Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, September 06, 1901, Image 4

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    She wandered where the daisies grew
Her lips were red ; her eyes were bine.
She plucked a daisy from its bed,
And broke each petal as she said:
"He loves me; he lores Bfr not.
He loves me, he loves me not; .
He loves me, daisy tell me so."
The final petal answered, "No."
She laughed, but one small tear drop
Spread secrets of the' heart untold.
"He loves me not?" she tossed her head.
"Why, daisy, you tell lies," she said.
New York Sun.
l-i-H-H-l-t-m 1 1 1 t -H lit! M"H
'. A 1 U.TU W1.1 -j.
long felt how much my home
and children needed a mother's
love and care. I have been willing In
this respect, as In every other, to sacri
fice my own feelings to their good, but
It is not an easy matter to find just the
right person to fill so Important a posi
tion, and I do not wish to act hastily.
"A few weeks ago I was introduced
to a widow by the name of Norton,
finding her, on further acquaintance, to
' be all that I could desire, either as a
companion or a mother to my children.
"She is a most kind and excellent
lady, and I trust that you will be pre
pared to extend to her that respect and
affection that are her due.
"She has one son, who is away at
school, which will be pleasant for you,
as you have no brother.
"We shall be home Thursday.
"Your affectionate father,
"P. S. You were wise in not engag-
lngyourself without consulting me as to
the young man you mention. A young
girl like you doesn't know what love Is.
Five years hence will be time enough
for you to think of such a thing."
This was the letter that Anne Leslie
received from her father in reply to
J the one she had written him, overflow-
(. lngwith the glad anticipations to which
i her new-born love had given rise.
For a time she sat speechless with an
il ger and amazement
5 The idea of her father ever marrying
f again had never once entered her mind.
1 Why should he? Was she not there
to keep house for him? And when she
left, as, of course, she should in time,
T Would not Marlon then be ready to-
take her place? She never heard any
thing so ridiculous.
- And to think that her poor mother,
who had been hardly two years in her
grave, should be so soon forgotten!
i - If she thought that her adored Charles
l Edward would ever be so false to her
memory she was sure that It would
break her heart! -
, But the postscript was the unkindest
cut of all. The slighting manner in
: which her father alluded to "the young
l man," whose name she bad written to
: him in full-7-Charles Edward Fltzhenry
I; Stubbs was more wounding than the
It harshest invective.
And to presume to think that she
r knew nothing of love, who had experi
enced It in sweetness and power!
Full of these indignant thoughts Anne
sat down and penned an epistle to her
adored Charles Edward, detailing her
grievances, and ending with the decla
ration that she would never, never sub
mit to be domineered over by a step
mother, and that she would ever be
true to the first and only love of her
The next mall brought a reply, stat
ing together with many protestations
of undying affection, "that he could
truly sympathize with her feelings, in
view of her father's marriage, having
just received, the intelligence that his
mother was to take another husband.
She had given him one stepfather when
he was a boy, and he would never sub
mit to the rule of another.
"He would be there on Thursday, to
demand, In person, her hand of her
father. If he refused they would fly
together to some happy place, where
cruel fathers and stepfathers were un
Charles Edward was as good as his
word. Promptly, on , the following
Thursday, he made his appearance at
the house of the father of his adored
Anne. .
Scarcely were the first rapturous
greetings over when the sound of car
riage wheels was heard.
Anne turned -pale.
; "They have comer she cried, start
ing to her feet.
"Let 'em come," responded Charles
Edward, defiantly. ."You are not afraid.
I hope, when I am here?"
"Good heavens!" he ejaculated as his
eyes fell upon a lady who was alighting
from a carriage, "why, it looks like
. but no; It can't be."
. Mr. Leslie led his wife up to where
his daughter was standing.
As Mrs. Leslie turned from the con
strained greeting of her new daughter
her eyes fell upon the young man back
of her. who stood staring at her in
speechless amazement.
"Why, Charles!"
"Why, mother!" -
"I never thought of seeing you here!"
"Nor I you!"
"Who Is this?" inquired Mr. Leslie.
i m i .
William H. Hunt, who succeeds Gov.
