THE COLUMBIAN.
Published Evert Tbcksdat
AT
ST. HELENS,
Colombia County, Oregon,
n
Published Every Thursday
AT
i
Columbia County, Oregon.
A
E. G. ADAMS, Editor
A. B. ADAMS, - - - Associate Editor
E. Q. AD A1IS,
A. R ADA2XS,
. - . - Editor
Associate Editor
VOL. VI.
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, DECEMBER 24, 1885.
NO. 16.
THE COLUMBIAN.
COLUM
3IAN.
THE WRONG CUSTOMER.
A Con fid In j Young Man ICnna
I(utic and Cjrclone.
AcroM a
lie was thra jjren'Mt old man you ever
sow. Ha 100:34 arouaJ the paeaer
c wch in a way to prove that ho baJ never
eatorji 010 beforo. ant ha sat down s-
softly, and s ein.J to Le so afraid of dam
aging something, that all the passengsrs
szn.l--d.
lir ani byo a roans man w.mt over and
sa. down besi le him. This young man
might bay) ben diraotel by filial affoc
tioa, ani he might not. Which way,
unci??" he softly askai. .
".Vli? Oli, I hi goxn' to aeo my darter in
Connect cur. ' .
"Erer travel much.'"
"Thi, is ihj llrst time I wn var on the
keers. I've d.-iv tff 3veiiteen milej with
th3 oxjn to S03 ci7 oth r darter, but oxen
baint no co iip.iri-o:i to thu kiars."
I should say not- It tae? a lot of money
to go t o CoaatHjticus ani bici."
Dregul lottos I jiii"tha-ftnin, ytwrf
know
"I pre ;q me you could change a $1J0 bill
for mel '
"Oa, jlst as well as not."
'i may want you to by and by. This it
good weithrr, eh I"
"StrorJinar wather fur fall. James
has been worried about his crn, but I guiss
it ali s-ua.
Nothing farther was said forborne time,
tlie old man locking out of tha win low and
theyoun man reading a paper. Toe trail
runJ j a f aw stops an 1 the car was sojwarnn
that alt?r awhile the oli mm b?gan.tc
yawn and not He fought it off fjr tan
minutes but at last hi; ha ad fell tack, and
his geutie snores miugled with the roar of
tlw wheels.
A slim white hand, with tiperiwj fingers,
re-teJ on hi lo; then it was e evatod to
his breast Its touch ws that of a feather.
Its movement wa that of a sirpant cre3p
ins: forward to strike. Thi finders toueha 1
an oll-f action j 1 wallat. The young: man
continued to read, ani ths oil man sljpt
on. Inch Uy inch the wallet; was lifted
from its nu:j resting placa, and the hand
was a -most ready to remove it entirely
when something happane 1. With a sodden
movenimt of his righc hani the oli man
pinned the interloper fast, and bis voice
was heard callinrr:
"You blanvl skun'il But I knowei all
the time what you were after 1 Where's
the conductorl"
There, was a rush of pass3ngers. and
thjy founi a helpless, onfusei pickpocket
aui an iudi-na it, but yet elated old man.
'Consan his plctur, but he took- me fur
anv ole hiygtack from a back meiderl
Work roofs on me, will ve ! Set a trap fur
me and fall into it yer-e f, ehf"
Ev?n a profe:sional pickpocket hadn't
chee'e enough to urjja a single excuse, Tue
fellow hadn't one blessed word to say, ani
was walked oft to the bagase car to be
kicked to the platform at the next station.
"Ye see." sail th9 old man. as b.3 turned
to the inquiring passengers, "I hain't ortr
don ? it. When a man has been constable,
sber.fr or drover all bis days, travelin' all
over and me? tin' with a 1 sorts of folk, ha
hadn't orter plav off greenhorn and break
a young man's heart like this, but I felt sort
o' reckless this mornin'. I must put a curt
on my sperrits; I'm gettin' too old to ba
play in' joies on confldin young meal"
Hie Horrid Predicament of a Dainty Dnj.
Louisville Courier-JournaLl
AlfojjO was a dainty dule, a member of
that class we should from daily wear ex
clule anil put it under glass. Ha could not
tiie a health? breath, for like excess of
steam, s tigj-1, was ba squeezed beneath,
'twould open every S3am. He bad his cane
tied to his hind with daintv silkea string;
if itsbould drop and he should bend 'twould
ruin everything. He reached a masnve
gardn wai., a foliar hid retreat; was just
about to give a call when, falling to his
fejt. a silver dollar all he had went ring
ing to the frtroe I will not say the dudj
was ma 1; the word is iicomplete. Here
was a pretty bow to do; the dude wasdu-p-rate.
He dared not bond, for well he
knew what than would be his fate. He was
no Van i erbd', to b-.se a d ollar in that way.
Tbere wasn't much for him to choose, and
time for no delay. There was no Arab
there to sroff at his sad misery, so he must
take his trousers off or let be dollar lie.
