ON A ROMAN eOlN,
nere Is an old denarius from Rome
Some Caesar's head half buried
green rust
That in this polished case hath found
home.
Secure from any tarnish more, or dust
I call it "rust," this green and purple
stain
Upon the ancient silver coin but, nayl
'Tis but the copper driven out, as pain
And sorrow purge from us the dross
away. ... ...
Pure, ah! how pure this precious disk, re
fined By ages' testing! purer than the hour
When first fn the great Emperor's mint it
shined,
The glistening type of all his pomp and
power.
So we, all scarred and stained by life's
long test.
Are we not purer than the soul untried.
Whose coarse alloy doth still abuse its
best
A coin that shines, but is unpurified?
James Buckham, in Philadelphia
Times.
, EAR MISS RAYMOND The
k Magpie Dramatic Clnb, of which,
as I think you know, I am a mem
ber, has been placed in a very awkward
position by the sudden marriage of its
lt-ading lady. Will you help us out of
'our difficulty by taking her place in the
approaching performance of "A Golden
Heart?" The part of Sybil would suit
you splendidly. Perhaps you will let me
come and talk the matter over with you
to-morrow evening. If I do not hear
from you by the morning I shall conclude
I .have your permission. Believe me,
yours truly, ROBERT MORE.
Marjorie aRymond looked at the let
ter with an expression half of pleasure,
half of alarm on her pretty face.
'.'What shall I do, dad?" she asked,
appealing to her father across the
breakfast table.
vvnatever you like, of course,
Madge.. You always do, you know."
"I'm not sure what I want to do,'
said Marjorie, ignoring the latter part
of the sentence. "The worst of It is,
I've got to make up my mind at once,
because let me see, what is it he says?
Oh, here: 'If I do not hear from you by
the morning ' the morning! Why,
. that's to-day now this very minutel"
"H'm! Let me look at the envelope.
Why, that letter was only posted at
midnight, so yon couldn't possibly have
got it before this morning."
"Consequently, I couldn't possibly let
him know in time if I didn't want him
to call this evening. He might have
thought of that How stupid of him!1
"On the contrary, Madge, it was
rather clever of him," retorted Mr.
Raymond, regarding her humorously,
Miss Raymond attempted a frown,
but only achieved a smile.
"But I don't know that I care about
stepping into Miss . Montgomery's
shoes," she said. "She was quite a
star, you see, and all the male Magpies
are such shining lights; I shall feel like
a farthing dip in comparison."
"Why not talk It over with More to-
nighti" suggested her father. "Any
how, you needn't make up your mind
till then, you know, Madge. The press
ing question of the moment Is, what
are you going to have for breakfast?"
:... .
"It's awfully good of you to come to
the rescue, Miss Raymond," were
More's first words to Madge that even
ing. "But I hven't said 'Yes' at all yet"
she protested, "and I'm not sure that
am going to, either."
"Then you're far more stony-hearted
than I took you to be. Just think of my
position! Why, I've as good as prom
ised the Magpies to get you for Sybil."
"You know very well you'd no busi
ness to do so. Why, you've never even
seen me act."
"Now, remember what an infallible
physiognomist I am. You've got an
acting face; that's quite sufficient as
surance for me."
"What nonsense! I'm only a feeble
amateur tnat s wnat xom calls me
and Sybil is quite beyond me, I'm
sure."
"At least, why not have a shot at it?
It's a capital part, and you ought to
play it well. Just think of that ex
quisite scene In the third act between
Jack and Sybil. Doesn't the thought of
that tempt you?"
"On the contrary, It appals me. I hate
those sentimental bits. They don't ap
peal to me in the least 'I'm such
frightfully prosaic creature myself, you
know.
"So much the beter; then you needn1
be afraid of letting the part run away
. with yotf Come, you're not going to
be so cruel as to disappoint us?"
"Well, if you put in that way I don'i
want to De aisagreeaoie. nut l warn
you, I shall never be able to do that
love scene properly."
"You will, with practice. We can
have lots of private rehearsals, If you
like. My evenings are quite at your
disposal.
