The West. (Florence, Lane County, Or.) 1890-1921, October 14, 1898, Image 1

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FLORENCE, OREGON, FRIDAY, Oct. 14, 1898.
general directory
STATE OFFICERS-
TRAVELERS’ GUIDE.
TRAVELERS’ GUIDE
S T E A M ER “ M I N K , ”
O---- Will make;.--------- o
lovernor........................W illiam P. Lord. R E G U L A R D A I L Y
ecretary of S 'a te ............. H. IL Kincaid,
— Between----
treasurer....... ............... P hilip Metclien
lupt. Publie Instruction.. ..G. M. Irwin.
Itate P rinter.........................W. H. Leeds
attorney G eneral........... C. M. Idleman.
T R IP S
Florence aid Head of Tide.
u pre me Court
f .............. R. S. Benn
1 ............... F. A. Moore
( , . . . C . E. Wolverton
lodge Second D istrict. .J . W. Hamilton
■rosecuting A tto rn e y .. .Geo. M. Brown
ORTHERN
Pacific, Ry.
H. H. Barrett, Prop’r,
Leaves Florence Mondays, Wednes­
days and Fridays.
Arrives at Florence Tuesdays Thurs­
days and Saturdays.
Connects with Steamer and Scotts­
burg Stage Line for Drain. Also with
Stage Line for Coos Bay. Charges
reasonable.
STAGE LINE.
*
lodge.................................... .E
* • . u O. - l Potter.
o t'
E. Bangs,
I
. .
j ............. W. T. Bai
Bailey
Joinuussioners X..........II. D. Edwa arils
..........E. U. Lee
;ierk..
W. W . Withers !
IlierilT
Elegant
treasurer.......................
Assessor........................ .. ,D. P. Burton
T o u r is t
School Superintendent ...W . M. Miller
. ...C . M. Collier
Coroner.......................... ,W . P. Cheshire
j usticc of l’cacc............ .. ,C. II. Holden
Proprietor.
Dining Cars
Sleeping
Cars
ST. PAUL
M IN N E A P O L IS
following at 10 a. in.
Returning-stage leaves Flor­
ence on Mondays, Wednesdays
and Fridays at 2 p. m., arriving
in Eugene the following day at
G p. in.
FA R Q O
TO
G RAND FORKS
CITY OFFICERS.
CRO OKSTON
W I N N IP E G
H E L E N A anil
President.................. W. H. Weatberson
BUTTE'
THROUGH TICKETS J The F u n k & W agnalls
TO
C H IC A C O
Standard
Recorder........................ .John H. Morris W A 3 H I N C T O N
treasurer ..............................J . A. Pond P h il a d e l p h ia
|Mar»bal........................... G. C. Compton i n e w Y o r k
BOSTO N AND
SECRET SO CIETIES.
A F- A A. M. Florence Lodge No. 107.
in> Regular communicfttion on second
ENG LISH LANGUAGE
ALL
COM PLETE
P O IN T S E A S T anil S O U T H
For information, time cards, maps and tickets
¡«nJ fourth Saturdays in each month.
O. W. Hutto, W. M.
[ I. G. K sotts , Secretary.
R.
M
Dictionary
Of The
etc., call on or write
I
Single fare - -
85.00
Round trip . . - - 89.00
Tickets for sale at F. Bangs’
livery barn, Eugene, and at O. AV.
Ilu rd ’s office in Florence.
SU C C IE N T
Why let your neighbors
know it?
And why give them •
chance to guess you are even
five or ten years more?
Better give them good
reasons for guessing the
I other way. It is very easy;
for nothing tells of age so
| quickly as gray hair.
Vigor
is • youth-renewer.
It hides the age under a
luxuriant growth of hair the
color of youth.
i It never fails to restore
color to gray hair. It will
stop the hair from coming
out also.
I It feeds the hair bulbs,
i Thin hair becomes thick hair,
and short hair becomes long
hair.
It cleanses the sea ip; re­
moves all dandruff, and
prevents its formation.
We have a book on the
Hair which we will gladly
send you.
