THE COLUMBIAN. Pinw.isHKn Kvkut FnrnAV, AT ST HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OH., uy E. 0. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor. THE COLUMBIAN. PVBUSHEU EVKRV FRIDAY, AT - ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR., BY E. G. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor. Subscription Hates: One j ear, in advance Six months. " Three months, " Advkktisinu Hatks : One square (10 lines) first insertion. . f 2 00 Each subsequent insertion., 100 00 ... 1U) ... 50 VOL. IV. ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, MARCH 14, 1884. NO. 32. FOR THOSE WHO FAIL. JoafluLn Miller. "AV honor to himjwbo shall wiu the prize," The world she hae cried for a thousand years. But to him who triesi, and who fails and dies I give great honor and glory and tears. Give glory and hoiufr and pitiful tears To ail who fail in their deed sublime; Their ghost are lnrtny in the van of year, They were born with time in advance of time. Oh, great is the her who wins a name. But greater many. and many a time Borne pale-faced fellow who dies in shame And lets Ood nnisb) the thought sublime. And great is the ma with a sword undrawn, And good is the man who refrains from wine ; But the mau who fais and yet still fights on, lrt, he is the twin-Jsorn brother of mine, INDIANS AT COLLEGE- Home Ulnleultiea that Jtlslit Arise In the Course f Youax !. litre. Peckfs Sun. The Indian who oes to a college will find it hard, after the life he has led. to adopt the ways of virilized college stu dents and become gazers, who practice cruelty on boys who are physically weak. You take a plain, unvarnished Indian boy, put ou. his head a visorless college cap, a collar four inches high, a tight coat, cut off too short at the lower end, a pair of pants that he would have to put French ehuJk inside of, to get his legs in, and long tooth-pick sMces w ith .yellow tops, and-give him a flf ae, and 'teach him to say, "Ah. byove, yon LnV-r,." and he would "be a picture that would cause his tribe to weep, r? i the father and mother of tha ind student, thus at tire.', should gi muskrats that they tvap ajultvwjjld go to the col lege'to visit their aria, and should find him as described, and he should put his eye-glass into his eye and say. "Ah, gov ernor, glad to see you, you know ; nd madame, I am yours truly," the aged rat trapper woiild pull his gun and if be could get two of them in range he would shoot them, though he would hesitate to waste a charge of powder on a single one, while the squaw mother would wrap her blan ket around her form and go and lean against a fence And be ick. The Indian would have too much sense, uncultured though he might be, to be proud of such an outfit as a son, and instead of blessing the day that his son decided to become civilized, he would curse it. If it is deemed advisable to educate the Indian boys, let us commence at the right place, the country school, and when the Indiau has learned enough to be able to transact basines, let him go into some business that he can do, and if . he has got it in him to become a man, he will have encouragement from all decent people, but if we start him in a college, where half tha boys go because all the other places to get rid of them are closed, the Indian will come out a big-headed piece of uselessness, and w hen he gets out there will be no place good enough for him. He will be above catching rats, and the world will owe him a living. French Prepared for War. (.Courier-Journal Paris Letter. France learned a lesson from the last war, and I am told that she has since prepared herself so well for "any emer gency that in twenty-four hours she could equip and have read' for imme diate a .ion 1,200,OUO men. Every man is a soldier until the age of 40, serving five years from the ages of 20 to 21. After that every tw o years he must give twenty-eight days' service to the nation, no matter where he may te. Each man is provided in time of peace with a uniform, and he knows to what division and company he belongs, even the place of rendezvous, so that if there were a general call to arms there would be no confusion. He would simply don his military at. ire and le ready to defend his country to defend her with all his might and will, , for if there is a feeling in the Frenchman's heart, stronger than all the rest, it is "I'ainoar de la patrie" to them the sweetest and most meaning words in the language. They Knew Hint. Cincinnati Enquirer. J "Uen'lnien, I've reformed," said Dave O'Brien, the tragedian, as he staggered into Hawley's saloon yesterday after noon. "Had ter r'form 'norder to man age m' business, m' new theatre in Wes' Coventon. Lemue use yer tel'phoue?" "Certainly." was the replr. P-r-r-r-r went the bell. "H'lo, s'change, 'cect me with Moerlein's brew fry. Don' know me? I'm Dave O'Brien, the tragedian and manager. Won't connect me ? Why not V" P-r-r-r-r went the bell again, and as Dave turned away he said sadly to one ff the clerks : "Those fellers have no conf'deuce in humanature. Say I'ven't r'fornied, 'cause I want ter be co'nected with a brewery. I'm goiu' ter see 'f I can't co'trive some way to make ole rye How through a tel'phone. They'll be no need then of my man'ging a Coven ton the'tre. G'day, gen'lmen, gMay." Capturing a Widow. Arkansaw Traveler. 