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VOL. II.
ST. HELENS, COLUMBIA COUNTY, OREGON, JUNE 16, 1882.
NO. 45.
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MBI A f . .
THE COL
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TILL DEATH US TART.
BY P SAN STANLKY.
These beautiful linos were first published af
ter his death by the Siwtator, and were evi
dently written after the death of his wife, Lady
Augusta Stanley.
"Till Death us part."
So speak the heart;
When each to each repeats the words of doom;
Through blossins; and through curse,
For better and for worse,
"We will be one, till that drad hour shall come.
Life, with its myriad grajw.
Our earning souls shall claps.
Iv ceaseless .love aud still expectant wonder;
In bonos that shall endure,
Indissoluble sure,
Till God in death shall part our paths assunder.
''Till Death us join,"'
O voice yet more divine!
That t- the broken" heart breathes hope sublime
Throu gh lonely hours,
And shattered powers.
We still are one, despite of change anil time
Death, with his healing band,
Shall once more knit the band
Which needs but that one link which none may
sever;
Till, through the Only Good,
Heard, felt, and understood,
Our life in God shall make us one forever.
WORSE THIN A UHOST.
BY A. YOUXG.
Tho winter of 1S2G-7
severe, even for tbat
Jack Frost holds high
was extremely
country whre
carnival. Nova
Scotia.
For six months there was a level white
ness of dazzling splendor. JLhe in
trusted snow became firm as ice, render
iug roads unnecessary. Fences and
shrubberies were things of tbe buried
past, and offered no impediment to the
flying sleighs. The graceful, verdure-
clad, forest-tinned mountains, rising
from either side of our beautiful valley,
. could be likened to nothing under the
sun but exaggerated sugar-loaves.
But to me, it was a glorious, enchant-
in. winter the first I had known of
angels coming upon earth, and by their
beauty andasweetness, turning it into a
paradise; or, in other words, it was the
first winter I had known love.
The previous autumn our beloved pas
tor, who had been a widower for many
years, surprised his congregation and
friends at large by bringing to the par
sonage a .wife, the widow of a British
officer, and a lady of great beauty and
refinement. With her came a daughter
fifteen 3 ears of age: but the child, as I
-jtv?-e'dsrc?tl Jjt, b-rd not the slightest i
terest for me.
I had arrived at that stage of hobble-
dehoyism when all feminines tinder the
age of twentj-five were looked upon by
me with the most supreme indifference;
and, moreover, I had the satisfaction of
considering myself irresistible to those
whom I honored with my attention.
I accordingly arrayed myself in "kill
ing" attire, and sauntered forth, one
frosty night, bent on conquering the new
wife. I came away from the minister's
house forever conquered by the "new
wife's" daughter,. Lilian.
Wheshe entered the parlor, where!
was chatting pleasantly with the mother,
I started to my feet with astonishment
for the slip of a girl, whom Iliad thought
too insignificant for my notice, was more
lovely than I had dreamed mortal could
be. She was quite tall, and, in spite of
her tender years, her form was moulded
in perfect symmetry, and every motion
was grace itself.
At the first glance I could distinguish
nothing clearly; there seemed to rise be
fore me a brilliant combination of white,
pink and gold; but as she drew near, I
was spell-bound by her wonderful eyes.
Were they brown or blue, I could not
tell. I could onlythink of the soft vel
vet of the pansy, and wonder at their
glory. ' , "
That night opened to me a new phase
of existence, and I walked homeward
under the twinkling stars, dreaming
strange dreams of wild impossibilities,
woven thick with golden tresses and soft
velvet eyes.
The Christmas of that year brought
with it unusual festivities. My mother
gave a party, and invited every one far
and near. ' The old, gray, weather
stained walls grew young again with the
sweet laughter of children.
The tables fairly groaned under their
load of delicacies,andjwere partaken of by
numerous guests with true the zest that
a. clear conscience and good appetite al
ways give. The evening was devoted to
games and dancing, in which both old
and young joined, heartily forgetful of
the past hours, until some of the more
hteady-going ones were horrified to find
themselves out of bed after 12 o'clpek
a dissipation they had not ben guilty of
for years. Then came a hasty gathering
of wraps and heating of bricks and they
were gone. After hearing the last sleigh
bell die away in the distance, I entered
the house, and was made sujureniely
happy by finding that Lillian and a
yonng friend were to remain with ns for
a few days.
