.V
f
i I
1
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, SEPTEMBER 22, 1882.
NO. 7.
VOL. III.
CO
Jy
A YTEDI' UOWX.
"Oh, missus, missus! Soniefins done
happened." .
i Blank horror aud dismay were depicted
upon Lha face of my small African, as
she stood upon my threshold with up
raised hands and eyeballs that seemed
starting from their sockets. Her pause
was one of preparation, for with the
innate consideration of her race she
sought to break the news gently to me,
but the 'bnrd'eu of it was too great for
her, aud with the next breath sho ex
claimed: "Dem pigs done chawed up Miss
Lyddy's weddin' gown!"
'"Glory," I exclaimed (she had been
piously "christened "(Horiana.) "Glory,
how did it happen?"
"Dnnno," said Glory. "Tears to me
de:a pigs ha9 got Satan iu 'era. Guoss
dey's 'scended from de ole lot what run
down a steep place inter the sea. I'll go
an' fetch ve a puce."
She sped out and instantly returned
with a tattered shred of India mull that
had once been white, and still bore some
resemblance to a gown. Poor Miss
Lyddy! This was all that remained of
her dream of wedding splendor. It was
too pitifu ! I felt at one that the bonds
of good neighborhood had been irre
trievably broken, and that Major Haw
thorne must be made aware of this last
and :rst depredation of his unseemly
pigs.
"But who would break the news
Miss Lvddy?'
"Glory," said I, "where is she?"
"Gone over to de burryin' place
to
to
visit Ce ancestors." answered Glory.
Poor, faithful soul; even in tlie last
days of her maidenhood, witii the vague
terrors of matrimony and the still more,
appalling responsibilities of unsaved
heathen souls hauging over her, she did
not forget the ancestors. Long lines of
Ludkins-s lav buried in little sunken
hillocks in the family burying place,
which lay just in siht of her sitting
room window. She herself was the last
of her race, and until within three weeks
it had seemed that the only fate" which
awaited her was to live out her little
space under the ancestral roof tree, and
then take her place in the silent ranks of
those who had gone before. But a change
had come. It came in the person of a
returned missionary from the Microne
sian Islands, who had buried the first
and second partners of his joys and sor
rows somewhere under the palm trees of
those tropical lands, and had come back
to the scenes of his youth to recruit his
health, serve the cause, and look np
partner No. 3. He met Miss Lyddy at
a woman's missionary metting. He called
the next uiternoon and was invited to
stav to tea. He accepted the invitation,
and next morning Miss Lyddy came into
mv room for I, too. domiciled under
the Ludkins roof tree, for a consideration
and with much hesitation and many
faint and delicate blushes, informed me
that she had premised to share the future
lot with with the Itev. Xehemiah Apple
bloom, to take care of bw six children,
and to support him in his arduous labors
among the heathen of the Micronesian
Islands.
I was struck dumb with amazement.
"Miss Lyddy," I caid at length, "have
you duly considered this project?"
Her thin figure quivered, and her
white face that yet had a delicate re
membrance of youth in it, grew tender
with feeling.
"Yes," she said, "I think I
have always had a presentiment
have
that
should marry a minister or a mission
ary." Admirable and prophetic faith!
"And Mr. Applebloom says he knew the
moment he set eyes upon me that I was
ordained to be his wife; so you see it is
not the surprise to either of us that it is
likely to be to our friends."
I knew then that her mind was fully
m-de up. I demurred no longer, but
lent myself at once to discussion of the
wedding, which I plainly saw was what
Miss Lyddy desired of me.
"You will be married in church I sup
pose?" -
"Oh, no," said Miss Lyddy, with gen
tle decision. "I am the last of the Lud
kinses. All the Ludkinses have been
married at home. I will go out from un
der my own roof tree. ' If I must seem
to forsake the ancestors" she paused to
regulate a little choking in her throat
"I will at least not forsake their tradi
tions. I shall leave a little money with
the parish clerk, that he may see" that the
graves of my dead are kept in proper or
der, as I always have loved to keep them,
and I hope they will forgive my depar
ture; but I will at least go as a Ludkins
should. It is my desire to be married in
my grandmother's wedding gown."
Miss Lyddy's voice trembled, and
there was a humidity in her eyes, at
which I did not wonder, for it was much
like a funeral, after all.