'I hat's jes' the way with wimmiu. My wife was the widder (Soostree afore I married her, an' the first time I ever went to see her blame ef she didn't fling a skillet over the fence at me. The neit time she llung a churn-dasher, and the uext time she flung a chip. Then she tuck up a han'ful o' leaves an' flung 'em, su' bless yer, the next time she invited me in to sop sorghum 'lasses. Oh, us men is a power in the lan'. Kool or Hypocrite. f Arkansaw Traveler. De man whut tries ter 'suade yer dat he ain't workin' fur hise'f is eider a fool er a byercrit. All men whut works, w orks for deirse'fs, an' ef da bo good men, in workin' fur deire'f da he'ps udders; any man whut doan reconnize dis is a liar an' is a heppin' hisse'f, wid de udd-r fokes lef out. t'oneernluz FunrrsN. Chicago Herald. The clergymen of Indianapolis have resolved that funerals shall be private; that there should be no public exhibi tions of deceased people, and that min isters should not be required to attend at the grave. President Villard'a Kosttaaee. New York Journal. After reporting what was to be seen during the first - attack on Charleston, S. C, Henry Viliard came north and made the acquaintance of William Lloyd Garrison and was taken to that gentleman's home in Boston and intro duced to the Garrison household as a hero and strong anti-slavery advocate. Here the young man saw Miss Fanny Garrison, a beautiful young lady, who was about completing her education in a Boston seminary. She was consid ered one of the belles of Boston so ciety, patriotic, bright, and, though quite young, thoroughly understood the causes which led to the breach between the north and the south. Mr. ViTard passed many hours in conversation with the enthusiastic maiden before e a:?ain started for the front Her vi vacious manner and winning ways had driven from his memory the early reso lution made before he sought his for tune on this side of the Atlantic, and the modest desire for a little cote in snnuv Franca with the dark-eyed girl who Lad first inspired him with the tender sentiments of love as his wife. Never in all his travels in Europe, or in any portion of the west aud south for by this Yillnrd had seen much of the world had he come in contact with' a soul which so thoroughly charmed him. He returned to the south fully de- termined to keep her foremost in his memory. When, later on, malarial fever contracted in the southern sw amp forced him again to return north he was assisted back to health by the ten der sympathies and cheering smiles ol the beautiful Boston girl. Then ho de clared his love, both to the daughter and parents, and a little later he led her to the a. tar. - Since his marriage Mr. Villard's life has been one of unusual success. To-day the once poor but am bitious emigrant youth may be found surrounded by a lovely family of chil dreu in a grand old mansion, bordered by parks and lawns, on the banks over looking the Hudson, near this city. The beautiful young eastern girl is just as charming as ever. "Where Power Kealdes in China. I London Spectator. We are often asked where, in the great empire of China, power really re sides, and we believe the best short statement is this: Subject to certain immovable customs, the emperor, in hht capacity of father of the people, can in theory give any order and can in prac tice punish with decapitation or exile any official or person who d'sobys it. He is, in all serious affairs, however, obliged to consult, though not to obev, a rather large group of princes of his . dynasty and great mandarins, who di vide the departments and the great viceroyalties among, themselves. The dynasty moreover, being foreign, is compelled to respect the army to some extent; while this army is. for financial reasons, so limited in numbers that it is difficult to garrisou the empire, and im possible to hold it down for an hour, i It is the tradition of the court, there fore, never s-erionsly to oTend either the army or the people in such a way as to provoke emeutes, more especially in Pekiu. At present the emperor is a boy, only just 12 years of age, and all real author ity belongs to the w idow of the last full grown emperor, Hien Fung who is called the empress mother of the em peror Frince Kung, Li Hung Chang, the favorite of the native Chinese, and two or three less known high officialu. They can send cut any orders they please, -and are obeyed, but they can not afford to risk the insurrections that would follow any great affront to the pride of fche people, such as the cession of Touquin would be. China, in fact, is a more v solid Turkey, with sultan, pashas, army, aud a mob sharing power in unequal degree?. As in Turkey, too, i all four are bound in the chain of a law j which can not be modified. ! The First Meerschaum Pipe. Inter Ocean. In 1723 there lived in Pesth, the capi tal of Hungary, Karol Kowates, a shoe maker, w hose ingenuity in cutting and carving ou wood, etc., brought him into contact witli Count Andrassy, with whom he became a favorite. The count, on his return from a mission to Turkey, brought with him a piece of whitish clay, which had been present- d to him as a curiosity, on account of its extraor dinary light specific gravity. It struck the shoemaker that, being porous, it would absorb the nicotiue. The experi ment was tried, and Karol cut a pipe for the count Hud one for himself. But in the pursuit of Ids trade he could not keep his