DID1 O II, IPji w 1 wj VOL. 2. DALLAS, OREGON, SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 1871. NO 28. Site 0 r e 3 a u Hep u Ml ran la Issued Every Saturday Horning, at Dallas, Folk County, Oregon. BY R. II. TYSON. OFFICE Mill etreet, opposite tbo Court Houao. SUBSCRIPTION BATES. SINGLE COPIES One Year, $2 00. Six Months, $1 25 .Throe Months, $1 00 For Clubs of ton or more $2 per annum. Subscription must be paid strictly in advance ADVERTISING BATES. Oneaquare (lOlines orlesa), flrstinsert'n, $3 00 Each subsequent insertion.. 1 00 A liberal deduction will bo made to quar terly and yearly adrertiscrs. Professional cards will bo inserted at $12 00 per annum. Transient advertisements must bo paid for in advance to insure publication. All other advertising bills must be paid quarterly. Legal tenders taken at their current value. Blanks and Job Work of every description furnished at low rates on short notice. A Splendid Chance. l(T Wo will send the Dallas RErrBiiCAV and DejOrest's Monthly-, which is itself $3 for one year, to any person who pay3 us $1 Demorest's Moxthlv stands unrivalled as a Family Magazine. Its choice Literature, its - superior Music, its large amount of valuable information on miscellaneous subjects, its jiractical and reliable information in regard to the fashions, and artistic illustrations, give it a 'just claim to its well-earned title, "The Model Magazine of America. The Art ol ;ig!iii From the AUine for Fepteiubcr. Giggling girls constitute a large number of the ecx termed, with more gallantry than justice, in those days of woman's rights," fair. They are con spicuous, oddly enough, more by the absence of any monstrous vice than by the presence of any infinitesimal virtue. .Such specimens you meet with every where ; they cannot be limited peace ably or forcibly ; and are distingul.slu d by a class peculiarity they giggle. The phrase is, vre confess, somewhat untranslatable, for it is an etymological nudity, and absolutely meaningless The art of giggling is more readily ex plained, for it is picturesque in its abruptness, scientific in development, fasciuattDg in delivery, and graceful at the death. Gigsrlinpr, according to Webster, is a " kind of laush with short catches of the voice and breath." The bareness of the definition is only equaled by its unintelligibility. The better plan to understand the word and its action is to personally encounter a giggler, and fehe will elaborately display, in all its elegance of outline and simplicity of detail, the beauty and quality of the giggle. The omnipresence of the gig gler saves a deal of trouble , so without (delay you plunge in rnedias res. You wish her good day. She smiles. In quire after her health. Another smile. Hope her parents are well. The emilc lengthens. Emboldened at your favor able reception, although iu doubt as to what has caused the repeated smiles, you cough a little, and, with an air of the deepest interest, ask her opinion of the latest drama at Wallack'g. She timirks in reply. Doe3 she admire " Hamlet?" A faint titter is the re sponse. Perhaps now you venture the perfectly truthful remark that it looks like rain, and that if it rains it will be wet. At once you have evolved out of the depths of her inner consciousness a .genuine giggle. Watch its appearance in its three stages of development, a la vComte, birth, maturity, decay and spectroscope the result with your pen for the benefit of science. The giggle commences at the mouth, with certain twitches in the neighbour hood of that organ. The lips part, itho teeth mute whitenesses of the dentist's skill are exposed to view. The teeth unclasp, and, snake like, the tongue appears coiled up in the back ground. Next, the head is slightly Arched, and the eyes slowly close. At the eyes, then, the gigglo matures. The eyes close in earnest, tho nostrils dilate, and for a time giggles play about the ravishing nose, like lightning about a mountain peak. The fascinating face becomes corrugated