"I thought perhaps," went on Miss
Lyddy, "if I brought the venerated
relic to you, you would tell me if any
thing were necessary to be done to fit it
to me. I don't care for the fashions, yon
know, and my grandmother, as I remem
ber her, was about rny height, but still,
you know something some changes
might be advisable."
"Certainly," I said,, "do bring it to
me. I should so like to see it."
"It is sprigged India (she called it
Ingy) mull. My grandfather, C-iptain
Simon Ludkins, brought it home from
over the seas. I'll bring it."
Like some pale and gentle ghost f?h'e
rose then and went to a bureau drawer
and unrolled, from folds of linen that
smelt of lavender, the frail relict of Mrs,
Capt. Simon Ludkins' wedding state. It
was fine embrodered mull, the undoubted
product of Indian looms.
"It is lovely," I said, "and so well
kept that it will be just the thing for
you. Will you try it on? We can then
tell just what it needs."
Miss Lyddy proceeded to disrobe her-
self and put on the spider net gown. As
she did so, the changes in fashion's man
date became only too evident. It had
no waist to 3peak of, and just a little lace
trimmed puff for sleeves. Miss Lyddy
was evidently surprised. She bad not
thought of this. I knew well what the
troubled look upon her face meant, and
I pitied her maiden sensibilities. Could
it be possible that her grandmother.Mrs.
Capt. Simon Ludkins, had ever worn
such a gown as this? She said not a
word that could indicate tlie depth of
her mortification, but her face was a
study for an artist. j
"There must be sleoven,";she mur
mured, after a few moments jsilent em
barrassed contemplation. J
"Yes," I replied cheerfully as my con
strained gravity would allow. j"And you
might have a fichu, and a flounce on the
bottom."
She looked down. She had not before
realized that the skirt of the I venerable
relic lacked a full quarter of a yard of
touching the floor. j
"However conld theyf 'they ejaculated
in an undertone. But she quickly re
covered herself, and looked ;up to me
cheerfully over her spectacles.!
"How ingenuous you are!" j she said,
with an air of sweet relief. "I, knew you
would help me out." j
We went out together to buy the
requisite mull that day, but when we
came to put it beside the ''venerated
relic" of Mrs. Capt. Ludkins. it was
vi.lfnt that time had so enriched the
color of the latter that the two were most
unfortunately unlike.
"We can lay it out on the grass," I
said; "those June dews are just the
thing for it, and as it will be evening no
body will in the least notice." j
Again Miss Lyddy smiled gratefully,
and declared that my suggestion should
be carried out in the most faithful man
ner, j
The Kev. Neheniiah Applebloom "A
lovely name, don't yon think so?" siid
Miss Lvddy, and she blushed and smiled
like a schoolgirl in her teens had but a
short furlough, aud the marriage was to
transpire the next week, so the relic was
put out to bleach forthwith. It had al
ready been put upon the grass three
davs'ani nights and had been religiously
watered by Miss Lyddy at morn and
noon and dewy eve, and the next day it
was to be taken up early and put into
the dressmaker's hands for the necessary
alterations, when the dreadful event oc
curred with which this narrative opens.
"Glory." I said, "do you keep watch
or Miss'Liddy when she returns. Say
nothing about what has happened unless
she misses the gown from the grass. In
that case tell her that I thought it was
bleached enough and took it np to dry,
and you don't know where I have put it.
I am going out now, but if I she asks
where, tell her you don't know."
Glory was faithful, and had, besides,
the natural craft of her race, and I knew
that she could be trusted. As for me, I
swiftlv donned my bonnet and set out to
find Maj. Hawthorne. It was ja bright
June evening, and my walk through the
meadow and grove that skirted Haw
thornedean would have been a more de
lightful one if I had borne a mind more
at ease. The Major was a gentleman by
birth, but he had lived out his fifty
bachelor years in a gay and careless way
that had seemed to set the gentler part
of creation at defiance. In the'lifetime
of his parents Hawthornedeau had been
au estate. It still retained many marks
of wealthy and cultivated ownership.but
it was sadly run down, as the home of a
bachelor was apt to be. The grove,
which had once" been the pride of the
place, was grown up to brush now, and
the sere leaves of many summers'
growth rustled under my feet as I walked
through it. At one point, coming sud
denly around a thick clump ofj under
growth, I heard a chorus of tiny snorts,
and the scampering of numberless hoofs,
and knew that I had invaded thej haunts
of the Major's last agricultural freak, the
very brood of Berkshire pigs that were
the source of all my borrowed woes.
