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YOUR H O H E PAPER
S U P P O R T IT
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*
O P P O R T U N IT Y 4
L..
ÍVOL. IX.
GENERAL DIRECTORY
STATE OFFICERS-
TRAVELERS’ GUIDE
TRAVELERS’ GUIDE.
o
X r d in ® r
S T A Q K
S T E A M ER
o ~
L JN S .
“ C O O S ,”
Will ncakeZ-------o
overnor........................ William P. I-xir<l.
R E G U L A R D A IL Y
etary of S'ato ........ .H. K. Kincaid.
_
B etw een-----
Leaves Florence Mondays, Wednes­
usurer........................................... Philip Metclieu
days and Fridays.
pt. Public Instruction. ..<>. M. Irwin.
Arrives at Florence Tuesdays, Tlmrs-
|e Printer........................ W. H. Leeds.
orney General........... C. M. Idleman. di ys and Saturdays.
( ............... . R. 8. Bean
Connects with Steamer and Scotts­
prenie Court j ...............F. A. Moore burg Stage Line for Drain.
Also with
( . . . .C. E. Wolverton Stage Line for Coos Bay.
Charge
|g e Second D istrict.. .J. C. Fullerton reasonable.
orney Second District . .. W. E. Yates
H. H. Barrett, Prop’r,
T R IP S
Florence and Head of Tide.
ORTHERN
Pacific, Ry.
EUGENE-FLORENCE
COUNTY OFFICERS-
STAGE LIN E.
E- B a n g s ,
*
P ro prieto r.
i
BALLADE OF A C ITY BOWER.
If b o k y dells with brown und silver brooks
Pipes nuuiberlcss perennially shrill,
For publishment betimes iu sightly Ixxiks
bungs bits*thing righteous praise of bough
und rill.
These are fair spots, but here God’s gracioui
Will,
A stone's throw from the city's heart and din
Gives me ms fair—let me deserve it still—
My upper window where the elm looks in.
They love thuk things who celebrate 1h«> rooks
That build in woody places mirk and ehill.
My neighbor, tix>, misled, on sturdy hooks
A painted cage hangs from his window sill
And hears not in its captive's ev'ry trill
Fleas for the liberty he may not win.
Those a ie free, lusty tin oats with tune that
fill
Aly upper windows where the elm looks in.
A glist'ring, turquoise Iwiy it overlooks.
My pleasant bower, und a gentle hill
Gilt with wild mustard blossoms. There are
nooks
Beyond them doubtless which a little skill
Iu ballad making must mispiize. To thrill
Tlie world with perfect lays let them begin
Who can. This t heme befits an humbler quill—
My upper window where the elm looks iu.
When day is over at the rumbling mill
And slipiMxl the gyves of office discipline,
Here is nil exorcist lor e v ’ry ill—
My upper window where the elm looks in.
—Edward «•’. Barnard in Lotus.
............... ...............
Stage leaves Eugene Mondays, j
C a.
Bimiissloners -, ' '
m., arriving at Florence the day
Erk
........................
THEATRICAL RECEIPTS.
following at 10 a. in.
S lee p in g C a rs
L ritf
.................
Returning-stage leaves Flor­ E le g a n t
C h a r le s H e a d . W on tier e d W li, T h e y W e re
S o L a rg e In A m e r ica .
■essor.......................... .. .D. P. Burton ence on Mondays, Wednesdays
D in in g C ars
"Edwiu Booth Iu London” iVlho title
Bool Superintendent. ........C. S. Hunt and Fridays at 3 p. in., arriving
of an article iu The Century by E. H.
in Eugene the following day at T o u ris t
House. Mr. House tells of an interest­
S
leep
in
g
C
a
rs
ing meeting between Booth nnd Charles
G p. m.
. . . W. T. Bailey Wednesdays, and Fridays at
. . . J. T. Gallismi
atice of Peace........... ..F . B. Wilson
Bistable....................... John F. Tanner
ST. PAUL
Single fare . . .
Round trip _ - -
-
_
Tickets for sale at E. Bangs’s
livery barn, Eugene, and a t Hurd
Resident...................W IL Weatlierson & Davenport’s office iu Florence.
