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VOL. V.
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, AUGUST 29, 1884.
NO. 4.
y fa n
A U 1V1
LITTLE GIFFIN.
Dr. Frank Ticknor.
Out of the focal and foremost fire,
Out of the hospital's walls as dire;
Smitten of grape-shot and gangrene,
(Eighteenth battle and he sixteen!)
Specter, such as you seldom see,
Little Giffin of Tennessee.
"Take him and welcome," the surgeons said;
"Little the doctor can help the dead!"
So we took him. and brought him where
The balm was sweet in the summer air,
And we laid him down on a wholesome bed
Utter Lazarus, heel to headl
We watched the struggle with bated breath
Skeleton boy against skeleton Death.
Months of torture, how many such !
Weary weeks of the stick and crutch.
-;, And still a glint of the steel-blue eye
Told of a spirit that would not die.
And did not; nay more, in Death's despite
The crippled skeleton learned to write:
tlVar Mother, at first, of course, and then
uV? Captain," inquiring about the men.
f-gtain's answer: "Of eighty-five
. imn and I are left alive."
Word of gloom from the war one day:
"Johnston is pressed at the front," they say.
Little Giffin was up and away;
A tear his first as be bade good-bye,
Dimmed the glint of his steel-blue eye.
Til write, if spared f ' There was news of
tne ngbt,
But none of Giffin he did not write.
I sometimes fancy that were I King
Of the princely Knights of the Golden Ring,
With the song of the minstrel in mine ear,
And the tender legend that trembles here,
I would give the best on his bended knee,
The whitest soul of my chivalry,
For Little Giffin of Tennessee!
SUNDAY NIGHT IN CHINATOWN.
ruing In Mott Street Which Strike
the Stranger as Enigmatic.
Ntw Yoik Sun.
One of the liveliest places in New
York on a Sunday evening is the lower
part of Mott street, from Chatham np
to Park. It is lively with a life that
is an enigma to the stranger.
From nightfall till nearly midnight
the sidewalks, the stoops, and the steps
leading to the basements swarm with
Chinamen. It seems as though all the
Chinese in the city were gathered
there. The buildings on each side of
the street are occupied almost ex
clusively by Chinese tenants, who are
shy of inquisitive sightseers, and keep
their blinds and shades pretty closely
drawn. The street is never bright
with lights, but its nearest approach to
brightness is on Sunday evenings.
Then it has a kind of holiday appear
ance. There are two or three buildings
in the upper stories of which festivities
of some kind appear to be going on.
Strange noises come from the windows
noises like the clashing of cracked
cymbals, the piping of toy fifes, and the
clatter of unstrung snare drums. For
all that can be heard in the streets,
these ridiculous noises are made sol
emnly and for some grave purpose ; no
sound of the human voice reaches the
ear. The rooms rin -which these things
are going on are brightly lighted. All
the stores are open and rows of China
men, standing around, line the walls.
The stranger can look through the
window of a basement and see a Chi
nese barber shaving one of his country
men. The victim winces, but takes his
punishment as something which must
be endured.
Almost without exception the China
men are Cantonese. Nine-tenths of
them wear the dress of their native
country. Square-crowned felt hats
seem to be considered the correct
thing. In some of the stores the mer
chants are so different from the other
Chinamen that they seem like repre
sentatives of another race. They are
the solid men of ChJiatown. They
look as the mandarins on tea chests
would look if draped in the less elabor
ate garb of commercial life. Their
clothing is of fine texture, and it was
evidently made with great care. Long
ago the Chinese abolished buttonholes
the tailor's friend, as the moth is the
furrier's friend. A curiously constructed
"frog1 and catch serve as buttonhole and
button. Fashions do not change, cloth
fabrics are lasting, and the rich Chinese
merchant s outer garment endures for
years upon years. These autocrats of
Chinatown are seldom seen outside
their pla es of business. An agreeable
combination of spicy odors pervades the
atmosphere of their stores.
The Chinamen who make a holiday
of Sunday night seem to be very much
occupied. The swarms around the
doors are engaged in interested talk.
The men hurry out of basements
and disappear in the entrances f torn
stoops. .Evidence of the Chinese ad
miration for labyrinthine arrangement is
shown at nearly every basement door
which leads not into any room, but into
a narrow passage that runs parallel
with the sidewalk. Within the door
the view is cut off by a turn in the pas
sage. Some of these places are gam-
thl4n? rooms or opium resorts, or both
wr-nioined. There isn't another place
in N ew York where half as many persons
can be seen about on a Sunday evening,
where it is not possible to find the side
entrance to a bar-room ajar not far
away. The stranger naturally falls to
conjecturing what the attraction can be
that thus draws so many Chinamen to
Chinatown, and occupies them till mid
night. There are always curiosity seekers
strolling np and down the sidewalks.
The Chinese do not appear to see them.
