PACIFIC COAST NEWS
Commercial and Financial Happening
of Interest In the Growing
Western Statei.
Coal for Market.
In the country surrounding Stella,
Cowlitz county, Wash., it has been
known for a number of years that crop
pings of coal have been discovered, and
some prospecting and development
work have been done. The coal assay
ed well, and it was comparatively easy
of access, bat for some reason it was
fonnd difficult to interest capital suffi
cient to mine and ship the coal on a
large enough scale to make it profita
ble, and the man who owned the must
valuable properties in that locality had
not the means to do so himself. About
six months ago the following capital
ists of The Dalles became interested in
the property: Hon. Malcolm A.
Moody, J. M. French, J. B. Mclnerny
and J. Nicholas. They employed a
practical mining engineer who had had
experience in this character of work,
and had a thorough inspection of the
properties made. The result was that
they formed a company giving the
awner of the land a half interest in
paid-up, non-assessable stock, while
they agreed to furnish all the money
necessary. They purchased machineiy
af the latest design in the East, and
most of it has arrived and been set up.
It is the expectation of the company
to have coal from its mine on the
market within 60 days of a quality
equal to any that is now used in the
Northwest, and at a price very much
below that at which it is now sold.
In carrying out their present plans
they will build a railroad from Stella,
four miles np Cold creek to where the
mine is located.
The Big Buffalo Sold.
One of the most important mining
deals ever made in the Northwest,
whereby the former Big Buffalo mine
at Buffalo Hump becomes the property
of Charles Sweeney, the Spokane capi
talist, has been consumated at Grange
ville, Idaho. The sale embraces the
Bert Rigley, Young and Bobbins inter
ests, representing one-half of the mine,
for $125,000 cash. Sweeney had pre
viously secured the other interests for
which he paid about $75,000. The
deal on the property has been pending
manv months.
Mew Blue River Ledge.
The newly discovered quartz pros
pects on the Blue river, Or., reported
about two weeks ago, are attracting a
great deal of attention. Miners and
prospectors are heading that way from
all directions, and already a lively
mining camp is there. The discovery
is in the vicintiy of Blue river falls,
several miles northwest of the old Blue
river mining camp. It is easily acces
sible by a horse trail from the main
road up the McKinzie, and no difficul
ty is experienced by miners taking in
supplies.
To Plant Tomatoes.
The Davidson Fruit Company, at
Hood River, Or., has furnished about
75,000 tomato plants to farmers who
are going into the business of growing
tomatoes for the cannery. P. F. Brad
ford has the supervision of the growing
of the plants, and has visited the farm
ers and given instructions about setting
the plants. The plants are furnished
free and the farmers have engaged to
plant about 30 acres for the fruit com
pany. Next season if 100 acres of peas
can be secured, the company will put
in machinery to hull and can green
peas.
Mohair Fool Sold.
A pool comprising 2,931 fleeces of
mohair has been sold at Corvallis, Or.
The purchasers were F. L. Miller and
S. L. Kline, merchants of that place,
and the price paid was 28 cents per
pound. The total weight of the lot
would be about 10,000. The pool is
the second of the kind sold there this
season. A former lot of almost the
same number of fleeces sold recently at
28 Jb cents per pound.
Northwest Motes.
Fred . Wilmartb has purchased an
interest in the Burns, Or. News.
A new saw mill will soon begin
operations at Alba, Umatilla county.
The material for the Fossil, Or.,
waterworks, weighing 100 tons, will be
hanled from Arlington by team.
The new bridge crossing the Coquill
river at Myitle Point has been com
pleted and opened to traffic. It is the
best bridge in Coos county.
The Sugar Leaf Creamery, Coos
county, has resumed operations. It
will handle 10,000 to 15,000 pounds of
milk daily as soon as the roads are
good, and will make cheese principally.
George Snodderly, a pioneer of Grant
county, Or., died at Long Creek. He
was 69 years of age, and went to the
Canyon creek mines in 1860. The
body was taken to Susan ville for
burial.
