AN AUTUMN SONGL
Again the old heraldic pomp
Of Autumn on the hills;
A scarlet pageant in the swamp;
Low lyrics from the rills;
And rich attar in the air
That Orient morn distills.
Again the tapestry of haze
Of amethystine dye
Encincturing the horizon ways;
And from the middle sky
s The iterant, reverberant call
Of wild geese winging by.
Again the viols of wind
Attuned to one soft theme
Here, every harden left behind.
Oh, love would It not seem
A near approach to paradise
To dream and dream and dream!
Woman's Home Companion.
t
A NATURAL SEQUENCE I
LITTLE girl stood In front of a
rose-covered cottage pensively
trying to bore a hole through her
Happy straw bat with a amall fore
finger. Opposite her stood a tow-haired
boy, perhaps a year older.
"I'm goln' away to-morrer. Blossom,"
announced the boy mournfully.
"Are yer?" said the girl soberly.
"Yep. It's an awful long way most
200 miles, pa says." Then, after a
pause: "Don't see how I'm goin' to
marry yer when I'm away down in
New York."
"O, soldiers is sent everywhere," said
the girl wisely, "and nurses, too. I'm
goin' to be a nurse when I grow up."
"Well, I'm goin' to be a soldier, sure,
cause pa said I might, and when I'm
n major or a colonel I'm comln back
with a regiment to get yer and " :
"There's ma callin'. It's time to go
Eddie."
"Good-by, Blossom."
There was a timid kiss and two heavy
little hearts wended their way home
ward.
It was a terrible day. The hot Cuban
sun beat mercilessly down upon the
group of tan-suited "Americanos" lying
flat on their stomachs, creeping, creep
ing, ever nearer and nearer the thicket
where the Spanish sharpshooters lay
hidden,
"Easy boys," whispered the captain;
"Jenkins' company will draw 'their Are
in a minute."
With a sigh of relief the men lay flat.
The long rank grass cut their faces and
the yellow sand filled their eyes and
added fresh agony to their already
parched throats. Down at the end of
the line a man was cursing because a
sharp stone had bruised his leg.
But their rest was only for a moment.
Far in the rear they heard a hoarse
cheer. Then a volley of bullets flew
high over them, and was answered by
the crack, crack of the Spanish Maus
ers.
"Now, boys," whispered the captain
again. Over their heads the firing was
fast and furious, but the little group
crept on, almost to the very fringe-of
the thicket
. "Now! at 'em, boys," roared the cap
tain. The whole command rose to their
feet. With a wild cheer, they rushed
forward. With hoarse oaths they threw
themselves on the sallow - group of
sharpshooters. There was the rapid fir
ing of heavy revolvers, answering
shrieks of wounded men, groans and
prayers. Out into the open air ran the.
enemy, only to be shot down by Jenk
ins' men in front.
In five minutes it was all over, and
the Americans were gathering together
to count their numbers,
"That was quick work," grunted the
lieutenant, as he wiped the powder
stains from his face. "Where's Ma
son?"
"Where's Capt Mason?" shouted the
sergeant.
"Here he is," answered a hoarse
voice, and a burly private appeared
with his arm around the captain, al
most dragging him along.
The officer's face was white, and he
said, as he clenched his white teeth to-
nether: "I guess they ve done for me,
Tom, this time."
"Nonsense," said the,, lieutenant,
roughly. "Up with him, boys; easy,
easy," and as four of the privates lifted
him to their shoulders they retraced
their way back through the long grass
to their own lines, and there, in the
shade of the hospital tent, they tender
ly laid down their burden and left him
to the care of the surgeon,
All night long they worked over him
the doctor and a sweet-faced woman
with a red cross on her arm. As the last
bandage was fastened and the doctor
rose to go his rounds he said: "He
won't last till to-morrow." The nurse
said nothing, but as the tent door flap
ped behind him she muttered rebel
Jiously: "He will last till to-morrow,
and a good many more to-morrows."
i Early the next morning the wound
ed man opened his eyes, to find a worn-
ian bending over him. He looked up
weakly and would have spoken, but she
jput her hand over his mouth, and said,
quite caimiy: n umy Blossom
(You're hurt, and I'm going to take care
f you. I told you I Was going to be
la nurse,
1 He smiled faintly, and fell into a gen
tle sleep, with her hand clasped tightly
an his.