Hoodlums go through the street in
small mobs, and the Chinamen bear the
infliction philosophically. Now and
then a couple of young women with
faces of wax-Ike pallor, hurry along
the sidewalk. The stranger says to
himself that they are opium fiends,
going to hit the pipe at some joint.
Ten to one they are shop girls go:ng
home from a stroll on the Brooklyn
bridge.
Belgian Literary Prize. -
Paris Figaro.
The king of the Belgians has regu
larly offered every year for the last ten
years a prize of $5,000 for the best
work on some subject of general inter
est, the greatest latitude of choice be-
the work came within the sufficiently
comprehensive category of "ccuvres
d'intelligence." During the whole ten
years the prize has only been awarded
ence.
Marguerite de Valois: Hypocrites
hide their defects with so much care
that their hearts are poisoned by them.
ON A COLD TRAIL.
Chicago Tribune. .
A tall woman leading a child by the
hand alighted from a Western train
three days ago at the Union depot on
Canal street. Her complexion was
brown, her cheeks were high and pro
jecting, and her hair was jet bl k. She
was plainly dres- ed, and probably the
most expensive article of attire she
wore was her large, brown
varnished straw hat surrounded by a
puiple feather. As she looked around
the station wonderingly, and her. little
boy at her side clung half frightened to
her dress, it was easy to see sue was a
stranger to Chicago. Approaching one
of the men around the depot, "he asked
several questions, shook her head
gravely once or twice, and then with
downward head, as if she were in tears,
led her boy slowly np the stairway to
Canal street, where she stood for a few
minutes gating alternately to all points
of the compass.
"That seems to be a kind of hard
case," said the depot-hand whom she
had been questioning. "She has come
with her boy all the way from Pawnee
City, Neb., and if it hadn't been for the
kindness of the other passengers on the
cars she would have been dropped
somewhere on the road long before she
reached Chicago, because she started
without money or ticket, and, I dare
say, for that matter the pair
hadn t a morsel of grub be
tweeu them. . lou see. this is
how it is. She is a half-breed In
dian, and married a white man a la
borer on the railroad. When the man's
job was finished he deserted her and
her child and left her penniless. She
learned from some of the other labor
ers that he had gone off to Chicago,
and without knowing anything about
Chicago, except that it was a pretty big
Tillage somewhere in the east, she
silently went home, dressed herself and
her boy, and boarded the first train to
this city.
"The conductor was telling me all
about her. When he asked her for her
ticket she looked scared and said she
hadn't any, but if he wouldn't take her
along to Chicago she and the boy
would just step out and walk walk,
mind you, to Chicago from Nebraska.
Y ell, th:s kind of staggered the con
ductor, who began to question her. She
said she was going to find her husband,
whose name was Thomas, and that she
didn't expect there would be any dif
ficulty in finding him, as he would
probably be working among the other
laborers on the new track at Chicago
You tee, she thought Chicago was some
village where the railroad was going to
be laid for the first time. Well, the
conductor, a kind-hearted fellow,
didn't like to turn her off
the cars and he went among the
other passengers and told them how
the squaw, as he called her, was going
to take a walk to the tillage of Chi
sago' to find her husband, who had
skipped out and left her alone with
boy. The word was passed around and
in half an hour Mrs. Thomas had not
on'y her fare paid, but a few dollars
over to get her food on the trip and still
leave hr some money to get along with
in Chicago for a day or bo anyhow. For
two days she sat in the car, sneaking to
nobody and staring blank in front of
her, and it wasn t until the third that
she ventured to ask the conductor if she
wasn't going out of her way and
mightn't have passed Mr. Thomas on
the road. There goes the 'squaw' and
papoose now, along side the fence up
there," concluded the depot-man, "and
I expect they'll have a time of it before
they chance upon Mr. Ihomas in the
streets of Chicago.
The same night the guests of a small
hotel on South Canal street were
thrown into consternation by singular
awakenings, and at breakfast next
morning they exchanged Btories about
their experiences towards the witching
hour of midnight. One said that he
was sound asleep in bed when he found
himself grabbed by the feet. By the
dim light he thought he beheld a giant
tugging at the bedclothes and heard a
sepulchral voice saying: "You are my
husband: you come with me. An
other said that in his room there were
throe fellows sleeping, when all of a
sudden they were awakened by being
pushed and hauled about. They
sat up simultaneously and asked,
"What in thunder is the mat
ter?" and a voce replied,
"Which of you mans is my husband?"
All in turn condemned the specter
roundly for its intrusion, and it glided
away with a kind of grunt; but a few
seconds afterwards they heard a series
of yells, and the clerk of the hotel came
tearing down the corridor with a wild
looking woman at his heels. He was in
his night clothes. She caught him by
the hair and he yelled again. She
pulled him under the kerosene light.
