators before tliey arc shipped and
been found lacking iu fertility. N. Y.
Mail and Jirprcss.
DUNDER'S SAYINGS.
rentonlo Wlsihnv In u Highly Condensed
ami Piihitiihle 1'orm.
Maype it Iiiis a lectio i range dot
person in poor health vhas an inlidcl.
No man vhas so great or good dot
he ean kick soniopody's dog and not
make an enemy.
Gratitude means dot we feel tickled
so long as we arc getting soineth'ng for
nothing. When it vhas tier odder fel
ler's turn wo kick.
Much dot tier world readily accepts
as wisdom vhas only asMirance mit a
sheap coat of plating.
If tier world owes anybody a living
it vhas dcr man who works tier hard
est Might should make right, but it vhn
better to loose vour case dan to engajri
or
in a kicking match mit a mule.
While we liko to sec our neighbor get
along und prosper, it vhas pretty hardt
to forgif dor aunt who dies und leafs
him a legacy.
If we can pass a punched quarter oil
on a street-car conductor dis world vhas
full of honest men. If dot conductor
sticks us mit a lead nickel we 110 longer
haf confidence in anv man's integrity.
If some poor man dies tier question
vhas: "Vhen shall he be buried?" If
some rich man dies eaferybody asks:
"Can dey proke his will?"
If you like to see how generous a man
really vhas, elect him to some place
where he can vote avhay oTlder people's
money.
If you like to keep your friends, keep
your money where dey can't get it.
Dor man who borrows of you und can't
pay feels dot you haf wronged him.
1 like to seo some boy enjoy himself
all ho can, but if ho vhas proaking my
windows instead of iny neighbor's dot
vhas deeferant.
Dor man who figures dot dis world
vhas created simply to gif him a shance
to lif vhas shencrally buried mit a very
short funeral procession.
Vhen it man vhas at dor bottom of r.
well it vhas very kindt in sonicpody to
advise him to look oop.
It vhas potter dot you doan' sing
your own praises. When sonicpody
else sings for you it gifs you a shance
to blush.
Dor man who is loudest in his pity
for dor poverty of others gets off dcr
shcapest Der market vhas so over
stocked mit pity dot der price vhas very
low. Detroit Free Press.
MONOTONOUS SPELLING.
Two Very Cooil Anecdotes In ICeard to
lumen ltiiMsoll Lowell.
T. W. Higginson is credited with
telling a racy anecdote in regard to
James Russell Lowell. According to
Mr. Higginson, one of the Adirondack
guides expresses the opinion that Mr.
Lowell is "an ignorant cuss," and
backs up the characterization with this
bill of particulars:
"Well, I was out with him in a canoe,
and we were going down stream with
the current und making lirst-rato time,
and ho didn't know any better than to
insist that wo should go over to the
ither side of the stream just to get in
the shade of the bank out of tho sun;
iiul wo didn't get ahead at all. Now
I call a man that don't know enough to
take advantage of the current iu a
canoe a blamed ignoramus."
This same critical Adirondack guide,
or 0110 of his professional brethren, fig
ures iu another story, which is also told
at the expense of Mr. Lowell's intel
ligence. Said the guide iu question to
:i gentleman whom ho met in the woods
md who mentioned that he came from
Huston:
"Do you know Lowell?"
"What's his first name?"
"Jim."
"Do you refer to James Russell
Lowell, the poet?"
"Yes, that's him."
"Oil, yes, I know Mr. Lowell very
well, and ndinire him greatly."
"Well, I took to him, too, but with
regret in his touo lie's got one mighty
sing'lar habit"
"To what, do you refer?"
"Well, he's written mo several let
ters, oil' and on, when he's been coniin'
ii here, mid he's a monotonous
speller."
"A what?"
"A monotonous speller. I'vo always
noticed that in his letters to me Lowell
spells his words the .same way ev'ry
time I never do." Chicago Tribune.
Willie Took the Hint.
WillioA ami Maggie H-
been busy courting for two
-- had
years,
meeting regularly every Wednesday
night iu Hope street, Glasgow. Aliout
a fortnight ago Willie, iu parting with
his beloved, made the usuar remark:
"I'll meet you in Hope street next
Wednesday night Mind and bo
punctual."
-Deed uy, Willio, lad," replied Meg,
wi' a merry twinkle in her e'e," wo hue
met a lang time 1100 in Hope strcet.and
I wis jist that it was nigh time we
were shifting our trysting place further
alang. What wad you say to Union,
street!" Willie has taken the hint ami
invitations are out Scottish American.
Something to Remember.
A mother had reproved her little girl
for being so clumsy as to drop a dish,
nd tho little girl, after a thoughtful
ilenee, said:
"Miimma, can you write with your
left hand?"
"I crtuld if I wore left-handed, but
I'm not."
"Well," Raid tho little girl, "I guess
little children are loft-handud all over."
-AJ' Sun.
Tho Gorman newspapers toll their
readers that Franco is ordering project
iles containing a substance which makes
blood-poisoning the reaiiltof any wound
recti veil ficiu them.
1
The Kffeet of Olil .MhIiU on the Appear
mire of the Kngllth People.
