THE FUGITIVE.
A hunted thing, through copse and wood
Night after night he skulked and
crawled.
To where, nmid dark homesteads, stood
One gloomy garden locked and walled.
He paused in fear each step he took,
And waited till the moon was gone;
' Then stole in by the little brook
That still laughed down the terraced
lawn.
And np the well-known path he crept.
And through the tangled briars tore;
And he, while they who sought him slept.
Saw his ancestral home once more.
There song and lights were still astir,
And by her he could see one staad,
(And he had fared so far to her!)
Who spoke with her and took her hand.
Then back by copse and wood he crept
While yet the dawn was cold and dim;
ADd while in her white room she slept,
'Twas his old hound crawled back with
. him. .
Century.
I! THE END OF IT ALL. V
,
OLLY and I had been arguing
as we usually had. But,
strange, to say, neither of us had
enjoyed It. It was a regularly under
stood institution between us that we
would quarrel about once In so often.
It was such a lot of fun making up.
Dolly and I were not engaged, but
some time we were going to be. This
was another regularly understood in
stitutlon between us. Tills was a lot of
fun also, particularly as our respective
families the heads of them, rather-
had long ago decided that we had bet
ter keep apart for some time to come.
Because they had so decided and stern
ly forbidden any engagement until we
should both be of age, at least, we had
gloried in the fact that we should be
engaged some time. And to-night, for
the first time, we had enjoyed neither
the quarrel nor the reconciliation, and
neither of us had made any reference
to that coming engagement.
I had been rather silent about it for
some time. I was so anxious to make
the engagement a reality, and I hardly
knew how to set about It. Dolly, I
feared, had been silent recently for
quite other causes. The grim old aunt
with whom she lived and who was her
guardian would harm my cause all she
could, I felt sure. Dolly reported that
she, too, had been silent concerning the
coming engagement for some time. As
opposition Is always food for Dolly's
PKRSUAD1NO DOLLY.
determination I was not as grateful for
this silence on the part of her aunt as
I might have been.
While I was wondering now how to
render the engagement an actual fact
Instead of an ephemeral promise, Dol
ly's voice broke the silence snap
pishly. "This is the last quarrel I will ever
have with you," it announced, to "my
astonishment.
"I hope so, Dolly," I answered, going
over and sitting down on the sofa be
side her.
"I detest cowardice," said Dolly, still
more acrimoniously.
"I loathe it," I answered, still very
much in the. dark.
"We've done nothing but quarrel and
fight for .years." I fancied tears In her
voice, although her snapping eyes be
lied the fancy. "I'm tired of it, and
I never mean to quarrel with you
again."
. "Dolly," said I, pleadingly, "tell me
what I've done to annoy you?"
I was conscious, immediately, of hav
ing taken the wrong tack.
"Nothing!" You would have thought
she was ready to eat me, from her tone
and manner. "I've been just as much
to blame for all the quarreling as yon
have. But I'm tired and sick of it all."
She turned from me pettishly and
pulled the fringe off an entire Bide of
the prettiest sofa pillow beside her be
fore she spoke again.
"Everybody is making fun of the
way we quarrel and fight," was her
next remark, spoken In a low voice.
"The girls make my life a burden, teas
ing me!"
"They make mine a burden asking
when you are going to let me pro
pose." : ' "
Dolly shrugged her shoulders dis
dainfully, but I knew I was on the
. right track. I dared not draw any
closer, but I did venture to lay my
hand on hers a little timidly, but she
liked the action none the less for that
- and I pushed my advantage to the full
and immediately. . . -
"It's rather unkind of you to keep me
in this position so long, Dolly," I con
tinued. "It's hard on a fellow to be
known as hanging about a woman,
with nothing settled, for so long.
Haven't I proved my devotion yet,
Dolly?"
I knew she'd like this sort 'of talk.