He begged wildly for mercy. Gazing
steadily into his face for a few . mo
ments she pushed him away from
her with a gesture of disgust
and said, "You aint no the man
I want." By this time the whole
hotel had been aroused, and a crowd of
half-dressed people came out of their
rooms into the halls to . see what the
matter was. The tall woman with phe
nomenal strides swept past them all un
til she came opposite a stout-built, middle-sized
man with shaggy black whis
kers and a pair of Canton cotton
drawers, who was standing in one of
the doorways. Clutching him frantic
ally around the neck, and then sliding
down to the ground until she caught
him by the knees, she called out: "Oh,
Thomas, I got you! I knowed I'd get
fou, Thomas! Oh, Thomas, don't never
eaveyour poor wife and baby no more
your poor babv, Thomas your poor
little baby, Thomas!"
In the meanwhile the man addressed
as Mr. Thomas recovered from his first
astonishment, gave a whistle, and then
said in a tone of the most ineffable dis
gust, " Wal, IH be doggoned ! Shoot
me if 'taint the squaw!"
Next day Mr. Thomas and his wife
and child took tickets back to Pawnee
City. It appears that after leaving the
Union depot Mrs. Thomas wandered
southward a long distance, asking peo
ple here and there whether they could
tell her where Mr. Thomas was. She
happened to meet an elderly man to
whom she told, in pathetic broken Eng
lish, the story of her desertion; and he.
though impressed with the ap
parent hopelessness of her search,
resolved to accompany her to
some of the hotels in the
neighborhood, as he knew the locality
to be a great resort for railroad men.
He examined hotel-book after hotel-
book for the name of Thomas, and at
last he found one which did contain
that 8ismature. After asking the clerk
some questions about Mr. Thomas and
communicating the results to Airs
Thomas she never said a word nor
moved a muscle, but went up to the
desk and engaged a room for the night.
Shaking hands with her friend, she
and her child went to the room she
had paid for and remained there
so auietlv that the clerk had forgot
ten all about her until he was
roused at midnight and chased down
the corridor by a woman whom he took
to be a veritable maniac. I he half
breed lady from the west had taken
the usual "method of cornering her hus
band by arousing every man in the
house until she found the one she
wanted. In her simple way she had
argued that Mr. Ihomas, caught with
his day-clothes on, might run away
and leave her again, but that Mr
Thomas, cornered in his night-clothes,
would be a very different person to deal
with ; and she was right, for he neither
attempted to run away nor to deny
that he was the missing husband and
father.
The Unconscious Flirt.
W. M. Donnelly in Texas Sif tings.
The unconscious flirt is a frank, gen
erous, warm-hearted girl; young, im
pulsive, and with little knowledge of
the world. If she likes you, she lets
you see it very plainly. She does not
love you, nor has it ever entered her
head to marry you. You are a man oi
the world, and at once, not understand
ing the girl's simple nature, you con
clude that she has either fallen in love
with you, or is a most consummate flirt.
So she is a flirt, but one of the uncon
scious kind.
Another unconscious flirt is the girl
who wants to convert you. She is sc
earnest, so pleading; her soft blue eyes
look so tenderly into yours, as she lays
her hand upon your arm and urges her
cause, that, if your heart is free, it is in
serious danger.
A third variety of the unconscious
flirt is she who blushes and looks down
when she meets you. She draws her
hand from yours hurriedly. Her voice
falters when she speaks to you, and if
left alone .with you by any chance, she
makes some excuse to get away. And
yet you sometimes catch a tender ex
pression in her eyes as she looks at you,
that proves it is not dislike that causes
avoidance. You draw your own con
clusions, and are perhaps led to love
the girl unawares. Then comes a pro
posal, followed by refusal, bitterness of
heart, and disappointment; and for ever
after you regard the girl as a flirt.
The simple fact was, she had been told,
or in some was led to believe, that you
were in love with her. She liked you,
but would not marry you, and hence
her avoidance and the pity you mistook
for love.
lilt First Oflensc.
Texas Siftinga
"Guilty or not guilty?" asked an
Austin justice of the peace of a colored
culprit, who was accused of stealing a
whole line full of linen.
"Dat ar 'pends on you, jedge. Hit's
for you to say."
" You must either plead guilty or not
guilty. I have nothing to do with it."
"Yes, you has. If you is gwineter let
me off with nuffin but a reprimand, like
you did las' time "
"Well, suppose I do let you off with
a reprimand, as I did last time?"
"In dat case I pleads guilty to six
shirts, foah pilly slips, and about a
dozen udder pieces."
"But I'm not going to let you off so
easy."
"Den, ef yer is gwineter sock it ter
me, I'll gib a li'ar one ob de shirts, and
we will try this case by a jury."
"All right. I'll enter a plea of not
guilty."
This did not seem to suit the culprit
very well, for he spoke up :
"I say, boss, I don't keer to put de
court and de sheriff to trouble on my
account. Jess lemme off ag'iu wid a
repriman', as you did las' week, on ac
count ob hit being my fust offense, and
I'll plead guilty ter five chickens I
pulled las' week, an' a ho,; I stole las'
winter, an' a pair ob shoes from de
store, and a wood-pile I'se gwineter haul
off to-night."