I f you do not obtain all the bene-
I fit» you expected from the uso of tlie
i Vigor, write the doctor about It
I Probably there 1» some tlW unltv
vr'th your general system which
ty be easily removed. Address.
Ir. J. C. Ayer. Lowell, Mass.
A FEW BULLS.
E x a m p le , o f V n c o n a c lo i» flu m o r G a th ered
F roiu O ld Ir e la n d .
The propensity of tlio Irish people to
make “ balls” is undoubtedly a deep
rooted national characteristic, and it
w ill probably be one of their meutal
G, A. IL General Lyons Post, No. 58
attributes to tho end of time, or until
meets second and fourth Saturdays
the race is radically transformed— a
of each month at 1:30 p. in.
consummation pot to bo wished for in ­
J. I. B utterfield , Commander.
The full number of words and terms in
........J. c. FLINT, Proprietor........ different dictionaries for the entire alphabet is deed. This g ift— for there is really
J. L. F urnish , Adjutant.
something to be prond of in its posses­
as follows: S^ ormgntii , 50,000; W orchestkr sion— is not, as is commonly supposed
F lo r e n c e , O re g o n .
105,000; W ebster (international), 125,000; C e n ­ in England, confined to the lower, or
tury , (six volumes.
complete,) 225,000: perhaps it would he better to say the
0. U. AV. Perpetua Lodge, No. 131,
nnedneated, classes. I t is certainly
■ meets every 1st and 3d Saturdays OUR AIM—To furnish the be STANDARD, over 300,000;
more widespread among the humbler
eieli month.
Members and visiting
accommodations
at
reasouabe
, T,
T.
I folks, bat very often amusing examples
brethren in good standing are cordially
.Sample Pages Free.........
of ¡t come tripping from the hasty
I invited to attend. J. .1. A nderson , M.W . prices.
AV si . K yle , Recorder.
_____
tongues, aud even from the leisurely
pens, of educated aud well to do people.
In a recent annual report of a benev­
I 0. O. F. Ifeceta Lodge No. 111, meets
acents w a n te d
olent society having its headquarters in
1» every Wednesday evening in I<odge
Dublin, the following deligbtfnf sen­
[ Hall, Florence, Oregon. Brothers in
W . W . N E E L Y , Prop’r.
j
tence occurs: “ Notwithstanding the
good standing invited to attend.
T homas J . B oren , N. G.
large amount paid by the society for
Tables furnished with all the
C has . H . V andekburg , Sec.
medical attendance and medicine, very
Pacific Coast Agents
delicacies of the season. Wild
few deaths occurred daring the year.”
A Cork newspaper published a report
SA N FRANCISCO, C A L.
game, fish and fruit in season. Best
of an open air political meeting, in
933 M arket S t.
CHURCH DIRECTORY
which this paragraph appeared: “ Mr.
accomodations for the traveling j
M. A. Brennan next spoke at lunch
length in his nsnal happy style, Lnt
RESBYTERIAN CH U RCH , Florence,; public. Charges reasonable.
N ot A lw a y s a G ood R a le .
from the distance we were wholly un­
Oregon. S.ihbath service: Sabbath-:
“
M
y
boy,”
said
the
tld
gentleman
able tocatch the purport o f hisremurks. "
•cbool, It) o'clock a. m. Preaching 11
who was trying to impress one of the
Even the commissioners of national
o'clock a. m. ami 7 p. in. Sacram ent of
lessons of life upon his young hopeful, education in Ireland are occasionally
the Lord's «upper on 1st Sabbath of
! “ in all the affairs of life dou’t forget subject to this strange hat laughable
January, April, July and October. |
Everybody is welcome to all tiic services.
to aim high. "
ooufusion of thought and utterance. lu
Pastor request« C hristians to make
"Oh, that’s all rig h t,” replied the a parliamentary blue book containing
themselves known.
boy bitterly, "b ut with my luck the the annual report of the commissioners
I. G. K notts , Pastor.
chances are t hat after the buttle I would of national education and signed by
find that success bad been lying down these august personages the following
in tho trenches. I tell yon, dad, those titb it may he read: “ The female teach­
blind old hit or miss rules dou’t go any ers were instructed in plain cooking.