. Two days later as the fussy little doc
tor came his rounds ne announced,
(with a considerable degree of self-satisfaction:
"Mason is going to live, Miss
kjarvill. Didn't think I could pull him
(through, but I did after all."
! The nurse smiled, inscrutably, ..but
said nothing.
They were sitting just Inside the tent
idoor waiting, for orders to embark on
Ithe transport.
I His right arm was still in a sling, but
foils left hand vainly sought to rest on
- ihers, which she promptly removed.
i "What are you going to do when you
are 'mustered out,' Blossom?" he asked.
. "I'm Miss Carvlll, now people are
well again," she observed, speaking to
no one in particular.
' "But I am not well yet," he objected.
1 "Yon are going to be. What's the mat
ter? Aren't you glad?" she demanded,
as his face fell.
i "I don't know; that depends," he said,
significantly.
As the girl made no answer, be went
on remlniscently; "Do yon remember
MRS. OROVER CLEVELAND
- inn, M r -i fii-a,,, - -' ' "
The above picture -is rrom the latest
Mrs. Grover Cleveland, who for two terms was mistress of the White House and
recognized as the most beautiful woman in the national capital. This picture
shows that Mrs. Cleveland still has remarkable beauty, although she has changed
considerably in appearance since she was
stouter and her features are fuller than
However, the change has in no way detracted from the beauty of the ex-Presi
dent's wife. She retains the beauty which
years she was the leader of official life
younger, and if anything more beautiful,
the day I left for New York? You said
we would be sure to meet again. I sup
pose we ought to get married. We've
been engaged most fifteen years."
"Well, I like that," gasped the girl.
"So do I," said the man' placidly;
"there might have been some one else
to marry if I had not promised you
first."
The girl's eyes twinkled. "You said
you were going to come for me with a
regiment," she suggested.
His good arm had slipped around her
now. "So I did," he said, meditatively.
"Well, I suppose I shall have to if you
won't come any other way." Then, as
he drew the sun-tanned face close
down to his own, he said: "But don't
you think it would be most embarras
sing nnder the present circumstances?"
And Blossom thought it would. In
dianapolis Sun.
"JACK" HAVERLY IS DEAD.
Kind
id Generous and Famed as a
Theatrical Manager.
In St Mark's Hospital, Salt Lake
City, "Jack" Haverly, one of the most
interesting characters of the American
stage, died. He had
been ill for several
months and heart
disease was the im
mediate' cause of
death.
His career exem
plifies the ups and
downs of life and es
pecially of the the
atrical business. Ac
cording to bis own
"JACK" HAVERLF.
statement he. had
been rich and poor seven times. r "A
man ought to be ashamed to go broke
the seventh time, now oughtn't he?"
he was wont to say.
About 1843 he was born at Belle-
fonte, Ohio, and had to fight the battle
of life alone from the start. As a boy
I he sold newspapers, bananas and pea-
nuts on trains running out of Chicago.
. When 18 he conceived the idea of start
ing a show and had the money to back
his scheme. His first attempt was at
minstrelsy with "Happy" Cal Wagner
as the. star. Success followed and Hav
erly adopted the policy of securing the
best talent regardless of price. His
headquarters were in Chicago, but he
owned and controlled theaters in other
cities. At one time hi sdaily income was
between $10,000 and ?20,O00. At va
rlous times his fortune was estimated
at half a million. At the time of his
death he was engaged in a mining en
terprise, but It is believed was pos
sessed of little, if any, wealth. - .
He made money rapidly and in addi
tion to being generous and a princely
liver, was always devoted to his wife,
and was noted for his sterling hon
esty.. .".'-'
TOM REED TOOK A CARRIAGE.
Intended to Walk, bnt the Driver's
Humor Caught Him.
A tall, portly, dignified citizen arrived
In New York the other day, and having
WHAT PEOPLE OF VARIOUS NATIONS SAVE.
