"BILL."
He wasn't party nary bit; the wrinklin
hand o' Time
Had written strange devices in the tan
and pqjivder grime;
But prospectiu his character, there" d
crop out everywhere
Ilich streaks o' golden placer that yov'd
never dreamed was there.
And, spite of all his homeliness, some
how his rugged face
Jest seemed to brace a feller up and
give 'im savin' grace.
When times was hard and grub was high
an' the colors far between,
And into the starving miner's life there
widened the streak o' lean!
There widened the streak o' poverty
when all o' the world was blue;
When shovel an' pan were red with rust,
with nothing at all to do;
I don't jest savey the why of it and I
reckon I never will
That I somehow failed to appreciate the
worth of my pardner. Bill.
It's shorely hard to understand the ways
o' the human mind.
For we grow indifferent-like to gold, the
more o the stuff we find.
'Tjvas so with me; I'd lived so long with
old Bill at my side
That I never jest knew the worth of
him till my pardner up an' died.
"Good-by, old man!" he snys, says he,
a-lookin' toward the skies
The light o' new discovery a-shi".n' in
his eyes .
'I see across the great divide, an like a
golden flame,
I catch 'the gleam ah' glitter of my ever
lasting claim!"
An then he died my pardner Bill!
There warn't no better Bills!
An' I know he washes gravel on the
everlastin' hills
The golden sand in the Stream o' Life
a hundred to the pan!
For the Lord won't play him low down,
'cause my pardner was a man!
For fifty year o' storm an' sun Bill's
blanket has been mine;
And his friendship never broke a strand.
though it stretched from '49.
He loved me! which the same is mighty
comfortin' to me,
For I know my pardner's grub-staked
for a long eternity!
San Francisco Bulletin.
I ASK ID IT SILL BE GIVEN
THEL, -dear," said Bessie
Brown, with proud eyes, "my
' . brother, Philip Estes Brown,
from South Africa."
Lieut. Phil bent over the dainty
hand of his sister's chum, mentally
contrasting her radiant fairness with
the sun-burnt faces of the Boer ladies,
his principal feminine society for two
long years.
"I am pleased to meet you," he said,
simply. "Bessie has often written of
you. I can't express how glad I am
to be shaking hands with a genuine
English girl again after so many
months of desolation."
"And I," said Miss Mackay, with
charming seriousness, 'am glad to
meet one who has given up home and
business to uphold his country's flag.
My father fought for it in the Crimea.
Bessie told me," she continued, when
the three had adjourned to the ver
anda, "that you received your wound
in saving one of your men. Would
would you mind telling me about It?"
There Isn't much to tell," said Phil,
with an embarrassed laugh. "Bessie"
with a fond glance at his sister
"has constructed quite a romance out
of it, with me for the principal character;-
but it was the other fellow who
was the hero."
"We ran into an ambush about a
dozen miles from canip twenty of us;
myself, the only officer,' in command
and only by the greatest good fortune
escaped annihilation. But we man
aged to reach cover with only half a
dozen wounded. " " ' '
"It was a sort of natural pocket In
the rocks, a regular little citadel; but
while the enemy couldn't rush out of
it, we couldn't get out, either, for we
were completely surrounded, and they
numbered ten to our one.
"For two days we lay on those broil
ing rocks, hoping for the help which
didn't come, till the heat and the want
of water1 for that had given out: the
first day began to make the men go
off their heads, and the suffering of
the wounded made my heart ache.
"Things looked so black that I had
about made up my mind to give up in
the morning of the third day when one
of the men Rogers his name was, a
splendid fellow came up to me and
saluted. i
' " 'Lieutenant,' he said, there's water
out there about 200 yards to the left
of us. I saw it as we were driven in.
I can take half a dozen canteens, and
when the moon goes down behind that
cloud make a rush. If I get back we
can last another day; if I don't
well, it's a man's death, that's all.'
yi wrung his hand Impulsively.
'Spoken like a gentleman and a sol
dier,' I said, for I had long known he
was a gentleman, though only a com
mon Tommy Atkins.
"He reached the water safely, but
half sway back the Boers saw him as
be crossed a patch of moonlight and
fired; then he fell and lay still, and
and," continued the lieutenant lamely,
"I went out and brought him in."