ATTORNEYS
more. The thing to do is to aim for They had, lu fact, to go throngb tho
what you’re after."
process of cooking themselves in tu rn ."
Aud that naturally ended the lesson
Bat it is among the peasantry os a
for the day — Chicago Post.
class that the making of balls more
widely prevails. A couutry woman
G enerous.
walking throngb the streets of Lim er­
Countryman (to dentist)—- I wouldn’t ick caught sight of a small coffin dis­
pay Dothiug for extra gas. Just yank played as a grewsome trade sign iu an
® u g o rxe ,
-
O re g o n
her out if it does hurt.
undertaker's shop window. “ Oh, glo­
2 f ig lin o m i 7 and 8 McLnren’n Building.
Dentist— Yon are plucky, sir. Lot r y ,” she exclaimed, “ is it possible that
fP>ciai attention given to collections and pro-
me see the tooth.
coffin can bo intiuded for any livin cr'a-
business.
Countryman— Oh, 'taiu’t me that’s ture?”
got the toothache. I t ’s my wife. Bhe’ll
The owner of a valuable horse was
be herein a minute.— Everywhere.
very indignant w ith his stable boy for
E. O POTTER.
having allowed the animal, which he
D e c e p tlv . A p p e .r a o r « » .
had taken out for a morning trot, to
................. A ttorney-at-Lnw ..................
"Appearances are so deceptive, un­ take bead.
EUGENE, OREGON,
less one knows how to interpret them.”
"T h e riivil a bit o’ me oould shtop
NOTARIES. ______
"How , dear?”
him. sir, for I had no spars,” was the
’rrtez At the Court Home.
“ I can always tell whcD my husband boy's strange excuse.— Spectator.
is going to he near w ith his money
On III. Ow n H onk .
wbeu I ask him for some by his assum­
E . E . B E N E D IC T ,
ing a faraway look.’ ’— Cincinnati En
"H o w are you, Scroggins? Where
q u i r e r . ________________
have yon been for the last year?”
A T T O R N E Y - A T - L A W
"Conducting an agricultural experi­
Sb« R ad B e e . R ead taff D o o l« ,.
ment
station in tbe country. ”
"Oh, well, what’s the nse being a
Florence. : : Orczou.
"Salary annexed to tbe job?"
O r e g o n - hero, anyway?”
"N o ”
¡« lo r e n o a ,
"W h y are you discouraged?”
"G e t a commission on rales of the
“ I t isn’t oumyown account. I heard
FRANK B. WILSON-
a woman arrayed in costly garments re­ stuff vou raise?"
HOTEL,
A
Head of Tide Hotel,
E. D. BRONSON & CO,
P
Elk P rairie Hotel.
Twentv-three
Miles West
of Eugene.
A. C. WOODCOCK,
Attorney a t Law,
ON E U G E N E A N D
FLORENCE
STAGE
ROUTE.
Money Saved
By
Patronizing it.
Prop.
Geo. Hale
A. R. BUTTOLPH,
Notary Public, Surveyor
BO YEARS*
EXPERIENCE
P atents
M»""»
Dcarana
T rad «
-----
COPYRIGHTS A C .
•"I'tlns a rtH rh and
“ 2 ? r « < -rU ln onr opinion fr » . »fcrtbvr • •
« L * '2? '• r ro h .h lr patmteM» fom m M ik»-
NOTARY
PUBLIC.
fer to him as Teddy Rosenfleld yester­
day.” —Cleveland l*ad«r.
noRENO E. - -
-
Not » ftrlenttet.
College Professor— Your father in a
wealthy furmer, I understand. He con­
ducts his farm on scientific principles.
I presume?
Student— No; he rnns it to rnako
money — New York Weekly.
n R E fi;,N
PATENTS
^•«nrtlroooSiSm rtiu. H.nUbooXon l'«tMt»
P ,/’**-
aesoey for w m n ns paleo!..-
**b*e Uroarh Mann A eo- r v a C
*
«ofa-a.
Il uirut
hont cuarge,
retar.«, iu
in auv
th«
—mm, » « h
Scientific Anttilan.
UhostmlM ww»ly. '•"***'.i* .
of . n , a H a n t^ j^ m jL
J^rmonUaSL
C A. SNOW & CO.
