0z
THE INDEPENDENT
IS ISSUED
Saturday 3Iorntngs9
BY THE
DOUGLAS COUNTY PUBLISHING CO.
THE INDEPENDENT
- . HAS THE
FINEST JOE OFFICE
151 DOUGLAS COUNTY.
CURDS, BILL IIJCADS, LEGAL BLAXKS
And other printing, Including
Large and Heavy Posters and Showy
Hand-Bills.
.Neatly and expeditiously executed
pa
TT TTil T YlTiTil
um
HUM
... 00
... & oo
Tlire Mouiiso....
These re the term for those paying la advance.
The Ikdwksdkst offer fine inducements to ad
tci Users. Terms reasonable.
vol r.
ROEBURG, OREGON, SATURDAY, MARCH 3, 1883.
NO. 47.
WW?
inminrenm?
l r I I'nlVl
;3H: J . J ASIC U LEtt
: PRACTICAL
WATCHMAKER, JEWELER, AND
OFIICIAN.
ALL WORK WARRANTED.
ita TValctiea. Clacks, Jewelry,
Dealer
Spectacle md Eyeglaaara,
And a Full Line of
Cigars, Tobacccs and Fancy Goods.
The only reliable Optometer in town for the
proper adjustment of rpeciaclea ; always on band.
Depot of the Genuine Brazilian Pebble Spectacles-
and Eyeglasses.
OFFICE First door aontn of post office, Roae
burg Oregon. - ------ - - -
DR. M. W. DAVIS,
DENTIST,
ROSEBURG, OREGON.
OFFICE-OS JACKsOS STREET,
CPKWITE THE P0SICFF2CK.
IVlAHOnEY'S SALOON
Nearest to the Itailroed Depot, Oaklan-i
- Jas. Muhouey, Prop'r.
,1 -
The finest of wines, liquor and cigars in Do$
las county, and the beat
23I1L,3L,IA.KT TADLiB
la the State kept in proper repairs
fartlea traveling on the railroad will find thia
place Terj handy to visit daring the stop
ping of the train at the Oak
land Depot. GiTe me a call.
JAo. HAnONEY.
JOHN F;RA8ER
tT TUP. UuMMa'iaaa.
ilOmS M&&6 I Uinil UlG,
WILBUR,
OREGON.
Upholstery, Spring Mattrasses, ' Etc.,
Constantly on hand.
rilPMITIIPC I have the bent stoeVof
rUnitllUnd. furniture aoutli of Portland
And all of niv own manufacture.
No two Prices to Customers
Residents of Douglas county are requested to
rive tne a call before purchasing elsewhere.
'
ALL WORK WARRANTED.
DEPOT HOTEL
4A1LLAND,
OREUOX.
Richard Thomas, Prop'r.
rpHIS HOTEL HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED
A fort number oi years; and has become very
popular with the trareling public. Firat-claaa
SLEEPING ACCOMMODATIONS.
And the table supplied with the best tbe market
affords. HoUil at the depot of the HaiJroad.
WJf AVIKQ ON HAND A LARGE LOT OF FINE
Spanish Merino
.BUCKS' :
I offer the tame for sate. Cheap for Cash, at my
Farm In Douglas county, six miles from Roseburg
kENRY CONN, Sr.
Hi Ci STANTON,
- - . Dealer in
Staple Dry Goods!
Keeps constantly on hand
incut of
a general assort-
EXTRA FINE GROCERIES,
wood, -.willow'-. akd ulasswauf,
ALSO
Crockery and Cordage
A full stock of
SCHOOL
BOO liS
Such as required by the Public County Schools,
All kluda of VSTATIOXKHT, TOYS and
FANCV
AHTIOLES,
Young and OKI.
To suit both
BUYS AND SELL3 LEGAL TENDERS,
furnifhes Checks on Portland, and procures
Drafts on San Francisco.
SEEDS '!;' SEEDS !
SUBS !
ALL 1US Mm? ftlUlTY
ALL 1C DVZYZ H
l'romptly attended to nnd Goods nhipDed
with care.
Address. Ilacheney & Reno,
Portland. Oregor.
Notice.
Notice is hereby given, to whom it .nay concern, that
th utklr!?r:-il" hss been awarded the contract lor
kceointf th Dom Jas county Pauper for tne period of
two year. All prm8 hi need of aistnce irom aw
county must fSrat procure a certiflote tOf that effect
from ativ mt-mlivr of the County Board, and present It
to one of tlm folloainif named persons, who are author
led to; and will cure 'or those pieKentiog such cerUft'ate
W. I- Button, Roseburg ; L. L, KeUoifff, OaVland; Mra
Urown, Looking Ulaa. Ir. Sctovk U authorUad to
Jurniah medical aid to att parsona i need of the same
ho have been declared paupers of Douglas county.