Field Superintendent Larson, of the
La Grande beet sugar factory, reports
that there is a total of 700 acres of
beets planted and the ground is pre
pared for seeding 800 acres more.
J. F. Birney, of Everett, Wash., has
gone to Snohomish to survey a logging
camp for Campbell Bros., on Batt's
slough, where 700 acres of timber will
be handled.
At a Port Townsend custom house
sale of seized goods, consisting of silks,
eigars and opium, the principal bidders
were Chinese, and the opium brought
$10.50 a pound, the regular market
price.
Over 500,000 shingles were floating
in the bay and strewn along the beach
at Port Townsend as a result of the
capsizing of the scow towed from Dun
geness with 1,000,000 shingles on
board. Many have been recovered, but
the loss will be heavy.
A cattle buyer was on the Lower Co
quille river the past week buying and
contracting for calves and young stock
for parties in Fresno county, Califor
nia. He made contracts for some 600
head of calves at $8 per head, to be de
livered the first of September.
The Republic company has 52 teams,
many of them six horses, on the road
freighting from Repnblic to Columbia,
B. C. A six horse outfit hauls 8,000
pounds, and makes the round trip in
five days.
SITUATION IS FAVORABLE.
There Are Bad Features, But thty Are
in the Minority.
Bradstreet's says: Evidences of the
fact that there are now two sides of the
general trade situation, where for a
year past there was but one, come to
Bight this week. Different sections of
the country and lines of business return
different reports, but that the situa
tion as a whole is a favorable one and
suffers merely by commisseration with
the enormous and almost fevrish ac
tivity of some time ago, is also evident.
Excluding the great speculative cen
ters, the aggregate of business is un
doubtedly larger than a year ago, and
the business done in several industries
reporting reduced activity would seem
very large even to those bearishly in
clined had it not been for the enormous
aggregate done some short time ago.
Crop prospects, except in the wheat
area of the Central West, and in some
Hooded sections of the South, remain
all that might be wished for. Retail
demand is improving and nothing of a
definitely depressing character has yet
developed.
In the abrupt readjustment of steel
and wire prices, the iron and steel in
dustries received a notable shock, but
have stood the ordeal very well.
In agricultural products the situa
tion is generally one of sustained
strength. Some slight shading in
wheat prices is largely the result of
flattering winter wheat crop pros
pects in the sections west of the
Mississippi.
Wheat, including flour shipments,
for the week aggiegate 3,583,683 bush
els, against 3,898,451 last week.
Failures for the week in the United
States are well down to the minimum,
numbering only 182, an increase of 21
over last week.
Canadian failures for the week num
ber 18, as compared with 19 last week.
PACIFIC COAST TRADE.
Seattle Markets.
Onions, $9.
Lettuce, hothouse, 40 45c doz.
Potatoes, $1617; $1718.
Beets, per sack, 50 60c.
Turnips, per sack, 40 60c.
Carrots, per sack, 75 85c.
Parsnips, per sack, 50 75c.
Cauliflower, California 85 90c.
Cabbage, native and California,
$1. 00 1.25 per 100 pounds.
Apples, $2.002.75; $3.003.50.
Prunes, 60c per box.
Butter Creamery, 22c; Eastern 22c;
dairy, 1722c; ranch, 1517c pound.
Eggs 1516c.
Cheese 14 15c.
Poultry 14c; dressed. 1415c;
spring, $5.
Hay Puget Sound timothy, $11.00
12.00; choice Eastern Washington
timothy, $18.00 19.00
Corn Whole, $23.00; cracked, $23;
feed meal, $23.
Barley Rolled or ground, per ton,
$20.
Flour Patent, per barrel, $3.25;
blended straights, $3.00; California,
$3.25; buckwheat flour, $6.00; gra
ham, per barrel, $3.00; whole wheat
flour, $8.00; rye flour, $3.804.00.
Millstuffs Bran, per ton, $13.00;
shorts, per ton, $14.00.
Feed Chopped feed, $19.00 per ton;
middlings, per ton, $20; oil cake meal,
per ton, $30.00.