Away they scampered, theii snouts well
raised in air, and each, with a purl in
his tail that seemed too ornamental to be
wholly the product of nature and to jus
tify the village rumor that' the Major's
own men put them in curl papers every
night. They had the air of spoiled chil
dren, every one, and were evidently the
Major's pets. But that didn't jmatter;
they had ruined Miss Lyddy's wedding
gown, to say nothing of other aggravat
ing exploits which do not belong; to this
story, and I was determined to have sat
isfaction out of their owner. j
I found the Major sitting on his piazza,
with an after dinner look upon his hand
some, good humored face. He :rose to
greet me with an air of old school, polite
ness, dashed with a faint wonder jthat I,
a woman, should have had the hardihood
to approach a place so little frequented
bv women.
"Good evening, Miss Grace.
I am
I hive
that I
harmv to see vou. In what can
the honor to serve you."
He had read my face and knew
had come on a mission.
"Maior Hawthorne," I said, ppying no
attention to his offer of a chair, "I have
come on a very painful errand."
"Sit down, madam," said the Iajor,
politely. "I can not possibly permit a
lady to stand on my piazza. I 'ought,
perhaps, to ask you to walk in, but it is
rat her stuffy inside this evening." j
"No," I said, I will sit here ;if you
please." To tell the truth, inlobrs, as
seen through the windows, had hot the
most inviting look, and I was glad to
compromise.
"You have no doubt heard' plunging
in medias res. "that Miss Lyddy a1 Lud-
Una is ftbnnt to be married." I
"Married! Miss Lyddya! No! Hadn't
heard a word of it, said the 31a
genuine amazement. "Who is t
tunato man, pray?"
or, in
lie for-
"The Ilev. Nchemiah Applebloom, a
missionary to the Micronesian Islands,
who has come home to repruit his health
and find a wife."
"I know him," said the Major. 'Saw
him down at the station a long, lean,
lank individual just fit for his vocation;
no temptation whatever to cannibals! But
what the deuce is he going to do with
Miss Lyddy? What will Balaam's Cor
ners do without her?"'
"Balaam's Corners must do the best it
can," I said I fear a little sharply for
my mind was still in a most aggressive
state toward the Major.
"They are to be married next week,
and"
"What will become of the ancestors? "
interpolated the Major, in whom surprise
seemed to have gotten the better ot habit
ual politeness.
"Oh, she has made arrangements with
Mr. Crow about that.'
"Just like her. Dear, faithful girl."
The Major had all his life loved all the
sex not one and I was not to be
beguiled by this show of feeling.
"She had set her heart upon being
married in her grandmother's wedding
gown."
"Old Mrs. Capt. Simon? I remember
her well. A mighty fine woman. She
never would have gone to the ends of
the earth with a missionary. It's the
craziest scheme I ever heard of."
I began to fear I should never get to
mv errand.
'"It was put out on the grass to bleach,
being a little yellow with age. It was a
lovely embroidered India muslin that
the old captain brought home from India
himself."
"How well I remember him in my
boyhood! A jolly old soul! A grand
daughter of his go off to the Cannibal
Islands to be eaten up by savages! I
won't have it!"
"Her heart is set upon going," I con
tinued. "The wedding gown was set
out to bleach, and this very afternoon
those little Berkshire pigs of yours
they are a nuisance to the whole neigh
borhood, Major trampled and rotted
it to pieces, so that it is utterly ruined."
"Little black rascals!" said the Major,
with a chuckle behind his neckcloth.
"And I have come, without her knowl
edge, to tell you of it, because I was
sure that, under the circumstances, a
gentleman of your breeding would feel
in honor bound to make some reparation
to Miss Lyddy."
The Major mused and looked at his
boot for a moment in silence.