"He brought him in on his back,"
broke in-Bessie, "with two bullets in
his own shoulder. And what do you
think, Ethel the man's name wasn't
Rogers at all. but Mackay."
Ethel had risen with staring eyes.
"What was he like, this man?" she
whispered. "Was he tall and fair, and
did he have a scar across his temple
so?"
"Why, yes," said Phil, wondering at
her agitation. "He was just like that
-how did you "
"He was my brother," she cried.
"He left . home angry with father. I
can't tell you why now; but father
was in the wrong. He isn't dead he
will get well?"
"Oh, yes," said Phil; "he's all right,
. and there is a commission waiting ror
Jhm when he gets out of the hospital."
must go at once and tell father,"
said Ethel, hurriedly. ''Won't he be
glad and proud! But you," turning
suddenly; "what can I say to you,
-who saved my brother's life?"
"Perhaps," he said, audaciously,
I L"-U I t I r I tM-o- --v I ST
Dark-Room Window. A correspondent asks for a coating for the glass
with which he is to glaze his dark-room window. I do not approve of the
use of daylight as an illuminant In developing It is too variable. Besides,
almost any coloring matter will lose its value to some extent If exposed to
strong daylight for months. With this protest made, I would suggest that
my correspondent coat each side of his glass with a solution of gelatine,
coloring one solution with erythrosin and the other with orange G, anallne
colors. The first will absort the green and the latter the, blue and violet rays.
The gelatine films should be protected with a good coat of varnish. Old
negatives may be utilized by removing the image with a reducer and then
staining the film with a solution of the dye. Western Camera Notes.
Importance of Margins. One often notices In portrait work, even among
the specimens of those photographers who ought to know better, a defect
which is either the result of carelessness or of ignorance. What I refer to
is the arrangement of the genera position of the head on the finished print.
In the case of vignettes, for instance, a person, on looking at the portrait,
instinctively determines to himself whether the portrait is that of a tall or a
short person. But, to show how foolish it is to guess the height of any one
from a vignette, it would be safe to say that if a cabinet vignette were
printed of the biggest giant in the kingdom, and a couple of inches margin
were allowed above the head, a stranger would almost certainly judge him
to be a short, squat dwarf; and the reverse hole's good, in that a short per
son, whose head in a portrait was printed close to the upper margin, would
convey an idea of tallness. But there is something else in portrait margins
apart from this. We know there is nothing of special Interest above the
head or, perhaps, to allow for feminine interest in millinery, I bad better
say above the hat! But we know that below the shoulders there must be
the rest of the body, although it is vignetted away; and it only seems in the
fitness of things, as strengthening suggestiveness, that there should be more
space below the portrait than above. The Importance of correct and intelli
gent spacing in portraiture, once grasped, means a good step forward.
Photo-American.
"when I come back for always I may
ask you for something. May I hope
that "
A sudden flood of red dyed the girl's
pure face.
"Ask, and it shall be given thee,"
she quoted, softly. New York Daily
News.
FORDHAM COLLEGE FARM.
Sixty Acres on Which Are Grown
Vegetables for Establishment.
St. John college at Fordham, N. Y.,
is one of the largest farmers of the
Bronx. The glebe lands of the col
lege, closely bordering Bronx park, are
about sixty acres in extent. Here the
farmer of the college grows hay and
corn for nearly a score of cows and
keeps a walled garden In which are
grown fresh vegetables for the table.
The whole arrangement smacks of the
mediaeval monastery, says . the New
York Times, only the clergy do not
work the glebe. Nevertheless St.
John's is the only college in New York
city that in part supplies its own table
from its own land. The score of cows
do not give enough milk for the needs
of the college and the products of the
garden must be supplemented from
the markets, but the whole situation
Berves to recall a time when St. John's
was really in the country, when the
great, ugly town had not penetrated
the grounds and the . smiling glebe
lands actually produced enough to feed
both teachers and pupils.