WL k CLARKE, hupt. of Poor.
Rnaiipaa. Or. Feb. 15. IPSO
Thesteamship Moro Castle was totally
destroTed by firo at Charleston, S. C,
Feb. 21st. She was the property of the
Clyde line. .
The tariff bill passed the senate on Feb.
-20th, by a vote of 42 to 19-Mitchell, of
1 Pennsylvania, being the only republican
who voted against it.
Frank B. Hoff, a well known lawyer of
Kansas City, Mo., is missing since Jan.
22d. It is stated he is short $15,000 on
? collections aud has absconded.
WlMfittaalitfybaiaaJt
LxVTEST NE1VS SUMMAltY.
BT TELEOBAPH TO DATE.
In the house a bill was passed creating
three additional land districts to Dakota.
A subscription has; been opened in
Berlin for the American sufferers by the
recent floods. j
Daniel Evans, a planter, was killed by
Butler, a negro employe, at Tallulah,
Mich., on the 22d ult.
Hamburg, by a vote jof 184 to 13 of the
house of burgesses, hat e decided to bo
united with the Uerman customs union.
It is said the French!
gascar station has been
admiral at Mada
ordered to sup-
press any attempts to resist the rights of
France on tbe island. L
C- B. Richards & Cel., of New
York?
have transmitted to Europe aid for -suf
ferers by tbe Rhine inundations to the
amount of $112,174. (
Nine miles south of jMemphis. Tenn.,
Feb. 21st., an aged colored couple by the
name of Townsend were shot by a man
named Hill. The murderer is supposed
to be half witted.
Com. Gorringe, who is best known in
connection with the j removal of the
Egyptian obelisk to New York, resigned
from the navy. The reason assigned is
a difficulty between Gorringe and the
secretary of war. j
Washington's birthday was observed at
New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Chi
cago and other eastern! cities, San Fran
cisco and many Pacific coast towns, as
well as by our ministers in London and
Berlin. j
Negotiations are in progress to consoli
date.the New York petroleum exchange
and the national petroleum exchange.
The proposition was broached some time
aSQ bu not until within tne: past few
days has actual measures been taken.
The London daily -News says: Parnell
ities are greatly dissatisfied with Parnell's
intention to move an amendment to the
address in reply to a j speech from the
throne arraigning the ;executive of Ire
land for the administration of crimes.
A Cincinnati dispatch of Feb. 22d says:
A section of McLean avenue, seventy-five
feet long, slipped into the water at Court
street this morning, letting down the
Southern railway track and cutting off
communication with both the passenger
and freight depots. It happened shortly
before the arrival of the incoming train.
Secretary Chandler jreceived the fol
lowing telegram from Jas. J. Kerrett,
commanding the United States steamer
Richmond, dated Hong Kong, Feb. 21;
The Ashuelot is a total loss on Lameck
Island. Eleven enlisted men were lost.
The remainder are now on the Rich
mond'' I
The Congregational Clerical Union,
consisting of more than 50 Congregational
ministers of New 1'Ork city and vicinity,
have unanimously adopted a resolution
protestinor against thei
unutterable out
rage of a proposed
"Passion Play" and
exhibition of the
approving Mayor
Edson's course concerning it.
The executive committees of trunk
lines and managers of ; western roads for
mulated an agreement Feb. 22d, pledging
themselves to maintain rates, refuse to
accept through bills! from connecting
roads found guilty of cutting, and to
discharge any employe making a cut rate
or giving rebate. j
A Threshers Corners, Ont., disxiatch of
Feb. 21st says: During a political meet
ing the floor gave way and one man was
killed and the following injured: Thos.
Kelly, leg broken; S. M. Palmer, leg
broken; Mr. Lawrence, cut head; W. C.
Thompson, seriously hurt; W. H. Wil
burn, shoulder dislocated; John Hasker,
seriously injured. j
A Tucson dispatch bf Feb. 22d says:
Great excitement prevails here over a re
markable silver discovery 20 miles south
of this place, in the Panta Risto moun
tains. The ore crevice is 100 feet wide
and over a mile longj and the average
value of the ore is S275 per ton. The
ore is sulphates and also extensive rich
sand. Half a million is estimated to be
in sight. J
A serious row occurred among the
members of a gypsies camp in Oakland,
Cal., Feb. 22.1. Daring a discussion a
gypsy named Palmer j called another of
the tribe named Gallagher a fool, and
the men agreed to fight it out on a wager
of $2 50 a side. Gallagher was severely
thrashed, and his backer, maddened at
the loss of the stakes,;turned in and com
menced to beat his recent protege. Others
of the party interfered, a knife was
drawn bv the irate backer, who cut all
present slightly and j Palmer seriously.