Women always do. And when they're
dying to be kind to you they don't mind
accepting any reasonable opportunity
of yielding their forgiveness gracious
ly. Besides, it was stating the matter
nicely to say Dolly had kept me In this
undefined position. We had both tak
en and staid in it, for reasons of mutual
fun and enjoyment, and, until recently,
I hadn't suffered at all. The fellows
i had troubled me a little bit of late.
Dolly regarded me gravely, and her
snapping eyes softened. The hand over
which mine rested trembled a little. I
took my cue from that hand. Gather
ing courage, I folded my own long
fingers around it Then I said what I
bad been longing to say tor so long.
Taking Portrait at Home.
One of the most interesting features
of amateur photography is the taking
of portraits. This work Is of two kinds
the out of door snap shot portraiture
that Is often very successful, so far as
the "likeness" goes, but always lacks
the fine balancing of light and shade,
and the artistic finish of a portrait that
Is taken where the amount and the di
rection of the light can be controlled.
For the majority of amateurs the
light that comes from the ordinary
house window must be utilized.
The trouble encountered here is that
a north window In a dwelling house
admits too small an amount of light,
while the direct sunlight of a south
window is as bad as are out of door
conditions. The strong light of a sun
ny window may be made to serve the
purpose of the portrait taker. :
A dark cloth is pinned across the
lower sash, before which the sitter is
placed, either back to the curtain or
with the side of the body toward it, ac
cording to location of the camera. In
front of the upper sash of the window
is constructed a hood. ' The framework
of this Is of strips of wood put together
In the form shown In the Illustration.
The curved pieces can be made of bar
rel hoops.
This framework is made to hang up
on hooks against the window casing. It
is covered with white cloth to reflect
"Dolly," I whispered, : "why need
either of us suffer from fun-making any
longer? You were of age last Monday"
although I really hadn't remembered
the fact in this connection before "I
was of age some -.time ago.. :". Why
shouldn't we leave off talking of the
time when we are going to be engaged
and be engaged immediately. We're
neither of us children, to be dictated to,
any longer. Let's be engaged right
now, Dolly!"
"Right now!" Dolly's eyes were wide,
her tone wondering. "You don't mean
now this minute?"
"I do, Dolly," said I, firmly. "This
second, now, this moment,'' and I em
phasized my asservatlons with a kiss.
"You'll have to persuade me," said
Dolly, all laughing, when- she emerged
from my arms. - And I was busily en
gaged in "persuading" her when, the
door opened and her aunt walked into
the room.' ; - .
: Both Dolly and I are rather nervous,
temperamentally, and we can both
move quickly, upon occasion. Dolly's
aunt, who is a most observant old lady,
noticed that we were as far apart as
the room allowed us to be as soon as
she had come in.
"Heyday! What's all this?" she cried,
interestedly. "The beginning of another
of your spasms of quarreling and fight
ing, I suppose." - --
And then it was that Dolly gave evi
dence of having been successfully "per
suaded."
"Oh, no, dear aunt," she said, softly
with a lovely glance in my direction,
"it's the end of them aa" Klmira Tel
egram. . . '
QUAINT, LOVABLE WOMAN.
Mr. Kroger, "Oom Pant's" Devote!
Wife, Who Died Recently.
The death at Pretoria of Mrs. Kruger,
wife of ex-President Kruger, of the
South African Republic, removed a
picturesque figure
from the world's
stage. . As the wife
of the President of
the Transvaal Re
public, she was the
first lady of the
land, yet the wives
of the ' common
burghers on . the
great: veldts were
not as plain., and
unassuming as she.
Frugal In her hab
its, Mrs. Kruger
Mutt, kuuoib. , did much of . her
housework that she might save the ex
pense of a servant. In her eyes her
beloved ..' husband was the greatest
statesman In the world. ' While she ad
mired his statecraft she mended his
socks, cared for his wardrobe and sew
ed buttons on bis clothing as though
she had been the humblest wife in the
Republic i,.,v-:
Through the thrift of this invaluable
woman, it Is claimed, Paul Kruger has
been able to save 125,000,000. Mrs.
