WAS TOO SCIENTIFIC. *
*
*
*
*
THE
H e ro e s of th e
W at
COLO NEL
SQ UATTER
IN
D IS G U S T E D
w i t h S p k in
b j t h . A d v lc a t h .
G ave th e F o rm e r, I t W o u ld
V a h e a ltn y
For
th e
U ra v s
L in g e r T h e re M u c h L o n g e r.
th o u sa n d s of th em , acre suf*
f e t in g From lin g er in g di&-
e& ies induced by life in.
poisonous so u th ern cam ps,
the r e s u lt of ch a n g es of
c lim a te , ot of im p e r fe c t
n u tr itio n c a u s e d by im
proper and. b a d ly c o o k e d
food. Sleeping on the ground
has doubtless developed,
rheum atism in hundreds
who w e r e p red isp osed to
th e d is e a s e . In such cases
th e Boys of ’98 m ay ta k e
a lesso n f-rom th e experi
ence o f t h e
H e r o e s o f th e
W it .
H undreds of t h e B o y s
o f ’6 3 have t e s t if ie d to the
effica c y of Dr. W illia m s’
Pink P ills for P ale People
in d riv in g ou t m a la r ia ,
r h e u m a tis m and. o th e r
d is e a s e s c o n t r a c t e d d u r in g t h e ir d ays of hardship
and p riv a tio n in th e army,
These pills are t h e b e s t
tonic in th e world..
By bui I d i n g up t h e blood, a n d
S tren g th en in g th e n erves they r e a c h th e - r o o t o f m a n y
seriou s d is e a s e s .
Asa Robinson, of Mt. Sterling. III., is a veter
Z7« W I L L I A M S ' A-
an of the Civil war, having served in the 83rd
IN K
ILLS
!(!
S ;;
5 ¡2
FOR
ILE
'<
3 ,
b\oofl buWflw sM »tot« Tonic
At d r u g g is ts o r d ir e c t fr o m
th e Dr W illiam s M e d ic in e Co.
S ch en ectad y,N X ,50 cen ts per box.
Pennsylvania Volunteers. He went to the
war a vigorous farmer's boy and came back
broken in health, a victim of sciatic rheuma
tism. Most of the time he was unfitted for
manual labor of any kind, and his sufferings
were at all times intense. He says . "Nothing
«eemed to give me permanent rtflief until three
years ago. whon my attention was called to
some of the wonderful cures effected by Dr
Williams' Pink Pills for Pale People. I had
not taken more than half a box when I noticed
an improvement in my condition, and I keep on
improving steadily. To them I owe my res
toration to health. They are a grand remedy.”
— M i. S t ir lin g D im o c ra t-M ts ta g i.
WANTED—SEVERAL
ONN
1 .» if . D 1» c- V ». ., ^ •. TRUSTWORTHY
i vx v *. - ■ vv »»«*■» ■ ■ HERM
■ ■ • —
• , IN
—
tl i itule to manage our buslner» in their on n
d i earhy counties. It is nuiinly ofliee work
H ducted* ul home. S ii I hiv rtrniuht |WX) a
hi Hint expense»--« i finite, hotiaflde, no more
» less snlary. M onthly 175. Heferencu. i.u-
o-e self-addresMt d H sinpcd envelope, He rbert
. Hess, I’resl., hept. M. Chicago.
N a v a l liexpedanc«.
F ifty y«ai's ago tho nllovranco of
paint in lit « British navy was very
«mall, anil sometimes tho officers hud
♦u pay large sums in order that their
chips m ight maintain u decent appear
U e n e fle la l E ffect» o f Coffbe.
ance. Ouo of them resorted to a hnmor-
r,n* expedient, lith er Io soften tho hcurt
A woman writer who gave up coffee
of the uavy board, or if that proved im [ recently found tliut «lie was unable to
possible, to express bin opinion.
