"ALL THOUGHT THE SAME.
P, A. B. Widener tells this storj
6ft nlmself. ,It is. the custom of one
w . j i i i - .
ox we rauway uoa.ru oi directors ox
which he is a member to pay each
diroctor who attends a board meet
. ing $20, and the money due the- ab?
Mntees is divided among those pres
ent.
On one blizzardy day when the
rjoara was scneauiea to meet Jur.
Widener figured that the snow and
cold would keep the other members
away from the meeting, and he de
termined to attend and thus secure
the fees of all the absentees as well
BB his own fee. Not that Mr. Wid
ener needed the money, but he
chuckled as he thought of the joke
he Would have on his fellow direct-
fii ha Tn -nn anfh rtta in.
conveniences and dangers of the
storm and made his way to the
hoard's meeting place. His amaze
ment was complete when he entered
the room and found that every oth
er member had preceded him. The
intended joke was too good, and he
frankly told of his purpose in turn
ing out on such a wretched and
death inviting day.
The other board members laugh
ed heartily, and before many min
ute had elapsed all had confessed
that they were present as a result
of the same mental figuring. Each
had thought as Mr. Widener had
that he would capture his own and
all his fellow members' fees. But
each had to be satisfied with the
usual $20. Philadelphia Record.
Shaw' Splendid Dinner.
George Bernard Shaw, critic,
dramatist and novelist, asserts that
he has no more home instinct than
a milk can at a railway station. He
admits, however, that he has an ad
dress at 10 Adelphi terrace, London.
'"These chambers," 'he explains,
"constitute thereal center - of my
domesticity, because my wife lives
there. My official residence, quali
fying me as a vestryman, is in Fitz-
Tnv Bfinnrn TVfv mnJiop livoa Vicrc
I live nowhere." He says that any
place that will hold a bed and a
writing table is as characteristic of
him as any other. At one of the
Socialist conferences when the dele
gates assembled after lunch the
well known writer came in, rubbing
his hands and giving thanks for the
splendid dinner he had just had.
Some one asked him what he had
for dinner. "Ah," replied Mr. Shaw,
with' all the serenity of a well fed
tnan, "I've had seven bananas I"
Comet Superstitions.
TTflft this vpflr'a rnmpf flffppurl Tt
weather E. A century ago the an
swer would have been yes. Thus to
the charge of the comet of 1811
were laid the facts not only of the
excellent vintage and abundant
crops of that year, but also that
wasps were then few and flies- blind
and that a shoemaker's wife in Lon
don had four children at a birth.
fai(3aa on iVi nolo nn if ino ut innniiiAno
pestilences and the like, the comets
of various years were considered re
sponsible for many minor tragedies,
including the destruction of a
church clock by a meteoric stone, a
tit of sneezing that became preva
lent in Germany and in 1668 an epi
demic among cats in Westminster.
Chicago News.
A Famous Brigand.
Servia's most famous brigand,
Karajitch, has been shot near his
hut on the summit of Mount Kaoni.
He had fourteen murders, two ab
ductions and countless robberies to
his account. Deeply devoted to his
mother, he supplied all her wants
from the day she was stricken with
paralysis. He told her recently that
he would not let himself be caught
until his head was rated at $2,500
instead of $500. Further, he prom
ised her that he would endeavor to
be taken in some poor man's cabin
rather than let the "man hunters"
(police) get the reward. . He was,
however, unable to carry out hia
food intentions.
Marie Cored! and Marriage.
Maxie Corelli, the famous writer,
is greatly annoyed by a little story
now going the rounds of the press.
The form it generally takes is this:
"She was asked the other day why
she does not marry. She replied:
1 have three pets at home which to
gether answer the same purpose. I
1 j I l. l n i i I
uave a uosr wuicn growis an me
morning, a parrot which swears all
tie af ternoon and a cat which stays
out at night.'" Miss Corelli pos-
esses neither a dog nor a parrot nor
a cat, and she has never yet met
any one bold enough to ask her
why she is unmarried. Chicago
News. v
He Didn't Vote.
There is a little story going round
the house of commons about a' cer
tain member who abstained from
Toting, on the deceased wife's sister
bill. juestioned by one of his
friends as to the reason for hi ab-
tention, he replied, "Well, mj dear j
ii9 jf-my
has a sister. Jean BulL .!
GOT HIS REWARD.