Kruger saw to it that the household
always subsisted on the $2,000 a year
coffee money allowed by the Transvaal
Republic, while his (the ex-President's)
salary of $35,000 was annually saved.
On this coffee money foreign diplomats
and distinguished personages were en
tertalned and yet none ever left the
hospitable old mansion hungry.
Mrs. Kruger never had more than
three dresses at one time and they were
ARRANGEMENT FOR L'GHTINO A SITTER.
ntatmr
5
ffihofotjrapht)
the light down upon the aitter. Over
this is put a cover of black cloth, that
the light may not come through and
strie the lens of the camera.
White and black paper will answer
as well as cloth. , The camera must be
placed high enough on the tripod or
the hood be brought down low enough
so that no light from the upper sash
may fall upon the camera lens. If the
camera Is placed directly in front of
the window, the cloth covering the
lower sash will form" the background of
the portrait. If the sitter aits with his
side toward the window, a background
should be hung from the side of the
hood, coming down behind the sitter.
If at any time the light is too strong,
a square of white muslin can be pinned
across the base of the hood above the
head of the sitter. This will diffuse
the light somewhat and temper It
With these suggestions the amateur
ought to be able by experimenting to
reach a successful method of portrait
taking in his own house. Some experi
menting is necessary, since In no two
houses are the conditions of. light and
windows exactly . the same. Webb
Donnell, In the Household.
The so-called sensltometer number of
dry plates Is a delusion. Why plate
makers keep it up Is one of the things
photographers cannot explain. One
firm uses 26 as Indicating about the ex
treme of rapidity, another has 60, and
there Is a third with 40. What does It
all amount to, anyway? Dry plates take
on rapidity with age, and a plate that
is "medium" when new will be chain
lightning, or -whatever else you want
to call it, after it has been kept long
enough. Some of the makers of the
best plates are dropping the numbering
and giving a name to distinguish the
slower from the extremely rapid. Thajt
lg all right and answers all purposes.
A scratch on the negative can be fill
ed with Canada balsam thinned down
with chloroform, so that it will print all
right, as the refractive index of balsam
is about the same as glass. v ,
Dust out your holders and rub over
the sides carefully. Wipe off the plates
also before loading. - The sprinkle of
fine holes often found on the negative
Is caused by dust, i -
invariably black. . She was also satis
fled .with two hats, and one of her
hobbies was that there should be no
feathers on them as she held It a sin to
kill birds for the sake of adorning hats.
A quaint, old-fashioned, loving woman,
Mrs. Kruger was the reflex of many of
the characteristics of stern old "Oom
Paul." The war with England was a
great trial on Mrs. Kruger. Frequent
ly she was heard bewailing the awful
carnage and yet even in the midst of
her sorrow for the fallen, burghers she
found eloquent words In which to ex
press her sympathies for the British
wives and mothers who had lost their
dear ones on the broad veldts. Then,
too, the long separation from her hus
band, combined with the recent death
of her favorite daughter, completely
broke the gentle spirit and the spark
of a noble life went out. '
Mrs. Kruger was "Oom Paul's" sec
ond wife, and was a Miss Du Plesls, a
family of prominence in South Africa
and which gave to France one of the
greatest princes of the "church and
State, the Cardinal Richelieu. Sixteen
children blessed their union, 11 of
whom are still living. : -
When ex-President Kruger was In
formed at Hllversum, in Holland, of
his wife's death he wept bitterly and
requested that he be left alone. Her
son-in-law. Eloff, and many other mem
bers of the family were at Mrs. Km
ger's bedside when she died. - ."
Wanton Killing or Birds.
Extermination of birds is not alone
the work of fashionable vanity but of
fashionable gluttony. The seizure in n
New York cold-storage warehouse of
great numbers of dead birds during the
close season Illustrates the easy eva
sion of the law by those careless of con
sequences. ... :" '
In hotels travelers often find upon the
bills of fare the names of , birds un
known to ornithologists and dictionary
makers. When asked what .kind of
birds these represent the waiters are
permitted to answer only by smiles and
silence, or by confessions of- Ignorance.
