CONFIDENCE. 4fc I
POOR PLACE FOR THESPIANS.
Co
5
poverty does not render a man
morbid it makes him gentle and
kind-hearted. That is what it did
for Jonathan Harrod. In the early
days we had roomed together in col
lege I was going to say slept together,
but Jonathan seldom slept. He smoked
and drank coffee and worked instead,
and blossomed into a winner of prizes.
As Jonathan was in love as well as in
debt, and Just as prone as I to substi
tute pipes for meals when the larder
was low, we learned to love each other
during those four years with an affec
tion that was Arm and confiding.
Jonathan used to advise me to fall in
love, too. "I tell you, old man," he
would say, when opening a letter of
familiar blue, "when you are not feel
ing well, and the world grates on you
like a camel's-hair shirt, there is noth
ing so good as an old-fashioned love
letter."
, The writer of the old-fashioned mis
sives lived out West, in Harrod's na
tive town, and, although 1 never met
her, I came to know her almost as well
as Harrod did, he spoke of htv so often.
And then I used to watch his face
when he read her letters. They must
have been tender and sympathetic, but
withal a dash of ambition and inspira
tion in them. No tale of village gossip
could have brought that light into Jon
athan's eyes nor that flash of color to
his cheek. At their conclusion he would
dream a while, perhaps, and then fall
at his books and work like mad.
He showed me her picture one night.
She was dark with a high forehead
and shadowy eyes. The mouth and
chin were both well formed but rather
masculine. It was a beautiful face
though not pretty.
Although Harrod had loved the girl
all his life and she him, if there be
aught in the signs of the zodiac they
had a misunderstanding of some sort
or other during the summer that fol
lowed his graduation. When he re
turned East the following autumn he
was quieter than ever before, and, if
possible, more gentle and sympathetic.
He and I had rooms together, where, In
lieu of other inexpensive pastimes, we
were wont to spend the evenings work
ing and reading. I saw from the first
that something ailed him; and, as he
no longer received the blue envelopes,
nor counseled me to lose my heart, I
guessed the reason and asked no ques
tions. He did not become apathetic
Jonathan didn't. His old habit of work
was stronger than ever. And now his
stories began to appear occasionally in
the magazines, and the dear public to
recognize his name and to read what
went with it.
Two years had passed away before
Jonathan had made even the slightest
reference to this love affair of his, and
that was when he came into my room
one cheerless, gray November after
noon, the picture of abject melancholy.
In his hand was a crumpled piece of
paper. This he placed before me on
the table, then he went and seated him
self before the fireplace, where I could
not see his face. The paper was a clip
ping from some inland journal describ
ing in florid terms the. wedding of Miss
Winifred Conover to one Amos Schen
eck. . Only half the article had been
clipped, evidently, and this had been
pasted on a half-sheet of note paper.
I read the tawdry effusion through, then
I twisted it to pieces and dropped it
Into the waste basket.
"Jonathan, my boy," I said, going
over and seating myself on the arm of
his chair, "who sent you this thing?"
"I do not know." And there was a
world of sadness in his voice. "The en
velope was addressed in a strange hand
and not a word acompanied It."
We were both silent for a moment.
The logs were burning cheerily, outside
the wind was blowing a gale. Jonathan
sat with his face in his hands. "When
I came here to you just now," he said,
"I was chilled and lonely the day is
so somber, and I had been tramping
all over the country, and well, I came
to say good-by. I wanted to leave this
life and wait for Winifred in the next,
for"--his voice went straight to my
heart "ah, Billy, I love her so!" I re
garded him with compassion. "You lie
down here on the lounge before the
fire," I commanded him, "and stop this
brooding." I pushed forward the
couch as I spoke, and he dropped on it
like an obedient child. He gave me one
grateful look, and then, under the in
fluence of the genial warmth and the
fatigue of many vigils fell fast asleep.