Allen in Porto Rico, was bom la New
Orleans, La., on Nov. 5, 1857, and Is the
fourth son of the late William Henry
Hunt, of Louisiana, who was Secretary
of the Navy In the Cabinets of Presi
dent Garfield and Arthur and who
served as Minister to Russia. Judge
Hunt received his education at Yale,
but on account of ill health did not fin
ish bis course. In 1S96 Yale conferred
upon him the honorary degree of mas
ter of arts.
When he was 27 years of age Hunt
was elected Attorney General of , the
Territory of Montana. He subsequent
looking in bewilderment from one to
the other.
It Is Charles Edward that I wrote
you about," said Anne, blushing.
It is my son Charles," said Mrs. Les
lie. "Charles, this is your stepfather."
"And my future father-in-law, I
trust!" responded Charles Edward, as
he shook hands with his mother's new
"We'll see about that, my boy," said
Mr. Leslie, laughing. "If your mother
is willing. I shall have no objection."
The four passed a pleasant evening.
XJharles Edward voted his stepfather
to be one of the nicest men he ever met,
and Anne thought no lady could be
more agreeable than her new mother.
Charles Edward remained at home a
week and then went back to school,
taking with him the assurance that if
he studied diligently and both he and
Anne were of the same mind at the
end of the year no opposition would be
made to their marriage. New York
Dally News. .
But a
Ba.ce Hitherton . Unknown Has
Recently Been Uisco-rered.
Stewart Culin, curator of the Univer
sity of Pennsylvania Museum of Art
and Science, returned recently from a
trip to Cuba, where he Investigated re
ports of the existence of savage In
dains in the interior of the island.
Although there are no Wild red men
there Mr. Culin found several bands of
so-called Indians who intermarry only
among themselves, possess Indian char
acteristics, straight black hair, copper-
colored skin and high cheek bones, but
have no tribal organization. They have
f ew customs which differ from those of
rural Cuba generally and retain little
more of their own language than is the
common property of the natives.
Concerning the so-called Indians in
Cuba representing the aborigines, Cu
rator Culin said: "There has been an
Importation of Indians into Cuba from
Yucatan by way of San Domingo since
the middle of the last century, which
complicates the question of the survi
val of the aboriginal Inhabitants of
Cuba, From the evidence I procured
in Barracoa there is little doubt that
the Indian settlement at Yara dates
back to the period of the Spanish con
quest The native houses are of Indian
design and many of the prevailing cus
toms are of Indian origin. Man, in the
rural districts of the island, has sim
ply reverted to a state which with re
cent wars is unhappily not far removed
from savagery. At the same time the
cordial hospitality of the people, their
gayety and lively interest and curiosity
do much to compensate for the wretch
edness of living." .
Visiting the Interior of the island, the
curator said he saw the so-called In
dian, Almarrares who says he Is 112
years old. He has few Indian charac
teristics and no special traditions. The
Indians of Yateras, said the curator,
differ from the Cuban' country folks
generally only in physical appearance,
although they are said to be lazier, a
trait which is not attributed to the ru
ral Inhabitants.
-In other expeditions Mr. Culin pro
cured some Indian skulls in caves and
also obtained fragments of pottery, an
art now lost to the so-called Indlans.
Philadelphia Press. ''J.
Their Partial Destruction Basel on a
. . :' Mistaken Ilea. . ' ' f-
Prof. Woodward's wholesome address
on the necessity of verifying theories
by the observation of facts finds an ex
cellent illustration in the sea lion ques
tion In California. These animals.
which have long been prized by lovers
of nature as one of the great attrac
tions of the coast have fallen into dis
repute among the fishermen because
their presence was supposed to account
for the deterioration of certain fishing
grounds. - So confident was the belief
in their fish-devouring habits that their
destruction or at least a great reduc
tion of their numbers was advocated
and in part accomplished by the State
ly removed to Helena, and in 1888 was
elected a member of the Legislature,
where he served as chairman of the
Judiciary Committee. He was a mem
ber of the constitutional convention in
1884 which framed the constitution of
the State when it was admitted to the
Union, and also held important judi
ciary positions in Montana..
When Gov. Allen went to Porto Rico
Mr. Hunt was requested by President
McKinley to become Secretary of the
Island and to assist Gov. Allen in or
ganizing the new civil government, and
he served in that capacity until the re
tirement of Gov. Allen. ,
Commission of Fisheries, according to
a writer in Science.- But it now ap
pears that this belief was without sub
stantial foundation.
