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VOL, V.
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, JUNE
26, 1885.
NO. 47.
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Who Opened Fire on Fort Snmterl
GIT B. O. T. BEAU-REGARD.
o'en. Beauregard's stirring account of tbs
first battle of Bull Kim in a recent maza
cme, has brought its author into prominent
notice just now. A native of New Orleans,
he graduated from West Point in" 1833 at
the age of 21. Fought in the Mexican war:
was superintendent of the Military Acad
emy at West Foint in Feb. 1661, but re
signed on the secession of Louisiana; was
in command of the confederate forces at
Charleston, S. C. when on April 11 he
commenced hostilities by the bombardment
of Fort Sutupter; on July 21 he won the
bittle of Ball Bun, ani now arraigns Jeff
Da r is for not permilt'r.g him to follow up
that victory by the capture of Washington.
He was prominent in most of the great bat
tles of tuu war from S'.iiloh to the 'all of
Richmon l. And has siucj been active in
the construction of railways and the devel
opment of the south. At the aQe of 67 he is
"in excellent h.-altu.
Tbe Great Canal Engineer
FERDINAND DE LESSEP3.
The construction of the Suez canal and
that of the isthmus of Panama, if ever com
pleted, will immortalize the name of de Les
seps. He is a born diplomatist and from
the time be was 20 years old he has held the
most important of diplomatic positions for
the French government, and it was through
the eorfirUnc in his sh-rswdness and tact
that capitalists advanced him the sum of
$90,000,000 to construct the Suez canal, one
of the greatest artificial water courses the
world has ever known and the most profit
able. A !w days after the inauguration of
the canal, Al. de Lesseps married a lady at
tached to tbe court of the Empress Eugenie
of Frarce. M. de Lesseps is the most hospi
table of men. He welcomes all nationali
ties and all creeds at his lavish table. After
dinner his guests are shown the nursery and
his children, who number a dozen or there
about, the oldest being but 15. These little
ones are the pride of their father's heart.
Among them he forgets his 78 years and be
lieves himself immortaL
Author of Helen's Babies.
JOHN HABBERTOX.
Mr. Habberton, at present editor of The
N-aw York Telegram, became femou in
1876 as th author of "Helen's Babi-s," a
book which reached an edition of'250,0X)
copies in America an I circulated largely in
England, Franca and Germany as well.
Born in Brooklyn, N. Y. in 1842, youn
Habbertou was taken west at ths ag o 8
years; received a common school education
In southern Illinois; went to the war and
has since been editor of The Christian
Union, and later an editorial writer on The
New York Herald, until promoted to his
present position. He has written "Othar
Peoples Children," and other works, but
without the result that attended his f.rsb
great succesa
Gould's Letter on Elopement.
New York World.
It is short and to tbe point. "I would
suggest," he says to Morosini, "that you
start the young man in some light business
conzenial to his tastes, and if he has
any business qualities in him they will soon
develop themselves. Such a step might be
means of making the young couple hajipy
and lesson the burden of your grief."
This is not only philosophical it is patri
archal, and shows Jay Gould to be gov
erned in domestic matters by a conciliatory
and benign spirit that seldom betrays itself
in his larger operations with the world. He
knew how to touch Mr. Morosini on a deli
cate spot when he spoke of setting up the
young man in a light business, fo- he had
long before set the father up.
Curious that this Maecanas had to come in
and play the "Bless you, my children,"
policy to the second generation.
Jay Gould has played in a good many
roles, but this is the first time, we believe,
that he has appeared as the godfather of
the Hudson river school dispensing faith,
hope and charity to slightly obstreperous
fathers and offering to pave the way for
'cp:ng young lovers with good advice.
An insane German, named William
We'cht, created a sensation in the Uni
ted States Supreme Court-room recently
by announcing that he had several suits
of clothes in a carpet-sack which he car
ried that he wanted the Chief Justice to
wear. He thought they would be more
becoming than the black silk robes that
the Justice wears, Washington Pout.
THE TRUE TRIUMPH.
Tin- war of kins are children's Karnes.
And children's lauble, monnrclis' t.iroues.
lie coti-itiera mnxt, wlio suffers most
In silence suffer and alone.
Dun rude desires anil appt-tl es,
Th l ift?, of fallen nmnankin I,
(Jive hro:u!er tieM.-t for nobler strife
Than Alexander e'er designed.
llm lie has not been wholly lost; u
, II. s la!. or wholly misapplied,
Wiio wins the scepter over self,
Thoigh tie wins naught ou earth beside.