In the cold-storage house in New York
were found so many' birds that the le
gal fines would have run to millions of
dollars. ..What would they amount to
for the -United States? As a result of
such practices everywhere those butch
ers and dealers who obey the law are
really punished for their honor, while
the reckless are: rewarded by great
profits.
, We are fond of pointing out excellent
spheres or work and . usefulness . for
those who are greatly troubled by a
few deaths of animals in scientific lab
oratories. Why should this stupid and
ruinous war of extermination of birds.
with its great resultant suffering, not
arouse the energies of the Society for
Prevention of Cruelty to Animals?
American Medicine. - . V '
The Horses Numbered. . .".
Every horse in the English army Is
numbered and has a little history kept
for it The number is branded on the
animal's feet the thousands on the
near hind foot, and the units, tens and
thousands on the off hind foot. I Thus,
the horse whose number Is, say, 8,354.
will have an 8 on his left hind foot and
354 on the right foot
Large Membership. ...
The French are not supposed to be
great travelers, yet the Touring Club
of France has 80,000 members. "-
STRANGE SEA FIGHT.
THRILLING ENCOUNTER WITH A
' MARINE ELEPHANT.
Haxe Aal-aal Almost Forty Vast in
Length, and Weighing Thirtaaa Tons
Is Captured Near Falkland Islands,
Off tha Patagonia Coast. "
One of the strangest sea fights on rec
ord is that which the crew of the Brit
ish warship had lately with a sea ele
phant near the "Falkland Islands, off
the sea coast of Patagonia. -
As actual proof of the tremendous
size of this little knovn marine mon
ster, its bead, trunk and ribs have been
sent to the British Museum in London,
where they will be put on exhibition.
H. M. S. Flora is a second-class pro
tected cruiser. She had just arrived at
Port Stanley, In the Falkland Islands,
and the commander, desiring to go
ashore, ordered the gig to be lowered
and manned.
. The sea' was comparatively smooth,
and the boat shot along rapidly, pro
pelled by six stalwart blue-jackets. On
nearing the shore, however, they saw a
strange creature in the water. What
It was they did not know. It churned
and beat the water into the whiteness
of snow within a few fathoms of the
boat.
Then the splashing and beating
ceased, and from the hissing foam arose
what seemed to be the dark head of an
infuriated elephant. For a second the
creature glared at the astonished boat's
erew;then, with an ear-splitting scream,
lowered Its head, and like an arrow
came for the boat.
There was no time to do anything, to
jump or even think. " Crash! and the
frail craft rose bodily Into the air,
while the bruised and half-stunned oc
cupants were thrown violently into the
sea. Fortunately for them, the mon
ster's attention seemed exclusively riv
eted upon the boat, the fragments of
which it literally smashed into match
wood.' :" . .
Neither the commander nor bis men
seem to know very well how they reach
ed land, so exhausted and unstrung had
the experience left them.
Returning later to the cruiser on a
shore boat, the commander determined
pluckily to organize a party for the
hunting down and. If possible, the cap
ture of their assailant. On the follow
ing day nine boats went forth, each
containing the full complement, of men
armed with rifles, and among whom
were several harpooners.
Advancing in a semi-circle, the boats
drew across the small bay which had
been the scene of the previous day's
Incident. Till within fifty yards from
the shore nothing unusual occurred.
Then suddenly a huge black mass rose
threateningly in a circle of foam and
quite close to the enter boats. Two
harpooners poised their weapons, which
in another Instant stuck quivering in
the monster's body, while's shower of
bullets followed in a volley.
With an angry snort of pain, the
creature darted toward the . nearest
boat, only to be met by another deadly
volley, fired at very close range, which
ripped and -tore it unmercifully. Dazed
Dy such, a reception, the monster ap
peared to hesitate. Another volley fol
lowed, and when the smoke cleared
there was nothing visible on the sur
face save a streaking of blood-red foam.
Whir! went the harpoon lines, while the
jrien sat excitedly waiting a reappear
ance of the foe.