twinkles, and shows as many lines of beauty in the Ho garthian vein as an india rubber head stretched to an angle of 45 degrees. At this stage, the giggler is supposed, by herself, to be bewitching; and so, to heighten the effect and tho general en .chantmcnt, thero then is a reduplicated fluttering of the wand like fan, a de pression of the head, and an inclination pf tho form. The third period of devel opment is now ushered in. The giggles begin to grov? beautifully less, a fierce conflict arises between the centrifugal and the centripetal forces, the con volutions become more and more re fined, the giggles shorten, eyes open, teeth shut, mouth closes and tho giggle is over. You breathe more freely now, and, if a man of spirit, alarmed at the fright ful convulsions which invest the giggler with the air of martyrdom, run hastily for lostoratives, rouso the house, sum mon the doctor. Reassured by her composure, you will revoke all your previous orders, and tenderly inquire as to the frequency of the attaeks, their duration and possibility of cure. These graceful attentions on your part will speed. ly bring on a relapse ; the per formance recommences, and tho giggle goes through the same stasis of devel opment as before, only with greater ! vehemence and freedom ot action, lor practice makes perfect. You become seriously alarmed, your teeth chatter, your whole nervous system is unstrung, you beg pardon and graciously attempt to depart. Again the giggle rises, and ends, finally, in hysterical sobbing, in which you can distinguish such des pairing assertions as " I'll die I I'll die ! I'll die a-laughiug if you don't stop." You really have said nothing more than a few commonplace remarks, and that these should have produced such a cachinnatory eflect is altogether a mys tery. So you humbly take your leave, sorely perplexed at tho enigmatical character of women gigglers in particular iu geueral and 1 he details df the giggle can be amplified at pleasure. Indeed, the performance itself varies with certain condition, notably the silliness of the giggler and the value of your own time. The timid giggler will giggle perhap for five minutes every hour; the pro fession.-il one will z'vz'A'i certainly ix hours a day. Such details, liuWi vt r, are of a nature over vrhich your real istic writer mL'ht pardonably gloat, bu! aro too harrowing to bo here depicted. Otherwise the effect might b' as serims as Pope describes in his "JLapu of the Lock." Then flaohel the living ligntntn;; fr m her .yps, And screams ?.f horror rend th'afTrihfed .-ki:s. Not louder shouts to pitying Heaven are ea.-t, When husbands or when lap-ds breathe their luft." Still there are certain accessories to the giggle which are pertinent to the subject, and harmless to delicate nerves. The handkerchief is generally found useful, and when spread over the face gives a captivating expression thereto, since it is perfectly invisible. The hands are perfectly relaxed, to denote womanly impotence. The arms arc wildly tocl about, to express feminine reserve. The eyes roil fearfully in their sockets, to .show maidenly coyness. The hair is dishevelled, to exr ress ex treme delicacy. The talk is incoherent, to signify logical force. And, as a last resort, your professional gi:rgler, the radical, the adept in her art, will throw herself, with tli3 wildest abandon, in a chair, or bury her face iu the luxuri ous depths of a sufa. The symptoms and diagnosis of gig gling are uow tolerably well under stood. Its causes arc yet draped in psychological, physiological, and philo logical mystery. Possibly, in genera tions to come, some iJeaumont, or Har vey, or Draper, will explore its hidden depths, and bring up to the surface the vou oi.r!iiuiu KilKj DVIUUtU UIIU relief to the afflicted. In those days, the intimate relation of matter and spirit will be darkly hinted at. Wise acres will sagely shako their heads, whisper " electricity," and suicrgcst tho " movement" cure. Some will pro