Fresh Meats Choice dressed beef
9teers, price 8c; cows, 7c; mutton 8c;
pork, 8c; trimmed, 9c; veal, 8
10c.
Hams Large, 13c; small, 13 Ji;
breakfast bacon, 12jsc; dry salt sides,
8c.
Portland Market.
Wheat Walla Walla. 52 53c;
Valley, 63c; Bluestem, 56c per bushel.
Flour Best grades, $3.00; graham,
$2.50; superfine, $2.10 per barrel.
Oats Choice white, 35c; choice
gray, 34c per bushel.
Barley Feed barley, $14 14.50;
brewing, $17. 00 17. 50 per ton.
Millstuffs Bran, $13 per ton; mid
dlings, $19; shorts, $15; chop, $14 per
ton.
Hay Timothy, $9 10; clover, $7
7.50; Oregon wild hay, $6 7 per ton.
Butter Fancy creamery, 35 40c;
seconds, 45c; dairy, 25 30c;
tore, 20 25c.
Eggs 14c per dozen.
Cheese Oregon full cream, 13c;
Young America, 14c; new cheese 10c
per pound.
Poultry Chickens, mixed, $3.60
4.50 per dozen; hens, $5.00; springs,
$2.503.50; geese, $6.508.00 forold;
$4. 50 6. 50; ducks, $5. 50 6. 00 per
dozen; turkeys, live, 10 11c per
pound.
Potatoes 40 70c per sack; sweets,
32c per pound.
Vegetables Beets, $1; turnips, 75c;
per sack; garlic, 7c per pound; cab
bage. 1 2 c per pound; parsnips, 75;
onions, $2.60 8.00; carrots, 50c.
Hops 8 8c per pound
Wool Valley, 12 13c per pound;
Eastern Oregon, 10 15c; mohair, 27
30c per pound.
Mutton Gross, best sheep, wethers
and ewes, 3c; dressed mutton, 7
7 )2c per pound; lambs, $2.50 each.
Hogs Gross, choice heavy, $5.00;
light and feeders, $4.50; dressed,
$5.006.50 per 100 pounds.
Beef Gross, top steers, $4.004.50;
cows, $3.50 4.00; dressed beef, 6)4
lo per pound.
Veal Large, 67c; small, 8
8c per pound.
Tallow 55c; No. 2 and grease,
3 s 4c per pound.
San Francisco Market.
WTool Spring Nevada, 14 16c per
pound; Eastern Oregon, 12 16c; Val
ley, 20 22c; Northern, 10 12c.
Hope 1899 crop, 11 13c per
pound.
Butter Fancy creamery 18c;
do seconds, 1717c; fancy dairy,
17c; do seconds, 15 16c per pound.
Eggs Store, 15c; fancy ranch,
17c.
Millstuffs Middlings, $17.00
20.00; bran, $12.50 13.50.
Hay Wheat $6.509.50; wheat and
oat $6.00 9.00; best barley $5.00
7.00; alfalfa, $5.006.50 per ton;
straw, 25 40c per bale.
Potatoes Early Rose, 60 65c; Ore
gon Burbanks, 70c $1.00; river Bur
banks, 40 75c; Salinas Burbanks,
80c 1.10 per sack.
Citrus Fruit Oranges, Valencia,
$2.763.25; Mexican limes, $4.00
5.00; California lemons 75c$1.60;
do choice $1.752.00 per box.
Tropical Fruits Bananas, $1.60
2.50 per bunch; pineapples, nom
MARVEL AMONG MEN.
PASSES 600,000 VOLTS OF ELEC
TRICITY THROUGH HIS BODY.
Before a Gathering of Medical Men a
St. Louis Doctor Proves that High
Voltage Currents Are Not Necessa
rily Death Dealing.