"He's making. In for the shore now,
sir!" shouted one of the officers to the
commander, and the boats were signal
ed to close in. For nearly two minutes
the brute remained below, swimming
slowly back and forward; then, on re
appearing, it lay quietly, as though ex
hausted. The boats approached cau
tiously, and when quite close five more
harpoons were transfixed; then instant
ly dividing, the boats pulled rapidly for
the shore:
Now commenced a tug-of-war lasting
for nearly three hours, till at last, weak
with struggling and loss of blood, the
hnge monster was hauled into shallow
water to await the receding tide. Not
one of the party, from the commander
down to the little miQQy, but - was
thankful for the rest.
In about an hour's time the tide had
gone out sufficiently, and the battle be
gan again, but now all the advantage
lay with the sailors. . After a vicious
struggle in which several blue-jackets
were severely injured by fragments of
rock hurled about by the monster In
Its death throes, it lay battered, silent
and motionless.
This, gigantic: specimen of sea life Is
macrohlnus elephantinus or proboscide-
ous, measuring just under forty feet
long, and weighing over thirteen tons.
It has a trunk- four feet long, and a
general . conformation closely resem
bling that of the ordinary elephant.
save that there are huge fins In place
of legs. It is found only in Antarctic
waters. :'r
LAST OF THE FIRE WALKERS.
Tahltlaa Who Will Carry to the Grave
- a Carious Secret.
Papa Ita, a South Sea Islander who
has been in California for some time,
has sailed for his borne in Tahiti and
will there devote the remainder of his
life to the service of Hinanui-i-te-Aara,
the pagan goddess of fire. With him
will perish a secret which has baffled
many scientific investigators. Papa Ita
Is able to walk to and fro across the
stone bed of a furnace when the rocks
glow with beat. The same stones will
sear and blacken fresh meat in a sec
ond, but this venerable islander walks
unscathed. When he steps off the stones
the soles of his bare feet are not mark
ed In any way. -' '
While in Honolulu recently Papa Ita,
In the presence of a number of Ameri
cans, gave one of bis wonderful per
formances. A large square space was
dug in the earth, and Into it was
thrown a great quantity of wood. On
this was laid several tons of lava and
then the wood was set on fire.- When
nothing was left but live coals, the lava
having become almost white hot Papa
Ita removed his shoes. Then he placed
a wreath of leaves on his brow, -and
holding in bis right hand a wand cut
from a shrub he approached the fur
nace, crooning what sounded like a mel
ancholy Incantation. Without hesitation
he stepped upon the rocks and walked
across, all the While singing In a low
tone. Except for a few shuddering!
cries from the spectators, ' there was
breathless stillness until the old man
stepped on the ground once more.
An Immediate rush was made to ex
amine the soles of his feet' which had
been carefully scanned by physicians
before the exhibition. The same medi
cal men were first to look when Papa
Ita stepped off the glowing lava. His
feet were unharmed. . Once again he
walked across the furnace, stopping In
the middle to gaze about htm, and once
more he was found to be unharmed.
He claims that .Ms secret has been
handed down to him from ancestors
many centuries ago, they having been
the chosen people of Hlnanul-i-te-Aara,
who has protected them from all harm.
"Because my people have been untrue
to the goddess of fire," said the aged
priest in his own language, "she has de
creed that I shall die childless, and
with me must perish the secret of fire.
I know not how or why I am able to
walk on fire without barm." I only
know that it is so, and that it is the
power of Hlnanui-1-te-Aara expressed
in a miracle. It is no trick."
While he was In San Francisco he
was urged .to give an exhibition, but
said he was admonished by the goddess
not to do so, but to return home with
all speed.
DRY SHAVING IN CHINA.
One Authority Says This Has Made
Beards Disappear.
