Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Benton County, Or.) 1900-1909, June 07, 1901, Image 4

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Down behind the western hill the red
sun ginks to rest.
All the world is weary, and I am weary,
The partridge seeks its covert, and the
redbird seeks its nest.
And I am coming from the fields, dear
heart, to home and you.
Home when the daylight is waning;
Home, when my toiling is done;
Ah! down by the gate, sweet, watch
ing eyes wait
My coming at setting of sun.
The sheep from off the hillside haste to
the shepherd s fold,
For death lurks in the mountains and
darkness comes apace.
The fleeing sun looks backward and turns
the sky to gold.
Then folds the mantle of the night
across its crimson face.
Home when the daylight is waning;
Home, when my toiling is done;
Ah! down by the gate, sweet, watch
ing eyes wait
My coming at setting of sun.
Lay aside the hoe and spade, and put the
sickle by;
.AH the world is weary, and I am
weary, too.
Gently fades the rosy light from out the
western sky.
And I am coming from the fields, dear
heart, to home and you.
Home when the daylight is waning;
Home, when my toiling is done;
Ah! down by the gate, sweet, watch
ing eyes wait
My coming at setting of sun.
American Agriculturist.
VBRYBODT but Captain Marvin
liked handsome Ned. Grayling,
the most' popular hand on board
the old Vanguard.
Ned never shirked his duty, but it
was known to a few that be was dead
in love with pretty Cora, the skipper's
daughter, who was engaged to a man
named Audley, a Junior partner in the
firm of owners, whom she had never
seen. Hence, the old man's dislike for
Cora was on board, going home from
Shanghai to her future husband, as we
"Ned," said I to him one morning.
I've a good mind to get off this rail
and give yon a toweling on the spot.
You orter have it good and solid. .You
orter know what chance a common
sailor has with the captain and act
like somebody. Come, give up , the
"Never." -
"You'll be sorry for it some time."
Ned looked over bis shoulder and saw
Cora standing in the waist and had
work there Instantly. I was vexed,
for I knew that the old man was
watching him, and I was afraid he
would get into trouble. He only said
a word or two and passed on, but the
old man saw him speaking to her and
bore up to him.
"Look here, my lad," he said, "didn't
yon speak to my daughter just now?"
Yes, sir," replied Ned. "Any orders
to the contrary?"
Yes," growled the old man. "You
dare speak to her again and I'll have
all the skin off your back."
"Give your orders, Captain Marvin,
and I will try to obey them."
You must never speak to the girl
again. She's a fool and forgets that
I've promised her to the best young
man In Philadelphia; . leastways every
one says so. But I - never saw him.
Now you must come and make trouble.
blame your -
"I love Cora," said Ned, quickly. "If
you were to kill me you couldn't
change that. But I'm a gentleman,
and if she is promised to some one else
and cares for htm I'm not the man to
stand In her way. I give you my word
not to speak to her unless you give me
"Go forward, then; I believe you will
do as you say," said the captain.
He didn't speak to Cora again, but
the old man forgot to tell him not to
write, and I believe they wrote enough
letters to fill a mall bag.
We. made Calcutta by daylight and
ran in with a pilot, and just as he took
the ship in charge the captain ran be
low to get a glass of grog and found
bis daughter reading Ned s last note.
Well, " he tore Around the cabin and
swore until you'd have thought he'd
start off all the deck planks. Then he
came on deck on the jump and ordered
me to put Ned in irons.
"I'll have you towea asnore on a
grating, you confounded lubber," he
"No, you won't, captain V cried Ned.
What have I done now?"
"You promised not to speak to
"1 kept my word, sir."
"Yes, and she's got a stack of letters
from you as high as the mainmast I
ought to seize you up to the rigging
and give you forty lashes."
I wouldn't do that," said Ned, with
a peculiar look In his eyes. "You've
got the right to send me ashore, now
we are In port, but no flogging, if you
please. Now, 1 11 make you an offer:
You let me stay ou board until we get
to Calcutta, and after twelve hours, if
you do not take back all you have said,
I will agree never to speak to Cora,
write to her or see her again."