He onlv breathes the mountain air.
Whose strength of limb anl strength of will
lla e been exerted, and surrlee
To reach the summit of the hill.
so it Is. that the soul's desire
Impede the patii that must be tro t,
And each desire we t ead upon
Is one step higl er toward tiod.
J. L. Tait, in Current.
A SINGULAR FUNERAL,
As Described By One of the
"Waiters" at the Festival.
"I w'sli some one would com? here
arid discover us, and then a set of peo
ple arrive and settle, so that thus we
nrght gi adually become civilized and
at last enlightened. Have you ary
idea that it is known in what inky dark-ne.-s
we sit? And yet I don't suppose
.here is a person in town who can not
read and write. I don't mean that he
can spell or put a grammatical sen
tence together. That power is not
m eessary, even to be graduated from
the Center High School. And what do
ou iinag.ne will be required of us at
that funeral this afternoon? We shall
not please them. I know, and yet I am
go ng to try with all my might to do
what they' expect." Tint wrote my
si.-ter i trude on a certain day last
summer.
The town of Hansome, which you
will not find on any map. is removed
from the seashore. It is in Massachu-.-etts.
It is lovely of aspect, with hills
an.l t rooks and rocky pastures, and
distant purple mountains. -But it is of
its piOj le more than of its scenery that
I am going to speak.
It is almost a m'racle how such
pla -es can st.ll exist in Ma sacliusetts:
hamlets not half a doen miles away
from towns where live lad es and geu-tlen-en
who can use a singular verb
wiih a s'ngular subject, and who know
what plural means. A great deal
hangs on know ledge seemingly so sim
ple. Here in lbs part of Kansome we
are r-eomed if we say How are you?"
instead of "How be e?" Such s the
natural proneness to depravity that I
have basely truckled to popular opin on
and thing "about the wrong verbs reck
lessly. I don't think I am liked any
the "better for it, and I imagine I am
still cailed "stuck up."
They w.ll not read here, and you are
a lazy, shitless th'ng" if you read.
"I ain't' no time for read u'," a man
w.ll say scornfully: and you shall
see him s tt ng for hours in a numb
sort of way. perhaps smoking, perhaps
not even doing so much as that. He
will tell you he is resting, and he would
s ncerelv bel.eve ff mself an object for
blame if he should Le scanning a new
p i per or a book.
You say this state of affairs can not
be in Massachusetts. But it is. and
though we have lived in the midst of it
for six years, it even now seems incred
ible to us. What impassable, though
invisibh:, barrier is there which pre
vents glimmers of sense and refinement
and literary tastes from coming here,
when a few miles away you shall hnd
culture and geniality? Tiue, there is no
ra Iway to the v.llage, but a railway is
not solely a civilizer. I defy any one
to leach these people anything. They
may listen, or appear to listen,, to ome
one anuounc ng a self-evident fact, not
known to them, andyouwdl see all the
t.iue on their faces a look of dull scorn
of yon who should believe such a thing.
lie who would convince the worthy
Mr. Dunderhead of any truth which
liunderhead doe-; not see, mu-t be a
ina-ter of h s art."
But I wasgouigto tell you about that
funeral. A man living near us had
died after a long and painful illness;
my s"st r and I called to ask the family
if we could assist them -in any way. We
im-t several women with "lugubrious
faces who ha f been in to see the corpse.
We were invited in for that purpose,
and as a great treat, but deel ned.
Can we be of any use?" we asked.
"Wall," with the conventional Yan
kee nasal, which, if ou ever thought
of it, is that one doe not talk through
the nose, but without the ass'stance of
that organ: Wall, you couldn't no
how be waiters to the funeral, now
c -uld ye?" inpi r -d the w dow.
We prote. t. d our willingness could
we know what was the duty of waiters.
Wall, you see, when we've all gone
lo the grave, the waiters they git up a
supp 'r; coiTee, tea, and so on. There'll
be a sight o' folks most likely coma
ba-k iroin the grave, and they'll be
m hty hungry. You'll have to tend
r g'lit up to 'eiu, ye know. There'll be
seve al tables full, and dishes to wash
.ow, could ye, now? I'll be so much
obleegcd to ye. But," she added in
thoughtful commiserat'on of us, "if ye
do, you can't o lo the grave."
We said we would tay and would
try to do what was proper.
" IIow appetizing going to the grave
must be," said Gertrude, as we walked
home.