hands clean, and many a piece of shoemaker's wax became attached to the pipe. The clay, however, instead of assuming a dirty appearance when Karol wiped it off, received wherever the wax had adhered to.it a clear brown polish, instead or the doll white it previously had. Attributing this change in the tint to its proper source, ho waxed the whole surface, and polishing the pipe again smoked it, aud noticed how ad mirably ami beautifully it colored, also how much more sweetly the pipe smoked after Wing waxed. The "Ya)M and Mean. Committee. Chicago Times. The committee on ways and means is considered by far the most important of the committees. It frames all tariff legislation lefore being presented for the action of the house, and to it all bills of that nature and all bills relating to the general financial condition of the country are referred. Its duty is, as indicated by the name, to look after the "ways and means" of providing the funds for the support of the govern ment. In other words, it assumes the 1 position ordinarily occupied by the hus and in the family, of ; providing the ."wherewithal" for the support of the family, while the position of wi'e is filled by the committee on appropria tions, who spend sthe money. To Capture Criminal. Detroit Freo Press. Give the commercial travelers of this country printed descriptions of crimi nals at large, w ith the assurance of a Iileral reward for capture, and no ras cal could make a journey of 100 miles by rail. MANAGERS' ENORMOUS EXPENSE What It Costs to Hrins Out a Play--Eaaentlals to Naecess--Outjro and Income. TJee Howard in Philadelphia Press. An ordinary play such as, well, take the last one brought out, "Storm Beaten," costs the management between $26,000 and $30,000 before the curtain is raised. The weekly expenses, we' will estimate, counting rent and gas and everything, at $3,500. There are seven performances during the week, count ing the Saturday matinee. ObviousPy to meet tho bare expenses these per formances must average $600. A packed house of that size will hold $1,200, but it is very rare that the ut most limit of accommodation is tested; on the contrary, an even run of $800 a night would. be considered a very fair return, and the play must be phenome nally good, such as the old "Two Or phans" or "The Banker's Daughter," to range anywhere above $1,000 a night. There are theatres iu this city, first class theatres, where plays have been put on this season costing the manage ment from $10,000 to $20,000, where the receipts have been as low down as $150; in fact, I know of one occasion when the night's receipts in one of the best-known houses in this country were but $85. You see, theatrical expense eat up money very fast, and, unless the income is in the same proportion to the outgo, the most exemplary bank ac count is very soon run to the ground. Naturally, you will agree with m that there is no fun in this sort of thing for the manager, but if I am any judge of human nature, it is quite as discour aging to the actors as to him who em ploys and pays them. Nothing is more certain than that full houses inspire good acting, and that poor houses de press the spirits, and interfere with the elan of professional actors. The selection of a play requires an unusual gift, and the man who has it is certain to succeed a hundred time6 where the manager who has it not may stumble by accident over one noticeable hit. Life is earnest, and enterprise, in dustry, perseverance, discipline are es sential to success. No phase of life can bo regarded with favor where the real operation is aptly typified in the expres sion, ",ust for the fun of it." Ecn the most uproarious low comedian who dis plays his vulgar antics iu the presence of uproarious audiences, cannot be said to do it for the fun of it. He has to give thought and study and rehearsal to everything he does and evervthing he utters, otherwise a disinH fizzle would be his sole reward. Wanted to Knew Abont Hwitehew. New York Times. A white-haired, shrill -voiced boy, about-8 years old, rode down town with his parents on the Sixth avenue elevated road. He gazed curiously at two or three up trains which whizzed by the one he was in, and in a voice that sent a thrill through every person in the car. piped out : Pa, how do these cars turn around'?' "They don't turn around, my son; when they reach the end of the line they are switched from one track to the other," answered the father sedately. "Who switches eni?" asked the boy eagerly. "Why, the engines, to be suie." "The Indian!" repeated tho ques tioner. "He must be a pretty big In dian, isn't he, pa?" "Yes, yes; don't talk so loud," said the father curtly. "Ma," queried the boy after a mo ment's pause, "does ho switch 'em the same as you and pa switches me when I don't do right?" The maternal relative reached for the boy, wiped his nose, pulled his cloth cap down over his eyes, and told him to keep quiet. The Secret of Xoble Living. X. J. Grover 5n Wi-ekly Magazine. After fortunate birth, upon which more depends tiiau upon all else, the right treatment of the body, is no doubt the grand secret of noble living. If theologians would teach people how best to treat the body, they would do more and better for the soul, than by all the systems of salvation ever preached. If good fruit is expected the tree must be of good quality and well taken care of and nurtured. The advantages of fortunate birth and rich hereditary gifts as bearing upon immortality, it the microcosmic theory is true, can" not be overestimated, and when the best treatment of the bo ly is superadded to the best birth, no limit can bo fixed to mental and spiritual attainments and power. A. B. Alcott said: "A mau cannot get far away from his grandfather." Em erson fluid and furnished the beat illus trations of its truth: "It takes two or three generations to make a gentle man." Zlganx London. Evangeli.