coutmuo her writing with any success
Mir Jehu Phillimore painted or.o side i until bhu hud resorted uguiu toth ostim
i f his old yellow frigate bluck and aim ing beverage Without it her mind
w hite end used tho r u t of tho black wan logy aud heavy The Medical Time*
paiut In printing on tho other sido in quote* an authority on tho subject of
largo hitters, “ No more paint."
prescribing coffee u* u medicine in eer
Tho navy board wrote to call his at- tain states of great debility and adit*:
fontiou to tho impropriety of bis con
"Tea and coffee oeeui to be much
duct mid signed themselves, it* they did alike in many respects, hut the latter is
ofllclully, "Your affuetlonato friends.” greatly prefcrahlo a* to it* sustaining
To this Sir John replied that ho could power It would ho a great advantage
not obliterate tho objoetionablo letters to our working classes and a great help
unless Lu was given inoro paint mid toward the further development of so
signed him self in turn. "Your uffeo cial sobriety if coffee were to come into
I innate frit'll4 John Pliillimore. ”
greatly increased use and if the u tility
Tho navy board then called his atten to make it w ell could
acquired As
tion to tho impropriety of tho signature, nu example of the difference of effect of
to which Sir John replied. ackuowledg tea aud coffee upon tho nerves the
iug the lottir, stating tliut be regrotted writer note« what he believe* ninny
that tlin pumt bud lint heeu sent and sportsmen w ill confirm— that it ia far
eliding: "I uni no longer your affection better to driuk coffee than tea when
ate friend, John Phillimore. ”
shooting Tea, if strong or in any quan
H is frigate was allowed to retain her tity, especially if tho individual lie not
original yellow, mid perhaps tho navy In very robust health, w ill induce usert
board did right thus to punish Sir John's of nervousness which is very prejudicial
lio pertinence. — Youth's Companion.
to steady shooting. Under its influence
one i* apt to shoot too quickly, whereas
CuMkblaiica.
coffee stri d iis tho luuid and gives quiet
T i x 1*07 atixwl on tho burning dock, whence
nerves ”
a ll but him had »kipped- -
Aje. stood
ho there w ith unxlouu
eye« and
rath er t io m b lj Upped -
F u r. rtneo tho deck was hot enough to boko «
tu rk ey b n * u
h n tl h a rin g unsolvtl pantaloon«, bo akia-.ik
from e lttliig dowu.
~ lk«i.\*i
Fcjt
The w o m a n w h o ia
w e a k , tie iv o u a, tire d and
e xh austed ; w h o ha*« a
pour and v a ria b le «Upe
t ile and no streng th or
n e rv e ; w h o auffera from
p a in t and ach e*. drag
c in g do w n and
b u rn in g u n w
tio n a ; and who
r e c o g n is e s ,
h e r s e l f , that
she h a * become
ir tita b le , cross,
blue and d e
spondent. in iu
a lm o s t e v e r y
ca*>e s u tle r ng
fro m w eak neat
and disease o f
th e d e l i « a t e
an 1 im p o rta n t org a n * th it b. g] th«- bu rd en s
o f m a te rn ity .
Th o u « a n d * o f w o m en suffer in thia w ay
and do not recognise the ctate. or i f they
d o u n d e rs ta n d th e ir c o n d itio n , neglect it
ra th e r th a n aub m it to the ob noxious e xa m
¡n a tio n * and local tre a tm e n t instated upon
b y th « average p h ys ic ia n .
h r P ierce’s
F a v o rite P res c rip tio n ia a w o n d e rfu l m e d i
c in e for w o m en w h o suffer in th i* way. It
doe» aw a y w ith the necessity for these try
in g ordeals, a nd m ay be used in th e p riv a c y
o f th e ho m e. It acta d ire c tly on th e d e li
cate o rg a n * r o n c tr n e d , and m a k e * them
stro n g , vigorous and h e a lth y
It banishes
th e d i «ton» fo ils o f th e e xp e c ta n t p e rio d and
m ak e s b a b y ’s advent easy and alm ost pain
leas
It tia n a fo n n s w e a k , nervous, p e tu la n t
in v a lid s in to h a p p y w iv e s and m others
T h o u s a n d s o f w om en h a re te stifie d , over
th e ir o w n signatures, to th is fact.
