THE COLUMBIAN .
PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY
AT
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR.,
np n it y 71
1 O Pj
COLUMBIAN.
PUBLISHED EVERY FRIDAY
, AT
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA CO., OR.,
BY
BY
E. G. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor,
E. G. ADAMS, Editor and Proprietor.
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VOL. III.
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON: APRIL 27, 18S8.
NO. 38.
One quare (10 lice) firat Insertion......
Each aubaequeot invert Ion.
.12 00
. 1 00
50
m
THE BABY'S SIMPLE.
Over the cradle tbe mother hung,
froftiy coouisr a slumber tonit.
And these were tbe s:mp!y words she sua
All the evening long:
Cheek or chin, or knuckle or kno.
Where shall tbe babv'n dimple be ?
Where ball the an?ei's fljger rest
When he come down to the baby's nest?
Where shall the angel's touch remain
When he awakens my baby aa'u ?
fc'tlil aa she bent and n? so low.
A murmur into her music broke,
And she paust-d to her fr uiz cuttld not know
Tbe tab) ' n gel sj,olte :
"Cheek or chin or kr.uckliior knee,
Where shall tbe baby's dimple be ?
Whre shall my rtr-r fit'l anl re t
When I come down to the bby re t?
where shall my najier'n touch remain
When 1 awake your baoy atftU: ?"
S'lent the mother eat and dwelt
Lnnjr on ibe sweet de:y of cho!ee.
And tuen by the bAy 's siue shs ku.lt.
And sang wi:h pleasant voice:
"Not on the limb O argil dear !
Kor the c.tarm witti its youtu will d'sappear;
Not ou the cheek t-hill the dimple be,
Kor ihe harboring smile will fade and fl?e;
Bnt toucii ih.u the chin with lmpre-.' deep.
And my tl,y the a-'gel's seal ha!l ketp."
TOE WICKED WORLD.
Born at Arras, which also gave birth
to Daoiieus, ami to Maximilian Robes
pierre and liis brother, on July 23, 1775,
Francois Jules Vidocq was the son of a
baker, who had a lucrative contract of
supplying the local government with
bread" flour, etc. At thirteen Vidocq
robbed hi3 father's till, stole his silver
ware, and brought np in the house of
correction. After his discharge he stole
a large sura of money from hi3 father
and fled to Ost-nd, where a sharper
robbed him of his ill-gotten gains. To
keep himself from starving he became a
sweeper out of the animals' cages in a
menagerie. He was advanced to the po- j
sition ' of acrobat and tumbler and
starred on the bills. His master desired
to promote him into a South Sea savage,
to eat raw flesh and drink blood in the
presence of the audienee. Bat Vidocq
had a weakness for his food cooked, and
in the year 1701 he returned home, and
old Vidocq killed the fatted calf.
He next entered tbe Freuch army, and
fought so creditably at Jernappes that i.e
was made corporal of grenadiers. He
entered Paris in 1770 at the age of 21,
and led a fast life until his money gave
out, when he rejoined tbe army in tbe
north. Mixed up in a forgery, he was
sentenced to the galleys for eight years
and remained seven years in servitud,
when he escaped. He joined a band 'of
highwaymen, and in forty-eight hours
afterward gave them up to the authori-
ties. He was himself remitted to the
galleys, though, and when lie got out got J
into trouble also, and was sent back j
again. Finally he settled down to an !
appreciation of the fact that there was no
future for him in crime, and decided to
try and find a market for what he knew i
of lutid its votaries, lie Stated his case
to M. Henri, commissioner of tha secret
police of Pans, and he was placed upon
the force in a subordinate capacity, on
general rule of "set a thief to catch a
thief." After three years service he was
employed as a detective, and exhibited
remarkable aptitude. Here is one of
the exploits, as told by himself, with
which he won his early favor with the
authorities:
In 1810 robberies of a now kind incon
ceivable boldness awakened the police to
the knowledge of a troop of malefactors
of a novel description. Nearly all the
robberies had been committed by ladders
and forcible entries. So skillfullv were
they arranged and executed that Vidocq
himself followed numerous clews with
out success.
A burglary was committed "in Rue St.
Claude, in an apartment on the second
floor above the room in which the com
missary of police for the district resided.
The cord of the lantern which hung at
Lis house door had been utilized a3 a
ladder by the thieves. The burglars had
left behind them a nose-bag, and Vidocq
surmised that the perpetrators might be
hackney coachmeu, or at least that
coaches had been employed in the enter
prise.: He started on this trail, and,
8lights it was, it proved a correct one.
He found that the nose bag left by the
burglars belonged to a man named Hus
son, who was apprehended, and from him
information was obtained implicating
two brothers named Delzeve, the elder
one of whom was soon arrested. In a
short time Vidocq had the entire band at
bay, and most of them were convicted
and sent to the galleys. The -ounger
Delzeve, however, had baffled all efforts
at capture, and bade defiance to Vidocq
himself. The wily Frenchman fqfr two
years followed the young man by night
and by day, in by-places and opn thor
oughfares, and finally trapped him.