On the wav we m t Nancy Holland,
who was taking down a stranger from
Al'nl Village. Mie explained that her
companion had never seen Mr. Kwell,
the man, but that she felt a wish to see
the corpse. Mrs. Holland was old. a:.d
trembiiiig with the interest and excite
ment of the occasion. She asked if we
were to be present "to the tuneril."
When t hi that we were t be "waiters,"
she lo ked at usw th unmistakab'e sur
prise atid envy.
"ile e. now? I declare I told M's-;
Kwe 1 Id jc.s't as 1 eve stay an' help.
id i can't leave Robert, know,"
and sh.; w ent on.
from interviews with several othei
neighbors we saw that our oTicc waa i.
; 'voted one. Hid it not g've analmos
unlim led opportunity to peer into
flvi ry part of th; house; to see where
dtist ha I collected; to find out how
many pies had been matle, and to judge
pretty accurately whether they were
made as they ought to be? I over
heard, one d icreoit old woman, who re
mained behind in the houseoi mourning,
say to another, as the two tottered
along the narrow entry through vh ch
the c rtin had just been borne:
I call it odd that Miss Kwell should
a' had them two gals as wa ters; my
gals would a' been glad to t orn". What
do they know?" jerking her head back
in our d'reet on.
Oil. how iiot it was! It was fervent
as a d.iv in Massachusetts will some
times be in the summer, the heavens
beirii: overspread by a thin, coppery
h ize, and w thout a breath of a r. It
was ihe th rd Iay of such heat, and
every one foretold that the "spell
would break before night." Mean
wh le it had not broken, and we were
in the kitc'ien brewing coffee and tea.
We put two tables end to end in the
settiu-roo:n." and hrstened tospr ad
them with crockery, cake and pie,
stacks of bread and of cold-boiled
corned beef.
The cemetery was not far, and we
wore barelv naly, when carr'a;e after
carriage drove bat k from the grave,
auel their occupants poured into the
house. Where do the men get those
cur ously shaped sack coats wh'ch bag
so in the back and sleeves? But that
the days of peripatetic female tailors
are over, we should say that these gar
ments were the r work. These men
slouch in and out of doors, talk ng in
mumbling voices, while the'r wome i
in prim dresses pat the r hair before
the little looking-glassiii the bed-room,
then come out one by one, and peer
over the table at us. They talk. too.
and discuss how well, or how ill the
minister did. One thinks he d'd not
impiove the occasion correctlv, an
other that he was not suflicientlv
"fuel n' in his prayer f r th; widder."
Widders is Yustome 1 to bein' prayed
fur more particular." sa d Nancy Hol
land, who spoke, I suppose from expe
rience, she having been a widow twic
before she marri d h r Robert.
Though they all talk, they are evi
dently impat'ent for the feast. No less
than ten carriage loads have come.
We learn from the remark of one thin,
pale-faced woman that it is a distinc
tion to have a good many come back
from the grave and paitake of the fes
tival. "When Miss Mart'n was buried they
only had six carriages to supper," she
says, in a congratulatory way to the
bereavt d woman, as if in Mrs. Kwell's
case sorrow had t-i coiuiensat ons.
"War e.i. h had a good many
friends." repl; d the widow, a glimmer
of complac 'tiey em her f ac wh ch is
careworn and sallow.
In a few minutes we have the (irst
tables full, includ ng the minister, who
is in a hurry, having another funeral
to attend at three o cloe-k. He drinks,
thirstily, three cups of tea, and is hus
tled off after a handshake and gentle
murmur of condolence to the w'dow.
For the next hour my sister and I
miht have been waiters in a crowded
restaurant. We hud the feasters very
part cu'.ar about their coffee and tea,
and very copious in their consumption
of those beverages. We have cut the
th rd sta.-k of corned beef, of bread and
of cake. We have emptied one pickle
jar. and I am go ng down cellar afier
a second; for one cadaverous woman,
in a blue and green gingham dress,
seems to subs st on pickles, and is very
arbitrary in her remarks to me con
cerning those relishes. She appears to
think that, in some mysterious wav, 1
am responsible for the fact that there
s a whitish mould on some of these
E reserved cucumbers. When I hand
er the d.sh the third time she says in
a husky whisper:
There ought to a' been baked
beans. Why d dn't yc see to it? Hand
me them cakes. Ain't there no beans
in the bouse anyhow?"
"1 saw a bushel of raw beans in the
shed," I can not help saying. She
tossed her head, pointed to her cup,
and said "Tea."
I hurried o.l" cravenly to obey h r.