"That's fair," said the old man. "Old
geth Audley comes aboard there, and
111 tell him what a sea lawyer I've
shipped." .'---i '
- The pilot took us in' safely, and two
hours '. later we were boarded by a
shore boat, carrying a passenger, just
such an old blower as our old man and
with as little bite In him. They shook
hands and dragged each other up and
down the deck, and then the old man
asked him into the cabin and showed
his daughter, whom the old chap had
never seen. - ,
"She'll do," said old Audley. "Clean
built little clipper as' ever I see. If my
boy Ned objects to acting as convoy
for such a. craft as that I'll, have him
up at the grating. But where Is he?"
"I don't know anything about him,"
said the captain. "But I've got a man
on board who swears he'll marry Cora,
and blame my eyes If I don't think he
will if your son ain't smart." .
"If he can weather on Ned Audley,
give him the girl!" roared the passen
ger. 'My boy is smart, I tell you. He
Spectacular Figure
:: P ifal mailt ' &' : '
James R. Keene, one of the foremost figures in the public eye during the recent
skyrocket flights of railroad and industrial stocks, has earned the title of the
"Prince of Plungers." Conspicuous iu that group of operators famous in Wall
street for the last fifteen years, he has made and lost at least four fortunes in the
battle of speculation. During his career, and often with his back to the wall,
Mr. Keene fenced with the late Jay Goald and such other masters of the game
of stocks and money. His recent deals, it
uouia ever attemptea. -
Mr. Keene has a habit of speaking of millions of winnings as lightly as if he
were a farmer gratified over a good irorse trade. This man, who has built up
and toppled over fortune after fortune si nee his entry in Wall street in 1877, was
born in England in 1838, the son of a merchant. Meeting with financial losses,
his father removed his family to California in 1852, and James R. Keene, then
but 14 years of age, began earning his first salary by caring for the cattle and
other animals kept at Fort Beading, then in the Indian country. . .':-"
He later tried mining and stock rais'.ng. He secured property near the cele
brated Comstock lode in Nevada, went to San Francisco, plunged into mining
speculation, and made a fortune. In the crash which followed, he lost every
cent. A friend bought him a seat on the San Francisco Stock Exchange, and
uy a lucKy purcnuse a lew years imer ue cleared up o,uuu,UUU. In . 1ST7, en
route to Europe, he took his first "flyer" in Wall street. He operated cau
tiously, selling tut his holdings two years later, for $9,000,000. This grew to
$15,000,000, and in the early '80s all was swept away in an attempted wheal;
corner. He made and lost another fortune, and then, in 1898. backed onlv bv
an indomitable will, he aided in cornering
quarter. In two months sugar stocks yielded him $2,000,000. Recently he got
on the "right side" of the market, and his fortune to-day is estimated at $12,
000,000. - -. - r
went up to Shanghai to why, there
he is!"
The door swung open and Ned Gray
ling walked in.
'That's the man!" cried Captain Mar
vin. "He says he will have her, and
I'll give my consent But Pll see him
hanged!". - : :
Don't swear, Captain," said Ned,
slapping him familiarly on the shoul
der. "I'm Ned Grayling Audley, . the
son of that old fellow there, and I ship
ped in the Vanguard to see. how I liked
Cora before I married her. And I loved
her from the start, and .unless you or-
der me ashore "
"Shut up!" roared Captain Marvin.
Steward, bring on the wine while I
driuk the health of my future son-in-law.
But I was very near flogging you,
my boy, very near it." New York
News. ' . ' 7- ' -
Bvolntlon Tbeorlata Declare . He Baa
Attained It by Slow Degree j.
Since Huxley's pioneer work in 1863
a host or investigators nave carried
forward the study of structural resem
blances connecting the genus man with
lower genera and orders, says Prof. W.
J. McGee. in his address as retiring
president of the Anthropological So
ciety of Washington. To-day the phys
ical similarities are among the com
monplaces of knowledge, whatsoever
pit Hw 3TY--
Samuel P. Thrasher of New Haven, Conn., is making an effort to have the
clock face that all humanity has been consulting for centuries changed for one
made suitable for the progressive people of the twentieth century. In stating his
objections to the present system of telling time' Mr. Thrasher points out that
there is a bewildering, brain-trying number of figures which are never necessary
at one time for one hour indications on the face of the clock of to-day, and he
further says that some of these -figures are right side up while others are upside
down, some repose on their sides, while others are placed at various angles.