The appeal to fact has been made by
the critical examination of the stom
achs of slaughtered sea lions, and It
has been found by Prof. Dyehe that the
twenty-five animals examined had eat
en only squids and other cephalopoda.
eschewing fish altogether.
The investigation of food habits by
means of stomach examination is of far-
reaching importance. Dr. Merriam
enegaged, through the biological sur
vey, in the most elaborate study of
animal-foods ever made. For many
years the stomachs of wild birds and
mammals have been systematically col
lected and laboriously studied, to the
end that the favorite and the occasion
al foods of each species in each season
of the year and in each part of the
country may become known.. As each
group is worked up the facts are pub
lished by the Department of Agricul
ture, and farmers and legislators are
thus informed what species may prop
erly be regarded as friendly and what
as hostile to the. interests of the peo
ple. In many instances it has been
i found that popular impressions, almost
necessarily founded on a comparative
ly . small number of facts, are alto
gether erroneous, so that war has been
waged on our friends and protection
given our enemies.
- Social Life in Manila.
"When I went to Manila," said the
Lieutenant's wife, "there were only
fifty American women there, wives of
officers; but when I left there were over
.two hundred with but one dressmak-
er, a Chinaman, among them all. ; Old
Sang Is his name, and he recently got
arrested for smuggling. He was to go
before my husband as acting judge, for
trial. Sang came to me in his distress
to intercede. So did those 200 Ameri
can-women. If Sang was put in Jail
what would we women have to wear?
Well, you may be sure old Sang was let
off easy fortunately he proved himself
not guilty. But George, as judge, has
all kinds of bribes to resist Even I
was offered Filipino candy and finerv
by the womenjjrisoners who wanted to
. vu. guujr. ne epi nouse the
last six months with several other ofli-
ftaiHl' T ft Tn 1 1,1 AO AflAh .A. 1 B
luiuiuco, crav-u W UliiUil I H K i IlfT
u"'um:ilu""' neaa or tne Household,
managing the Chinese servants, etc.
11111 fnAfl Ttr a a timmlte- n 4-
. y t army com-
77 ; "tt" lrc!u meat rrom
Australia (seven days in cold storage),
potatoes, etc., from Hong Kong, China,
o , Ti 7, . . , lrom AmeHca-
ovA-mnj-, me me is a pleasure. UriVIng
on the Luneta, or cool ocean beach. Is
j""""" irom oiojp. m.
Once a month we attended the armv
and navy assembly dance, and- there
were two other dances a month at the
Orient Hotel." .
Wolsey's Casks of Gold.
It has been suggested that it was in a
vault at Hampton Court Palace that
the , .incident occurred , which opened
Henry's eyes to the wealth acquired by
his favorite cardinal.
As the story goes, the king's fool was
paying a visit. to the cardinal's fool.
and the jocose couple went- down Into
the wine vaults. - For fun one of them
stuck a dagger or some other pointed
Instrument into the top of a cask, and
to his surprise touched something that
clinked like metal The meddlesome
pair upon this set to work and pushed
off the head of the cask, discovering
that it was full of gold pieces. Other
casks by their sounds gave indications
that they held gold, and not wine. The
king's fool stored up his secret, and one
day, when Henry VIII. was boasting
about his wine, the fool said, satiri
"You have not such wine, sire, as my
lord cardinal, for be hath casks in bis
cellar worth a thousand broad pieces
each." And then he told what he had
detected. Whether this be true or not,
it is certain that , Wolsey. was so far
awake to the fact that he was so sus
pected by the monarch, as to deem It
prudent to present him with Hampton
J Court
Slight Sounds Audibly Repeated in the
Oreat Tabernacle at Bait Lake City
Wonders of Statuary Hall la the Capi
tol at Washington Are Exaggerated.
In this country there are many well-
kuown buildings noted for their echoes,
and of these perhaps none Is more re
markable than .the tabernacle in fcait
Lake City. When this, hall Is empty
and quiet, the ring of a pin falling on
the floor can be heard from all points
and even the feeble, rasping sound pro
duced by rubbing the hands together
is perfectly audible from one end of the
building to the other.