-:. Barnes' Letter. I only yesterday discovered why Glas gow was so much like Louisville. The streets are at right angles, and there are square blocks of buildings there aa at home. To speak of a place so many "squares" distant would convey no more impression of measurement to a Lon doner than our own indefinite saying, "as big as a piece of chalk," would im part exact information as to size. There are triangles, pentagons, hexagons, rhomboids, parallelopipedous, even, but squares are few and far between. Glasgow, however, is distinguished for an extra number of parallel streets, in tersecting at right angles. The L.Iter.v Bracelet. Boston Herald. One of the novelties in London is the iiterary bracelet. It is made of twelve tiny books (silver or gold.), attached t o each other by a double chain. Each little book bears the enameled name of a favorite poet or novelist. There are also musical bracelets of the same model, only they, of course, have tho names of operas or composers. Ready for the Xext. Cincinnati Enquirer. In rebuilding Rochester, Minn., they are mindful of the tornado that recently devastate the town. They are making strong done vaults in the collars, large enough to eontaio a family and strong enough to withstand any tornado. A Word for the Undertaker. St. Paul Pioneer Press. Yet the undertaker and his assistants are generally a cheery set, who laugh hard sometimes, if not loud, and grow fat amid their ghostly surroundings. And this is not merely habit, but nat ural adaptation ; the undertaker naaei tur non fit and his birthright is a dis tinctiveness that cannot be mistaken. He is of a medium height, slight bent in the shoulders as befits a man who bears the burden of the world's griefs, inclined to pallor, perhaps, but with a countenance expressive of good diges tion, well-dressed in dull colors, and stepping noiseless as a ghost. He is never young and seldom old ; the latter 18 the sexton's characteristic. He is a connoisseur in dress, and knows to per fection the proper tie and the fit of sable gloves. Yet, though following a business seemingly so depressing and hardening, he is at heart kind and ten der to a thought. If he seems rude and unthinking, it should be remem bered that custom and philosophy have combined to teach him that lie deals only with the useless human clay. To funeral etiquette he pays a ready deference, but it is to the saddened family, not to the inanimate form. His business is strictly business, and he never forgets it. He prepares the corpse for burial and solemnly conducts it to its last . resting place, a sincere mourner on general principles. Or ho is called ' to the house of the grief stricken -family, where he deftly and perfectly A manages all arrangements, provides the carriages an 1 often the clergyman, preserves the reckless Jehus in sober decency, conducts tho funeral to the grave and gives character to the ceremonies. If he does not grieve, he appreciates the sorrows of others and insures it fitting respect and indulgence. Or perhaps the remains are to be shipped to waiting friends abroad ; he oversees details, procures the passage and attends to the embarkation, making even the proverbial baggage-smasher yield to his solemn mein the while. Give him credit for his skill and kindness. r'reneh Landscape Peculiar. Paris Cor. Globe-Democrat There is something peculiarly indi vidual about French landscape that quite distinguishes it from any other I have had the pleasure of viewing. In passing through Scotland I could see that the hilly portions of the eastern states might with a few modifications present abont the same appearance with hedges instead of Virginia fences, sid fields, meadows and woodland cleared of all stones, stumps and under brush. In the southern portion ; of Englaud I could see one of our w estern prairies cut up into small portions highly cultivated, and the American frame house turned to -stone; in other words, it may be considered, to repre sent our own land many centuries hence. But as soou as we reach France we feel that we are in a strange bat friendly land, inhabited by an entirely different race of men. Just wherein the differ ence lies one can scarcely tell an artist's brush would seem inadequate to the task. A brighter green would bo needed for the grass and foliage, a clearer sky must needs be painted, and if possible a more brilliant sunshine than in home landscapes. Then a som bre grayish color would come in play to portray the queer-shaped mortar houses and a dark brick color for the lines of the roof. The view would need to be cut up in small portions, now by green hedges, now by . more forbidding walls. The whole must have a "made'' look, with scarcely any trace of nature's waywardness, as if century upon cen tury generations of men had occupied the same ground, tilling over and over again the same soil, sheltered by the same houses, until the time when all this country was either swamps or vir gin forests, inhabited by warlike Gauls, would seem to date back way into pre historic times. loe'a Peculiar Pluck. Harper's Magazine. 