There are days in the lives of us all,
I fancy, when a vague and subtle sense
of mystery invests the commonest ob
jects; when our minds recognize new
qualities in common things; when the
look in the eyes of a child, the glint of
sunlight in a woman's hair, the sound
of a distant churcbbell, stir feelings
deep within us we have never known
befori-. That afternoon there was a
white tarnation in the vase on my writ
ing table, and as I sat there pondering
Jonathan's sorrows its perfume stole
into my brain like a sweet and potent
anodyne. It conjured up visions as fair
as the dreams of Dr. Faustus, and yet
and yet, there was a sense of forebod
ing, a premonition of something about
to occur.
Whether or not I dozed I cannot say,
but suddenly I was aware that some
other than Jonathan was in the room,
and that he was wide awake and look
ing at me intently. I raised my eyes,
and there, to my infinite surprise and
astonishment, I saw standing opposite
me, across the table, a stylishly gowned
young woman.'
I started to my feet with an apology
on my lips, but as I glanced at her face
my tongue was tied and I remained
silent. She was dark and with a high
forehead and shadowy eyes. The
mouth and chin were both well formed,
but rather masculine. And she was
beautiful, though not pretty.
, "Miss Conover," I exclaimed.
"Yes," she answered, with a voice
that was low and vibrant, "it Is I."
Then, with her brown eyes fixed on the
white carnation and the color mantling
her cheek, she continued. "I have Just
arrived in the city. Yesterday I learned
that an ancient enemy of Jonathan's
sent him a. paragraph from an account
of cousin's wedding, and" the color
increased, then quickly subsided
"knowing Jonathan so well, I wished,
if possible, to see him before the clip
ping reached him. And you see, I
knew you aiso knew him well." Her
lips closed tightly for a second, then
curved into a smile. Two great tears
started from beneath the drooping
lashes, but were quickly intercepted.
I looked toward the place where Jon
athan lay. A screen was between him
and the visitor, and only his soft res
piration betrayed his presence. I
turned to Miss Conover.
"Jonathan loves yon," I said. "Do
you love him?" Her eyes flashed witli
a womanly luster, but again her lips
were tirin. "For if you do," I exclaim
ed, pulling aside the screen with a sin
gle swift movement, "he is here."
"Jonathan:"
Then as I left the room I looked back
and saw her kneeling at his side.
Brooklyn Standard Union.
LET US ALL LAUGH.
JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VA
RIOUS HUMORISTS.
Pleasant Incident Occurring the
World Over Sayings that Are Cheer
ful to Old or Young Funny Selec
tions that Yon Will Enjoy.
Fair Widow Yes, I've made up my
mind that when I die I shall be cre
mated, as my husband was.
Gallant Captain Dear lady, please
don't talk about such dreadful things
Consider how much better it would be.
In your case, to er cross out the c
Punch.
r--r Reasonable.
The Father Look here, my boy, you
told me you would need only $600 for
your college term, and now you want
$500 more.
The Son But this is for the things I
don't need. Life.
Hie First Celebration.
"This month I celebrate my twenty
fourth birthday."
"That's odd so do I."
"But I celebrate mine for the first
time." Heitere Welt.
KILLED HIS SISTER IN FUN.
Thespian Methinks we had better omit onr performance at Hayville to-night.
This paper says eggs are selling there at 5 cents a dozen and tomatoes are rotting
on the vines. Chicago Inter Ocean.
No Alternative.
'"That's a terrible noise in the nurs
ery, Mollie," said the mistress. "What
the matter? Can't you keep the baby
quiet?"
"Shure, ma'am," replied Mollie,
can't keep him quiet unless I let him
make a noise." St. Louis Globe-Demo
crat
TOLD OVER A WAR TROPHY.
WHAT A DINNER REPRESENTS.
Growth of the Different Viands In
volves an Outlay of $500,000,000.
Recently a inau who is fond of arith
metic made up his mind that he would
find out how much a dinner really cost.