Now all was dirk; -no one was near. Ah,
sbial l him, shad s of night! He did the
deed in trembling tea., and got his tin
all rigbt. Bow wow? Wnat's th.itf Al
fonso knw; hjd
Just as be wa;,
through an (p-n
liy male a break
heard that soun 1 bjf ore.
like wind he flew; tut
door old Tows?r leaped,
and caught the trousers
fast. Alforso didn't stop to shake his grip
but hurrie 1 fast. Tin gardener came run
ning then "Hi. Twsr, bring it here I Ha,
hal TLat dudj's le-vi here again; but this
is mighty queer. 113 must Lave jumpei
clear from bis clothes, I'll bot a dollar, Bote.
I'll use tha trouere now, I guess, for side vet
to fix my coaf." .
If You Don't Ker."
' Atlanta Constitution.
There are tome gocd storijs toll on -ome
of the members of the legislature. When
o..e of .hi new members arrived ani was
fworn in he took his seit( ani the next
thinx b observed was tha election of the
doorkeep ers, who were thereafter station td
at the vario-.is door. After remaining in
ltissat antil his lojs got cramp d and be
wai ! ereicis3 the member arosi rn 1,
timilU approaching a doorkeeper, said in
a wh:s erJ
"I I I say, Td like to go out if yru
don't ko r. 1 I won't bo gone but about
trt 1 ini lut"-."
T ic doorkeeper let him out. Before the
s ?ys;ou was over 't le membir learned that
be could riJe home ou hi j fre3 pass and stay
a we?k and noboi v woul 1 miss him but the
dor 3. when vainly trying 0 makj wxty
or s'jvjii y ra-n count up constitutional
quoru 11.
Detroit FreePress: A little Delaware girl
was comnal el to don a dress to which she
too: ex(e-:ions. For a long time s be sat
moping, novr sayi lg a word. "Wuat's tbe
mutter, dearf aseJ her mother. "Oil, I
Wlieve this dress makes me bilious."
Monterey.
Monterey, the capital of NuevoLeon.
and n tropolis of northern Mexico, is
pictures mely situated in a sort of am-
Ehitheatre among the mountains, theii
uge. rugged forms towering over it in
every direction save the north, where
the valley widens out into the great
plains lying blue and purple in th,e" dis
tance. Along the southern vista, be
yond the green . valley of the arrovo,
and the gentle foot-hills crowned with
white-towered chapels and suburban
villas, extends the main range of the
Sierra, here Hanked on either side by
the bold, detached peaks of La Mitra
and Silla (the Mitre and Saddle,) both
most appropriately named, as is made
evident at a glance. The Sierra proper
lifts itself in three distinct chains, one
serrated line above another, until they
fairly seem to lean against the sky,
with the summer clouds drifting, lazily
oeiow. especially is this true 01 an
ly mm nmg, wtien thg rising mists
of the valley unite with them in pro
ducing the fairy -like landscapes above
tho clouds that form one of the chief
charms of Alpine scenery. In gazing
down any ol the narrow streets, ana
indeed in every view of Monterey, this
rugged background is ever before the
eyes, distance being almost annihilated
by the rarefied atmosphere of the moun
tains. To the new-comer, especially if escap
ing from the rigors of a Northern
winter, the first night in Monterey
oilers a scene of enchantment. The
narrow streets, with their dead-walls of
tnaasiye masonry, flatt-roofed, para
peted houses, with balconies and
windows barred with iron gratings; the
slouching groups of loungers at the
street corners, wrapped to their eyes in.
gaudy serape, and shaded by sombreros
of immense dimensions all have a de
lightfully foreign look. Even the ex
ecrable pavements over which he is tor
tured in a decrepit old hack propelled
by two deplorable specimens of horse
flesh, compared with which Don
Quixote's Hoinacte was a noble steed,
are pronounced unique, as they un
doubtedly are. But when the hotel is
reached and the traveler ushered iqto the
cool, shaded corridors of the "Iturbide"
or "Monterey with its Moorish arched
colonnades and courtyard filled with
tropic shrubbery well, then his im-
f sessions of Monterey are, perhaps, a
ittle more rose-colored than they may
be a day or two later, when the novelty
has a little worn away. We might
almost say, "an hour or two later," for
one of these hostelries is located in the
convent of the Capuchinos, and, how
ever romantic the situation the bare
stone cells, cement-floored and window
less, afford but sorry guest cha nbers".
buried in their depths, a lamp is neces
sary even at mid-day; however, as the
artist observed, they are just the thing
for a convention of photogra. hers,
where each would have nw ovn "dark
room" without extra trouble or ex
pense. -
Brought by the new. railroad within
a few hours' travel of the United
States, Monterey is yet ssentially as
Strang0 and foreign to American eyes
as if the broad Atlantic rolled between,
and it were in the heart of Andalusian
Spain. Not only are the scenery, arch
itecture, language, very picturesque,
but the varied dress and customs of the
people, as exemplified in the daily pan
orama of street life, are even more so,
and are a constant source of interest to
the new comer. The bells of the nu
merous churches still keep up their con
tinual jangle throughout the day; but
the shovel-hatted padres and other
ensigned members of priesthood who
formerly constituted the most pictur
esque figure of Mexican, street life.
have disappeared before the laws of
reform, together with the contents and
monasteries that gave them shelter.