Europe's Slow "Pauper Labor."
St. Louis Republican.
A man will accomplish twice as much
in an average lifetime, in this country, as
anywhere in the Old World and this
is true of men in all positions, the
lawver in his office, the physician in his
chaise, the mechanic in his shop, and
the operative in the mill.
An American workingman who re
cently returned to Pittsburg from a
visit to England expresses his surprise
at the comparatively small amount of
work done by laborers in that country.
They move slowly and leisurely, they
take their time about everything and
seem never in a hurry all in striking
contrast with the fierce, unsparing
vehemence ith which men pursue their
vocations in this country. There is no
doubt that Americans overdo them
selves. They accomplish as much in-
iside of 50 years of age as Europeans ac
complish inside of 70; and if life were
measured by the amount of work done.
our people are the longest lived in the
world. One reason for this is the im
mense amount of work to be done in
this country, and the comparatively
small number of skilled persons to
do it.
Landor : A little praise is good for a
shy temper. It teaches it to rely on
the kindness of others.
The mince pie grace th the festive board,
Masking its juices rare,
And the mouth of our baby waters the while
lie viewetn tne treasure tnere.
The doctor smileth a wan, sad smile,
Ana neavetn a crocodile moan :
And the marble man goeth into his yard .
And polisnetn up a stone.
And the undertaker mournfully asks:
"What will bis measure be?'1
While the sexton labels a spot "reserved"
Under a wuiow tree.
New Orleans Tnes-Democrat
THE GERMANS OF PENNSYLVANIA.
In the Magnificent ValleysFamily
Names of the Old Stock.
"Oath's" Letter.
In Pittsburg and its vicinity are about
30,000 Irish, 15,003 English ana 40,000 native
Germans. Pennsylvania is the great prolific
hive of the well-mixed American races.
The natural increase of the German-derived
people iu that state is enormous, and con
sidering the number imported at a corn para
tively recent period, they have probably in
creased much faster than tbe New England
stock. The Pennsy vania Germans only be
gan to arrive at the beginning of the
eighteenth century, and they continued to
come till the beginning of tne Kevolutionary
war. The New England races came in from
the first third of the seventeeth centurv, and
they had numerous centers of population and
interest at that time much superior to
Pennsylvania. -
The Germans were fortunate enough to get
into the magnificent valleys of Pennsylvania
and to understand the cultivation of the lime
stone, and so they have slowly advanced on
ward by natural lines, keeping down the val
ley into Maryland and Virginia and overflow
ing it into the lap of Maryland, and taking
up the smaller limestone valleys toward tbe
main Allegheny, and this old class of Ger
mans, unlike the more recent Germans, who
came in during the intestinal commotions of
Germany, adhered to the southern side in the
war. Atzerodt, one of the assassins with
Wilkes Booth, was of the old stock, and al
though he spoke broken English, was born in
this country. I think Imboden, one of the
Confederate generals, was also of this blood.
It is both refreshing and depressing to look
into these old German towns of Pennsylvania
and see how like Europeans they take up
their little pursuits, find meat for living in
the small range of their experience, and pre
sent an extraordinary contrast to the more
energetic races we have. Among the names
you will recognize as characteristic of this
old stock are Heintzelman, Ritteuhouse,
Bookwalter, Hartraoft and Menhelenbarg.
In the higher ranges of professional life and
m the highest honors it is seldom that old
Germans of unmixed blood are found. I
think that not one of them has ever been on
the supreme bench, though Justice Miller
probably derives his name from an old Ger
man family. Abraham Lincoln is believed
to have had some of this stock in him, and if
so, it would account for his mingled steadi
ness and humor. The acquisition of money
is very characteristic of this race, and,
though not many of them become famous in
finance, they are generally a well-to-do race.
Doj Trains In Idaho.
Cor. San Francisco Chronicle.
During the day of my arrival I saw a few
men sweating under the labor of pulling two
sacks of flour on a toboggan, and several dog
trains. These dog trains are amusing, if not
admirable, as means of transporting freight.
They are made up of Indian dogs, collies,
mongrels, scrub yelpers, Newfoundlands, and
mastiffs, with now and then a bulldog. The
driver goes behind and urges them on with
snowballs, now and then finding it necessary
to go forward and make a lazy cur work up
to his collar by giving him the bight of a
packing-ropa. Poor brute! Probably it is
his only bite of any kind for many hours. I
asked one dog-team man what he fed to his
dogs, and he said :
"Tallow and Indian meaL"
"Are they trained?"
"No; we pick up all sorts of dogs and work
them in very soon by putting a good dog on
the lead."
"Do they never balk?"