He first ascertained that the dinner he
was eating cost 75 cents, presumably.
He contradicted this and then made
out the following statement about the
cost of that dinner.
The pepper, he said, came from 10,
000 miles away. It grew on a bush
eight feet high, which must have had
a growth of at least five years. The
pepper was picked green; it had to be
dried in the sun, and this meant em
ploying women. It took one ship and
1,000 miles of railroad to bring the pep
per to the United States.
The flour of which the bread was
made came from Dakota; some one
owned the land, and that meant the in
vesting of capital, and he had also to
pay wages to workingmen. The flour
Pnblic Interest Shown in Spanish Gnu
at Lincoln Park, Chicago.
The Spanish trophy gun, the Maria
Teresa, in Lincoln Park, Chicago, con
tinues to be an attraction to citizens
and strangers. The gun itself is merely
an ordinary modern engine of war,
such as are employed in warship arma
ment, but the association of the Maria
Teresa with the naval battle off Santi
ago in July, 181)8, and its mute story
of the prowess and skill of the Amer
ican navy gives the gun a sort of pres
tige which it otherwise Mould not have
And not only that, but it tells for itself
and for Spain that Spanish ordnance
is far from being mediaeval in pattern, i t did me a heap of good
tant-general In the volunteer service,
and he is now attached to the staff ol
Gen. Miles. He is a man of ability and
great unpretentiousness.
A few days before lie. donned his uni
form he went over to Fort McHenry,
Baltimore, on oflicial business. A Wax
Department clerk went along with him.
When the two men arrived at Fort Mc
Henry, the new captain pointed to a
long shell road that runs through th
post.
"Do you see that road?" asked the
captain. "Yes."
"Well, I made that whole road my
self. It was as tough a job as I ever
performed, and as bitter a period, bui
1 was serv-
A Horseless Carriage.
sueugtu or projectue-throwmg power.
In fact, this particular gun and its
mounting and equipment compares fa
j vorably with the latest improved heavy
; artillery of the nations.
But it is not so much the gun Itself
as the crowds that gather about it that
; interests the observer of men and
things, says the Chicago Chronicle. It
; is the variety of facial expressions
ing with an artillery regiment, part of
which was stationed here, and one
night when I was on guard the officer
of the day crept up on me unawares
and found me sitting down on a pile of
gunny sacks, neglecting my post. I got
a general court-martial for neglect of
duty of post, and was sentenced to six
mouths in the guardhouse. My sen
tence tickled the old provost sersreant
Kight.
School Teacher What little boy can
tell me where is the home of the swal
low?
Bobby I kin, please.
School Teacher Well, Bobby?
Bobby The home of the swallow is
the stummick. Tit-Bits.
Another on Chicago.
The Philadelphlan Isn't the mud on
this street a trifle deep?
Chicagoan (proudly) Deep? It Is the
deepest mud on any paved street in the
world! Indianapolis Press. ,
nature to enjoy whatever stirs his mar
tial spirit, and Maria Teresa exerts a
which the monster cannon causes that mightily, for he was in need of a steady
makes the study. It seems to be man's prisoner to build that road. I built it
! and crunched many a million oyster
i shells building it. I never find mvselr
had to be ground, and the building of I Poweirul influence in that direction and j feeling chesty and high-and-mighty.
ana all that sort of thing, that 1 dont
shut my eyes and think of this shell
Wash-
the mill and the plant, or machiuery
meant more money invested. The mill
ers had to be paid, coopers had to be
paid for making the barrels, and, of
course, the wood of which the barrels
were made had to be cut and sawed
and shaped, and this meant the em
ployment of more men. Then the flour
had to be shipped over the railroad and
handled again by cartmen before it
came into the hotfise.
The tea on the table came from China
and the coffee from South America. The
codfish had to be brought from Maine.
Men had to be employed to catch the
fish; other men and women were em
ployed in drying, packing and boxing
it, and it, too. had to make a long rail
road journey.
