THE COLUMBIAN.
1
Published Every Friday,
AT
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR.,
BY
E. G. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor.
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One year, in advance 2 00
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Published Every Femjat,
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ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR..
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VOL. V.
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, JULY 3, 1885.
NO. 48.
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THE COLUMBIAN.
GOMJM
AN.
SHE RULES.
Since Father Adam first was fooled.
The world has been by woman ruled:
She rules by tactics of her own,
A laugh, a nigh, a smile, a frown.
A cheerful word to banish care,
A gentle touch, a silent prayer,
A tender hug, a good-niht kiss,
Imparting peace and hallowed bllsa.
She rnleth not with gun or spear.
Her chosen weapon la a tear;
She conquers oft by tenderness
And sympathy for sore distress.
She many cunning ways can find
To make submissive vain mankind;
From any craft appearing free,
A clever actress ahe can be.
A lion can be or else a lamb,
A hurricane or else a calm ;
A furious hawk or coo tag dove, '
So f all of Ire or full of love.
' . '- , -" -
Now tV.i won'an' little Tlu
To T'lle ve world, tv raiing man;
And he who doubts that she doth rule.
Shout 1 try the matrimonial school.
Wandering WiUie.
EASTER DAY.
The Queen Festival of the Chris
tian Year.
Various Ancient Customs The Sepulcher
Show Easter King The Universal
Use of Eggs Imltatatlons .
A Costly Curiosity.
All Christian churches concur in re
garding Easter Day as the most im
portant and central of the great festi
vals of the year. It derives its name,
some think, from the Saxon oster, to
rise; while others maintain that it is
named after the Saxon goddess Easter,
who was always worshiped at this sea
son.
An angry and prolonged controversy
arose in the middle of the Second Cen
. tury between the Eastern and Western
churches as to the proper day on
which to commemorate the resurrec
tion. The former celebrated it on the
same day as the Jews solemnized their
Passover; the latter, in .order to dis
tinguish the Christian Easter from the
Jewish Paschal feast, observe it on the
Sunday subsequent. With the view of
bringing about an agreement on this
vexed point, Polycarp, Bishop of Smyr
na, visited Rome, where he held a con
ference with Anicetus, Bishop of that
See. One adduced the practice of
Saint Philip and Saint John in support
of his theory; the other supported his
view by reference to that of Saint Pe
ter and S-int Paul. Thus the matter
ended. Some time afterward, Victor,
Bishop of T?ome, endeavored, but un
successfully, to compel the Greek
Church to conform to the practice of
the Lativ which practice was con
firmed in the Fourth Century by the
- fcrreacntcsl Council oi Is ice.
Strange to say, the churches of
Britain and Ireland adhered "to
the Eastern mode, until Osuwy, King
of Northunibria, in A. D., 664, gave
his royal verdict in favor of a change.
The time of keeping Easter now is the
first Sunday after the full moon, which
happens upon on next after the 21st
of March. Should the full moon occur
on a Sunday, Easter Day will be the
Sunday after. This festival can never
occur earlier than the 22nd of March.
It fell on that day in 1818, and will not
do so again till the year 2285.
THE SEPULCHER SHOW.
Of all the Easter practices, perhaps
the most remarkable was the Sepul
cher Show. There was an ancient tra
dition that the second coming of
Christ would occur upon the eve of
this festival, and hence arose the cere
mony of Making and Watching the
Sepulcher, which continued in England
until the Reformation. At the period
referred to. the only theaters for the
populace wre the churches, while the
monks were tha chief actors, so that at
Easter plays were prepared either for
popular amusement or edification.
These were entirely of a religious char
acter, and illustrated some event in
the history of the Founder of the Chris
tian faith. One of the most imposing
spectacles must have been in those
churches where the 'Resurrection of
the Sepulcher" was performed, the
dramatis personoe being monks, clothed
in habiliments suited to the characters
they assumed. The lights at the Sepul
cher Show formed no trivial part of the
attraction. One massive taper, called
the Paschal, was lighted in each
church. That at Westminster Abbey, in
1557, weighed 300 pounds; that at
Durham Cathedral was made of pure
wax, square in shape, and extended to
within half a dozen feet of the roof.
Every church in London had a sepul
cher. EASTER MERRIMENT.