Another important case in which he
had an opportunity to develop his rare
detective skill was when a galley slave
made his escape. He learned that Mme.
Noel kept an establishment where men
of this kind were harbored. Vidocq was
too well known to undertake so import
ant a mission as the capture of this gal
ley slave, except in disguise, so for the
nounce he became a galley slave and bor
rowed the name of a thief, one Germain,
aliens the captain, w ho hail beep an inti
mate acquaintance of Noel, and though
the similarity between Vidocq and Ger
main was sligLt, he determined to per
sonate him. They hail been companions
in the galleys, and had escaped from
these prisons together.
Vidocq cut his hair short, dyed both
his beard and hair, washed his counte
nance with whito walnut liquor, and gar
nished his upper lip thickly with a kind
of coffee grounds which he plastered on
by means of gum arabic. lie even doc
tored his f-t-t to complete tbe resem
blance, and made the marks of letters on
his wrists, and even prepared shoes sim
ilar to those worn in the galles, and
stamped with the horrid letters, G. A.L ,
the abbreviation of gallerien, or "galley
slave." He adds in his autobiogrpphy
that the costume was perfect; the thing
wanting only one hundred of those com -.
panionable insects which :peoplo the sol
itude of poverty, and which were, to
gether with fregs and toads, one of the
seven plagues of old Egypt. He was
Sromtply admitted to the residence of
adame Noel, with this expression of
pity:
"Ab, my poor lad, there is no , occa
sion to tll mo .where you hare come
from. I am sure you must be dying of
hunger."
"Oh, ves," he answered, "I am indeed
hungry. 1 have tasted nothing for 21
hours.
She went off and immediately re
turned with some food aud wine, which
he ate with great eagerness, and said:
"Mother, you restored me to life."
He then impressed npon her who he
was, and began asking in regard to the
man he was seeking.
Mother Noel, not suspecting for a
moment that she was entertaining the
great French detective, gave him away,
and asked :
"Are you known to Vidocq and his
two bull dogs?" :
"Alas! he replied, yes: they have
caught me twice."
Patting him upon the head, and with
a peculiar expression upon her face, she
said:
"In that case be on your guard. Vi-
!ocq is often disguised. He assumes
characters, costumes and shupes to get
hold of all unfortunates like yourself.
Poor Mother Noel had occasion to back
her own opinion bv morning when tbe
two "bull-dogs, "as she called her guest's
subordinates, dropped in and aided him
in clapping the bilboes on the gentle
man he sought. Tbe year 1814 was tbe
most remarkable of his life, on account
of the important captures which followed
one another. Burglars, thieves, crimi
nals of all classes became an easy prey
to his rare detective genius. ; About this
time a great many murders were com
mitted all along the roads leading to the
capital, without it being possible to dis
cover the perpetrators of the crimes. In
vain the police had a strict wutch on the
actions of all suspected parties, but their
utmost diligence was fruitless, when a
fresh crime, accompanied with circum
stances of the most horrid nature, sup
plied them with hints from wnicu they
could at length anticipate bringing the
culprits to justice. A man named Fon
taine, a butcher living at Labourtille,
was ou his way to a fair in this district
of Corbeil, carrying with him his leather
bag in which hf had safely deposited, as
he supposed, 1500 fraucs. At a trilling
distance from Essonne he i stopped to
take some refreshment, and falling in
with two very well-dressed men, they
entered into conversation with him,
found out where he was going, how
much he had with him, warned him of
the danger of the road, and one of them,
showing a huge stick that would make
good resistance, volunteered to accom
pany him.
The night was very dark, scarcely al
lowing the travelers to distinguish one
step before them, and while Fontaine
was unsuspectedly following the path
recommended by his companions, when
the one who remained behind struck him
over the head a violent blow with his
cudgel, which made him reel. Sur
prised, but not intimidated, he was
aKnfc to turn to defend himself, when a
second blow, more violent than the first,
brought him to the ground. Immediate
ly the other robber, armed with a short
dagger, threw himself upon him, and
dealt murderous blow after blow till he
believed his victim was dead.' He quick
ly stripped him of the contents of his
money bag, after which they made off,
leaving him weltering in his gore. Hap
pily, passengers, directed by his groans,
came to his succor, and discovered the
wretched man, whom the freshness of
the air had recalled to his senses. In
formation was immediately dispatched of
the crime. Fontaino was removed to the
hospital, and in a short time was out of
danger. Accurate impressions were
taken of the footmarks, buttons, frag
ments of paper dyed in blood, and every
insignificant thing at the scene of the
crime, with hopes of fastening the offence
upon the assassin.