The Duke, the Cow Driver and a Mia
ing Sovereign.
The father of the present Duke
of Buccleuch was not averse to m
joke aa regarded bis identity, and
an amnsing anecdote, with a some
what serious ending, is told about
him. His grace purchased a cow
from a farmer near Dalkeith and
gave orders it - should be sent up
the following morning. According
ly the cow was sent, and 'the duke,
who was walking in the avenue, es
pied a small boy who was attempt
ing ineffectually to drive the ani
mal. The boy, , not knowing the
duke, cried out:
"Hi, mon, come here an' gi' us a
han' wi' this beast!"
The duke, greatly amazed, deter
mined to have a joke. He walked
oh slowly and took no notice. At
last the little fellow called:
"Come here, mon, an' help us, an'
sure as anything I'll give ye half I
get."
This entreaty had the desired ef
fect. The duke gave 'a helping
hand.
"And now," said he, "how much
do you think you will' get1 for this
job?" .
"Ow dinna ken,- said the boy,
"but I am sure o' something:, for
the folk up at the house are good
to a' bodies."
As they neared the house the
duke left the lad and entered by a
different way. He called a servant
and put a sovereign into his hand,
telling him to give it to the boy
who brought the cow. The duke
then returned to the avenue and
was there met by the boy.
"Well, how much did you getr
"A shilling," said the boy, "an'
there's the half of it to ye."
"But surely you got more than a
shilling?"
.No, said the boy earnestly,
"that's all I got."
"There must be some mistake,"
said the duke, "and as I know the
duke if you return I think I'll get
you more." ,
The boy consented, and back they
went. The duke rang the bell and
ordered all the servants, to assemble.
"Now," said he, "show me the
person. who gave you the shilling."
"It was that chap there," point
ing to the butler, who, utterly con
fused, attempted to apologize. The
duke cut all explanations short and
ordered him to quit his service in
stantly. As for the boy, the duke
was so delighted with his honesty
that he sent him to school and edu
cated him at his own expense. '
Kansas City Journal.
An Eye to the Main Chance.
Lucinda had a large box of choco
lates. Every few minutes she would
pass the box around to her mother
and her mother's visitors. "What
a dear little thing!" exclaimed one
of them. "She is the very soul of
generosity. Most children would
satisfy the dictates of conscience by
passing the box .around once, but
she seems to wish to share the
whole box with us."
Lucinda's mother smiled know
ingly, and when the little girl went
out of the room she said: "Don't
count too much on Lucinda's gener
osity. I know it looks that way,
but as a matter of fact she is mere
ly working for herself. I don't per
mit her to eat much candy, but she
knows that every time she passes
the box around she'll get one her
self. She knows I won't scold much
so long as she is passing her sweet
meats around to others." Ex
change. Her Sacrifice.
A teacher in a certain Sunday
school had been impressing on her
girls the need of making some per
sonal sacrifice during Lent. Ac
cordingly on the first Sunday of
that penitential season, which hap
pened to be fi. warm day, she took
occasion to ask each of the class in
turn what she had given up for the
sake of her religion. Everything
Went well, and the answers were
proving highly satisfactory, until
she came to the youngest member.
"Well, Mary," inquired the teacher,
"what have you left off for Lent?"
I "Please, ma'am," stammered the
! child, somewhat confused, "I I've
left off my leggings.
The Safe Way.
A coal miner in the east of Scot-
ij ;;,i v t.; j 3
the Ucea Qj 6'howQ
it mouth See
fa the ft -t
the stut gted the
friend exclaimed. r -
er's friend exclaimed:
"My word! I shouldn't like to go
down there On that rope."
"Why," exclaimed the miner,
"Aw wadna like to gang doon there
withoot it!" Dundee Advertiser.
She Had a Reason. .
The Rev. J. Tut, tut! How dare
you come before me and ask me to
marry you when he is in that die-
6 Would Bride-Weel, aurpieej,
w. he'll no come when 1,'a wb
Illustrate Bit.
graceful condition?
MAKING A DEW POND.
Old
Method of
Securing Water,
Even In
Drought.
There is still in England at least '
one wandering gang of men who
will construct for the modem farm-
er a pool which in any situation in
a sufficiently dry soil will always
contain water more in the heat of
summer than during winter rains.
According to an acoount given by
G. Hubbard in the Boston Post,
this water is not derived from
springs or rainfall and is speedily
lost if even the smallest rivulet is
allowed to flow into the pond.
