Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, December 03, 1901, Image 4

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    A Question T Aj.
Freddy And can you really and
truly remember Abraham Lincoln?
-Grandpa Why, yes, -of course.
You see, I'm a great deal older than
you are. - . ' ;.
Freddy Say, grandpa, how old
will I have to be before I can remem
ber him?
A Masculine lady's Maid. :
A Bostonian while exploring the
files of a paper printed in his town a
century ago came across this ratner
startling advertisement : "H. Sogers
informs those ladies who wish to be
dressed by him, either on assembly
-or ball days, to give him notice the
previous day: Ladies who engage to
and don't dress must pay half price."
When the Proportion b Right
"But true love, you kow," urged
the young man, "can' live on bread
and cheese and kisses."
"That may be true when the pro
portion is right," returned the prac
tical old gentleman, "but, unfortu
nately, in your case, it is about nine
tenths kisses," Chicago Pwt.
riTO rarmuKiitlT Cn
Ilia aftM-flntdar'aueofDr.KJie.'iGraatNarn
KaMorar. Bend for FRKE S -i.X) trll hjotU. and treat-
M. iia.n.ii.jmB.irfa..wi Arcn8u.r-mian.ipnis.r
A Mere Formality. , ;
Haddon Erve I want to marry
your daughter, sir.
Mr. Goldrox H'm ! What are your
pros pec tsT
Haddon Erve Fine. She's willing,
so it doesn't much matter what any
one else says. Philadelphia Press.
Claiming Her Privileges.
"I want it understood, mum,"
said Bridget before signing with her
new mistress, "that I shall have me
reg'lar afternoons off during the hot
weather without prejudyce to me va
cation of wan week in October, mum"
Chicago Tribune.
Well Received.
Simpson We went out last night
to serenade the Perkins girls.
Hopkins Did it go off all right.
- Simpson Their father threw half
a dollar down to us and said please
"play till daylight maybe it would
help him to get some sleep. Chicago
Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow's Sooth.
In Syrup the best remedy to use tor their
wnmreu uuxiug uw Kvuuag perum.
"Henry! Henry I" whispered the
wife of the good citizen, "there's a
robber in the house." ,
"Lot's of them," replied Henry,
"in the house and : senate, too, but
they ain't a circumstance to those in
the city councils." Philadelphia
.Tress. . - ';. ... . . . ... -:
". Each Anxious to Try. " -
"Fame," said the man with the
Melancholy eye, "is . but ah empty
"Yes," answered the5 friend with
long hair "But every man has the
idea that if he could get hold of it he
could turn it into a dirigible balloon.
Washington Star ' ;
: ; Noblesse Oblige.
"What are you staring at, NellieT"
"Oh, please, ma'am, with your hair
like that and your diamonds you do
look so like Lady Plantagenet Ging
ham that I was own maid to I Are
you any relation, ma'am?"
"No at least no near relation
But' you can have - that pink silk
shirt waist ol mine, Nellie.
I do not believe Piso's Cure for Con
sumption has an equal for coughs 'and
colds, Johs F. Boykb, Trinity Springs,
ino,., teo. la, law.
. Hard Reputation.
"You are wanted in a hurry at Mr.
Gazzam s! " cried the - youngster,
"Are you sure they sent for me?"
asked young Dr. Killiam.
"Yes; they said you could not do
any harm, as Mr. Gazzam 's dying
now. Philadelphia Tress.
'y- Poor Start in Life. '
"When I started out in life
didn't have a dollar to my name,
said the man who boasts.
"That's notihng," answered' his
satirical friend. "When I started
out I didn't even have all my name
It was several weeks before I , was
christened." Washington Star.
Just So.
Little Elmer (who has an inquiring
mind) rapa, what is nrmness?
Prof. Broadhead The exercise of
willpower, my son.
Little Elmer WelL sir, and what
is obstinacy?
Prof. Broadhead The exercise of
won't power, my son. Puck
There is more Catarrh In this section of the
country than all other diseases put together,
and until the last lew years was supposed to be
incurable. For a erreat manv Tears doctors rtro.
nonnced it a local disease, and prescribed local
remeaies, ana dt constantly railing to euro
with local treatment, pronounced it incurable.
Science has proven catarrh to be a constitu
tional disease, and therefore requires constitu
tional treatment. Hall's Catarrh Cnre, man
ufactured by F. J. Cheney h Co., Toledo, Ohio,
is the only constitutional cure on the market.