"No ”
“ How do yon moke it profitable,
then?”
" I don't make it profitable. It has
cost me |2 000 in oath to run i t . "
" W h y dou’t you throw up tho job?”
"C a u ’t you uudirrtaud, confound
you? I'v e tieen doing amateur farm ­
ing. " —Chicago Tribune.
TV»« D e a r y P a r t.
W».TSD—»SVB»*l.rsr«TWOBTIIV F..EOS« I s
thia «late t - m «p«»r " « r Ix iH n rm In th e ir .iwn
i , ,1 , e r h r mnnlie«. It I- m .ln ly «Jlee «erb
,««r and e v X " **_ ‘:e<l"iti - S"n.J<1e, Mab-r-
ml.rv Umilhlf F * Ri-tee-nce. In
J b X " a .|f-a Mrwswl ' t.mded riiTelope. Herbert
i l m P n - l , . Kept M. Ib irM to
D ry G oods
F a n c y G oods
F u r n is h in g G oods
C lo th in g
ê Shoes
wiiumea. st,
A U T H O R IT A T IV E
MORRIS
I t was a squatter's cabiu on the bor­
ders of a big swnrnp, and tbe squatter
himself sat smoking his pipe as tbe
colonel rode up and asked for a drink
of wator. One of the h alf dozen c h il­
dren ran to the swamp w ith a gourd
and filled it, bnt the oolouel tnrued
away from it aud said:
"1 can’t drink that staff; It's fa ll of
_ JL
young tadpoles.”
"Yes, they do seem to be party
th ic k ," replied the squatter as he blew
a cloud of smoke above his bead.
" I should think you’d be afraid to
swallow those tbiugs," said tbe colonel.
"D o n 't see unthin to be afraid of,
sab. Reckon i t ’B worse ou the tadpoles
than ou us. Bin drinkin it right along
for 20 years, and nobody’s bin hurt y it. ”
"T here must be lots of maluria around
here."
"Mebhe they are. Bah, bnt I haven’t
seen one us 1 knows of. Do they w alk
or fly?”
"M a la ria Is w hat breeds chills aud
fever,” explained the colonel.
"O h, that's it? Must be ronnd here
then, though we a in 't worry iu a n y ."
"B u t yon shouldn't live here iu this
miasma."
“ Liunno what your miasma is, bnt i f '
she tackles this fam ily she’ll git tbe
worst of it. We a in 't takin a bluff trom
anything.”
“ M y frien d ,” continued the oolon«l
as he looked around, "d id you over hear
AN ANECDOTE THAT CARRIES IT8
of bacteria?”
“ Never, sah. Does he w alk or fly?”
OWN LESSON.
"A n d did you ever hear of a m i­
crobe?”
S h ow « F o r c ib ly H o w th e N a tio n W e a ld
"N ever did. Is he on the fight?"
M ourn S h o u ld A n y th in * H a p p e n t o th e
“ How on earth you can live here,
H e r o W h o S h e n e n t t h e B e g in n in g an d
contiguous to this pestilential morass,
E n d o f t h e W ar.
w ith tbe a ir weighted down w ith ma­
laria, is more than I can understand.”
A retired business man of this elty
The squatter looked up to the man Who has a reputation among people
on horseback for a long minute, as if Who know him for his kindueas of heart
puzzling over the words, and then was filled w ith distress the other after-
queried:
noon when he was approached by tbe
" W h a t's ‘ contiguous’ mean?"
fi-year-old son of oue of the neighbors
" I t means alongside o f."
The little fellow was crying bitterly,
"A n d what's 'pestilential'?”
and tbe kind hearted man lost no time
"Sickness and death.”
in making iuqniries as to the nature of
"A n d w hat’s a 'morass'?"
tho ch ild ’s troubles.