The long row of farm buildings and
especially the old-fashioned barn with
its dependent cowsheds bespeak the
earlier conditions. A long, narrow farm
lane lined with giant elms leads east
ward to the rear fields of the glebe and
still looks as it must have looked when
all the region round was yet unspoiled
country. The farmer lives in one of
the row of farm buildings, and- the
strange impertinence of a child's cart
in the college garden Indicates the
presence of the lay element. ;
Oddly mixed with farming imple
ments are old desks and chairs from
the school-room, and ola furniture of
various kinds from the lodgings of
the teachers and students,,, while
priests in long robe and biretta occa
sionally take their constitutional along
the farm lane in the wake of the farm
er and his laborers.
How long St. John's can maintain its
old farming traditions nobody can tell,
but the time must come when it will
no longer be profitable to keep the
glebe under cultivation. The yearly
growing beauty of Bronx park is con
stantly adding to the value of the
glebe, and the development of the
whole region round about It is contrib
uting to the same thing. Already the
extension of the elevated railroad to
the entrance of the park has taken a
considerable slice off the fine old col
lege campus, and some years ago the
college authorities leveled a bit of the
ground to the north of the campus
ABOLISHING
It looks as If he was cutting It
maifur
tjvaphi)
proper, as If in anticipation of a time
when the campus might be extended in
that direction. The time will surely
come when the glebe will be further
narrowed by the sale of portions not
needed for ordinary college purposes,
and the farm will be merely a tra
dition. FARM LAD TOOK HONORS AT YALE.
Professors call Frederick Erastus
Pierce, of South Britain, Conn., the
most remarkable student Yale Univer
sity ever had. He entered three years
ago from his father's farm, where he
had been toiling in the fields. His
FREDERICK E. FIERCE.
every aspect betokened the plowboy.
But in a short time he began to- at
tract attention. In the first year he
won three prizes and the Woolsey
scholarship, and has kept up his rec
ord. Pierce is working his way
through college.
Signs of Hydrophobia. '
As to hydrophobia: Beware of the
dog when it becomes 'dull and hides
away; appears restless; always on the
move and prowling; whose counte
nance is somber and sullen; walks with
head down, like a bear. Beware of
one that scratches incessantly and
tears up things. Look out for the dog
that has become too fond of you and
is continually trying to lick your hand
and face. Beware, above all, of the
dog which has difficulty in swallow
ing, which appears to have a bone in
its throat, and one that has wandered
from home and returns covered with
dirt, exhausted and miserable.
Poultry and Egg.
The last census gave the value of
poultry raised in the United States dur
ing the year 1899 as $136,891,877; of
eggs produced in the same year, $144,
286,158. DmnkeDneas Among Women.,
Out of every 100 cases' of drunken
ness brought before magistrates in
England, thirty are women.
The flower of the family isn't always
college bred. a
THE QUEUE.
pretty short Minneapolis Journal.
science
Exhaustive testa for years have con
vinced Joseph L. Ferrell that sulphate
of aluminum Is the best ftreproofing for
wood. Unlike sulphate or phosphate of
ammonia, which check flames by emit
ting ammonia gas, the aluminum com
pound forms an infusible and non-conducting
coating.
The late discovery In strawberries of
salicylic acid, a specific in acute rheu
matism, has seemed to confirm the Idea
that these berries are a desirable arti
cle of food for rheumatics. The effect
of the fruit cannot be due to the sali
cylic acid," however, as less than the
hundredth of a grain per pound is
found.
Important tests of the fatal propor
tion of carbonic oxide in-the air lrave
been made by Prof-. BIosso at the Turin
Physiological Institute. A heroic sub
ject was confined three times in a her
metically sealed Iron chamber, the air
of which was mixed first with 1-333 of
carbonic oiide, then with 1-2S5, and
lastly with 1-233. On the last experi
ment the man ceased to breathe, being
restored oly by oxygen.
While urging that the proposed bio
logical survey of the North Sea should
seek means of favoring fishes and their
food supply, Prof. W. C. Mcintosh de
clares that no important species, is in
danger of becoming extinct. The fishes
were not exterminated by the swarms
of gigantic destroyers of reptilian
times, when 'the destruction must at
least have equaled that of to-day by
man, and future extinction need not be
feared.
Alcohol is coming into considerable
use for illumination in France. The
flame is made luminous by the addi
tion of sufficient coal-oil or crude ben
zine, or the ordinary non-luminous
flame is used to give incandescence to
a Welsbach mantle. The latter Is the
more Important method. Some lamps
have from sixty to eight hundred candle-power,
and these large portable
lamps, carrying their own illuminant,
seem to have advantages over gas cr
electricity for many purposes. The
best of the burners yield about thirty
candle-power hours per ounce of alco
hol.
