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y
THE COLUMBIAN.
THE COLUMBIAN.
r
Published Every Friday,
. AT ' '
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR.,
" ' BY
. PUBLISHED EVKRY FBIDATj "
AT
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR.,
" .. . . BY
E. 0. AD AXIS, Editor and Proprietor.
SnBscMPTiou Rates :
N
A
. 0. AD A1IS, Editor and Proprietor.
Advertising. Bates :
One year, in advance. . . . ?2 00
Six months, " 1
Three months. " 50
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VOL. IV.
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, MARCH 7, 1884.
NO. 31.
Each subsequent insertion 100
SEED SOWN WILL SPRING.
We scatter seed with careless band,
And dream we ne'er shall see them more,
But for a thousand years
Their fruit npfeaVs
In weeds that mar the land,
Or healthful store.
EMOTIONS TO ORDER.
A Novel I lac very Which Pnt on
Tap the Various Emotion or the
Soul.
Detroit Free Press. ;
About ten years since a , German
physiologist discovered that by the
.mild application of electricity to various
muscles of the face the expressions de
noting fear, anger, mirth, melancholy,
sadness and disgust could be produced
at the will of the operator, while the
subject of the experiment continued in
a perfectly calia and. unmoved .state of
mind. A healthy, stolid young peasant
girl was by this enforced contraction of
the proper muscles made to look like a
penitent Magdalene ; or a merry school
girl ; or a mother tortured with
agony and anxiety for a dying
child ; or a maiden just . bereft of her
lover; or an envious woman scorned;
or a neglected wife consumed by jeal
ousy; or an unlucky woman whose new
bonnet was not sent home in time for
service Easter morning ; or her rival
who appeared at church with hers, or
half a dozen other portraits of conflict
ing feelings. So an old man, who
probably never in all his life cared for
mnch beyond a good dinner, a full mug
of beer and his comforting pipe, was
transformed into a dethroned and out
cast Lear; a smiling and affab' a specu
lator who had just made a small for
tune by a favorable "turn" on the
"street;" a dissipated prodigal son at
the end of his rope ; a young father
looking at his first baby; a middle-aged
one looking at his teeth ; two politicians
of opposite parties the morning, after
the election ; and almost every conceiv
able contrast of feeling of which the
human soul and face are capaHe.
In the wider uses to which electricity
is being applied we may expect to find
this receiving due attention. How con
venient to have a little battery in one's
pocket to produce the right Icok at the
right moment. Provided with his 'elec
trode" the father, wearied with the day's
work, harassed by the wrong balance
on his ledger, cross with the mistakes
or stupidity of his employes, could
freely indulge his emotions all the way
home. But, entering the house, he
his wife and children with a laughing
and most cheerful countenance. To this
the mother, with nerves well worn by
peevish or misbehaving children, would
respond with most seraphic smile . and
tender look, recalling to the apparently
merry hisband those ecstatic days of
courtship when neither laugh nor smile
required any artificial stimulus. More
over, the affected and mechanical emo
tion of the one could hardly fail to
soften and impress the feelings of the
other who witnessed it ; so that in a
few brief moments the man's pretended
laugh might become a real one, the
woman's manufactured smile genuine
and true. This use of the invention
alone would promote morality by largely
reducing the percentage of divorce and
increasing domestic happiness.
So, too, a mild-mannered and sensi
tive nature that shrinks from collecting
what is due, or is bullied and knocked
about by stronger and coarser persons,
may be able to simulate the looks of a
Lrazen or ferocious being. The man
who blushes to the roots of his hair,
when spoken rudely to, and is fright
ened at the sound of his own voice,
might put up his electrode, turn on the
battery and become in the twinkling of
an eye as unmoved as a book agent or
a life insurance solicitor. He could
even face a hotel clerk and ask for a
room on the first floor, and perhaps
make a sleeping-car porter feel that he
is mortal like the rest of us.
"Women, too, instead of expressing
terror at insults from ruffians and
-"mashers," could turn on such looks of
fury and scorn as to make the villains
flee in terror. The defeated presiden
tial candidate could order a smile big
enough to cover a whole country and
give himself the reputation of a philos
opher. Skeptical clergymen could ex
press in their faces the horrors of that
future state in which they themselves
might only half believe; and school
teachers command silence and order by
an unearthly frown.
With this little instrument actors
could be hired at day-laborers' wages,
and display with far more accuracy and
better artistic effect than now the
emotions appropriate to the scene and
the text. The instrument conveyed to
"elaquers" in the audience could pro
duce artificial sorrow or mimic laughter
at the right moment, and so by con
tagion of sympathy set " the whole
audience to weeping or roaring.
In brief, the imagination becomes
fatigued in speculating upon the wide
usefulness of this novel instrument for
Eutting on tap the emotions of the
uman heart, as one now secures his
light and his water.