" A swamp. '*
"C om e,” he said, patting the boy's
"Look here, stranger,” continned the head, " te ll me a ll about i t W ho h art
squatter, as he rose np, knocked the yon?"
fire ont of his pipe and looked very
"N-n-nobody d id n 't hu-urt m e ," the
serious, " I ’ve lived here all my life, sufferer gobbed, "b-b-but Dewey’s dead,
and I ’ve seen a thousand people go boo-hoo-hoo-hoo I*'
'long this road, but you are the first
"Dew ey dead I Great heavens! T h a t’s
critter who has gone at it to upset me terrible. W here’s the newsboy? Dear,
aud make me feel discontented aud un­ dear, dear, dear! I ’m sorry to hear
happy. ”
th a t!"
“ I was simply speaking of the situa­
Aud forgetting a ll about tbe distress
tion, ” explained the colonel.
of the child he rushed into the house,
"A n d so am 1, sah, and the situation exclaiming to his w ife:
are jest this: You’ve come along and
"M am m a, Dewey’s dead!"
made np faces at my tadpoles, you’ve
"M ercy on ns!" tbe lady replied.
throwed malaria and miasma at me, “ W here did yon hoar that?"
you’ve talked of pestilmce and morass
" L ittlo Francis Parker just told me.
and microbes, aud yon’ve jest got me so Poor child I H e’s crying at i f his heart
riled up that I'm bound to say that i f w ill break. I suppose his father has
yon don’t want to ask fnr a ebaw of just brought the news home from down
terbacker or wasn’t intendiu to stop town. I wish the boys wonld harry and
and talk politics yon’d better be a-git- get out this way w ith their papeys. By
tin and keepa-gittin t ill yon git beyond George, thia makes me feel blue!
the next turn in the road. Yon may There’s been some treachery, you mark
pass a ll rig ht in some parts, hat I'm my words! Dewey is tbe victim of foul
dawgoued i f you a in 't twice too par­ piny Now I'm for w iping the whole
ticular fur sicb common folks as we
darned Spanish race off the face of the
are around y e re t"— 8t. Louis Post-Dis­
earth. Nothing short of that w ill atone
patch.
for our loss!"
By this tim e the gentleman bad got
T b a a k f a l.
They were of the irredeemably snob­ to w alking aronnd in a circle, and his
bish type. One of them heaved a sigh w ife felt it to be her duty to do some­
thing to keep him from breaking down
aud remarked:
" W h y don’t you go over to the Par
" W h a t a pity it is. rieah boy, that
tbe Prince of Wales doesn’t live in the kera," she said, "aud find out about it?
There may bo some mistake I do hope
United Btatesl"
"N e ve r mind, old chap. Be thankful it isn't true. "
“ Yea I hope so, too," be replied,
for w hat you have. It's something to
lx» living on the same earth w ith him, mechanically taking his bat us she
handed it to him, "b n t 1 am afraid it
you know. ” — Washington Star.
la I've bad a kind of premonitiou from
tbe first that something was going to
Cp to Snag.
happi-n to Dewey, and I'v e worried a
good d- al over tbe delay in .ending
help to him, although I haven't said
much about IL This completely npsets
me It's just as bad hs i f I ’d lost a
member of my own fa m ily ."
Then he went over to tbe Parkers,
littlo Fmncts having in tbe meantime
returned home
Mrs Parker and her daughter Grace
were sitting on the porch making things
out of fluffy lace and liueu
" W e l l, " the kind hearted man said,
" i t a too bud abent Dewey, isn't it?”
" Y e s ,” Mrs. Parker answered, "w e
feel real bad about him. We bad really
become attached to him. ’
“ Hew and wbeu did i t happen?" the
Rube Hay— W hat did ycr pot them
gentleman asked as be took the chair
two straws in tbe loruinade fur?
that had beru pushed forward by Miss
W aiter— Why, to drink it with.
Rube Hay— Gol darn yor lm per deuce, Grace.
" H e died this afternoon. 1 guess be
becui I cum from the oountry, d 'y er
mast have caught cold. Tbe g irl bad
take me fu r a sneker?— Vim .
the hose out yesterday and .prinkled ou
him, nud I think that started i t ."
F w edd j*« U t t l . K ffort.
The man w ith the kind heart tat
"T h is is one I thought up m yself,"
said Fweddy. "W h e n is a— haw, baw there, looking dumbly at the two ladies
for about a minute, after which be
— wbeu is a guide not a guide?"