The clouds had been threatening dur
ing the day, and as night closed in,
there came with it a solemn stillness,
and the air was soft and stilling with un
f alien snow. Before morning it com
menced falling gently and with no ap
pearance of violence at first; but gradu
ally the wind rose to a furious gale, and
the air was dense with whirling, hissing
snow. The sky closed down upon the
earth like a huge pall, and the black
ness of death lay upon the valley. For
seven days and nights the storm raged
with unabated fury. The doors and
windows were blockaded by the drifting
snow, and an arctic night reigned
throughout that long-to be-remembered
week.
To this day, children gather around
the old men and women, and listen with
wondering eyes to the story of "The
Snow Storm." How the bright, promis
ing lad, "the flower of the family, by
long odds," perished at his own door;
that he was supposed to be safe with
friends until his body was found while
digging a path to the barn; how many of
the cattle died from thirst, while others
were wounded unto death by the horns
of their companions, who, driven to
madne s, broke loose from their stanch
ions, and so on. Tae stories are legion
that had their birth in that storm.
Happily we had no such severe expe
riences. Our woodshed and barns were
joined to the house by covered passages
and aside from the anxiety felt for our
neighbors, and a sensation as of being
buried alive, we got along very well,
devoting ail our waking hours to amuse
ments of the lightest sort. My father
threw aside his habitual reserve, and
played "blind-man's buff" and "pussy
wants a corner" with all the agility of
yo.rfh. Ho-also astonished us by siugiug
old ballads, learned years and year?, be
fore, and for the first time in my life I
awoke to the fact that at some remote
date he had had a bo.vhood. Among
other surprises, ho suddenly develoed
a gift for story telling, but never touch
ed upon any but cheerful and amusing
subjects, until one evening when the
wind moaned and sighed around the old
house like tho lost, troubled souls, he
succumbed to the influence of the hour,
and narrated a thrilling ghost story.
At its conclusion we huddled together
with bated breath and a half-dread of
something horrible coming out. of the
shadowy corners. But our niind.s once
turned in this direction, the fascination
became irresistible, and wo talked of
things supernatural till the flickering
lights from the wide-mouthed fire-place
seemed so many huge shadows mocking
and nodding at us, until at last they dis
appeared in the darkness.
Lillian had been sitting with a far
away look in her eyes, apparently un
conscious of the turn our conversation
had taken; but as she felt our gaze fixed
upon her, she drew a shuddering sigh
and said:
"Oh, that horrible dream! how it
haunts me to-night; I cannot shake it
off." And her face grew so pale that we
feared she would faint, and drew near in
alarm. In a moment, however, she re
covered, and, in answer to our inquiries,
told us the following dream, which was
as strange as it was thrilling:
"I was only six years of age at the
time; but, young as I was, the shock to
my nervous system vas so great.that
fears were entertained" of serious and
lasting results, and ii was ixly oy con
stant amusement and change of scene
that the remembrance of that fearful
night was driven from my mind. A sis
ter of dear papa's had recently beconio a
widow; she was strongly attached to her
husband, and her bereavement seemed
almost more than she could bear. She
was of a singularly sensitive and excita
ble temperament, so her friends were
not seriously concerned at her terrible
outbursts of sorrow; but with the reac
tion came more alarming symptoms. It
was the culmness of despair, instead of
resignation. 'She must be roused out of
this at once,' tho old doctor said, 'else
she will go mad. Active grief is the
safest.' And, as a last resource, hp beg
ged my parents to bTing me, hoping the
strong resemblance I had borne to her
only child, whose death she still
mourned, would turn her mind in an
other direction. How well I remember
the look of hopeless misery in her dry
eyes as she held me in her arras and
gently kijsed my clie-ik; but with no
thought, apparentlv, of her own lost
darling. After our arrival, she made an
effort to appear more cheerful, and her
family hoped she might be her old self
again; but when they appealed to the
doctor for a confirmation of their wishes,
he shook his head as he answered, 'I
would rather see her; weep.'