We washed d she's furiously between
whiles, so that the supply might not
fail. After the first tableful had been
fed, I ran down the cellar for more
p es. I fell ag.iinst the .woman in
Checked gingham, who was l;:surely
looking about. Probably she was
coavinc ng herself that really there
was no beans.
It's a good stiller," she said, calm
ly. "1 allei s el d want ter see M ss
Kwell's suiler. She says it don't
frte'.e; but I d'n know bout thet.
How much pork hcv they got pu'
down?" I did not answer her; I may
have laughed in her face. She seemed
thoroughly contemptible.
Mounting the sta rs with three trers
of pies in each hand, whom should I
meet but the new-made widow. She
caught hold of my sleeve, and asked,
excitedly:
"Whar's that M ss Skiles? I knew
she was apryin'! Jes' get her out o'
there!" I left Mrs. Kvell hurriedly de
scending the stair. How the encounter
ended I never knew.
The afternoon wore away in melting
heat and ncreasing work. At last
the slow-motioned men brought round
their horses and covered wagons, those
big carriages that, in ch'ldhood. we
used to call "bedrooms." Deliber
ately the women mounted into these
vehicles and were carried off. Kx
bausttd, faint, not having had t'me to
eat a morsel, we walked homeward,
accompanied by Nancy Holland, who,
though unable to leave Robert, had yet
remained to the last minute. .
"I don't think Miss Kwell she took it
very hard," said Nancy, her head bob
bing up and down in her earnestness.
"I watched her all t irough th-i re
marks an' the prayer, and, ef you'll be
lieve t, she never cried a drop. She
jes' sut st'U. I declare. I should a'
thought she'd a cried a little!"
That is one of thj funerals where we
were waiters. Hansom. (Mass.) Cor.
Ar. V. Tribune.
The "law of the road." as under
stood in Pennsylvania, was laid down
by Judge Biddle of the Common Pleas
Court of Philadelphia a few days ago.
It is to the effect that persons meeting
on the highway must each keep to the
right. Tnis rule is modified in the case
or a footman or a horseman, who can
not compel a teamster who has a heavy
load to turn out of the beaten track, or
even a light wagon with a heavy
draught. If a horseman or light vehi
cle can pass with safety on the left of a
heavily-laden team it is their duty to
give way and leave the choice to the
more unwieldy vehicle.
VANDERBILT'S WEALTH.
The Knormon Accumulations of the Chief.
.Millionaire of the Day.
His fortune was at one time placed at
as high as ZeMi,uuu,uuiJ, but a good
judge lately said that he thought $150,
000,000 was now nearer the mark. .
Still he is the richest man in the
w, rid.
None of the Rothschilds ever had any
thipg like his wealth. The banking
business of that famous house still, of
course, goes on in London, Paris, and
Vienna, but it is now in the hands of
joung men of the Rothschild family,
and its wealth has been distributed
among quite a number of its members
by will, as one by one, the older men
of the firm died. The combined capital
of that family i now about $250,000.
000, and some writers have declared
that Mr. Vauberbtlt's fortune exceeded
that of all the Rothschilds put together,
but this is ail exaggeration. . It would
not be at all surprising if Mr. Vander
bilt's wealth should, before he departs
this Jife, fully justify such a statement,
but ior the present it is enough to know
that he conies as near as he does to the
figures mentioned, and that he is not
only far richer than any single mem
ber of the Rothschild family, but is, as
already stated, the wealthiest man in
the world. None of the traders of an
tiquity of which we have any record,
none of the present financial barons of
France or England, none of the monied
princes of Germany, Austria or Russia,
or of the world of haute finance any
where, can really compare with him in
point of personal possessions. Old John
Jacob Astor with his fortune of S-'O.OOO,-000
was, forty years ago, the Vandcr
bilt of his day, but even after making
due allowances for the greater purchas
ing power of money in those times he
came nowhere near the enormous ac
cumulation of the chief millionaire of
to-day.
His wealth is largely in Government
bonds and railroad securities. He takes
an inventory of his wealth once a year.