Ubolly went iuto a severe mental asked:
" W bat do yon mean?"
struggle and finally gave it np.
" W h y ,” raid M rs Parker, “ tbe lit
"W h e n it's a wailwoad guide, ” said
tie cbiiken that our m ilkm en brought
Fweddy. “ Ho, bo, bol He, h e l” — Chi
in from the country for Francis You
cago Tribune.
never saw it. did you? I t was a dear
Too Mark to KaAsrw,
little thing Francis railed it Dewey In
" I thought I bed Income hardened to honor of the hero <,f Manila. B n t," she
parrots." said the middle aged .in g le sighed, “ i t ’s dead, aud Francis has
gentleman whose friemls fonud him been crying all the afternoon.”
Tbe kind hearted man went home
gettiug ready to move, "b u t a woman
has moved across tho hall who hit. ono shortly after (hat, aud in answer to bis
of tbe infernal b irdstlist.b e has taught w ife . am icus look merely said:
" 'Bother fake. ” — Cleveland Leader.
to jabber baby talk
Cincinnati En­
quirer.
WE DEFY COMPETITION
c M urphey ,
General Agent. Rooms 2 and 4, Shelton Block,
301,86s Vocabulary Terms
EUGENE, OREGON.
247 Editors and Specialists
A. D. C H A R LTO N ,
533 Readers for Quotations
Assistant General Passenger Agent.
5000 Illustrations
255 Morrison St. Cor. 3d.
P o r t l a n d O r . Cost over $960,000
Appendix of 47,468 Entries
IN
L in g e r T h e r e M a ch L o n c e r .
Cars m »arrivinS a*' Florence the day'
Sleeping
WE LEAD
A n d , J o d g ln g b y th a A d e le , t h e L a tte e
G ave t b e F o r m e r , I t W e a ld R a v e B e e a
U a h e a tth y F o r t h e B r a v e C a lo a e l to
Stage leaves Eugene Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays at G a J
DULUTH
Board of Trustees
THE
COLONEL
OISOUSTfc’ O THE
SQUATTER IN NO SMALL DEGREE.
L IN E .
EUGENE-FLORENCE
COUNTY OFFICERS-
O. W. Hurd
Win. Kyle
L. Christensen
M. Morris
WAS TOO SCIENTIFIC.
G -A R D IN E R
S T A G E
NO. 24.
'"They have given me the heaviest
part in tbe new play. *'
" You dou’t say? W hat is i t like?"
"1 have to catch the big fat leading
lady when she faints iu the fourth a c t ”
— Philadelphia Evening Bulletin.
RESPECTFULLY
J : 9c7 or. J . V . K A U F F M A N .
HOW WE LOVE DEWEY
A ll T k a t W a . L eft.
L ittle Vixen— Let's see You've g iv­
en ap smoking and swearing and b il­
liards Now, w hat else is there you
oould give up?
He— Nothing. d~ar—unless I give up
yon I— Chicago In te r Ocean.
O n ly W a y t o D o I t.
" Y o n sw, h ’a this w a y ," l>e M id la
explaining tbe sltnution. "There'« no
(Spaniard dares haul down the flag we
have put up over tbe Philippinea, so
they re goiug to try to ooaviuce ns that
we ought to do i t ourselves." —Chicago
Poet.
an
u n r e p o r t e o f ig h t .
I t I t B v . r C a m e OB, t h o S p a n ia r d * M a r t
H a v e ftufltor«<le
" W e don't happen t* see nothin In
th* papers from th* seat o' w ar 'boat
Josiah Wheelock guttin killed er wound­
ed er Iosin hisselt, dew ye?” asked Unci«
H iram H ayloft, lounging Into Seth
Parker’s general produce store in Ool-
lege Point and leaning against the pork
barrel. " W b a t reg'meut? W hy— no
reg'ment.
W an’t a reg'ment *» *d bev
him. H e o w ’d be go? W aal, I a'poeed
! ye a ll knew ’boat that. One o’ th* «11
flredest, darudest, onrionaest things I
i ever beerd o*. Josiah’s that big, gawky,
slabsidcd, knockkneed, good fu r noth­
in critter *t works on my place. Least­
: wise, his w ife works fa r my wife, an
Josiah's kind enough t* let her, an Bol­
locks her wages f a r her. W hen th* w a r
broke out, Josiah wanted t* go th*
wust way. Jes’ clean looney 'boat it.