Kn rope's Cireat Cities.
Exchange.
Berlin in 181G had a population of
195,000, London had one of 958,863
and Paris one of 713,966. Sixty vears
later Berlin Lad 1,250,000, London
4,000,000 and Paris nearly 2,300,000.
Berlin therefore increased mo w than
sixfold, London about fourfold and
Paris about threefold.
Alaskas Chilly Side.
Chicago Herald
In Alaska everything freezes solid by
the middle of October. The mercury
in winter falls to 55 degrees below zero,
and often lower. There are only about
three months that gold can be washed,
from May to August. There is not so
much timber as is generally supposed,
and it is of'en poor quality, a recent
prospector rt ports.
Lon: Itoad to Digestion.
San Fraucisco Bulletin.
One of the most singular features is
the location of the ostrich's stomach.
He carries it on his back between his
shoulders, and the food can be 6een
winding around inside of his neck to
get at this out of the way receptacle.
TRAINING BLOODHOUNDS.
Practicing the Popples With.
"Trusty" Convict- Remethlox More
Efficient Than MhotKon.
A correspondent of The Houston
(Texas) Post, who has been visiting
the prison at Huntsville, in that state,
writes about the bloodhounds used
there as follows :
"And these are the bloodhounds I
hear so much about?" I remarked to
my conductor.
"Yes, they are the famous blood
hounds ; that is, as much bloodhounds
. as you will find in Texas. They are
simply foxhounds, . tramed to hunt
men." ' "
"Do you keep them shut up all the
time?"
"Yes, they would make it lively for
the boys if they got out."
" "How often do you have occasion to
use them during the year ?"
'Not more than two or three times.
Convicts will not leave when they
know good hounds are on hand to
catch them.' '
"Could you not dispense with the
hounds and depend upon your guns?"
"No, indeed; you can not hold con
victs with shot-guns. It is the fear of the
hounds that keeps them quiet. Deser
tion i useless when recapture is a
moral certainty, as is the case when
goods hoands are employed."
"Do you have difficulty in properly
training your hounds ?"
"Oh, no; that is about the only sport
there is. Here come the puppies. We
will give them a run and let you see
how it is done."
A trusty was sent down the lane and
over the fence, through a large field,
on a run for dear life. When
he had accomplished about half
a mile, or half his circuit,
the puppies, three six-nfonths-old
hounds, were put on his track, and one
started, nosing the ground and yelping
as they ran. On they kept, over
fences and through stubbles and ditches,
never ceasing their noise. Sometimes
they would run over the trail where
the trusty had an abrupt turn, but soon
they would return to the spot where
they lost the scent and cautiously feel
their way until certain they had the
trail, when they would off again. The
trusty was a long distance runner, but
the soft ground made his impromptu
track heavy, and he lagged as he ap
proached the end of his run, evidently
fatigued.
The dogs gained on him rapidly and
were yelping close upon hiin. He was
ordered to run to a tree or fence and
get out of their wav, so they would have
to find him by the scent. He first tried
to clinib-a high gate-post, but the dogs,
with their noses to the ground, were
upon him almost and forced him to take
shelter in a wagon standing in the yard.
where he hid himself in the bed just as
-tho-dogs came in the gate. They looked
up the gate-post and smelled around a
little, then without delay followed the
trail direct to the wagon and discovered
their prey, lying panting like a tug
boat. I looked at the perspiring con
vict, and my heart smote me for being
the cause of his race, but I soon found
out that it was a great privilege, en
joyed by but few, and giving the pup
pies a race was considered by them the
very essence of pleasure. The convict
took an old blanket in his hand and
alighted on the ground, where the dogs
fought him fiercely, making vicious
springs for him. He repulsed them by
buffeting them with the blanket, jump
ing away and thwarting them in any
manner without hurting them. Finally,
one of the dogs fastened his teeth in the
convict's coarse pants, at a point where
the most cloth was used in making,
and, holding on with unyielding ten
acity, was swung round and round with
vigor, until tired. The dogs were then
taken by a guard, and the convict went
away highly pleased with his sport.
They Laughed at laat.
Exchange.
The moit unfortunate attempt at re
producing another's wit was made by
an Englishman who didn't understand
the pun, but judged from the applause
with which it was greeted that it must
be excellent. During a dinner at which
he was a guest a waiter let a boiled
tongue slip off the plate on which he
was bearing it, and it fell on the table.
The host at once apologized for the
mishap as a lapsus linguae (slip of the
tongue). The joke was the best thing
at the dinner, and our friend concluded
to bring it up at his own table. He ac
cordingly invited his company, and in
structed his servant to let fall a roast
of beef as he was bringing it to the ta
ble When the "accident" occurred he
cxc'.aimed, "That's a lapsus 'inguae."