Dr. Heber Roberts, of St Louis, be
fore a gathering of medical men in that
city recently, proved that 600,000 volts
of electricity could be passed through
the human body without injury to it.
and that the popular belief that high
voltage currents were death dealing
is a fallacy. According to Dr. Roberts,
the injurious possibilities of a current
depends upon its amperage, and the
voltage when properly handled is with
out the power to kill or even injure
any one. The experimenter attracted
much Interest among professional men
DR. ROBERTS RECEIVES 600,000 VOLTS OF ELECTRICITY.
in that city and will no doubt create
widespread Interest throughout the
country among students of electrical
therapeutics. In the course of these
experiments Dr. Roberts sent a cur
rent through his body and thence to a
Crooks tube. In this he created an
X-ray by means of which a photograph
of a hand was taken, showing perfect
ly its skeleton. The X-ray was of rare
brilliancy and penetrating power. But
even were this not true the feat would
be remarkable in that he Is the first
man to ever make himself the con
ductor of a current of electricity of
great power enough to create an X-ray.
The secret of Dr. Roberts' success in
his experiments is that he employed
what is known to be a static current
through his body. The static-current
has no volume, but great power. It is
not the potential energy that kills, but
the volume. This may be illustrated
by an analogy. A needle might be
passed through the body with great
rapidity and power, but It would not
be as harmful as a thousand needles
passed through slowly and with little
power. In other words, the power, the
voltage, has nothing whatever to do
with the physiological effect. It is the
number of needles, the amperage. Still
the experiment is not without danger. It
requires a nice adjusment of machin
ery to produce the proper kind of cur
rent. It requires a thorough knowledge
of certain conditions to apply the cur
rent perfectly. It requires a familiar
ity with electric currents to prevent
shock. To Dr. Rolerts It had little or
no danger. "The idea of passing an
X-ray current through my body was
conceived," Dr. Roberts explained,
"while I was making experiments in
electrical therapeutics. I became con
vinced that it could be done if the cur
rent were produced by a static ma
chine, and I immediately proceeded to
do it. Static currents have no volume
and therefore do not kill. The only
effect they can produce is that of a
slight burning. I was used to this sen
sation from handling the machine in
my practice, and consequently the pow
erful X-ray stream did not give me the
slightest pain.
"In the static current the medical
profession has exactly what it needs
to balance. The static current Is elec
tricity restrained in a condition of high
tension. It is sometimes called Frank
linic because Franklin demonstrated its
identity with terrestrial electricity. It
Is electrical pressure without volume.
It Is almost free from amperage and
consists almost wholly of voltage. Poet
ically, it is the great invisible messen
ger for light, heat and electricity from
the tangible storehouse of nature. The
generating of the static current is sim
ple. An initial charge of electricity
must be imparted to the armature or
receiving part of the machine. The
plates are set in motion with artificial
power. About the revolving plates a
certain multiplication of the certain
electricities takes place by the influence
of one charged body upon another, with
the resulting output of static currents
depending upon speed, number of and
diameter of plates and atmospheric
conditions. This machine, which Is not
more than five feet long, six feet high
and three feet wide, is capable of gen
erating 10,000,000 volts of electricity.
Anybody could do the same thing un
der the same conditions. This machine
while throwing off a prodigious amount
of energy, is much like a serpent whose
fangs have been removed. The major
portion of its destructive force is sub
dued because its amperage is small,
owing to its peculiar construction. Of
course, it would be dangerous for a
novice to attempt to perform this ex
periment He would probably be pain
fully Injured and worse consequences
might ensue. The experimenter must
have perfect knowledge and control of
the machine. He must also have ac
customed himself to electric currents,
for there would be great shock to one
unused to it upon getting into the cir
cuit of an X-ray stream. These two
conditions complied with. I see no rea
son why anybody should not perform
this feat"
There were other interesting experi
ments performed by Dr. Roberts along
"he same line. In one of these he
placed a patient on a table set on legs
from the electrodes on the front of the
machine was a copper bar, four feet
long. One end of it rested on the wood
en floor of the table upon which the
patient sits. The patient then placed
his foot upon the end of the bar and
held it there, making the connection for
the current. It was not necessary for
him to remove his shoes or any part of
his clothing. When the current was
turned into him the only sensation he
had consisted in the hair becoming
erect and rigid. This was caused by
the exit of the current which, passing
through the cells of the hair and filling
them, stiffens them until they .looked
like tiny bars of iron. In the case of
a woman her hair would have stood
straight out after this fashion, even
though it be four feet In length. "I
made a photograph the other day of a
woman whose hair is twenty inches
long while she was sitting in this cur
rent," said Dr. Roberts. "If the hair Is
wet while the patient is In the pool, and
the room is darkened, it will glow with
a brilliant blue flame. The other day
I placed a man on the table and turned
the current into him. He bad previous
ly stripped to the waist, and wet the
hair upon his face, head and chest.