While the Church has thus gone to de
cay, the State is flourishing at its ex
pense, for soldiers are to De met with
everywhere, and uniforms are as com
mon as in the strongest garrisoned
towns on the Continent. Hardly to be
distinguished from the regulr troops
are the city police; clotheain a sort of
undress uniform, and a little brief au
thority, armed with a rusty old Toledo
in lieu o " the regulation locust club, they
are a veritable terror to evil-doers, and,
in truth, a most formidable body of
men. Tothem it is due that Monterey
is to day the most quiet and orderly of
cities; indeed, more so than most towns
of its size in the United State. Then
there are the cargadores, or porters, '
who, numbered and licensed like drays,
of which they are the only substitute,
may be seen bending under the most
tremendous burdens. Provided with
only a straw pad to protect tho head,
they will move piano-fortes and other
heavy articles of furniture from one end
of the town to the other, and this with
apparent ease, and for the most trifling
compensation. Another interesting
character is the sereno. or night watch
man, who is alwa s going about with a
lantern, though, unlike his famous pre
decessor, looking for a dishonest man.
In storm or calm, throughout the long
watches of the night, his shrill voice
may be heard calling off the hours, with
the' monotonous concluding formula of
y todo es bueno" (ind all is well a
custom brought dowu through force of
tradition from the old Moorish times in
Spain, when every city was an armed
fortress, . and its inhabitants lived in
constant dread of being surprised by
the turbaned moslem. Frank Jtt.
Drown, in Harper's Magazine.
Farmers, Care For Yourselves.
I often think it strange that, as a rule,
a farmer is kinder to his horse than he
is to himself. If he takes out his road
ster, how careful he is on returning to
groom the animal till perfectly clean,
to see that water is not given till the
animal has cooled; yet he will go
straight to the well and drink, often
without sense or reason; and, without
heeding the perspiration that streams
from the pores, which are clogged by
dust, he sits down to dinner, satisfied if
hands and face are clean. A change
of underwear would not occupy five
minutes, and any wife who thinks
about these things will place the gar
ments where they can be easily reached,
for man is an impatient being, and
must have what he wants there before
his e3'es. Leather slippeis do not ab
sorb moisture and are therefore best,
and nothing refreshes the feet more
than a regular washing in tepid water
and clean socks. N. Y. Herald.
RELIGIOUS A"D EDUCATIONAL.
A frame school-house in the Cats
kUl Mountains, which is used for
church services, is papered with pict
ures from illustrated papers published
during the rebellion. It is said that
during services the walls attract more
attention than the officiating clergy
man. Troy Times.
The Russians are a very religious
people in the observance of outward
forms. Their religion consists chiefly
in lighting candles, blessing holy
images, bowing to the floor and. mak
ing the sign of the cross over and over
again. Holy images are found not only
in the churches, but in houses, on pub
lic places, in railroad, stations ana tel
egraph offices, and no devout Russian
passes them without bowing and mak
ing the sign of the cross.
The average salaries of school
taachers in Washington, New York,Phil
ndlphia, Boston.Chicago.St. Louis, Cin
cinnati and San Francisco is $750 per
year. San Francisco pays the highest,
the average there boing $990 per year.
Boston ranks next, the salary paid
being, on an average. $978 per year.
Cincinnati averages $838, New York
5814, Chicago, $700, St. Louis $t2d,
Washington $654, and Philadelphia
$486. The average per pupil is $21.25
in San Francisco; that in Philadelphia
$9.61. A-. Y. Tribune
PresidenfcRobinson, of Brown Uni
versity, favors intelligent and system
atic attention to physical culture in all
the colleges, instead of permitting the
students to continue their sports in the
present somewhat indiscriminate man
ner. If physical culture is to be taken
up by the colleges in the manner Presi-
dent Rogers s u unrests, the value of
the
sportive
quality in athletic exercises
ousrht not to
be overlooKea. I er-
functory gymnastics do not have that
peculiarly wholesome effect upon the
participant that indulgence in games,
which excite emulation, does. Cur
rent. The Charleston (Va.) Jeffersonian
says that the property which the late
Arthur W. Austin, of Milton, Mass.,
be jueathed to the University of Vir
ginia amounts to nearly or quite $600,
U00. The will provides" that the income
of the estate shall go to Mr. Austin's
children, who are three in number and
al! grown, until their death. Tho en
tire property will then revert to the
university. The property consists of
railroad and other bonds, well secured,
and some real estate. In the body of
the will the bequest was made to Mary
and William College, but th!s was re
voked by codicil.
Eating According to Gladstone's Rules.