"No: dogs is the biggest fools in the world,
while they is tbe sagaciousest animals. Why,
when them dogs near about pull their toe
nails off comin' up a steep hill, they bark out
their delight when I go np and pat them on
the head and call them 'good dog.' Horses
nor no other animals won't be fed on such
taffy. Why, these dogs will s nd it to be
cussed for miles and then be tickled to death
at a pat on the head."
So he rattled on about the dogs. The mer
chants say the dog teams spoil goods like the
mischief. They are all the time tipping over
and rolling them around. The latest method
of packing bas been developed to-day. Two
fellows came into camp with two sticks and
a crosspiece, upon which were piled flour
sacks and bacon, tbe ends of tbe sticks rest
ing upon the shoulders of the carriers. The
days of the toboggan are pretty much ended.
There is snow enough, but it is not evenly
enough distributed to be of any use. The
toboggan has loomed up during this Cceur
d'Alene excitement, and has found its way
into literature to a remarkable extent. The
men who have been most intimate with it
will cuss the toboggan for the re limit - -of
their lives.
The Mexican People.
Chas. A. Dana in N. Y. Sun.
Tbe population of Mexico is commonly
estimated at nine or ten millions. No census
has been taken, but this estimate is probable
not exaggerated. The great mass of the
inhabitants are Indians, and in race and
habits they are similar to the Pueblo, Zuni,
and Navajo Indians of New Mexico and
Arizona. They are generally small in stature,
sober, honest, industrious, temperate and
intelligent. A more valuable peasantry can
scarcely be found. Their virtues are their
own; their vices are of European admixture.
School education has done little or nothing
for them; but of late years efforts have been
made to establish schools for their benefit.
They seem very capable of being instructed ;
and if, as we trust, there is a bright future
for Mexico, it lies in the development and
education of the native race.
The ruling classes in Mexico are maiuly of
Spanish and mixed blood. The late Pre
sident Juarez was a pure Indian, but the
number of educated people with nothing
Spanish in their origin, must be very small
indeed. Among the civil and military func
tionaries the Spanish element appeirs to
predominate; and the political usages of the
country are decidedly Spanish in tbeir
nature.
Sport at Washington.
Chicago Times.
Washington, it seems, can be made just as
much a paradise for tbe sportsmanaasit is for
the statesman. The Potomac, forty miles
below Alexandria, is famous for its ducking
shores. From the middle of November till
the 1st of May cauvasbacks, redheads, black
heads and whlstlewiugs feed on the wild
cherry beds which line the shores. The great
forests or Stafford County, Va., are alive
in the fall with wild turkeys, and the bot
tom lands along the river with quail. The
bass fishing of the upper Potomac can't be
excelled. The finest woodcock ground in the
worldvitbe glades of Garrett county, Mary
land is within a few hours' ride. A fair
day's sport is a dozen brace of as fine birds
as ever delighted the eye or tickled the pal
ate of an epicure. Blackwater, a day's ride
from Oakland, Md., is tbe greatest trout
stream south of Maine.
Iflark Twain's Revenge.
Inter Ocean.
Mark Twain now proposes to plague the
inventors of the autograph April-fool hoax
by publishing in a pamphlet all tbe requests,
with caricature portraits of the senders, and
brief biographical essays, for which the
sharp pen of Twain will be dipped in a mix
ture of vitriol and vinegar.
Kissing a senorita.
Perral (Hex.) Letter. i
"Senorita, I kiss your feet, a dios !"
This is the parting salute contained in
a note just finished to a young Mexican
friend. Of course I do not intend to
kiss her feet, but it is the proper caper
here, and I have conformed to it. Why
should I kiss Zenobia's feet, even meta
phorically ? True, I would, and perhaps
have, kissed her hand and lips, her fore
head, cheeks, and probably the back of
her neck, but, although Zenobia is a
sweet girl, I must be excused from os
culatory contact with her pretty foot,
dressed in a high-heeled and arched-
instepped gaiter. Lake all the Mexican
girls, she ij rather slouc-hy about her
hosiery, and I happened once to have
observed that her white stockings were
not of the very cleanest, and hung in
folds over the tops of her gaiters in
stead of being braced up. The appear
ance reminded me of a collapsed con
certina, and the dear girl fell 30 per
cent, in my esteem.
By the way, the senoritas have but a
faint idea of kissing the art which so
few posse -a the apacity of extracting
the most available ecstasy and I one
day offered to show a dark-eyed, raven
haired young lady how los Americanos
performed the act. She laughingly
agreed it is unnecessary for me to say
that the male members and duenna
were out of the way and I advanced
upon her; my left arm encircled her
waist, extending over the r:ght shoulder
downward; my right arm, bent at the
elbow, afforded my hand an oppor
tunity of accumulating her dimp'.ed
chin. Gently holding Lack her Lead
and throwing a look, or rather a rapid
series of ldoks of unutterable nothings
into my eyes, 1 gazed clean through
her's for a moment, and then, with a
long-drawn breath I tapped her lips. It
was a revelation to her; she quivered
visibly, but, instead of returning my
kiss, she broke away from my embrace
and ran off to lock herself up, fright
ened, pleased, but astounded. 1 was
satisfied that I had done myself and
country proud, although, to be candid,
it was merely a mechanical operation
with me, done for the sake of effect, as
I did not really care for the girl. I
think she remained in maiden medita
tion for two days, but at last I taw her,
and she told me, with a deep blush, that
she w shed she had been born an
American, to be kis ed like that.