The ! party then letreatd, while fresh
arrivals opened a fusillade on the retiring
members of the bandj
Z Application has been made to the sup
ervisors or San Frandisco by J, Divoli
and William D. Loig, representing a
proposed water company, for a franchise.
They propose bringiilg water from the
Tuolumne rive, thrqugh several coun
ties in the state, along the lino to San
Francisco. The petition states there is an
abundance of water for domestic and
public uses, and (hat in the event of their
application for a franchise being granted,
they would guarantee to bring water
enough into the city in five years to sup
ply every demand, j They have also
drafted an ordinance which they want
passed, granting franchise, and agreeing
to furnish the city with water free of
harge. . , - .
An immense sensation has been created
in Canada by an English adventurer,
representing him self; as the Bight Hon
orable Earl of Cantyre, Cantyre Castle
(but whose real name is John George
Bruce Allen, son of a Church of England
clergyman,) by marrying a dominion
heiress by the name of Chaffey, only
daughter of John IChaffey, a wealthy
lumber merchant of Perth, Canada. The
adventurer was well supplied with money,
and lavish therewith!, and succeeded in
having the nuptials secretly tied at Mon
treal by a Methodist! clergyman during
the ice carnival in that city. As soon as
the affair became known Lord Lome was
telegraphed to about tbe pretended earl,
who replied that no such name or house
existed under the English peerage, and
the party must be aj swindler. As the
ceremony was performed under gross
misrepresentation, the Dominion gov
ernment through her courts can declare
the marriage yoid.
The ship channel charter has passed
the Florida assembly.
A telescopic comet has been discov
ered in constellation Pegasus.
In the Danube conference Russia
ao-
cepts Granville's compromise.
Senator Dolph, of Oregon, arrived
at
Washington on Feb, 25th.
Thos. Fitzpatrick, arrested as a Phoenix
Park, Dublin, assassin, was discharged,
Ship carpenters and house painters at
Philadelphia demand an increase of
wages.
The New England Divorce Reform
League is arranging a public meeting to
V
beheld at New Haven. ;
Carey, the informer, says that he wrote
a letter of sympathy to JMisa Burkff, after
the murder pf her brother. - i :
The labors 6f the conference commit
tee, to regulate the municipal finances of
San Francisco, are about completed.
Hamburg merchants fear retaliation
on the part of th$ United States owing to
prevention of importation of American
pork. r
It is reported that Senator Miller will
recommend the appointment of ex-Senator
Thorpe as pension agent for San
Francisco.
The Western Union Telegraph com
pany promises to give Brooks' under
ground electrical conduct system ah effec
tive trial.
Emigration from North Carolina to
Arkansas has grown to such proportions
that the legislature has been urged to
apply remedial measures.
Gov. Butler, in appointing the annual
fast day for Massachusetts, exhorts min
isters of the gospel not to discourse upon
political topics but to preach the divine
word.
The Ohio at Louisville is rapidly fall
ing; at Peoria it is within four and one
half feet of the high water point of 1849,
and at Cairo it is slowly falling and no
danger expected there. '
It is learned on good authority at
Washington that Senator Davis, pro tern
of the senate, will resign on March 3d,
in time to allow his successor to be
elected without an extra session.
The Augustine Society, a Roman Cath
olic banking institution, at Lawrence,
Mass., failed, and its depositors, mostly
of whom are females employed in the
factories, lose their hard earned saving?.
A boiler in Banhegen'a brewery, St.
Paul, exploded Feb. 22d, wounding
eleven persons, but one fatally. Among
them were five wonien, who were" after
malt. Th$ loss is between 15,000 and
$20,000. t
Mrs. Carey K an informer of the Cavendish-Burke
affair, is being boycotted;
not one of her tenants paying the rent
due her, and notices posted on the doors
of tenants warning them not to pay rent
to the "cursed informer."
Manuel Lenhart, of Newago, Mich.,
cnarged witn tne murder ox old man
Bald man, a few weeks since, was found
dead in jail Feb. 22d. There was a dance
near by the night before, and it is sup
posed tnat Juennart mistook tne noise
f jr preparations for lynching him and
died of fright.