Strange, indeed, were the different
forms of merriment practiced at this
joyous season. In the thirteenth cen
tury, whenever an ecclesiastic appeared
in the streets between Easter and Pen
tecost, he was sure to be seized, and
could only obtain his liberty by the
payment of a fine. The cause as.' igned
for this wanton folly was the seizure of
the Apostles by the Jews after Christ's
pa-ssion. Stoning Jews and otherwise
persecuting that race at Easter formed
repulsive modes of diversion, mon es
pecially with the Parisians. In some
French towns it was the practice to lay
hold of a Jew, lead him to the nearest
church and openly buffet him on the
face. '
The merrment so predominant at
Easter seems to have pervaded all
ranks and conditions, not excepting
even the priests, who, in Germany, dur
ing the sixteenth century, usedto in
tersperse their sermons with facetious
stories.
EASTER KIXG.
What was denominated the Easter
King was probably the most singular
of these festive ceremonies in England.
We only read of its being practiced at
LostwithieL in Cornwall. The free
holders of that town and manor having
elected .no among them as their king,
he was gaily attired and gallantly
mounted, with a crown on his head and
a scepter in his hand, while a sword
was borne before him. Attended by a
large retinue of equestrians he rode to
the church in solemn state, where he was
met at the porch by the priest, and
treated by hun with much pomp and rev
erence. After service was 'ended, the
King repaired with the same .formality
to a house prepared for his reception,
where a grand banquet was given, in
keeping with the pseudo monarch's as
sumed dignity. After dinner he was
disrobed and immediately descended to
his former level. Probably this cus
tom was of r rench origin. It is stated
that as the Emperor Charles .the Fifth
was once passing through, a village o
Arragon, on faster dav, he was ac
costed by a peasant who had been
chosen the Paschal, or Easter King.
decorated with a tin crown and a spit
in his hand for a scepter, lie demand
ed of the Emperor that he should take
off his hat to him, 4 'for, sir," said he.
it is I who am King' To which his
sovereign wittily replied: "Much good
may it do you, my friend; you have
caosen an exceedingly troublesome em
payment." .
EASTER EOGS.
1 he use of eggs at Easter was uni
versal, and is a custom far from being
extinct. What can be more common
place than an egg! And yet the egg in
all ages and in every country has been
the subject of poetical myths and
legends. The ancient linns believed
that a mystic bird laid an egg on the
lap of Vaimalnou, who hatched it in
his bosom. He let it fall into the water
and it broke; the lower portion of the
shell lormed the earth, the upper the
sky; the liqnid white became the sun
and the yolk the inoon, while the
little fragments of broken shell
were chanjred into stars. En
glish and Irish nurses - in
struct children when they
have eaten a boiled egg always to push
the spoon through the bottom of the
shell in order to "hinder the witches
from making a boat of it." It is
difficult to give the precise origin of the
graceful custom, so universal in France
and Germany, and more or less preva
lent throughout the world, of offering
eggs at the festival of Easter. The
Persians present each other with col
ored efrsrs on the 20th of March and
following days, when they hold their
great festival of the solar new year,
and the Russians do the same at the
festival of Easter. At the feast of
Passover Jewish women are wont to
place hard eggs on a table prepared
for that purpose, as emblematical of
their departure from Egypt. To the
philosophy and theology of the Egyp
tians, Persians and other heathen na
tions, indeed, may perhaps bo traced
the practice of distributing and pre
senting eggs at Easter. Among these
people an egg was regarded as em
blematical ot the universe, as well as
the renovation of man after the deluge.
With Christians it is a highly signifi
cant symbi i; in an earthly sense it is
the germ of fecundity and abundance,
and we wish our friends all the bless
ings contained within the slender shell
when we of" t this gift, whose fragility
represents that of happiness here
below; and, then, in a spiritual sense it
is -symbolic, inasmuch as it retains
W'hin itself t'-tlssrota'of a future
life, and therefore is a most meet em
blem of tne resurrection of Christ.
The! Romans commenced their repast
with an- egg, whence the proverbial
phrase, ab ovo usqua ad mala "from
the egg to the apples' and we still
say, to express going back to the verv
commencement, beginning ab ovo. In
Christian countries, from the Fourth
Century, the church prohibited the use
of eggs during the forty days of Lent;
but as the heretical hens did not cease
to lay. a large quantity of eggs was
found to have accumulated at the end
of the period of abstinence. These
were generally given to the children,
and in order to render them more at
tractive they were dyed with gay colors
or otherwise ornamented. A favorite
game a as to knock two eggs together
and whichever broke became the prop
erty of him who held the other. Of
course this would not profit much if the
eggs were in a fluid state, and thence
came the custom of boiling them hard.
In some remote districts of France it
is still customary for the priest -1 the
parish to go round to each house at
Easter tnd bestow on it his blessing.