Nobody laughed, and he said again, "I
say that's a lapsus lingua;," still no
one laughed. A screw was loose some
where, so he told about the tongue
falling, and they did laugh.
The Head or the Claque.
Exchange
Pere David, for forty years the head
of the claque at the opera in Paris, and
who died a few weeks ago, was born in
the year of Marie Antoinette's execution
(1793) and wa3 present at the battles of
Lutzen, Bantzeu, arid Leipsig. Figaro
thus describes his claque operations :
"Seated in the front row of the pit, hav
ing a part of his forces around him,
while-the others were placed in the sec
ond gallery, he directed from his seat,
by his stick, the intensity and the dura
tion of the applause. A Bhort, sharp
rap on the floor meant that the claque
was to confine itself to a moderate clap
ping of hands. But when he gave a
rapid and prolonged movement of rota
tion to his stick his followers knew that
they were to indulge in an outburst of
enthusiasm, recall the actor on the
stage, and give him an 'ovation.' "
Mexico's Antl-.Meteel War.
Cor. New Orleans Times-Democrat.
For a foreigner to learn the names
and value of Mexican coins is almost
equal to becoming familiar with the
nomenclature of the streets, and this
latter is a feat worthy to be ranked
with the acquisition of the Chinese lan
guage. Imagine having to encumber
your memory with the following de
nominations and their innumerable
combinations : A mediocentavo, or half
cent; a centavo, or cent; a tiaco, or 1
cents; a quartilla, or 3 cents; a medio,
or6i cents; a real, or 12 J cents; a
peseta, or 25 cents : a medio-peso, or 50
cents: a reso. or SI. etc. The main ob
jection seems to be that the introduc
tion of the new currency was made
awkwardly, and. many say, unfairly.
Instead of allowing the people to be
come gradually accustomed to the new
coins, and establishing them upon as
firm a basis as the old, all at once the
whole country has bean flooded with
nickel; in the course of a few months
it has rained down about $4,000,000
worth of this base metal, which has
been made the object of such iniqui
tous speculation that its . value has de
preciated to almost nothing.
UNCLE SAM'S RAG-BAG.
An - Interesting; Sale of quartermas
ter's Condemned . (Stores in Xew
-York. "
New York Times.
A red flag waved listlessly in the mist
over the iron gate which guards the en
trance to the state arsenal at Seventh
avenue and Thirty-fifth street v ester
day - morning. The stone floor of the
basement of the building was in an un
usual state of disorder. There were
piles of gray army overcoats in various
stages of decomposition, some well
worn and much soiled and others nearly
new but badly moth-eaten; heaps of
military hats, With dilapidated gilt
bands, dingy military dress-coats, t rous
ers and blouses and dry goods boxes
filled with empty metallic shells, some
bright and brassy and others as green
as several coats of verdigris could make
them. They were condemned quarter
master's stores which were to be sold at
public auction. Around the equipments
there were a score or more junk dealers
and second-hand clothing merchants,
who examined the goods with critical
care, digging their canes into the heaps
and drawing out garments which were
looked over with great 'interest and
commented upon with rare judgment
and experience. - At 11 o clock the anc
tioneer mounted a box of pompons, an
absurd little article of military orna
mentation which resembles an ampu
tated lamb's tail, mounted on a brass
wire handle, and the sale was begun.
There were 113 dress coats, which
were offered by the pound. The bids
were started at 1 cent, and after a brief
but spirited competition the lot was
Eold to Andrew McMahon, a junk
dealer, for 4 cents. The military hats,
of which there were 751, were bought
for 7T cents each, and were sold to W.
S. Kirk, of Philadelphia, who also pur
chased the entire lot of 953 pompons
for $3. J. W. Frasier, of this city,
bought 1,000 blouses for 15 cents each,
2,000 pounds of shells for 14 cents a
pound, and 1,811 overcoats for 94 J cents
each.
"What will you do with the goods
you have bought?" was asked Mr. Fra
sier, the heaviest buver.
"I will sell the overcoats and shells
to foreign governments, such as Hayti
and Liberia. They are in great
demand for such purposes. The shells
will be cleaned and reloaded. Those
that are too badly rusted to be used
will be sold for old brass. The blouses
I will probably have to sell for old rags,
as they are almost worthless. I may
sell some of the coats to local military
companies in the south composed of
colored troops. They want goods that
are cheap and make a good display.
They are not as particular as the
northern troops are."
"I will sell the dress trousers," said
Mr. Eane, "to military companies or
to theatrical companies for military
pieces. The hats and coats will also be
used for that purpose. There is a big
demand for such goods and they find
a ready sale."