Tests have recently been made on the
Boston and Maine and the Florida
East Coast Railroads to determine the
value of oil as fuel for locomotive en
gines. On the Florida Railroad it was
found, after a month's experimenting
with a locomotive hauling its regular
load, that 132.3 gallons of oil did the
work of one ton of coal. Another test
showed 131.8 gallons of oil to be equiv
alent to a ton "of coal. "In the Boston
and Maine experiments the ratio was
140.26 gallons of oil to one ton Of coaL
It was found that the engine could be
urged to a greater capacity with oil
than with coal, and this with a smoke
less fire.
By ' a singular change of circum
stances, the gold miners of Hastings
County, Ontario, Canada, who for
years were baffled in trying to extract
the precious metal from its matrix by
the presence of arsenic In the ore, have
lately found the arsenic to be more
profitable than the gold. This, Is due
at once to the great purity of the Cana
dian arsenic, and to the rapid exhaus
tion of the arsenic deposits of England
and Germany. At the same time, the
introduction of a successful method
of separating the gold increases the
profit of working the Canadian depos
its, because every ton of the arsenical
ore carries from $4 to $60 worth f
gold. - ' ' '
HOLDING HIM TO HIS WORD.
It Does Not Pay to Make Too Sweep
ins Statements.
"My dear," said Mr. Puffer, with
some dismay, as a smoking cherry
pudding was placed on the table be
fore him, "don't you think' you are
sort of running to cherries lately? Of
course I hope that I shall always be
cherished by you, but when it comes to
cherries in some form every meal,
Just cherries or stewed cherries or
cherry pie r cherry pudding, I be
lieve I could cheerfully donate some of
our : cherries to our less fortunate
neighbors."
"Well. John," said his wife, calmly,
"I suppose you remember what you
said when you insisted on picking the
cherries yourself?"
"Ahr Martha," said Mr. Puffer, com
placently, "there was a clean-cut, neat,
workmanlike job for you, In spite of
all your fears and opposition. In
stead of the grass under the tree be
ing piled a foot deep with a litter of
leaves, , twigs and branches broken
from the tree, as it invariably Is
when you send a boy rampaging after
the fruit, I cleaned that tree without
any damage to.it, and consequently
with hardly a single leaf to be raked
up off the grass. And I got all the
cherries without breaking any of my
arms or legs or necks, as you so cheer
fully predicted, too. Still, while I
admit I am proud of the job, I dp not
think it absolutely necessary to live in
definitely upon those cherries I gath
ered." .',
"You haven't eaten a single one out
of the few quarts you gathered, John,"
said Mrs. Puffer, positively. "I canned
all of them."
"WelL where does this satiety of
cherries I've had inflicted upon me for
the past two days come from, then?"
demanded Mr. Puffer.
"Do you . remember what you said
when I asked you if the few you
picked were all it was possible to get
from the tree, John?" asked Mrs. Puf
fer, with a twinkle in her eye. '.
"Why, ye-es," acknowledged Mr.
Puffer, thoughtfully and suspiciously.
"What was, it?" persisted his wife,
the twinkle widening.-
"We-eli, I . believe I said that If any
body could get any more off that tree
I'd eat them, stones, stems and every
thing," admitted Mr. Puffer reluct-'
antly. - . ' . ... V:
"I havn't insisted upon the stones
and stems," said his wife, demurely.
"Bhr exclaimed Mr. Puffer. .
."But little Jimmy Ballou got enough
to last about three weeks longer at the
rate you are eating them," continued
Mrs. Puffer, quietly.
Mr. Puffer solemnly helped himself
to a large, thick slab of the pudding,
and began slowly stowing it away.
"Martha," he said, gravely, after a
few minutes of this labor, "if, I own
up that I am a little just a trifle too
old and stout to pick cherries as well
as I did when I was a boy, don't you
think the hospital would appreciate
a donation of some nice, luscious cher
ries?" Youth's Companion.
BOLD ROBIN HOOD'S DAY.