This, as can be readily seen, creates confusion and often Tenders it difficult to
tell che exact time at a glance. - - -
In Mr. Thrasher's system there are never more than four figures shown on the
dial of the clock at once, and they so indioate the time that no mistake is possi
ble, and indicate it so accurately that valuable minutes need never be lost. Under
many ordinary circumstances a minnte over or under time will cause no great .
inconvenience or trouble, but there are many conditions when even the loss of a
few seconds means the loss of millions of money, or even the wrecking of lives.
Mr, Thrasher by his new system has evolved not only a singular time indication
for clocks, but he has also developed clock mechanisms radically different from
present practice, which will probably in a short while absorb much of the busi
ness in time indicators and become the standard system of the twentieth century.
By the new clock a child will have nj difficulty In telling the exact - time.
When the hour of the old-fashioned timepiece is dangling in one direction between
VI and VII and the minute hand is losing itself in another direction somewhere
between XI and XII, the new timepiece will read simply and conclusively 0.58.
In another minute the last figure magically disappears and 9 takes its place,
and in sixty more seconds all the figures vanish and in their place appear 7.00.
To state the system clearly and tersely, time' will be told as the railroad time table
tells it. And with the general introduction of this system would be done away
with such bungling expressions entailed
wreath of figures as 20 minutes past
'he crisp, accurate terminology of the
fo.-ty-six, etc " '
in Wall Street.
is declared, have outdone anything that J
tobacco. He made a million and a
the background of philosophical opin
ion concerning cause and sequence.
During the last decade or two the in
vestigators themselves, with scarce an
exception, have gone one step farther
and now include sequence of develop
ment from lower to higher forms as
among the commonplaces of opinion.
whatsoever the background of nieta-.
physical notion as to cause. There the
strictly biologic , aspect of the ques
tion as to man's place in nature may
safely be considered to rest. -
The chief advances in anthropology
have related to what men do and what
men -think, and the progress has been
such as to Indicate with fairly satis
factory clearness the natural history
of human thinking, as well as that of
human doing. As is shown by the
latest researches, the mental workings
of the human are analogous with those
of the lower animals, while the range
from the instinct and budding reason
of higher animals to the thinking of
lowest man would seem far less than
that separating the beast-fearing sav
age from the scientist and statesman.
In short, the evident tendency of the
science of anthropology Is,; according
to Prof. McGee,- toward the establish
ment of a mental as well as a physi
cal evolution of man from a prototype
of lower rank in the animal kingdom.
The poet writes lines on time and
time retaliates by writing lines on him.
TM oj.B yryi.e-
by the old circular dial plate with its .
9, 14 minutes of viz. Instead we shall adopt
time table, and) say nine twenty, eleven
' S " ' .- ; .
" I i
Ax and Saw Contest Create as Much
- Furore There as Football and Base
ball Do In America or the Olympic
Oamea In Greece.
Tasmania may justly claim the credit
of having given the world a new sport.
In that far-off laud, among the men of
brawn " and might, whose swinging
axes have felled the towering forests
and converted their trackless" depths
into flourishing farmlands, has arisen
a contest fit for kings, a form of ath
letic exercise, calculated to bring the
thrill ot delight to all who have an
honest admiration for good red blood
and the display of mighty muscle sys
tematically trained to do useful work.
The' new sport may be designated as
"axmansbip," and although it is of but
recent origin It has already taken the
premiership over all other sports. What
the bull-fighter is to Spain and Mex
ico, the cricketer to England, the
swordsman to France, the hockey
player to Canada, and the football and
baseball hero to the United States, the
champion axman has become to the
brawn-loving Australians.
The championship contest or carnival
Is held yearly in Ulverstine, Tasmania,
some time during the first two months
of the year, under the auspices of an
organization specially formed for the
purpose, bearing the title of the "Uni
ted Australian Axinen's Association."
The entries to the yearly competition
are not confined to Tasmania, but come
also from Victoria, New South Wales
and New Zealand. Each district has
Its champion, and among the adher
ents of these various stars there is the
most heated controversy as to the re
spective merits of each. For months
before the great contest these brawny
axmen spend all their spare time prac
ticing, until they develop a speed and
strength that Is little short of marvel
ous. This year's carnival Is conceded
to have been the most successful since
the yearly meeting was Inaugurated,
In the championship-chopping con
tests there were six trials and the final.