Dynamite in Europe.
New York Tribune.
Dynamite, in fact, has put a tremend
ous power in the hands of individuals,
and has reinforced all revolutionary and
seditious tendencies enormously, mak
ing mere folly and fanaticism seriously
dangerous, and in.reasJng the natural
bent of all lawless mo ements to gather
strength as they goon. And while a
philosophy which discerns the fatuity
of international quarrels has become
widely diffused, the international pre
parations for future fighting (at least in
Europe) have never been so extensive;
so that government! engaged largely in
elaborating machineiy for wholesale
slaughter find it difficult to present the
usual front desirable to the people who
uphold the right of private warfare.
What measures can be adopted to
meet these important changes is as yet
undetermined. Governments are be
wildered, and show their perplexity
only too plainly. And though the use
of dynamite for the furtherance of po
litical or other ends may be shown to
be futile, it is evident that pure reason
will not control those who resort to it,
but that in this as in many other cases,
"the sight of means t3 do ill deeds,
makes ill deeds done." The indica
tions are that the new problem forced
upon the world by the fertility: of
modern invention will give it serious
trouble in the future.
Not Afraid of "Shakes."
Chicago Herald "Train Talk."
"My husband and I are going straight
through to San Francisco," said a middle-aged
lady to a chance acquaintance
on a Pullman car. "We mean to make
our home there in the future." " San
Francisco!" ejaculated the other; "I
wouldn't live in San Francisco for any
thing. I think it is a perfectly awful
place to live. You don't know what
minuta you are going to have a terrible
earthquake. My husband wanted : me
to go there, but 1 wouldn t go a step.
Aren't you afraid ?" "Not in the least."
Whv, it makes me shudder to think of
it, and I don't see how you can be so
calm when you are going where you are
likely to hare your house shaken down
over your head." "My dear madanie,"
replied the middle-aged lady, with a
smile, "if you had lived twenty years in
the ague swamps of Michigan, as I
have, yo. wouldn't be afraid of any of
the little one-horse shakes they have
out in California."
Learning Wisdom.
Detroit Free Press.
A Feasant who had Seven Daughters
wearing out solo leather for him went
to the Cave of a Wise Old Duffer, and
besought his Advice as to how to bring
them up.
"Marry them off as soon as Poss-ible,
and you can then Break up Housekeep
ing and go Boarding among them."
After a few Months the Jt ather lie-
turned to the Cave and his phiz had
such a Lonesome Expression that the
Wise Man cried out :
"Ah, you must follow my Advica to
learn Wisdom I
"The Trouble is that I did follow it,
but insiead of having seven places
to board around at I have seven cons-
in-law to board on me."
Moral However, the Peasant had
the Wisdom.
Puzzling to Naturalists.
Chicago Times.
Milne-Edwards, the naturalist, is giv
ing iu Paris an interesting exhibition of
submarine plants and animals found
during his exploration of the Mediter
ranean. He took soundings to the
depth of 19,683 feet, and brought up
some of the most remarttaDie organisms
. " . A 1
ever seen. They are saia 10 nave
puzzled the most accomplished natu
ralists, some of them being of such a
nature as to make it difficult to classify
them either as belonging to a botanical
or zoological species. The dredgings
wore on a large scale, samples of rock
weighing over 200 pounds being some
times brought up.
WORKINQ THE HOSPITALS.
Scheme or Burial Company's Agent
Quick Sales and Small Profits.
Chicago Herald "Meddler."
A man with a decided stoop in hia
shoulders and a pair of be'ore-the-wai
saddle-bags walked into the 6'Ece ol
the warden of the county hospital and
asked to tee the captain, "lou mean
the warden V" inquired the young man
at the det-k.
"The man that runs the whole blldin'
is what I mean," answered the visitor.
"I don't know what new-fangled name
you may have for him."'
"You want to see Mr. McGarigle,
then."
"If that's his name, that's the man."
In response to a shrill whistle up a
tin tube, which caused the visitor to
make a tighter grip on his baggage,
Warden McGarigle came in. "Is this
him ?" asked the visitor. "I want to see
you privately." The warden led th
way into his private office and the
visitor began to open the luggage.