"I occupied a room with my nurse in
the remotest part of the house from
Aunt Nina's apartments, and was en
tirely separated from them by a long
corridor, the door of which was kept
constantly locked; so what I am about to
relate could never have been seen with
my physical sight.
"I had slept soundly during the early
part of the night, ind it must have been
nearly morning when I became suddenly
conscious of a peculiar light. 1 was In
Aunt Nina's bedroom, and every object
was distinctly visible. I remember see
ing a scrap of crumpled paper lying un
der a tab'e which was found exactly as I
described.
'Aunt Nina was kneeling by the bed,
her long hair falling in disheveled
masses around her. Her low, imploring
voice was full of agony, and sobs con
vulsed her slight form, as with clasped
hands she raised her streaming eyes to
heaven. Her words were distinct, and
burned themselves into my very brain:
' 'O God! spare me this, and keep mo
from m3 self! Crush me beneath a greater
load of sorrow, if it be possible, but
take from rce this horrible temptation.
Let me not be carried beyond Thy sav
ing goodness, but give me, I beseech
Thee, strength to resist this maduess.'
Again and again she repeated the words
with increased despair in her voice, un
til, with one agonizing cry of 'God have
mercy!', she threw herself face down
ward) and clutched at the carpet as if she
were being torn from it by invisible
hands. How long she lay there I could
not tell, for a great darkness came over
me. When I looked again, she had risen
to her feet with a fearful look on her
blanched and ghastly face, every feature
quivering, and, instead of tears, her
eyes filled with a light I prav to be
spared from ever seeing again, even in
my dreams.
"In her hands she held what appeared
to me to be a large towel, which she
twisted with eager, trembling fingers.
And I saw her open the door, and move
Yn tho direction of the staircase. In
mortal terror i closed my- eyes to shut
out the horrible sight.
"At last I seemed to feel a great light,
as ia our waking hours we are conscious
of a strong light vfitb. closed eyes, and
for an instant I looked upon a scene of
glorious brightness. It hung limp arid
lifeless," but with a smile of ineffable
s eetness on the pale lips, and surround-
ed bv a halo of li
ght, through which I
caught glimpses of
floating forms.
by tho nurse calling
"I was awakened
to mo, aud Mama
bedside. In an
came hurriedly to my
instant my dream
Hashed upon me,
agony of fear:
and I screamed in an
" 'Aunt JNtna is q
ead. I saw her hang-
ing to the balusters
and tho angels'have
taken her soul to God.'
"The shock had l)een
too great, and I
fell back fainting. When I recovered
consciousness, there was tho awful calm
resting over tho house that succeeds
death.
"M&ma told me that the body had
been found as described by me. And,
even at that early ag?, I felt comforted
to know that she htid resisted tho fearful
death, and that a great and holy peace
had come to her atlthe last moment."
Had a ghost stalked into our midst
during the silence that followed Lilian's
recital, it would haye been a fitting ac
companiment to our feelings. We had
listened to each Other's ghostly tales,
knowing they wee all "once upon a
time," with nothing true or definite
about them, and we1 rather enjoyed the
little thrills of fear they caused; bat
here was au actual experience. There
she sat, tho slender, graceful creature,
with the firelight shining on her Avond
rous golden head, j She was among as,
and had passed through all this; and
everything, even tlie snow-storm, paled
before it. I
I don't feel that 1 should be exactly
honest if I did not! confess that only
shame prevented me begging nay parents
to let me sleep at the foot of their bed
that night, or, at least, somewhere within
the sacred precincts of their chamber
door. When I awjake the next morning
the gloom was gone! The sun had burst
forth again with renewed glory, and all
the world was one unbroken expanse of
sjjotless purity. Lumps of snow, shin
ing in the early sunlight, fell from the
trees with a muffled sound, while tiny
icicles, dislodged by a breath of air,
dropped with a flash as of a diamond.
The work of clearing away the drifted
snow was carried on vigorously; travel
was resumed almpst immediately, and
the-grout snow storih became a memory.
j
Lillian and I have just celebrated our
golden wedding.and wee toddling grand
children cluster around bur knees; but
to me she is, as ever, the loveliest of her
sex, and as golden-haired and violet-eyed
as when I first loved her, fifty four years
go.