It is taken Internally in doses from 10 drops to
a teaapoonfuL It acts directly on the blood
and mucous surfaces of the svstem. Thev offer
one hundred dollars for any case it fails to
cure. Bend for circulars and testimonials. Ad.
dress, f. J. CHENEY CO., Toledo, O.
Bold by Drugrlsts, 76c.
Hall's Family Pills are the best.
No Gnawing Hunger to Forbid.
Brown I wonder why big strikes
always come on or come off in
hot weather?
j ones un, in not weatner a man
generally gets the idea that he could
. sustain life on pump water Chicago
News From the Interior.
'The new telegraph editor
is a
"He heads an account of the can-
' nibal islanders eating the Germau
scientists, 'Trouble in Their Midst'
Cleveland Plaindealer
Short Storie$
Bishop Phllpotts, of Exeter, once
went to stay with a friend In Devon
shire. "It's a beautiful place, is It notr
remarked somebody upon his return.
Yes," said the Bishop, "it is a beauti
ful place; if It were mine, I would pull
down the house and fill up the pond
with it That would remove two ob
jections." - '
Attorney Isldor Bayner, one of Bear-
Admiral Schley's counsel In the court
of inquiry, was once Interrupted by
Thomas B. Reed, while making a
speech in favor of a reduction of the
tariff, with the remark: "Did not the
gentleman hear my speech Saturday?"
No," replied Banner, "I was at home
preparing a speech of my own.".
It is related that Fechter was more
than 'once the victim of an outspoken
London gallery-god. On one occasion
in a melodrama, the tragedian, was
slowly paying over a sum of money to
the villain. Everything depended upon
whether he had sufficient money for his
purpose, and the paying out was most
deliberate so deliberate, Indeed, that
a member of the audience, wearying of
the scene, enlivened the proceedings by
yelling: -. "Say, Mr. Fechter," give him a
check." ' .
Once, when the Secretary of War.
Elihu Boot, had approved a punishment
of an offender in the Philippines with
a severity which seemed somewhat dis
proportionate to the crime, a visitor
ventured toask him whether he did not
consider such a penalty a good deal
like the old law of ' England which
hanged a man for stealing a- sheep.
'Certainly," was the.answer, "and we"
impose it in the same spirit, not as an
expiatory sacrifice, but as a preventive.
The thief was hanged, not because a
stolen sheep was regarded as worth a
human life, but in order that more
sheep should not be stolen." ., '-'
When President Roosevelt was a po
lice commissioner of New York, In
1895, Dr. Ahlwardt, the anti-Semitic
agitator from Berlin, visited the me
tropolis. Not a few of the New York
anti-Semites came to Roosevelt in
alarm lest the Jews should rise and
mob the orator on the night of his first
address. The commissioner's response
was to select from the whole police
force a squad of Hebrews whose physi
ognomy bespoke their race most con
spicuously; these officers he placed In
charge of the hall where Ahlwardt was
to appear, with a reminder that in this
country of free speech they could show
their good citizenship in no more strik
ing manner than by protecting the very
man who had come to hurl contempt
and abuse at their people. The effect
of this bit of comedy was to make Ahl
wardt ridiculous, and cause his whole
crusade to fall pitifully flat. f ,
A wealthy American who took the
waters at Carlsbad this summer was
given minute instructions by his phy
sician, who dismissed him with this in
junction: "As for smoking, you must
limit yourself to three cigars - daily;
three light cigars and no more." 'After
a few days, the patient visited his phy
sician, who asked: ' "Well, and how are
your "I should be all right," replied
the patient, "but your orders about
smoking are difficult to follow." "I am'
sorry," the doctor said, categorically,
"but no more than three cigars a day.
You must Just put up with it." r "But,
doctor, it really Is an awful business.
Wouldn't two a day do? I feel ill every,
time I smoke." v "Why, man, what in
the world do you smoke for at all, If
that is the case?" the doctor roared.
"But,, doctor, wasn't it you yourself
who said three cigars a day and no
more?1 Of course, I thought they were
part of the cure, and began upon them,
though I never In my life smoked be
North Carolina Woman Marries Couple
in Husband's Absence.
Squire Wade Balles is a North Caro
lina Trial Justice who lives in : the
neighborhood known as Stewarttown,
which is twenty miles from any town.