"Dry shaving has been a blessing to
China, and In less than 300 years has
almost removed beards from the faces
of the men of the empire,", observed an
intelligent Chinaman to a Washington
Star reporter., "Originally the Chinese
had heavy beards. This is easily veri
fied by an examination of any of the
old prints of Chinamen, for all of them
show long-bearded men. In time the
people fousd out that there was no par
ticular use for a beard, and that the
wearing of it was expensive outside of
the time actually occupied In trimming
or shaving it. How many Americans
of to-day are forced to spend several
hours a week in a barber's chair? Many
men that I know, Americans and Euro
peans as well, "spend twenty minutes
in the barber's chair every day.
The Chinamen of the olden times.
the kind of Chinaman who figures as
a pirate In your prints, for the good
Chinaman never seems to have got hi
picture In your books at all, until with
in the last fifty years at most always
wore a long beard In reality as well as
in the plctupres. But even he found
out that there was no necessity for it.
The learned men of the empire were
asked to consider the matter, and they
arrived at the conclusion that dry shav
ing was to some extent a remedy. Any
how, official edicts were Issued giving
this Information. The old fellows who
had beards of course were not in it, and
they lived out their days and passed
out of existence with full beards, but
the young were asked to "dry shave."
Thus the reform started, and in five or
six generations of the people the aver
age Chinaman to-day does not have to
devote over one-half hour in a month to
keep his face hairless. In the next two
generations beards are expected to dis
appear absolutely. "It took time to
bring this about but in the life of a na
tion such a thing as a century should
not be allowed to count much. - I think
beards would disappear from Ameri
cans and Europeans in five generations
of people if the people wanted to have
them disappear."
USED AS A TARPAULIN.
The Strange History of a Masterpiece
of Scottish Art.
The long neglected and dishonored
Rubens not long ago discovered In Wap-
ping, England, was not-the first work
of art to be forgotten and thrown aside.
There Is a certain famous Scottish pic
ture which underwent even more strik
ing vicissitudes of fortune.
David Scott R. S. A., presented the
work in 1834 to Bishop Carruthens as a
testimony of gratitude. It was the sen-
saHon of the year at the Royal Scottish
academy. It was engraved in mezzo
tint by Hodgetts, and the print enjoyed
phenomenal popularity. The picture
Itself became a part of the altar piece
of the Roman Catholic Church in Lo
thian street, Edinburgh.
Time passed, and about thirty year?
ago the Catholic community migrated
to a new, church. The canvas of the
altar piece was rolled up and left lying
In the schools, where it was eventually
forgotten. When thickly incrusted with
dirt, the whole, thing was sold for a
trifle to a broker, who thought so little
of his prize that for a time he used it
as a tarpaulin, covering an outhouse
with it.
A traveling showman made a bid for
the canvas, thinking It would do to
ornament the front of his booth, but
he did not get It. A last Indignity was
contemplated by the broker, who was
seriously considering the advisability
of cutting off the heads and making of
them pictures of a convenient size for
selling, when an art collector spied the
treasure, and ; secured it for a small
sum..- The church authorities made vig
orous efforts to recover the masterpiece
when, after careful restoration,- the
value of the picture was disclosed. The
efforts were without avail, for the sale
bad been a valid one. Youth's Com
panion.
?'' .-; Was the Piano Safe?
Some time ago a famous pianist was
giving recitals in an Irish city. He in
variably took' a piano with him to the
different towns -where he performed.
This was not the instrument made use
of at public performances,- but was one
on which the pianist practiced at his
hotel, and was a valuable Instrument of
which he was particularly fond. -.r- :
One night after the conclusion of
recital the musician was alarmed to
learn that his hotel was on fire. In the
greatest anxiety , he questioned the
messenger as to the fate of his beloved
Instrument and eagerly asked if it had
been removed.. The messenger replied
that an attempt had been made to get
it out but this was not successful. -
Noticing the crestfallen look in the
face: of his questioner, the man hasten
ed to add: - - .
"But make yer mind aisy, yer honor.
Sure, the planner will be quite safe, for
as I was leavln' the hose was playin
on If London Tit-Bits.
Every one has his day; and the men
aiso lnciuo tew nights.
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS,
Odd, Cnrions and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Onr Own Day A Budget of Fan.