The salt came from the Indian reser
vation in the northwestern 'part of
New York State. The spices in the
cake came from the spice islands' in the
Indian archipelago. The canned peaches
came from California, and they, too,
represented the employment of capital
and labor. The little dinner represent
ed, directly or indirectly, the employ
ment of $500,000,000 of capital and 5,
000,000 men. Memphis Commercial-Appeal.
also in refreshing the memory of events
' of war that transpired long ago.
it is quite common to see two or j road over in Fort McHenry."
i uiree gray-uaireu men get into a con- j ington Star
versation about the big gun, when one
1 will recite an incident of the civil war
j in which heavy ordnance played a con
j spicuous part. Then another remem
i bers incidents of his soldier days, and
His Redeeming Quality.
Judge You were begging on the pub
lie streets and yet you had $20 In your
pocket.
Prisoner Yes, Jedge; I may not be
as industrious as some, y'r honor, but
I m no spendthrift. New York Weekly
Great Canals.
Probably the largest canal in the
world a distinction of some note in
these days of wonderful engineering
How an Indian Died.
A resident of Little Rock, who pass
ed through the territory of the Chicka
saw nation recently, tells through the
Washington Post of the execution of a
young Indian for violation of the laws
of his tribe. Among the Chickasaws
stealing Is punishable by death, and It
seems that this young buck bad been
thrice convicted of larceny. The chief
of the tribe, who alone could save him,
refused a pardon, and there was noth
ing to do but carry out the sentence.
The condemned man was placed In a
wagon and driven to a graveyard just
east of the little village where he had
been tried. He descended from the
wagon and with stoical demeanor walk
ed to where his grave had been freshly
dug, and surveyed it with apparent un
concern. Then he knelt and prayed
with a preacher who had known him
from boyhood. Arising, he walked
firmly to the head of his grave, where
he took his seat upon a large stone,
facing death with a courage that seem
ed sublime. After saying a few words.,
in which he advised all young men of
his race to take warning and lead honest
lives, he was blindfolded, and a second
later-the sharp report of a dozen Win
chesters rang out, and bis earthly ex
istence was ended.
None to Be Marriel.
Te.ss Were there any marrying men
down at the shore?
Jess Yes; It was awfully aggrava
ting.
Tess Aggravating?
Jess Yes; there were four ministers
and two Justices of the peace there.
Philadelphia Press.
Not Surprised.
"Yes," said the man with the bored
expression, "I'll admit the truth of ev
ery word you say about the weather
being oppressively hot. But I don't see
the use of making it a topic of con
versation."
"Why, It is such remarkable weather
that I couldn't help mentioning it."
"There Is a point on which I beg to
disagree with you. It is not remark
able weather. I have never in all my
life known an August when it was not
oppressively hot." Washington Star.
A Habit of His.
"Si," yelled the neighbor from the
road, "your wife has jist run off with
Bill Johnson."
"She liez, hez she?" answered the
farmer in the field; "wall, Bill allays
wuz a-borrerin' trouble. Git ap there!"
Indianapolis Press.
New Product for Hens.
XI 10,000 for a Single Pearl.
The largest price ever asked and paid
for a single pearl was 110,000, which
was the value of the great Tavernier
pearl. It was originally in the posses
sion of an Arabian merchant, and
Mons. Tavernier traveled from Paris
to Catifa with the express intention of
purchasing the pearl.
Although he went prepared to pay
any sum between 1,000 and 100,000,
he concluded that he would be able to
obtain it for about 25,000. His first
offer was 10,000, but after the deal
had remained open for a few days this
had risen to 75,000. Finally the trans
action was closed with 110,000, and
pearl experts state that It is a clear bar
gain at that price. It is the largest and
most perfect gem of its kind known,
and Its luster is said to be unrivaled. It
is exactly two inches in length and
oval-shaped.
New Cure for Lockjaw.