The
“ F a v o rite P r e s c r ip tio n ’ ’ m ay be procured
from any good m e d ic in e d e a le r
Kny worn
an w h o w ill w rite to h r R V Pierce. B u f
falo, N Y , m a y have th e a d v ic e o f an e m in
c u t a nd s k illf u l specialist w ith o u t charge
Mr« Cora M Mcl<aurin o f Xorkport Copiah
Co Mis» writes
’’ I had displacement and
taiam inattoM of the ulerys
I was under the
frm tiu e u t o f our fam ily p h yskiao to» * •<>"<
I iim «* bui received noheneUt
I had falltagot ta
K ra a l organs with utceratioti and ralar<cm eot
1 comnteov'sl n»iux I»» Pierce « Favorft« Prw
acriptiou ikild eii Medical Discovery 1 Pleataot
W U<U aud B a tia U oi Am aii Weed ’
Prom
th« ir a t day I twgao to improve and ia a «hurt
tun« I was able to do all n o housework
It it
had not been tbi you» medicines I Mould nave
been dead king ago ”
S to m a ch and live r tro u b le s w ith sluggish
action o f th e bow els are c u re d by D octor
F w /c e ’a P leuuaul P e lle t*
*
&
X
Aod, J n ilx in g
C iv il
THE
N O SM ALL D EG R EE.
T h o u s h t H im d u e of th e Q n r e r O n e ,.
Mr yuiller-Cou-h tells this story In
the Fall Mall Magazine: "Hicks, gov
eruor of the Cornwall County Lunatic
asylum, had a great many friends—ex
tramural friends, 1 mean—and among
them an accomplished laiidsrti]io paint
er This artist, captivated by the beauty
of the little H'aport towu of East Lix>e,
took lodgings there, chose bi* 'subject'
and sturted to make some draw lugs of it
on the rocks at low tide.
"A few days later Hicks drove over
to see him, olid arrived at West Looe to
be taken ucmsstbv harbor in a I «out To
hi* surprise, he found a boatman w ait
ing for him S till more to 111* surprise,
the boatman liail.sl him thus: ,
" 'Aw, Mr Hicks, I’ve a-been look
ing out for co the lust day or two, I
kuowed you'd come
lie's over here
now
tie's been hollering and screech
ing He sits at low water down among
the weed, a painting nt a hit of boat'd,
and be calls out, "Come into the gar-
deu, Maud. ” A pretty garden ho’vo
a got there I "1'in hero by the gate
alone. " Not a gate within a m ile of
uni You van take uu . he's quiet.' "
H r r w t t f » o f M in d .
Although it is net given to every laxly
to know exactly what to do at tho right
momeut. one woman nt least can lay
claim to a preseucs of mind which may
without undue exaggeration, he coiisid
en d phenomenal
Tins woman's little boy was ailing
from some trivial childish complaint,
ami the doctor ordered huu seme tutili
i cine
He had just tnkcu his daily dose
wheu his mother said, with sc tue ex
I citeiuelit:
"I quite forgot to shake thet bottle
, afore giein re t, Johuule. Come here. " |
Johnnie obeyed, and. much to bis as
touishuient and disgust, was subjected
to a vigorous .baking fn in the strong
arms of the parent, at the euncluaiou of
which he tu n laid dowu with the re
mark
"There, my laddie, that U dae
It
should be gey wtx*l mixed up uoo. I'm
' tbilikili. but <h ii I let me forget again. "
Jvhuule | rouilMd. - Fvaisuu s Week
tw
W IN D FALLS FOR GAMINS.