Aa far as banking capital is concerned the United States leads, but in the
matter of savings we do not show np so well. The amount at presint invested
in British banks is $16 oer capita.- Denmark's savings work out at an average of
$52 per head. Switzerland comes second with $39. Norwegians are third wth
$26 a head, and then comes the German with $25. - . The richest nation of all.
the United States,
less economical
5 5 2 J
DOLLARS
0"UATIOr(
AS SHE LOOKS TO-DAY.
and one of the best photographs of
first lady of the land. She has grown
her former photographs represent. .
made her conspicuous during the
in Washington, and to-day she looks
than ever before.
no luggage but a light traveling satchel,
was utterly oblivious to the appeals of
the hackmen as he emerged from the
New York Central station. :-
Pee thvanoo hotel? Fifth avanoo
goin' ritaway! Fifth avanoo?"
Mr. Dignity stalked right oh without
word. Another knight of the whip
charged down upon him.
Say, Denis! Say, Denis? This way
for the Say Denis!"
No response from the traveler and
not a muscle moving in his face. Then
there was a rush of half a dozen.
Kerridge, sir, kerridge? Wanter
kerridge?"
"Waldorf Astorier! Take a kerridge
for the Waldorf!"
"Holland House, sir!"
"Huffmun House! Huffmun"
"Broadway Cintril! Right' on Broad
way! 'Ere you are, kerridge. sir?'
The traveler loomed up like a ten-pin
among vinegar cruets,- and with face
as placid as a pan of milk was calmly
and silently moving away from the
crowd of hawks, who looked after him
with something like amazement, when
a sudden thought seemed to strike one
of the knights of the whip, who ran
after the portly gentleman, and, seizing
his traveling bag, cried': "Deaf an'
dumb asylum, sir? Goin' right up!"
This was too much. ' Dignity relaxed
into a cherubic smile, and the 'witty
hackman had the honor and profit of
driving Thomas B. Beed, ex-Speaker of
the House of Representatives, to his
home. Chicago Inter Ocean.
TO BE IN CHARGE.
Marquis of Cholmondeley Will Manage
Kins: Kd ward's Coronation.
King Edward has appointed George
Henry Hugh, Marquis of Cholmonde
ley, to the office of Lord Great Cham
berlain, subject to
the decision of the
House of Lords in
the controversy as
to who is entitled
to the office, there
being several
claimants by right
of Inheritance. If
the House of
Lords confirms
King Edward's ap
pointment, as it is
believed It will
the Marquis " of
CHOLMONDKLET. Ijliuiujuuueiejr win
be one of the most Important men in
London next year, for as Lord Great
Chamberlain he will have charge of
the coronation ceremonies in'Westmin
ster Abbey, Including the invitation
list - '- -'- ---' " ;-
He Felt Safe. 'V
Mrs. Slimson Don't you know, Wil
lie, if you are naughty you won't go to
heaven? - "
"Oh, I don't know. " Uncle" Jake was
the meanest man I ever heard of, but
you say he Is in heaven now." Life;
Many a man looks Insignificant when
his wife is with him.
takes fifth place with $22. Austrians are
than Americans, having $16 apiece to their
credit. At the lowest extreme of -the scale come, as might
be expected, Russia and Spam, -with tho
miserable totals of 60 cents and 50 cents
respectively.
I NEWS OF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST
A Good Week's Record of Commercial and Industrial
I Progress and Development in Oregon, Idaho,
Washington and California.
Railroad and Smelter for Oregon Mines.
The Helena and the Mustek Mining
& Milling Companies, of the Bohemia
district, announces that arrangements
have been completed for building a
railroad from Cottage Grove, Or.,
southeasterly, a distance of 35 miles
through a region of heavy timber to
the Bohemia mines. It Is expected i
that construction work will be com
menced this fall and that about half
the track will be laid before spring.
Connected with this, though not yet
wholly arranged for, is the project of
building a smelter, either at Portland
or in the Bohemia mining district.
The smelter enterprise is expected to
follow the completion of the railroad
and it is deemed probable that both
will be in operation in less than a year
from date.
"We have gone so far," said Presi
dent Jennings, yesterday, "that the
rest of the work is easy. We have
1500,000 assured for the railroad,
largely on the basis of the mineral
richness of the district as shown by
developments already made. Capital
is eager to build an adequate smelter,
but there would be no use for the
smelter without the railroad, so the
road is to go first. This is the natu
ral order. I have not a doubt that
the smelter will be provided when
we are ready for it. The field is too
important to be neglected and the
problem of ore, fuel and fluxes prac
tically solves itself here."
The money for the railroad enter
prise will be supplied by Eastern
capitalists.
Big Thing for Eastern Ortgon. .