A pale man, with a high forehead,
came into Booge's restaurant the other
day, sat down at a table and ordered
his dinner. Then he took out of his
pocket a large diagram, apparently
covered with unintelligible signs and
algebraic formula and fastened It with
a pin upon the wall where he could
easily observe it. When his dinner
came he looked it over attentively and
then turned to a profound contempla
tion of his figures. After awhile he
began to eat, put with a great deal of
caution and reserve, as though he was
afraid of making a mistake or suspected
the biscuit of concealing a snag. Fre
quently he paused between the bites,
and his lips moved as in prayer. The
latter illusion was dispelledbowever,
by the occasional indistinct pronuncia
tion of the name of a numeral. He
was evidently counting. He chewed
with his eyes fixed upon the equations
of the diagram, here was a pale,
bluish tinge about his face and he
looked bilTious. His neighbor at the
table hitched his chair a little further
away and placed his hat where he could
seize it a moment's notice. He us-
Fiected the new-comer 6f being a
unatic.
Why do you look at me that way?"
he demanded. "Do you think I'm pe
culiar?" "Well, I did think yonr manner a
little odd," ventured the other.
"Not at all, sir," returned th
stranger, emphatically. "I'm a dys
peptic' and my digestion is in a bad
way. I have just learned of Mr. Glad
stone's rales for regulating masticatioa
60 as to in the highest degree facilitate
digestion. I have adopted his system
of thirty-two chews to a piece of steak,
fourteen to a cold potato, etc., only I
have improved upon it. What was be
fore crude is now systematical and
theoretical. It is the combinations
which puzzle me. They will not whe
I get used to it. Is the explanation
sufficient?'' It was, and in a, few mo
ments more the dyspeptic was plunged
in the intricacies of a profound mathe
matical problem. Hotel Gazette,
The Colors of Horses.
The Arabs of Sahara are very partic
ular as to the color of their horses.
White is the color for Princes, but does
not stand heat. The black brings good
fortune, bnt fears rocky grouud. The
chestnut is the most active. If one tells
you that he has seen a horse fly in the
air. ask of what color it was; if he re
plies Chestnut," believe him. In a
combat agsvnst a chestnut you must
have a chestnut. The bay is the hardi
est and most sober. If one tells you a
horse has leaped to the bottom of a
precipice without hurting himself, ask
of what color he was, and he replies
"Bay," believo him. Ben Dyab, a re
nowned chief of the desert, happening
one day to be pursued by JSaad-ef-enaty,
turned to his. son and asked:
What horses are in the front of the
enemy?" "White horses," replied the
son. "It is well; let us make for the
sunny side, and they will melt away
like butter." Some time afterward
Ben Uyab again turned to his son and
said: What horses are in the froat f
the enemy?" "Black horses," eried
his son. "It is well; let us make for
stony ground and we shall have nothing
to fear; they are the negroes of the
Soudan, who can not walk with bare
feet upon tb Hint." He changed his
course, and the black horses were
speedily distanced. A third time Ben
Dyab asked: "And now what horses
are in the front of the edemy?" "Dark
lies: nuts and dark bays." "Ia that
case," said Ben Dyab, "strike out my
children, strike out, and give your
horses the heel, for these mip-ht ner-
chance overtake us had we not given
barley to ours all the summer through."
Not Exactly Beu-Rock.
In California, in the days of the Corn
stock excitement, when all kinds of wild
cats were being floated on the market
and rapidly bought by an indiscriminat
Ing public, a Mr. Davis bought a claim.
This claim did not cost Mr. Lavis much,
whatever it cost the public, and it was
known by the name of the yBob Tail
Consolidated." The speculative Mr. D.
lost no time in doing what many a man
under like circumstances had done be
fore, and has done since he organized
a company and sold some of the stock.
To a very popular friend of his he sold
large block of ten thousand shares at
pne dollar per share.
For some time the mine amounted to
nothing, and after a few twenty-live
cent assessments had been levied, the
stock would. really not have been cheap
as a gii't.
For this reason Mr. Davis and the
friend to w,cm he sold the ten thousand
hares as a good thing were not on
peaking terms. One day, however, the
friend, to his utter and complete aston
ishment, received a note, asking him to
call at once at the residen e of Mr.
Davis. He went, and found Mr. Davla
in bed. The table was covered with
medicine bottles, and Mr. Davis looked
as if his head had been reposing in a
sack of flour.
"Jim," said Davis, In & harse and,
f coble voice, "I did you a dirty trick a
few months ago in selling you them 'ere
Bob Tails, for I knowed you couldn't
afford the money, and, Heaven knows,
they've not brought me no luck."
"Well," said Jim, "what has been
done, can not be undone now," at the
game time gazing compassionately upon
the sickly form of the pro-trate Davia.
"No, no," urged Davis. "I done you
a wrong. The doctor says I haven't
many hours to live, and before I die I
want to undo as far as I can the in'ury
I done you; where are them shares?"