Eight men participated In each of the
trials, and the winners fought out the
finals. As this contest is designed
primarily to test a man's skill in fell
ing a tree, the log, a great piece ' of
tough wood, six feet four inches in
girth, is placed firmly in the ground, as
though It were a growing tree.
Five minutes before the beginning of
the heat the referee's ' whistle sum
mons the contestants Into the inclosure.
They are all splendid specimens of
physical prowess thick set, deep
chested. Iron muscled and bronzed
from exposure. Each carries his favor
ite ax, the fullest latitude being al
lowed in the matter of selection. It is
a significant fact that several of the
saws and axes used this year were the
product of American firms. : When all
is ready the pistol shot sounds and the
contest is on. . - -
Scarcely less exciting is the sawing
contest. The log used is the same size
as that employed in the chopping con
test, but the Upe made is" jnuclT more
rapid, for the great saw cuts through
the wood much more quickly; than the
ax can go.
This -yeaf for the first time the ax
men's and sawyers' championships were
won by the same man Thomas Pettitt.
of Sprint, Tasmania. Not only did he
win both events, but he also broke the
record for each. : " V
One of the Moat Extraordinary Fa
. tie Cases la Judicial Annalv
A suit In the Superior Court in. Ra
leigh, N. C," against the Seaboard Air
Line Railway has brought to light the
most novel .accident known to the an
nals of jurisprudence. - ;
The vestibule passenger train from
Atlanta was bowling along toward Ra
leigh on a down grade at the rate of
fifty miles pef hour at 10 o'clock In the
morning.- William Watllngton was on
his way to a wild turkey blind, which
he has baited,, and had his double
barreled, breech-loading shotgun on his
shoulder, two cartridges being in the
chambers. On reaching the railroad
track, which was on an embankment
about ten feet high, at this place, Mr.
Watllngton heard the train in the dis
tance and stopped on the side of the
track about fifty feet away to. view the
train as it swept by. : He could not
see over the embankment on the other
side of the track. Along beside the
embankment on both sides of the track
there are the usual ditches, which were
filled with water. "' Mr. Watlington
was standing between the embankment
and one of these ditches on the north
side of the track with his gun on his
right shoulder. On the other side of
the track were a number of cattle nip
ping grass, which. Mr. Watllngton could
not see. - - -
Just a few seconds before the train
las ed these .cattle commenced . to
struggle across the track to the side on
which Mr. , Watllngton was standing.
The bovines all got safely across except
one small Jersey bull. He was caught
on the cowcatcher and hurled away
with. . terrible velocity and, as .mis
fortune would have it, he struck Mr.
Watlington about midships and
Knocked him down Into the ditch and
planted the bull on top Of him. -
The bull was stunned and struggled,
out coma not get up, and the water
Was drowning both- man and beast.
xne engineer, , air. . tioneycutt, was
watching the cattle and had not seen
Mr. Watlingtpn, and when the fireman
told him what had happened he stopped
the .train and hurried back, and got
there In time to get Mr. Watlington and
the bovine out of the ditch before they
were drowned Striking Mr. Watltng.
ton and knocking him into the water
saved the life of the bull, and the water
saved the blow by the bull from killing
Watlington. . 7.; .
Further, examination showed that the
bull; struck Mr. Watllngton and the
shock had knocked, the gun some dis
tance, and when It struck the ground it
was discharged and killed one of the
cows and wounded another so badly
that it had to be killed. - The gun was
not injured. .. -.. -.-
On these facts Judge Brown held than
the railroad company was not liable in
damages to Mr. Watlington. Since the
trial the owner- of the two cows baa
sued Mr.- Watllngton and . recovered
$100 in full damages for their killing.
Mr. Watllngton says the ending of
this lawsuit bangs a blue sheep: . That
he was knocked down by a Jersey bull,
which was hurled at htm by the train,
and nearly drowned, and his gun la dis
charged and kills two cows, and be gets
no damage and Is compelled to pay $100
for being the principal In the most-celebrated
case In the history of accident
by railroad trains.
But since all this happened Mr. Wat
llngton has had a great piece of good
luck to befall him. He ha been work
ing for H. N. Snow, at High Point, In
the furniture business. Mr. Snow Is
getting old and, being rich and tired of
the business, he retired and eave the
whole plant and business, worth $20,
000, to Mr. Watllngton. who waa of no
kin to him, but simply a faithful em
ploye. So. Mr. Watllngton has had
some recompense for hi itiwHiiui
witn the bull and train. Chicago
uronicie. .