Dr. Roux, of the Pasteur Institute,
announces the discovery of an efficient
cure for lockjaw. The antitetanic serum
used In Germany would not work till
Dr. Roux hit on the plan of Injecting
it into the brain under the membranes.
His plan has been tried with complete
success on a man.
Odd Numbers.
The Siamese have a great horror of
odd numbers, and were never known to
put five, seven, nine or eleven windows
in a house or temple.
It Is a rare man who doesn't do fool
things every day.
then almost unconsciousiy they move
together slowly to a seat under a near
by tree and there fight their wars over
again, each recounting his experiences,
hair-breadth escapes and final return to
the pursuits of peace. It was this big
gun that revived their memories and
started the veterans to the shade of a
tree. That they were unacquainted be
fore this was no matter, for they were
bound by ties of comradeship, and the
first connection of the great cannon
with events of a third of a century ago
was enough. No formal Introduction
was needed, nor did it matter in the
least if one had worn the blue and the
other the gray. It was the comrade
ship which battlefields create and it
needed Only this lone trophy gun to
start its fires aglow.
Perhaps the most interesting visitors
of the big gun are children. It is no
ticed that they feel as though they
were in the presence of something
dreadful, and the four mortars hard
by, each weighing more than 17,000
pounds and capable of throwing a shell
of more than 1,000 pounds' weight, only
increases the awe of the youngsters.
Children nearly always talk In a low
voice while there and move about in
pairs or in groups. They seem to catch
the meaning-of the gun and mortars and
what they were made for. "This can
non Is about as awe-inspiring to. chil
dren as a graveyard," said- a bystander
as a little group walked around the
gun, their eyes wide open.
There is a class of people who visit
the mortars and the big gun and find
Just the kind of inspiration they want.
They are young men who are ambitious
to be soldiers and "face the cannon's
mouth." Their Imagination is whetted
until they can see themselves sweeping
across fields and charging over hills,
and the war machinery there arouses
all the martial spirit in them. They
amuse veterans of the battlefield, but
for all that "the big gun and the mon
ster mortars teach them a lesson that
is altogether wholesome," as an old
soldier of many campaigns put it
Then there are the peace-at-auy-price
visitor. The gun and the mortars to
him are fiends, fiends from the under
world incarnated in life-destroying
agencies agencies that destroy in an
ger. "That gun is a devil in steel, ami
its only business in the world is to deal
leath and destruction," said he to the
group he was with, and he worked him
self into a frenzy of anger over the aw
fulness of sentiments other than those
of peace and good-will toward men.
feats is the Chenab Irrigation Canal
in the Northwest provinces of India.
Its breadth is 200 feet, with a main
channel some 450 miles' long, while the
principal branches have an aggregate
length of 2,000 miles, and the village
branches will extend, when completed,
some 4.000 miles additional. But, apart
from irrigation, the longest canal In the
world is that which extends from the
frontier of China to St. Petersburg,
and is 4,472 miles in length. The Ben
gal Canal, connecting with the River
Ganges, is 900 miles long, and in all
India there are 14,000 miles of canals,
irrigating 8,000,000 of acres.
"Mrs. Wales and Daughters."
When in the country the Princess of
Wales delights in making little expe
ditions incognito. An amusing and
true story has just leaked out about one
of these impromptu excursions at Sand
ringham. Her royal highness, with the
two princesses, had driven a long dis
tance from home in her favorite pony
Summer Boarder What kind of
fowls are these?
Farmer -Landlord Plymouth Rocks.
Summer Boarder Oh, yes. They're
the kind that lays the corner-stones,
int they?
Had to Give Way.
"Have your summer vacation plans
matured yet, Billy?"
"Oh, yes; but they had to be side
tracked on account of some summer
cart, and as lunch drew near thev Sotes tuat also matured." Indianap-
giad to put up at a picturesque village olls Journal-
iuu. xue lanciiora uaa his suspicions
as to who his guests were, and after
I ja i - . .
iuiil-u uau ueen servea Drought the vis
Writing a Wrong.