The following was taken from a bottle
picked up the 22d ult. on the beach near
Cole Soring, Cape May: "February G,
1883. Steamer Eleanor, latitude 37 dear.
36 min., longitude 73 deg. 17 min., is
leaking. Cannot keep the vessel afloat
a -w t
tin morning, unless; assistance comes
we are lost. God have mercy on us
(Signed) Bellaire." i
A New York dispatch of Feb. 25th says
The steamer Republic from Liverpool
on Feb. 16th met the steamer Glamorgan.
a complete wreck. She encountered severe
gales, and when the Republic came to
her relief was about sinking A smal
boat from the Republic rescued the re
maining passengers and crew, eleven o
the ill-fated vessel being drowned.
xne JMew xorK .Evening irost says
There. is another alarm concerning the
prospects of silver coinage. At the rate
of going on it will have reached $120,000,
000 by the close of the year. No proba
bility exists of congress reaching a vote
on any pending bill or resolution on the
subject. Among all the clouds hanging
over national prosperity, nothing is so
alarming to our business men as the
anomalous silver coinage question. It
is of more immediate importance than
the tariff question, yet it has not received
one hour's discussion in either branch of
congress during the present session.
A dispatch from East Tawas, Mich.,
Feb. 23d -says: A rumor from a logging
camp says two men got into a dispute
over a trial as to whose team could haul
the heaviest load. After the trial, the
one whose team was victorious walked
into the cabin and sat down. The de
feated one came behind, and with one
blow of an ax severed the head from the
body. The head rolled to ihe floor, the
eyes winked several times and the mouth
opened. Members of the camp took the
murderer, placed a log and chain around
his neck, and hung him. They placed a
guard around the body to await the ar
rival of tne sheriff. Men came from a
neighboring juamp to take the corpse
down, when a general fight ensued, in
which seven men were killed.
A Jefferson City, Mo., dispatch of Feb.
21th says: The convicts in the peniten
tiary had just returned to the shops from
dinner to-dar, when a preconcerted mu
tiny broke out in the harness shop of
Jacob Strauss & Co. They bound the
foreman of the collar and harness shops
and stripped him of his clothing. - John
B. Johnson, the ringleader, and highway
rob'er under sentence of twelve years,
ran into the department where horse
collars are stuffed, and set a lot of clean
straw on fire. In a moment the building,
with its three shops, and their contents
of harness, collars and whips, were on
fare. Pandemonium now prevailed
When the guards ran in with hose they
were met by convicts, who cut the hose.
junnson maoe an enort to escape, over
the walls, but was captured and put in a
dungeon. . His companions were also
confined in dark cells. . The firo was got
under control. Losses: Strauss & Co.,
$100,000; Gresick boot and shoe com
pany. fc90,000; Mysenburg shoe company.
$30,000; state weaving and state machine
shops, 840,000; Excelsior loom factory,
aj,uuu. Total, witn damage to minor
state buildings, $300,000.
HE AND SHE.
She was sitting at tho window
Ashe passed,
And he wished himself in Hindoo
Stan for fast,
In tbe gutter stuck his shoe,
And straight in the air he flew
All aghast.
lie was sitting in a puddle,
Awful mad,
And his head was in a fuddle
It was sad
While the girl she coldly smiled,
W hile the more his soul it riled.
Crushed lad.
lie was silting at the window
As she fell,
I think it was a.ein, do . ,
You as weli?
He turned not away his head
They were silk, and colored red.
Don't you tell.
A HIUH-CnUttCll STORY.
You all remember the great hubbub
that arose when the Rev. Peter Orricle
set up a confessional in his church of St.
Benedict. There was a correspondence
about it in the papers; the bishop inter
fered, and threatened with legal proceed
mgs. Mr. Urncie dened nis oisnop, out
a mob having broken into the church one
Sunday, and having smashed the confes
sional, Mr. Omcle gave in. He ntted up
an oratory in his house, set up a carved
oak confessional in it ( which had been
presented to him by public subscriptions
among his friends) , and announced that
he would near confessions there. No act
of Parliament could prevent his doing
that. The only person who would have
had any right to object was Mrs. Orriclp,
but at that time there was no Mrs.
Orricle.
Mr. Orricle did not marry Miss IgnA-
ia Stark until some weeks after he had j
reduced his diocesans to silence; and lit
must be owned that if that his lady par i
i&hioners had been aware of his matri
monial intentions, the subscriptions to
ward that new confessional in carved
oak would not have been so abundant as
they were. Mr. Orricle's marriage wis
not" a popular proceeding; it was re
garded in some quarters as being almost
a breach of faith. For had not Mr. Or
ricle often talked through his nose about
the single life being the blessed life?
We are not laughing at him because he
talked through bis nose, for this was an
affirmity of nature: but beyond doubt
his utterances acquired an additional de
gree of solemnity by passing through Ills
nostrils, even as, mere wind becomes
unefui by escaping through an organ
ma 1 1 4 . I
pipe, rue young ladies wno poured tne
stories of their souls torments into the
celibate ears of Mr. Orricle were taken
aback when they heard that he had re
considered his theories about single
blessedness; and each said to herself (in
alarm: "Suppose he should tell ftiy
secrets to that horrid girl, Nassie?"