In return he receives eggs, both plain
and painted. In these same regions a
belief still lingers that during Passion
week the bells of the churches set out
for Rome in order to get themselves
blessed by the Pope. During the
period of mourning the bells are sad
and mute in their belfries, and the
peasants firmly believe that they have
started on their pious pilgrimage, and
will return to set forth a joyous peal
on the morning of the Resur
rection. People do not come back
from so long a journey with
out bringing presents to good
children. The joy bells then always
come first and bear with them various
beautiful playthings. Easter is like a
second New Years Day. The peasant
bestows on his child an egg d3"ed with
scarlet, like the cloak of a Roman car
dinal and supposed to come from Rome.
At the sound of the rejoicing bells on
Easter morning fair angels with azure
wings are believed to descend from
Heaven, bearing baskets of eggs, which
they deposit in the houses of the faith
ful. Formerly, at the approach of Eas
ter all the hen roosts of France were
ransacked for the largest eggs, which
were brought as a tribute to the "King.
At the conclusion of the Easter high
mass in the chapel of the Louvre, lack
eys brought into the royal cabinet pyra
mids of gilded eggs placed in baskets
adorned with verdure, and the chap
lain, after having blessed them, dis
tributed them in the presence of his
Most Christian Majesty to all the per
sons ab ut the court.
The idea of fabricating imitation eggs
in sugar and pasteboard is of later ori
gin; but their manufacture has now be
come, and especially in France and
Germany, a source of important traffic.
In Paris, that city, as Beranger says,
full of gold and misery," the splendor
and luxury of the Easter eggs are al
most fabulous. A few years ago a
Parisian house furnished an egg which
was destined as a present for an infanta
of Spain at a cost of twenty thousand
francs (4,000). It was formed
of white enamel; on its ins'de
was engraved the Gospel for Eas
ter Day, and by an ingenious mecha
nism a little bird, lodged in this pretty
cajre, sang twelve airs from as many
fashionable operas. In Germany the
tastes of the people are more simple
and their means more limited than
those of their Gallic neighbors; conse
quently the cost of an Easter egg, even
when most gorgeous with colors and
gilding, seldom exceeds two or three
ffulqeu. A curious custom prevails
among them, of which it is' not easy to
find the explanation. Hares are, in
the popular belief, transformed for the
uuuue into oviparous uumais, sau in
the pastry cook's windows you may see
animals of that species as large as life,
modeled in sugar, and sitting upright
in a nest, surrounded by any quantity
of eggs. The fresh, simple-minded
German children believe implicitly in
this egg-producing power of the hare,
and when about Easter time they see
one running across the field they clap
their hands and shout after it: "Hare,
good little hare, lay plenty of eggs for
us on Easter'Day!" It is the custom
in German families on Easter . Eve to
place sugar eggs and real eggs (the
former usually filled, with bonbons or
tiny playthings) in a nest, and then
conceal it in the house or garden in or
der that the young ones, who always
rise at break "of day on that important
morning, may have the delight of seek
ing and finding the hidden treasures.
Throughout the north of England,
"pace eggs" that is, eggs hardened
by boiling and tinged with the juice of
herbs were wont pot only to be eaten,
but played with in the fields, as though
they were balls or bowls. It was cus
tomary in the Lake district and other
places to send recciprocal presents of
colored eggs to the children of families
between whom any intimacy existed.
The names of persons and tile dates of
particular events were sometimes in
geniously inscribed on the shells, so
that the eggs served as souvenirs. It
appears by a royal roll in the Tower of
London, that four hundred pace or
paste eggs were in the time of Edward
the First purchased for distribution to
the royal household, having first been
boiled" hard and covered with leaf gold.
Sometimes eggs were blessed in quan
tities for distribution throughout the
kingdom. The form of consecration ap
pears in the ritual of Pope Paul the
Fifth. The Greeks also make presents
of colored eggs and cakes at Easter. In
Russia, according to the Abbe d'An
teroche, in his "Journey to Siberia," a
routine of extensive visiting is adopted.
An egg is given and exchanged at each
visit. "People," he observes, "go to
each other's houses in the morning and
introduce themselves by saying: 'Christ
is risen.' The reply is: 'I es. He is
risen.' They then embrace, give each. I
other eggs and drink a great deal oi
brandy ! ' ' Brooklyn Eagle.
UNDER DRAINING.
Some Reflections on the Practice of Drain.
In If Farm Land.
Whenever an unusual drought oc
curs, and whenever devastating floods
prevail, some writer is pretty sure to
broach the theory that our system of
underdraining is the cause of the diffi
culty. The argument is that the lines
of. pipe underground carry off tbwatr
too rapidly and too thoroughly and
prevent the storing of water ia the soil
for use in time of need. Undoubtedly,
as the country becomes settled and the
original forests are cleared off, the
water runs away more rapidly than in
the early days. Cultivation, especially
deep plowing, breaks up the natural
water courses. As the shade of the
forest disappears, the effect of sunlight
and tillage is to rapidly decrease the
amount of vegetable matter in the soil.