In Januar', 1883. be told a friend that
he was worth $194,000,000, and added:
'1 am the richest man in the world. In
England the Duke of Westminster is
said to be worth $200,000,000, but it is
mostly in land and houses. It does not
pay him two per cent." This was an
unusual outburst of boastfulness on his
part. A year ago he had $54,000,000 in
Government 4-per cent, bonds, but the
amount was afterward reduced to $35,
000,000, partly for the purpose of aiding
his sons who lost 10,000,000 by Wail
Street speculations. Later on, however,
he purchased abont $10,000,000 more of
the 4-per cents., and he has besides
$4,000,000 in the Government bonds that
pay three and one-half per cent. His
Government bonds are worth, as near
as . can be stated, $70.000, 000. He
owned a vear ago 240,000 shares of
Michigan'Central slock, 300,000 shares
of Chicago and Northwestern, 200.000
shares of Lake Shore, 30,000 in the Chi
cago and Rock Island road. 20, (MX) in
the Delaware and Lackawanna, besides
some 20.000 shares in other railroads,
so that in all he held, approximately,
810,000 shares of railroad stock. A
large part of these he still owns, though
he is reported to have sold considerable
Lake Shore stock.
He owns 22,000,000 worth of railroad
boTids, it is said, besides 3.200,000
worth of State and city bonds, and has'
2,000,000 in various manufacturing
stocks and mortgages. He valued his
house on Fifth Avenue at 3,000.000,
the art gallery be'i:ig worth, with its
contents, 1,000,000.' He sold Maud S.
for 40,000 last year. His ordinary ex
penses in a year, he has .said, were
200.000. but his ball given in 18S3 cost
him 40.000 extra. .Mrs. Vanderbilt's
diamonds are valued at 150.000. He
wears none h im.se f. A Wall Street
statistician, in referring to Mr. Vander
bilt's wealth, stud: "irom his Govern
ment bonds he draws 2.372,000 a year;
from railroad stocks and bonds, 7,3!) 4,
000: from miscellaneous securities,
$576,695; total, in round numbers, 10,
350,000 a year. His earnings are thus
$28,000 a day, 1.200 an hour, and
$19.75 a minute.
This was a vear ago, when his wealth
was reckoned at 200,000,000. The
value of his securities has decreased
since, through the hard times. The
depression in trade has not improbably
reduced his wealt h nearly $50,000,000 but
his fortune and his income are of course
still almost fabulous. A. Y. Cor. In
dianapolis Journal.
The Force of Habit.
Colonel Beasly, who is a Justice of the
Peace and accustomed to deal with the
criminal element every day, was reclin
ing on the sofa in his palatial residence,
taking an afternoon siesta, when a
female entered and took a chair op
posite to him. Not yet fujly awake, he
imagined that he was in his oflice, for
he said sternly:
"What's your name?"
"Maria Smith."
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-six,"" replied the female,
with considerable hesitation.
"Where were you born? Don't try
to fool me. I know jour sort. How
many times have vou been punished
already? Don't think up any lies, now."
Just at this crisis Mrs. Beasly spoke
up from the adjoining room:
"Why, husband, what is the matter?
You are talking to my dear friend, Mrs.
Smith, who has come to spend a few
days with us." Texas Sitings.
"1 congratulate you, Julia, on j our
approaching marriage," said Mr. Hyatt,
a prominent New iork, merchant, to
his daughter. "Marriage, pa? I don't
know anything about it." "Iam-tell-i"g
you about it Tfcnv," replied Mr.
Hyatt. "But who is the bridegroom,
pa?" . asked Julia. "That's none of
your business. You must not have so
much curiosity. I hat is a business
secret that can not be divulged just
now. I'll let you know who he is after
the wedding is over." N. V. Graphic.
The widest shaving ever made by a
woodworking machine is on exhibition
in a store in Winchendon, Mass. It is
forty-two inches wide, several feet long
and of uniform thickness. -r Boston Post.
The young ladies of the Ontario La-,
dies' College have organized two base
ball clubs
IGNORED.
J
The Unfortunate .Experience
a News-
paper Correspondent, j .
England is often referred to jby Amer
icans as a land of tips. This is as
un
just as if an Englishman were
to refer
to this country as the land of the tipsy.
I know many instances where tips have
been refused, and one of these I always
have felt a little sore about, and think
still my English friend took a mean ad
vantage of the innocence of a strange.'
in a straugir. land. This is how it came
about. Detroit, as all the world knows,
bought an island of about eight hundred
acres with the intention of paakinga
park of it. Being in London at the
time I thought I would gather- together
a little information about thej excellent
and extensive parks of the metropolis
and senel it over to the Secretary of the
Detro't I ark C ommittee.
I was walking through the
beautiful
Temple Gardens by the Thames em
bankment with my friend, the English
man, whe.i we naturally drifted to the
subject of parks, and I said to him:
I w ant to find out what I can about
parks, to send to Detroit. How had I
better set about it?" j
"That depends on what you want to
know about them. First try and con
centrate what mind you have on the
particular class of information! you want,
then perhaps I can help you."