On one of the p-ece3 ' ! tne paper,
which appeared to have been hastily torn
off to wipe the blade of the knife, were
observed some written characters, but
they were without any connecting sense.
The attorney -general, however, attached
great importance to the explanation of
this fragment; and upon more closely ex
ploring the spot where Fontaine had
been lying, a second morsel had been
picked up, and by attaching the pieces
together they ciphered out the address,
the business and town of a certain man,
but so indistinctly that it was hard to say
who he was. Vidocq was called in
and opened the campaign against the as
sassin. The torn address ha regarded as an
enigma which should first be solved, and
after racking his brain day and night he
finally concluded how the perfect address
sbonld run. This gave him the impres
sion that the assassins were in league
with a wine merchant. He directe i his
suspicions against a man named Raoul.
This mau he had regarded with suspicion
for some time; and the carbaret kept by
him had long been marked as the ren
dezvous of suspicious persons. Rjtoul,
moreover, had married the sister of a
liberated slave, and he felt satisfied in
his own mind that if the crime was not
committed by him at least it was the
work of his brother or some of his rel
atives, i -
Every scheme laid by Vidocq to fasten
the crime upon Raoul for a long time was
circumvented, and he put his place under
espionage. The detectives noticed that
two persons of infamous character seem
ed to be on close terms of intimacy with
the wine met chant, and were frequently
seen stealing from the gloom of the
evening and returning next morning
greatly fatigued, with tbeir clothes all
shotted with mud and dust. : The detec
tives also noticed a man visit this place
who for many reasons they had surmised
to be one of the assassins sought for.
He bad a halt in his gait, proceeding
not So much from habitual lame
ness as from recent injuryi and io per
son and dress he was found to closely
agree with the description given by
Fontaine of one of the robbers. Vibocq
started one evening, in disguise, to the
wine merchant's cabaret, remained there
all night, and at 4 o'clock the ntxt after
noon, when he began to grow impatient
of the success of his plan, lie recognized
a visitor by the name of Court, whom he
had previously suspected of the crime.
He secured the necessary papers for the
arrest and the next morning ascended to
the room which Court occupied. He
knocked on the door aud the words,
sharpely ottered, oamo from with;.
"Who is there?"
"Why, who should it be but Raouir
responded Vibocq, closely imitating the
man's voice.
Cheerily the response came.
"What news? Nothing fresh turned
up?"
"Yes," replied Vibocq. "I have a
thousand things to tell you."
Thus securing an entrance io the room,
Vibocq put Court and his wife under ar
rest and proceeded to turn over every
thing in the apartment in which he found
a pair of pistols ready loaded and
primed, some knives and a large amount
of clothes which appeared to have been
recently washed. He afterward arrested
Raoul, and, after putting the men in
separate places of confinement,- Court
finally admitted that it was he who mur
dered the poulterer, and was somewhat
surprised that the man .should have re "
covered after the terrible beating and
cutting that he gave him. Vibocq then
plied him with questions as to other as
sassinations, and he admitted that he had
murdered several other people. At first
he denied that he had any accomplices,
and at length he admitted that Clara
R toul had participated in the crime of
which he was accused.
Vibocq next sought to wring a confes
sion from Raoul. He stole in upon him
suddenly one evening, when he was
sleeping, placed himself beside him, and
whispered gently in his ear, in the hope
of leading him, as under tbe influence of
a dream, to answer the questions he put
to him. Some unintelligible words es
caped him, but it was impossible to make
any sense out of them. This scene
lasted a quarter of an hour, when Vibocq
asked him what became of the knife with
which he murdered his victim. He gave
a sudden start, uttered some inarticulate
word3, and plunged from the bed, his
wild eyes glaring as though he dreaded
the apparition of a horrible vision. He
finally confessed, and both men received
the just reward for their terrible crimes.
Ic 1825, a suspicion which had for some
time been growing against Vibocq be
came so generally believed that a strong
popular demand rose for his removal. It
was said, with what truth no one can say
now, that ho was himself the originator
of many of the burglaries he was so suc
cessful in ferreting out. He declared
the accusations vile slanders, but popular
opinion was too strong aud he had to be
dismissed. .
He became a paper manufacturer, and
in 1831 established a trade protection so
ciety, which was nothing less than a com
mercial agency for furnishing informa
tion in regard to business men's habits
and solvency for the protection of their
creditors. He succeeded m this as in
other lines. He made quite a hit in lit
erature, publishing in 1841 a ievision cf
his autobiography, which he had first
put out in 132!). It had been a failure
then, but on the second edition, Eugene
Sue's famous novel, "The Mysteries of
Paris," having taken the town by storm,
Vidocq's book, under the title of " The
True Mysteries of Paris," caught on also
and made money, if not a reputation, for
him.
Vidocq died in Belgium in 1850, leav
ing a handsome fortune to his beirs.