A crust forms oa the surface, over
which rains and melting shows rush
into creeks and rivers, destroying large
amounts of property.
The evil is undeniable; but we hold
that the system of underdraining is not
responsible for it, and is in fact its most
efficient corrective. It is a great mis
take to suppose that on a long culti
vated field deep underdraining causes
the water to run off more speedily or in
larger quantities after a heavy rain, or
at other times when there is liability to
floods. Drainage deepens soils and in
creases their absorptive capacity. To
the extent it does this it restores soils
to the mechanical condition that they
had when the country was new. The
great bulk of water in new settlements
is held in the soil, not on its surface;
or, if held in the latter condition, it is
at the expense of malarial fevers, which
are w,prse than the evils of drought and
flood.
It is a popular mistake to suppose
that the bulk of uncleared new land is
undrained. Except in bogs and
swamps, which settlers always avoid
when they can, there is a natural sys
tem oi underdraining through the
channels opened by decaying tree
roots, through which surface water per
colates very much as it does in the
artificial underdrains. Un an undrained
surface hardened by long cultivation
water runs off rapidly; and it is here
that floods are most likely to occur. In
an experience of many years we have
uniformly found that deep underdrain
ing caused the water to run off slowly.
It soaks :nto the soil, and this requires
time. The underdrain only takes the
excess of water above the point of sat
uration. It is something like absorb
ing water from the pressure of a sponge
as compared with the same quantity
passing ff from a hardened, smooth
surface.
The effect of deep underdrains is very
different from that of large and numer
ous open drains. These last do help
the water to run oil rapidly, while the
underdrain retards it. The draining of
a bog or swamp where there no out
let except as water dries out may some
times cut off the source of a spring;
but, if it does, the remedy i3 easily ap-
fdied. Dig a deep hole or well in the
ine of the underdrain which itmr " run
through. This will hold a reset ir of
much better water than can be got from
the bog, and as good as from any
spring that nnus its source in it. At
all events we can not afford to main
tain swamps, with their unhealthful
malaria, as a means of keeping up our
water supply. N. Y. Independent.
A lesson in Pushtu: Kabool is pro
nounced Kayble; Merve is pronounced
Mahriv; nerat is pronounced Heraht;
Kurracbee is pronounced K'rahchy;
Peshawur is pronounced Pqshower. In
such words as liolan, Robat, etc., the
accent is on the second syllable and the
"a" is pronounced broad, like "ah."
English Paper.
In choosing mutton or veal from
Ihft carcass, the aualitv mav be deter
mined Irora the fat inside the thigh. II
there be plenty of clear, firm fat there
the meat is good. Chicago Journal.
HUMOR AND WRATH.
The Practical Jokes Played by Oue Candl
date on Another.
Ex-Senator Dave Walker an Con
gressman Gunter have afforded much
amusement to tha people of Northwest
Arkansaw. Walker is a playful gentle
man, a gentleman of fine humorous
conception; and; ;.i is said Uzzt he would
swim a river during a freeze to' play a
joke on a friend. Gunter is not a
joker. He has been known to laugh,
but he does not enter into demonstrative
mirth with that haw haw and forgetful
ness of surroundings which charac
terizes "Little Dave.
One day Walker and Gunter set out
ros-et her on a political campaign.
Walker had left home rather hurriedly
and had not put on a clean shirt. Some
of his friends say that he would not
have put on a clean shirt even though
every circumstance had been favorable.
Gunter wore a new shirt, covered with
a gloss that was dazzling to the mortal
eye. Walker was not long in devising
a plan to rob the shirt of its shine
When the two men reached a stream,
W alker said:
"Gunter, suppose we go in bathing.
This is a beautiful place."
Gunter agreed and stripping off they
went down into the water. Walker
was the fir t to come out. Taking up
Gunter's shirt, he had begun to put it
on, when uuuter, moving toward him
exclaimed:
"Hold on, Dave, you've got mv shirt."
Walker, stepping backward, stumbled
accidentally, of course and fell into
the stream. When lie came one,
Gunter's shirt looked I ke a harvest
field handkerchief. Gunter raved. He
cursed Walker. He swore that he would
not travel with him.
"Hang it. Gunter, didn't ; you Bee it
was an accident r
Gunter wouldn't speak to hini. Dur
ing two days travel they rode to
gether in silence, but Walker effected
a reconciliation.