T w o L a v is h G ifts lles to v re d
B r i g h t B o y *.
on a P a ir of
*
*
*
*
L a tte r
*
Have Iteea
*
C o lo a e l to
*
It was a squatter’s cabin on the bor
ders of a big Hwamp, aud tho squatter
biirself sat smoking his pipe us the
colonel rode up anil uskod for a drink
of water. One of the half dozen ch il
dren ran to the swamp with a gourd
aud filled it, but the colonel turned
away from it and sa id :
“ I oau't drink that stuff; it's fu ll of
young tadpoles,”
“ Yes, they do seem to be party
thick," replied the squatter a* he blew
a cloud of smoko above bis head.
" I should think you'd be afraid to
swallow thoso things," said tho colonel.
"D on’t see uutbiu to bo afraid of,
sail. Reckon i t ’s worso on the tadpoles
than on us. Bin drinkiu it right along
for20years, and nobody's bin hurt y it .”
“ There must be lots of malaria around
here. ”
“ Mebbe they are, sah, but I haven’t
seen one us 1 knows of. Do they walk
or fly?”
“ Malaria is what breeds ch ills and
fever," explained the colonel.
“ Oh, that’s it? Must bo round here
then, though wo ain ’t worryin an y.”
“ But you shouldn't live here iu this
miasma."
“ Uuuno what your miasma is, but if
she tackles this fam ily she'll git the
worst of it. We a in ’t takiu a bluff from
anything."
"My friend,” continued tho colonel
as ho looked urouud, "did you ever hear
of bacteria?”
"Never, sah. Does ho walk or fly?”
“ And did you ever hear of a m i
crobe?”
“ Nover did. Is be on the fight?”
“ How on earth you can live here,
oontignous to th is pestilential morass,
with the air w eighted dowu w ith ma
laria, is more than I can understand."
The squatter looked up to the man
on horseback for a long minute, as if
puzzling over the words, and then
queried:
"W hat's ‘contiguous' mean?"
" It means alongside cf. ”
“ And w hat’s ‘pestilential’?”
“ Sickness and death.”
“ And w hat’s a ‘morass’?”
“ A sw am p.”
“ Look here, stranger,” continuod the
squatter, as he roso up, kuoekud the
fire out of h is pipe and looked very
serious, “ I ’ve lived here all my life,
and I ve seen a thousand people go
'long this road, but you are the first
critter who has gone at it to upset me
aud make me feel discontented and un
happy. ”
“ I was simply speaking of tho situa
tion ,” explained tbo colonel.
“ And so am I, sah, uuil the situation
are jest th is: Y ou’ve come along and
made up faces at my tadpoles, you ’ve
throwed malaria and miasma at me,
you’ve talked of pestilence and morass
and microbes, and you’ve jest got me so
riled up thut I ’m bouud to say that if
you don’t want to ask fur a chaw of
terbackcr or wasn’t iuteudiu to stop
and talk politics you'd better be a-git-
tin nnd keepa-gittiu till you git beyond
tbo next turn in tbo road. You may
puss all right iu somo parts, but I ’m
dawgoned if you ain't twico too par
ticular fur sioh common folks h s we
nro around yerel" —tit. Louis Pout-Dis-
patch.
H e T w ie te d th e L lo n 'i T a ll,
L a u S l>e4 A v a r th e D a a s e r,
The man sitting on a salt nun-el had
Ben Cabla of Illinois tells of an ex- a hand on which only two fingers were
pefience of his iu inidocoau. The day left, und sizing him up for a veteran of
was foggy, aud most of tho passengers the war I asked him if hejjadn t been
were below listening to two evangelists wounded by an exploding shell.
who wore holding a particularly fervid . “ No, not us I roinembers of," ho re
gospel meeting in the saloon. Suddenly plied as he held up his baud and turned
aud without the slightest warning there
it over und over.
was a terrific crash aud tho engines j " I thought that might have been the
stopped. Every one rushed or. fleck, i case, but you probably got caught in
Tho steamer had run into an iceberg.
some sort of machinery?”