Half of his house hangs in Chester
field County, South Carolina, and the
other in the Tar-Heel State.
The State of North Carolina requires
a license to be obtained for marriages.
In South Carolina there is no such re
striction. - ' ' '-'
Because of his location Balles' has
found that fees for marriages consti
tute a large part of his Income." .
North. Carolina couples who are un
able or unwilling to pay for a license.
or. who are In an especial hurry, are
invited into the South Carolina side of
the house' and there the service is per
formed. " " - '
Everything went smoothly until a
few days ago. In the absence of the
magistrate a young couple drove hasti
ly up and demanded marriage in South
Carolina. The squire s wife tosd them
her husband was away. She said that
she could perform the' service, as she
knew it by heart, and also knew the
sliding scale of charges. . .
The young persons were satisfied;
they were taken into .the house and
Several days later, says a Philadel
phia North American special,'' the girl's
father heard that a woman had played
minister at his daughter's marriage. He
promptly procured a license and a
preacher and had the knot retted.
Mrs. Bales has been notified not to
do any more marrying, but she cannot
understand why.
Not Interested in Hay.
"They say the hay crop this
will be immense."
"How about the gasoline crop?"
"The what?" .
"Hang it, man, didn't, you know
that I had bought an automobile?"
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Sentimental Beasene that Le id People
to the Cutler' chop,
A man of ah inquiring turn who had
read on the front of a cutler's shop the
sign, "Pocket Knives Bebladed and Re
handled," and who recalled the fact
that, when he was a boy, he used t
get a new blade put in sometimes when
he broke one out of his knife, found,
upon inquiry, that boys still get new
blades put In knives as they used to,
but that, as a matter of fact, the peo
ple who have pocket knives repaired
are mostly older persons, and that the
knives are likely to be valued for their
"I've carried that knife for fifty
years," says one gentleman, and he
hands over a knife that he's carried
since he was a boy, and that he'd hate
to lose. ; .- - - ' ' '-
Many knives brought In for repairs
are prized because they are gifts; . or
they were bought in some foreign coun
try, or they just suit the hand of the
man that uses them. There are various
more or less sentimental reasons why a
man may prefer to keep the old knife
rather than discard it for a new one.
Then it may be that in- some other
cases the knife is too valuable to
be thrown away. So that first and last
and for one reason and another out of
the vast number of pocket knives car
ried a good many come In to be mended.
The repairs made to pocket knives
are of a varied character. They may
consist, for example, in the putting on
of one new pearl side on a pearl-handled
knife to replace a side cracked or
flawed. With long use the blade at the
hinged end or the spring in the handle
or the rivet by which the blade Is held
may get worn so that the knife blade
won't , close properly, or may be the
spring Is no longer as It should be.
flush with the back of the knife. In fact.
a great many-things can happen to a
pocket knife, and of course the more
blades the more things can happen, but
the cutler repairs them all.
The phrase "rebladed and rehandled"
suggested, of course, the idea of a complete-renewal,
and the Inquirer won
dered if it might not be possible that
with the repair of a knife In one part
and another such a renewal might oc
cur. And the cutler said that not only
was It possible, but that sometimes It
actually did happen that with succes
sive renewals' of its various parts the
whole knife came sometimes to' be en
tirely renewed, and there was left of
the original knife nothing. ;
Locating Smokeless Guns.
. The English war office's new scheme
for the training of Tommy Atkins In
maneuvers embraces many novelties,
which will in due course see the light
of practical demonstration. Among
these none is' more . interesting or
fraught with greater possibilities than
the device fo training soldiers to lo
cate guns firing smokeless powder.
Arrangements are being .made to
carry out experiments in this direction
at Aldershot, and the sappers have al
ready constructed an ingenious battler
field upon Ash Ranges, which - will
make field firing very realistic. In the
trial to come an infantry . force will
approach the ranges, and will imme
diately be fired upon by distant guns.
Endeavor will be made to locate the
field pieces and the Infantry will move
forward in cover. 1 As they advance
surprise targets representing cavalry
and mounted infantry will spring upon
flank and front, an armored train will
run out, and all the features of a mod
ern battle-field will ' be ', represented
against the s advancing force. This
method will call for -great Initiative
from commanders, and the targets will
be so made, that good shooting will be
recorded by the targets being knocked
over. . "v
As an inducement to make infantry
take cover a new device has been
adopted. Artillerymen are to accom
pany : the advancing columns, and
when a distant gun fires its dnmmy
shell they will produce a correspond
ing explosion among the attackers by
means of a small mortar thus teach
ing the lesson of cover and caution as
no other -means short of live shell
could do. London Express.