1 An intimate friend from boyhood of Edgar Allan Poe says he never saw him smile in his life. As a bov aud voting man he was retiring and made f w friends. He was strong, and devoted to all sorts of athletic games, abont which he went in a serious, determined way, as in all things else. His melan choly and peculiar ways were iu keep ing with his writings. Once at school a big boy got his head under his arm, and was giving him a terrible beating, until bystanders freed him. While the leat ing was in progress Poe kept perfectly still and endured it, bing of an endur ing, tough physique. Ou emerging, he remarked that he had det; rnvned to wait until the fellow got exhausted, when he meant to pummel him once for all just like his usual notions of proceeding. He was courageous, though he never sought difficulties. Plant Pceulirrltle. Exchange. A Norwegian botanist states that most plants in high latitudes produce larger and heavier seed than in regions nearer the equator an effect which he ascribes to the prolonged inlluence of sunlight during the summer days iu high latitudes. In some cases the dif ference of seed development is aston ishing. Dwarf beans taken from Christiana to Drontheim less than four degrees farther north gained more than GO per cent, in weight; and thyme from Lyons when' p'anted at Drontheim showed a gain of 71 per cent. The leaves also of most plants are larger aud more deeply colored in higher latitudes. The same is tr.ie of flowers, and many which are white in southern climates become violet in the far north. Abont Angel. Boston Budget, j The other day a 4-year-old girl was looking at the "pictures o two angels which her mother had given her. "Where do angels live?" said s'ie. "in heaven," was the answer. "Do they ever comedown here?" "Vts.V "What for?" "Oh, to see little boys and grls behave themselves." Then do thev go back and tell?" "I believe so." Here there was a pause,. a' d th,el:ttle lassie continued: "Well, who washes their faces and curl their hair, Moses or Abraham?" A VICTIM OF HEREDITY. Twat Better to Part Than to Commit an Error Eternity Alone Could Ef- fee. j . ; Chicago Tribune. ; "Good-by, McNulty." ! The tall, lissome form of Esmeralda V. Perkins was sharply outlined against Vivian McNulty's left" ear as he stood that beautiful June evening in tb.e door way of Brierton villa, hoping j against hope, And hoping that something he knew or cared not what might occur to sweep from the horizon of his life the awful sorrow that was hanging over it like a pall a sorrow that would make every day an eon of misery, every word of joy that others might utter a knell of despair. j j . , ' "Good-by, McNulty." 1 : -For an instant the man couldLnot re ply. He had not felt such a shock since meeting his father iu the giddy whirl of a poker game and going home with uothing but a contrite heart and a lead Sncil to show for his month's wages, e still held Esmeralda's hand in his, and the girl was looking up to him with eyes that were tearless now, but in their depths there was a look of frozen hor ror, a my-bustle-has-got-loose ! expres sion that pierced his very soul. , And when he asked for an explanation of her words not demanded it as a right, but pleaded for it as a favor j-she had only shifted uneasily on to the other foot and bust into a storm of sobs-, j "I can only tell you," she murmured, when finally his agonized entreaties had moved her to speech, "that our marriage would render your life one of constant misery; that it is better we should part now than commit an error which eternity alone could efface, j You will never know how I love you, Vivian never know the dreadful agony that this separation is causing me. God knows I would greet death w ith smiling face and outstretched arms to-morrow now that you are lost to mo forever, for what is life without your love,! and presj ence, and kisses, but an unceasing tor ture? If I loved you less, if your love were not enshrined in my j heart as something to be worshiped evermore, I would not take this step. It was wrong, very wrong, I know, to allow this love to overmaster my whole being, but it is better to wreck one life than two, and so again I say 'good-by'" and, lifting her pure, sweet face to his, Esmeralda kissed him gently on the lips and turned to go. ; "Stop !" exclaimed Vivian in an im perious, whoa-Emma manner. "I pleaded with you for an explanation, but now I demand it. It is my right," and, drawing himself up proudly, he broke his left suspender. j ; . "You-speak truly," replied; the girl. "An explanation of my action is due vou. Jnow, 4Jien, that 1 am a victim of heredity.: . "Of what?" asks Vivian. "Of hereditv," repeats the girl. "In what respect?" he demands, his voice hoarse with agony. j "I have," says the girl, steadying her self against the piano, "inherited my father s snore. 