>(
Nobody knew what damage hud beou , “ No, not exactly machinery, sor.
done, and everybody was ready to fly j "Gun expkxle in your bunds?
into a panic. Tbo boats were lowered, I “ No, no gun didn't explode.
nnd then for the first time the two evan- i I gave it up at that, but after a few
gelists, who bad been forgotten in tho minutes the man looked up und said:
saloon, appeared on deck. They wore , “ Stranger, you’vo seen a lion, I reck
their overcoats and their hats and they
carried rugs and handbags. They elbow on?"
“ Oh, y es.”
ed their way rudely to the rail, w ith | “ Seen ’em caged and looking as harm
the evident intent of securing for them- j
less os cats?"
t,
»elves first places iu the boat. It was
" Y e s; they generally look that- way.
just at a tim e when a breath would have ! “ That’s the way I sized up one in u
seut tho passengers panic stricken into j cage iu a circus. Ho lay tbero, looking
the boats.
so sleepy and good natured and harmless
Tbo sight of the tw o evangelists was that I thought it wus a swindle on the
about to undo the work of cool headed public aud I ’d try to rouse him a b it."
officers, when a pert little cockney step
“ And so you poked him?" I queried.
ped up to the gentlemen w ith the rugs
“ No, sir; no poking. I jest calculat
aud handbags.
ed to gin his tail about three twists aua
“ Beg pardon,” said ho, tipping his make him feel that lifo wasn’t all beef
cap, “ ’avo a cab, sir?”
aud bones and sunshine. I waited for
Aud in the goneral laugh the danger “ ‘ chau^ )md then j rcached „.yband
of pauio was averted. Washington ,
jt from jiun'H WOuth
P ost
__ ______________
I to tho middle of his tail?”
“ Several feet at least."
T h e no rn ea o f M a n ila .
“ I thought it was about a rod, but I
Among the first things to impress a
stranger aro the horses. Descended from know better now. I hadn't more n got
horses brought from Mexico, they have hold of his tail when lie got hold of me
become much smaller, w hile they nro and was gulpiug down them missing flu
also much more shapely. Iu fact, I have gers. He wanted the hull baud and arm,
never seen a better looking breed. There but they beat biui off. I thought at first
is nothing of the pony in their shape, I wouldn’t expluin matters, but then I
though in size they rauge between 48 and thought I would. I look u good deal like
S2 inches. At first it looked absurd to a fool, don't 1?"
“ Hardly that.”
see them ridden by big men whose stir
“ Well, you do, nnd that’s why I ex
rups hung down to the horses’ knees,
but I soon found out that they easily plained. I was fool ’uuff to twist a
carried a rider weighing 200 pounds. liou's tail, aud you may be fool 'uuff to
The foreigners have a jockey club, I want to poke ono in the eye, aud so my
which holds two meetings a year at the : advice is ‘Don’t .’ ’’—ChicagoNews.
beautiful turf track at Santa Mesa. To
T h e P r e h l.to rio D o«.
avoid sliarp practice members of the
In tho Roman period not ODly were
club only ere eligible to ride. This
necessitates a scale of weights starting sight hounds and scent houuds fully
at 133 pounds aud rising to 154 pounds. differentiated, but there wero also va
It demonstrates the speed and strength rious kiuds of lapdogs aud house dogs,
of these miniature horses that a mile although uoue quito liko our modern
has been run in 2:10 by a pouy carry breeds. Evon as far back as about 3,000
ing 150 pounds. Only stallions are B. C. Egyptian frescoes show not only
used. Mares enuuot oven be brought greyhouudliko breeds, but one with
into tho city. Nobody walks; everybody drooping cars liko a hound, and a third,
rides, nnd on any special fiesta thou which ha* been oompnred to tho modern
sands of carriages fill tho streets. I turnspit, while house dogs s lid lapdogs
doubt if there is a city in tho world came in soon afterward. Whether any
that can turn out half the number of of these are the direct ancestor* o f mod
private vehicles in proportion to tho ern breeds or whether all such have
been produced by subsequent crossing is
population.
a very difficult question to answer, more
F a it h f u l U n to D e a th .