Century in Office.
Hubbard B. McDonald, whose official
title Is Journal clerk to the United
States Senate, but who Is in reality the
parliamentarian of
that body, is the
third of his imme
diate family to oc
cupy that position.
His grandfather,
John G: McDon
ald, was appoint
ed chief clerk of
the Senate in 1809,
and continued in
that position until
his death, in 1836.
His son, the father of the present in
cumbentwas appointed to succeed
him, and he remained as the official
helmsman of the Senate until his
death, nearly twenty-flve years ago.
Even before the death of his 'father
Hubbard. McDonald had become con
nected with the Senate in a clerical ca
pacity, and he has how served for
many years as Its parliamentary ex
pert. It Is his business to sit close to
the presiding officer of the Senate and
keep him from falling into parliament
ary pitfalls. He reports that of all the
Vice Presidents it has been his fortune
to coach Mr. Roosevelt Is by far the
hardest to keep In line. "Teddy" has
such decided ideas and opinions of his
own that he yields with poor grace to
the mandates of tradition and prece
: Fop His Country.
Lord R , who had many good qual
ities, and even learning, had a strong
desire of being thought skillful In phy
sic, and was very expert in bleeding.
Lord Chesterfield, who knew his foi
ble and wished on a certain occasion
to have his vote, went J.o him one
morning and after having conversed on
lnainerent matters, complained of a
headache and desired his lordship to
feel his pulse. It was found to beat
high and a hint of bleeding was thrown
out. "I have no obiection and as
hear your lordship has a" masterly-
hand, will you favor me with trying
your lancet upon me?" said the tact
ful and politic Chesterfield.. After the
operation he said: "By the way, do
you go to the house to-day?".
I did not intend to go, not being
sufficiently informed of the question to
be debated," answered the impromptu
physician. "Which side will you be
of?" .: ; , -.' .v.
Lord Chesterfield, "having gained his
confidence, easily directed his judg
ment; he took him to the house and
got him to vote as he pleased. -; He af
terwards said that few of his friends
had done as much as he, having liter
ally bled for the good of his country. -
Goldsmith's Generosity. ,
A beggar once asked alms of Oliver
Goldsmith as he walked with a friend
up Fleet street, and he gave her a
shilling. His companion, knowing
something of the woman, censured the
writer for his excess of humanity, say
ing thatthe shilling was misapplied,
as she would spend it for .liquor. "If
it makes her happy in any way, my
end is answered," replied Goldsmith.
Another proof that the .doctor's gen
erosity, was not-always regulated by
discretion was at-a time when., after
much delay, a day was fixed to pay the
forty pounds due his tailor. Goldsmith
procured the money, but a friend call
ing upon him and relating a piteous
tale of his goods being seized' for rent,
the thoughtless but benevolent author
gave him all the money. The tailor
called and was told that If he had
come a little sooner he could have had
the money, but that he had Just parted
with every shilling of it to a friend in
distress, adding: "I would have been
an unfeeling monster not to have re
lieved trouble when in my power.""
. I Paid. In His Own Coin.
The Atlanta Journal relates an amrja-
Ing encounter which . Maurice Barry-
more once had with a stranger." "Will
you oblige me with a light?" said Bar-
rymore to a belated stroller. ."Certain
ly," said the stranger, holding over his
cigar. "-. : .. - V X -
- But when BSrrymore handed back
the perfecto the owner flung it away.
Out came Barrymore's cigar case.
"Take one of mine," he said, with a
tone to the invitation which made an
order of it The stranger hesitated and
took the cigar. -
"Let me offer you a light," aded Bar-
rymore, giving his lighted weed to the
other. .. ,. . -
- Upon regaining his cigar, Barrymore,
of course, flung it away,
"I should like to continue this Indef
initely, but I have only a few cigars,"
he said, and walked off. . . .y - -
Barrymore would devote' as much
thought to a trifle like this as he would
require to write a brilliant essay or
memorize a part. . " - J
' Welsh Language.
The poll taken of Cardiff, Wales, on
the question whether children in the
board ' schools 1 should be taught the
Welsh language has resulted in a ma
jority of votes against It. .