A better known, but really less won
derful, example of audibility within a
building is found in the national hall
of statuary in the capital at Washing
ton. The phenomena manifested here,
which are genuine and Interesting
enough, have been somewhat over
stated. I have spent a long morning
in this hall studying the matter criti
cally and having obtained due per
mission have questioned the various
groups of visitors while being placed in
chosen positions by the guides to hear
the marvelous reverberations of sound.
The guides certainly make the most
of their opportunities for Impressing
visitors but when a guide retreats to a
distance to whisper you may observe
on approaching him with due caution
that his whisper is of the "stage whis
per" sort and calculated to carry with
great distinctness under any conditions.
The chief acoustical peculiarities of
the "chamber are clearly due to the fact
that the roof, which is partly domed,
is not symmetrical with respect to the
floor, so that a complex reverberation
is the consequence.
Natural echoes unsurpassed In won
derful effect are not far to seek In
America. Trobably Irish Killarney it
self does not hide away more striking
echoes than lurk within the famous
Colorado canyon, and it would be rash
to assert that these are quite the most
wonderful to be found among the rocky
retreats of the far West.
Deep ravines being the recognized
haunt of echoes, it may be taken for
granted that many exist in the great
gorge of Niagara, and anyone journey
ing to the falls by this approach will
be well rewarded by stopping at In
spiration Point, walking forward to the
edge of the cliff, and' here waiting till
the - first train, on nearing the level
crossing, blows its whistle. All the
deep glen takes up and carries on the
warning shriek.
The musical chord blown so constant
ly by railway engines often meets with
a beautiful response from the surround
ing country. This is very noticeable
round the lake of Geneva, Wisconsin,
when the listener is standing on high
ground and trains are threading their
way through - the woodlands below,
These effects are due to 'the nearness
of extensive pine forests to the railroad
tracks. -. . - - . '
Many who visited Wadesboro, N C,
to observe the total eclipse of the sun
from the observation station there last
year noticed that the organ-like piping
of the trains, when two miles distant
in the broad, wooded valley below.
would give place, .without sensible
break, to an echoing reply, drawn out
in a prolonged strain, which slowly and
softly died away like the wild notes of
some gigantic harp Pearson's Maga
zine. . . -
Chickens Thrive Under the Protection
of an Inanimate Foster Parent.
Seven fluffy little chickens belonging
to a family living in Louisville, have, a
queen mother, says the Courier Jour
naL ' For the past two weeks the only
protection they have had has been
big feather duster. The substitute for
the mother has served .its purpose so
well that the family expects to raise
chickens in the same way every year.
The chickens were hatched ' about
three weeks ago, their mother being an
old hen which the family bad bought
in market and had intended to fatten
I and eat. Before she arrived at the
proper condition to be baked she took a
notion to set As is usual in such cases
persuasion was vain, and she held to
her determination to raise a family. A
D v,
batched out eight chicks. Of these she
was very proud. About two weeks ago
a number of frlends from out of towQ
ti.rtj 4nti,. mi.
problem of what to have for dinner was
a serious one, as it was Sunday, and
no groceries were open. : It was sug-
gested that the hen be killed, but the
nhiM, w wim ,. ...
chickens should be left to shift for
themselves at so tender an age.
Tho nrnMom woo ani -hv K
wh unmztaA- th i tuiJ
and the bie feather duster be substi
tuted for the hen. The duster was sus
pended just above the floor in the cor
ner of the kitchen, and the chickens"
placed under it in a box.
There they have remained ever since
and are growing rapidly. They seem
to take kindly to the Innovation, and at
the first sign of danger they all retreat
to the . duster, nestling - among . the
feathers. . - : - -. -
Pullmans Make Ten Times the Show of
Their Heal Value to the Boad.