Our Postage Stamps.
The new two-cent rate of letter postage
goes into effect on the-1st day of October
next, and by the change the familiar
green three-cent stamp, bearing the pro
tile of Washington, will go out of use af
ter thirteen years of service.
The first issue of adhesive postage
stamps used by the Government appeared
in 1851, and consisted of two denomina
tions a five cent stamp bearing the face
of Franklin, whose zeal and ability laid
the foundation of our postal system, and
a ten-cent stamp with the head of Wash
ington upon it. Not very long after a
second series of five denominations was
issued.
The one-cent stamp bore Franklin's
image, the three Washington's, the five
Jefferson's and the ten aud twelve a var
ied picture of Washington.
In 1857 the series was increased by the
issue of a twenty-four, a thirty and a
ninety-cent stamp, and of these two dif
ferent portraits of Washington monpoliz
ed the twenty-four and ninety, while a
second viow of Franklin tilled the frame
of the thirty.
The third issue appeared in 18G1,
Washington still apjearing on five of the
denominations, Franklin on two and Jef
ferson on one.
In 1SG3 the first two-cent stamp was
printed. It was black, and boi the
face of Jackson very conspicuously
placed.
In I860 the fifteen-cent stamp was in
troduced for foreign postage, and had
placed upon it the portrait of Lincoln.
These remained in use without change 1
till 1870, when a series of ten square
stamps of various designs appeared,
three of them portraits. The one cent
was still reserved for Franklin; Wash
ington was placed on the six-cent and
Liucoln on the ninety-cent. The other
designs were fanciful and unpopular, and
a new issue, the one now iu use, was
brought out a month later. In this
Franklin i? on the one-cent, Jackson on
the two, Washington on the three, Lin
coln on the six, Jefferson on the ten,
Clay on the twelve, Webster on the fif
teen, Scott on the twenty-four, Hamilton
on the thirty and Commodore O. H.
Perry on the ninety. The seven w as
later given to Stanton and the five to
Garfield.
Thus it will be seen that, from the
first, the denomination in commonest nse
has borne the head of Washington. As
tbe three cent stamp will now go almost
entirely out of nse, and the two-cent be
come universal, it is very proper that the
postmaster-geueral should place the im
age of Washington on a newly-designed
two-cent stamp, as he intends to. Bos
ton Advertiser.
A certain gentleman in Philadelphia
who owes his prominence entirely to his
wealth, sent all the way to London for a
batler with silk stockings and silver
buckles. He arrived a severe and cir
cumspect person, accustomed to serve
the" blue-blooded aristocrat. His new
master soon became the subject of his
snuffy criticism. It was not long ere so
ciety was shaking its sides over the fol
lowing comprehensive verdict: "E is
an 'og, an' 'is wife's hanother!"
Raw starch, applied with a little water
as paste, will generally remove all stains
from bed tioking,
About Divorces.
The divorce question is an old one, of
conrse, but it has periodical periods of
revival, and becomes as lively a topic as
preaoher or legislator can discuss. The
remarkable sermons now.being preached
by Rev. Dr. Dix are attracting national
attention, and none of them more so than
the one on "divorces." The current
number of the North American Review
disousses the question from the theolog
ical and legal stand point; in short, pick
up tbe every-day newspaper and there is
some allusiou to this divorce problem.
t Judge Elcock, of Philadelphia, said that
divorces in 1'ennsylvania can be had
more easily than in any other Common
wealth in the Union. This calls the at
tention of our citizens to the honor of
our own homes and makes us ask," What
are you going to do about it J" For some
time there seems to havo been but two
views held concerning this social prob
lem. The laxity of certain State laws
concerning divorce were the direct result
of reaction against the harsh rules of the
church. Theology either made marriage
a sacrament, or permitted only one rea
son for a divorce, viz: adultery. This
was a little too rigid and overdid itself,
for it is a matter of record that the crime
of adultery was committed by collusion
in order to obtain a divorce. Then came
the law-maker, who erred on the other
side and made divorce getting so easy
that it has become altogether too com
mon. It is true that marriage, so far as
the law is concerned, is simply a contract,
but one so far-reaching in its social
consequences that it should not be idly
or negligently broken. One of the chief
causes for divorce in this State that is
the most common cause is desertion for
two years. All parties have to do is to
live apart, and on ex-parte testimony the
judge is bound to give a divorce.' Con
corning this Judge Elcock, in a Times
interview, says:
"The first thing to be done should be
to ohange the term of desertion, making
it five or six years, and then the respond
ent should be required to appear in court
so that the averment of the libellant
might be put to te-t before a decree is
made. As it is now, malice must be as
sumed from the fact of the alleged deser
sion. The examiner has much the same
power as a master, and if the returns are
in legal form, the respondent having had
notice by publication, the judges having
limited discretion must take the report
as final, and though they may feel that
the case ia not right, in the absence of
proof, and the impossibility of obtaining
it the decree must be made."