"There isn't much money in this sale,"
remarked a veteran dealer, who took
no active part in the bidding, "but I
have seen dealers make very handsome
amounts out of these purchases. A
few years ago there were sold at
the Philadelphia arsenal 10,000 am
bulance flags . made of the brightest
yellow cloth. They brought 2 cents each.
The buyer dyed them green and red
and sold them to the Pennsylvania rail
road company for 6 cents each. It only
cost him 1 cent apiece to have them
colored. But sometimes money is loat.
Not long ago a dealer bought a large
lot of army overcoats for about $1.50
each. They are now on sale in this
city for 80 cents apiece. Mr. Frasier
would lose on his purchases if he didn't
know a place out of the country where
he can put them."
The original cost of the goods to the
government was over $30,000, and the
amount realized was less than $2,500.
A. find of Lithographic stone.
Boston Journal.
An artist who was out sketching in
Bern county, California, lost his way,
and in his wanderings discovered a
great cliff of lithographic stone, such
as is only found in one other place in
the world, Solehhofen, Bavaria. The
Bavarian quarries produce annually
13,000 cubio yards of lithographio
stone, at a cost of $1,000,000 and the
proprietors of the quarries sell the
product for $10,000,000, or an advance
on the cost of 900 per cent. .
ODE TO THE AMERICAN HOO.
(New York Sun.
Alas, poor bog!
Or fattened, as the case may be
The doors of France are closed to thee,
In spite of Morton's earnest prayer,
And thou, if thou would'st enter there,
Must dot incog.
Unpitied hog!
Bismarck has large interior crams
With still uncooked Westphalia hams,
Soar wine, and scarcely sourer kraut,
And yet maliciously shuts out
Our porcine prog.
Much slandered hog!
Two nations that, with eager hate.
The day of mutual slaughter wait,
In this antipathy agree,
And both devonr, instead of thee,
The festive frog.
Enlightened hog ,
The routes across the salty sea
Are all exactly known to thee,
And thou hast more disguises than
The most experienced customs man
Can catalogue.
Persistent hog!
In various and evasive ways
Thou yet wilt thread the legal mare
And once again, when France and Bis
Subdue their stupid prejudice ,
Wilt come in vogue.
COME WITH THE CROWD.
A Few Paragraphs of First-Class
Advice for M3f y Son" to Stow Away
In Ills aiemory.
Detroit Free Press. .
See here, my boy I The bells have
rung the old year out and the new one
in, and a new watch has come on deck
If you think you are going right along
in the same old grooves, while the rest
of us are making changes, you are up
a tree. You've got to toe the mark
along with the remainder of the world.
Now, then ; you are beginning life.
You are from 16 to 21 years old. You
think you know all about it, but the
fact is you aren't more than half-baked
"cyet." What you don'tknow would cover
all LtKe Erie, while your worldly wis
dom wouldn't knock an o-vrl off his
perch. Suppose yon make a resolve to
begin by not knowing more than half
as much as Plato, Diogenes and other
wise men. If you should condescend to
admit that you didn't even know more
than your own father, it wouldn t greatly
affect your general standing with the
world.
Perhaps you smoke and chew. What
for? What's the use of paying out $100
a year to insure bad breath, headache,
red eyes, decayed teeth and nervous de
bility, when you can secure a broken
leg, which is far nicer, by a tumble
down stairs? Uhewmg is a vicious,
nasty habit. Smoking affects the brain
and nerves and stomach. We admit
that a young chap of your age looks
like a great statesman when he comes
down the avenue puffing away at a 5
cent grab, but suppose you didn't look
like anybody but yourself?
Maybe you drink a little ; very prob-
ably you do. A young man of your age
is apt to think it smart to ruzzle down
lager and tipple wine, but there's where
he is lame. .Even old drunkards would
caution you against the practice. Drink
not only wastes money, but it severs
friendship, ' breeds anger, brings about
quarrels, and there is no end to the
tram of wretchedness it entails, les,
great lawvers, statesmen, poets and
philosophers drink, but they lose re
spect by iL Men have a contempt for
lueir neasires?, ana tne wona reaas
their epitaphs with sneers. Don't make
a persimmon of yourself because some
one else has.
Played poker or faro yet ? If so we
hope you got such a skinning as will
last you your life time. Let gambling
alone. Fight as shy of gambling-rooms
as you would of a mod dog. People tell
you about luck. That's all bosh. The
gambler has you by - the throat the mo
ment yoa enter his door. You can't
make any money out of him, but he will
see to it that you add to his capital.
Now, as to your personal traits. You
may have come naturally by your ego
tism, but keep it in check. The world
in general looks upon it as a disease.
Even if you know ll you think you
know the rest of us won't admit it. Men
hate boasters and braggarts.