'About three-quarters of a railroad'i
receipts come from the freight depart
ment," says a writer in Ainslee's. "The
passenger department supplies nearly
all the rest the Income from mall, ex
press and other privileges being com
paratively small. - - . :w
'Carrying passengers' is a simp I
matter, or would' be if State legisla
tures did not now and then take a hand
in prescribing added specifications for
railroad passenger service. In Ohio
law was passed decreeing that the
height between the platform and the
lowest steps of passenger coaches
should not exceed twelve Inches. 'This
cost the railroads nearly $100,000, and
.the reform led to the abolition : of
number of flag stops where the passen
gers had been quite willing to scramble
up off the ballast. Legislatures in the
West have been known to hamper and
exasperate railroad men apparently for
the pore pleasure of the act a state of
things that seems almost Inconceivable
In some Eastern States, where the leg
islatures represent the railroads better
than the railroads could represent
themselves. :
"Compared with the freight business,
the passenger traffic presents few com
plications. The great simplifying fac
tor Is that passenger rates are stable,
while freight rates are not Passengers
pay a' fixed rate per mile for transpor
tation. But the price of freight trans
portation varies according to the kind
of freight, and according to the size of
the lot.
"It is curious to notice . that, the
freight trains, scarecrow processions of
shameless packing-cases on wheels, In
terminably -squeaking through our
streets, are the ones that really count
when you come to make up the profits.
The magnificent trains of vestibuled
Pullmans which glide swiftly through
the country on velvet roadbeds make
ten times the show that their real value
to the road warrants. Nothing, surely,
Is more disreputable in appearance
than the procession of battered freight-
cars that jolts and creaks into the yard
in the sunny mist of a Sunday morning
unless it is the physiognomies of the
pair of brakemen trailing their legs
over the roof. Yet the train is doing
something more than its share toward
keeping the line going. - The two row
dies on the roof are, after all, gilt-edged
conductors in the making.
"It is a democratic business. Freight
brakeman to freight conductor, freight
conductor to passenger conductor that
is the order of promotion on most
American roads. So the freight-train
man impresses himself on the whole
passenger service."
Hiatronic Art Has Advanced from Vag
abondage to Bespectability.
Acting has established itself, past all
denial, as a profession, the members
of which have advanced from vaga
bondage to respectability, and from the
crudities of chance gifts to the excel
lences of methodical culture, says
Franklin Fyles in Everybody's Maga
zine. Actors must now be accorded a
professional rating. The change in pub
lic esteem of them is not yet complete.
as prejudice still hinders it but con
siderate people have been generally
won over by the earnest, aspiring, pro
gressive work that is being done in the
Even so justly eminent an actor as
Forest stamped and bellowed his way
from circus ring to the Shakespearean
stage by physical force, with none too
much of intellectual guidance. There
was in his day no graded road for those
to take who set out for theatrical suc
cess. They had to make their way with
only faint trails to follow. The Journey
Is as arduous now, but less uncertain.
The route has been laid out on direct
lines, and the traveler is no more an ad
venturous explorer. If he is properly
equipped for his journey to the, stage,
he is as likely to get there as though
he started. Instead, for bar or pulpit,
studio or laboratory.
It may be that Helen Modjeska
thought the drama in America had
reached its highest possible elevation
when she made her first tour in a rail
way car that was as resplendent as a
circus chariot; that a little further
back, Charlotte Cushmau deemed her
self queen of tragic climax because
members of. the Lotus Club unhitched
the horses from her carriage and drag
ged it from theater to hotel; that Edwin
Forrest, not so very much longer ago,
let his bosom swell with royal pride
while his adherents and Macready's
fought one another to death in Astor
place; but we have come out from such
foolishness regarding dramatic genius.
and got into sensible ways of think
ing, r - -
Was the Exemplar of High Virtues
and Founder of Mighty Race.
Carefnl study must lead us all to con
clude that Alfred is by no means the
hazy, mythological personage which
uncritical enthusiasm once threatened
to make of him, says Louis Dyer in the
Atlantic. He has escaped the fate of
his descendant St Edward the Confes
sor, and we can form a clearly defined
outline, if not a complete picture, of
his liff and. character. Superstitions
he had with which we cannot sympa
thize, such as the notion that the fires
of Etna were infernal and had there
fore been perceptibly less fierce since
the birth of Christ. But are we not
learning In America almost with a
sense of relief that the moral perfec
tions of George Washington were not
incompatible with his well-authenticated
employment upon occasion, of ex
ceedingly strong language? If this bo
our case with Washington, shall we
not put up with a dash of superstition
in one who has achieved the dangerous
preeminence of being called "the most
perfect character in history" and of bi
ing not infrequently coupled with
It will Indeed be a healthy result f
this year's celebration of the one thou
sandth anniversary of Alfred's death,
if wc learn to prize with discrimination
the lessons conveyed by: the life. of
Alfred, who was the father and found
er of a great race.' Indeed," he was
himself the first exemplar of the vir
tues held in highest . esteem by that
race the world over, but nowhere more
highly than in England and America,
whose institutions still embody so much
of Alfred's spirit. ;.,
Why She Was Mad.