That divorces are necessary every one
must admit, but should not be granted
for every whim and humor. Prof. Wool
sey is oi the opinion that the facilities of
getting divorces and the increasing
causes for divorces, increase the number
of divorces themselves hence he advo
cates se2aration instead of absolute di
vorce, which carries the permission to
remarry. Of course no perfect law can
be made, one that cannot be evaded or
one which will not occasionally work an
injury. Judge Jameson, of Chicago,
brings to the aid of society the red tape
of law. He would make divorces more
difficult to get by throwing around them
much legal obstruction and would have
uniformity of law on the subject by pass
ing a Federal statute.. Then again be is
opposed to absolute divorces in many
cases granting only simple separation
with the right of parties to remarry. The
only thing after all is to change our law
radically, but make it more decided, a
little less lenient and take away the laxity
of its execution. In the long run, pub
lic opinion, aot law, establshes our social
relations. The marital relation cannot
be preserved by law, and so Judge Jame
son concludes, as all sensible men must:
"Finally, the most effective remedy
will be the elevation of public sentiment
in regard to the sanctity of marriage; not
sanctity in the ecclesiastical sense, which
makes of it a sacrament, but in that of
the highest social obligation that can bind
the conscience of a man of honor and
honesty the obligation to keep the faith
be pledged in marriage to his wife and
to the State, and which he reuews upon
the birth of each of his children, to abide
with her until death, unless separated
by law for strictly necassasy causes."
The First Paper Maker.
Who was the first paper maker? If
the reply to this query should be, as is
quite likely, that some old-time inven
tive genius was the man, it will be incor
rect. The date of the invention and the
founding of paper making is not definite
ly known, 'ihe common wasp was, how
ever, the inventor. The big wasp's nest,
which was always kept at a safe distance,
and often knocked down with a stone
during the rambles of boyhood, was com
posed of actual paper of the most deli
cate and elegant kind. As spiders were
spinners of gossamer webs of intricate
and exquisite pattern when primitive
man went about dressed in the shaggy
skins of beasts, and could neither spin
nor weave the beautiful fine cloth fabrics
of to-day. so little wasps, when people
of a later and somewhat more advanced
age had recourse to such rude and unsat
isfactory substances as wood, stone and
brass, the bark of trees, and the hides of
animals, on which to preserve memoran
da, were making a material of far greater
excellence.
They made their paper, too, by very
nearly the same process employed 'by
man at the present time. Indeed, sever
al of our best, discoveries in regard to
building, architecture, and manufactures
of various kinds, if they have not been
derived from acute observation of the'
work of certain animals, including in
sects, have, when compared with their
constructions and their manner of mak
ing them, been found to show a wonder
fully close resemblance. The beaver
gave men their earliest and most service
able knowledge concerning dam build
ing, and to-day no workman can surpass
this animal's skill and precision in the
erection of such structures.
Nature is a great teacher, and especial
ly does the paper making of the wasp
illustrate how valuably suggestive she
may sometimes be; for assuredly, the
wasp was the first to show that it did not
always require rags to manufacture
paper, the vegetable fibres answered for
this purpose, and could be reduced to a
pulp, and that to make the paper strong
aid tenaoious.the fibres must be long.
The first thing the wesps do, when
about to build a nest, is t y collect, with
preference for old and dry wood, fibres
aDout , one-tenth of an lich long, and
nner tban a hair, and put them into bun
dies which they increase as they continue
on their way. These fibres they bruise
into a sort of lint, and cement with a
sizing of glue, after whiih they knead
the material into a paste, like papier
maobe, and roll up a ball; this they
trample with their feet into a leaf as
thin as tissue paper. I
The ceiling of the wasp's chamber, to
the thickness of nearly two inches, is
often constructed by puttiig, one above
another, fifteen or sixteen layers or
sheets of this prepared piper, and be
tween these layers spaces are left, so that
it seems as if a number of little f hells
had' been laid near one another'. Next
they build up a terrace composod of an
immense number of paper shells, until a
light and elegant structure, like a honey
comb, has been constructed, and in the
cells thus formed they rear their young.
lbat tbe wasp was tbe first paper
maker will, we think, hardly be dis
puted. As patent laws did! not probably
exist in the days when wasps first began
to multiply on the earth and to build
their houses of paper, the field has been
an open one up to comparatively later
days, and has been well improved and.
enlarged upon. The quality has been
much improved, the quantity greatly in
creased, and the uses to which paperhas
been successfully adapted are many and
i - m i .: -ii-
marvelous. xue wasp was ; onuuiag
much higher than he knew when he went
into the paper-making business. He 4
was a genuine Christopher Columbus.
Paper World.
Domestic Difficulties.