"Miss Grace," he said at length. "I
thank vou for the service you have ren
dered ine in this matter. Will you have
the goodness to say to Miss Ludkins,
with my compliments, that I shall do
niyselr the honor to wait upon her to
morrow at 10 o'clock, to adjust this un
fortunate matter? 1 beg in the mean
time that she will give herself as little
solicitude as possible, for though I can
not restore the ancient and venerable dry
goods, I will do the best that is possible
under the circumstances to make the loss
good."
He bowed over my hand, and the au
dience was evidently concluded. Was I
satisfied? No, indeed! What woman
would not have felt wronged to be left
at the end of a mission of disinterested
benevolence in such a state of doubt and
uncertainty as this?. But I was obliged
to go home, nevertheless, and wait as
patiently as I could for the stroke of ten
next morning.
Glory had beea in hearing when the
mebsage had leen delivered to Miss
Lyddy, and she, too, was on the watch.
At last she scudded in from the hedge,
her ivories all aglisten, and her eyes
wide open and full of a rather incompre
hensible mirth.
"He's a comin'," she said; "and such a
sight!"
At that minute the gate clicked, and
up the walk strode, indeed, a most as
tonishing figure. The Major had gotten
himself up in a continental suit, which
he must have fished out of the unknown
depths'of the'ancient attics of Hawthorne
dean; black velvet coat with lace ruffles
at the wrist, knee breeches, white satin
waistcoat, slippers with shoe buckles,
powdered wig, and cocked hat. Ho was
six feet tall, portly and well formed, and
he looked every inch a signer of the dec
laration at the very least. He was fol
lowed by his colored man, who carried a
liirrrft. lirnwn naner narcel.
? : - .. . . ,, i
He's come a courtin missus,
Baiu
Glory, ' ye can see it in his face."
I had not the instinct of Glory,
doubted: but what his errand was I
and
was
dying to know.
But he disappeared into Miss Lyddy's
parlor, and I was left outside to temper
my impatience as best I could. Pres
ently Glory entered on tiptoe.
"Missus, missus," she whispered, "de
do's swung open jest de leas' crack, an
it's jest opposite de big murror, an if ye
come out here in de hall ye can see it all
in do murror, as plain as day, an' it's a
heap better'n a play."
It was a temptation, but believe me,
dear reader, I resisted it. Only, as
Glory ran back to her peeping, I fol
lowed to pull her away and send her out
of door that was simply my duty and
there he was full on bis knees before her,
and she with that rapt seraphio look
upon her face which no woman ever
wears except on the most vitally inter
esting occasions. But Glory disposed of,
I went back to my sewing and waited as
best I could the conclusion of the mo
mentous interview. The Major came
out at length, as smiling as a May morn
ing, leaving the brown paper parcel be
hind him.
It was very still in Miss Lyddy's room
for a quarter of an hour, and then she,
too, emerged from her retreat. Spread
over her hands was a gown of cream col
ored brocade embellished with the love
liest roses in full bloom, with blue forget-me-nots
trailing here and there among
them. It had au ample waist, elbow
sleeves, and a train a yard and a half long.
"My dear Gracie," said she. "The
Major has brought me his mother's wed
ning gown to be married in."
"It is beautiful," I said; "but who is
to be the bridegroom?"
She smiled as angels do, and looked
afar, a delicate flutter of pink hung out
in her cheek to deprecate her recreancy,
as she whispered in a tone of gentle but
consummate triuniph: "The Major
himself! Didn't he look grand in his
knee breeches?"
"And Mr. Applebloom?"
"Major Hawthorne will adjust that
matter."
"That matter," indeed! She spoke as
though it, were already ' as remote from
her ts the pyramid; p..
"I congratulate you, Miss Lyddy," I
said, growing formal, for she had
behaved shamefully.
"Don't blame me," she murmured.
"Major Hawthorne declares he has loved
me since I was a child, but never thought
himself worthy of me, the gay deceiver;
and Mr. Applebloom, you know, is only
the acquaintance of a day."
I wanted to ask her how she had dis
posed of her presentiment, but I did not
dare.
Major Hawthorne subscribed fifty dol
lars to the Micronesian mission, and
sent Mr. Applebloom elsewhere to look
for a wife, and the verdict of Balaam's
Corners was that he had done the hand
some thing.
" 'Fore goodness!" said Glory, "ef
dere weren't a cl'ar relation between dem
pigs an' providence, den I don't know
nothin'."