31 ark Twain on Fred. Ooaslass. Washiugton Letter. j : I had recently placed in my hands a copy of a letter written by Mark Twain indorsing Fred. Douglass for the position 'of marshal for the district. It is a very characteristic letter, and as it has never bee a published I give it. i Hartford, Jan. 12, '.881. Gen. Garfield Dear Sir: Several times since your election, people wanting office have asked me to "use my influence" with you in their behalf. To word it in that way was such a pleasant compliment to me that I never complied. I could not without expos ing the fact that I hadn't any influence with you, and that was a thing which' I had no mind to do. It seems to me that j it is better to have a good man's flattering estimate of my influence and keep it than to fool . it away w ith trying to get him an office. But when my brother on my wife's side Mr. Charles J. Langdon, late of the Chicago convention desires me to speak a word for Mr. Fred. Douglass, I am asked to "use my influence," consequently I am not risking anything. ; So I am writing this as a simple citizen. I am not drawing on my fuud of influence at all. A simple citizen may express a desire with all propriety in the matter of a recom mendation to office ; so I beg permission to hope that you will retain Mr. Douglass la his present office of marshal of the District of Columbia ; if such a course will not clash with your own prefereneea or with the expediences and interests of your administration. I offer the petition with peculiar pleasure aud strong desire, because I so honor the man's high aud unblemished character, and so admire his brave, long crusade for the lib erties and elevation of his race. He is a per sonal friend of mine, but that is nothing to the point, for his history would move me to say these things without that,! and I feel them, to . j With great respect I am, general, yours truly, S. L. Clemf.ns. i Emigration Facilities. San Francisco Chronicle. The question of transportation was once a serious one. But the very necessities far re lief from the overcrowded condition of the country have solved it by an increase of facilities in proportion with the demand for outlet. It is easier this year for 500,000 emi grants to reach America from Europe than It was forty years ago for 50,000. They travel at less cost and in much better i condition. The Suez canal is rapidly extending the like facilities for emigration to Australia, Cape Colony, New Zealand, and the Panama canal will extend them to the whole Paciflo coast from Cape Horn to Alaska. There, has been uo time since the first steamship crossed the Atlantic distinguished by greater activity in construe ion of new steam vessels t An the present. Men past the middle age w.il live to see'this kind of transportation by sea as lively between the old world and Buenos Ayres, Sydney, Cape Town, Melbourne and Auckland as it now is with the Atlantic ports of the U tited States. ' ; ; Odor or RuMoiaii Money. Mr. Sala says a blind man might tell the different denominations of Russian notes by using his nose to determine their value; the rule being, the lower the value the "louder" the smell. A 100 ruble note will be redolent of patchouli, jockey-club, or some equally fashionable perfume, while the single-ruble note usually reeks of tallow or coarse to bacco. Inter Ocean: No matter how long a maa mj have. leen called Bill, be rises to the diguity of William when he comes in for 1100,000. There is a good deal of liftlo money. Women's Wages in liondon. London Telegraph. "And what do these poor creatures wok at?" I asked; "the women, I mean, whose husbands go out every day to get work at the docks, and who in so many cases return at night empty handed?" The pastor was nothing if not practical. "Whatdo they work at? Look here." He went to the corner of his study, . and- in another second had covered a .table with various arti cles of clothing- from a pair of men's moleskin- trousers to a smart little out-of-door trimmed hat for the well-to-do baby. I was asked to examine a E air of moleskin trousers as stiff as a oard, lined with soft downy material from end to . end, and provided with seventeen buttons and the accompany ing button-holes all stitched. These trousers are supplied to the women with the two main seams already stitched by the sewing-machine, and what do you think the middleman or sweater can offer for the lining, stitch ing, buttoning, and buttpn-holing of this nice, smart pair of moleskin trous ers? Actually he. can offer two pence farthing a pair ! and a woman, by working her fingers to the bone when in good health, can make four pairs in a day, and earn tenpence thereby. The trade has positively lowered the price of moleskin trousers-making; or, rather, the poor in desperation have competed against themselves, and. cut their own throats. The price for a pair of moleskin trousers used to be twopence halfpenny, but one day some wretched, poverty-stricken seamstress went to the sweater and said : "For G od's sake, times are so bad that if you promise to give me a lot to do I will do them for 2J pence a pair." From that moment the price of moleskin trousers went down in the sweating ; market. Lawn-tennis aprons! Well, the young ladies look very smart in them at sum mer time, and they are associated with holiday time and merriment, with laughter and kind faces,. Do some of the young ladies know that the . maker of a very pretfy and fanciful one only gets 3 farthings for it, aud that she can only earn, w hen the joyous game is in full swing, 18 pence a day. Baby's hat! Who does not know the look of baby's hat, : so crisp and crimp and over trimmed, the