"Why, you don't mean to say you're
cast for Jack? Oh, how funny!" And
Miss Raymond burst Into a peal of
laughter.
; More looked a trifle hurt
"I don't consider the situation so very
humorous," he said. "However, I'm
glad if it amuses you."
"Oh, I really beg your pardon!" cried
the girl. . "I know I'm frightfully rude
but If there is one person In the world
more prosaic and matter-of-fact than
myself, I believe it's you, Mr. More
And the Idea of us two Impersonating
a love-sick couple! It's really too ab
surd!" And the speaker gave vent to
fresh peals of merriment
"Yes, of course, I see it now. Ha,
ha! It's awfully . funny!" retorted
More, and Joined In the laugh with
gusto that did him infinite credit. But
then, of course, More was a prominent
member of the Magpie Amateur Dra
matic Club.
!
"And you honestly think I shall do?"
asked Madge, on the day following the
first full rehearsal - of "A Golden
Heart."
"You'll do first-rate," More respond
ed, heartily. "Hartley is delighted with
you, I know. "Of course, It's against
- i.miLjK
16 utmnr
The amateur photographer who
wishes to make a name and reputation
that wlll.be worth something to him
must make a specialty of some one line
and stick to It Think the thing over
and study the particular subjects that
best suit your temperament and the
surroundings, and in which success can
best be won. George Horace Lo rimer,
editor of the Saturday Evening Post
says the condition of affairs is such
now that the man who makes a study
of and best understands some one sub
ject, even If it be no more than huckle
berry puddings, will make a better suc
cess tha"h the one with a general
knowledge of a variety of things. Go
slow and sure. Put away some of the
pictures you think all right and in a
week or two look at them again. De
fects will appear, not apparent at first
and points where an improvement
could have been made will suggest
themselves. Get some friend who Is
capable of doing so to criticise your
work honestly. This does not mean
to tell how good It is, and what a great
photographer you are, but to say
his traditions as stage manager to wax
very enthusiastic over anything."
"But that terrible third act scene! I
shall never rise to the occasion there!"
The great thing is to remember that
you've got to persuade a skeptical audi
ence that you're In love with me."
"It's very difficult."
"I dare say."
"But you've got to persaude . them,
too, that you're In love with me, and
you do It much better than fc However
do you manage It?" .
"I I really don't know."
For a man who prided himself on his
self-possession. More . looked a tri Be
awkward.
I suppose those things come more
naturally to some people than to oth
ers," Madge remarked, Innocently.
"Well, suppose we have another go at
that scene now," said More.
"Very welL Do you remember our
positions?"
Yes. You're sitting on the garden
seat there, that settee will do and
I'm standing just behind you. Now, are
you ready? Jack says: 'I love you,
Sybil' " - .-- ,'.
"Oh, do you think we need go
through all that again? You do it so
well and there's nothing for me to do
except to cast down my eyes, so I can't
very well go wrong."
"Just as you like. We'll go to the end
of Jack's little speech, then: 'Say you
hate me, Sibyl, and put me out of mis
ery" .- -- : ' -
" 'Is It such misery?" - Let me see-
does the embrace come there?"
Not yet .Jack replies: 'To know
that I have made you wretched and
myself ridiculous!' And then Sibyl
says: 'To know that you have made me
very proud and very happy.' Thaf s
where you rise and -come up to me,
taking both my hands. Jack says: 'My
darlingr Ana then we do the em
brace. Go on."
"Walt a minute. I can never get that
embrace properly," Interrupted Madge.
"Now tell me exactly, after I've taken
hold of your hands, what ought I to
dor .
"Simply put your bead on my shoul
der."
"Which shoulder?" .
"The left the one nearest to you.
That's always a safe rule. Now, then,
shall we try that again?"
"All right" : ; ' '
And Madge went through the cere
mony of embracing her companion in a
business-like fashion.
"There," she said, "that was better,
wasn't it?" - .:
'Beautiful," replied. More, gravely.