.' One morning, in kindergarten, a wee
mite of womanhood had been trying to
attract the teacher by every resource
of which she was capable, without di
rectly saying she had something to tell.
Finally, the young girl went over and
sat beside her, whereupon little Rachel
flounced her skirts, puckered . up her
forehead, and, clinching her hand, ex
claimed: "Oh, dear, but I'm mad." The
teacher was surprised, for Rachel had
seemed to be laboring under a delight
ful secret "And why is little Miss Sun
shine angry?" asked the instructor. -'
"Well, everybody was mad at our
house this morning. Mamma scolded
Sister Jane, and auntie scolded mam-J
ma, and papa said, "O darn,' and left
the table, so I guess I can be cross, too."
Motherhood. ; '
. Every man occasionally gets Into a
mean, worthless state when he needs
a licking. , . :.- '- ""
Pleasant Incidents Occurring the
World Over Say lugs that Are cheer
ful to Old or young-Funny Be lec
tions that Ton Will Enjoy.
Nebb Yon must like to hear that
dreadful grind organ, since yon pay
the man to play under your window
every day.
Nobb No, I don't like it any more
than that eirl over the way who is
taking vocal lessons. Boston Post
Answsre '.
'What do you fish mostly for?"
'We mostly fish for a living, mum.
Judv. -
Funnybiz Freshleigh's sweetheart
has sent him word from abroad that
she cannot mary him.
Fiddleestlcks Freshleigh must be
dreadfully broken up.
Funnybiz He is; she sent word by
cable, collect, and explained why.
Ohio State Journal.
1 '
"Can I offer you another chair?"
In Haste an 1 at Leisure.
"You seem to be in something of a
hurry," said the divorce lawyer. "It
hasn't been more than six weeks since
you were married, has Jt?"
'N no, sir," faltered the fair young
client "but It it was a St Joe mar
'I see. And this is a Chicago re
pentance." Chicago Tribune.
- Thirteen Storie .
O'Hoolihan Phwat wud yez
do if
yez wor t fall off this rufe?
O'Harrity Faith ol'd make, up me
mind goin' down. Ohio State Journal.
So Sweet of Her.
Mrs. Chatterlelgh Fancy, dear, at
the Browns' last night they were all
saying how glad they were to hear you
were at last engaged! Of course 1
didn"t believe the report, dear, and
said I wondered how any one could be
so stupid as to imagine anything so
absurd. Punch.
- JCrnpp'a Fortaup. ;
"The German papers state that old
man Krupp is worth $5,000,000."
"Who is old man Krupp Y''
"He is the maker- of the Krupp
guns." .
"Well, say, $5,000,000 Isn't much for
a cannonmaker when you consider all
the startling reports." Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
A Continnons Strike.
"Your cousin, Chollie. isn't a youth
of striking appearance."
"He isn't? Well, I never saw him
yet when he didn't appear to be strik
ing matches to light his cigarettes."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
- Sentiment an 4 discretion.
Billy Did she accept you? .
Jack Well, ' she said she d make a
memorandum of my proposal and con
sider it when .the weather gets favor
able for mental effort
' Easy All Around.
"Birthdays go off all right at our
boarding house." -"How's
that?" !
"We don't allow but sixteen candles
to anybody's birthday cake." :
'rAn Inducement.
- "Dot vas a perfeck fit" said Moses
Cohenstein, the clothier, as he pinched
up the customer's coat in the back.
"It seems to be loose," said the cus
tomer doubtfully. - , ' .
"Yell," said Mr. Cohenstein enthusi
astically, "but see how much extry
goods you get for de same munny!"
. Whr He DU It. -
"Merciful heavens!", she exclaimed
on her first visit to the dairy. "Why do
you crowd the cows so close together
in the stalls?" . . -: ," ' , -
"Them's rth' -. condensed milk cows,
mum," replied the accommodating
chambermaid; Denver Times. -
As Ton Hay Have Noticed.