For about a year alter his marriage.
Mr. Orricle's confessional was deserted.
The fear of Nassie kept penitents at a
distance. There were even some gfrls
who blushed when they met Mrs. Orri
cle. and fancied they could read in her
looks that she knew a great deal abeut
them. But this was not the case. Igna-
tia Orricle, during the first twelve
months of her wedded life, never miide
the remotest allusiou to her husband's
proceedings in the confessional. She
was a quiet young woman, neither pretty
nor plain, with intelligent eyes and de
corous manners quite a pattern clergy
man's wife. Perhaps she had no deisire
to see the confessional employed again.
She herself had only come to it once J be
fore her marriage, and on this occasion
she had casually confessed amongst
other things that she should inherit
1000 a year when her grandmother died.
After her marriage, which followed close
upon this revelation, she had nothing
more to confess; at least, she never
asked her husband to, tell her of jany
clergyman beside himself who kept
comessionai open to ail comers, it is
worth observing, by-the-by, that married
gentlemen who advocate confession sel
dom encourage their wives to go and
confess their domestic troubles to other
members of the cloth. Rev. Peter Orri
cle was no exception to this rule.
But a year after Mr. Orricle's
mar-
riage his wife's grandmother died) and
left Ignatia nothing. From that momen
the vicar of St. Benedict became a jmel
ancholy man, and his life was soured
The parish noticed that there was some
thing wrong, for the vicar began dismal
ly to allude in his sermons to the deceit
fulness of tho flesh, to the blessedness o
monkery, and virgmhood, and once inore
he exhorted bis parishioners to come
and unbosom themselves in his oratory.
f Mr. Orricle had waxed plumpS and
Erospered in mati imony, they - 'Would
ave stayed away, but he was a hand
some man, and doleful looks suited him
well. His nasal laments were also very
touching when he was truly sad. Wo
men are notoriously pitiful; they saw
that Mr. Orricle was growing estranged
from his wife; and while they pitied the
vicar, they thronged to his confessional
with 6ome secret charitable hope of j mak
ing themselves disagreeable to Nassie.
They did not make themselves dis
agreeable to Nassie; but they were mis
taken if they thought that Ignatia Orri
cle was going to submit tamely to being
annoyed by them and her husband Ig
natia was not one of your nervous women
who melt into tears, scream and scold.
She had a tongue which could cut like a
razor, and a keen, perspicacious mind
which conld measure, the shortest road
out of a difficulty, and tread on the same
with a resolute foot. She saw that a
crisis had arrived in her domestic affairs.
That disappointment about her grand
mother's money was very grievous, but
she was not responsible for it. and.
therefore, it behooved her to see that she
was not made to bear the penalty of it in
the shape of a perpetual destruction of
her connubial happiness. She meant to
subdue her husband, to bring him back
into the paths of marital proprieties, with
a firm hand, and make of him a submis
sive and decent companion thenceforth.
In order to do this, she determined that
her first step must be to abolish that
confessional.
Ladies will acknowledge that Mrs.
Orricle had some reason to be bitter.
There were days when Mr. Orricle's ora
tory was full from noon till after dusk.
The yicar missed his luncheon because
of his penitents; he would be late for
dinner, and sit all the evening moping in
nis arm cnair, ana giving snappish an
swers . to I simple and affectionate ques
tions. He was continually receiving lit
tle notes on pink paper, and answering
them in letters which filled four pages.
Two of his penitents gave especial labor
and trouble a Mrs. Doucer and a Miss
Lydia Languish. These ladies were after
him at all; times. They remained in his
oratory for whole hours, and if they met
the vicar in the streets, they af
fected to whisper confidentially in his
ears, even if Mrs. Orricle were standing
by. To make all this worse they treated
Mrs. Orricle with a cool politeness bor
dering on contempt. ;
BuWlgnatia bore it all admirably.
Neither, by .word nor sign did she express
her displeasure. Her husband was a
priest, , who did his clerical duty in con
ferring privately for long hours with
sinf women. Why should she object
to it? That was the line which she
seemed to have taken up; and the Rev.
Peter went on his way complacently im
agining that he was free, to act as he
pleased, being, by the sacred character
of his functions, above domestic criti
cism. He even accentuated his nasal
twang; took frequent occasions to admin
ister grave reproofs to his wife about tri
fles, and: stalked about the parsonage
with the air of a superior being, whom
it was seemly for Ignatia to worship.
Poor fellow!
Once a year the "superior being" used
to go away for three days to visit his own
parents, who lived in one of the northern
counties. When the time came for his
annual visit, Ignatia pleaded that 8he
was too unwell to accompany her hus
band ; so the Rev. Peter went off alone.