"Do you know, sir," inquired an
American tourist of his companion
while doing England, "the reason for
tho fresh, healthful appearance of tho
English people? Their complexion is
far superior to ours, or our countrymen
over tlie herring pond."
"Well. I know what Prof. 'Uxley
says."
"And what reason does ho advance?"
"Well. 'Uxley says it is all h'owing'
to the h'old maids."
"Owing to old maids! You surpruo
mo!"
"Fact 'Uxley figures it out in this
way: Now you know tlie H'inglish are
very fond of roast beef?"
"Hut whu has that to do with old
maids?"
"Go slow. This genuine II inglish
beef is tho best and most nutritious beef
iu tho world, and it h'impart3 a beauti
ful complexion!" '
"Well, about tho old maids?"
"Yes; you see the h'cxcellenco of
this H'inglish beef is due h'exelusivcly
to rod clover. Do you'see the point?"
"All but tlie old maids. They are not
in sight as far as I can sec," replied tho
American, with a sigh.
"Why, don't you sec? This red clover
is h'enriched, sweetened and fructified
by bumble bees."
"Hut where do tho old maids come
in?" said tho inquisitive American,
wiping his brow wearily.
"Why, it is as plain as the nose on
your face. The h'only h'enemy of tho
bumble bee is tho field mouse, which
undermines and robs their nest"
"Hut what have roast heef, red clover,
bumble boos and field mice got to tlo
with old maids?"
"Why, you must bo very h'obtuso.'
Don't you perceive thatthn bumble bees
would soon bo h'exterminatcd by tho
field mice if it were not for " ,
"Old maids!" ,
"No, if it wero not for cats; and tho
h'old maids of h'old H'inglaud keep the
country thoroughly stocked up with
cats, and so wo can directly trace tho
h'elfcct of tho rosy II' inglish com
plexions to the benign cause of H'inglish
h'old maids; at least, that's what 'Uxley
says, and that's just whero tho h'old
maids come li'in. Scionco makes clear
many mysterious things, my H'ainori
cau friend." Texas Siftinqs.
i
MEXICAN WINDOWS.
Tho System of "Honklnc" Practiced by
the Petty Thluvoit of .Mexico.
Mexicans seem to entertain the idea
that windows wero made to look in at
;us well as to look out of, and it is a
matter of daily occurrenco for men,
women and children of tho gamin order,
including peddlers and professional
beggars, to congregate outsido tho bars
and stand calmly staring in at us by
the hour. The first sight of these barred
windows strikes the stranger in Mexico
rather, unpleasantly, and ho is apt to
fancy himself in prison 'behind them
with his iron bedstead and brick floor
accessories. In time, howovor, ho real
izes n'ot only tho convenience but the
necessity of them, and by and by feels
an uneasy sense of insecurity if by soma
rare chance he finds himself not thus
protected. Tho greater portion of
Mexico is a land of norpotual summer,
where windows must lie open both night
and day, and these gratings can not Ikj
"picked" like locks or noiselessly cut
like panes of glass. Hut though ono
may sleep hero in perfect Security with
out closing a shutter, it is well to movo
one's effects from proximity to tho win
dowsfor tho ladrones havo a habit of
throwing in ropes with hooks attached
and dexterously drawing out even your
garments from which practico, per
haps, originated the Texan slang word
"hooking" for stealing. It is only
justice to add that thero is far less
thieving going on in Mexico, in propor
tion to population, than in our own
country, especially among the poorer
classes. I venture to assort that with
all your spring bolts and careful pre
cautions to bring in even tho door-mats
at nightfall thero is more stealing done
in any northern city in a single day
than in all Mexico iu a year's time.
A GREAT INVENTION.
It Successful It Will Revolutionize the
Oul-Mliilni; llusliiess.
A coal-miner near Pittsburgh, Pa.r
has secured a patent on a coal-mining
machine which is expected to revolu
tionize tho coal-mining business. Tho
maehiuo consists in the operation of 0110
or more circular saws, or disks, fitted
upon ono on moro shafts. Tho whole is
worked by moans of a very small rotary
engine, set upon a frame, which is
placed on wheels, so that tho minor cm
move it whenever ho likes witli ease.
Tho machine is put in motion by com
pressed air or steam, or'elso it can bo
worked by hand-power. As soon as tho
power is turned on the siwvs commencu
to revolve and will bo forced gradually
into and along the wall of the coal-vein.
It will mako an undercut of four and
half to six feet, as required, saving all
the coal which was hitherto lost by tho
use of the pick. It weighs less than
two hundred pounds, and can bo ma
nipulated by ono man. Fifty tons a
day can be easily mined. A saving of,
twenty per cent will bo realized by tho
mine-owner, as there will bo no waste,
while tho minor will augment his daily
earnings by at least doublo tho amount
without half the exertion ho has now.
Tho working of the machine does not
require any skill or practico in tho
handling of it While, by tho use of
the pick, tho minors make now a great
deal of waste, the saws of the maehiuo
by striking straight into the vein of coal
will cut solid blocks out of tho vein anil
mako every particle of tho vein market
ublo coal. Chicago Times.
JINGO SCIENCE.