Miss Lyddy took the same pious view
of the matter, and made the Major the
most dainty and dignified of wives.
And then Comes Seed Time.
Our farmers will soon be done the har
vest, and then follows seed-time for all
summer-fallowed land. It was formerly
the practice to wait till the early rains
had softened the clods and mellowed the
summer-fallowed lands before sowing.
It was observed, however, that volunteer
grain coming forward with the first rains
got a good start in the warm fall weather
and warm soil, and that with this early
start they kept growing right on through
the succeding winter, and come to ma
turity early and yielded better crops than
the well-cultivated summer-fallow sown
late in the season. It was observed also
that the earlier sown grain on summer
fallowed lands generally made better
crops than late-sown grain on equally
good soil in an equally good state of
cultivation. These observations led to
the conclusion that the closer nature was
followed in the matter of seeding the
better. The volunteer was nature's
mode of sowing. The grain dropped
from the ear at the time of harvest lay on
the dry soil or in the small cracks or
crevices without germination till the
rains moistened the soil and caused the
seed to sprout. Dry sowing is simply
following nature in regard to the time
of seeding. By summer-fallowing the
land we help na'ture, by giving the grain
a good mellow seed bed, in which the
roots can strike deep down and grow
large and strong even during the coldest
winter weather. Experience is now
highly in favor of summer-fallowing and
dry or early sowing. Dry sowing may
be commenced any time now when
farmers are ready to go at it. Seed is
preserved just as well in the dry soil as
in die sack or bin, and the sooner this
work follows harvest the better.for when
out of the way other winter work, such
as getting wood and fencing, etc., may
be attended to.
IliDse Horrible Primary Colors.
" Miss Lightfoot, of Baltimore," says
the Washington critic, "tells a funny
story of Oscar Wilde. When the es
thete was introduced, she made conver
sation as she would for any other
stranger. He had mentioned at the club
that he was going to New Orleans to
look up some property left him by a
relative, and when she had exhausted
the or dinary 'airy nothing' she .asked:
"When do you go South, Mr. Wilde?"
"South? South? Why, ah! what do
you mean, Miss Lightfoot, by South?"
"Why, you know, Mr. Wilde, you are
only on the border of the Southern
States!"
"Ah! What are the Southern States?
And then she entered into a little ac
count of the subdivision of the country,
to which he responded so stupidly that
at last she laughed and said:
"You have never studied geography,
Mr. Wilde?"
"Oh, no!" was the response; "never,
never, I could not, for the.colors on the
maps are so discordant, and they dis
tress me. I never could bring myself to
look at them!"
Ills Way.
A stranger who was having his boots
blacked at the postoffice corner Saturday
felt somewhat interested in the "shiner"
and observed:
"Boy, do you go to school?"
"No, sir."
"Are you good in figures?"
"I dunno."
"If I had ten cents and gave you five,
how much would I have left?"
"That isn the way I figger," replied
the boy after a moment's reflection. "If
I black yer butes fer five cents and you
don't pay I'll foller ye and throw ten
cents' worth of mud on the job!"
The man settled before the other boot
was touch6d. Detroit Free Press.
The excellencies of a man's nature are
often the means of his fall and ribe, and
of ten afford the platform for his most
dangerous temptations and keenest soy
rows. Rev. S. P. Herron.
Common Sense About the Flanp.
Little girls fear the piano, and long for
the time when, having at last mastered
its difficulties, they will not be called
upon to play upon it any more; while
numberless great girls regard it as one of
the many nuisances which they must put
np with until they get married: Once,
however, liberate young women from
thaf piano to which like serfs they have
so long been "assigned" but not "at
tached," and some of them will take to
cultivating it for its own sake; while the
remainder will at least spare both them
selves aiid their friends a considerable
amount of annoyance.
The enormous j difficulty of modern
piano-forte music constitutes in itself a
reason why in the Bdncation of oung
girls the piano should not, like "dancing
and deportment," be made obligatory. A
woman can get through life so well with
out playing the piano; and for a few
shillings, or even in extreme cases for
a single shilling, she can, if her
lot happens to be cast in London,
hear from time to time the finest players
that this great pianoforte-play ing age has
ever produced. It is not because the
piano is unworthylof her attention that
woman should be liberated from the task
work imposed upon her in connection
with it. It is because music, like every
other art, demands from its votaries spec
ial gifts and inclinations, and because
among women who are thus endowed it
is a mistake to suppose that the piano is
the only instrument suitable to them.