" Got 'em down at my office," was
the reply,
" You bring 'em up here as soon as
you can," said Davis, "and I will
give you the money that you paid for
em.
Muttering expressions of grief, apd
with eyes rapid! v becoming moist with
itears, Jim rushed off to the orace and
brought up " them 'ere shares." Tho
shares were handed to Davis, who,
with an expression as if it were his last
earthly transaction, handed his friend
ten thousand dollars in currency.
" I never thought you meant to do
me wrong," said Jim, speaking as if
he was about to choke, " and I do
hope vou will soon be better, old man."
Jim then retired with his hands full ot
greenbacks and his ej-es full of tears.
No sooner had he left the room than
.Davis, suddenly recovering, jumped
out of bed and did a war dance on the
;t!oor. Wiping the flour from his face,
andtaking the rag off his throat, he
remarked to a confidant: "Well, I
guess I had him that time?"
I guess you did," replied the con
fidant The following morning the news was
blazoned forth. in all directions that the
"Bob Tail Con." had struck the
greatest body of ore ever seen on the
Pacific coast, and the shares bounded
up from seventy-five cents, the last as
sessment unpaid, to seven dollars. The
last time Mr. Davis was seen, he was
living at the Hoffman House in New
York, feasting on the fat of the land.
He was then the largest individual
holder of " Bob Tail Cons," and draw
ing a princely revenue in the form of
monthly dividends from the property.
But once again Davis and his friend
are not on speaking terms. Financial
News.
m im
The Future Coachman.
The man who keeps a fiery team and
handsome daughters is in a quandary.
!lf he engages as coachman the usual
dashing young roan the chances are
that the dashing y.m. will dash off with
one of the handsome daughters. If he
engages some old fellow the chances
are that the spirited horses will dash
off with him. On the one hand the hap
piness of the family is in danger of
be'ng wrecked. On the other hand the
familr itself is in danger of being
wrecked by a runaway team. It seems
to be the alternative between a run
away horse and a runaway daughter.
The only remedy appears to be that
paterfamilias shall put none but eligible
voung men on the coachman's box.
This opens a new field for our young
society men who at present stand all
the day idle.
"I would like a position as coach
man, the young man will say to the
old man.
"What is your genealogy?" asks the
ancient.
"I come from the oldest Manhattan
families, the Schneiders and the Schoon
erhondzenburgs." What are your prospects in life?"
"I have $10,000 a year at present and
expectations."
"That's all right. By the way, can
you drive?"
"Oh, yes; I keep a four-in-hna.
"Then consider yourself engaged "
Detroit Free FrcsZ
A Sympathetic Crowd.
He was tellinir 'era in th- village
store that his son in Chicago had failed.
and when thev asked for particulars ho
explained:
"Whr, he writes me that ne bought
for July delivery and got left."
"How left?"
"I dunno. but I guess he couldn't de
liver it. Meb-be teams was awful
skeeroo, and meb-be the roads was
bad." .
"Well," said one of the crowd as ho
brought his hand down on the counter,
"if 1 had a knowed that your son Bill
was pinched to deliver wheat I'd have
gin nim the use of my team a whole
fortnight fur nuthin', for Bill was one
of the best boys who ever left this
town."
"And me, too'." added every man in
the crowd, while the old man observed:
"It 11 probably be a Warning to
William and meb-bo he'll set in and
buy watermelons for January delivery
and get on his feet again." Wall.
Street News. .
Pear sauce is sometimes improved,!
jf the pears Bcem rather tasteless, byi
adding a few figs to the sauce beforo.
tewing. Tr&j Times. . 1
FACTS JLXD FIGURES.
The area of Philadelphia Is 123
square miles. The area ot London is
122 squares miles.
Paris has just taken a census. It
shows a population of 2,239,928, of
whom 10,789 are English and 5,987
Americans.
The main building of the New Or
leans Exposion is said to be the largest
erected in the world, covering thirty
three acres of land.
There are 810 Young Men's Chris
tian Associations, with 108,137 mem
bers, owning $3,956,675 worth of real
estate. V. Y. Sun.
The total area of the seas in the
world is 231,915,905 square miles, while
that of all the continents and islands is
only 34,354.950 square miles.
In 1830 there were 23 miles of rail
road in operation in this country; in
1810, 2,818; in 1850. 9,003; in 1860, 80,
000; in 1870, 52,030; in 1880, 92,000,
and in 1884, 120.0J0.
Nearly all of the crops are big this
year, sugar and rice being the most
notable exceptions. The Florida
orange crop is estimated at 1,000,000
boxes 350,000 more than last year.
Chicago Herald.
The Eureka Lender, in an article
showing how well foreign capital has
succeeded in Nevada, says: "Of the
amount invested in this district by for
eign capitalists about $900,000 has
come from England and about $600,000
from the United States. Since the open
ing of the district less than $2,000,000
in assessments has been levied in our
mines, while over $8,000,000 has been
Said in dividends, showing an excess of
ividends over assessments of more
than $6,000,000.