As usual he was monopolizing the
newspaper.
"Please let me have the woman's
page," she said.
He carefully tore off a page and hand
ed It to her.
It was a full-page advertisement of a
millinery opening, and he chuckled at
his own joke. Chicago Evening post
It Would !-eem Fo.
Rubberton Mav I Inciulre what your
business Is, stranger?
Stranger. (hauchtilvl Sir. I'm a gen
tleman.
Ruhhertnn WpII T rwtnn that's a
good business, stranger, but you're pot
the
omjr man mars iauea at li
'Why am I going to thrash you, Fer
dinand?"
"I dunno. Ain't It bad enough to
have a whackin' without havin' to an
swer conundrums as well?" Ally Slo
per. His Preference.
Oldham Are you going to the lecture
to-night on "The Girl of To-day?"
Younger Guess not. The girl of to
night is more attractive.
Pro'essioual Humorist.
Diggs Your friend, the doctor. Is a
funny fellow, isn't he?
Biggs in what way Is he funny?
Diggs Why, he's always taklnz
somebody off.
- Real Vs. Ideal.
Rural Visitor Doesn't it -cost an aw
ful lot to live in the city? -
Native No, It doesn't cost much to
live; trying to keep up appearances is
what paralyzes a man's bank account
He Bought the Ring.
He (cautiously) Would you er ob
ject If I were to call you by your first
name?
She No, indeed. I don't like my sur
name, anyway. -
He If you could change it what
name would you choose?
She Yours.
Just Like a Man.
'You lived on a Texas ranch for a
number of years, I believe," said the
man. -
'Yes," replied the woman.
'Like it?" queried the man.
'No; it was too lonesome; no neigh
bors to talk to," answered the woman.
'You mean there were no neighbors
to talk about" said the man.
- It All Pepends. .
Young Mother After all, nothing is
so perfect as a baby.
Bachelor Brother That's right espe
cially as a nuisance.
Why Didn't He Pull the Teeth?
Carpenter Well, boy,, have you
ground all the tools, as I told you.
while .I've been out?
Boy (newly apprenticed) Yes, mas
ter, all but this 'ere 'an 'saw. An I
can't quite get the gaps ' out of it-
Punch.
- His little Joke.
Finnigan Ol hear yez hov a glrrul
baby at your house, McManus. Phwat
Is it yez are afther callin' th' Infant?
McManus Shure an' it do be Caro
line th' owld woman tells me, but Oi
call her Carrie for short, OI dunno.
Finnigan Carrie, is it, McManus?
Faith, an' thot's a good name fera fay
male missinger boy, OI'm thinkin'.
Just to Be Pleasant.
Nell You surely don't think Jenkins'
wife pretty.
Belle Certainly not
"But you told May Sowers she was
just lovely. .
"That was because Mav was an riia
flame of Jenkins'." Philadelphia Rec
ord. -
, ' An Tnqniry. .
. Suburbanite Pushington was one of
the most successful men we ever had
in our place.
City Friend Yes? Succeeded in sell
ing out did he? Puck.
A Bharp-Tongued Woman.
Mrs. Wicks When my husband says
anything I have to take it with a grain
of salt '
Mr. Hicks When my wife says any
thing I have to take It with a good
many grains of pepper. Somervllle
JournaL - v
No Harm Wonld Result.
: "Do you mean to say a man might
smoke cigarettes constantly for a week
without any particular harm result
ing?" "Certainly."
"Why, it would kill him." .
"Of course, but It wouldn't seriously
affect any one else." Philadelphia
Press. : - . ;
A Protest.
Beat Selfish.
, Mrs. Selldom " Holme Do you know
anything about that family that is mov
ing into the fiat in the next block.
Mrs. Nexdore No, but I think they
are rather selfish, disagreeable people.
They took all their household furniture
there In these big, covered vans, so no
body could tell what it looked like.
Chicago Tribune.
These Humbug ef Husbands.
"Did your husband go with you to
your picnic, Mrs. Jones?"