Gunter's fondness for onions is well
known. He would rather eat an onion
than to eat an orange. Walker secured
a large onion. He "beat up" a white
stone until it resembled salt. Then he
was prepared:
lxok here Gunter, he said, as they
role a'oug, "what's the use of this fool
ishness? You know I didn't intend to
ruin vour shirt. . You know I am the
best friend you ever had. When we
were at that house yonder. I thought of
3rou and, see her, I got you a fine
onion.
"l):ive. that was reallv kind of von.
taking the onion. "Of course 1 have
no ill feeling toward you. Wish I had
some salt"
"Gunter, when my friends are con
cerned, I never forget anything. Here's
some salt."
-rity GTJorge, Dave,, you are a capital
fellow."
He peeled the oidoh, dipped it into
the pulverized stone, and bit on a
mouthful. Dave whipped uo his hors'r
For five miles Gunter chased him yell
ing like an Indian. .
After awhile they made friends again.
Dave declared that the pulverized stone
had been given him, and that he thought
it was salt.
Gunter wore a pair of very fine though
gaudy boots. The legs were covered
with yellow stars and half-moous. Gun
ter was proud of his boots and wore his
trousers in the tops, so that the orna
ments would show. One night the
friends stopped at a hotel. Next morn
ing a negro entered the room and
wanted to know of Walker, who was
awake, if he wanted his boots blacked.
"I believe not. i Say, have you got
any tallow?" !
"Yes. sah."
"Well, I want you to grease my
boots," pointing to Gunter's tawdry
leather. "Put on plenty of grease.
Grease the bottoms, and be sure to
grease the legs. That old fellow's
boots," pointing to his own, "must be
nicely blacked. He is very proud and I
want you to make a good job of it."
When the negro returned, Gunter's
boots wer "a sight" to see." Walker
crept down ttairs, hurriedly ate break
fast and rode away. For davs and
nights Gunter followed him. He had
armed himself with a gun, and, from
his hat, a small black flag floated.
Walker escaped and went to the United
States Senate. Gunter went to Con
gress. Hence the recent trouble be
tween the two houses. Arkansaw
Traveler.
A Popular Fallacy.
Land and Water has done a useful
service in pointing out the fallacy of the
wide-spread belief that ivy trained
against the walls of a dwelling-house is
productive of damp walls and general
unhealthiness. The very opposite of
this is r lly the case. If any one will
carefully examine an ivy-clad wall
after a shower of rain, he will notice
that whil the over-lapping leaves have
conducted the water from point to point
until it has reached the ground, the
wall beneath is perfectly dry and dusty.
More than this, the thirsty shoots
which force their way into every crev
ice of the structure which will afford a
firm hold, act like suckers in drawing
out any particles of moisture for their
own nourishment. The ivy, in fact,
acts like a great-coat, keeping the house
from wet, and warm into the bargain.
One more virtue it has, in giving to
the ugliest structure an evergreen
beauty.
- .
Well Posted.
Mrs. Slimdiet "You seem to know
everything about horses. Won't you
explain to me how you tell a horse's
age?"
Thin Boarder "Certainly. By the
teeth."
"Oh, yes, I had heard of that, but
I had forgotten it Can the ages of all
animals be known in the same way?"
"Yes, I can tell a chicken's age by
the teeth."
"A chicken has no teeth."
"No, but I have." Philadelphia Call.
Coffee made with distilled water is
said to have a greatly improved aroma.
It seems that the mineral carbonates in
common water render the tannin cf the
coffee berry soluble, but the drug will
not dissolve in distilled water. Chicago
Inter Ocean.
BUI Nye on the Bump Translator,
Much harm has been done by a long-haired
phrenologist In the west who has, during hla
life, felt of over a hundred thousand heads. A
comparison of a large number of the charts
given in these eases shows that, so far, no
head examined would indicate anything less
than a member of the lower house of j con
gress. Artists, orators, prima-donnas and
statesmen are plenty, but there are no charts
showing the natural-born farmer, carpenter,
shoemaker or chambermaid.
That is the rgason butter is so high west of
the Missouri river to-day, while genius ac
tually runs riot.
What this day and age of the world neels
is a phrenologist who will paw around among
the intellectual domes of free-born American
citizens and search out a few men who can
milk a cow in a cool and uninipassioned tone
of voice. j
Let me say a word to the bright-eyed youth
of America. Let me murmur in your ear
this never-dying truth: When a long-haired
crank asks you a dollar to tell you that you
are a young Demosthenes, stand up and look
yourself over at a distance before you swallow
it all.