The gang of . dew pond ' makers
commences operations by hollowing
out the earth for a space far in ex
cess of the apparent requirements
of the proposed pond. They then
thickly cover the whole of the hol
low with "a coating of dry straw.
. . .. - .
paratively warm air is condensed on
the surface of the cold clay. As
the condensation during the: night
is in excess of the evaporation dur-
The straw in its turn is covered by peruu uumg m iame wrag, ana lantic, the only great ocean known
a layer of well chosen, finely pud- unconsciously his or her hands, nn- to the Greeks, which thus swells
died clayj and" the upper surface of der the direction of subintelligence, and causes the tide. Plato account
the clay is then closely strewn with sought out the paper or article to ed for them as being caused by an
stones. " play with. , ' animal living in a cavern, which, by
Care has been taken - that the The conversation took place in' means of a huge orifice, created the
margin of the straw is effectively the waiting room! of a ferry house, ebb and flow. The ancient Arabs
protected by clay. The pond will where a score of business men, all believed that tides were caused by
gradually become filled with water, preoccupied mentally with the com- the moon heating the waters and
the more rapidly the larger it is, pg business of the day and all anx- causing them to swell, while others
even though no rain may fall. I : ious to get to. their offices, were con- averred that they were caused by
such a structure is situated on the igregated, waiting for a boat. To the alternate decomposition of the
summit of down' during the ; prove the truth' of his remarks the gea by the air and of the air by the
warmth of a summer day the earth t physician suggested an experiment. 8ea, thus causing an ebb and flow,
will have stored - a considerable He began a march up and down the A writer as late as the thirteenth
amount of heat, rwhile .the4-pond, i, waiting, room. In two seconds a century coolly remarks that tides
protected from this heat by the non- worried looking man who appeared are caused by the efforts of the
conductivity of tber straw, is at the ' to be a prosperous merchant or bro- earth to breathe. . .
same time chilled by the process of ter began to march also. Two Saintly St. Jerome explained the
evaporation from the puddled clay, clerks and a stout person followed mystery by means of caves, and
The consequence is that? during i l"8 example. In five minutes two Bede stated that the ebb and flow
the night the moisture of the com-; 'men who were reading newspapers were caused by an enormous ser-
ing the day, the pond becomes, night seem, -his action appeared to give sia, dwellers by the seashore popu-
by night, gradually filled. Theo- the whole assemblage a shock. They larly believe that the tides are gov
retically may observe that dur- --woke up, as it were, but not sum-; erned by the water king's daughter,
ing the day, the air being compara- ciently to know that they had been The Shetlanders used to believe
tively charged with moisture, evap- experimented upon. Before the; that periodical tides were caused by
oration is necessarily less than the boat arrived they had assumed the ' a monster living in the sea, or, to
precipitation during the night. In positions jn which the physician quote from an old Shetland worthy,
practice it is found that the pond
will constantly yield a supply of the
purest -water. . ..
. -.The' dew pond will cease . to at
tract the dew if the layer of straw
should get wet, as it then becomes
of the same temperature as the sur
rounding earth and ceases to act as
a nonconductor of heat.i This prac
tically always occurs if a spring is
allowed to flow into the pond or if
the layer -of clay (technically called
the crust) is pierced. y .
The Claw of the Devil.
In the middle ages people recog
nized witches and possessed per
sons by seeking on their bodies for
what was called the claws- of the
devil, tit was a more or less ex-
tensive part of the skin in which!
the subject was insensible' to any
touch or prick. The expert intrust
ed with this work would close the
eyes of the subject and, armed with
a sharp needle, prick here and there
the different parts of the body. The
sufferer was to answer with a cry
to each prick, and the claw of the
devil on a certain spot was recog
nized from the fact that he did not
cry when this spot was examined.
"The Major Symptoms of Hysteria,"
by Pierre Janet.
Where the Shoe Pinched.
"It they don't quit making that
child cry," sighed the flat dweller
as his sobs echoed pitifully through
the court, "I am going to. apply to
the board of health and have it stop-
ed.' TheTe's a limit to everything."
jmn a i i m m am 1 M
"Why the board of health?" ask
ed her friend. "I should think you
would appiy to the Society For the
irevenUon of Cruelty to Children.