"I want all the information there is
on the subject. I was thinking of going
up to the British Museum reading room
ami asking the attendant td bring me
the books they have on parksj"
"That's good idea ; a brilliant idea.
When the assistants pile around you the
two or three tons of books they have on
that .subject, I suppose vou? 11 expect
your friends to get up a relief j party and
dig vou out.
"What would von do?"
Well, I wouldn't begin with all the
books the British Museum has
here are the Temple Gardens, one of
the loveliest parks in the world. I'll
introduce vou to the chief man. and
vou can interview him."
"There's Hvde Park, for
instance ;
that's a sort of typical London park
How could I lind out what I wanted to
know about that?
"Write to the Ranger.'
"I'll do that. Say. hadn'tj I better
offer him a tip of some sort? A half
crown or so? Wouldn't he answer my
letter the more readily?"
This seemed to strike my English friend
as a grand seheine. . He looked at me
with admiration, and it wasjso seldom
that I advanced any ideas that quite
met his approval that I could not help
feeling gratiiied.
"You ve got the plan at last! That
would be just the thing. Do it deli
cately, you know."- Use a l'dtle diplo
macy. Just intimate in an off-hand,
whole-souled manner" that ou don't
mind a half crown or so. and if that
don't fetch him nothing will.f' -
"I suppose a letter addressed The
Ranger of Hvde Park, London,' would
reach him all right."
"Yes, that would do."
When I rot back to the oilice I wrote:
"Knniier of Hvile Park:
"Ukah Sut 1 um desirous of ohta'ning
what information I can about Hyde Fnrk. its
eost annually, eost of construction, numhet
ol people employed, et-., and I thought per
haps you won id he srood euoufrhj to mail tne
any pamphlets that vou have in Reference to
the matter. I hull he glad to pay postage
and other ewpenses. and if you would do nip
the favor to aec-ept half a crown for jour
own trouble I shull be obliged to you.
"I have the honor to remain, sir,
"Your obedient servant.
"I.i kk Sharp."
I waited day after day but received
no reply. Every time we met my Kn
glishinan expressed surprise that the
Ranger had not jumped lit my half
crown offer. He seemed toj have told
all his friends and mine about the mat
ter. and when they met me they seemed
grieved that the Ranger had not writ
ten. They always inquired. I never
saw people so anxious to help a person
on. At last the man whoni I consider
entirely to blame, said to me, as we met
on the Strand:
"Bv the way, did it ever occur to vou
to find out who the Ranger of Hyde Park
is?'
"No," I answered.
Do
you
know
him?"
"Not personally. He is the Duke of
Cambridge, head of the British army
and uncle of the Queen." Luke Fharp.
in Detroit Free Press.
COLORADO RATTLESNAKES.
The Honn Companion of I'ruirle Dogs and
Their Knrmles. I
Occasionally by the hard baked mound
of a prairie dog's hole, the sunlight would
strike with a dull flitter on the back of
a rattlesnake, and the boys yvere never
in too great hurry to stop and kill the
"varmint" with the loaded end of a
quirt. The snakes were arrant cow
ards, always making every effort to run
away from an attack; as, however, their
very best time was never faster than a
lazy man could walk, they were never
allowed to escape. They were easily
killed, a small blow from a quirt or the
knotted end of a' lariat, stretching them
out motionless but for a faint movement
of the tail, which the cowboys claim will
not el:e until sun-down.
One Billy insisted upon stopping and
skinning one peculiarly sleek and shiny
specimen He said that a snakeskin
worn around the hat would always ward
off headache and toothache from the
wearer, and he considered it an especial
ly prudent plan to assume j this simplt
preventive at the beginning; of a round
up. Billy further assumed us that abit
into the back of a live rattlesnake would
insure a person good teeth for the resi
of his life. He was absolutely certain
about that, although he owned he had
"allers, somehow, felt agin tryin' it him
self." Billy's "pard," Sam, seemed to
express the .general sentiments of the
party when he remarked that there was
"'ots of curiousncss about inakes."
Sam sa d he alwaj-s carried a piece of
blue vitriol in his pocket at a round-up
for snake bites. If he was bitten he had
only to spit on the vitriol and rub it on
the spol to draw out all the poison at
once, liut the rest ot tne party were
disposed to hoot in derision at this rem
edy, preferring to place their reliance
on good wisky. Sam had proper re
spect for this remedy, too, but he agreed
with much naivete: "Good whisky is
hard to keep ready." Coubot, in Bos-
Con Connner 'ial-Lulletin.