Bluntness is a good thing somtimes;
sometimes it isn't. Civility, and con
scientious regard for other people's
feelings are trump cards in the game of
life. Be charitable without encourag
ing vice; be honest in your opinions,
but don't imagine that it is your duty
to break up a family or start a church
scandal ; in your dealings be square.
You may lose by it for a time, but whei
the public comes to understand that
you are a just and upright man yoa il
make money and keep friends as welll
In fact, young man, suppose you
square up with your tailor, pay the
balance at your bodt-makers, part your
hair ou the side and fall into procession
with the rest of us. We don't claim to
be pretty, and we don't own all the
brains in the country, but we can teach
vou several things that may come use
ful in future years, and we guarantee to
prove that horse sense and square deal
ing are certain to pay a semi-annual
dividend.
A Cat tiegeDd.
Cincinnati Enquirer.
"Do you know why cats always wash
themselves after a meal ?"
A cat caught a sparrow and was about
to devour it when the sparrow said :
"No gentleman eats till he has first
washed his face." The cat was struck
with this sage remark, sat the sparrow
down and began to wash his face with
his paw. The sparrow flew away. This
enraged pnssv, and he swore : "As long
as I' live I will eat first and wash my
face afterward." And cats have done
so ever since.
The Dellshted Doctor.
Tom Moore has a fanny story of a
tick man who was telling his symptoms
(which appeared to himself, of course,
dreadful) to a medical friend, who, at
each new item of disorder, exclaimed :
"Charming I" "Delightful!" "Pray go
on !" And when he hod finished, said
with the utmost pleasure: "Do you
know, my dear sir, you have got a com
plaint which has been for some time
supposed to be extinct?"
Ripenins Wines by Electricity.
Chicago Herald
Bipening and purifying -wines and
strong liquors is done by the Electrio
Liquor company, of California, by
means of an electric current. By this
process the liquor is freed from all its
poisonous essential oils, and the work
of from three to six years is done in' a
few hours. Light clarets are treated in
three to six hours; brandy requires
sixty.
Bad for the Patient.
New Orleans Times-Democrat
Two doctors were disputing by the
bedside of a patient. "I toll you the
liver is diseased," said one. "Nonsense;
nothing of the kind. It is the spleen."
"Very well; we shall see at the post
mortem who is in the right. Ureat
sensation on the part of the patient,
whom in the heat of the argument they
had quite forgotten.
Xotseless Police.
Chicago Herald.
The authorities at St. Giles, in Bel
gium, have supplied the police on night
duty with cloth boots having India rub
ber soles. With these boots the police
are so rerfectlv noiseless that they are
at least placed on a footing of equal ad
vantage with burglars. .
The Arabian legend traces the cat to
Noah's ark, and declares it was sneezed
out of the lion's nostrils.
The Probabilities or Personal j lion
esty.
Detroit Free Press.
At half -past 7 o'clock the triangle
sounded, the Glee club sang an lode en
titled "Don't You Lick a Lamp Post,'
and Brother Gardner said : 1 i
"De y'ar 1883 am passed an' gone. Its
cyclones, airthquake3, floods, fires, joys
an' sorrows am no mo'. De y'ar 1884
has been bo'n, an' de chile 'am doin' as
well as kin be suspected under the sar
cumstances. At de present time, we all
feel what poo , contemptible sinners we
am, - an' we resolve to do better. A
New Y'ar's resolnshun am not worf de
powder to blow it across de sidewa1!
but at de same time if I can h ar of a
single member of dis club who hasn't
resolved to live a better life from dis
time hencefb'th I'll fine him $16,000.
Let us now agitate de reglar program
my of bizness." ' I !
Brother Hamiltonian Smith arose to
make an inquiry. He had often been
asked if it was forbidden in the consti
tution or bj'-laws of the Lime-Kiln club
for a member to hold a position under
the state or United States government.
"I should reckon it wasn't I" replied
the president, as Smith sat down. - "De
members of dis club kin hold any sort
o' posishun dey kin git, from sellin' red
lemonade in de big circus tent to con
ductin' de pension buro at Washington.
De only by-law on desubjeck am to for
bid de club, as a'club, from givin' bonds
fur de honesty of any member holdin' a
posishun whar' he kin do any stealin'."
Major Chapultepeo Green 'secured
the floor to inquire if the president in
tended to be understood as doubting
the honesty of members of the club ?
That is, if Waydown Bebee, for m
stance, was a clerk in the city treas
urer's office and had a chance to lay his
hands upon $10,000, wonld he do it?
"He probably would, sahl Dat is
dar' am so many probabilities' dat he
would pocket de money an skip fur
Yurrup dat de club wouldn't go on his
bond. When white men all ober de
ken try am daily Fellin' out dair reputa
tion fur honesty fur a few hundred dol-
lass apiece, it wouldn't be safe to leave
a black man alone wid a package
countm up into de thousands.