For the fuller understand ing'of the fol
lowing anecdote," it is necessary to intro
duce a third parson, John W., a wealthy
and extensive cotton spinnt r of Oldham,
England, who attended at the weekly
market day at Huddersfield, seventeen
miles distant to supply tho manufactur
ers with cotton warps.
At the baptismal font, amid the clus
tered and massive arches of Oldham
church, he was christened John Wrig
ley; but as the babe grew into a strip
ling, a well-befitting name, indicative of
some peculiar characteris ic, as is the
prevalent custom in the hil ly regions of
northern England, was grac?fully thrown
upon hia shoulders by the presiding
priestess of the neighborhood, and to
have searched for him bv his proper
name would only have been labor in
vain. 1
Fcrtanate indeed would have been the
inquiring stranger, if, in coming across
a group of mirth-loving wives of Old
ham, he heard so ae such remark as
"Oh, I'll tell yo' whoa he means John
o' mi' Gronnv's."
To meet him on the street, his fea
tures bore evidence of the engrossing
care of business, but when seated at the
head of the dinner table, at "The King's
Head," in King street (kept at the time
fifty years ago, by tha rosy-fa-jed host,
Joe Smithies, whose ample rotundity of
person reminded the obser rer of a plen
tiful larder) that look of anxiety had
been left somewhere belosv stairs, and
his face glowed with the genial sun
shine which spring only from a cheerful
hiart. !
Dressed in blue coat, drab knee
breeches and gaiters, he wis, both men
tally and physically, a flc e representa
tion of the English nation md character,
aptly described by the poe::
"Stern o'er ea.h bosim Reason hMd her state
With dating Him irregularly :reat;
Prtde in their port. tletUnce in their eye,
I aee the lord of buiuna kind pass by;
Intent on h'ea denimts. a thou rhtful band.
By form uatauened, fresh from nature' hand,
fierce to tbeir native hardneH of sou
True to imaged rights above control."
The following is a specimen of. the ex
pected tale whereby he would set
the
whole company in a roar of
hilarity, dur-
ing the carving and disc
ussing of the
roast beef, the material, as
the first Na
poleon used to express it when speaking
, . i-t ; ; ii
of his armies, or while
enjoying tue
cherry wine:-
A contest had long been
pending be-
tween Johu No. 1 and his spouse Betty,
as to which, in plain ternsl
should wear
that badge ot governing
power the
breeches.
The matter had been t
he subject of
many a curtain lecture, a la Caudle. It
was after one of extraordinary length
and severity, that an adopted plan, the
result of John s serious cogitations, had
now reached maturity, and
ho resolved
to hazard all on a single c.
list of the die.
Though ever willing "to
render unto
Ctear'tf " he
Creasar the things that are
owned and acknowledged that he owed
a greater part of his virtue and forbear-
ance to tbe exercise ot wvicui bis noisy
wife constantly gave it.
Accordingly, at peep o' dar,' he arose
and transformed, not withd
ut regret, the
coveted unmentionables
to her side of
the room, and proceeded tu arry herself
in ner attire tbe pe
tticoat being
motives, that
actuated bv scrupulous
there should always be a
complete har-
mony between outward appearance and
the internal
government
of the house-
hold..
i
movements
Observing
these novel
which disclosed the fact that the advan
tage of muscle would be I greatly in his
favor, and that even a dernier rosort to
the cudgel would be utterly hopeless.she
exciaimea:
"Yo are not going to
John, are yo ?"
put them on,
I
but I will,
of doors with
"Yaw (he meant yes),
Betty.'
"But yo' winna go out
them on, John, win yo ?
"Yaw. but I will. Betty
This movement in the rear took
Betty
completely aback. Overcome
by the
sudden manner by which
her own
weapons had been turned
and the dreadful aspect w
upon herself,
hich affairs had
assumed, she at once capitulated, con
senting that she would n more dispute
with him the reigning pov er.if he would
only, once again, put on his breeches.
Affairs with John No, 2 j had not so
fortunate a turn.
He and "his better hidf" had met at
the sacred altar of Hymen, eagerly rush
ing into the, golden bondage j of matri
mony, and coming together in middle
life; each as the inheritor of household
furniture.
The honevmoon had sq
arcely passed,
however, ere she claimed that her fur-
niture must be called ."mine," while that
portion bought by him, she authoritively
insisted must be called "ours."
This disturbing element was the cause
of many a war of. words, which one day
terminated in a ucufHe, and tbe ejected
husband suddenly found himself outside
the door and twang went the lock in his
face. What was he to do now? The
wide world and he still wider ocean lay
before him, the prospects of a homeless
wanderer arose vividly to his mental
view. While thus ruminating, the erring
footsteps of a life time were condensed
into the review of one short hour, while
his dreams of connubial felicity vanished
into the air. -
Taking a farewell look at the house
and it surrounding plants another
Paradise lost sad thoughts came thick
and fast.