"But forgive my saying so, couldn't
you manage to put a little more feeling
Into those words; 'To know that you
have made me very proud and very
happy?' You see, the audience doesn't
know that Sibyl loves Jack, and you
have to make It as plain as possible to
them." v,-
"Oh, dear, It's SO hard!", sighed the
girL "I feel I don't say those words
HISTORIC BATES HOUSE, OF
r1--' ; - - - vVs)
! ; ... s
The historic old Bates House, Indianapolis, will be removed to make way for
a modern hotel. The old Bates will be wiped out wholly, even to its name. For
fifty years the Bates was the most noted hotel in Indiana, and for a long time it
has been one of the most famous hotels in the country. The house was built in
1852 by Harvey Bates, Sr., in whose honor it was named. ; Its first cost was
$60,000, a goodly sum for an investment of this kind in a small Western town.
A few years later improvements and additions to the cost of $75,000 were made.
-Under its various ownerships the hotel entertained many eminent men. Lincoln
stopped there before the Civil War, President Johnson spoke from its bateony,
Stephen A. Douglas was a guest within its walls, and all the noted Indiana states
men honored the hotel with their presence at one time or another. Another na
tional event in which the Bates figured was the funeral of the late Vice President
Hendricks, whose home was in this city, and to whose obsequies eminent men
came from all parts of the country. Othr famous people whose faces gladdened
its corridors are Calve, Patti, Irving, Edwin Booth, John McCullough and other
artists and actors of distinction, - : -' "- , -
mmmr
wherein he thinks it could be made
still better. Discussion along this road
Is worth a great deal.
If you are troubled with your nega
tives frilling, give up using your alum
bath which at best is rather trouble
some, and try rubbing a little vaseline
on the outer edges of the plate, and
your troubles will cease. Do not put
too much on, however, or It will become
mixed up with the developer. ;
If one's hands become stained with
developer, pour a few drops of muriatic
acid In a minim measure, and fill np
with water. Dip your fingers In this
and then wash them with hot water
and soap, 'and the stains will disappear.
The juice of a ripe tomato well rubbed
In to the hands will also remove the
stains.
Do not use old hypo. New is cheap
enough and when a fixing bath Is used
too long. It becomes highly charged
with a deposit of nitrate of silver, and
is very apt to stain the film.
properly. Tell me frankly, what's
wrong with me, do you think?".
"Frankly then, you are too self-re
strained. You won't let yourself be car
ried away with your part."
'Why, you said the other day that It
was a good thing not to be carried
away with one's part!"
"Oh, you're not going to remember
what I said more than a week ago.
surely! Besides, I merely use'd that ar
gument to induce you to accept the
part. The end justifies the . means."
'I'm annoyed with you, all the same.
You might have saved me a week's
misery. I've been so afraid of letting
the part run away with me that I sim
ply wouldn't let myself go: -I didn't
want to be inartistic."
'Please forgive me," said More, hum
bly. "I'm horribly penitent I had no
idea--"
'But now I'm simply dying to try
that scene again!" interrupted Madge,
excitedly. "Come, let's begin at the
very beginning, so that we can get
worked up to the climax!" -
"Bravo, More! Bravo, Madge! I had
no idea you could act like that" - And
Tom Raymond regarded his friend and
sister with an air of profound admira
tion. ;-':.:;
' "I I .didn't know anybody was list
ening," said Madge, looking a trifle
flushed.;
"Oh, I only came In a minute ago.'
"I'm, glad you liked It," remarked
More. -..'.-.-;.
"Liked It!" cried Tom. "My dear boy,
it was superb." -
"Awfully good of you to say so," said
More, with elaborate politeness.
"Not at all. I assure you, I mean ev
ery ,word," retorted Tom, calmly.
"Why, if I hadn't known you were act
ing, that stage kiss of yours would
have deceived me completely!"
'"By the way, More," added Tom,
turning suddenly upon his friend, "the
girl's name Is Sibyl, isn't it?"
"Yes, of course.". '
... "H'm. - You got a bit mixed at times,
that's all. So did Madge. Well, so long!
I dare say that scene wants all the re
hearsing you can give It?" With which
parting shot Master Tom took a hur
ried leave. '.-i .