-C: ' 'ri'.:-. Had Not Lis. ,
First Kansan Did thet cyclone dam
age Jed Perkins' house enay? ,
Second Kansas Dunno; it hain't lit
yit. Ohio State Journal.
You know how other people bore you.
Look yourself over"; maybe you have
the habit
Joke and Jokeleta that Are Supposed
. to Have Been Recently Born Baying
and Doing that Are Old, Cnrlona and
Laughable The Week's Humor.
A farmer has an ambitious son, 12
years old, who, being left alone for a
few hours the other day, tried to clean
the clock. ' He easily got the clock to
pieces, but his difficulty lay In putting
It together again after cleaning.
At this task he was only partly suc
cessful, and upon his father's return
home he eagerly exclaimed:
"Father, I've cleaned the clock and
got enough works left over to make
another oner Exchange.
A Careless Remark.
"I am really afraid you hurt that
actor's feelings," said Miss Cayenne.
"In what way?"
"You said he played hla part very
well. You know he is very sensitive,
and by using the word 'part,' he may
i have thought you were trying to imply
that he is not the whole show. Wash
ington Star.
"In Bed with the Grin,"
The Fplrlt's Calmer Betreat.
"Jones, next door, is getting old."
"What do you go by?"
"He's quit talking baseball and gone
to talking garden."
A Philosopher.
Wife There's a burglar down cellar.
Husband Well, my dear, we ought to
be thankful that we are upstairs.
Wife But hell come up here.' .
- Husband Then we'll go down cellar.
my dear. Surely, a 10-room house ought
to be big enough to hold three people
without crowding.
. Clubberly Just because I haven't
paid my bill for a year, my tailor won't
make me another suit of clothes.
Castleton What will you do?
"I ' shall threaten to take my trade
elsewhere." . -
A Misfit. -
"That engagement of young Mr.
Dolley and Miss Kittish is broken off.'
"What was the cause?"
"0, Dolley put his foot in It as usual.'
"He was trying to pay her a compli
ment and said she'd been looking real
pretty the last few days."
Too Late. - 1
He Your father ought to know what
I have to say to him. I have been com
ins here so long.
N She I am afraid he has given up all
hope. ' - -
. Business Repartee.
Strange Lady What's the price of
this iron bedstead?
Dealer Twelve dollars, madame.
Strange Lady How much off if I pay
cash? ' '
Dealer Madame, if you don t pay
cash the bed Is not for sale.
Knew Where He Stood.
-"There's one thing I must say for
Henrietta," said Mr. Meekton. "She
Is very Arm, once she gets her mind
made up." . : 1
"She can't be argued out of her opin
ion." ; i
"No, Indeed! . That's what makes
home so happy. If she expresses her
self in the morning I knew perfectly
well that she hasn't changed her mind
when I get home at night. It makes it
very much easier to converse." Wash
ington Star. :
6he Had Been Through the Pockets.
- Mrs. I see by this morning's paper
that there is very little change in men'
trousers this spring.
Mr. Yes, I notice that.
Appreciation Appreciated.
"Does cook complain of my healthy
appetite?" . ;
"Oh, no; she says she would rather
cook for six men with big appetites
than for one woman without any."
-" - "Quite Likely.
The Chronic Discussionlst (truculent
ly) If Andrew Jackson. were alive to
day what would be his sentiments
this matter?
The Sober-MInded Citizen (wearily)
He would be glad lie was dead, I pre
sume. Puck. .
In His Line.
Howland Rantt You are a new mem
ber of our company. May I ask, sir,
your role? .
The Other I am the advance agent
Howland Rantt Indeed! Well,' could
you er advance me a fiver? Phila
delphia Record. '
z"y- Close Quarters.
- She Am I really the first girl you
ever hugged?
; He-rY-e-s but I've made calls
erlrls who lived in flats. New ?ork
Weekly. ' .. ' - ' :
The Cares of Riches.
"Do you find the possession of a large
sum of money occasions worry?" said
the inquisitive man. ;.- - ;
"I do," answered the millionaire.
"What sort of worry?"
"Worry for fear somebody Is going
to ge it away from me." Washington
Home Thrnit
Doctor Do you know that at times
my patriotism almost prompts me -to
give up my practice and enlist In our
country's cause In the Philippines."
Experienced Patient (on the. spur of
the moment) You will surely sow the
seeds of consternation In the ranks of
the enemy, doctor, if you charge them
as you have charged me. Richmond
Busnecled Braza-adoclo.