"Who now shall tear you to the ain, or rank
Your tribeo, and water from tbe ambrorlal fount?
The heart-appalling reality forced the
conviction upon his mind, that "to the
victor belongs the spoils," ahd the cur
tiin falls on the mournful scene, when
the bare-beaded victim is humbly plead
ing at the window of the conquering
heroine, and sole possessor of the
domicile, "would not she hand him out
our hat?"
Poison iu the Sultan's Palace.
Ia November last General Fuad Pasha
was arrested and tried by a tribunal in
the palace of Yilditz. The chirges
against him were of a vague character.
bnt they were founded upon some rash
after-dinner talk attributed to Fuad, who
7a communicative over his champagne.
,Th tribunal found nothing against him
and he wrs released and resumed his du
ties as aid-de-camp to the Sultan. About
three weeks afterward he was again ar
rested and confined in one of the kiosks
in the palace ground?. No charges were
brought against him, but he remained
under arrest until the 28th of January,
when he was released.
A private letter from Constantinople
tells us how the hero of Katchielewo and
Elena regained his liberty: "After re
maining in confinement for more than
three weeks, Fuad declared to hia at
tendants that he could endure it no'
longer, and that he would rather die than
continue to live under such persecutions
as that to which he was subjected; he
was resolved to take no more food. His
attendants thought it merely a "facon de
parler." But Fuad stuck to his word and
for three days he ate no solid food; but
he smoked all day long, consuming from
eighty to one hundred cigarettes per
day. On the evening of the third day
he had a sort of cataleptic fit, and re
mained in a comatose condition for some
hours. This caused much alarm, and
the first chamberlain tcld the story to
the Sultan, who exclaimed:
" 'If he dies what will they Fay out
side?' j
The chamberlain replied:
" 'If he dies it will be said that Fuad
Pasha was poisoned in the palace.'
Whereupon the Sultan ordered that
Fuad Pasha should be sent home wit'i a
present of 500 to console him for what
he had undergone.
" St. James Gazette.
The Traveling Cure.
Three years ago when traveling in
America, one morning, at a little station
we were approaching the Rocky Moun
tains I was astonished to see a very old
and venerable French cure in his usual
garb enter tho car, and as he was evi
dently in some distress of mind, and as
evidently had little command of English.
I asked him in his native language if I
could be of any service to him. There
was a difficulty about a box which I soon
settled, and then we sat down and en
tered into conversation. He soon found
out that I was very much astonished to
see him there; and told me so. I ac
knowledged it. "It is very simple," he
said. "I am very old, and six months
ago I was like to die, and I was doing my
best to prepare myself for the long jour
ney. In my fancies I imagined myself
already in the presence of 'le bon Dieu,'
and I fancied this question addressed to
me: 'M. Ie cure, how did you like the
beautiful world you have left?' I rose
iu my bed as this thought came into my
head, for I I who .figure to yourself
had dared to preach of a better world for
fifty years, was, oh! so ignorant of this.
And I registered a vow that if le bon
Dieu' allowed me to rise from that bed of
sickness I would spend the rest of my
days in admiring His works 'et me
voicif I am only on my journey round
the world; I am going now to Btop at tho
Tosemite Valley a few days en route for
Sau Francisco and Japan, and the box,
Monsieur, which your kiDdness has res
cued for me, contains a little scientific
library, now my constant oompanion in
my delioious wanderings." Norman
Lockyer, in Nature.
The Cup that Cheers.
Now that adulterated tea in to be ex
cluded from American ports it may be
well to tell consumers what they are
about to escape. According to actual
analysis and common report there have
been found in the alleged tea of com
merce, nutgalls, currant leaves, iron fil
ings, filbert husks, sulphate of copper,
-oak bark, hornets' nests and wasps' nests
shredded and colored, acetic acid, aloes,
common green paint, lead in various
forms, desiccated door mats, peach
leaves, tarred rope that had been ground
to powder and soaked in sea water,-' ma
nilla paper, bamboo leaves, vernal grass,
ammonia, arsenic, stable sweepings, and
many other things too numerous and dis
gusting to mention. "Whether any of
these substances have ever paid duty ac
cording to their kfad, instead of tea, is
not known; but there can be no doubt
that such of them as have been imported
in tea boxes have been sold and swal
lowed as tea by people who have the hap
py habit of supposing J that whatever
comes out of a teapot is good to drink.
If the tea of the past has in the main
been cheering, how wildly exciting the
effect of the unadulterated article will
be! N. Y. Herald.
; , V .i -
It takes twenty blows of a hammer in
the hands of a wpman to drive a ten
penny nail three inches. She misses the
nail twice where she hits it once. How
many blows does she strike in all, and
how far can her voice be heard when she
strikes her thnmb?
SHORT BITS.
The first theft: The baby's crib.
The loveliest spot on earth: The ace.