Then- Madge' said, "How absurd of
Tom!" "-. "
"It wasn't so. very absurd!" More re
torted. "Why, I noticed It too."
"Noticed what?" . .-" '
"That yon said 'Robert' once or twice
Instead of 'Jack. " - : , - "...
"You know, very well you made the
same mistake,"' she added hotly. "You
called the girl 'Madge every time!"
" "It wasn't a mistake on my part,"
said Robert "I meant it" It was. a
full minute before he dared to look at
his companion. . When he did so he dis
covered that she was laughing softly.
"I'm glad you meant It, Robert," she
said, "because I meant It, too." Wom
an's Life. ... 'i'. .
INDIANAPOLIS, A MEflORY.
A, B, C AND OTHERS.
LOOK INTO THE ORIGIN
JOUR ALPHABET.
OF
Our Letters Are Mainly the Same aa
Those Used by the Bomane Earlier
Derived from Greek and Phenician
Short Study of Interesting; Subject.
Our letters are mainly the same aa
those used by the Romans, and their
alphabet was one of several derived
from the Greek," which was formed
from the Phenician. And back of that
Is a good deal of guesswork. Very like
ly the Egyptian hieroglyphic and hier
atic characters formed the base of the
Phenician letter-making. A Is the first
letter in all the alphabets that came
from the Phenician, and in that lan
guage It signified "ox"; the Greek "al
pha" means the same thing, though Its
Egyptian hieroglyphic equivalent was
a bird somewhat like the vulture In out
line. -
B" was also the second letter in the
Phenician, as in the Greek. The name
of the character was "beth," meaning
house. It has less variety of use than
any other, being more frequently si
lent aa In "dumb." or "debt" In the
original lndio-European or Aryan lan
guages "b" was rarely found. . .
"C" In the Phenician and Greek had
the value of a hard "g," as in "go," and
was similar ii the enunciation of "k"
'g" Is now. For a long time the
Latins made "e" do service for both-
k" and "g." No word containing "c"
pronounced, as "s" Is of Anglo-Saxon
origin, except a few misspelled words,
as "cinder.' which was originally "Bin
der."
In the English "D" has the same place
fourth letter and third consonant as
in the Roman, Greek and Phenician,
and is singularly uninteresting as a
study. .
"E" is an unchanging and aristocrat
ic conservative. Its form was always
pretty nearly the same as at present
Its name in Phenician was "he," which
most scholars say signified a window,
In its two quantities, as it "met" and
In ."they," it constitutes about 5 per
cent of English utterance: ;
"F" in the Phenician meant peg or
hook, and its value was that of the En
glish "w." This "w" sound gradually
went out of use in Greek, and the sign
with it. In the adaptation of the al
phabet to Latin use the sign was resur
rected, and first received the value we
give it. "
"G" is a sign of Italic origin, having
been fabricated by the Romans by add
ing a tall or drop to the "c" a transi
tion very easily detected. It never oc
curs at the beginning of words of An
glo-Saxon origin. In" medieval Roman
It stood for 400, and with a line over
It for 400,000. "-. .
"H" came from the Phenician, and
has had a curious history, in which the
cockney inability to manage it may be
traced. "H" meant 200 in medieval
Roman.
"I" may be traced to the Egyptian,
The Phenlcians represented it rather as
a consonant, but it was converted to
vowel value by the Greeks, and the Ro
mans gave It both consonant and vowel
duty. . - .. ;.'
"J" is but another form of the same
letter. They were used ;. Indifferently
until about 1630. As a numeral it had
the same value as "1," but was used
only at conclusion, as "viij," for eight.
"K" Is Phenician, and still earlier
Egyptian. . It was little used in classi
cal Latin, and is of rare occurrence in
languages derived from the Latin. As
numeral it represented 250.
"L" was a lion in the Egyptian hiero
glyphic, a figure 6 In the Phenician, and
about its present form in the Greek and
the Latin. It is the most sonorous and
continuous the most purely consonant
In sound of all our letters. - As there.
are "three R's" In land colloquialism,
so there are three "Lb"- In - nautical
phrase "lead, latitude and,- Jookout'
It is a conservative, changing little.