Ncarl Kissed 'I lionise vt'8 ti Death.
Osculation is unquestionably a pleas:
ing pursuit. It has been recognized as
such from time immemorial, by genera-
tions, unnumbered
of lovers, poets, and
There are doubt-
even philosophers
less at the present moment in this, as in
other countries, many enamored swains,
who ask no better t lau to be permitted
to iinprint "ten thousand kisses," one
after another, upjm the lips of the
damsels upon whom they have bestowed
- - p JJ '"-'j , ,-.
esteem tnemseives iortunato it their
opportunities in this direction are some
what limited, as (the following true
story will show: At an eyening party
in Kelkheim a few j weeks ago the con
versation happened;to turn upon kissing,
ani the question arose how many salu
tations of this class ;could be exchanged
between two ardent lovers within
a
certain space of
opinions differed.
time. As usual,
and the discussion
waxed warm,
offered to bet
Presently a fiery youth
anybody present the
German equivalent
of a ten pound
betrothed would
notethat he aud his
kiss one another
within ten hours,
iteu thousand times
provided they were
permitted to partake of
some slight
re-
freshment at intervals of half an hour
during tho performance. His wager
having been accepted and the money
posted, the affiaucpd couple addressed
themselves to the achievement of their
congenial task. At the expiration of
the first hour their account stood cred
ited with two thousand kisses. During
the second they added another thou
sand, and during the third seven hun
dred and fifty to
that
number. Then,
both broke down.
pitiful to state.
thbv
The youth's lips were stricken with
cramp, and the maiden fainted away.
Later on in the evening she was com
pelled to take to her bed with a sharp
attack of neuralgia An even more dis
tressing result ensued from this surfeit
of tender endearment, for it led to te
breaking off", by mutual consent, of a
hopeful matrimonial engagement.
Young lovers should keep this sad tale
in mind and moderate their transports,
for, strange as it may seem, Dan Cupid
himself may be kissed to death. Lon-
aon Telegraph.
Tho labyrinthine complications of
words in which agnostics become entan
gled are frequently amusing, when they
studiously and laboriously attempt to
avoid any expression, showing a belief
in God as the creator and sustainer of
worlds. During M. Pasteur's repudia
tion of the Positivism of M. Littre, in
the season of the French Academy at
Paris, he quotes the remarkable defini
tion of that overruling power, by many
called Providence, iwhich had been given
by M. lienan, as i"the totality of the
fundamental conditions which detormine
the march of tho universe."
The Yarmouth Bloater.
The glory of Yarmouth is its bloater,
but the highest qualities of the bloater
are so neeting mac oniy those who live
in or near the town can know how de
served the glory is. Take one of the
primest of these herrings, ".pit" it, and
smoke it for between eighteen " and
twenty-four hours; thus tho common
herring is transmuted into the delicate
and incomparable bloater. Tho arsenal
like led brick buildings seen in many
parts of the town are used for this pur
pose. The choicest of the herrings,
technically called "bloater stuff' " are
selected, and threaded through the gills
cn sticks or "spits about, a yard long,
and placed in racks, .one above the
other, to a height of thirty feet or more,
in. a building called the smoke-house.
One man stands in the racks with his
legs astraddle, and puts "wpit" after
"spit'
in position, about
twenty-five
herrings
being on each "spit,
until
like
"We
thousands of tho fish are hangin
stalactites under the high roof.
call these loves,"
an old man
the racks;
told us as
"I'm up
he climbed up
among the loves.
"Loves?" we repeated, incredulously.
"Yes, 1-o-v-e with a hes, he replied
positively, thoueh wo afterward fount
out that he was mistaken, and that the
proper but inexplicable name of the
racks is louvres. When they are filled,
a log of oak is lighted and left to smoul
der, and in about eighteen hours the her
rings have absorbed a certain proportion
of the smoke, and become perfect bloat
ers with ail unmatched delicacy of flavor
They have so little salt in them and aie
so finely cured that they are too perisha
ble to be sent any distance, and thus it
is that in this condition the. bloater is
only known to those who are in or near
Yarmouth. Smoked for a longer period,
and salted, they are prepared for the for
eign markets, and au exposure of twelve
or thirteen days to the fumes of the oak
produces the vulgar red herring. The
stale fish, and those which have lost their
heads or are in any way uishgured, are
packed in barrels and compressed by a
machine like a cheese press, in which
form they are sent to Italy, where tney
may often be seen in Hie shop windows,
adding a shining diss to the glitter oi a
Venetian day. J W. H. Rideing, in Har
per s Magazine for June
Towed hy a Sliark.