When the current began its passage
through him he became ghostly in ap
pearance. His beard, head and chest
were wreathed in blue flame. Yet he
did not feel the slightest disagreeable
sensation. Another peculiar feature
about this static current Is that when
ever it finds a point for exit it becomes
a blue flame, one-half inch in length.
It has heat yet It does not burn the
person from whom it passes." The
discovery of Dr. Roberts should be
very valuable in the application of elec.
tricity to therapeutics.
Frog Showers In Arizona.
Every once in a while stories are
brought out about extraordinary show
ers of fish, of bloody snow, etc., the
latest being of a ship captain far out
on the Atlantic who ran into a dust
shower so heavy he had to set bis crew
shoveling the dust from the decks
when the weight began to get dan
gerous. To this be there added a tale:
"It rains frogs in Arizona. The old
timers believe there Is no doubt of it
though they can not explain from
whence the frogs were originally 'lift
ed.' But this much is straight let there
be a summer rain along the line of the
Southern Pacific In southwestern Ari
zona, and behold, the next morning
every little pool has a myriad of little
lean green frogs, with marvelous
croaking powers. They don't wait for
nightfall like their more civilized
brethren elsewhere, but keep up the
music by day as by night They live
where water comes only about once a
year.
"They can't live over the interim un
der the sun-baked rocks; they assur
edly haven't hopped from the Colorado
River, and they are all of a size, to
boot. If they didn't come from the
ground or from the river, they must
have come from the skies. And that's
what the Hassayampers firmly be
lieve." Arizona Graphic.
Herb Parma.
There are several kinds of farms,
profitable ones, too, of which little
mention is made to the public. Many
herbs are grown on farms devoted to
them, and they are a product not over
done by growers. In New York are
acres devoted to the growth of pepper
mint In Illinois are farms where the
castor bean Is raised for the castor oil
that it contains. Many farms which
have lost their productiveness could be
made to grow sage, catnip, thorough
wort and the other vegetable necessi
ties of the pharmacopoeia. The business
Is one of the few that are not ruined by
competition. Rose farms are to be
found In different sections of the coun
try, and there is a sweetness in this
method of earning a livelihood, al
though that is not all there Is In it by
a good deal. In California some rose
farms are carried on to raise roses for
rose Jelly.
Both Vegetarian and Cyclist
Count Tolstoi is an enthusiastic cy
clist. He declares that he has to thank
his bicycle and his vegetarian diet for
the robust health which he has so long
enjoyed. Twenty years ago his phy
sician advised Tolstoi to avoid too
mnch muscular exercise, but the pa
tient was obstinate, and did exactly the
contrary; in fact he has ever been a
lover of sports of different kinds.
Just as Eff ctive.
"There is nothing like being in love
to make a man gentle and thoughtful
In all his actions."
"No except a touch of rheumatism
between the shoulder blades." Har
per's Bazar.
He Believe. J It.
They say there is arsenic in playing
cards."
"Well, I thought I'd been holding
some mighty pizon' hands lately."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Every railroad man's wife joshes her
husband a good deal about some wom
an where he gets his meals at the other
The Old Cane Pole.
Oh, the old cane pole how my heart beat
high
When I used to swing it in the days gone
by
Where the bending rushes and the long
lake grass
Furnished hiding places for the hungry
bass!
When a great big bunker that was tempt
ing fate
Telegraphed a message that he had the
bait
'Twas a sweet sensation that'd stir the
80Ul
Spattin' in the rushes with an old cane
pole.