Let it be understood in the first place
that it is no more a disgrace for a young
lady not to play th piano than it is a dis
grace for her not to draw, to paint, or to
model; and, in the second place, that if
she does mean to play some instrument
it is a mistake for her to
restrict herself as1 a matter of course to
the piano. Next to the organ the piano
is, thanks to the orchestral effects which
it can be made to produce, the finest in
strument in the world; and it is the only
instrument for which every great compo
ser writes as a matter of course, and for
which every great composer's orchestral
works are arranged in reduced form. To
praise, at the expense of the piano, the
violin, which except when "tours de
force" are indulged in yields like the
human voice but a j single note, is a very
common thing, but is one we should not
care to undertake.: The violin, to be
effective in a truly musical sense, must,
like the human voice, be accompanied
either by the orchestra or by the piano
forte, or by other members of the violin
family. The pianoforte is (putting aside
of course, the two j colossal .organ), the
only instrument which, for harmonic as
well as melodic purposes, is complete in
itself, and which is really aa orchestra in
a little. j
There are good reasons, then, why all
who care much for music should stud
the piano, but no reason why they should
study the piano exclnsiuely. Often in
the same family there are two, three and
even four pianists, j How much aud how
advantageously the musical domain of
such a family would be increased if, with
or without neglect of the piano, the in
struments of the violin family were
taken up, with a view not necessarily to
string quartets, but, at least to the
numerous pieces written by great com
posers for violin or violonoello, and
piauo. "The violin I include always
the viola and violoncello is no doubt,"
says Mr. Hullah in I his excellent little
work on "Musio in the House," "a diffi
cult instrument; but the difficulty of ac
quiring a serviceable amount of skill on
it has been much exaggerated. To be?
come a Joachim, a Holmes, or a Piatti, is
the work of a lifetime, even for men
gifted with equal aptitude and persever
ance to these turned to ac
count under skillful - guidance
and at the right time of life, and
supplemented and encouraged by a thou
sand circumstances as impossible to take
account of as to bring about and foresee.
But there is an amount of skill below
very much below that of artists of this
class which, if accompanied by feeling,
taste and intelligence, may contribute
largely to the variety and agreeableness
of music in the .house." It may be
hoped that in a few years, without the
number of our domestic pianists being
too much diminished, that of our domes
tic violinists will be considerably in
creased. Some half dozen lady violinists
have appeared this seasop in London
public concerts, who possess the very
highest merit; and at; a half private, half
public concert given recently at Stafford
House for the benefit of a charity, the
chief attraction was a string band con
sisting of no less than twenty-four lady
executants. The diversion, then, of
feminine tallent from'; the piano towards
the violin, is not a movement which has
to be originated; it needs only to be en
couraged. St. James Gazette.
Most too Briny.
"Father," began the boy as he looked
up from his First History, "are silver
mines very fresh?" i
"Fresh ! What do you mean?"
"Why, they have to put salt into 'em
to make 'em keep don't they?"
"What nonsense! I don't understand
you." j
"Well, I heard some men in the car
say that you salted a j silver mine and
made a hundred thousand dollars, and I
wanted to ask what the salt was for."
The way that boy was hustled off to
bed made him dream of cyclones . all
night. j
A street railway has, been laid between
Athens and the Piraus, which serves the,
whole city, passing by the Parthenon
and the Acropolis. But what a prosaic,
Averv-dav sort of acre this is when such
things can be as horse cars in the land of
the ancient Greeks. ',
PITII AND I'OLNT.
"A source of anxiety:" The head of a
turbulent river.
Cold, moist weather has affected Penn
sylvania's honey crop.
Chance is a word void of sense; noth
ing can exist without a cause. Voltaire.
Little Boar's Head, N. H., is threat
ened with the erection of a Blaine sum
mer cottage. ;
The chief glory of man does not con
sist in never falling, but in arising every
time he falls. ;
L is at Birmingham, Conn., where
Clara Prima Louise Donna Kellogg has
summered down. I
. A. daily paper half one big advantage
over the human face. It can every now
and then add new features.