: found Fortune and Liove. -'
One of the most interesting romances
of the great Southwest has recently
come to light, and Miss Maxine Double-
day, a young school-teacher at the lit
tle town of Laurel Valley Tex., is the
heroine. " Many iyears ago Maximilian
Doubleday was in love with the girl's
mother. When she married his brother
he enlisted in the Southern army and
the family lost trace of him.
The soldier, however, always kept his
sweetheart's picture. " Later he had a
life-size portrait of it made and of re
cent years it has hung in a costly frame
In his : handsome castle at Cordova,
Mexico. - It was this picture which led
to the discovery of his niece..
: She has since her father's death sup
ported herself and ; mother by : her
school-teaching in ' ' the little Texas
town. A few months ago she went on
a visit to Brazos County. ' There' she
met a young man, Xee Payson.i'Who
told her of her marked resemblance to
the portrait of a beautiful woman
whom a friend of his loved In-his
youth. - . .
"And it Is a curious fact," the young
man added, "that his name is the same
as yours Doubleday, Maximilian Dou
bleday." - '
" ' "Why; I wonder If it can be my lost
uncle!" the girl exclaimed.' Further In
quiry proved that such was the fact
. A reconciliation - followed, v The
wealthy Doubleday found his boyhood
sweetheart, who is now his wife. He
has made his niece his heiress and she
is soon to wed Payson, the young man
instrumental In bringing about all this
good fortune. , ' j -
A Sand Bow.
. A curious phenomenon was recently
witnessed from the Antelope Island, in
the Great Salt Lake,.U..S. .One after
noon a gentleman -saw what appeared
to be a fine rainbow between the island
and the mainland," yet no rain was fall
ing anywhere in the locality. - The bow
was double the breadth of an ordinary
rainbow, ..and there was a secondary
bow above it On looking into the mat.
ter he traced the bow to a cloud of
sand from the shore of the lake. The
sand Is "oolitic," to use a geological
word, and the pearly spherules reflect
ing the sunlight produced the bow. V
A Wonderful Well. 1 .
M. E. A. Martel, the French explorer
of caverns, whose discoveries under
ground have attracted much attention,
reports that he has, found in the De
partment Hautes Alpes a cavity in the
form of a "natural weiyjhe depth of
which exceeds , that 61 . any other
known. He has sounded it to the depth
of about-1,027 feet, but the actual bot
tom has not been reached.
Whenever you hear a girl refer to a
man as an Idiot it's dollars to dough
nuts that she is in love with him and
he is in love with some other glrL
True wit never gives birth to 111
thoughts. :
ten mmm n
; lj..'!....dcWi'.
E l - Mtaaujoocit. fok rt0 tomcco.
tar :'- - M't
HOTsrrauvc ftArro.
. ftUltrAIH KM.
m 'match box:
. - rjtnnt xrr LjSa& '
- . 3S7HBS. - - ;
- E. Rice, areenville," J. T.," Good Luck,"
"Cross Bow," "Old Honesty," Brandy wine,"
"Jolly Tar," "Standard Navy." "Planet," "Nep
tune," Razor," Tennessee Cross Tie," Granger
Twist:" 0
(Two " Granger Twist " tags being equal to one of others mentioned.) -
Our new illustrated
FOR 1902 "
will ineTudemany articles not shown here., itwiU contain the
most attractive List of Presents ever offered for Tags, and will
be sent by mail on receipt of postage two cents. -. -(Catalogue
will be ready for mailing about January 1st, 1902.)
Our offer of Presents for Tags will expire Nov. 30th, 1902.
- ' ' 1 t-.'S-. i . ; ' j li
j . Write your name and address plainly on outside of packages
containing Tags, and send them and requests for Presents to .- -
C.Hy. BROWN, ;
- 421 FolonTAve. j
vV St. Louis, Mo. .
bcesTtAtr0tia. "
3S Tit.
inn Maeit
o TAQt. tiiuuMuafstnue mmiAceo.
Susa SJtcu oetf ft rAes
1 1 1
salt amo Pppt ser.
3a a
J.S00 rAcs. f JQ2
. SlXtACJT. -.