Uanibline. .2
P'Gath" in New York Tribune.
Gambling may be the unanticipated
destrover of modern civilization! The
riots of 1877 have sometimes baen
debited to stock gambling. 3an Fran
cisco, rising like another Ilium, let in
the Trojan horse of the Comstock lode,
and next was Kearney, Kalloch and the
sand lots. Another insurrection in
Spain lately was charged to a stock
gambling coterie bet.veen Parts and
Madrid at the same instant we were ap
prised of it. The French war in Anam,
which may be a string to pull jail Asia
together, is charged to schemes . to
launch stock projects on the j Paris
Bourse and pluck France of her
plethoric wealth. Maximilian died for
a stock bubble and for
same the Napoleons went
Egypt revolts and Alexandria
the
out.
turns
.to ashes when a French " projector "
tempts the son of Mehemet Ali into his
broker's shop. The vast indemnity
Germany took from France was 1 burnt
hp in limited liability companies. Great
maritime corporations no competition
could put down have yielded in Eng
land to operations in the directory and
stand limp and sick. Peru and Bolivia
nearly perish under a conquest begun
from speculations in nitre and guano.
Our own land was the ba3is of a specu
lation that overthrew the French; mon
archy seventy years later, when for
dukedoms and marquisates in Arkansas
Law's Louisiana shares went up ; 4,000
per cent. Tocqueville, fifty years ago,
considered divisiou of labor in the fac
tories the only influence probable to
subvert democracy with feudality. He
did not see gambling, thouzhi Biddle
and the bank had just been rained.'
A llesscucor ti jy' .!. Trip."
Baltimore Sun. j
A bright faced, red-headed boy, 14
years old, dressed in the uniform of a
messenger lad, called at a pawn store
Saturday and threw a pawn ticket for a
gold chain on the show case and j said :
"Gimme that chain." j
Mr. Lowyt looked at the ticket, which
he at once recognized. "The "man to
whom this ticket belongs is in New
York," he remarked to the boy. j I
" Y ell, that s jnst where I came from,
said the boy. The little fellow- then
said that on Saturday afternoon a call
came to the Seventy -second street office,
east side, xsew York city, for a messen
ger boy. This Tad was sent to a ! well-
to-do gentleman's house in answer to
the summons. lhe
caller j had
chaiu,! an
visit to Bal-
pawned a valuable
heirloom, during his
timore a few davs
ago, when he
He wanted to
was out of money.
wear the chain on Sunday, but could
not get it in time, as no express would
reach him on that day. The boy was
to bring the pawn ticket here, pay the
$25 advanced on the chain, also the in
terest, and get back as soon as he
could. The gentleman was to pay his
fare here and back, incidental expenses,
and give him besides 6 cents an hour
extra pay.
The boy was back in isew York bat-
urday night with the chain, fifteen
hours after he started. !
How Joaquin Sillier Works.
Joaquin Miller, the ever tuneful poet
of the Sierras, is a hard worker. He
writes his graphic Sunday sketches for
The Courier-Journal, guides! the
destinies of a serial story in Wakeman's
Current, will be represented in the
coming St. Nicholas, drops into poetry
for the leading magazines, in his odd
moments writes a play, and on off days
runs down to Washington from j New
York and superintends a new house he
is building there.
Effect or Mineral Waters.
Medical Journal.
From experiments upon dogs, Lewas-
chew and Klikowitch have concluded,
that the effect of ordinary natural min
eral waters is to increase the. quantity
of bile and to make it more fluid and
watery Thi increased flow is bene
ficial in freeing the gall-bladder from
stagnant bile. The action of artificial
solutions of alkaline salts, as well as of
hot water, was found to be similar to
that of the natural mineral waters.
THE SNOW-CAPPED PLANET.
The .Development of Mars -llave
Our Uartlal Xeigrabors Canals Y
UapplnK the Planet.
New York San.
Perhaps the most interesting celestial
event of the year will be the opposition
of Mars at the end of the present
month. There is so much about this
remarkable planet that suggests a close
resemblance to the earth, and so many
oi its suriace features and of the natural
processes occurring upon it are visible
with telescopic aid, that every time it
comes to opposition, that is, gets into a
line with the earth and the sun, the
earth being in the middle, a battery of
telescopes is turned upon it with eager
expectation of interesting views u not
of important discoveries. At opposition
Mars appears with small telasoopid
power lice a lull moon of a ruddy tinge.
As the magnifying power is increased
one detail after another of the diversi
fled surface of this distant world comes
into view, until it hangs in the field of
the telescope a .real globe, marked
plainly with continent, oceans, and
islands, and partially covered with
clouds.