pound the theory of spontaneous gener ation. Others will breathe the mairic, word, "evolution." More sensibly, a few will point to cerebral disturbances, aberration, stupidity, silliness, which employs the waste products of respira- iiou in giggles instead ot words, unc doughty physiologist will, in those days,; publish his " Genesis of Giggling," and obstinately hold to the view that such " monkey shines" incontrovertibly con firm Darwin's theory of development. A New Telegraph. Pole. A new telegraph pole has been invented which combines the two valuable properties of being both useful and ornamental. It is mado of iron constructed in hollow tubes, mado in sections, so that in being shipped one section can be slipped within another. In a pole fifteen feet in length, tho lower section is three inches in diameter, the second two and fi half, and the third one and a quarter inches This iron pole has insulated arms, which insures a perfect current of electricity, and is fast superceding tho old fashioned wooden ones. STIMULANTS. That man is a mauiac, a deliberate suicide, who drinks tea, coffee or ardent spirits of any kind to induce him to perform a work in hand, and when ho feels too weak to go through it without such aid., This is the reason that the majority of great orators and public favorites die drunkards. The pulpit, the bench, the bar, tho forum, have contributed their legions of victims to drunken habits. The beautiful women, the sweetest singer, the conversational ist, the periodical writers, have filled but too often a drunkard's grave. Now that the press hai become such great power in the land, when the magazine mu-t come out on a certain day, and the daily newspapers at a fixed hour, nothing waits, everything mtit give way to the inexorable call for eopy, and j sick or wen, ai.-poseu or iiiUispo.-eJ, a 'deep or awake, the copy must come; the writer must compose his. article, whether ho feels like it or not, and if he is not in the vein of writing, he must whip himself up to it by the stimulus of drink. Some of the great est writers of the country ha?e con fessed to the practice, on urgent occa sions, of taking a sip of brandy at the end of every written page, or even oftencr. Lord JJyron, ut tho end of every paragraph sometimes. It may have escaped the general reader's notice, that more men hive died young, who have been connected with the New York press, within ten years, and that, too, from intemperance, than in all the other educational call ings put together; young men whoc talents have been of the first order, and gave promise of a life of usefulness, honor and eminence. Tho best possi ble thinL'for a man to do, when he feels too tired to perform atri-k, or too we ik to carry it ihrough, is lo go to bed n fit's p a week if bo can ; tbi is the only j true rceui -raU':i i br i?j j nver ; tliej f n!y aetn d renewal d brain force;! because 'during shier the braiu ia m a i sense ot rest, m a rendition to receive and appr-j rute particle of mitrhner.t from the Uoo 1, which take the place of those which have been consumed iu previous labor, since tbe very ret of thinking consume, burn up polid particles, as every turn of the wheel or screw of the splendid steamer is the result of consumption by lire of the fuel in the furnace. That supply of con sumed brain suhtance can only be had from the nutriment particles in the blood which were obtained from the food eaten previously, and the brain is so constituted that it can te.t receive and appropriate to itself those nutrient articles during the stitc of rest, quiet, and of stillness, sleep. Mere stimulants supply nothing in themselves they only goad the brain, force it to greater consumption of its substance winch has been so fully exhausted that there is not power enough left to receive a sup ply, just as men are so near death by thirst or starvation, that thero is not power enough left to swallow anything, and all is over. The incapacity of the braiu for receiving recuperative