"No; his employer Is so mean he
wouldn't let poor Henry off, but Henry
gave him a good talking to about It
and I guess he got ashamed of himself,
for he said Henry could have a two
days' fishing trip." Chicago Record
Herald. Not Co to the Mark.
Magazine Editor Haven't you got a .
poem to go on this page?
Assistant Here's one that I don't
quite get the meaning of, but I suppose
many of our readers will understand It
Magazine Editor That won't do. I
want something that will puzzle every
body. Judge.
Willie Would Have His War.
Little Freddie Mamma, doesn't Un
cle Bob like plum pudding?
Mamma Yes, but the doctor won't
let him eat it
Little Freddie Well, if was as big.
as him there wouldn't be any doctor
big enough to stop me. Boston Her
ald. Answered.
"But how do you pass your time?"
asked the lady from the city of the re
tired business man who had settled on
a farm.
"Well," said the retired business man,
"I spend a good deal of it in explaining
to Inquirers how. I get along out here."
Somervllle Journal.
An Exhibition Stunt.
Mamma The whipping you got yes
terday doesn't seem to have Improved
you. Your conduct has been even worse
to-day.
Willie That's what I wanted to
prove. You said I was bad as I possi
bly could be yesterday, an' I knew you
was wrong. Philadelphia Record.
Gent e Reminder.
Borem (consulting his watch) Isn't
your clock a little slow, Miss Cutting?
Miss Cutting (suppressing a yawn)
No, I think not; but there are time?
when it does seem so.
Best She Could Do.
Guest Waitress, there's a blonde
hair in my soup.
Blonde Waitress Shall I dye my hair
black to please you? Meggendorfer
Blaetter.
Then She Brought the Pie.
Mrs. Strongmlnd Why don't you go
to work?
Tramp Please, mum, I made a sol
emn vow, twenty years ago, that I'd
never do another stroke of work till
women was paid th' same wages as
men. New York Weekly.
Tried Moral Fuasion.
Hoosier Schoolmaster Don't do any
whipping here, eh?
Eastern Pedagogue No; we use
moral suasion.
Hoosier Schoolmaster Moral suasion.
eh? I tried that in Indiana, but it
made a heap of trouble. The girls didn't
object to the kissing, but the old folks
cut up like all possessed. New York
Weekly.
Chasing the Foxy.
She Is your friend going to marry
the widow?
He I think not. He told me he had
a better offer. The Smart Set.
Those Loving Girls.
Mandp Do von think mv new hat- fa
becoming dear?
uiara les, inaeea. n ny, it actually
makes you look ten years younger.
A Cheaper Way. .
Doctor To take the rest cure will
cost you $100 a week.
Henpeck Why, doctor, I can send my
wife away to the country for half that
Judge.
Very Queer.
"It's mighty queer that Frank Tickle-
ton should turn out to be a defaulter,"
remarked Tenspot.
"That's what it is," added Bunting.
"Nobody ever heard him alluded to as
Honest Frank Tiekleton." Puck.
Her Dear Friend's Knock.
Nell Does Miss Antique come of an
old family?
; Belle Both her parents are over 90,
and still living. Philadelphia Record.
United States' Ingratitude.
Robert Morris rendered inestimable
service to his adopted country by put
ting his private fortune Into the breach
in those early days when the Infant
nation was in the closest of financial
straits, says a writer in the July Lip
plncott. The si,500,000 which made it possible 1
for Washington to carry on the cam- '
palgn against Lord Cornwallls was '
raised entirely upon bis own personal
security. For the most trying eight
years of our history this noble man
stood at the monetary helm of our gov
ernment and guided It through many -perils.
Years after, in his old age, un
fortunate land speculation ruined him.
His creditors demanded Immediate
payment His country could : have
saved Morris by paying back a tithe
of what he had freely given to It In its
time of need. This was nnt rtnno
To our " lasting disgrace . he was
thrown Into a debtor's prison and died "
there, an old man of 72. ,
' Some music Is given out by the choir,
but the drummer dispenses it by th
pound. . ' ;