especially when wo recollect that if un
On tho point of courage wo have not ancient Egyptian artist had to draw tho
yet seen ill print a very notable instance portrait of a modern dog it would bo
that is current in service circles. It re very doubtful whether it would bo rec
lates to ono of the numerous heroio but ognized by its master or mistress.
useless struggles on the northwest fron
But tho record of tho antiquity of do
tier of India when our men wero sont mesticated dogs does uot even stop with
forward to carry positions that hnd to the earliest known Egyptian nionn-
bo relinquished as soon as occupied. rnents. Not only wero such breeds known
When tlio men were retiring, harassed in Europe during tho iron and bronze
by the fire of tho hillsmeu und bewil ages, but also during tbo nntccedeut
dered by the growing durkuess, a party ueolithio or polished stone period.
of 13 went nstray aud found themselves These have been described by Professors
in a position whero resistance aud re Rutimeyor and Woldrich, aud those
treat were alike hopeless. They wero who are acquainted with tbo difficulty
exposed without protection and were of distinguishing between some of tho
shot down one by one.
living species by their skulls alone w ill
When their comrades retook the val understand tho laborious nature of the
ley aud discovered the bodies, they dis task. Still these authorities appear to
covered also the evidences of a rare act have made out thut the tiwiBS neolithic
of courage, devotion aud cool judgment. dog (Canis palnstris) bad certain cranial
Knowing that their end had come, and, resemblances to both houuds and span
knowing further that every Lee-Metford iels, and thus indicated an advanced
rifle that fell into tho hands of the Af- type, which is considered to have been
ridis meant tho loss of wauy English derived from neither wolves nor jackals,
lives, the men had extracted the breech hut from some species now extinct. Two
locks from tho rifles aud hurled them other breeds have also been recognized
down the ravine, so that the rifles when from the superficial deposits of the con
taken should bo useless to their captors. tinent, and tf, as is very likely to be
—London Saturday Review.
the case, any or all of these races aro
the forerunners of some of tho modern
T h « K affn r an d th
breeds it w ill readily bo understood how
Here is a story that tho late Freder cumplex is tho origin of the mixed group
ick Donglase used to tell about himself, which wo now call Canis familiaris.—
says the Buffalo Expresa. Once when Knowledge.
he wa* in Dublin he felt very lonesome
ttte N ig h t B efo re Christmas.”
Ho was wandering about the streets
Mr. Clarence Cook contributes to Tho
when he was attracted by two violins
iu the window of a secondhand dealer. Century an article on "Tho Author of
Frederick entered nnd asked the price ‘A V isit From St. Nicholas’ "—Clem
ent C. Mooro. Mr. Cook says of the ori
of ono of the instruments.
" F ive shillings, sor,” said the Irish gin of tho familiar poem:
Mr. W illiam 8. Pelletreau, in tho in
dealer.
Frederick tnued the violin and began teresting account of Dr. Moore’s life
to piny "Rocky Road to Dublin. ” Soon which ho has just published, tells u*
the proprietor's wifo heard the musio that tho “ V isit From tit. Nicholas” was I
nnd eutered the rear door. Then Fred written iu 1822 os a Christmas present
erick started iu on "The Irish Washer for liis children, and that a young lady
woman. ” and the couple began to dance visiting the family copied it into her al
for dear life. When the mnsio nnd bum aud sent it, unknown to Dr. Moore,
dancing stopped, Frederick tendered the to the editor of the Troy Sentinel, who
dottier 5 shillings, but his performance printed it without the author’s name in
on the violiu hnd greatly enhanced its the Issue of »iat journal for December
valuo iu tho mind of tho storekeeper, 23, 1823. From tbo newspaper it found
and as he hurried away to a place of its way to tho school readers and speed
ily became a great favorite with ch il
security be exclaimed:
" If a black uagnrcan git sich chuuee dren all over the country.