"Cost much to run a hospital ?" in
quired the curiosity, who began to fish
in the bottom of the saddle-bags. The
warden grunted. "Sick folks lot's
trouble, ain't they ever s'ck so's you
couldn't hold up your head? Ever
hang out of the bed and feel as ef you
wanted to tare up the floor and throw
it out of the window?"
"You are very impudent. Now, what
are you driving at - what have you got
in them saddle-bags?"
"Crampers; dead sure shot."
"Crampers? What is a cramper?"
"Tell you, now that we are ac
quainted; I'm an agent for a new burial
company that's just been organized.
You know that competition is the life
of trade quick salei and small profits
a nimble shilling is . better'n a slow
sixpence three aces beats two pair.
See? Now, what we want is dead men.
Want 'em bad, too. Got to have him
in the business w're in. Mighty poor
show so far. But here here's a
cramper. . We raise 'm ; they are our
own, and are the a Ivance agents. You
take one of these crampers, size of this,
and cut it into slices the sicker the
man the smaller the slice. Man cats it,
thinks it's' a wafer dies; there's
lemme see three times four are twelve,
and three times three are nine, and one
you had left over makes ten, and four
that I forgot to count, that makes 106
don t it. Well, one of these cramp
ers that we giv,e way in Peory harvested
us 10v think of that! Of course, you
unders'and we give you these cramp
ers on condition that the company gets
to furnish the burial case. We thought
we'd work the hospitals first give you
fellows first show. This is the first
hospital I've been to in the city."
"That's a new nan.e for it," laughed the
warden, "that's a cucumber." " We can
'em crampers; they do the business.
don t they ? But I see it's no use of
wastin time with you. You look to me
like a man who didn't believe in dyin'
whi h way do I get out?
Ievotecs Durled Alive In India.
fM. D. Conway's Letter.
At last I approached a village, whose
name was given to me as Daharwanga.
It must be four or five miles from Alia-
habad. Having passed through it I
came to a sort of a common, where I
got out of my carriage and walked. I
had not mo; ed far before I came upon
a human head lying in my path on
the ground. Starting back I perceived
that this painted and ashen head,
though its eyes were closed, belonged
to a living man. the rest of his body
being buried in the earth. A small
tent had been raised over another head
farther oa to keep the sun from beating
upon him. Scenes like thete began to
multip.y. I came upon Beveral naked
bodies, apparently decapitated, their
heads being buried and the gravel
smoothed flat over them. There were a
number of children in this situation,
stretching out their hands and evi
dently expecting gifts. So li tie re
spect, however, did their young com
panions feel for those infant devotees
that they sometimes put bits of tin or
flint ttones in the hands, which were
promptly thrown away.
I came to a point where a young
woman wai just burying a child ap
parently her own up to the neck.
She indicated .to me her expectation of
pice for that performance, which, how
ever, she did not get. I perceived that
I was in some comparatively unil
lumincd spot which supplied a habitat
for the fatal self-burials once 80 fre
quent in India. The feeling stole over
mo gradually that in this uncanny
Daharwanga these half-buried children
might, not si long ago, have been
really decapitate J, even if a severe vig
ilance might not discover some horror
of the ame kinl now.
Last Stage of Boyhood.
The Proidence Journal says of the
high opinion held of himself by the
boy who-has reached 16, the last stage of
boyhood : "Tl.ere is no question of which
he has not a confident and all-disposing
judgment. Why, if we were all lti,
there would be no need of congress nor
of the supreme bench. We should each
know it all. In religion his opinions
are equally deci ive. But do not under
stand me, my friends, that in making
fun of the boy, at this or any other
period of hi life, I mean to deprecate
or discourage his aspirations? Far
from it. I would not give a penny for
the boy of 1G who did not try to be a
man.
Cured Ills Throat.
i Sanitarian.
A gentleman was suffering from an
ulceration of the throat, which at length
became so swollen that his life was de
spaired of. H's hor.sehold came to his
bedside to bid him farewell, .tacTi in
dividual . shook hands with the dying
man and then went away weeping.
Last of all came a pet ape, and shaking
the man's hand went away also with its
hands over its eyes. It was so ludicrous
a sight that the patient was forced to
laugh, and laughed so heartily that the
ulcer broke and his life was saved.
A Bad State of Affairs.
Theodore Cuyler.
Thousands of young men roallr have
no home, except the parlor of a boarding-house,
and no domestic property,
except a trunk up in a third-story bed
room.
Luxurious Living In Calcutta.
India Cor. Inter Ocean.
Sometimes you fondly imagine that
people live in the lap of luxury in
America; but Americans have no idea
of the extreme to which luxury may be
carried. Wrhen I say luxury I have in
mind personal helplessness, acquired
by long and dib'gent study. The "pal-
aces, ' which have given Calcutta its
rather too pretentious title of "City of
Palaces, are spacious, square, liat
roofed structures, usually built of
brick, plastered without. They are
plentifully supplied with broad bal
conies, are screened from the gaze of
the "common herd" (and made prison
like) by thick high walls in front, and
all their furniture and appointments
are adapted to the climate. . There are .
punkahs which coolies keep swinging "
whenever the fetate or the , weather
makes it a comfort.