"M". Is an "ancient and honorable."
Its hieroglyphic equivalent away back
In Egypt; was almost a fleur de lis in
the oval outline of a bird's head a fleur
de lis minus the central branch. As a
Roman numeral It denotes 1,000. For
merly the brand of."M" was impressed
on the person of one convicted of man
slaughter. In flagrant cases the brand
was applied to the forehead. - In print
ing It is the square, the quadrate, the
unit of computation in any body of
type. .: ' "
'N": is as old, and the value of its
character has been the same through
the whole history of its use. The sign
has no variety of sounds, and there is
no possible substitute. As a numeral
Its value is 90, which becomes 90,000
when a line is drawn above the letter.
"O" in the Phenician alphabet repre-
sented a peculiarly and to us unpro
nounceable guttural, but the Greeks
made a vowel of It, though they chang
ed its form to a square instead of an
oval. It stood for 11 In the Roman nu
merals of medieval times. - .,..
:"P" was evolved from the hiero
glyphic age, and In all alphabets It has
stood for the one unvarying sound. It
has no varieties save that It is silent
at the beginning of a few Greek words,
as psalm and pneumatic. It is 400 in
medieval numerals, and an abbrevia
tion for many things. ' ,. ---'
"Q" is an ancient also. As a sign It
was abandoned in Greek. The Latin
preserved it, though Its value was the
same as that of "k." In English, as in
Latin, it Is always followed by "u." . It
meant 500 in medieval Roman numer
als." :. 4"--';;- .
"R" looked like a capital 1'A" In the
Phenician. In some languages It Is used
as a vowel. In Anglo-Saxon times "R,
if the initial letter, was given - such
force as to need an "h" In expressing
It, and was rolled to a double, so that
the form survives in such spelling as
hemorrhage, catarrh; but - now,
many localities, even among the most
cultivated speakers, no 'R' is ever real
ly pronounced at all. It was 80 as
numeral. Sir William Curtis, an emi
nent but Illiterate lord mayor of Lon
don, said, In 1825, when asked for
toast: "I will give you the three R'i
Rltlng, Beadlig and Rithmetlc"; and
he was serious, too.
"S" has lived from the beginning.
looked like "w" In Phenician. It an
swers many demands and has many
values; was 7 in the numerals, and Is
common abbreviation. -
T was the twenty-second and last
letter In the Phenician alphabet Its
value baa ever been the same. It was
100 as a numeral and was formerly
branded la the hand of a convicted
thief.
"U" was added by the Greeks, and
was written as V or aa Y. In the print
ers' case its place is supplementary, like
that of "J," and not in order. "V" Is
older, and long represented the same
value. It was 5 as a numeral, and so
remains.
"W" is both consonant and vowel."
X" comes to us from the Latin, and
was a superfluous sign there, as it was
in the Greek and is with ns. It denotes
no sound which is not fully provided
for otherwise. "Y" is an evolution
from "U," has both vowel and conso
nant values, and meant 150 in medie
val Roman numerals. "Z" dates from
the hieroglyphic age. It Is the rarest
of our consonants. Except in initials,
its every value could be supplied or is
supplied by "s." Chicago Times-Her
ald. - .
WHERE MONEY IS LOST.
Soiled Linen at the Laundry Often
Contains Large 8nms. '
It is astonishing how careless peo
ple are about sending clothes to a laun
dry without first searching them for
money and jewelry," said the manager
i laundry the other day, according
to the New York Mail-Express. "Yes
terday a woman sent a bundle of dress
es here, and in the pocket of one was
100 In bills. We never search clothing
for valuables. The dresses were put in
the washing machine, soap and water
put In, and after the machine had been
running half an hour It was opened,
and the man in charge was astonished
to see paper money floating around on
the water. The bills had in some man
ner worked out of the pocket of the
dress, and, strange to say, not one of
them was torn. We ran the money
through the drying machine and then
ironed each bill carefully. After we
got through you could not have told
that the money had been In a laundry
washing machine for half an hour. We
sent for the woman, and when she
came to the laundry she had not yet
missed her money.