"I am not thinking so much of
him," acknowledged the fiat dweller
contritely, as I am of . my
health. His constant sobbing is
getting on my nerves so that I can't
leep. ' JNew lork ITe&s.
The Sun's Heat.
It is not impossible to express the
marvelous power of tne sun s heat,
but we can admit without shame
that it is impossible to comprehend
it. The heat emitted by the sun in
each second is equal to that which
would result from the combustion
of eleven quadrillions six hundred
thousand millards of tons of coal
burning at the. same time. This
same heat would boil per hour seven
hundred thousand millions of cubic
miles of water at the temperature
of ice. Attempt to understand this!
As well might the ant attempt to
drink the ocean!
A French Joke.
Magistrate The plaintiff affirms
that you sold him an absolutely
rank cheese, although you told him
it was the king of cheeses when he
bought it of you.
Defendant Quite true, but I met
er said it was a good one. I simply
aid it was the king of cheeses. -
Magistrate Well ?
Defendant Well, in my opinion
the king -of cheeses would be the
worst. 1 Are we republicans or are)
"we not, sir ? Pele Mele. "v
sUbintelligence. -
Persons Imitate. Unconsciously
: the Actions of Others.
"Have you ever noticed," asked
observant physician the other
' day, "how persons who have some-
i,mug uu men minus imiutie uhcoh-
sciously the actions of others V
. A reply.jn the negative brougnt
forth a reiteration of the statement,
"A submtelligence seems to be at
wuri, , cuuuuueu me pnysician, in
11 of us at all times that controls
our actions and causes us to do a
great many things unconsciously. A
l 2.: t il. i - -
nervous man or woman will, twist world philosophers are worthy of in-
and tear a scrap of paper or -toy terest.
with some article for an hour at a Aristotle who tried to find a log
time. ' When spoken to such persons ical reason for everything in na
start and look at the article in their ture, thought that tides were caused
hands as though wondering where by the sun, which moves and whis
they had obtained it. In nine cases ties the winds about so that they
Out of ten this person Saw some oth- fall with trrpat violence nn the At,
ii. .
were tne oniy persons, out oi the pent, who swallows and vomits the
twenty' odd in the. room who were watar. Another old sage thought
not walking, about. . The physician that they were caused by the melt
ceased suddenly Peculiar as it may , fner Qf the ice at the poles. In Bus
found them.
"Another thing I have noticed,"
added the physician, "is that the
higher the. intelligence of a man is
the more liable he is to be con
trolled by subconsciousness. An un
intelligent man seems to have none
of it." New York Globe.
Tenures of Scotch Landowners. '
Sir George Clerk of Penicuik
House, Edinburgh, married the
daughter of another baronet, the
late Sir Eobert Napier, and he holds
his lands on a curious tenure. This
obliges him to stand at the bend of
a road near his house and blow
three blasts on a "horn if the sov
ereign visits Edinbureh. And there
jare other landowners with similar
rights or obligations. Major Hour
son-Craufurd holds'-the lands of
Braehead on ,the: ; 'understanding
that if the king should happen to
cross Cramond Brig, at the gates of
his residence, he presents him with
a silver basin filled with water in
which to wash his. hands. Then,
should the sovereign chance to visit
Hopetoun House, Lord Linlithgow
orders that the chains which stretch
j across the .principal avenue should
be lowered so that his majesty may
drive up the central approach.
Glasgow Times.
Miles and Miles.
If you set out to walk a mile in
Sweden, you will have to walk more
than five times as far as you would
have to walk in America to corn-
plete your mile, for a Swedish mile
la QfiO. feet lvnv wKOa an A tti a.
is 34,980 feet long, while an Amer
ican mile is only 5,280 feet. The
English and the American miles are
the same in length, while the Span
ish mile lacks 714 feet of being as
long as the American mile, the Nor
wegian mile is nearly seven times
its length, and the Dutch mile is
only 3,380 feet. With the exception
of America and England, there are
no countries in which the mile is the
same length. Minneapolis Journal.
Wouldn't Take His Place.
, Hearing of the sudden taking off
the stage of life of a leading Thes
pian while he was playing in Chica
go, a New York Bialtoan out of a
job telegraphed the manager as fol
lows: "Having heard of the, sad and
tragic demise of Mr. ', I'll take
his place for $150 a week."
As the message was sent collect,
it elicited the following reply:
"Thanks. I wouldn't take his place
for twice that amount." Minne
apolis Journal.