Heading across the bay to St. Simon's
light the man in charge of the wheel
hailed Mr. Titt, and directed his atten
tion to something ahead of us. The ob
ject turned out to bo a shark's fin, so
large as to be a matter of wonder to the
sailors aboard. The boat happened to
be provided with a shark line a manilla
cord about a half inch thick, with a
large hook tied to a traco chain. A
small piece of beef was quickly put on
the hook, a float put on the line, and
then cast out, and the line made fast to
the capstan. As we ueared the fish the
fin disappeared, and all eagerly watched
the float. Suddenly tho line tightened,
the float disappeared, and the headway
of the boat was checked, aud the man at
the capstan yelled out: "He's hooked,
I have been fishing, but I never saw one
tho like of that. The fellow rose to the
surface of the wave -and looked at us.
He had about seventy-five yards of the
line out by this time, and actually in a
second he made a rush and jumped clear
over the bow of the steamer. The
ladies then got under shelter and all
hands helped to hold that line.
The fellow.when he failed to eat us up,
made the for the ocean and fairly made
the water foam. After about a miles's
run he begaa to tire and the boat was
headed for the beach, and then one of the
hands waded afthore, taking the end- of
the line with him, which he made fast to
a stump and came back for help. Four of
us got on shore and commenced to pull
Mr. Shark ashore. It took all we could
do and two rifle balls to boot to laud
him. When I tell you that he
measured seventeen feet, teu and
a half inches from tip to tip
you a ill know what a job we had. We
determined to prove that we caught this
shark, so we gave two negroes four dol
lars to cut him open and get his head off
so that we could get his jaw over home.
His teeth are wonderful, being about
three and a quarter inches long, and so
strong that he actually flattened out the
big iron hook. The negroes made quite
a prize. In his stomach they found
eleven silver Mexican dollars and one
Spanish doubloon, gold, and a whole lot
of brass buttons (Albany (Ga.) News.
Au Opium Victim.
The reporter of the Helena (Montana)
Herald recently visited the cabin of a
confirmed opium smoker, and held an
interview in regard to the whole business.
A long description of the apparatus and
method of inhaling the fumes is given,
but as this is only too well understood
on tho Comstock it need not be repeated.
The smoker did not object to giving a
full account of the baleful effects of the
drni? on himself, and from what is here
tj 9
known of the habit and its
story will strike all as being
story is as follows:
"I was brought up on
results
true.
the
His
the Pacific
Coast," said the young man, "and passed
a great deal of my time among the Chi
nese, in fact learning to speak the lan
guage with much fluency. I was per
suaded one day, seven years ago, to try
the smoking of ono pipe of opium, and
from that time I have never been able to
get rid of the desire for using it. Again
and again I have tried to break myself of
the habit and failed, every year making
my self will weaker. To-day I feel cer
tain that unless I rid myself of tho tit sire
I will be dead in twelve months. It has
come to be death or victory. In a few
days I start for the Arkansas Hot Springs,
and there I expect a perfect cure to be
effected. My left lung I always lie on
my left side went smoking is entirely
destroyed, and my right lung is going
the
same way, I feel mjBelf debased
morally and physically, uy the war o
opium, and 1 would gladly die this mo
ment to save one person from contracting
the habit. At the risk of many friend
ships l have stopped a number ot my
comrades from learning the habit, unc
have even caused arrests to be mad
sooner than permit myself to see a young
man become the wreck 1 am
"How will you manage to smoke when
traveling? asked the reporter.
"I will be forced to slink away like c
dog to some out house while the other
passengers are eating at the stopping
places tor meals," replied tho young
man, "and as x have lots of money I can
bribe people to secrecy when necessary.
Do you know, he went on to say, "that
v hen I awake in the morning a great
quantity of water will pour from my
eyes, nose, month and ears, and I exper
ience the tortures of a hell until the pipe
is lighted. Then I can eat heartily; but
every four or five hours during daytime
1 am forced to smoke or I would go mad.