tiny head-dress of leghorn, adorned with cream-white puffs of rib bon. How many mothers who crown the brows of their first-born with the be-ribboned bit of finery know that the w oman who slaved at it received 5 pence halfpenny for her trouble, and that she may consider . herself lucky if she can get 2 shillings and G pence a dozen for the infants' hoods which keep the children's heads warm these winter days in the perambulators. Chinese In 'Australia- . : M. D. Conway in San iVrn; "W) C hronlcl e. The labor question is. however, very important andvthe inaroJJij is evidently concerned at the statistics- Just pub lished showincr that the .population of Victoria is falling beneath the rate of increase of the other colonies. He re marked that the Chinese of whom there are over 12,000 in Victoria, are just now being naturalized to a large ex tent. I think he said he had been re cently issuing to them naturalization papers at the rate of thirty every month.- Already I hear it Vhispered that the Chinaman is making an in genious use of his naturalizationrpapers. Since all the colonies have imposed a poll tax of 10 on every Chinaman . en tering them, no one of that race could leave one colony for another and r"tuTn without paying X10 at the custom-house each way. That is what he escapes by naturalization, but he is suspected of sending his papers to his friend in China to enable him to immigrate with-: out paying the tax. It is probable, 'however, that' the Chinese residents here are equally con tented with the white laborer in keep ing out their countrymen. They are getting rich fast. They preserve their ability to live on rice and tea, their economic habits and their way of doing a good deal of work. They are ta booed by the white working class and kept out of certain kinds xt employ ment. If a family should employ one as a domestic servant that family would be "boycottedr by tradesmen. - The, Australian "larrikins" , (Calif ornian "hoodlums") delight to bait a Chinaman and to have knocked out a Chinese eye is the immediate jewel of his soul. Few Sunday amusements are allowed . in Melbourne, sothe "Iavrikin"mustdohis best to pass the pious hours. The efforts to keep labor dear in Victoria are successful. It is more than twice as dear as in England in all cases and in some kinds of work thrice as dear. Some singular results follow this. David. Crockett' Nehoollnx. I Magazine of American History. A niece of his employer, a young Quakeress, coming from North Caro lina to visit her uncle, David experi enced the delicious pangs of first love. Its course, however, did not run smooth. He thought his utter lack of any educa tion in books was the cause of his mis fortune, and he w ent to school four days in the week, working for the school master the other two davs to pav for it. This continued for about two months. "In this time," he says, "I learned to read a little in my primer, to write my own name, and to cipher some in the first three rules in figures. And this was all the schooling I ever had in my life." He might liavo continued his studies had it not been for the fact that the momory of the pretty Quakeress had failed away, and he had fallen in love with another girl. The Meanest ilrl of All. Exchange. "Yes," said Sylvia, "Hat's the mean est girl I ever did see ! She knows I think voting Mr. I aw runs is just too lovely for anything, and I think she's of the same opinion. Yt ell, 1 was leaning out of the window the other day, and Mr. Tawmus passed, and I smiled. Would you believe it ? Hat had a set of her aunt's false teeth in her pocket, and, just as I smiled, she dropped them out of the window. Mr. Tawmus didn't see her, as she was behind me, and what could he have thought?" There are 3 cents' worth of gold in every ton of sea water. GUNBOAT SERVICE. Holy-Stone and Mplt.Klds.-Aay thins bnt Wirt In the Xavy. Cincinnati Enquirer. Did you notice that man walk over to tin curb and epit in the btreett I'll bet he's been on shipboard. There a rian's got to um either the spit-kida or spit over the side of the vessel into the water, xuey'll stand any thing but dirt In the navy, you know. How is this for a daily routine: When the boVn pipes up all hands in the morning they turn out, put up their hammocks, stow 'em away in the nettings, then sweep the decks. Mess-cloths are spread, and after breakfast the decks are wept down again. At 11:30 a. in. sweepers are piped and then mess-cloths are laid for dinner, after which she is swept fore and aft once more. It's done twi.-e more, before sup per and after supper, making six times a day. Yon mustn't think they sweep only. Not a day passes bnt that the decks are either dry or wet holy stoned. A holy-stone is a big stone, fiat and smooth on one side. The cen tre of a long rope is made fast to It, and a squad of men lay hold of opposite ends and pull it backward and forward over tho decks, which have been first wet down and sprinkled with sand. In places that they can't reach, corners. you know, they make men get down on their knees with little hand stones, called prayer books, and scrub 'em out. After all this, they bend the hose to the pumps and wash the sand away. Men follow with squillgees, arrange ments shaped like a hoe, with a strip of rub ber tacked to the edge. They use 'em to rub the heaviest part of the water off the docks. Next comes another