parti cles sometimes comes on with the rapid ity of a stroke of bghtning, and tho man becomes wak in an instant; in an instant falls into convulsions, in an in stant loses all sense, and is an idiot. It was under circumstances of this very sort, in tho middle of a sentence of great oratorical power, one of the most eminent minds of tho age forgot his ideas, pressed his hand against his fore head, and after a moment's filence, said, " God, as with a eponge, has blotted out my mind." Do assured, reader, there to " rest for the weary," only in early and abundant fdeyp ; and wise and happy are they who have firm ness enough to resolve that " By God's fielp I will seek it in no other way ft Mr. Greely thus expresses himself upon the question of tho next Presi dency : " When a Republican National Con vention, fairly chosen, after free consul tationandtho frank interchange of opin ions, shall have nominated Republican candidates for President and Vice Pres ident, wc expect to urge all Republicans to give them a hearty effective support, whether thoybe orbc not of those whoso orignal preference- has been gratified." Until that time Mr. Greely will main tain the perfect and equal right of every Republican to indicate and justify his pcrference, whether it favors tho ins cumbent or some other Republican. And ho must regard that as a mistaken, suicidal policy, which would deny to anyone tho right so to do, foreclosing discussion on tho unjustified assumption mat a uuuico nas already boon virtunliv av-k f-M t" ' UiHUUi Subscribe for tho Republican. A Yankee Attorney on Capita Punishment The following oration was delivered somewhere iu Wisconsin, by one of the profession, who would seem to have quite an aversion to capital punish ment : " May it please your lordship and gentlemfii of the jury, the case is as clear as ice, and sharp to the point as 'no' from your sweetheart. The Scrip ture saith 'Thou shall not kill;' now, if you. hang my client, you transgress the command as slick as grea-e, and as plump as a goose egg in a loafer's face. Gentlemen, murder is murder, whether committed by twelve jurymen, or by a humble individual like my client. Gen tlemen, I 1j not deny the f'.ict of my client having killed a man, but is that any reason why you sbuuld do $ i So such thing, gentleman Vou may bring the prisoner iu 'guilty;' th hang man m.iy do his duty, but that will not eximi'r.'.te you' No sueh thin'. In this eae you W ill all be mur b rers. Who among you are pn pared for the brand of Cain to be stumped upon his brow to-day i who freemen who iu thi land of liberty and light '! Gen tlemen, i will pledge my word, not one of you has a buwie knife or pistol in bis poeket. No, gcntb iro-n, your pock ets ar-;all odoriferous with the perfumcts of cigar cases .and tobacco. You can smoke the tobacco of rectitude iu the pipe of a peaceful concience ; but hang my unfortunate client, and the scaly alligator of remorse will gallop through the iutiTa.il principle of ani mal vtrtebin, until the spinal verUbiie of yout anatomical -tutisiruction is turn ed into a railroad for the grim and gory goblin of despair. Gentlemen beware of c'mmiuh'g murder ! beware, I say, of meddling wills thocU-rnai prerogative! -beware, I ay, Kemimber the fate of the man who attempted to steady the ark, and tremble. Gentlemen, I ab- jnrc you by the manumitted gho.-t of j temporial sanctity to d no mur 'r! I , abjure yt'U by tbe name of woman, th; main-prit'g of the tickitig time piece of time's theoretical tr:ir,migratioii, to do nomurdir! I ahjure you by the love you have for the ecu!eut and-condi-meutalgu.-to i?f your native pumpkin, to do no murder!--! abjure you by the stars iu the flying cn.