This was the opportunity Ignatia had
ong been watching for patiently as a
cat watches a mouse patiently as a jeal
ous woman who seeks revenge.
The instant Mr. Orricle was gone, Ig
natia packed off her servants for a two
days' holiday, giving them money to go
and see their friends; and then she shut
up the parsonage, went to the railway
station and took the train. The same
day she returned with a box containing
a complete telephonic apparatus, and two
workmen who were strangers to the
parish.-:;.'- :'- - ' :. "
The orders which Ignatia issued to
these workmen were vary precise. They
must adapt the telephonic apparatus to
ji - 1 iil i
tne comessionai in sucu a way mac lis
presence should not be suspected, and
the wires were to communicate with a
closet in Mrs. Orricle's dressing-room.
The workmen were not to leave the house
until their work was done.- They were
to sleep at the parsonage: and a sover
eign apiece beside their 'wages to hold
heir tongues when they went away.
On these terms the two men set to
work very diligently, and in a few days
they had executed their task with the ut
most cleverness.
In a cavity produced by the carving
inside the confessional, they made a hole
and inserted the orifice of the telephone.
The wires were drawn up through the
wail and ceiling, and the acoustic tubes
were placed in the closet above men
tioned, where Mrs. Orricle kept her
dresses, and of which she alone had the
key. ' The operation necessitated the re
moval of aart of the wainscot in the
oratory, and of some of the paper above
it, but the wainscot was put back in its
place, a few yards of new paper, were
procured from the upholsterer to replace
that which had been torn off, and the
ceiling was fresh white-washed to cover
the spot where the hole had been made.
Everything was neatly done, and Mrs.
Orncie herself lent a hand to tbe work
throughout. The two workmen went
away perfectly satisfied, and thinking
that the lady (whose name they did not
even know) was a very pleasant and lib
eral person.
The Rev. Peter returned the next day,
and, of course, suspected nothing of what
had happened.
He did not learn that his servants had
been away, and he noticed no signs of
disorder about the house. He resumed
his duties in the confessional, Mrs.
Doucer and Miss Languish being as
usual among the most assiduous peni
tents. But now every word which these
truthful" ladies uttered, and every sylla
ble which the Rev. Peter answered
through that melodious noso of his were
carried straight up to Ignatia in her
dress closet.
Ignatia was not so unwise as to bring
matters to a too rapid crisis. The tele
phone gave her the opportunity of learn
ing all the secret of the parish, and she
got her money's worth out of it by listen
ing during a whole six months and hold
ing her tongue. No doubt. her ears and
cheeks named at times, and she was
sorely tempted to break out. There
were occasions when she was moved by
a violent desire to rush down stairs,
seize a dog whip and make the Rev.
Peter and his penitents dance writhing
jigs out of the oratory into the -street.
But she restrained herself, for she was a
prudent woman. "Vengeance," say' the
Italians, "is a dish which should be
eaten cold."
At the end of six months, however,
the head mastership of an important
grammar school in the parish of St. Ben
edict fell vacant. The salary was 1000,
with a residence and extra tuition fees.
Now, of all men on the clergy list, Mr,
Orricle was the least likely man to ob
tain this post, and he did not even think
of applying for it. He could take an
extra curate to look after the parish, and
if the school threw hard work upon him,
so much the better, he would find the
less time and inclination for talking with
women like Mrs. Doucer and Miss Lan
guish. -;
It was on a fine winter morning. The
Rev; Peter had just breakfasted solemnly
! yet heartily, after his wont; Ignatia bad
said little during that meal. Aa her hus
band was about to leave the room, how
ever, she stopped him, and there was a
look on her face which he had never
seen there before. , -
"Peter, I want to say a few words ;to
you," she began. "I object to your re
ceiving Mrs. Doucer and Miss Languish
into this house any more. They
are immodest and improper women, and
I shall tell them so if they come here
again." .
"What do you mean?" asked the Rev.
Peter, scarcely believing his ears.
"I mean what I say, dear. I cannot
any longer permit the objectionable, tbe
nonsensical conversations ?hich go on
between you and all the bad women of
our parish in that confessional. I mean
te have it removed, and the oratory de
voted to other uses." !
"Are you mad?" asked Mr. Orricle.
"No, dear; only resolved not to be
any longer slighted in my own house. I
will show you a telephone, by which I
have heard every word you and those
woman have been saying for the last six
months." - .
The Rev, Peter Orricle felt bad.
When he saw the telephone and dis
cerned how by her cool ingenuity his
wife had entrapped him and held him at
her, mercy he looked a very ' sorry per
son. He turned red, then pale, "and if
anybody had offered him a little weak
brandy and water at that "minute he
would have imbibed it. He tuned
his nose for a protest.but Ignatia stopped
him: i .