Wanted t ’ k ill Spanyarda *D rather
fcill a Spanyurd any day, he said. *n
git a now plug terbaoker. Jes’ looney.
Darudest case o’ fire eatin I ever sea.
Tried t* enlist, but th ’ rccrootin off’oar
wouldn’t bear o’ it. Told Josiah he's
chuck fu ll o’ all sorts o' moth holes,
aud wouldn’t be wuth shocks in th*
army, nohow. Bnt Josiah he pnssiated,
an finally th' recrootiu off'eer mya:
’Got a wife? W h u t’d she dew w ith o ol
ye?’ says he. ‘ Ob, she'll dew fust rat«,'
says Josiah, says be. 'S h e 'll be tickled
t* death t* only bev t* support herself,
an hev Uncle Sam support me, * eaya k *
An at that, th* recrootin off'eer M id e f
Josiah showed bis ugly mug ronn th*
office agin he'd take the responsibility
o’ giviu Josiah an iinytation o* a Span­
ish shell bnstin In th* rear ranks w ith
th ’ toe o' his boot.
" B n t Josiah w on 't cared— no« a bit.
An his w ife wanted him t* go th* was«
way. jes* es Josiah said. T h* local
Daughters o’ Somethin er Notber was
send in boxes o* fancy grab t* th* sol­
diers iu Gaby, an Josiah, unbeknownst,
got iuto an empty packiu oaae, w ith a
peck o’ ham sangwiches aa a jag o’
hard cider, an his w ife nailed h im
deown, an ha w ent off t* Cnby tha«
way.
" T h * boat got in rough water off G a­
by, an they hed t* throw overboard a
lot o’ oasea Thing th at’s passim me ia
did Josiah's case g it kept aboard, o r
was it pitched ont an washed ashore?
E f It got ashore, it lauded on a coast
where tbey's a passel o' three-quarter
starved Bpanyarda A n ef those feliera
ripped off th cover thinkin they was
g ittiu a box fa ll o' fast o I s m Yankee
grub au didn’t find nothin on'y that
humbly cuss Josiah, an ef Josiah,
tbirstin fer Spanish goro, come np like
a jum piu jack an see hiaself hi th ' m id ­
dle o* a drove o' Sponyards w ith black
whiskers — gentlemen, ”
impressively
concluded Unole Hiram , " y e kin talk
o’ Sampson an Sob ley an Sbafter aa
Teddy th* Terror all ya'ra a-m ind «*,
but I ’ll bet a crooked eb illin t* a sugar
cooky that Josiah Wheelock hes bin ia
th ’ fiercest m ilita ry acgpgemeot aver
fit on Cubisn toil, b'goahl ' — l,« w Y« za
Journal.
Olv». Msttaa.
“ The w ar's over. Isn 't it?" inqalrail
tbe rigorous and aggressive partiM u.
" I t may ha considered so," replied
bis friend.
•‘ I ’ve been pretty quiet about my
political views, haven't 1?*'
" Yus. 1 bod hoped yon bad modified
some of your opinions ”
" N o , sir. W lieu the w ar eommsaoprl,
1 announced that uiy sympathies weia
eulisted w ith the administration. Aud
now that tbe w .r is over 1 give nottoa
that they've been mnstesed o at,*’—
Washington Star.
aMDorw.
A shadow flitted across her fare:
tears gatheted iu her «yes.
“ It's positively wicked in m s ," she
exclaimed, " to be purchasing so maoh
costly experience tor myself when dear
Alfred does so used a new straw half"’
W ith that she rose hurriedly and
left the auotiou, although at tbe mo­
ment there w a. bciug offered for sal« a
chair worth AO ceuta and the high sat
bid but 810.— Detroit Journal.
«■•w l»A s. Is Pawaa
'* Era, Archer, yer saddle's bua
wrong way. ’*
" W e ll, an 'owdger know wkleb
l*u golg. skr*—Punoh.
w.
«he