- gn of your tmmeipa ted country, to do no murder! I ab jure you by the American eaglo that whipped t le universal game cock of creation, and no sots routing on tbo magnetic tch-graph of time's illustrious transmigration, to do no murder ! And la-stly, gcntlemi n, if you ever expect to wear long-tailed coats if you ever expect to wear boots nude of the free hide of the Rocky Mountain buffalo nnd, to sum up nil, if you ever expect to be anything but u sot of sneaking, lo,fing, rascally, cut-throated, branded small end of humanity, whittled down to indiscrimiualitv acquit jnv client and savo your country I" The prisoner was acquitted. The Amsterdam 8hp Canal, which was commenced in IS('(5, it is stated, is one of tho greatest engineering woiks ever undertaken. It runs through two shallow hikes, 'and embankments are built on each side of the lino of the canal, and the bed is then dredged out to the required depth. The lakes are cut off from the North Sea by sand hills, through which tho canal will have to be excavated. Piers formed of large blocks of concrete are to bo built out for the distance of a mile to deep water, and will enclose a harbor with a surface area of 500 acres, and a depth of 51 feet below low water. The width of the canal will be 8t feet at the bottom, and 195 feet at the top, with a denth of 22 feet. The locks will ad mit ships of the largest size. The com mercial prosperity of Amsterdam will be greatly promoted on tho completion of this grand ship canal. Laundry Polish for Linen Add to starch mado in tho usual way a small lump of white sugar, or a bit of white wax of spermaceti, or a few thin shavings of white soap and a teaspoon ful of salt. Alter tho clothes are rinsed in tho blue water, starch them, and dry on the clothes line; thcu wringing them from cold water, roll up tightly, and let them lie awhilo. Iron smoothly in the usual way. Then place the bosom or piece to bo polished, on a board with a single fold of muslin over it, pass a damp cloth over the linen and polish with nn iron mado for that pur pose, such as may bo bought at tho hardware or kitchen furnishing stores. A man inDanbury, Connecticut, re contly offered two cents a pound for oats, and now quietness reigns o' nighta in that locality. PUOFJ'JSSIOXAL CARDS, ilC. POUT AMI - - - - OH12GON. General tJews Agent Por Oregon .and Adjacent Terrrltorlcf. Alio SPLYIAL COLLKCTOIt of all kinds of CLAIMS. AGHN'T for tho Dallas Republican. .JO 12 .3. l) S, V, ATTORNEY-AT-LAW, ftotary Public, &c, HIJF.NA VISTA. 41-tf J. C. GRUDOS, M. D., PHYSICIAN AN I) SUll;i;ON O.T-.T? Lis Scrvi'-c to t!io Citizens of Dallas nt;.l Viiin'Oy. 077f'; at NICHOLS' Urug St'.re. . 3 i-tf 1Y.-JI. ,Ii:i-I'HH. 31. I)., !hyic:nti arid Mti&'gcon. Iyla, Oregon. F-ri;il attcnti in given to Obstetrics anil !i..-H of Women. ltf Attorney and Counsellor-at-Lavv, sam;m, oki:(;on. Will practi in all tbe Court . f Itconl and Iufi ri r Court of this State. OFFICII In Watkin.ls A Co' trick, up stair. , 1 2. C. SI JJJVAX, Attorney k Counsellor-At-Liw, 2)alla, Oregon, Will practice n all t!;e Cairt of the Ftite. 1 I. L. l iis, LlS'S, Attorney and Counsellor-at-Law. Dalfa-. Oregon. ?orc;il .I'fcMi rt piven to in.itt'-r.-1 pc rt.ti.1. it .r f: Kfl I tt. 1 RU3SLL, FERRY & WOODWARD, Ileal I.Jac AtfcufN and RealEstaie Auctioneers, o. ioo. i i;ost stki:t, poitTLAM) oi:i:(;o. WAGON AND CARR Main street, Ialla. Secr.1 J.or rvrth of t!i3 Drug Store. 8 The nn lenojno'l wUhos t inf irm Hip 1'uMic that he is rrj:i r-l To !o any kin-1 f wrk in hi line on th fhortt-st nti':'f, nrl in the lx't Ffylc. Thankful t hi? !! fiifti.mcrs aru fn ml f-r f- r uier --atrair ho respectfully fi!ii'iti a continuance of tho sumo. .H'-tf .S. T. U A Kit I? ON. Committee on Clailroads 1f.ve iliilt Urit !) .oon as tho Orcn Central lltiir-ivl Wi?t Si. In) is com j ApU-I inli i'l.ik d.itrtfy, they will i-"U rth rs to nil rmi tr."i t.r. h:i1 wiiiknun rn the line ti iufCiui.o a;! their Groceries and Fro vision4. Clothing. Hoofs and Shncs, Lttdit-s' Dres Goods, i Ilarlware, Tinware, Or anvlhinfj they niiy happen in want of M. l'ilis. nt l.rtclr.lo, fnnhcrly known as ClnfTa Store. Moanivhihs )11 firtner.K, or anyone el.