"Look at the stuff that goes to waste
In the grocery business." said the
lounger in the store, "and think of
the small margin on most of the goods.
Where does the profit come in?"
'The profit," said the Impatient man
with the basket on his arm, 'comes
from having only one clerk to wait on
thirty-six customers." Chicago Trib
une. ' '
Art flcial Meani.
Elaine Did you notice the mean way
that Smythe girl sneered at my new
Gladys Yes, but those sneers were
only artificial means. Ohio State Jour
naL , .
Wealth's Vexations.
Mrs. Newriche Mrs. De Smythe told
me last evening that she is troubled
with ongwee. ,
Mr. Newriche What's that?
Mrs. Newriche Dear me! I don't
know. I've looked all througn tne
O's" of three different dictionaries
and can't find any such word. Puck.
, All Alike.
. Farmer Dunk How's your new hired
man, Ezry?
Farmer Hornbeak Jest like all the
rest of em I've ever had so lazy that
he gits tired restin'. Puck.
Easily Diacour aired.
"Blnglebang says he isn't going to
do any more courting. He claims be
can't see any fun In it."
"What's the matter with Blngy?"
"He's so short he can't turn down
the gas." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Willfully MisunderstooJ.
"Some of my latest photographs,"
said the camera fiend, "I took fifty feet
under water."
"Why did you go to the trouble of
taking them there?" remarked Pep
prey. "It would have been easier to
just tie a stone to them and throw them
in." Philadelphia Press.
Fliegende Blaeter.
Too Bu-y.
Uncle Joshua I s'pose sence yer son
John got back frum collig he's helpin'
y' considerable on th' farm?
Ebenezer Naw, John jes' hain't got
time; he's too plague bizzy swingin'
dumbells an' smokin' ciggyretts. Bos
ton Post
Then He Takes HI a Chance.
'A millionaire can have things pret
ty much his own way in this world,"
said one philosopher.
'He can't," answered the other, "un
til he comes to make his will." Wash
ington Star.
Too Tired.
Dusty Dan Hi. git off the track-
Here cums de t'roo freight.
Layaround Lucas (sleepily) Wuzn't
fer gittin' my clos tore I'd lay still.
Ohio State Journal.
Punishment in Advance.
Mother Johnnie, I am going to whip
you for taking that piece of pie.
Johnnie All right, maw; whip me
real hard; there's another piece left.
Ohio State Journal.
. Superfluous.
Summer Boarder You didn't men
tion having so many mosquitoes.
Uncle Ezra No, I knowed it wuzn't
no use, cuz yu'd find thet out soon as
y' got here. Ohio State Journal.
Mn.t knn the Risk.
'Do you approve of women taking an
active part in politics?" asked the idle
person. -
"Certainly," answered Mr. Meekton.
Let them go ahead. If they want to
stay away from home and take the
chances on a man's walking right in on
the best carpet with his muddy boots,
that's their lookout, not ours." Wash
ington Star.
Hai Everything Now. ' .
Towne Your wife has recovered
from her nervous trouble; I hope. '
Browne Well, she was doing nicely,
but now she's got a complication of dis
eases. Towne You don't say?
Browne Yes, when she was conval
escing Mrs. Fauxpas next door sent
her a lot of medical almanacs, to read.
Philadelphia Press. -
Ant-Catching Thistles.
Many flowers have the power to form
for themselves a contrivance which an
swers the same purpose as the fly pa
pers which are sold in shops and by
hawkers in the streets. Among these
plants is the common thistle. Ants
manage to climb the stem as they are
eager to obtain the sweet juices in the
flower,' and they struggle their way
through the close frill of small leaves
thickly set with thorns, which nature
throws around the blossoms. The ants
then find that they are caught in a
trap. On each scale of the green cup
lu which the flower is set there is a
streak of gum.. The moment the insects
touch if they are fast prisoners. The
more they struggle the more helpless
their -case becomes, for every move
ment causes them to get more entan
gled. In a little while the gum stops up
the breathing holes In their sides, and
then all Is-over. They are literally
smothered to death. A score of dead
or dying ants may be often seen on the
head of a thistle growing just above
their nest '.
The value of a man's advice depends
upon the success he has achieved In fol
lowing It -