: v 1 r- a -a
' 75 TAGS,
..' - ' .. . 1 . 1 '.Vvi B
Terrible Pressure.
"The barbarians buried their pris-.
oners in a. kind of cement that con
tracted as it hardened. - You can't
imagine how horrible it must have
been." ..V
"Oh, yes l ean.' I have been in a
tight bathing suit when -. it started to
shrink. "Chicago News. ' - i v
Pain, Suffering, Wizard Oil could not
live together, so pain and suffering
moved out. Ask your druggist about it.
w A Sure Cure. -, v ." ,.
"And you say that- Jorkins was
cured of a bad case of insomnia , by
suggestion?" - --
. "Yes, purely by suggestion..- His
wife suggested that since he could
not sleep he might as ; well sit up
and amuse ' the baby-- It - worked
like a - charm." , Chicago Record
Herald. ' ' ' .
Sore On the Old Man.
"He said he'd rather " go to jail
than pay his divorced wife's alimony."--."
-. ' -. '
"Did she let him go?" ; ;
"Yes; she said she'd rather see
him save his money behind the bars
than, spend it over them." Cleve
land Plain Dealer. -
A Light Repast
Hungry Horace Kind lady, can't
ye gimme somepin ter eat? I ain't
ate nothin- .sence day before yester
day. . ....... . ; -
Kind Lady And what . did you
eat then?
Hungry Horace Nothin but de
market report in an old paper.
Net Entirely Mutei ? "
He What I feeJfifoT you,! Muriel,
I; can never tell you in words. True
love is silent. .. , . .-.
: ; Muriel Oh, no I assure you. it
speaks to papa.
Colonies as Kingdoms. 1
Queen Elizabeth was ' commonly
spoken of as queen of Virginia. Vir
ginia and. Carolina were kingdoms
under the Stuarts. Massachusetts
was recognized as ; a . sister- kingdom
by Cromwell's parliament.
..... THE BEST
Mart su -.u. .
Patents-Send no Money
BHt a model or drawing with a description,
a- d we will advise yon. J. S. Duffie CDCC
A Co., (Dept. A) Washington, ft C rKUC
I bUHtS BtttKt U tLSt rAILd, t
I Beat Cough Syrup. Tastea Good. Use f 4
m iime. nom dt anifrertAta.
In time. Bom br t
' '' 12B Smcor.d ttt.,- Nmmr Wamhlneton, Porfiand, Oregon.
Tho Leading' and Reliable Furriers of the - Northwest
" - Far Coats, Capes, Collarettes, Boas, Etc.,-Made in all the Fashionable lura.
' t - - ,,.Fur Trimmings. ...Robes and Rugs. Bend lor Catalogue.
Furs remodeled and repaired, Write ns.. ....... . -
. ..Columbia University...
Academic and Collegiate Halls. t :
COURSES Classical, Llterarr, Scientific and
Commercial. For particulars apply to
: REV. E. P. MURPHY, President, ' .'
University Park, Portland, Oregon.
Bright Man Wanted -
'WANTED A bright young manor
woman to represent ns in each local
' ity. ' A good opportunity for steady v
and lucrative em plovment. Address,
" 10 Lewis Building,
8th, and Morrison Sts., - PORTLAND, ORE
Summer Resolutions
WWW T ifcMsir
Hu ball Leannft- In tnrn-table.
Turns free.T to the wind.
Baa bearings in rust in1 wheel. Infratrtn'
lightest running- qualities, and renervmg
greatest amount of power for pumping,- -
oaifBuiivu Klici iiiavi 11 s ' uv lufctiiiioi
with galvanized bolts double-nutted;, no
part can rust or get loose and rattle.
Weight regulator;- perfect- regulation.- No":
spring to change tension with every ctmnge
of temperature, and crow weaker with age.
Repairs alwavs on hand. .
These things are worth money to vou.
Then why not buy a STAR? , -
JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon,
Itootof Morrison Street.
Can crive tod tha best barff&ina In
Bngeies. Flows. Boilers and Engines,
Bf sr ' 0 I niu'imun ami ramD! ana (General
t KCGiGy wliSQ Machinery. See ns before baying, " -
fm relief from llqaor, opinm and tooeoss)
. .raw uena ioi paruouian so
Moved to 420 Williams
Av:t Fortland, Oregon.
Keeley Institute,
N. P. N. TJ.
K. 481901.
WHEN writing to advertisers plessa
mention tbls paper.