The first physical features of Mars
that come into view are the snow-caps
surrounding his poles. The southern
pole is now inclined toward the earth,
and a small telescope, say of three
inches aperture, will plainly show the
circular, gleaming patch of snow that
covers the antarctic region of tjie globe
of Mars. The .dark ring surrounding
the snow-field and sometimes called
Philip's sea is almost equally distinct,
and some of the other seas ' or spots
that are believed to be seas can be seen
with the same telescope. With a
larger telescope more details are visi
ble; and with the largest and best of
all the various features of Martian
geography which are represented on
some of the wonderfully complete maps
o' Mars that have been constructed, can
be seen. What a surprising thing it is
that men have been able to make maps
and globes representing, with a high
degree of completeness, the surface of a
world never much less than 40,000,000
miles distant from the earth I
Large telescopes will, during the
present opposition also, be able to show
the two tiny moons of Mars, which re
volve close to the planet, so rapidly that
the inner one goes through - all the
changes from new moon to old moon in
less than a day. -
Another interesting thing about Mars
which can now be studied is the mys
terious network of so-called canals
which co-er a large portion of the plan
et's surface, particularly in the equa
torial regions. The idea that there are
canals constructed by inhabitants of the
ruddy planet can hardly be entertained
when : it is known that they are sixty
miles and more in width.
- One thing seems to be pretty certain :
Mars has reached a much larger stage of
planetary development than the earth;
and if it has inhabitants they may pos
sibly have attained a degree of civiliza
tion incomprehensible to us. -At any
rate, it is a wonderful world that now
beams as a ruddy star in our winter
midnight sky.
Sunday In Constantinople.
Foreign Cor. San Francisco Chronicle.
But if, however, business does not
step its wheels on a Friday, the Turk
ish Sunday is a gala day for the women,
the idlers and the tourists. Early in
the morning the narrow streets leading
out of Pera are crowded with people
going in the direction of the great ave
nue that leads to the winter palace.
Their picturesqueness alone makes bear
able the fact that they do not smell good.
As I saw them, high state dignitaries
passed in open carriages, pashas and
officers, followed by their orderlies,
scattered the crowd as they galloped
by. By them ran beggars in all stages
of profitable disease and disfigurement,
who screamed dolefully for alms and
only desisted as their wind gave out.
Yet these same beggars garnered ayery
pretty harvest of piasters in the course
of the morning. Turkish women were
plenty, in the most gaudy colors, their
faces veiled and their dainty yellow
slippers kept out of the mud by pattens
six inches high.
Omnipresent were the venders of
water, coffee and sherbet. The Turkish
law' allows no stronger drinks to be sold
in public, and these fellows reaped rich
harvests, retailing their wares, at a
quarter-piaster (about an American
cent) a glass to the thirsty crowd.
Equally a nuisance were the dealers in
nuts and anise-seed cakes the lat
ter wares made round and carried
Strang on long sticks. There is some
thing peculiarly aggressive in the way
a Turk does business. For a bargain of
an eighth of a cent he will shout and
swing his arms and almost come to
blows. In fact, on the streets in Con
stantinople everybody; shouts, no mat
ter whether he is bargaining or not, and
the result jnBuch a crowd is pandemo
nium. Perhaps the most curious figures
were the eunuchs. Following the popu
lar idea, I had expected them to be
small and abortive in development. On
the contrary, they are large and well
almost perfectly formed, and would
be conspicuous anywhere for their fine
appearance and graceful carriage. To
day there are practically no white eu
nuchs in Turkey. The law allows only
black. Most of these come from Egypt
or Nubia. They are sleek and well
fed, wear modern clothes, long ulsters
of Paris cut, and carry more style than
the porter of a Pullman car. The
crowd showed representatives of every
shade of color, from black to purest
white. Fortunately all were good
natured, for otherwise there would have
been innumerable fights from the aban
donment with which they shoved and
elbowed each other along.
Old Hickory's Orthography.
Chicago Herald
Somebody has been unearthing a lot
of old depositions in a Kentucky clerk's
office, and taking notes of the bad spell
ing of some of the great men of the past.
A deposition in tne nana writing ox
Andrew Jackson contains such spelling
as "reflerence, "deponants," "untill,"
"ballance,M "valine," and "dificult." Old
Hickory's use of capitals was quite re
markable. . Such -words as "Dollar"
and "Money" he capitalized, while he
also wrote "almighty god."
Telephone Maid to Improve the
Ilearlsr ' -
New Haven Register.
It appears that many, people who
have telephones in their houses or places
of business, and use them frequently,
find their hearing bettered. The be it
testimony, however, comes from the
central office. At each switch-board sits
an operator, generally a girl, who from
morning till night haggle3 with un-.
reasonab'e subscribers and patiently
goes through the everlasting formula
till her head fairly rings with "hello"
and "all right" and "go ahead." - She
gets small pay for her trying work,
surely not a sufficient compensation for
loss of hearing.