"What's on hand?" asked the city
editor.
"I am now going," said the reporter,
who had been assigned to a murder
story, "to write a great wrong." Den
ver Times.
A Drop Too Much.
Hoax What made the elevator fall?
Joax The elevator man took a drop
too much. Philadelphia Record.
Fool for Luck.
Quizzell My wife's the luckiest
goose; found a dollar bill to-day and 10
cents last week.
Fizzell Humph! Mine finds some
thing every day.
Quizzell That so? What?
Fizzell Fault Detroit Free Press.
A General Term.
"Where did they go for their vaca
tion?" "To the mountains."
"What mountains?"
"Well, I think they are Just in the
rear of their Uncle Jim Stebbins' farm
house down in Southern lllinoy."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
To
Solid.
"Yes, I ate the cake she baked.
make myself solid, you know!"
"Did you succeed?"
"In a sense. I couldn't feel any sol
ider if I had eaten brickbats and ce
ment" Detroit Journal.
Prodigal's Choice.
"Well, dad," cried the prodigal son,
flippantly, "wouldn't you better go out
and kill the fatted calf now?"
"Yes, I guess I would," returned the
old man slowly. "One calf Is enough
to keep at a time." Harper's Bazar.
Why Willie Stays Home.
TRTTTTTjT"
Minister Ransom Was Absent-Minded
and Had to Be Aroused.
Former Minister to Mexico Ransom
is very absent-minded. After the Min
ister left the cloakroom of the House
one of the members said:
"Did you ever talk to the Minister
when Jris mind has been occupied with
business?" and, without wating for a
reply, the member continued: "I did.
I met him soon after his return from
Mexico, and after we shook bands ha
said:
" 'How is your sister, Frank?'
" 'She 'is well,' I said.
"The Minister's mind then returned
to some business for five minutes and
then he said:
" 'How is your sister, Frank?' and,
as before, I replied that she was well.
Five minutes later he raised his eyes
from some papers and remarked:
" 'Oh, Frank, how is your sister?' I
thought the conversation was becoming
rather monotouous, and to change it I
answered that she was very ill.
" 'Bless me! you don't say so! I am
sorry to hear it Frank.'
"He turned to his papers again for
another five minutes, and hang me if
he didn't turn around and say:
" 'Frank, how is your sister?' At
first I thought he was guying me, but,
looking at him sharply, I realized that
he had forgotten the conversation, and
I answered sadly, 'She is dead.'
" 'Why man, you don't mean it!' he
exclaimed, jumping from his seat, and
extending his hand in a most sympa
thetic manner, adding: 'That Is dread
ful. When did it happen? Tell me all
about it.'
" 'Why,' I replied, T killed her just
now. When I came in your office I told
you she was well twice; then I told you
she was very ill and that didn't im
press you. So, for your benefit, I have
just killed her.'
"The old man looked at me for a mo
ment and then replied:
" 'You must pardon me, Frank. I
was thinking about these papers."
HIPPOPOTAMI DISAPPEARING.
Has Been
Mother Why don't you go out, Wil
lie, and play with Sammy Jones?
Willie I played with Sammy Jones
yesterday, and I don't s'pose he's well
enough yet to get out Inter Ocean.
Good Alarm Clock.
Employer I congratulate you on that
new baby of yours, Higgins.
Higgins Thank you, sir.
Employer And I have no doubt that
hereafter you will be waked up early
enough mornings to get to the office
every day on time. Somerville Journal.
Another Woman Joke.
"Our women's base-ball club went to
pieces."
"Game too exhausting?"
"No, but we couldn't find a lady
pire who would give a decision
sticks to it." Detroit Free Press.
um-and
Too True.
"Youngling is going to marry the
widow Henpeck."
"Why, she's twice as old as he is."
"Oh, well, he'll age fast enough after
the wedding." Brooklyn Life.
t
Knew Her Hab't.