-Of the 600,000,000 pounds of tobacco
grown in this country this season 300,
000,000 will be manufactured into chew
ing and smoking tobacco and s-nuff.
The tobacco manufactories proper are
about 1,000, but of cigar manufactories
the number reaches more than 16,000.
New York and Pennsylvania have each
about 4.000; Illinois and Ohio about
1,500 each, none of the other States
reaching in number as high as 1,000.
These cigar manufactories made over
3,000,000.000 cigars in the fiscal year
just ended and about 750,000,000 cigar
ettes. X. Y. Herald.
From the days of Cortex in 1521,
down to the beginning of this century,
and even to the present time, except
when interrupted by revolution, the
Mexican silver mines have poured forth
an unceasing stream of silver, such as
the world has never seen. It is esti
mated that the value of the silver coin
and bullion produced in that country
since the con quest is over $3,000,000,
000, and it is well known that soma of
the mines have been profitably worked
almost without interruption from that
day to this, and that one of them at
leat is still running out silver at the
rate of over $5,000,000 per year.
WIT A.ND WISDOM.
Somebody has said that the mcst
direct way to a man's pocket is through
his stomach. The most direct way to a
woman's pocket has never been discov
ered. Burlington Free Fress.
Arabella: "Oh, Bridget! a mouse,
a mouse! Come and catch it, quick!"
Bridget: "Sure, mum, there's no hur
ry. If this one gets away I can catch
plenty more for yer, mum." Harper's
Bazar.
- -The little one, being a guest of her
grandma, had been literally feasted,
when a second dish of pudding came
along. Looking at the steaming dish,
she excla'med, with a sigh: "Say,
gran'ma, I wish I was twins. '
Now that the fall gun.ning season
has opened the wives of doctors find no
difficulty in getting trusted at any of
the stores. Merchants hate to refuse-
credit to those who have prospects of
fortune ahead. Philadelphia Chronicle
Herald. Reading the evening newspaper at
the tea-table often brings out the real
tendencies of the family. "Hello!"
said Mr. Job Shuttle. "The Chinese
have beaten the French." "What's the
score?" eagerly cried the youthful base
ball enthusiast of tho Shuttle family.
Hartford Post.
On the Train.
He from the window looked to sea
The landscape rushing by;
It came along- be picked it up
Ho caught it in hid eye.
Wrathfullv he jerked in his hea
To dijr f r the pting-ingr cinder
But who shall print the words be said,
Aa his hat Hew out toe winder?
Burdette,
There was really nothing the mat
ter with the young orator but nervous
ness; nevertheless, when he opened bis
speech by saying: "My cello fitizens,
rumthing is sotten in the Den of State
mark," his friends led him oft the plat
form, and next morning published a
physician's, certificate to the effect that
he was suffering from an acute attack
of "malarial cerebration." Chicago
Tribune.
"What do you think?" said Clara;
"that horrid Tom Brown proposed to
me last evening. He hummed and
hawed a long time, but finally spunked
up courage to ask for my band."
"And what did you say, dea'r?" ajked
Delia. "Say? 'Why, I told him I
couldn't be po cruel as to burden him
with a third hand, when he did'nt know
what to do with the two he already had
the awkward booby!" Boston (J lobe.
At the Pont des Arts, in Paris, is a
blind man, who carries a board around
his neck with a sign: "Blind by birth
and by accident." "See here, my good
man," said a passer-by, "can you tell
us how you happened to be blind by
birth and by accident at the same
time?" "Kasy enough," said the old
man. "You see Fm blind by birth my
self, and I've bought out a blind man
who did business on the other side of
the bridge. He was blind by acci
dent." v
A young minister and his wife
visited the congregation where his fath
er was previously the pastor. He
preachea on the Sunday; and, after
service, one of the venerable elders,
speaking with the young minister's
wife, said: " Your husband preached
from the same text that his father had
the last time ho was in the pulpit."
" Indeed!" replied the lady: "I hope
it was not the same sermon, too." "Oh,
no," said the good oWer, " his father
was a dreadful smart man."
Mrs. Jarpbljf's Contribution to the Cam
paign Gob.
"What is the matter with your eye,
Mr. Jarphly?" asked the Man with the
Cold Tea Scheme, as he met the Thin
Man without a Shirt Collar.
"Nothing the matter with that eye
that I know of," replied the Thin Man,
look'ng upon the other rather resent
fully out of it.
This was not within the facts. Mr.
Jarphly's eye was imbedded in deep
purple, etched with a lighter blue,
running to a black, in fact it was a
very damaged orb and resembled an
eye that had run against something
more prominent than a knot hole.
"You ain't been sleeping with the
window up and caught cold in it?"
sympathetically asked the Cold Tea
Man.
"NawP'
"Loaned it to a friend to go to a pic
nic with?"
"Naw."
"Painted it that way to seo how It
would lit a new suit you're getting?"