"You need not try to excuse yourself,
Peter. I have heard everything, mind;
so prevarication would be of no use. I
can only hope that you will be ; a more
sensible man and a better husband in the
future, and in that trust I forgive you.
But now listen to me. Mr. Doucer can
get you the head mastership of the gram
mar school; ho is the most influential
among the governors. Go to v Mrs.
Doucer at once, and tell her you want
the place. If she does not; get it for
you, let her beware of me. Don't for
get to tell her of the telephone."
"Good gracious, Ignatia, you would
not surely " -
"Do as I tell, you, dear," raid Mrs,
Orricle calmly. "If Mrs. Doucer does
not obey you she will know what: to ex
pect. As to other women, I will use the
power I possess over them in my own
way, at my own time, and for your in
terests and mine. I have not the slight
est objection that all the world : Bhould
know about the telephone. The laughers
will be on my side."
"Good gracious!" was all Mr. Orricle
could say; but he took up hi) Gloucester
hat, and went forth feeling much the
same sensations that a donkey must ex
perience when he is saddled and bridled
for the first time.
Mr. Orricle became a very good head
master, and the ritual of his church
underwent considerable alteration. Mrs.
Orricle took that department into her
own hands. As to the confessional in
carvea oas, it was transiormeci into a
commodious linen cupboard.
An Abundance of Forefataers.
rersona snddeniy enriched by some
unexpected freak of fortune are apt to
suffer from lack of ancestry, and to mur
mur at Destiny for having omitted to en
dow them with length of descent as well
as with abundance of wealth. An Italian
statistician has made a discovery that
can scarcely fail to prove consolatory to
parvenus who have hitherto deemed
themselves afflicted with the above-men
tioned dearth of forefathers According
to this painstaking calculator, every hu
man being at present upon the face of
globe has the undoubted right to claim
descent from no fewer than one hundred
and thirty-nine thousand two hundred
and forty-five billions of ancestors, only
as far back as the commencement of the
Christian era.
Besides the above number should he
make a point of being exact in family
matters some odd ancestors are still
due to him from the epoch in question,
i,uuo,uou,uuu or so. uut few men, we
think, however greedy with respect to
a copious ancestry, Are likely to be over
particular about such a trifling item as
the last one referred to, while cheered
by the proud conviction that, barely
1900 ' years ago, it took nearly a
hundred and forty thousand billions of
progenitors to render their existence pos
sible at the present day. The Italian
states his proposition very reasonably.
Everybody must, at one time a another.
have had a father and a mother; those
parents cannot have been exceptions - to
this absolute rule, and ancestors must,
therefore, be multiplied backward by
two according to the law or pro
gression, which process, reck
oning three generations . " to
the century, will, at its fifty-seventh
power, yield 139,215,17,489,53i,976 an
cestors for each man of our day, no mat
ter how seemingly humble his birth.
Let there be no more complaints of in
sufficiency in the matter of forefathers.
The numbev indicated, if correct,; cer
tainly point to superfluity rather than to
privation of that article, as well as to a
somewhat remarkable surplus : popula
tion of this globe- in the year of our Lord
One. J London Telegraph.
ne Knew What the Wauled, j
e A young lady in a neighboring town
last week went into a dry goods store and
thus unburdened herself: ?
"It is my desire to obtain a pair of cir
cular elastic appendages, oapable of
being contracted or expanded by means
of oscillating burnished steel appliances.
that sparkle like particles bf gold leaf set
with Cape May diamonds, and which are
utilised for retaining in proper position
the habiliments of the lower extremities,
which innate delicacy forbids me to
mention." '
The vendor of calicoes was non-plussed,
but not wishing to appear ignorant, said
that he was "just out." After her de
parture he ruminated in silence for a
few moments, when a new light broke
upon his distracted brain, and he broke
forthwith:
"uy tnunueri xii bet that woman
wanted a pair of garters."
They had only been married a short
time. The other day she slung her arm
around him, and warbled, in a low.
tremulous voice:
a a TTx - a ' .'''.:
-xjo you realize, Adoiphus, that now
we are married, we are only one?"
So, replied the brute, "I can't
realize it. i have just paid a 87S millin
ery bill, and a lot more of your bills,
with several outside precincts to hear
irom, so l am beginning to realize that.
as far as expense goes, instead of being
one, we are half a dozen. I can't tat
in that idea of our being one just yet.not
"How seldom it happens that we find
editors to oreei the business," said one
friend to another. "Very, and have you
not remarked how seldom the , business
is bread io the editor?" replied the
other.
ALL SORTS.
Hungary complains of a famine.
An old timer: An ancient Dutch clock.
Arose, by any other name, is "got
up." -
Tiong trains are fashionable on rail
roads. A good way to "raise the wind" is by
means of a draft.