My whole anatomy with laughter thrills
To see a rod and reel and the other frills
The hifalutin' artist brings into play
To snake out bass in a scientific way.
He'll look around with a pitying smile
At the fellow fishing in the good old style,
But in every case I will bet my roll
That he won't be in it with the old cant
pole.
Oh, the old cane pole there's nothing so
fine
As to feel a bass tug on a good stout
line.
For if you've got your nerve and you
work It right
You are sure to land him in a good square
fight;
And when you're going home you won't
have to guess
Where your fish are coming from you'U
have a mess.
So let the fancy fishermen cast and troll.
But I will spat the rushes with an old
cane pole.
Chicago Record.
The Man with the Kodak.
O what a great diff'rence in history,
What a rich absolution from mystery.
We moderns would know
Of events long ago,
If only a man with a kodak had been
At the following events, just to snap,
shot the scene:
When the Red sea was divided,
When the bald-headed man derided
Called ont bears to eat the children
When the brazen serpent healed them,
When the Gorgon's head congealed them.
When Horatio held the crossing;
When St. Patrick drove the snakes out
(There are many just such fakes out),
When young Jeanne d'Arc led the army;
When old Barb'ra Frietchie dared them
Shoot her gray hairs, and they spared
them
When King Arthur's knight's sat ring
style; When Columbus struck our borders
Bearing Isabella's orders,
When the Pilgrim Fathers landed
O if some good man with a kodak had
been
On hand with his dinky to picture the
scene,
0 what a very great diff'rence in historyl
What a full absolution from mystery!
Great Schemes.
I'm going to write great poems some day,
Exactly when I will not say.
Just now some things are in the way;
I'll begin well, a week from Tuesday.
There are pictures, too, I mean to paint;
My plans, as yet, are a little faint.
But my notions are really new and quaint.
As you'll see a week from Wednesday
A drama great I have in mind,
As goon as I a plot can find.
Striking, original, refined,
Perhaps a week from Thursday.
1 hope to form a stock concern.
Enormous dividends I'll earn.
Till coupon bonds I have "to burn,'
About a year from Friday.
Or, no I'll just invent a toy.
Some simple gimcrack to give joy
To each enraptured girl or boy
I'll work on that next Saturday.
I can't decide which scheme to choose,
Each idea seems too good to lose; .
Meanwhile I'll take my Sunday snooze-"
To-morrow's only Monday.
Woman's Home Companion.
Soldier on Stilts.
Improbable as It may seem, says the
Paris Messenger, the French army has
lately been making experiments with
the view of testing the value of stilt
walking. The result appears to be
such as to render their adoption by the
French army for special purposes high
ly probable. They are found to be ser
viceable not only In placing telegraph
wires in very rough country, but also
as a means of quickly ascertaining
where a river can be safely forded by
troops. The stilt man, by the aid of
his lengthened legs, can measure the
depth of the water with great ease
and precision. He can feel about for
the shallow places and thus lead the
way.
What a Kopje Is.
No one who has not seen an African
kopje can easily realize it It Is not a
hill so much as the stump of a hill
what is left of it after ages of denuda
tion, but the special feature of it is
that it is almost invariably covered
with a breastwork of bowlders. Trop
ical torrents have washed away the
earth and all the soluble components
of the rock and what is left consists of
heaps and lines of detached masses of
sandstone, ironstone or granite. The
kopjes are the Boers' fortifications
and he has any number of them.
He Had to Good Reason.
"I've nothing to give you. my poor
man, except a piece of pie."
"That'll do, ma'am. I kin eat a pie,
Thanky."
"Have you any occupation?"
"Yes'm. I'm a snow shoveler."
"You didn't expect to get any oppor
tunity to shovel snow in this part of
the country, did you?"
"Nome. That's why I come down
here. There was too blamed much of It
up in Michigan." Chicago Tribune.
Metric System Adopted In Russia.
By a decree of the Czar, the metric
system of weights and measures has
been adopted for use throughout the
Russian Empire, and a commission has
also been organized to consider the re
form of the Russian calendar so as to
harmonize with that prevailing In the
other civilized countries.