William Pollman. and a number of
other Baker City men have filed on
the waters of Rock creek, and have
announced their intention to estaD
lish a power system for the genera
tion and transmission of electric pow
er to this city. It will be necessary
to construct a ditch about three miles
long, to convey the water to the site
of the power-house, where a fall of
several hundred feet can be obtained,
From the power-house, which will be
located several miles from the city,
the electric current will, be transmit
ted by means of copper wire to this
city to run mills and factories and
light the city. The company, which is
to be formed by Mr. Pollman and his
associates, will expend about $50,000
on the power plant. It expects to
have from 2000 to 5000 horsepower to
distribute. This will be all the power
that will be required in Baker City
and vicinity for several years. The
work of building : the plant will be
started as soon as the arrangements
for the necessary material can be
made. This is a very important mat
ter for Baker City and all of Eastern
Oregon.
. Will Handle Anything Afloat.
The first section of the Moran
Brothers Company's floating drydock
has been launched at the company s
yards at Seattle.
The new structure is 200 feet in
M hiSr at 'tnontoT
era 30 feet high above the pontoon,
which is 12 feet deep. It has a float
ing capacity of 3,000 tons and its own
weight is 2,000 tons. In its construc
tion there was used 1,500,000 feet of
lumber and 150 tons of iron. Centrifj
ugal pumps, operated by electric mo
tors, will be used to empty the water
compartments by which the dock is
to be lowered or raised in the water,
together with any vessel which may
be placed in it. "
Work will immediately be begun on
the second section of the dock, ana
when it is completed the two will be
used together, maiung a dock 400 feet
in length and large enough to raise
the largest vessel afloat in the Pacific
ocean, while the addition of the third
section, which is in contemplation,
will enable the company to handle
and repair the largest vessels ever
under construction anywhere in the
world.
The Guernsey Does Things.
The big whaleback steamship
Guernsey, which was the first vessel
that ever carried over 3,400,000 feet
of lumber out of " Portland or any
other Pacific coast port, left Manila
October 15 ror Portland, under char
ter to load lumber and piles for the
Orient. Unlike the most of the lum
ber-carriers which come across the
Pacific in this trade, the Guernsey is
not coming in ballast. She is report
ed to have on board 1500 tons of hemp
for Portland and San Francisco. The
consignment for the Bay City will be
landed in this city and sent to its
destination by rail. The Guernsey
has been in the service of the Pacific
Export Lumber Company for nearly
two years, and on her last trip across
the Pacific made herself famous in
marine annals by having a broken
shaft repaired , and a . new propeller
shipped in mid ocean.
- New $10,000 Church:
Work has begun on the new $10,-
000 church being constructed by the
congregation of St. Paul's Episcopal
church, at Walla Walla, Wash. The
structure is to be of stone, and will
be modern in every . particular. It
will occupy - a pretty site near St.
Paul's school, an institution of the
church. It will replace an old build
ing, the first to be erected in Walla
Walla, which, with repairs and re
modeling, has served the congrega
tion for over forty years..
Gives Engineer a Chance.
A locomotive Is now nearing com
pletion in the North . Pacific Coast
Railroad Company's machine shops at
Sausalito, which, if it shall accom
plish the sanguine hopes and predic
tions oi us inventor, will result in a
radical revolution in the construction
of locomotives. This new mechanical
prodigy differs from other engines in
that it has the engineer's and fire
man's cabs out in front instead of the
rear of the boiler, thus affording the
men in the cab an unobstructed view
Northwest Firm to Dredge Manila Harbor.
The Puget Sound Bridge & Dredg
ing Company, a Seattle corporation,
has .been notified that it had been
awarded the government contract,
valued at $2,000,000r for dredging the
harbor of Manila and completing the
old Spanish -breakwater. The com
pany will immediately ship the neces
sary dredging machinery and 1,000,000
feet of lumber to be used in construct
ing scows upon which to carry the
masonry for the breakwater to its
position. The working crews will
shortly be sent to Manila from Seat
tle. - -
Chrysanthemums Take a Back Seat.
The newest floral wonder is the
"Shasta daisy," originated by a flower
grower of California. It measures a
foot in circumference, and, when one
was exhibited recently in a florist's
window in San Francisco people lit
erally flocked to -see it.
it is really a new kind of flower, and
has been produced by several years
of crossing and selection, three differ
ent kinds of daisies being used the
common American species, the larger
and coarser European sort, and the
Japanese daisy. .