detail with swabs. ! They are like big hemp horses' tails, and are swung right and left. Svhen the fibres got well sat urated the swab is wrung and used over again. Light, flat sheet-iron charcoal stoves, the under side three feet square, are then suspended by long rods to within about a foot and a half of the deck, and swung backward and forward until the place underneath is pretty dry, when they shift them to other hammock-hooks and repeat the process. This is done three times a week,- and dry holy-stoning twice. On such days the iweepers are used five times. The decks art always like the driven snow, and wouldn't soil a cambric handkerchief at any time. Now you can understand why a sailor learns to use the spit-kids well, cusp adores look here who's spinning this yarn? IHNKaatetl With llrt and Vulgarity Chicago Herald 'Train Talk." "No, none of 'my boys are in Chicago," aid an old farmer from western Illinois, just returning from the Union stock yards, where he had sold three cars of hogs of his own raising. "No, sir, my boys are all at home. The three oldest are teaching school winters and helping on the farm summers. I've bad all my boys in the city, though, and they know what it is. I sho ved 'em all iround myself. I ain t one of these kind that lets boys go on thirikln a city is the nicest place in the world, when it is just as easy au aothm to show em different. I had my boys in some of the saloons along on State street, and on the west eidv tc wow 'era thepoor loafers, soma of xaeir " e ;dcriTTf farmers' boys come to town tqr get rich. 1 e all went up into the public library, as I wanted the boys to see the poor c asses there finding a good warm place to sleep, until 10 o'clock, anyhow. AVe was also in some of than dives along the levee, and I tell you tho boya was disgusted with tlie dirt and vulgar ity. My oldest boy went into the wine-room to see the girls and come ut mad. saying they was nothing but paiai, powdor, and stuffing, and charged him (3 for me little, bottle of wine worth about 35 cents. "I had the boys look in the morning papers to see how many situations tlxjre were vacant, and - how many more there were wantin. places. When we Parted for the train next morning arly we see a sign out 'Clerk wanted,' and thirty or forty fellows tftandin' around waiting for the doors to open. Ob, I t!' Nys haven't any love for Chicago, and they are stay in' home and 'tending to business. James has a small farm of his own, and I'm going to give bun half the money from them hogs to furnish his houe with, 'cause he's to marry soon. Robert, the next, has the best team in our county, aud the Jbaadaoxuest gal. My boya have seen Chicago with their eyi open, and are satisfied to stay at home, behave them selves, and take the old farm when I get through with it. I believe this keeping of boys iu ignorance of what a great city really is is wrong, so I do." : . ". Can & ten lie Jteaaon f . , Cincinnati Enquirer. Out at the Zoo thers Is a small hols prob ably some rat owns it in the rear comsr of the blacksnake's cage. , A good fat toad had crowded into this hole, and the snake darted in his head after hint and speedily swallowed him. But with this incumbrance he found be could not withdraw himself. " Then he at once disgorged the toad, which, finding him self free, began to movs off, . This was too much for snake philosophy, and the snake again swallowed him, and a second tuns wai compelled to disgorge him, for he could not get his head out. But he reflected. He had learned something. He reached out a third time, and grabbing the toad by the leg backed out with ease. If la Proulnenee Accounted For. New York Letter. Thi is not because Gen. Sickles is so dis tinguished, but rather from the manner of bis imtracce at the opera. You probably know that Gen. Sickles has but one leg, and has been unable to wear an artificial one, so that he is naturally obliged to walk on crutches. After the bouse is comfortably seated and the opera is going smoothly along, just as the prima donna reaches her most florid passage, or the tenor touches his high C, you hear a dull thud down the main aislo of the opera house, and, looking around, you see a rather fine-looking man on crutches swinging himself into his seat You naturally ask "Who is thatP and you soon get your answer that it is Gen. Sickles. food for the British Lien. Exchange. "Mamma," said Beatrice, running into her mother's room in her girlish, over-30-year-old way, "there's a man down-stairs who wants to see you." "What's 'is bloomin' namef asked the queen. "He didn't say." "Are his pantaloons fringed at the bottom T "Yes, mamma," replied Beatrice, "and be has a roll of manuscript under his arm." "Ilanother John Brown poem, or my naire h isn't Vic toria Wettin. Tell 'im I'm not a', 'ome, and if he won't take no for an answer 'ave your brothe. Halbert feed him to the British liou." Uon't Cio to Italy. Exchange. The eminent bas4o, Karl Formes, tells American parents that they make a grave mistake in sending their children to Italy to study music when they can attain much bet ter reunite at home. He says musiaal science is at its lowest level In Italy, and the great singers are aot Italians Boston Commercial Bulletin: . TeopU art getting so suspicious now that it would not be surprUli g any Sunday to see the deacons using a bell-punch with the contribution box.