May 1 the Anniversary of the Death
of the Noted Woodsman.
An Immense lot of leases still date
from May 1, says the New York Com
mercial Advertiser, but not many of
the lessors or lessees know that this,
is simply an adjournment of a few
days from St. George's day, from
which the leases of their ancestors
used to run. This again dates from
the more remote period when the date
was fixed at the time of one moon
after the spring equinox. May day as
a day for strikes of workmen is not
a thing of recent years. It has the
sanction of centuries, if of nothing
else. May 1 is the day on which bold
Robin Hood was bled to death by his
treacherous relative, and sped his last
arrow, which marked where his grave
should be. The date is at least as cer
tain as that on "which Remus made his
unlucky jump over the rising walls
of Rome. Robin Hood was the hero
and saint of the common people of
England, and for centuries the May
day festivities were joined to celebra
tions of his deeds, and to exultant pro
phecies of the day when conditions
should be equalized after the ideal of
this fcnight of their own.
It has happened ever since that when
the sun enters the sign of Taurus and
Robin Hood's day approaches, the
sturdy descendant of his woodsmen,
working at the mechanic's bench, feels
a strange fever burning in his blood.
He feels that he would like to have a
reckoning with certain "rich earles"
whom he wots of. He grows Impa
tient toward the "fat bysshoppes and
the archbysshopes," and works him
self into such a fighting mood that
if interfered with he would not hesi
tate to take a fall out of even the
"hye sheryffe of Nottinghame." So he
throws down his tools and hies him
off to the "green forest," where shaws
be sheen and shards full fair," to
gether with a brass band and plenty of
refreshments. Perhaps he will bring
to terms the proud Norman who owns
the shop; perhaps not; anyway, he has
his fun.
The floral festivities of the day, in
these times and in this country usually
adjourned to the first Saturday in May
are a survival of the old Roman festi
vities in honor of the goddess Flora
The May queen is Flora herself Im
personated. The rigging up of a boy
consort Is an impertinent and ridicu
lous innovation, which should, if pos
sible, be abolished.
MISSED HIS ENGAGEMENT.
Wily John Chinaman Con Id Not Ks
cape From Police Clutches.
Some time ago a squad of Manhat
tan police raided a fan tan game in
Chinatown. Eleven Chinamen were
captured and kept in a third story
front room In charge of Detective
Drennan until the patrol wagon came
for them. While they were waiting
for the 'wagon one of the prisoners
said to Drennan. .
"Me got to go. Me ot velly import
ant engagement."
"I suppose so," said the detective,
"but you've got a more important en
gagement at the police station.
The Chinaman begged like a good
fellow,, but Drennan was obdurate.
"Me give you five dollals if you let
me go," the prisoner finally whispered.
"No use, John. Even if I let you
out of the room," said the detective,
"the police would catch you at the
lower door. They are guarding that."
As quick as a flash the Chinaman
answered: "That's alle light. You let
me out, me go upstairs, get out on
roof, and go down other building.
Police no catchee me." "
"Can't do it, John," Drennan per
sisted. "They've got you prisoners all
counted. If I turn over only ten I'll
have troubles of my own."
"Me fix that," the Chinaman ans
wered, without a moment's hesitation.
"Me go to window, call a Chinaman
friend up from street. When he come
to this door you pull him in and I
run out. See? You have eleven
plisoners alle same, and police can't
tell one Chinaman from other."
- But notwithstanding his cunning,
John had to go to the station, and his
"velly important engagement" was
broken. Brooklyn Eagle.
Horses Scare and High.
"I have not known a period when
horses were so scarce and high," said
T. E. Gilbert of Cincinnati at the Hotel
Barton. "I am in the business and
have, of late been scouring Kentucky
and Ohio with a view of purchasing
a good-sized, bunch, but had very poor
success. More people want to buy
than sell, aud prices are at a point
where it is impossible for dealers to
make any profits. The country was
drained of horse flesh during our war
with Spain, and further depletion was
caused by the Boer war. It will take
severalyearstomake up the deficiency,
and high prices will continue. The au
tomobile craze has had no perceptible
effect on the demand for high-class
animals, and I do not believe that it
will ever get so violent as to make
people Indifferent to the delight of sit
ting behind a pair of high steppers."
Washington Post.