Khaki Note Paper.
Khaki letter paper is the latest and
being linen it might be made out of the
very material made into uniforms,
from its appearance. This may not
mean that it is altogether beautiful.
Small Discount.
The Bank of France last year dis
counted in Paris 2,101,830 separate
bills for less than 100 francs each.
When yon have anything to say to f
HUM0B OF THE WEEK
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd, Carious and Laughable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Our Own Day A Budget of Fun.
First Artist Did Mobley make you
any offer for your last picture?
Second Artist Yes; he said he'd give
me a new canvas for the one I had
spoiled.
The Emblem.
"Horseshoeing has gone up in price."
"Well, can't you let the blacksmith
take a whack at good luck once In a
while?"
Increasing Anxiety.
"This don't-worry button Is a fraud."
"In what respect?"
"Why, every fellow that sees It wor
ries me hy wanting me to give it to
him,
Her Own Fault
Wife It really is too bad of you to
keep me up like this!
Hubby Not my fault, m' dear (hlc).
You know where the bed Ish! The
Cigarette.
A Matter of Contrast.
"Whew! This office is freezing cold."
"I can tell you how to make it feel
warm."
"How?"
"Go outdoors and then come in."
A Master Stroke.
Clarissa Clarence, you had better
write your offer for my hand to pa on
your typewriter.
Clarence Why, dear, that would be
bad form.
Clarissa Yes, Clarence, but it would
make pa think you were full of busi
ness. The Savage Bachelor.
"If you had been at the Browns' gold
en wedding celebration last night" said
the sweet young thing, "you would
have altered your views on matri
mony." "I wouldn't either," said the savage
bachelor. "If matrimony were not a
fake there wouldn't be such a pow-wow
raised over a couple that had managed
to endure each other for a few years,
and don't you forget It"
One of the Lost Arts.
Father That man should be an ex
ample to you, my son. He entered a
store as office boy and worked himself
up until in a few years he owned the
business.
Son He could never do that In these
days, pa, when they have cash regis
ters. A Crying- Shame.
Uncle It's disgraceful, Karl, that
you have so many debts!
Nephew Isn't it when I have such
a rich uncle?
Why She Frowned.
She Do you know, General, I'm told
look five years younger when I'm on
horseback?
The General (gallantly) In my opin
ion you look twenty years younger!
The Cigarette.
Strategy.
"What Is in that box yon are so care
ful about, if I may ask?" Inquired the
man who bad secured the lower berth
In the sleeper.
"That's a collection of rare snakes I
am taking to a museum. They are too
valuable to be trusted out of my sight,"
replied the man. who was preparing to
climb to the upper shelf.
"Say, I'll trade berths with you."
"All right. I'm not particular where
I sleep." Chicago Tribune.
New York and Chicago.
"Some day," we ventured to predict
"a man will be able to go to sleep in
Chicago and wake up in New York."
"Do you really suppose Chicago will
ever get to be so quiet as that?" fal
tered the Chicago man, in evident con
cern. Detroit Journal.
The Part He tikes Beat
"Don't you admire Miss Bangs' finish
as a pianist?"
"Oh, yes; so much that I always try
to come into the room just as she fin
ishes." Philadelphia Bulletin.
A Worked-Ont Mine.
"I am the gas meter Inspector," an
nounced the caller.
"Come in," replied the man of the
house, "but I don't think you'll find
much left The plumber has just left
and we were visited by burglars dur
ing the night." Philadelphia North
Easy to Oness Her Choice.
Ostend Do I get a bike, paw? j
Paw Well, It depends, my son.
. Ostend Depends on what, pawt
Paw Why, the bonnet that yotu
mother selects. If she selects French
straw and flowers, you don't get the
bike. If she selects ordinary straw
with a single quill, then you do get It
Information While Ton Wait.
Mr. Spellem, of Hlghlandtown, writes:
"Dere Sur Please tell me wat is the
holesumest food fer children?"