Now I want yon to promise me to do all
in your power to put down the use of
opium wherever you go, aud should you
ever come to be the father of a family
shoot any of your children dead on the
spot should you discover them acquiring
the habit of smoking opium. I wish I
had been shot myself this day seven
years ago, and I would not bo living the
life of torment I am feeling now. At
night I have the most horrible dreams
you can imagine, and my life is a curse
to me."
AnObitlnatc Bride.
The other night a young man from
northern Arkansas and a young lady
lady from the southern part of the State,
met at a hotel in this city and were
married. After the ceremony the young
man went out and sat in front of the ho
tel while his wife went up to the room
assigned s the bridal chamber.
j.nis thing oi getting married is a
life-long business," he said, addressing a
man who had just been divorced from
his wife. "I reckon you have found it
so," he added, turning to a single man.
"Wall, I reckon I'll go hp. Dinged if I
don't sorter hate to go up thar, too. But
I never was afeerd . of a man, and I
don't see why I should be afeered of a
woman. A
He went up and rapped at the door.
"Who's there?" demanded the girl.
"It's me."
"Who is me?"
"Don't you recognize my talk, honey?"
"No, I don't."
"It is your own wide-awake and living
husband. Let me in."
"Go awav from that door: you shall
not come in here.
I am not acquainted
Them fellers down
at me. Open the
with yon yet."
Say, let me in.
stars are laughing
door, fur I'm sleepy," and he yawned
like a man waiting for a night train.
"Thought you said that fxm were wide
awake?'
"I was a while ago, but I'm powerful
sleepy now. Say, ain't you going to
open this door ?"
"No, I ain't."
"Why did you marry me?"
"Cause I wanted to."
"Wall, why don't you let me in?"
"Cause I don't want to."
"All right, old gal; I'll shell out fur
lome and leave you to pa3 the hotel
bill; I never seed the woman that could
pull the wool over my eyes."
The latch clicked and the door opened.
The hotel bill had frightened her.
"It won t do for a woman to buck agin
me, lemmy tell you, tur 1 was raised at
he cross-roads, an went to mill early.
Little llock Gazette.
A 'e Yu(la Komuuce.
The auction sale of the personal prop
erty of Ira S. Parke recently attracted
ully 500 people to the Parke mansion
in Six-Mile canyon. The prices realized
were for the most part mucu below
value. A few of the much smaller
pieces of furniture were taken at fair
figures. The furniture sold .was bought
12 years ago, and was the roost expensive
outfit ever brought to this city. There
was a romance connected with Ira
Parke's life in which the buving of this
furniture was an incident. Feeling that
he was getting to be somewhat advanced
in years Mr. Parke decided to take a
wife, and in order to get one entirely to
his liking, concluded to have a girl
reared and educa'ed with that particular
object in view making a mistake not
unknown to other elderly men who
have gone before him. Accordingly he
sent to school a most estimable young
woman, and as he watched the gradual
development of her personal and in
tellectual charms, counted hi oi sell a
happy man. Tho young lady's school
course being finished, the big brick
louse which had been built to receive
her vas sumptuously furnished, and she
was invited to enter it as its mistress.
It was then that Mr. Parke was in
formed by his fiancee that her heart was
irrevocably another's,' and that though
she would fulfill her engagement and
marry him, she could never love him
with devotion due from a wife to her
husband. With true manliness Mr.
Parke promptly released the lady from
her promise, and settled down to live an
old bachelor's life in the palatial mansion!
which he had expected would be brigh
tened bv her presence, but which now
appeared a'dungeon. Mr. Parke never
married. Virginia Enterprise.
If vou wish to make a cake which will
keep well, use the yolk of eggs only, as
thev make it much mora moist and less
liable to dry than the whites do.
SHOUT BUS.
The United States census gives 92,653
Protestant churches, 71,002 Protestant
ministers and 9,003,030 members of
Protestant churches.
There is a marked increase in the num
ber of theological students in Germany.
This would indicate that the salaries of
clergymen are going up in Germany.