There is no use talking, we have got to pro
cure provisions in some manner, and in order
to do so the natural-born bone and smew or
the country must go at it and promote the
erowth of such things, or else we artists,
poets and statesmen will have to take off our
standing collars ana do it ourselves.
The Mental Giant Bump Translator.
Phrenology is a good thing, no doubt if we
can purify it. So long as it does not become
the slave of capital, there is notning iaDouL
phrenology that is going to do harm; but
when it becomes the creature of the I trade
dollar, it looks as though the country would
be filled up with wild-eyed genius that hasn't
had a square meal for two weeks. Tho time
will surely come when America will demand
less statesmanship and more flour; when less
statistics and a purer, nobler and more pro
gressive style of beefsteak will demand our
attention.
I had hoped that phrenology would step in
and start this reform; but so far it has not,
within the range of my observation. It may
be, however, that the mental .giant bump.
translator with whom I came in contact was
not a fair Irppi-eeentativt. Still, lie baa beon,
in the business for over 30 year, and some
of our most polished criminals have passed
under his hands.
Settled on the Spot.
After standing In front of the store for sev
eral minutes, seemingly undecided what to do,
he entered and asked for the proprietor, and
then began: 1
My ole woman was gwine long yere las'
night an' fell down on your sidewalk an' busted
her elbow."
Ah! Well, being you are a poor man IH
make the charges as light as possible!"
But dat hain't de case, sah. A lawyer tells
me dat you is 'sponsible fur dat slippery side
walk, an' dat I km git damages." !
"Exactly, but you dont understand the
matter. In the first place you must fee your
lawyer and put up for court expenses.
Then
Then
yon prove that 1 own tne sidewalk
you prove that your wife was not guilty of
contributory negligence. Then you prove
that your wife didn't bust her elbow by fall
ing down stairs. Then I appeal the case, and
the higher court grants a new trial. Uy that
time your wife and her busted elbow are dead
and buried and you are married again, and
you offer to settle for five pouuds of j brown
sugar." !
"Fo' de LawdJ but has 1 got to wade frew
all datr I
"All that and more. The grocery business
is cut so close that I shall probably be a bank
rupt by April, and then what good will a
judgment do you?"
"Dat's so dat's so."
"Or the case may hang in tho supreme
court until both of us are dead." i
"I see. And you would gin two pounds of
brown sugar to settle de case now f
And you woxdd gin two pounds of brown
sugar to settle it?"
"Well, yes."
"Den you may do it up, and arter dis de
ole woman takes de odder side of de street or
we dissolve partnership! I 'spected eb;ry
mi nit you war gwine to twist it around to
lew on my household goods, ana ir im two
pounds of sugar ahead I want to close de case
to once afore you onng in a dui iur con
tributory piracy I"
An Artistic Drawing.
I New York Sun.
Vrairnr Artist fdisnlavinir a picture) This
painting is entitled "Jonah and th j Whalo.'
Possible Furcnaser w nere is jonaai
Young Artist You notice the rather dis
tended anoearance of the whale's stomach
midway between the tail and the neck?
Possible Purchaser xes.
Young Artist That's Jonah. .
Macon Telegraph: A Chinaman has run
xnv with a Chicaco man's wife. It is under-
SuOfKi tliat the husband encouraged the thing
because he hates Chinamen.
3
MATRIMONY.
A New Terror Added to the Honorable
Estate.
Of It t years there have been so
many mtniplaints both of the unfitries
of young women for wives and the un
fitness of young men for husbands that
the honorable estate of matrimony
might almost be thought to be falling
into disrepute, did not statistic reas
sure a doubting public by showing that
the wedding ring is a3 numerous as
ever. But if a dispatch irom Maco i,
Ga., which purported to relate the sur-i
prising experience and melancholy fate
of Mrs- Fannie Howard be true, a more
formidable obstacle to the union of
twin souls has arisen than the most
confirmed cynic and pessim'st ever
imagined"or hoped for. According to
the Macon dispatch the lady in ques
tion was a widow. After her husband's
death one Sterling came into tho neigh
borhood. "The widow, I struck by
Sterling's remarkable resemblance to
her late husband, encouraged his ad
vances," and, in a word, they
were . married. And now
comes the remarkable part
of this highly interesting narrative.