The Thin Man trie'd to look the Cold
Tea Man from head to foot in deep in
dignation, but as tho damaged eye re
fused to associate with the other one,
keeping within itself, as it may be ex
pressed, the repression of the look
was lost upon the party it was in
tended for, and the Cold Tea Man con
tinued: "Jarphly, we're old friends, and I
have never seen an eye on you like that
before. Where did you buy it?"
"I didn't buy it; it was give to me.
See here, Goshorn, we are old friends,
and I don't mind telling you a little
matter of the kind. This eye you seo
me wearing is Mrs. Jarphly's oflering
to patriotism.
"Offering to patriotism!"
"Yes, it s Martha's contribution to
the campaign fund."
"As how?"
"As follows: You
well liked among the
ward in Allegheny,
know I'm pretty
boys over in our
and when they
formed a marching
club they elected
me Captain."
"That was quite an honor," remarked
Mr. Goshorn, complimentarily.
"O, yes," replied the Thin Man. "A
good deal of honor but a good deal
more beer. Beer and glory have got
badly mixed in this country, and it's
sometimes hard to tell them apart. Bnt
as I was saying, they elected me Capt
ain and Martha didn't much like it.
She said she didn't care much for tho
honor to myself, that she'd trade it for
a new pair of shoes. She said she was
afraid if I got into politics I'd get Into
the workhouse
"Women are queer," sententiously
interjected the Cold Tea Mao.
"Ain't they!" replied Mr. Jarphly,
with a far-away-Moses look in his best
eye. "But it never does to try and ex
plain business matters to them. They
don't -seem to comprehend the stern
realities of life and its commercial
obligations, so I told her it was my
duty as a citizen of, the Repub
lic and one who had the interests of
my native land at heart to accept, and
I told the boys I'd be down next meet
ing. As luck had it, it. happened
that night Martha asked me to get her
some stuff for a white dress sue was
going to her church picnic in and gave
me a five-dollar bill. 'Be sure you
come right back with it, Jeremiah,'
said she. 'O, I will,' says 1, and that
was my intention. But I thought I'd
just go down first and accept the posi
tion at the club, and the boys, of course,
expected a patriot to contribute to the
campaign fund, so I set 'em up a few
times and contributions were called for
so fast the first thing I knew Martha's
five dollars had all Den .contributed."
"Did you go home?" asked the Coal
Tea Man reflectively.
"O, yes. I went home. I had too
much patriotism in me to know enough
to stay away. Martha asked me wnere
the dress stuff was and what kept mo
so late. I told her about the honorable
position I had been elected to and how
it is the duty of every honest citizen to
interest himself in politics. 'Where is
ray five dollars?' said she. 'Why,' says
I, 'Martha, to tell the truth, I thought
you would like to do a little something
for your country, and I contributed it
to the campaign fund in your name. I
do not exactly remember what did oc
cur. Martha is so excitable, you know.
When I got up aud took a look in tho
glass next morning I stumbled over
a broken mop handle. That made mo
suspicious and when. I saw this eye I
asked Mrs. Jarphly, says I, 'Martha,
how did I get this eye?' "
"Wot did she say?"
"She said that she gave It to me to
take with me to the Marching Club,
that it was her private contribution to
the campaign fund." Pittsburgh Chron
icle Telegraph.
What a Rather Can Do In Salt Lake.
A bather can lie on the surface of tho
water of the Great Salt Lake without
exertion; or, by passing a towel under
his knees and holding the two ends, ho
can remain in any depth of water kneel
ing, with the head and shoulders out of
the water; or, by shifting it under tho
soles of his feet he can sit on the water.
The one exertion, in fact, is to keep
one's balance; none whatever is re
quired to keep afloat. The only dan
ger, therefore, arises from choking by
accidentally swallowing some of tho
water, for the strength of the brine is
so intense that the muscles of tho
throat are convulsed, and strangulation
ensues. Salt Lake Herald.
The Mississippi Valley produce
185,000 tons of cotton-seed, one-fourth
of which is marketed in Memphis, much
of it being shipped in a crude stato
from that point to Italy, whence, it ia
needless to say, it is returned to this
country in the shape of pure olivo oil.
Chicago Journal.
When a man points, a fire-arm at
you in fun it is your duty, no matter
how good a friend he is, to break his
nose and give him some data to re
member the circumstance by. Detroit
Free Press.
An Indiana girl baby is named
"Cyclonia." Won't the men be carried
away with her, though, when she is old
enough. Burlington Free Press.
Alabama this year has been dis
tinguished by the inauguration of heavy
mining and smelting enterprises.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Underground telegraph conduits
become dangerous when struck by light
ning. A heavy current is suddenly
started that in several instances has de
stroyed switch-boards and injured by
standers In the operating room. tf. Y.
Suti.