There are three rows of metals nf
the purest white, and each blossom is
upheld by a single strong and wiry
oieiu wiuua is neany two Ieet long.
One advantage of the Shasta daisy
is said to be that it is exceedingly
hardy, enduring much cold, so that it
can be grown out of doors. It is
claimed that it prospers in almost any
kind of soil, blooms all summer long
(in California nearly all the year
round) and may be rapidly multiplied
uy uinuing ine roots.
A peculiarity of this new and hen-
tifur blossom Js that it sometimes
shows colors, indicating that daisies
of various hues and of gigantice size
may oe placed on the market before
long.
To Open Boise Basin.
The railway Droiect from Rnisn
to the Boise basin is being put on a
urm iounaation. a surveying party
is in the field under the supervision
of the chief engineer of the new
company, D. O. Stevenson.
It is now Investieatine th feasibil
ity of a railway line in the More
creek canyon from the mouth of More
creek to the mouth of Grimes creek.
a distance of about 21 miles. This
Is a very bad piece of country, broken,
rocny ana precipitous, it the railway
is feasible here, it will be easy the
rest of the way.
The railway is projected chiefly be
cause of the great timber belt tra
versing a large portion of Boise
county, which the line would tap.
The mines of Boise basin, Idaho City,
Placerville, Quartzburg, Centerville,
Bannock, Grimes Pass and Pioneer
ville would add largely to the business
of the corporation, but it is entirely
upon their timber that the business
men at the head of the project figure
for sufficient revenue to justify the
line. .
Made Some Pin Money.
R. C. McCroskey. who owns and
cultivates 1400 acres of land near Gar
field, Wash., has finished threshing
his wheat and finds that he has a
total of 36,000 bushels of wheat for
this season's rop. Mr. McCroskey's
crop averaged 35 bushels to the acre.
He had about 1000 acres of wheat, the
rem'ainder of his land being in oats
or other crops. He has figured 'all
expenses of the crop just harvested
and finds that his wheat cost him
an average of 23 cents per bushel
placed in the . warehouse. He sold
15,000 bushels before the beginning
A , Vl l,nmrA4- iCI i
U8hel elt is now 40 cente
e- buahe, -nd ... M ,
the present prices Mr. McCroskey
would net 17 cents per bushel, or
$5.95 per acre from this single crop.
But adding the amount sold at 45
cents per bushel makes the total aver
age, if the remainder were sold at
present prices, $6.87 per acre net
profit. Multiplying this by 100 gives
a total net profit on this crop of wheat
or $6870. .
Gigantic Steel Mill at Everett
There is no longer any reason to
doubt the report given out nearly two
years ago that a gigantic steel and
iron mill company was in a state of
formation to build a mill on Puget
sound. Since that time the coke and
coal mines at Hamilton, Wash., near
Everett, have come under the control
of President Hill, of the Great North
ern, and further and exhaustive pros
pecting on Hamilton and Texacla
islands prove them to be liberally sup
plied with ore. Railroad and street
car building in addition to the num
erous trolley line projects has ren
dered an enterprise of -this kind an
absolute necessity. A plant to meet
all the demands sure to be made up
on it will have to be a big -one, the
estimate running up to as high as
$18,000,000. It will in all probability
be erected at Everett, or in that im
mediate vicinity.
Cuts Out Frisco.
' The Western Union Telegraph Com
pany will soon begin the construction
of a new line between Boise, Idaho,
and Pendleton Or. The new wire will
double the capacity of the line be
tween the places named. From Pen
dleton west there are several wires,
It is the intention to' put up another
wire between Ogden, Utah, and Boise,
and when that is up most of the
through business from the East to
Portland will come over this new
wire instead of going by the way
of San Francisco.
Trying a New Port
As an experiment, 2000 tons of
Washington wheat was shipped, Oc
tober 8, to the port of Callao, Peru,
from Seattle, on the big steamship
Memphis. This is the first consign
ment of this grain ever made to this
port, and the shippers are confident
that the venture will, prove profitable,
in which event other ports will be in
vaded. -
Boise's Public Building Started.