"As soon as the bridal pair stepped out
into the hall-way, while the lady's at
tention was attracted by some object,
she felt her arm deprived of its sup
port, and looking up quickly observed
that she was standing alone. Her hus
band had vanished into air. She has
come to the conclusion that it was the
materialized sp:r.t of her first hus
band." It is superlluous to remark that
this is a startling and altogether we'.rd
denouement; but it is much more than
that, for if true (it is perhaps necess.i
ry to emphasize the condit'on) a brand
new vista is hereby openedj down which
are ranged a striking assortment of
no v elt'es in domestic and 'social catas
trophes, j
Bridegrooms have vanished before,
but not thus. We have all heard of
materializations, also, butj they have
been judiciously confined to the seance-"
room, and sceptics have compla' nod
that they manifested a lack of purpose.
But if spirit bridegrooms are to revi-.it
the pale glimpses of the moon, clothed
in so perfect a fac-simile of flesh that
their relicts can not distinguish be
tween them and mortals, and if th'y
are to resume the domestic relations of
life in so far as to circumvent th ? afore
sa'd relict", only to leave them in the
lurch by tha mo it unprincipled and
heartless dematerializatiOn at the
church door, what security or assur
ance can tjiere be any more forever
against such post-mortem pleasantries?
ior is it widows alone who are men
aced by this thoroughly j illegitimate
mixing up of two states or being.
Spinsters will have to devise means of
tttottner the solidity Il.vi jwrmar.uncy of
their su tors, and science will be called
upon tolnvent new methods of detect
ing materialized spooks wjio would a
court'ng go. I
Ami it is not every widow who de
sire further relations with the dear
departed. Cagliostro made his great
est hit by announcing that ho was go
ing to resurrect the dead Sn a 1 reach
country church-yard. All the heirs
all the widows, thronged to the magic
ian, and paid him lavishly to let tiie?r
dead rest. 1 he moral is obvious. I he
materializat'on of husbands would not
as a rule bo popular, and the uncer
tainty of their de naterializat:on would
produce a state of painful tension, both
in the domestic circle and society. On
the whole, therefore, tho best that can
be hoped is that the Macon dispatch
did not relate facts; and this concbis'on
will, fortunately, be more easily reae'-.e I
by the majority than its extremely dis
tressing and perturbing i contrary.
N. Y. Trilmnr. j
SPRINGS IN BAVARIA.
How the Welcome Spots Are Found 1,300
Feet Above the Sea.
The AVegemeine Zcitung gives some
interesting particulars of remarkable
success in indicating the: presence of
water springs on the part of a man
named ISeraz, who seems to be a recog
nized authority in such matters. The.
scene of his performance j was in the
Uavarian h ghlands, at ja. luvght of
more than 1,300 feet above the level of
tho sea. The commune of ltothenl-erg,
nearllirsehhorn, suffered greatly from
want of water, and invited lieraz last
au.umn to cndeavorjto find some sourc e
of f.upply for them. Ho inspected the
locality one afternoon in presence of
the public authorities and a reporter of
the Allegcmcine Zei'ung, and announced
tha water was to bo found in certain
spots at depths wh:ch he stated. The
lirt sot w:us in the lower village, and
he gave the likely depth at between
sixty-two feet and seventy-two feot,
adding tint the volume of water which
the spr ng would g ve would be f about
the diam -ter ol an inch an I a
quarter. After incessant labor for
four weeks, consisting- mainlv of
rock blasting, the workmen cum- on a
copious spring of water at a depth of
almost 07 feet. Whatj he declared
about a water source for the upper vil
lage, was very singular, lie po.ntcd to
a snot where, no Maui, i three water
courses lay perpendicularly under one
another, and running in parallel
courses, lhe lirst would be iound at a
depth of between 11 1-2 and 2G feet of
ibout the size oi a wneaten straw, run
ning in the direct on from southeast to
northwest. The second j lay about 42
fe.-t deep, was of about the size of a
thick quill, and ran in the same direc
tion. The third, he said, lay at a depth
of about 5fi feet, running; in the same
d reetion. and as large as a man's litt'e
linger. The actual results were as fol
lows: The first water course was struck
at a depth of 27 1-2 feet, running
in the direction indicated, and
having a diameter or one-fifth of
an inch. The workmen came on the
second at a depth of 42 2-3 feet; it had
a diameter of seven-twenty-lifths of an
inch. The third was found at 02 1-2
feet below the surface, and having a
diameter of three-fifths of an inch all
three running in the d'rection Beraz
had indicated. Unfortunately, no hint
is given of his method of procedure.
Brooklyn Eagle.
m i 1
Ladies who desire quiet in .Ifew
York now fit up artistic j sitting-rooms
at the top of the house, where they re
ceive only intimate friends in a verit
able sky parlor.
Thomas Alva Edison.
' .