Mr Felletrean tells usthat Dr. Moore
out of that fiddle. I'll never sell it at
was at first annoyed by the appearance
any price, begorrahl”
cf the poem in print, as be had uot in
tended it for the public and thought it
A W o n d e r tv l T im « D iv id e r.
The new pendulniu chrooosrojm is a mere trifle with but slight literary
said to be the most wonderful tiraiug merit. No doubt it was with somo mis
instrument in the world. It measures givings that. 20 years later, bo gave it
accurately down to the one-thoiiMiidth a plaea in the volume of hi* collected
part of a second. It can be used with poems. With the proverbial blindness
the quickness of a stop watch, and nei of writers he probably thought this
ther electrician nor mathematician is playful sally, written to please his
needed to operate the instrument, which yenngsters at their Christmas merry-
is mechanical, w ilh simple electrical making, far inferior to its ull forgotten
attachments. The speed of a caunou copjpuuions. of which be sav* in hi*
ball can be determined by »be new preface, "Some of them have twat me
timer, aud it w ill tell the lapse of time rau eh time aud thought, nnd I
between the firing cf a revolver and tho compos«! them all a. earoially and cor
starting of a runner, or determine how rectiy as I could."
long it take* a boxer to deliver a blow
Quito recently the pretty w ife of a
prosperous manufacturer was looking
into a confectioner's window when a
barefooted lud of about 10 coolly walk
cd up to licr and placed his rugged arm
through hers.
“ Excooso this liberty, m um ,” he
suiil, w ith comical ceremony, “ but 1
ain't got u mother o ’ my own, an I feels
lonely. Will ye kiss me?”
For a moment the lady was too as
T h a n k f u l.
tonished to speak, but the sight of the
They woro of tho irredeemably snob
dirty fuco turned so auduciously up
to hers drove uwuy her indignation. ’ bish typo. One of them heaved a sigh
Much to tho amusement of the passers- | and remarked:
by she kissed the lad soundly, asked j "W hat a pity it is, dcah boy, that
him where ho lived aud dismissed him the Prince of Wales doesn’t live in the
with a few coppers. But that wu* n o t ' United States!”
the cud of the little iucideut, for somo I “ Never mind, old chap. Be thuukful
weeks after the boy was bunted up by for what you have. It'a something to
tlie iady's linsbaud and presented with j be living on tho same earth w ith him,
£100—"payment for the kiss taken iu you know. "— Washington Star.
front of the confectioner's w indow ,"
U p t o Snuff.
the lady said.
«
A good nutured gentleman who is
very .tout, aud on thut accouut docs
not cure to stoop, ouco dropped his brier
pipe in the middle of a busy street.
The pipe was a great fuvorile of his,
but he dared not run the risk of bending
down, aud after guzing regretfully at
his fallen treasure he decided to ahum
dou it Before bo could do so, however,
a little street aiab saw bis plight, and,
running forward, picked up the pipe i
aud region d it io him.
T he gentleman stared at tho hoy :
without spe aking for awhile, aud then
pulled a handful of gold out of bis
pocket.
“ Take this, kiddie, aud be careful >
how you spend it," he said. “ Mind al- J Rube Hay— What did yer put them
so that whatever you do with it yon ure tw o straws in tho leniinade fur?
not to spend it on butter scotch, for i Waiter— Why, to driuk it with.
Rube Hay—Gol darn yer iinpcrdenoe,
that's tho stuff that made mu fat."
Ho then walked away, leaving tho becuz I cum fruiu the country, d ’yer
astonished un bin iu possession of a tako mo fur a sucker?—Vim.
wimlfull iimouuiiug to over £30.— bon
t 'w e d d j'a L it t le E ffo rt.
dou Telegraph.
"T his is one I thought u p m ysolf,"
A lto g e th e r T o o W l ie .
said Fweddy. "W hen is a— haw, haw
The eugaged girl wa* thoroughly —when is a guide not a guide?"
modern in her idens, w hile the girl who
Cholly went into a severe mental
wa* net < t ig iig id v ia* g iviu to old fash struggle and finally gave it up.
ioned romanticism.