The foundation of the new govern
ment building to be erected at Boise
City, Idaho, is now completed. Sup
erintendent J. E. Hosford, superin
tendent of construction of the govern
ment building at Helena, Mont., is
here and will have charge of the Boise
building until another superintendent
is appointed. The building is being
erected by Boise contractors, the con
tract calling for completion within 22
months, and the price is $286,000. It
will be four stories, built of stone.
; New Dredger at Work. '
The powerful shovel dredger re
cently completed by the Puget Sound
Bridge & Dredging Company, of Seat
tie, has started work on the new slip
for the pier to be built on the ocean
dock : site. Unlike ' the ordinary
dredger, the machine has the shovel
fitted at : the end . of a huge beam
which is driven into the debris and
mud by means of slots into which the
play a rapidly driven cog-wheel. By
reason of its unusual size the dredger
is at present one of the water front's
chief attractions, and draws large
crowds daily. , . - -
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOES FROM THE PENS OF VA
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
Pleasant Iacldeats Occurring ths
World Over Sayings that Ara Cheer
ful to Old or Young Fnnny Baloc
Ueaa that Ton Will Bnjox
"Why, may I ask," said the contribu
tor, "do yon always put my name to the
verse I write and never to the prose?"
"Well, you know," smiled the editor,
"we can't be responsible for your po
etry." Judge.
liife-3avln fcxrtion.
"Don't you pay any attention to sum
mer athletics?"
Oh, yes; I often run a few blocks
after the Iceman when he has gone by
without leaving us any ice." Detroit
Free Press. .
- New Version.
Mother Well, Reginald, and what
was the minister's text in church to
day?
Reggie Ye cannot serve God and wo
men.
Bather Particular.
Housewife I want six logs sawed 2
feet long, five logs 1 foot long and seven
logs sawed and split into small pieces.
Tramp Madam, I think you need a
cabinetmaker. This is not in my line.
The RewarJ of Perseverance,
George I understand the Gottits had
a hard struggle to get into society.
Jack I should say they had! Why,
old Gottit had to spend nearly four
years in the Klondike! Puck.
Now He Wonders Where He's At.
Mr. Easee Dr. Newley says that eat
ing alone is not conducive to long life.
and I believe he Is right. Do you?
Miss Passe Oh! Mr. Easee, this is
bo sudden. Chelsea (Mass.) Gazette.
Incredible.
He This author should be ashamed
of himself. A married man, too!
His Wife What does he say?
He He says that a man's wife 'gazed
at him - in speechless astonishment.'
Why, such a thing is unknown In matri
mony! Tit-Bits.
A Hustler.
Madge Why did she insist on going
to South Dakota to spend the honey
moon? Marjorie So that in case they failed
to agree the month could be counted in
with the time necessary to secure a res
idence when she sued for a divorce.
Judge.
Beatine Dame Nature.
Drummer It just beats all. I'm trav
eling for an umbrella house, and every
place I've struck has been suffering
from drought
Inventor I am traveling with a rain
producing apparatus, and every town
I've struck was knee-deep in mud.
Drummer I say, let's travel to
gether. New York Weekly.
Becna-nized the Breej.
Hans Why does that old cow of
yours look at me so closely when I
pass?
Greta She may suspect you are one
of her long lost children.
A Beal Calamity.
The Father You have rescued my
daughter fron drowning, sir. What
shall be your reward? -
The Stranger Don't mention it. I'll
send you a bill. I'm a specialist from
New York. :
"Good heavens! I'm ruined." Life.
A Sense of Fitness,
Lady of the House You needn't ask
for a cup of coffee; our gas stove has
been turned off for hours.
Tramp Coffee, madame, is out of the
question. Have you any left-over sher
bet or yesterday's lemonade in the ice
chest? Detroit Free Press.
In the Year 20OO
"I fell you this literary controversy
Is becoming fierce!" '
"What literary controversy?"
"Why, over the question which was
the best advertised novel of the twen
tieth century." Puck.
- Microscopic Metaphyslc.
' Mrs. Hoyle I can read my husband
like a book.
- Mrs. Doyle You must have good eyes
to read such small type. The Smart
Set. - - - .
His Admission. " ,
"I hear that you are engaged, Gold
thorp." said Sterlingworth. "Is it time
for congratulations?" ' ;
a "Well, I won't acknowledge that,"
replied the happy young man. "but I'm
about to confer upon a certain young
lady the right to select my neckties for
me." - - t
Of No Consequence,
Husband You are as gloomy as an
owL Sulking because I can't get you
that new bonnet, I suppose.