In one respect, at least, men resemble the
angels. The greater they are the less do
they assume. I thought of this the o'Ler
day, after a tallc with Edison, tho elec
trician. What man, of his years, has f-uch
world-wide celebrity, and where U thore one
with so little egotism? He takes pleasure in
what he has accomplished, but it is the satis
faction the genius feels in seeing his Ideas
perfected, and not the boastful delight of
the man who thinks he is greater than his
works.
He is like a big, goxl-natured boy, pleas
ant and friendly in his greeting, short anl
stout as to figure, and wit l a round, un
bearded face. But the big boy is gray
haired, and there are home lines on tha
pleas :nt face, and tha clear, blue-gray eyes
show that they have lxIced into new mys
teriui an I thought mdr-h upon the wonders
of his wonderful scio.ic3. Tlie picture of
Mr. Edisou represents him with a decidedly
youthful ca3t of countenance. He is at
once boyish and'manly i i opiearance; boy
ish in his frank, unifTeciel maiitiT, and
most inatilv in soerch.
A Snake Story from Kentucky!
Merchant Traveller.)
"Want a gob of snake news fresh from the
fields F' inquired a long coupled Kentucklan,
sliding up to the editor's desk and dropping
his hat over the cuspidoro.
"Yes, if it's reliable."
"Don't forgit yourself, mister. Tm tellin'
this story, and if you think I lie, Jos' say so
in that many words, an' I'll go and git the
doctor."
"No, thanks; I guess I won't need his ser
vices. Go on with the news."
"All right. You see, yesterday morning
I went out to the barn, an' over in the tater
patch jis beyant I heard a rustle like, and I
crop' up to see what it was. I peeked
through the cracks in the fence an1 In a little
clear spot I seen the all Credos t big snako -and
a rat about as big as a torn cat fight in'
like dogs ar-1 cata. -. IJoth were sprity and
in fjust-raie;-Jir, and ielthor wmtf RetUn'
tha best, till ail of a sudddint like tha snake
made a grab and swallowed the rat sllckern
grease.
He stopped a minute to see the effect of
his story on the editor, but that hardened
criminal carelessly inquired:
"Is that all?"
"No, by thunder, it ain'tf he exclaimed,
bringing his big hand down on the table.
."I kind o' felt a pity fur the snake and lot
him crawl off, an' about half an hour I
went back agin, an' what do you think I
seen?"
"The snake, I suppose.
"Not much, I didn't. I seen that dang
rat a-settin' there sound asleep, an so full
he couldn't a waddled if he'd been wide
awake."
"How did he get there V inquired tha
editor in considerable surprise.
"Easy enough. You see, when the snako
swallowed him heTclean forgot in his hurry
to kill him, and when ho got inside he jiet
turned to an' et his way out, an' then he et
up the whole snake."
"Are you sure of thatP
"I should say so, fur I knocked the rat
over with a hoe handle, an' cut him wide
open, and found every sill, rafter, lath and
roof of the fool snake inside him, s'elp ma
Bub Johnson."
And the Kontuckian slid out as softly as he
came in.
A Noted African Explorer
IS,
HKXRV M. STANLEY.
Mr. Henry M. Stanley, who has left the
Congo river and is on his way to England to
recruit his health, after spending nearly five
years in exploration and in the establishment
of civilizing stations along 1,000 miles of that
river, has been eminently successful in his
mission, when it is considered that with but
fourteen Europeans he has traveled among
savage tribes Knd in an unhealthy country,
has pushed his way through 230 miles of
cataracts and launched several steamboats.
Mr. Stanley was born in Wales in 1540,
was sent to an orphan asylum, his name bo
ing John Rowlands. At the age of 13 he left
the asylum to ship as cabin boy on a vessel
bound for New Orleans. Where with a mer
chant named Stanley he got his present name.
He entered the Confederate army at the out
break of our civil war, was taken prisoner
and afterwards volunteered in the Union
naval service, becoming acting ensign on the
ironclad Tlconderoga. Since the war he
traveled extensively in Europe, Asia and
Africa, his most renowned feat being the
discovery of Dr. David Livingston in 1871.
On a subsequent visit to Africa, on a mission
of exploration, he lost 194 out of his 300 men
by sickness and desertion.
think you could learn to become a sales
man?" "Yes, sir." "Well, suppose
you were waiting on that man and hi
wife over at the laco counter. What
would you do first?" "I should hold
up the best piece of lace In tho stock
and ask the man if ha didn't think it
becominsr to his dauerhter'a Ftvlo of
beauty.' WeU, what then?" "Oh.
nothinjr. The woman would take cart
of the rest of it." "Young man, I don't
want you for a clerk. I want you for
a partner. Vhtcago Mews.
A7
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