Train a dog to skate and you'd only
make a slip pup of it.
Figures may not lie but some accounts
will not stand examination. ,
"Murder will out." That, we suppose
is because "blood will tell.' i , -
If a peacock had the power of speech
what a tale he could unfold 1 -. -
Where there is no. servant girl in the
house the plumber loses ho time.
The longer a man lives the more ha
knows that he don't know much.
See the conquering zero comes; heat
the soapstone, pound your thumbs.
A man in Plattsburg, N. Y., is named
Constant Agony. He is a married man.
It is estimated that next year the
Spanish surplus will be 125,000,000
pesetas.
When so-called silk burns well there's
cotton in it. Real silk smoulders into
an ash. : o
Of two evils choose the least, but of
two goods take both, if you can get
them. . - ;
The diversions of some men consist in
diverting public moneys to wrong pur
poses. -. , ::: V V
However slangy our rowdies may bo
they never ask a policeman to "give us
arrest."
A young man msy be a very rich stu
dent and at the same time a very poor.
scholar. -. - ' . " - .-
Historical research delopoa the fact
that Christopher Columbus was an Ohio
man. r .
Make home pleasant and you drive a
a nail into the coiim oi wretchedness
everyday.
Hospitals
are expensive structures;
one can't be
built without having sick
stories to it.
jrersonai item: a. western euuor speaas
r - a a f . .
of Herbert Spencer as a "Thinker from
Thinkville."
In the hands of a small boy entirely
fiendish, the pin is mightier than tho
swear it causes.
What poem does barking your shin ra-
mind you of? Graze Lie g, of course.
Bos. Com. Bulletin. .
When "the government wants a build
ing site it takes a sight of money to aecure
it. N. O. Picayune.
A New Jersey man has patented a stova
that explodes at 10 o'clock at night. He
has four daughters.
"Yes " eaid the actor to hia brother :
Thespian, who had sworn 'off, "you'll
stick; you always do!"
When the shoemaker opened, a boil
with his awl, ho remarked to his vwife,
"All's well that ends swell.
One of Wales's sons is to be a clergy
man, l'robably the Prince wishes his
son to become a prime minister.
A mow xuia uiau uouiiugu a tuucujo
to a duel, because he didn't want to be
seen in company with the challenger. ,
Contentment is better than riches, and
bread is better than butter, but most
persons prefer to "take them .both to
gether. The "Ballad of the Last Hare," is the
name of a new book. It should have a
sequel VThe Ballad of the Hair Re
storer.
Fluid extract of elephant foot is one
of the new drugs, and the first counter
feit of it will probably come from Chi
cago. -
If landlords expect patronage they
must stop talking about "fire-proof"
hotels. People are getting afraid of
them.
Henry Ward Beecher doesn't believe
in corners, but he has not so far lapaed
from Orthodoxy as to give up his belief
in futures.
A full-grown ostrich is worth S200.
With persons of limited means the oanary
will still continue to be the favorite
feathered pet.
Non compos: "I see that Smith is put
in nomination, is ne non partisan?
"No, not exactly; I think they call him
nn compos.
For every 130 human beings in Switz
erland there is a saloon. This is the first
intimation that Switzerland was settled
bv Kentuckians.
The&Pittsburah - class houses are run
ning full time, preparing to supply the
coming demand for diamond pins from
the seaside hotel clerks.
'After the clergyman had united ai
happy pair not long ago.au awful silence
ensued, which was broken by an im
patient youth exclaiming, "Don't be so
unspeakably happy!"
A Cambridge correspondent points out
wav, iu a xuuii uuw 111 AjeifclUU O Uip
Eies," "mashing" is said to be a word of
gipsy origin, mashava meaning fascina
tion by the eye, or taking in.
In Julia's eyes: "I live in Julia's
eyes," said an. affected dandy in Cole
man's hearing. "I don't wonder at it,"
"since I observed that she had a sty in
them when I saw her last."
The Wheeling Register assures us that
"there is no valid reason why a man
should not live a hundred years." True
enough. It is the invalid reason which
reduce the longevity.
Slightly mixed: Teacher "And what
was the reply when Cambronna was
called upon to surrender?" Boy (slight
ly mixed) "The old blackguard dies,
but never surrenders!" Bos. Trans.
If Oscar Wilde's brother contemplates
coming to this country, says the Oil
City Blizzard, we hope he will not labor
under any misapprehension. The spirit
of 76 is not dead it merely sleepeth.
There is a limit to our forbearance.
A little three year-old girl, while her
mother was trying to get her to sleep,
became interested in some outside notfcs.
She was told that it vaa caused by a
ricket, when sho eagarly observed,
"Mamma, I think it ought to be cilsdl
Exchange.