Wife No, I was only going over
some old letters, that's alL It's nothing
of importance. Only a fit of the blues.
"What letters?"
"Love letters." . ;
"Some you wrote?"
"Some I received."
"Oh, mine, eh?"
"No, some I received before 1 met
you. ." It s of no consequence. None
at all. How is your cold?" New York
Weekly. ;
- To Avoid a c-traln. '
"Feeling blue, are you, Mr. Light
way te?" said Miss J Imp! ecu te, sympa
thetically. "You ought to do something
to occupy your mind."
"I don't mean," she added, after a
moment, "that you ought to work very
hard at anything." Somervllle Journal.
Too Dull.
"Why did you leave the last place?"
"There was no amusement, mum."
"Didn't the family have a piano?"
"Ob, yin, but they didn't hov a piece
ar breakable bric-a-brac In the house."
Cbir-ago News.
Highly Colore! Reply.
Hownder Say, old man, what make
your nose so red?
Kownder It's blushing for all the
other noses that go poking into other
people' business." Philadelphia Rec
ord. Philosophies'.
Here the man married; for be was
aweary of working.
"A better half is better than no loaf
at all'" he observed, not unphilosopui
cally. As Regards Age.
"Her fiance? He looks old enough
to know better."
"Appearance are deceptive. He is,
in fact, only old enough to be her
father."
The Poor Carthorse.
Patron On what plan is this meal
served?
Waiter A la carte, sir.
Patron A la carte, eh? That ac
counts for this steak. It's horse meat,
sure. Philadelphia Press.
Untrustworthy.
"But Jones gave you his word, didn't
he?" said Frisble.
"Yes," replied Perkasie, "but I don't
like to take Jones' word. He won't
even keep It himself."
Out of Polittcj.
pan
'An' so-.you's gone outer pollytics.
erby?"
'Dat's me, Dusty. When de price of
a free-born patriot's wote gits down to
half a dollar it's time fur decent men
to git in outer de wet."
A Vodel nice Boy.
"First of all," said the merchant to
tne youtnrui applicant, we ii uave to
test your ability as a whistler. Sup
pose you try."
....
"I'm sorry, sir," said the boy, ."but
I can't whistle at all."
"Hang up your hat," cried the mer
chant, promptly, "you're the boy we're -looking
for." Philadelphia Press.
Proof Conclnnive.
"Lida's new pictures flatter her like
everything."
"Why, I thought you hadn't seen
them?" ,
"I haven't; but she told me she had
ordered four dozen." Philadelnhia
Bulletin.
Widening the Breach. -
"I wish you and May would become
friends again," said the would-be
peacemaker.
"Well," said Fay, "if she'll make up,
I will."
"I told her you had said that, and
she said: 'The Idea! It's easy for her.
I npver saw her when Rhp wasn't iiiqHu
up "Philadelphia Press. ;
The Hiht Man.
First Politician Well, they're going
to nominate Mr. Miller. Has he a clean
record?
Second Politician Clean as a whistle.
Never was known to refuse a cash of
fer. Life.
Would Carry Conviction.
Prisoner Wouldn't It be better to let
me tell my own story? Don't you think.,
it would be believed? .
Lawyer That's just the trouble. It
would carry conviction. Philadelphia
Record.
Could Stand the Loss.
A moneyed man of Detroit was sur
prised to receive a call from a rather1
seedy-looking chap an entire stranger ;
the other day. Having satisfied the
guards that he was not a book agent,'
he was allowed to enter and state his
business, which he had insisted, in or- -der
to gain admittance, was Import-1
ant. ,
"Well, sir?" said the wealthy man,!
expectantly, as the worthy stepped in.
"Why," was the unabashed reply,
"I'd like you to indorse this note fori
me."
The man of money examined the note-'
critically, as he observed: "Why do you,
come to me? I don't know you from
Adam. Why don't you go to some one
you know?" .
"Well," was the cool reply, "I came
to you because I knew you could stand,
the loss better than anyone else I know
of."- -"v ,'..." ,
The millionaire indorsed the note,
after securing the name of the nerve
tonic his caller is using. Detroit Free
Press.
A deaf and dumb man Is apt to talk
straight out from the shoulder.