Not long ago a man sent some shirts
to our laundry from the bosom of one
of which he forgot to remove a diamond
stud worth $150. Our people did not
see the diamond, and we did not find
it until he called us up and made known
his loss. Then I put my men to search
ing, and we found the diamond In the
catch basin in the sewer." -
A Whistling Spider.
H. A. Peters, one of the owners of
the Lasha way dairy farm, on the
Spencer road, while . on his way to
Spencer, Mass., captured an Immense
spider of unknown species. When Mr.
Peters first saw the spider, which was
making a bee line over the public high
way for East Brookfl eld, he was so
amazed at the sight that he rubbed
both eyes several ltmes before he could
realize that the monster was a reality.
Then, hastily grasping an empty glass
milk jar, Peters jumped from the wag
on and was about to make the stranger
a prisoner when he was startled by a
diBtinctly-audible whistle emanating
from the insect. Instantly a flock of
minute facsimiles of the peculiar spi
der came rushing from all directions.
clambering up the legs of the big spi
der, and hid themselves In the fuzzy
hair on Its back. After securing her
young Mrs. Spider assumed a defensive
attitude. Peters thrust the mouth of
the Jar over the wholes family of spiders
and made them prisoners. Hundreds
have since viewed the monster and its
offspring and all are puzzled. The body
of the large spider Is one and a half
Inches la length. The body Is black
and Is supported by eight powerful legs.
each two inches long. The head is
supplied with powerful-looking jaws,
from which two feelers half an Inch In
length protrude. The beady eyes are
jet black. r." - "
- : A Clever Scheme. "
An amusing scene was witnessed re
cently on one .of the mail boats running
from France to England. The sea was
rather rough. A young woman, pretty
and nicely dressed, appeared to be sud
denly taken very 111 with sea-sickness.
She groaned and screamed in apparent
agony for some little time. At length
a person who appeared to be a stranger
to her approached and asked whether
she would like to take a lozenge, which
he guaranteed would ease her of her
pain. He had often tried it he said, on
people, and always with the most mar
velous results. The young lady de
murred a little at first, -but finally ac
cepted the offer. Never was cure so In
stantaneous. Hardly had she swal
lowed the lozenge when the fair pa
tient was sitting up all smiles and or
dering ham sandwiches of the steward.
Some passengers were so struck with
the Incident that they inquired what
was the remedy that had such a won
derful result and the gentleman, who,
as he said, was the agent for the sale of
the lozenges, disposed of a considerable
number of boxes of them at eight shil
lings apiece.- What was the surprise of
the purchasers -when they - saw the
young lady . and her preserver go off
arm In arm on the vessel reaching Eng
land! The boxes Contained common Ju
jubes.
- Fitted to His Position.
Sir Harry Poland, a British magis
trate noted for his brilliancy, Is care
less In his dress. Once his family per
suaded him to go to Poole and order
fashionably cut suit To the chagrin of
the household Sir Harry looked more
outlandish In the new clothes than In
his old ones. His brother-in-law went
to see Poole about It "It is not my
fault sir," the tailor ; assured 'him.
"Every care was taken, but how could
we fit a gentleman who would insist
upon. being measured sitting down?"
And the only satisfaction that could
be obtained from Sir Harry Poland
himself later on was the dry com
ment: "Well, It's my business, and not
yours. I like to be comfortable. I
spend three parts of my life sitting
down, and I prefer to be measured so."
-;New York Tribune: --"';; --
. Too Slow.
.Almost the last reminder of the ro
mantic past the prairie stagecoach, is
doomed. Automobiles are to, be built
for prairie travel, the coaches being too
slow for modern travel. . , -
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Cnrlona and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Our Own Day A Budget of Fun.
First Shirtwaist Girl So yon are go
ing rowing with Mr. Floorwalker? His
trick is to threaten to rock the boat un
less you give him a kiss.