His Introduction.
Mark Twain said the only intro
duction to a literary audience that
he ever had that seemed to him the
right word in the right place, a real
inspiration, was as follows:
"Ladies and Gentlemen I shall
not waste any unnecessary time in
the introduction. I don't know any
thing abouf this man. At least I
only know two things about him.
One is that he has never been in
prison, and the other is I can't see
whj he hasn't," - -
MYSTERY OF THE TIDES.
Reasons That Were Assigned
For Their Ebb and Flew. ,
Th tiW .hne mnt.ifena
tions of the sea,, have been the
theme of curious speculation ever
EmCe man began to ask the reason
0f what he saw around him. Many
gages and clever brains in the agea
of the past tried to explain away
the neriodicul Phh nd fW nf th
r .
and many plausible if er
roneous ideas were seized upon and
used to solve the problem, and some
oi the curious notions of these old
.... .
"a monstrous sea serpent that took
six hours to draw in his breath and
, about six to let it out again." The
j Chinese believe that supernatural
beings, weird and wonderful, cause
the tides, while the Malays aver that
they are caused by the movements
of a huge crab. Some of these old
thinkers have been very near the
solution of the problem, while some
of their crude notions are only fan
tastic. Scottish Nights.
The Original Lemon.
If they haven't the original lem
on up in the Metropolitan Muse
um of Art, they come pretty near
achieving that distinction. In one
of the cases containing the Edward
C. Moore collection of oriental art
objects there is a group of pieces'of
Venetian glassware consisting of
cups and vases of various kinds and
shapes.
On the lower shelf of this case
there is a large sized and perfectly
shaped representation of a lemon
in bright lemon colored glass that
must represent some artisan s ldei
of a joke, for it has nothing to do
with the ordinary sort of pieces
those glass blowing shops turned
out at that time. As it dates from
the sixteenth century, it certainly
antedates any lemon known to the
present day. It never will be hand
ed out to any one, however. New
York Press.
The Written Koran.
Mohammedans never use printed
Korans because in doubt as to the
ingredients entered into the compo
sition of the printing ink. They
are afraid of being denied by taking
into their hands a copy of the sa
cred book that may have been pro
duced with the ink in which pig's i
lat instead of linseed oil has formed
one of the component parts. They
therefore - confine themselves to
reading hand written reproductions
of the prophefs work, which are
naturally, very expensive.
'Redeemed Himself.
Sir Charles Napier had an effec
tive method of dealing with cow
ards. On one occasion a flying sol
dier was stopped by his fellows, who
were about to shoot him when the
general intervened.
"Give the man another chance,"
he ordered. "Place him in the
front rank, and if he turns again
let him be shot."
The man eagerly embraced this
chance of life, overcame his fears
and fought bravely for the rest of
the day. '
Hitting Back.
The elder Sothern, the creator of
the Lord Dundreary fame, was ex
tremely sensitive to interruptions
of any sort. Seeing a man in the
set of leaving his box during the
delivery of one of the actor's best
speeches, he shouted out: "Hi, you,
sir! Do you know there is another
act ?" The offender was equal to
the occasion, however. He turned
to the actor and answered cheerful
ly: "Oh, yes.' That's why I'm go
ing." ".
tor
Ue Invite
Your inspection of oat
- - Stock oi
Ladies' end Misses'
Coats
Wool Dress Goods, Cotton
Wash Dress Fabrics
Our Stock is" Com
plete in Every Detail
at Right Prices.
Hetikle & Davis
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HOMES FOR SALE
WILL SELL LOTS IN CORVALLIS,
. Oregon, on instalment plea and '
pigt purchaser to hnild pomes nn theat
if desired. Address First National
Bank, Corvallis, Or.
WILL SELL MY LOTS IN NEWPORT.
Or., for spot cash, balance fnsta).
menta, and help parties to hnild homes -thereon,
if desired. Address M. S.
Woodcock, Co-vallis. Or.
BANKING.
THE FIB1 NATIONAL BANK OF
Corvallis, Oregon, transacts a general'
conservative banking business. Loans
money on approved security. Drafts
bought and cold and money transferred '
to the principal cities of the United
States, Europe and foreign countries.
The Gazette
for Job Work.
CASTOR I A
For Infants and Children.
The Kind Yob Have Always Bought
Bears the
Signature of (