The dairyman's fortune is his milk
maid. '
A heavy mash: "Trnth crushed to
earth."
Hatters are the people oftenest oauijht
napping. .
Everybody's duty is dun on the first
day of January.
What next? A cornet recital U the
latest novelty in concerts.
It is rumored that ex-Senator Tabor
puts on a great many frills.
In some respects Anglomania is only
another word for' assininity.
" From the lowest depth there is a path
to the Joftiest height. Carlyle.
Some men are club-footed, but it is
the policeman who is club-waisted.
It is the very rich men in this country
who can afford to put on million airs.
A quack doctor makes ducks and
drakes of the money of gullible people,
Ctesar had his Brutus, Charles I his
Cromwell, and Senator Kellogg his Price.
New Jersey legislators, it is said, crack
jokes while the chaplain is praying for
them.
"Why does a kiss raise the spirits?"
"Because it's the cream of ta-ta." Har
vard Lampoon.
The painter's belated jest: "I'm always
glad to hear of big crops they bring me
plenty of graining."
Persons who do not understand the
nature of an oath should not undertake
to use the telephone.
A policeman wears a uniform so that a
person engaged in devilment may see
him ooming and get a vay.
No matter now conscientious a cigar
dealer may be he will never display a
cabbage leaf as an emblem of his busi
ness. Diamonds should be washed regularly,
but it is not necessary to hang them out
on a line in the back yard. New Orleans
Picayune.
Dorsey, it is said, does not believe in
God. It may also be said that God does
not believe in Dorsey. Louisville Courier-Journal.
Many teachers of our public schools
are now absent because of ill health.
Sixty substitutes are now employed.
Boston Traveler.
New York has plenty of milk now.
The warm weather has released the ice
imprisoned brooklets of Orange county.
Boston Traveler.
There was no ice on the ground when
Adam fell, but the jar reverberated down
through the corridors of the centuries.- ,
N. Y. Commercial.
It is said that the name of a well
inown Massachusetts ale brewer ia
Drinkwater. That's all there is in some
names. Exchange.
The ground-hog and goose-bone, not
haying published an almanac, still main
tain their reputation as weather prophets.
Norristown Herald.
German geographers propose to chris
ten a portion of the Northern Ocean the
Nordekskjold sea. Don't, it's kjedd
enough now. Lowell Courier.
Notwithstanding tbe "backwardness
of the season," Easter bonnets this year
are ripe two weeks earlier than they wore
last year." Norristown Herald.
Talk about your hop producing re
gions! Your old-fashioned arm chair
with tbe bent pin attachment holds over
everything of that quality. Exchange.
What man is there whom contact with '
a great soul will not exalt? A drop of '
water npon the petals of a lotus glistens
with the splendors of the pearl.
Hindu. (
The man who will invent a sealakin
sacque which can be worn in the summer
time will gain the everlasting regard of
thousands of American women. The
Diummer.
Senator Tabor, of Colorado, rising to
make his maiden speech, tbe other day,
said: "Mr. President, I am paired with
the gentleman from Hampton, Mr. South -Carolina.".
,
A calculation shows that a Dundee
spinner must spin Bixty miles of yarn to
earn $2. Almost any country store can
produce men that will spin a longer yarn
fo'r nothing.
To thoroughly enjoy the old song, "A
Life on tbe Ocean Wave," remarks a
friend who hat experienced the horrors
of seasickness, you must a life on the
ocean waive.
A new diploma factory has been dis
covered by the Detroit Post. - It obseives
that the late Vice President pro torn, has
conferred the degree of M. D. on Miss
Ad die Burr. !
A New York druggist is going to open
a soda fountain in London this summer.
It will be fun to see the Englishmen sit
down to wait for the foam to settle.
Detroit Free Press.
That was a bold man, a defendant in a
recent divorce suit, who said that he
would rather marry all the women in the
world than pay $5,000, the amount sug
gested as a compromise.
A lady leaving home was thus ad
dressed by her little boy: "Martina,
will yon remember and buy me a penny
whistle? And let it be a religious one so
that I can use it on Sunday."
Tho old Vermont man who heard that
there were wildcat mines in Utah said
that if the pesky wildcats were down in
the bowel b of the earth, people must be
dreadful fools to digs 'em up.- Boston .
Post.
A fashion item states that "the Boston
young man ia beginning to wear eye
glasses and knee-breeches." Well, the
one necessitates the other. The average
Boston young man needs the eye-glasses
in order to see his legs. -Puck.
French Beans a la Pumlette. Choose
some young and tender French beann.re
move all fibers by breaking off the ends;
wash, and boil in boiling water; when
done, toss them in melted butter sea
soned with chopped chives and parsley;
stir in a litte flour, a pinch of salt, and
some stock, rednoe the sauce, thkkeu
with yolks of egg.flavor with a f aw drops
of lemon, aui serve.