"That typewriter girl isn't in love
with anybody around this office."
"How do you know?"
"Why, when she gets too warm she
takes her collar off." Indianapolis
Journal.
itors' book.
entry:
ters."
An Easy One.
Great Actor I propose making a fare
well tour of the nrovlnces. What nlov
Whereupon the pringess, would you advise?
Critic "Much Adieu About Nothing."
not to be outdone, made the following
pntvv " f t-u 1 . ... .1 i
Mrs. Wales and two daugh- ' Detroit Journal.
Enthusiastic Photographer.
Fair One's Father Why did
you
A Curious Bird.
The kiwi hails from New Zealand, bring that kodak with you?
and is a rare bird. It is perfectly wing- Poor Lover That I might catch your
less, and not a sign of hair or feathers expression of astonishment when I ask-
protects the eyes. This gives the kiwi ed you for your daughter's hand. Flie-
a comical look. It is almost wholly geude Blaetter.
nocturnal in its habits. Like the owl '
of the north the setting of the sun
means the beginning of life to them.
Then they hop about like rabbits. They
are really the clowns of the fowl world.
Moving Stairways.
Two types of moving stairways for
the Manhattan Elevated stations in
New York City are to be put on trial
shortly. One is a ramp consisting of
an endless rubber band running over
drums. In the other type regular steps
will take tiie place of the nearly
smooth incline, so that a passenger al
ways stands on a level surface.
Can't Suit 'Km.
"When he hustles they say It's all
for effect." '
"Yes."
"And when he quiets down they say
he's posing." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Different. -
"Dawdler plays golf so well he ought
to be a professional."
"Yes, 1 suggested It to him, but he
says nothing would Induce him to work
so hard in hot weather."
Useful.
Fair painter I hope you don't mind
my sketching In your field?
Farmer Lord, no, missie! You keep
the birds off the peas better'n a' ordin
ary scarecrow. Tit-Bits.
Good of Its Kind,
"What sort of a table do they set at
your house?" asked the prospective
boarder.
"Table of waits and measures," said
Asbury Peppers in reply. "The first
long and the latter short." London
Tid-Blts.
Orderine by the Card.
Diner (to restaurant waiter) What
have you got for dinner?
Waiter Roast beeffricassedchicken
stewedlambhasbbakedandfrled pota
toes college puddingmilkteaandcoffee.
Dinner Give me the third, fourth,
fifth, sixth, eighteenth and nineteenth
syllables Tit-Bits.
Not a Curve lor 211 Miles,
The longest stretch of railway with
out a curve is 211 miles, from Buenos
Ayres- to the foot of the Andes, on the
new Argentine Pacific Railway.
ITgly Little Thing.
Friend Everybody says the baby
looks like you, doesn't that please you?
Mr. Newpop Oh, I don't know; but I
tell you what, I'm glad nobody thinks
of saying 1 look like the baby. Stand
ard and Times.
A One-Man Road.
A Washington man who put in ten
ears of soldiering in the regular army
f the United States was recently ap-!
T.ted a captain and assistant adju-
If a woman wants to work the trem
uio stops on her husband, she should
put on her prettiest dress when she
does It Nothing spoils the effect of
tears quicker than a soiled wrappper.
Not Headquarters. 'Mi
"What did her father say?"
"He said he couldn't understand why
I came to him all his property was in
bis wife's name." Cleveland Plain
Dealer. wv
Picking Pockets with Toes.
The Gauchos, or dwellers in the ex
tensive plains of Buenos Ayres, are
marvelously dexterous with both hand.
and feet. Many of them have acquired
through long practice such skill in
using their toes as- if they were fingers
that they can fling the lasso and even
pick pockets with them. Some time
ago a Frenchman who was fishing In
one of the rivers of Buenos Ayres was
warned to be on his guard against the
light-fingered natives. He forthwith
kept a vigilant watch on his compan
ions, but nevertheless one day when his
attention was closely riveted on his
float a wily Gaucho drew near and deli
cately inserting his foot, extracted the
Frenchman's hooks and other valua
bles from his pocket Boston Tran
script ' '
Larger the Better.