- The State Sabbath school convention
of California, urged all schools in the
State to have Bands of Hope organized
in connection with their Sunday school
work. j
An Ohio man, who would jirobauljr
have no objection to serve on the -commission,
has sent the President a plan
for the suppression of "poligamy in
Eutaw." j
Elephants,it is believod.can be taught
to play billiards. If so,it will be a great
relief to young men who are now obliged
to give up so much of their valuable
time to this work.
A man with a rod nose doesn't need a
placard hung around his neck to tell the
world what caused it. You're right he
don't. Tho little joker starts off as soon
as he begins to smile.
The mistress of the household asks her
new cook what her name is. The cook,
obligingly: "My mistreessea call me
'Madame Benoit; with the gentlemen
ray name is 'Felicie.'"
They were seated "on tho sofa, where
they had been for four long hours. "Au
gustus, do you! know why you remind
me of the Chinese?" "No, dearest,
why?" "Because you won't go." The
meeting then adjourned sine die.
A foreign letter states that the Budd
hist dignitaries of Japan have taken
alarm at the spread of Christianity and
the consequent decline of Buddhism
among other classes of their country
men. The princess Dolgourki. widow of the
late czar, is in Berlin, with three chil
dren. It is strangely reported "that she
receives no official recognition." If she
were to visit Washington now, half of
the government would be around for in
troductions. !
At the close of dinner at the late dean
of Ely's, a guest happened to remark
that six eminent lawyers had died in six
months. At that time, the dean, verv
deaf, rose and said: "For these and all
other mercies, God's holy name be
praised."
One of the witnesses in the Malley
Cramer murder trial swore on cross-examination
that he had perjured himself
to induce tho Malleys to give him hush
money. It does take Connecticut to get
up a murder trial that will bring out
every known form of meanness and dev
iltry. A man may plug his own firewood
with powder to prevent thievishneighbors
and then by accident get a plugged stick
in his own stove; but, though he swear
to this explanation, it won't prevent the
neighbors winking and snickering when
the firewood is mentioned in his pres
ence, and kind of hinting that honesty is
the best policy, j
A dentist who broke a Detroit man's
jaw offered to pay S2 to settle the case.
But the victim was insulted at the idea
that breaking his jaw .was only 32 dam
age to him, and indignantly asked if the
man of torture thought that sum would
console him for having to refrain from
chewing tobacco for a month.
"How much quinine can you take at
a dose?" inquired one milarious indi
vidual of another, as they met on the
street one morning. "Oh, not more
than about four grains. If I take any
more it sets my head to working."
"Does it? I should think you would
take six grains twice a day, so's to be
sure that the j oid thing worked, you
now. j
The clergymen of Chicago are deter
mined to put ja stop to Sunday-night
theatricals. They say that if the theaters
would only play standard dramas they
would not care,1 for such counter attrac
tions would have no effect on tho size
of their congregations. The trouble is
that so many of the places of amusement
present nothing but burlesque and bal
let troupes. j
There are occasionally brave women in
this world. A Philadelphia lady heard
burglars breaking into the house. She
arose, called the bull-dog and seized tho
shot-gun. Then she opened the door
and let the dog out. Then she almost
immediately fired the gun. The dog's
hide was too much perforated to sell for
anything. j
Cetewayo, the Zulu king, has set a
noble example to the Mormons. He has
picked out his favorite wife to keep, and
set the others adrift. It's a great racket.
You don't have to choose one wife to be
gin with and then keep her for better or
worse. You test half a dozen, find
out which is the most disposed to hold
her jaw when you come home late, and
bounce the rest. Then there'll bo re
joicing in the religious circles over
your reform, land everything will be
lovely.
When Dr. Johnson had completed his
dictionary, Millar, the book-seller, and
principal proprietor of tho work, could
not help expressing his joy upon tho
occasion in terms somewhat intemperate,
as appears by the following acknowledg
ment of the receipt of the last sheet of "
the manuscript: "Andrew Millar sends
his compliments to Mr. Samuel John
son, with the money for the last sheet of
tho copy of the dictionary, and thanks
God that he ; is done with him." Tr
which Johnson returned this good-natured
answer, "Samuel Johnson returns
his compliments to Andrew Millar, and
is very glad to find, as he does by the
note, that Andrew Millar has the grac
to thank God for anything."
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