The enlarged Sunday edition of tho
New York Daily News is everywhere re
ceived with unqualified favor.
Camden's Post is of the opinion that
systematic lying doesn't "make customers
any quicker than it makes votes.
Hard on a would-be Governor: "Gen
eral Beaver lost his leg in his country's
cause, and his head in Cameron's.'
f Williamsport Sun.
It is fashionable for Newport belles to
read Goethe by listlessly holding the vol
ume in their laps, with its pages upside
down.
Captain Von Eisendecher, who has
just left the post of Envoy from Germany
to Japan, is to be transferred to Wash
ington, name and all.
There seems to be bolting and kicking
out of the traces all over the country.
Ileason the country has more great men
than offices Mobile Begistcr.
"Yes, I'm opposed to caste," said
Madame Ringsparkle to a Saratoga ac
quaintance, "but really, my dear, there
should be line of extinction!" Her friend
agreed with her. American Queen.
"Sweet sixteen" is all bosh when re
ferring to a girl. At that age she is the
crossest and most imprudent of any
period of her life, being too old to
spank, and not old enough to box her
inother.
The Norristown Herald is authorized
to announce that at the last convention
of undertakers held in New York it was
resolved substitute the toy-pistol for
the kerosene-oil can as the emblem of
the order.
The Imperial Gazette of China cele
brated its one thousand five hundredth
birthday last month. The founder of the
paper was detained by business Detroit
Free Press. You mean by "a press of
matter," don't you ?
Herbert Spencer says he may publish
his notes of what he sees in America.
You bet he will ! Where is the English
man who ever scribbled that didn't write
up what he saw, and thought he saw, in
Yankeeland?
An advertisement in a New York paper
eads: "Wanted A man accustomed to
handling snakes," which leads us to ask:
"Will not a man accustomed to seeing
snakes be a serviceable man for the posi
tion ? Philadelphia Sun.
Festive host (who has been told by hii
wife to make himself agreeable) "Un
common slow, ain't it, Sir Pompey ?
Fact is, my wife thought it would be
rather fun to ask all the bores who've
asked us and get 'em to meet each other
and pay them off in that way, you knowl
And she did, by Jove! And the best of
it is, they've all come!"
A Coney Island horse-jockey who died
the other day confessed to having par
ticipated in thirteen "put-up" races
where it was arranged beforehand which
horse was to win.
Hbrrled ITomen and Property.
The incapacity of a married woman to
be rated even in respect of her own
house in which she lives -with her hus
band is due to the fact that, except to
the very limited extent allowed by the
Married Women's Property Act, a wire is
still unable to hold property without the
intervention of trustees. The owners of
a house settled to the wife's separate use
are, in contemplation of law, not the
wife nor the husband, but the trustees,
who allow the husband and wife to live
in it. The effect of this permission is to
constitute the husband legal occupier.
Such occupation as the wife has, is, in
law, the occupation of the husband; and
although the trustees hold for her, yet
when, with their sanction, she and her
husband live in the house, the effect is the
same as if the trustees were strangers to
her. The wife is thus excluded from
offices fer which rating is a qualification,
but under some circumstances the parish
might seriously be embarrassed. The
husband being the rate payer, the wife's
furniture cannot be seized for the rates,
although it is in the house rated; so that
if the husband has no property, the only
way open to the parish of enforcing the
rates is to put the husband in jail until
the wife pays them. Such are tho ano
malies which arise from retaining the
shadow of the old rule by which hus
band and wife are one, and that one the
husband, while the substance has long
departed. All that is required is a sim
ple enactment making married woman
capable of holding property. London
Law Journal.
Sleepers. A sleeper is one who sleeps.
A sleeper is that in which the sleeper
sleeps. A sleeper is that on which the
sleeper which carries the sleeper while
he sleeps runs. Therefore, while the
sleeper sleeps in the sleeper the
sleeper carries the sleeper over the
sleeper under the sleeper until the
sleeper which carries the sleeper jumps
off the sleeper and wakes the sleeper in
the sleeper, and there is no sleeper in the
sleeper on the sleeper. .
p
1.
r
? j
i
i ;
i !
V !
1 i