Second Shirtwaist Girl (naively)
WelL mother said she wasn't afraid to
let me go with him, as all the glrlssay
he never rocks the boat Brooklyn Ea
gle. Room for Doubt
Experienced "Servant Gentleman
wants to see you, sir.
Mr. Richman Who Is he?
Experienced Servant I couldn't find
out, sir; buCjudgln' by his clothes, he's
either a beggar or a millionaire, sir.
New York Weekly.
Chance to Bea-ln.
Old Gent My boy, I'm seventy-five
.years of age, and I have never smoked
a cigar in my life.
Boy Well, If yer likes ter f oiler me
yon can 'ave this butt when I'm done
with it." Ally Sloper.
A Hot Retort
Deacon Scrouge No, parson, I don't
rightly think we ought to give you a
vacation. You know, the devil never
takes one.
Parson Snappeigh He would, Dea
con, if you didn't keep him so busy.
Baltimore American.
May Sometimes Do.
Sllllcus Figures never lie.
Cynicus Nonsense! Did you ever
see a girl In a tailor-made gown and
then size her up in a bathing suit?
Philadelphia Record.
A Constant Reminder.
Dunlap I see you call your naphtha
launch after your wife.
Bertwhistle (working over launch en
gine, perspiring) Yes; because when
ever I want to go anywhere with it, It
takes so long before it gets ready to
start Puck.
Legendary.
"What was It Pandora did?"
"She opened a box and let flies out In
the house before Epimetheus got the fly
screens in." Chicago Record-Herald.
Too Bad.
'Do yOu know, Miss Frlsble," said
the large-headed young author, "my
most brilliant thoughts come to me in
my sleep?"
'It's a great pity that you are trou
bled with insomnia," added the pert
young lady. .
- Education.
These Indians who have been edu
cated at college seem quite like the
others, do they not?"
"Except for their 'Rah! rah!' at each
end of the war-whoop, yes."
Blasted Hopes.
Tommy Tuft Sam, Mam, the boys
all say that If I handle the stick in the
base-ball game this afternoon we'll beat
the Hilltops 14 to L
His Mother- I don't doubt It, but you
are going to stay at home this after
noon and handle the stick for me, and
we'll beat the carpet worse than that,
Speech.
"But speech is What differentiates
man from the beast!"
"Yes, showing how much less sense
he has, In the long run!"- -
It Did.
Grogan I made up my , mind
wouldn't stand it any longer; so I just
put my foot down.
Timllity (glancing at Grogan's No. 11)
And that of .course, covered-the
ground. Boston Transcript
- Within Bonn la.
Ciubberly Have you ever been
desperately In love that yon felt as If
you couldn't control It?
Castleton No. All the girls I've been
In love with hare been only moderately
well off.
Against Vivisection.
-Mr. Wood wed Your papa is such a
joker. ' - '-
Miss Willin Why? '
Mr. Woodwed Because, when I ask
ed for your hand he refused me, saying
he didn't, want any mutilated members
In his family. Boston Post. -
- . Ko Doubt About It.
Citizen Do you believe the constitu
tion follows the flag, my man ?
Soldier My constitution followed the
flag to the Philippines and it's there
yet Chelsea Gazette.
'.'" ':; Fortune. - . -
: "And you will not smile upon me?"
faltered the Man.
"No," answered Fortune sadly. "For
If I do I shall get myself disliked by
the women who have refused to marry
you!"
When Surgeons Are of No Use." .
The driver of the stage, which waa
rolling down the Rocky Mountains as
fast as six mules on the gallop could ;:
keep ahead of It, may have noticed that
was, writes a correspondent, a little'
nervous, for after a bit be soothingly ;,
said: ' '"
No use to grip that railing so mighty 's
hard, arranger., We shan't come to the
danger p'lnt for half an hour yit" ,
"Than It's on ahead?" I queried.
"Yes, three miles ahead, and I may
say fur your, benefit that hangln' on '
won't do any partlckler good." ,
"But I don't want to slide off." ' :
"And you won't . If anythtn' goes
It'll be mewls and coach and the hull
caboodle altogteher, and as the drop Is
plump 300 feet you won't have no use
for arnica or sticking plaster after
ward." Boston Courier.