When Talk Conies High.
"Oh, well, talk is cheap," sneered
the angry lawyer.
"Not that kind," replied the Judge
promptly. "Ten dollars," please."
Syracuse, N. Y., Herald.
A Definition.
"Pa, what Is a fray?" .
"Why, my son, that is what a per
son who has never been in a fight
calls it" Puck. r :
Theaters In New York.
; Thirteen new theaters, to cost $8,
000,000, are being , built In New York
City, y r,-: ' --- - -- - : - " "
Once more the umpire Is doing hi
annual stunt as a martyr. .
OUH BUDGET OF FUN. I
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE.
Jokes and Jokelete that Are Supposed
to Have Been Recently Born Bayinga
and Doings that Are Old, Curione and
Laughable The Week's Humor.
"'I can't see what you find in me to
admire," said the lovelorn youth who
had recently blown himself for a
$37.50 engagement ring.
"Why," gurgled the fluffy-haired an
gel of his domestic dreams, "that's
just what everybody else says."
And immediately the silence became
oppressive.
' Aa Corrected.
Mrs. O'Hooiihan Pfwhat kolnd av a
job is yez ould man. afther hoviu'
now?
Mrs. McGarlgle Job, is it? Shure
an' it be an illigant sittuashun as tiHe-
grapb operather' he's afther hovln.
It's trav'lln about dlggln phost holes
fer th' coompany he is, d'y moind."
Enre of Hie Ground.
Wife of New Minister Now, Davie,
you'll have to look after the church
better than this or we will have to
think about getting a new beadle.
Davie (beadle of long standing, se
vere" y) Mistress Nichollson, we whiles
change oor minister, but we ' never
change oor beadle.
He Never Worried.
A lady waited tor hours at a wayside
station of the Midland Great Western
Railway. The train came along and
she got in. The hours dragged by, and
at each stoppage she asked if it was
Sligo. Finally the guard became Irri
tated. "Don't worry, madam; I'll let
you know' when we reach Sligo." "But
I've, been nearly all day on my jour
ney." "Well, madam, I've been on this
railway three years, and I'm not wor
rying." "Poor man!" she retorted,
"you must have started the next sta
tion bteyond mine."
His Plea.'
"My plea," said the young lawyer,
who had just won his first case, "seem
ed to strongly affect the jury."
"Yes," replied the judge, "I was
afraid at one time that you would suc
ceed in getting your client convicted
In spite of his innocence."
Not So Reckless.
"Do you take this internally?" asked
the customer as he put the bottle in
his pocket and took his change.
"Me?" said the druggist's new assist
ant. "Great Scott, no! I sell it"
Stray Stories.
An Accommodating Stork.
The following order was received a
few days ago by a Chicago grocery
firm: ' .
"Please ship at once by freight, one
bag salt, fourteen lb shuger. The stork
brought us a baby last night and box
crackers, also one barrel soap. It
weighed nine lb.
The Vagaries of Fashion.
Mrs. Commonheh -Don't mind her,
my dear. Long skirts are doomed. It
will soon be our turn.. .. '
Circumstantial Evidence.
Tommy Was that your; mother I
saw with you yesterday? ;
Willie I guess so; 't any rate she's
the one who carries the key to the jam.
closet at our house. Boston . Tran
script . , , ,
Force of Habit. . 1
The boss plumber had become a multi-millionaire
and was going - abroad
for his health. On .the voyage over a
school of whales were sighted: and the
boss plumber - was Been to - rub his
hands In ecstasies. .
. "Why is he so nappy?" asked a curi
ous tourist.'
"He can't help it" ; whispered the
captain. 1 "He Imagines each spout Is
a bursted water pipe, to be repaired by
him at his old rates."
. . ,- Vain. '" ' '
"Did you find the Chinese a ' rain
people?" ' v. - "
"Very. To hear a Chinese brag you
could almost believe an American was
talking." . . :'
, Enough Said.
Nell So Jack asked permission to
kiss you, eh? ' ,:. ,k V";
Bess Yes. -: . . .. :
Nell You refused it, of course? V ';
Bess Certainly. :
Nell What did he say then?