You will find doughnuts about the
"holesomest" articles of diet Balti
more American.
The Roadside Idea.
Hungry Higglns What Is these here
"progressive dinners" the swell aristo
crats is havin'?
Weary Watkins W'y, you git your
soup at one place, your fish at the next
place, your meat at the next place
"An' dog-bit at the next place?" In
dianapolis Press.
The Lot of Woman.
"You certainly can't call the eel skirt
very sensible."
"No, it seems to be decreed that a
woman may not show good lines and
a good sense at the same time." Do
trolt Journal.
Over Scrupulous.
Agnes Why, I don't see how you can
think that a young man can be too
honest
Grace You would if you knew one
who was too honest to even steal a
kiss.
Comprehensive.
On a tombstone in an old New En
gland churchyard there is an epitaph
which never fails to bring a smile to
the fact of the reader: "To the mem
ory of Ann Sophia and Julia Hattle, his
two wives, this stone is erected by their
grateful widower, James B. Rollins.
They made home pleasant." Woman's
Journal.
Purely for Glory.
"Do you expect your son to take hon
ors at college?"
"I want him to; yet no matter how
many honors he gets. I shall object to
him playing professionally." Phila
delphia North-American.
A Hard World.
"Frlnds are always rldy to push ye
up," said the janitor philosopher, "but
viry few av thim will put a fither bid
under ye whin ye fall." .
A Modest Request
Sergeant (to company barber) What
did you cut this man's hair so short
for? Do It over again, and see that you
leave It twice as long as it is now!
Polichineile.
Very Little. -
Mr. bellefield There isn't much dif
ference between a farrier and a horse.
Mr. Bloomfield (resignedly) Go on.
Mr. Bellefield No; there Isn't. For
example, a horse is a horse, sure, and a
farrier Is a horse shoer, too. Pittsburg
Chronicle-Telegraph.
Uuamiable.
"I see those friends of yours, the
Rustlers, have their names in the pa
per again," said the lady who Is inter
ested in social topics.
"Have they, Indeed?" responded Miss
Cayenne, languidly. "I didn't know
the delinquent tax list had been pub
lished again!" Washington Star.
The Way of a Boy.
Mr. Figg Mr. Brown tells me you
gave his boy a beating. Did you?
Tommy Course I did. His paw got
him a new bicycle and a dog. Indian
apolis Press.
The Facts of the Case.
"I understand that Banker Rustupp
was really the victim of people in whom
he had placed confidence."
"I guess it is so. Poor man, lie was
more skinned against than skinning."
Indianapolis Press.
A Prolific Writer.
Asklt Whom do you regard as our
greatest writer of fiction?
Tellit The weather man. Baltimore
American.
At the Seat of War.
First Correspondent A native run
ner has arrived, but the Boers waylai.d
him and he swallowed his dispatches.
Second Correspondent Oh, well,
that's probably more than the public
would have done. Puck.
Indestructible.
Mrs. Nuwed (to market man) I want
a chicken that I can fry, or stew, or
roast or fix up any way I like.
Market Man Sure, mum, here's one
you can do anything you like wid, an'
not hurt it Baltimore American.
German Progress.
During the last thirty years there
has been nothing like the urban and
industrial development of rustic Ger
many except that of America. Berlin
has increased in population faster than
New York. Hamburg, in the last quar
ter of a century, has tripled the num
ber of Its Inhabitants. Between 1880
and 1890 Cologne doubled itself. Leip
zig has grown more rapidly than San
Francisco. The agricultural population
of eastern Germany has swarmed into
the great industrial districts of the
west and still these are so far from
being glutted that the employer holds
out yet higher temptations to the peas
ant to come to the city and leave field
work to Russians and Poles. Wages
are rising, and hours are becoming
shorter. The emigration which for
merly streamed fast from Germany Is
diminishing from year to year. So far
is Germany from being crushed by
conscription that the -splendor and ex
pense of municipal Improvements go
hand-in-hand with the extraordinary
increase of the towns in mere point of
e are 219 national ban'
inal: Pe:
it bis
Ameri'