Think of sleeping with a punkah
waving over you all night, operated by
a tireless coolie, es many of the wealthy
people in Calcutta do. .
Boit-looted Hindoos move noiseiessiy
along the marble ffoors, their spider
limbs concealed in respectable sirongs.
Every want is attended to before you
can get a chance to help yourself. Even
if it is so small a thing as putting on
your bat or slippers, opening an um
brella, or washing or dressing in the
morning, there is a polite attendant
waiting at your side to assist. To
an American this multiplicity of
servants is at first a nuisance.
He feels that he might at least be per
mitted to make his own toilet in
peace, and looks upon these silent but
omnipresent attendants as so many
spies. But he reflects that the ser
vant cannot eavesdrop without a knowl
edge of tbe English - language, . his
independent spirit gradually succumbs
to the climate, and he at length passes
into a languid, dreamy state of ac-
quiescencj, accepting the moot trivial
and petty services from these dusky
creatures as gracefully as though
always accustomed to them.
Keally help is so cheap here that it
seem 8 a pity not to avail yourself of a
small army of servants. I have yet to
meet a missionary family in the orient
that did not employ at leaBt three or
four, who take upon themselves tho
entire responsibility of the housework.
1 -
Spaniards at the Telephone.
Exchange.
The peremptory American method
of making telephone calls "Hello 1"
"Hello?" "Give me 1,209?" etc.
would never do in the polished Castil
ian tongue. Courtesy of intercourse
must be preserved even between invisi
ble communicants, and the unseeming
vexatiousness and petulance which the
telephone seems to provoke in Saxon
moods is never allowed to obtain utter
ance here. The regular response from
the central office to a telephone call is
"Mandeustedl" which is equivalent to
"At your command I" Then prelimina
ries are gone through something as fol
lows: "Good morning, senorita; how
do you do?" "Very well, I thank
you; what service may I render you?"
"Will you kindly do me the favor of
enabling me to speak with Don So-and-So,
No. 777?" "With much pleasure,"
etc., etc., and when tho connection is
made, the usual polite introductories
are gone through before proceeding to
the business in hand.
In Confederate Times.
A copy of The Savannah ner&Id
comes to light, bearing date of Nov. 10,
1864, in which the prices of staples are
quoted: Hour per barrel, $700; cook
ing soda per pound, $25; tea per
pound, $175; sperm candles per pound,
$60; brandy per quart, $175; per drink,
$10; corn whisky per drink, $5; apple
brandy per drink, $5; eggs per dozen,
$10 to $12; 10-cent box of blacking,
$20; Confederate-made lager beer, per
drink $3; ham and eggs, $10' meal of
bacon and rice, $10. for clothing, a
coat cost$ 2,000; pantaloons, $200;
vest, $200, and boots, $100.
Kex Ilepousse.
Life.
"What kind of a looking man was it
that called Jones a liar?" asked Mrs.
Bangle of her husband. "Oh! he as
short and stout, with blue eyes, light
hair and nez repousse "Jsez re
trousse, my dear," corrected Mrs. B.
Bepousse means hammered or
pounded." "Thank you, love," re
joined Bangle. 1 hen that is inst the
word to describe it when Jones got
done with him."
School-House Motto.
Exchange.
The venerable ex-Governor Downey,
of California, has given $S00 to furnish
a new school-house in the town of
Downey, that state, and at his sugges
tion an inscription will be placed on
its portals reading: "Order is Heaven's,
first law. Be good children, and true
to your country."
Experience of a Western Tlllkinsu.
Burlington Free Presa
A western zephyr carried a cow a
quarter of a mile through the air, and
set her down in a milkman's yard. He
was so scared that he stopped grinding
chalk, and ran four miles for a rifle to
thoot the curious-Icoking creature
with.
Unpopular Science.
Buffalo ExpreHs.
There is very little that is practical
in the so-called science of the day.
Here is Tho Popular Science Monthly
devoting pages to telling "How flies
hang on, when a bald-headed public
is just quivering to know how the pesky
things can be made to let go.
Victoria's Gloom.
London Truth says Queen Victoria
takes morbid pleasure in all ceremonies
of a mournful nature, and literally re
vels in all the undertaker s details as to
coffins, services, graves and monuments,
and she certainly does not spare her
relatives.
T.,'i;n ni-r,. . :
MUtUU I Uug xUSUQ AUWUUC9 Oil
atmosphere which the worshipers of
frenins sumriv. The orator rAmiirs an
audience: tha boet raaIir rAnnna ia
painter needs the inspiration of those
T 1 4 V I . il 1 .
wuu iuyh wo puiming; lueguu requires
an aitar.
Talmud : Teach thy tongue to say
'I do not know."