'TIP'
THE SMALL BOY.
A lireezy Treatment of an . 1$ vr OUT and
Ever New Sabf X
The "small boy," aa 'a subject, is not
new; is quite moldy, in fact; nor can
he, as a problem for j solution, claim
that dcjrree of crispness withal that
jkvou'd recommend him as a novelty.
As a topic he is as old as Cam. As a
reality, however, ho is as fresh as the
newsboy who this morning will drop
his paper on your doorstep, and quietly
appropriate tbe one that was left there
a moment before, bv which transaction
he clears five cents.
No period of authentic history, so far
as known, has held the small boy in
esteem, and ancient legends are full of
suggestions derogatory to his character.
Ppgan mythology led bff by furnishing
him with bow and quiwr, and leaving
him single-handed to Work the destruc
tion of mankind. Does any one sup
pose the choice of this instrument of
confusion was mere chance? Verily it
was prophecy. From jthe day in which
a syno'.l of irreverent urchins cried after
the ascending chariot of Elijah: "Go
up, thou baldhead!" to the present
moment, when he of another race may
stand on a corner andye!l at your new
spring suit, inviting his companions to
"Git onto that rig. will ver?" his morals
and his audacity have! wen growing in
an inverse ratio. While all this i.s con
ceded to be true. there is still no diminu
tion in the production of this nuisance
and no method available for his sup
pression. In the language of Sairy
Gamp, "facts is stubborn and can't be
drove;" and if Sairy's observation goes
for anything, the small boy is the one
undeniable fact of creation.
The boy rises slowly but irresistibly
from street gamin to hoodlum, from
hoodlum to ward politician, from ward
politician to a seat in the State legisla
ture, and so on through the chapter. He
is the terror of his own family, the per
petual torment of hia neighbors, the
ever-recurring problem of a school
board that wavers between the "moral
suasion" plan and the method recom
mended by Solomon. Notwithstanding
the pompous discussions on the best
wajrT of managing, him, he remains, to
all intents and purposes, "lord of him
self," and has never seemed to consider
his condition "a heritage of woe."
The worse he grows the dearer he
becomes to Vie maternal side of the
house, for to his mother his iniquitous
deviltry seems but the prom'se of future
greatness. His father tolerates because
murder is a crime and the community
lets him live because in ten or twelve
years he will have a vote that may be
bought for a small sum.
No man has the courage to attack one
of the least of these, lest he be found
stoning some future President and
fighting his own political possibilities.
The question has been to turn his inge
nuity, his facility of imbibing impres
sions, his alertness his accuracy of
repetition into some channel where it
may cease to terrorize the general pub
lic, and be made to turn a wheel some
where in the system of social economy.
Well, the problem has been solved.
Where the higher civilization has failed
necessity has accomplished for the less
favored natives of the mountain dis
tricts. An old settler from the south
ern part of Kentucky says: Where
mothers, aunts and young married
women have work to do, that will not
admit of chaperoning their own or
other persons' daughters, the small
brother is invariably the chapcrone of
his sister. He becomes her constant
companion; goes with her to the spring,
and meditatively paddles in the branch
while she tills her bucket Her duty is
to grabble potatoes; he does not wait
to be told, but silently falls into her
wake, and s'ts on the fence, softly
whistling, with eyes bent on the hori
zon, waiting patiently for any deter
mined Locii invar that may come riding
that way. It gets to be an automatic
process "after awhile, and from the milk
ing of the cows in the morning to the
putting up of the chickens he never
lcaves her, and any love-making that is
carried oa in his presence is simply
suicide to both parties." It is further
stated by the gentleman, who is not,
however, always reliab'c, that the boy
is. furnished with a whistle made of
wood, which he blows with peculiar
intensity when when he sees any one
approaching. He is often shot at and
sometimes killed by his sister's a-lniir-ers,
but there is always an abundance
of small boys. j
The above facts are respectfully sub
mitted to - the higher class of society
whose system of chaperonage is often
lax. Its adoption j would relieve the
mothers and young married women of
a great deal of responsibility, and put
the small boy in a way to show why he
is permitted to live. ! "No young woman
whose prospects have been forever
blighted by a single jreraark of a small
brother would for one instant doubt his
value as a chapcrone. He might be
tried first at garden j parties, moonlight
picnics, and it might not be amiss to
station one behind! the door-step on
summer eveanzs.-i-Louisville Courier-
Journal.