Bess Nothing. Actions speak loud
er than words and Jack la all right
as an actor
Not Reassuring-
Do you know what precautions the-
J proprietor of this hotel has taken
: against fire?" asked the nervous old
lady as the bellboy escorted her to a
room on the fifth floor.
"Sure I do," replied the knowing
youth. "De boss has got de joint ln
ehoor'd fer two times de worth uv .it.
See?"
Hia Preference.
Magistrates-It will be either $10 or
thirty days. Uncle Rastus. You can
have your choice.
Uncle Rastus Ah's much erbllge, yo'
honnah, an' Ah reckon yo' all had bet
tah gib me de money, sah.
Hia Specialty.'
Stranger You have a fine farm
here.
Farmer Right yew air, stranger. I
'low as it be one o' the finest In these
parts.
Stranger What Is your best paying
crop?
Farmer Summer boarders. Chicago
News.
Professional Adviee.
. "Doctor," said the .timid patient.
"I'm fond of the water, but I don't
want to risk taking cold. What shall
I do?"
"Take it hot." replied the wise pill
compiler. "Two dollars, please."
In the Puppy Class.
He But I am willing to wait if you
will give me some hope.
She Well, suppose you wait nine
days; perhaps your, eyes will be open
then.
Twa Kver Thus.
"The world Is backward about com
ing forward with its appreciation,"
mused the Irish philosopher. "We
never think of strewing flowers on a
man's grave until after he is dead."
Hacked to Win.
She (after the engagement) Why
were you so nervous when you pro
posed? He Oh, I was merely acting a part
I didn't want you to know how sure I
was of your answer.
Afflnence.
"Rich? . Why, she never has to think
of the matter of cost at all."
"No?"
"Not for a moment. She can afford
to wear what she likes, even though
it is something cheap."
Antomobility.
"Steam, eh? Isn't It rather noisy?"
"Oh, no. Except for a slight puffing
when it is climbing a very steep hlti
or running over an extraordinarily
large person, quite noiseless." '
Reduced Rate.
"Mamma, give me a penny, please,
for a glass of lemonade."
"But dear, If it's only a penny, it
can't be good."
"Yes, it is, but they're selling it
cheap 'cause a dog fell in it"
No Reciprocity.
Fairy in the pink shirt waist Reg
gie boasts that you're his best girl!
Sweet young thing in blue Maybe I
am, but he ain't my best feller by a
long shot
Recosrnized at Last. .
He But what reason have you for
refusing to marry me?
. She Papa objects. He says you are
an actor. ' :
He Give my regards to the old boy
and tell him I'm sorry he isn't a news
paper critic.
Self-Approval. '
"Well," said the detective, "there Is
one thing upon which we :may con
gratulate ourselves in this case."
"Why, you haven't even found an
Important clew." ;
"That's just it We can rest as
sured that no innocent person is go
ing to suffer." Washington Star.
Front Experience.
"Rudolph, dear, the people next door
wish to borrow our lanterns for a lawn
fete."
"Don't lend them."
"But they can't hurt the lanterns."
"Oh, you don't know. If you loan
them the lanterns they'll want to bor
row tables, cloths," knives and dishes.
Then as our lawn Is larger than theirs
they'll want to borrow that Afterward
they'll ask our children to help out as
waiters." '
Womanlike.
Mrs. Popley What " do you think?
Baby spoke her first word to-day!
Mr. Popley Well, well! And It won't
be many years before she'll be hav
lng the last word. Philadelphia Press.
' A Synonym.
David Warfleld, the actor, was a very
promising scholar as a lad when he
attended the public schools of San
Francisco.
"I remember an examination," said
he, "which was .the hardest thing I
ever had to get through. The teacher,
I understand, has kept some of my an
swers, which she says are much more
humorous than edifying. 'Among a
bunch that she sent me recently waa
my answer to the query What is a
synonym?' It ran: ... ;
",'A synonym Is a word, we use In
place of one we don't- know, how ta
spell' '" ' ' "t : '
rClevef; wasn't it? ' Yet a lot of fel
lows appropriated that as their own,
and, Belasco says other fellows were
just as bright as I was, years before I ,
was born. Isn't that discouraging to a
budding genius ?' St Louis Globe.
Democrat , , .'.
It is - estimated that half the vln
crop of France was destroyed by th
frosts of April.