According to the Chemist and Drug
aist the substance which gives to Rus
sia leather its peculiar aromatic aud
lasting qualities is the oil 'of white
birch bark. Dissolved in alcohol, it is
said to render fabrics proof against
water, acid and insects and renders
them more lasting, i
A young lady from New York, who
was visiting friends at Weatherficld,
was mortally . afraid of cows; and
coming on one suddenly one day, she
was too frightened to run. o pontng
her parasol at tho beast, she stuttered
out: "Lie down, sir! lie down!" N.
Y. Graphic.
An Enfflish chemht who has ana
lyzed all sorts of canned eroods comes
. a .
to the conclusion that there is no dan
ger from metallic poison. Any metallic
salt present in sutllcient quantities to
be poisonous would render the contents
o unpalatable that they would not be
eaten.
General Booth, of the "Salvation
Army, has applied for a trade mark on
a design of which the principal features
are a cross and crown, and the word
"Blood and Fire." The trade-mark is
to be used in cutlery and edge tools, in
furniture and uphofsterj and finally in
preparations for the teeth, and hair.
and soap.
Loco, a western weed, acts upon
horses and cattle just as alcohol does
on man. They lo e all appetite for
normal food, become apparently intox
icated at times, and finally die from a
disease strangely like delirium tremens.
From the vice comei tho California ex-
pression: "As baa as a locoeu norse.
Chicago Jxmes.
A Western man at one of our
hotels, where the bill of fare was in
French, after sorely puzzling hime.f
with descriptions which he could not'
comprehend, coteleltcs a la Maintenon,
and crufs a la braise, exclaimed: "I
shall go back to first principles; give
me some mutton chops and boiled
eggs." tf. Y. Ca'erer.
The New York Commercial Bulletin
says that from the organization of tho
firist fire insurance company on this
continent down to this present, more
money has been paid out foi losses and
management expenses by American
fire insurance companies than the same
companies have actually received from
fire premiums.
The first brewers of lea were often
sorely perplexed with its preparation.
It is related of a party to whom wa
sent, as a present, a pound of tea, that
they boiled the whole at once in a ket
tle, and sat down to eat the leaves with
butter and salt, and wondered how any
person could like such a diet. Chicago
Journal.
The Atlanta Constitution,scxxsn
ting upon the fact that the patent upon
paper collars and shirt-bosoms has ex
pired. Is of opinion that we may soon
expect to see paper garments of every
variety manufactured and sold. But It
fears opposition to the general use of
such material for olothingon the ground
that no man would'care to wear a suit
of clothes liable at any moment to melt
away if he Ls caught in a shower, or to
be torn into shreds when he is passing
through a crowd. Nobody would ri-k
going to a picnic i- a paper suit, as tha
accident of a sudden shower might leave
him entirely unprotected and compel
him to take shelter in the woods.
Adobe.
Many strange words are creeping Into
our language, through the more inti
mate relations new railroads are giving
us with the Spanish-speaking countries
south of the United States.
"Rancho" and "corral" have long
been part of the common speech of tho
Southwest, and many other Spanish
words have become so naturalized that
soon we shall hear them without ques
tioning their origin.
AdoXe pronounced ah-do-by is a
name applied to the bricks of sun
baked clay of which tho huts, hovtC
and walls of the lower classes of Mexi
co and New Mexico are made.
It is also applied as a generic term to
houses built of that material, and as a
term of contempt. It is shortened to
"doby" by our frontiersmen. Prof.
Orton says it is derived., from "adoub,"
an Egyptian word, still used by tho
Copts, carried by the Moors to Spain,
tbenco by the Spaniards to America.
In making adobe bricks, the clay (or
mud) used is mixed with straw and
spread out in great beds, then cut up
into cakes of the requisite size, or
pressed into frames of the shape de
sired and left to dry.
Many villages in Mexico and South
America are built entirely of adobe, and
it enters Into the construction even of
the walls of important cities. Fred A.
Ober, in Good Cheer.
Goldcn-IIalred Brunettes.
Since the perruque blonde was immor
talized bv Mme. Angot golden hair has
never gone out of fashion, and whero
nature failed to provide it art has
stepped in, as it generally most conven
iently does whenever fashion requires
it. Who has not seen the "golden hair
dye" advertised? And who has not,
si'nee the appearance of the advertise
ment, noticed a considerable increase of
straw-colored that is to say, golden
hair? As yet it is smuggled on to tho
toilet-table as eve-lotion or a tonic, but
it is to be feared such precautions will
soon become useless before the revela
tions of fSie interviewer. "Youngman,"
says an American professional hair
dyer, "before you get married stroko
your love's hair. Hair-dye makes
hair "brittle as glass." But there is
no need for such a test; the "young
man" might arrive-at the truth beforo
he is on such intimate terms with a lady
as the above suggestion implies. It is
better advice to mark whether the color
of the hair changes, and the blonde is
now and-then a brunette, for even if
she is most careful to rub the "wash"
in with a' sponge, she is not always suc
cessful, and the dark natural color may
t . . , , , . .
00 nouceu even dv people not over-00
servant Pall Mall Budget,