--o, will fiml it to their interest to cnll ail m:ike tlteir cV lions. All are aware that I am I -in p'joils rhtip-r than anybody til Idk Co. I hnv hinrr Prmluee than any tua stores in the County. So hring alonp fyour Hutter if it is soft, and if it is joLir, all the hetif r. Yours truly, M. M. ELLTS. 20-3 m mil, door m teMPl BUND FACTORY, "iiiliif nHi r MAIN STItlSI-Vr, DALLAS. 1 have constantly on hand and for Salo WIXB30W CSIazcil anil 5iar,IaetI. noons of all sizes. WINDOW AND DOOR FRAMES, All of tho Rest Material and Manufacture. ll-tf JAMES M. CAMrCULL. IS-:W lAIiT NIIOI AND Til I ! 'LiiiiKiiimi him ij GRAINING & GLAZING, PAPER HANGING, &C, Dono in tho most Workmanliko manner by IX. P. SIIR1VEK. Shop apstairi over Hobart A Co'b IIrncs8 V Shop, DALLAS, POLK CO., OUIilGOV. 27-tf PROFESSIONAL CARDS, &C. j". t'k DALLAS EOTEKij i Mi COH Milt 31 A IN AND COURT STS. XSalla3, Polk Couatjt Oregon. Tho UKjc-rrigno'l, buying UK-FITTED tho al.ove HOTKr.,"" now informs tho I'ublie that bo ii prepared t -AeootnittOjlate ull who may f.tvor hiiu with a c:l, in as good stji as caii bo found in nny H'-tel in the Country. Oiv tno aoall, and you .luH not Umvo disappointed. 12-tf Y. F. KBSXKDY, Proprietor. KICII.HIhO.V & CO. Inform tho PuVas that they are now roaly ti di all kinds of work in tbeir line. CAIUUAUKS, WAfiO.NS, Ac. L'uilt or Re paired with X-a'iic-as arid Jjbpatcb WAdONS constantly en hand for Sale. 15LACKSMII d no by aa exporioDcod Workman. Oho door goulh tf Livery tah!o Dallas, Ogn. 8-tf Saddlery, Harness, s. c. MJ Slain st. (opposite the Cour Ilouge), Dallas, MAN'l'FACTtrilKU AXD DEALER IN Harness, S.td lj.-s, Uri-lieif, AVhipp, Col!an, Cht ek 1nes, etc., t t-'.f of all kinds, hich ho is prepare 1 to Fell at the lowest livia rates. R K l'A Hi I N' j dxue on short notice. 7.1 K V i: It Y . W BBill EAST, BY LADY AGENTS. V'o wnt Smart and Er.errrctic Ajrwits t intr luce ur popular and ji:st'y celehrnted invention, in every Yillij, To,ai and City in tht Wot Id. Iwltspertsalfe to every Ifjusehohly They are highly approved fT cmdorserd ni doj"''t:d !V Z.v iiVm, '... and DiriVfn at. I are now a UliLAT FAYOitlTti with them. i:vcry Family w IS' Turcliaee One or more of thero. F-nn-tM. that tbeir uierlt are appnrt ut at a (ILAJCCK,. BRUOOISTS, &ILL1Nr:r3, DrvLssAiiEiis iir.d all i.ho keep FANCY ST'MU. will tind our exceilet t articles SL'f, I. YTJl Y RAPID L Y, gives perfect Pattsf.trtioD and netting small ronru.vES to nil Dealers and Apenfs. coir xt v -ui cuts' PKKn t all who desert enrajinjr in an IhmarnUe, !! iptctaht? and Prujl.d le lhincf at the fame time doinjr. pood to their ccirpanions in life. Sample $2 P0. sent free hv mail on rceript of price. .KM FOR WHOLESALE CIRCU LAR. ADDRESS VICTORIA BIANUFACTURING COHPY H, 1AK lLACI3, New York. m mm mm . J. 11. KINCAID has opened a New Photographic Gallery In Bulla.', where he wi'l bo pleased to wait on Customers in his lino of Buincs3 at all hours of the day. Ciiiitlrcu's ;'5icf tires Tiikcn without grumhlinp;, at tho Fame price aa Adults. i?ati.fiietum guaranteed. Prico to suit the times. Room? at Laf.illetfs Old Stand, Main Street, Dallas, Polk County, Oregon, April 27th, 1S7I ; 8JJ C. S. S I 2, V 52 K, No. 130, First Street, PORTLAND, - - - - OREGON, Wholesale and Retail Dealer In DRY GOODS, (LOTIlliYG, L API MS DIIKSS GOODS, BOOTS AND SIIOi:s. IIATS.& CAPS, GROCKR1FSJ: PROVISIONS, Highest Cash Price paid for all kinds of Cointiy i-i'oclxico. lG-lm Kaff Carpet Weaviiis. A LL TERSONS HAVING MATERIAL l. fr "S Carpets, and Vrishinjr them Woven, can he aeccmniodatod by calling on the underpinned. Orders left at tho Store of R. Ihwo Eros, trill he promptly attended to. KV3m WM.-SACLSnKlUlY. ,. FURNITURE I Bureaus, liOiines, Tables, Bertst cads. A Varloty of CHAIRS for Parlor and Kltcnen use. ; KAW-IUDE DOTTOT CHAIHS Of my own nuke. i . 81iop near Wayitiirc's Mill I INVITE TIIE PUBLIC TO EXAMINE my otock. I shall be pleased to show you my goods, and better .ploasod when you buy.' NEW WORK put up to Order. nd RE PAIRING dono at tho lowest each prloo.. 4-tf WVI. O. WILLS, Dmu I I