But her testimony is that her hear
ing is constantly improving. When she
began this work she blundered sadly;
now thaear is- drilled., to catch the
faintest sound, and her sense of hear
ing is remarkably acute. It must be
noticed that the regularity of
this schooling of the ear is
largely responsible for the good
result If an operator were to take a
switch-board only one day in the week
and do all the work required on that
day, the practice would doubtless be
detrimental, because it would be ex
haustive to both the muscular and nerv
ous m6ke-up of the eaf The system
atic use of the telephone seems to de-
velope the hearing above 'it? normal
acuteness, but does not made it techni
cally abnormal.
One benefit from using the telephone
is evident to both subscribers and cen
tral-office operators, that of cultivating
the attention, a process which is reck
oned as the third or intellectual method
of developing the sense of hearing. A
good share of the dithculty which peo
ple find in working the telephone, comes
not from any defect in the machine,
nor from any .deficient hearing, but
from inability to fix the attention on
what is heard. This trouble readily
disappears by practice in listening
closely to what is said over the wire, j
Indeed, the attention may be trained to
an abnormal development, as in the
case of the head operator at the cen
tral office, who has been in the tele
phoning business for four years ; she
has so accustomed herself to fix her at- s
tention on the machine before her and
to abstract her attention from her. sur
roundings, that when Bhe is in her home
she often fails to hear when she is ad
dressed by members of the family.
Xew York Dramatic Criticism.
Marie Prescott said to a Detroit Times
man: i am convinced mat nad l
brought out 'Vera' in New York, with
out Oscar Wilde being there, it would
have been a pronounced success, and
applauded throughout the entire coun
try, -lint 1 starred Mr. Wilde as much
as I starred myself, and consequently
the press attacked him and left me
alone.Dramatio circles in New Tork are
rather apt to follow a leader, and in this
case when The Herald and some of the
other leading papers printed adverse crit
icisms, the others fell into line. On the
night that 'Vera' was produced at the
Union Square, Joe Howard, of The
Herald, was in the box office. Mr.
Howard is, I am told I do not know
him myself personally a man of justice
and good nature. On that night he did
only what a diplomat could do, and it was
done evidently with the object that I
should hear of it. , He told Mr. Shook
and Mr. Collier, the managers of the
Union Square theatre; Mr. Lee Lynch,
the treasurer, and Mr. Cauzauran, the -stage
manager, that he had received a
cablegram from James Gordon Bennett
directing him to slate 'Vera,' no matter
what its merits were. This was before
the curtain had risen on the first act."
"What do you suppose was Bennett's
reason "for that?"
"Some gilt-edged, high-toned sarcasm
which passed between him and Mr.
TIT', . 7 . T 1! A A.
wuue in x.urope, jl oeiieve. At any
rate this conversation was repeated to
me by those gentlemen whose names I
have mentioned, and whose veracity I
would not question."
The Xew York Crematlonlsts.
"Caspar" in Detroit Free Press.
There is a revival of talk about the
incineration people building a crema
tory in New 1 ork. The latest rumor
is that they have secured a suitable
piece of ground up town and are now
arranging for the edifice itself. The
chief object in the way of their going
ahead with a rush is the same one that
stands in the way of a great many other
worthy enterprises, viz., a lack of funds.
My impression is that the New York
Cremation society, which was organized
over a year ago, and which includes
Prof. Felix Adler and a chaplain of the
United States navy among its members.
is not exactly in a flourishing condi
tion. None of its stock has yet been
"placed" in Wall street at all events.
As yet there is no particular indication
of the prevalence of a belief that it mis
a long-felt want. I take the liberty of
doubting the report that ground for a
crematory has been secured on
Manhattan island. Still, such a thing
may be done, and a building actually put
up, in course of time. The cremation
idea has certainly made headway in the
few years since it was started. But it
may be sail that almost the only peo
ple who take to it are those who don't
trouble themselves much about church
going. As a body the religious element
is perfectly satisfied with- the old
fashioned M ay of disposing of the dead.
Nearly all the cremationists are "liberal
thinkers," each of whom is a church
unto himself. And as this class seems
to be growing pretty fast, the time may
be not far off when a crematory in New
York will be an actually established
fact. (
A Misnomer.
Exchange.
Devil's lake, in northern Dakota,
does not in any sense deserve its name,
for it is a fine sheet of water in the
midst of beautiful scenery, and there
are no evil traditions concerning it. The
fact is that the Indians called it Spirit
lake, and the white man regarded a
spirit as necessarily a devil. Residents
talk of changing the name back to the
original Minnewakau. .
It is a mean servant-girl who, to
gratify a petty malice, will put codfish
on the range to boil when she knows
that her mistress is entertaining com
pany in the parlor.
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