"What makes you so unfriendly to
that newcomer T"
Well," said Bronco Bob, "the fust
thing he said when he struck the town
was that he thought of edltln' a paper
in Crimson Gulch. I hate to see a man
come around like that advertlsln' his
self as bloodthirsty an' troublesome."
Washington Star.
A Diaagrreeable Characteristic
Katharine I detest that Mr. Tiffing-
ton. '
Margaret Why, Katharine?
"Oh, he's the kind of man who al
ways calla when you are expecting
somebody else who doesn't come."
To Be Sure. -Mistress
And you say your brother
choked to death? What on?
Maid On a chair, ma'am. He was
eating dinner. Indianapolis Sun. r '
The Darktown Minstrels.
"Mr. . Johnslng, can you tole me
what's de difference between a Span
ish amusement an' what a savage dog
gets out of a tramp?"
Dat's too rich for me. What's de
It's dead easy. One am a bull fight.
de odder a full bite."
Bound to Kick.
Sharpson You made $13,000 clear
last year, and yet you're complaining
of your hard luck!
Phlatz Well, blame it, look at that
On the Part of the Cuatomers.
Proprietor (of restaurant) I believe
our new cashier will bear watching.
Assistant Bear It? Why, she posi
tively enjoys it!
A Man of Conrage.
She I dldn t suppose you
had the .
nerve to kiss .me.
He Oh, yes. I have got nerve enough
to do anything. .
The Humors of Trave'. .
Did Clara bring home an interesting
lot of photographs of her foreign tour?"
Yes dreadfully funny; she didn't
write names on them and can't tell
what more than half of them are."
Was Hnnery.
Passenger (5 al m.) I say, old sport
what o'clock is it?
Second Officer We have no such
thing as o'clock on board ship, sir. It
is bells here.
Passenger Then please have me call
ed in time for the first breakfast bell..:
- A Eepraved Variety.
"What kind of a town is that place
you've been visiting,v Laura?" "
Oh, it's the kind that always has a
rain going on when you get there."..,.
As to the New Pastor. '
Maud How do you like our new. -i
Mabel He's splendid. I haven't .-
heard him preach yet but he golfs
A Vernal Setback." .
"Well, Jimmie, do you want gran'pa,
and pa and ma and Aunt Carrie to take
you to the circus?"
No, pa; I'd rather go 'th Tommy
Able to Comply.
Teacher Thomas, give me your idea
of the differences between a curve and .
an angle. -
Tommy Tucker My Aunt Ann is all
curves, and my Aunt Hepsy is all an
The Overcoat Vacation.
"Yes, when I put away my overcoat
for the summer I drop a camphor ball
in each pocket" ' . "
Do you? Three gilt balls are enough
for mc'V-Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Urbane Minister Wu. :
Sarcastic Editor Your interview 'n
with the Chinese minister doesn't seem -to
have been much of a success.
Indignant Reporter It doesn't? I got ,..
more questions out of him han all the
other fellows put together. Chicago
Tribune. - "
-'.'.' The Worst.
Mrs. Gush I heard all about your
poor husband having his arm broken
in that dreadful street car accident
yesterday; let me sympathize with you.
Mrs. Swagger O, thank you, but that
Isn't the worst; my new hat was simply
ruined in the wreck.-Oh!o State Jour-
naL ; "
American Ways in Jamaica.
When you arrive at your hotel in
Kingston, Jamaica and here it may be
remarked that the town contains but
one hotel worthy of the name you are .
at once made aware that the establish
ment Is conducted "on , the American
plan," says a correspondent in the
London Daily Malt ' The guide book',
says so, and the inevitable iced water '
confirms the statement. Outside, on
Harbor street the fine system of elec
tric trams makes you as an English
man blush to the hat brim.' Call a
" 'bus" It is a buggy of the American
pattern and drive to the railway sta
tion, and" once more the handiwork
and enterprise of the Americans are
In evidence, for the engine is of United
States design and the cars are of the
same make.' One Is therefore not sur
prised to learn that an American start
ed the railway business in Jamaica
and eventually sold out at a handsome
figure to the government of the colony. -
"Believe only half you hear," says
the proverb; but when a woman tellt,
you her age the chances are you will
hear only half what you believe.