"W hen it's a wailwoad guide, " said
“ Tell me ull about it," said tho girl Fweddy. “ Ho, ho, hoi He, he I"— Chi
who wus not engaged.
cago Tribune.
“ Oh, tin re isn't much to te ll,” an
■wend the eugaged girl. “ 1 suppose
T o o M a c h to E a d a ro .
the method of proven ure is about the
" I thought I had become hardened to
same in ail cases. ”
parrots," said the middle aged single
"1 prvsume," said the girl who was gentleman whose friends found him
not eiigagisl dreamily, " th at bo louked getting ready to move, "hut a woman
souifuily into your eye* and asked yon has moved across the hull who has one
if yon loved him?’’
of the infernal birds that she lias taught
“ Not a bit of it," returned the e n to jabber baby talk ” —Cincinnati En
gaged girl quickly. "Ha was altogether quirer.
too w is e to ask any such q u estion al
A ll T h a t W as L .r t .
thut. He merely asked mo if I'd m any
Little Vixen— Ixit's see. You've g iv
h im .’’—Chicago Post
en up smoking and swearing and b il
III» t h o le *.
liards Now, what else is there you
Ail Irishman ill Franco was chai oonld give up?
leiigeil by a Frenchman to tight a duel,
Ho— Nothing, dear—unlesa 1 give up
to w Inch he readily consented, and su g you!—Chicago Inter Ocean.
gested shi llalub*.
A W s IX In c S tic k .
“ That won't do," said the second.
“ A* the challenged party you have the
“ I declare it's ju»t too bad," wailed
right to rbis se the arms, but chivalry tlie young and lovely actresa. "They've
demands that yon should decide upon a only given nie a wnlkiug part again."
weapon with which Freucbiueu aro fa
“ Well, you're such a stick, you sec."
W h e r e She G o t T h e m .
miliar. "
replied her boaotu friend. “ I snppoee
“ B u t.” said the inquisitive bachelor
“ is that
rctutuid the Irishman
they thought it would be appropriate." after tho baby bad been carefully
“ Thea, begorra, w e’ll foight w id g m l- —A lly Slope?.
placed iu hi* arm*, "where dr*-« xhe get
liitiues.“ —London Tit Bits.
her bine eyee? Yoora are dark and ao
T b e u a k l H e XX •« T h e re .
are her papa's."
Il is said by philolugists that there
Mr. Staylatc— Talking of queer acci
"Ob, ” the fond ycang mother ex
are 13 original European languages— dent*. Mis* Clara Uppertvn dislocated plained. "»he inherits them from my
the Greek, Latin, German, tilavonio, her jaw the ether day while yawning.
ride of the fam ily My brother Will'»
Welsh. Biscayan, Irish, Albanian, Tar
Miss De Pink (wearilyJ—Did you p w ife ha* jnst «nth eye* exactly."—
tsnau, Ulynau. Josygiau, Cbsuciu and for a doctor?— New Ymk Weekly.
Cleveland Leader.
Filmic
mi ?"
C ant.
Cant, meaning mock hnmilitr, took
its name from the Rev Andrew Cant a
minister in Aberdeenshire, who. during
the time of the Covenanters, wa* famed
for Li. wbming and pretending (error.
A l e n t ¡tu l V ie w .
H* -Why is it that men can keep se-
erst* better than women?
i
•K'nCT!>Ur know a
w.h,ch ,h*T '" u !d ,i t want
told on tham«elv«x._Bit>oklyu Life
Tonight
If your liver is out of order, causing
Biliousness, Sick Headache, Heart
burn, or Constipation, take a dose of
Hood's P ills
On retiring, and tomorrow your di
gestive organs will be regulated and
you will be bright, active and ready
ior any kind of work. This has
been the experience of others; it
will be yours. HOOD’S PILLS un
sold by all medicine dealers. 25 cts.
UNC PAPER
OF THE. J 5 $
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