The wrasses, thick-lipped fish found
near rocky shores, differ from most
other fish in that the larger they are
the better they are adapted for food
They grow to 50 pounds.
The Last One in Natal
Slaughtered.
The last hippopotamus has been
slaughtered in Natal. All the larger
and more curious creatures are disap
pearing so fast that this will be a mo
notonous world, at any rate for natur
alists, in another century. Not so long
ago the hippopotamus haunted the
rivers of Cape Colony and Natal, and
"lake cow bacon," as the salted layer
of meat underlying the hide is called.
was a favorite dish, but now this huge
creature has disappeared from both
countries. The hunter has been its en
emy for many a century, but the rifle
is a far more deadly weapon than the
assegai.
The animal had an appetite propor
tional to its bulk and can accommodate
a great deal of vegetable produce. Be
sides this, it is a wasteful feeder,
tramping down and tearing up much
more than it consumes, and it prefers
cultivated plants to wild vegetation.
lhat has proved its doom in Natal.
One herd was left at Seacow lake, a
coast lagoon near Durban, and was
protected by the government. It con
sisted of parents and a family of five.
Unfortunately these, like young people
all the world over, loved "sweeties,"
and made nocturnal raids on the neigh
boring sugar cane plantations. The
owners petitioned the government, a
warrant of execution was granted and
the parental bull, who must have been
nearly 50 years old, was the last to fall,
and will henceforth be only an "ex
hibit" at the Durban museum.
So the strange creatures of the earth
disappear before the white man, the
great destroyer. The hippopotamus,
the elephant, and the giraffe, to speak
only of Africa, with many kinds of
antelope, are rapidly diminishing in
numbers. London Standard.
Bad Spelling.
To spell badly Is no longer consid
ered particularly illiterate that is to
say, it does not betoken a want of ed
ucation. An eminent lawyer, who is
considered one of the most "brainy"
men of his time, said recently that un
til he was married he had always spell
ed husband with an i after the u, and
a noted physician when taking his ex
aminations at the medical college
tripped up on "medicine." Another
funny case was that of a young man
who, having been graduated with the
highest honors from his university, sent
out cards, which he had written per
sonally, saying that he had formed a
"bulslness" partnership with Mr, So-and-So.
The fact of the matter is that
spelling Is so neglected in the curri
culum of schools and colleges nowa
days that it is a hit-or-miss kind of ac
complishment Those who have ac
curacy and "ear" remember the vari
ous combinations, and others fail utter
ly to retain the impression made while
reading or studying, the provision made
in modern boys' schools and colleges to
train the sense of sound and its expres
sion being of little account.
Dream of a Volunteer.
When I come home from the Philippines
I want no speeches made,
No jeweled sword nor loving cap,
No banquet nor parade;
But just a table set for two,
A good, old-fashioned feast.
With flaky shortcake, light and white-
Two dozen at the least.
When I come home from the Philippines
1 want some peach preserves;
A nutmeg-sprinkled custard pie
Would soothe my shattered nerves:
And don't forget the apple sauce.
Nor hot molasses cake,
With lots of ginger in it, too,
Like mother used to make.
When I come home from the Philippine
I want a home-made meal;
The kind that leaves no after taste
Of 'smoke and fire and steel.
So have it ready, with my chair
Just where it used to be,
And I'll hang up my army hat '
And sit right down to tea.
-Leslie's Weekly.
The Roman Monta da Pieta.
The most lenient pawnbroker's shop
In the world is said to be the Monta da
Pieta, at Rome, which has existed ever
since 1585. It loans from $3 to $5 upon
good security without demanding in
terest; but 2 per cent per annum la
charged upon all greater sums.
The wreckless sea captain
is tilt
moat popular with sailors.