To Be Perfectly Frank.
A gentleman who is no longer young.
and who never was handsome, asked
his son's child what he thought of him.
The boy's parents- were present The
youngster made no reply.
Well, so you won't tell me what you
think of me? Why won't you?"
" 'Cause I don't want to get licked."
replied the. sprig of a rising genera
tion. Tit-Bits. .
Knew Bis Pa.
Now, Tommy," said the teacher, "if
your father had ten one-dollar bills and
your mother asked for half of them,
how many would he have left?"
He'd still have the ten," replied th
wise child. Philadelphia Record.
His Pleasure Marred.
Friend (calling) Did you have a good
time the week you "spent at the sea
shore, Willie?
Willie Boernm (gloomily) W-W ell,
pretty good. Only mother wouldn't let
me go swimming until two hours aftez
I ate anything, so I couldn't very well
eat things between meals. Brooklyn'
Eagle.
Dead Silence.
"Nothing from my poor husband?"
said the widow to the medium. :
"No, ma'am," was the reply; "not
even a message stating that the fire ia
out!" Atlanta Constitution. .
To Be Consistent. .
Von Blumer The doctor thinks I
ough to go on a fishing trip.
Mrs. Von Blumer But, of course, you
don't believe him. . .-'
Von Blumer Why not?
Mrs. Von Blumer Well, you didn't
have any confidence In him "when he
told me I ought to go. Harper's Bazar.
'Say, why don't you wear yer "hair
In a psyche knot? Yer too old fer
plats."
Medical Assistance.
Specialist Your nerves are affected;
you need exercise; walk to business
every day.
Sick Man I do walk to business every
day. : ' "'.
Specialist You do? Well, you ought
to have more sense that's what ails
you overstrain. Now, behave yourself
rationally and ride every day $10,
please. Chicago Record-Herald.
How About It?
'It's funny that you should be so tall.
Your brother, the artist, is short. Isn't
he? "
He (absently) Yes, usually.
Some Thlnirs Are 'lhouK-ht Over.
'You're a likely looking girl," said
Mrs. Hiram Often, who was questioning
a greenhorn girL "How , were you
trained across the water?"
" 'Tis jokin' ye are, mum. - There does
be no trains. I was shipped across."
Philadelphia Press. :
The Past. - .
She You were a long time In"
the
Philippines, weren't you?
He Oh, yes. Ever since the first time
the war ended. J .
A Testimonial.
"Dear Doctor: When I beean usinsr
your hair medicine three months ago
you assured me that my hair would not
trouble me much longer. I take pleas
ure is stating that you spoke the truth.
Could you give me the address of a
good wig maker?" Baltimore Ameri-
The Kisainar Bus.
"What was that?" asked the old s-en-
tleman, suddenly appearing In the door
way. . ; ...
"I I guess It was a klsslne buz." she
answered hesitatingly, while the young
man tried bis best to look at ease.
The old gentleman looked at them
both sharply. - - .
"Does the kissing bug make people
blush?" he demanded. Chicago Post.
Seeking for Pearls. . .
The history of pearl seeking has
about It so much of the glamour of ro
mance and possible gain that the diffi
culties and risks of the quest are well
nigh forgotten. Men love a pursuit
that entails much danger and much
knowledge of men and elements. Long
before the Roman conquest men were
hazarding the dangers of newly-discov- .
ered rivers In search of the elusive
gems, and one of the prime reasons for
undertaking the expedition into Great
Britain was to obtain the fair "con- .
gealed dewdrops pierced by sunbeams"
which poets and philosophers In all
ages have made the emblems of purity
and worth and which the Roman wom
en so much coveted. There is scarcely
a sacred literature In existence in
which pearls do not" bear reverent
meaning,' and no nation where place
and favor have not been bought by the
beautiful, lustrous products of the sea.
Lippincott's Magazine. i
Why an employment bureau Is called
an intelligence office Is an unsolved
mystery. - : ... '.-