The Prevalence of Insanity.
Dr. W. E. Sylvester, in a paper
which appeared recently in the Alienist
and Neurologist, states that twenty
years ago the number of insane per
sons in the United States was only
24,0-12. In 1870 it had reached 37,432,
an l in 1880 treatment was required for
91.9.VJ lunatics From 1870 to 1880
the increase In insanity wrs nearly loO
per cent., while that of tbe total popu
lation was abont 26, These figures dc
not, however, represent actual increase,
but during this period a large number
of insane, previously concealed, were
brought to public notice by more
thorough investigation. In America,
apart from several large county asy
lums, there are 80 State and 40 private
institutions for the care of the insane,
with a proper capacity for about
40,000, but containing 53,192, thus
leaving, probably, 45,0u0 to be cared
for elsewhere. The proportion of in
sane is greatest in New England, while
the increase has been most rapid in
the West rn States. In the State of
New York there are thirty-five institu
tions for the care of these unfortunate
people, accommodating 11,343 patients,
while it is said that there are 4,000 pro
vided for at home. N. T. Post.
The Hot Water Care.
: rV'' V9 '! RMtfir
1
There was an old cat named Maria, "
Who to Bing to high "C7" did aspire; ,
An tne miast or tier wans
Came of water two pails
Which had previously been near the fire.
Changes That a Twelvemonth Mar Itrlug;.
Somervllle Journal.
N' w the merry slelghbells Jingle,
And there's not a eirl that's single
But will make her lover take her out to ride,
riae, ride;
And he'll sit within the cutter,
Filled with bliss he cannot utter.
With bis elbow crooked around his future
bride, bride, bride.
But when she is his bride,
In a pleigh she'll never ride,
Or enrich the man who keeps the livery,
ry, ry,
But at home her husband maybe,
Will gently hold the baby.
While she blithely brews the' gladsome catnip
tea, tea, tea. ;
Work the First Wife Neglected.
New York Mercury. J
'You don't cook like Sary Ann used to.
Matilda," he said, in tones of gentle, exasper
ating reproof; "no, it seems to me you can't
cook like Sary Ann used to." On another
occasion it was: "You're not as smart in get-
tin' round as Sary Ann was, Matilda. You.
don't appear to ketch on where she left off.
About this time a heavy rollinz pin came in
contact with bis head.
"What do you mean by that, you vixen f
he exclaimed in agony.
Tm doing some of the work Sary Ann ne
glected," she replied, and there was much
peace lu-the family thereafter.
IJnes to Miss Terry.
rWashtngton Hatchet.
Miss-Terry-ous sorceress of the scenic stage !
Who calls thy stride spondaic, thy accents
screechy!
Thy voice is silvery soft, thy laughter merry.
Well fight the fiend who says it isn't, Terry.
We cannot call thee ours. We're sorry
very,
And "peak and pine" for rights proprie
Terry; Yet, since 'tis all in vain our grief to bury, i
We fain would seek forthwith some semi
Terry. Londou LSall Faahions.
The Suakim costume.
The Modern Milkmaid.
I Harper's Bazar.)
The elegant, tftlod Sir Thomas Haut Ton
Fell in love with the only fair daughter
Of an oleomargarine maker, and won
Her affections by swearing, his honor upon, '
That he never would have any but her.
Alas I he repented the pun at hia earn.
They were wed, and, as ishe had tbe dollars.
He must smile when addressed as "My Lardn
or "Your Grease."
When a daughter came, even, the joke didn't
cease,
But they marked Margar-ine on her collars.
Klght Yet Wrong.
Drake's Traveler's Magazine.
"Am I on the right road to the village P
demanded a traveler of an old darky who
was working In a field.
"Yaas, sah," said the darky.
The traveler pursued his way, but presently
returned very mad.
"I say," he shouted to the old fellow, "what
did you mean by telling me that 1 was on the
right road to the villager
"I tol' yo' de truf, 'deed I did, boss," replied
the darkey, "but yo' tuk de wrong dirckshun,
sah."
More Accurate Than Tollte.
Cleveland Leader.
An engraver's mistake lately caused the
bride's parents to say on the cards: "Mr.
and Mrs. respectfully requests your
presents at the marriage of their daugh
ter," etc
Boston Post: When a man stays down at
his office until midnight trying so strike a
balance he generally loses It before he gets
home.
a. i m x - e .r