O. W. IInr.1
Win. Kvle
L. Christensen
M. Morris
lard of Trustees
Morder........................ .John H. Morris
feasurer ..................... ___J. A. Pond
arsii a l.......................... .G. C. Cunipton
SECRET SOCIETIES.
|F . <fe A. M. Florence Lodge No. 107.
Regular communication on second
1 fourth Saturdays in each month.
o. w. hcbd , w. m .
. K notts , Secretary.
MORRIS *** HOTEL,
...J . 0. FLINT, Proprietor
F lo v e n o e , O re g o n .
Head of Tide Hotel,
W. W. NEELY, Prop’r.
J. L. F ukxish , Adjutant.
Elk Prairie Hotel.
O. O. F. Heceta Lodge No. Ill,m eets
every Wednesday evening in Lod^e
ill, Florence, Oregon. Brothers in
od standing invited to attend.
J. J. A ndekson , N . G.
A ndrew B rund , Sec.
CHURCH DIRECTORY
BYTERIAN CHURCH, Florence,
gon. Sabbath service; Sabbath-
10 o’clock a. ni. Preaching 11
. a. ui. nnd 7 p. in- Sacrament of
ird’s supper on 1st Sabbath ol
•y, April, July and October.
iody is welcome to all the services,
requests Christians to make
lives known.
I. G. K notts , Pastor.
DULUTH
FARGO
TO
G RA N D FO RKS
C RO O KSTO N
W IN N IP E G
H E L E N A and
B U T TE
TH R O U G H TIC K ETS
TO
C H IC A C O
W A S H IN G T O N
OUR AIM—To furnish tho best
accommodations
a t reasonable
prices.
Tables furnished with all the
delicacies of the season. Wild
A. R. General Lyons Post, No. 58, game, fish and fruit in season. Best
meets second and fourth Saturdays
accomodations for the traveling
itch mouth at 1:30 p. m.
J. I. B utterfield , Commander.
public. Charges reasonable.
I. U. W. Perpetua Lodge, No. 131,
leets every 1st and 3-1 Saturdays
month. Members and visiting
ren in good standing are cordially
edto attend. J. J. A ndekson , M. >V .
K yle , Recorder.
M IN N E A P O L IS
$3.00
$0.00
CITY OFFICERS.
P H IL A D E L P H IA
NSW VMM
B O 8TO N A ND A L L
P O IN T 8 E A 8 T »»d S O U T H
For information, time cards, maps and tickets
etc., cah on or wilte
R. M c M u r p h e y ,
General Agent. Koom%2 and 4, Shelton Block,
EUGENE, OREGON.
A. D. C H A R L T O N ,
Assiwtnut General Passenger Agent.
*255 Morrison St. Cor. 8d.
F o r t le u x ic i O r .
The Funk & Wagnalls
Standard
Dictionary
Of The
T w e n tv -th re e
ENGLISH
M ile s W e s t
o f E u g e n e . COMPLETE
LANGUAGE
SU C C IE N T
ON E U G EN E AND.
FL O R E N C E
S TA G E
ROUTE.
M oney Saved
By
P a tro n iz in g it.
Geo. Hale
Prop.
BUSINESS CARDS-
A U T H O R IT A T IV E
301,865 Vocabulary Terms
247 Editors and Specialists
533 Readers for Quotations
5000 Illustrations
Cost over >960,000
Appendix of 47>4*8 Entries
•
The full number of wurda and term« In
difltsrcut dictionaries for the entire «lphal-et I»
aa follow«: groMoXTH, 50,0110: W o r c h e it e a
1(15,000; W e b h t r r (international), 125,000; CEN­
TURY,
(«ix volume«.
complete,)
225,000:
STANDARD, over 200,000;
Reade and reports the following conver­
sation relating to tho appearance of
Booth und Irving together:
"Is it true that tho prices w ill be
changed?”
“ Doubled, I believe. Irving says they
must be. That is one of the risks 1
iqieak of, bat he is full of oouiidence
He does it more for my sako than any­
thing else. ”
"Then I hope it w ill turn out well.
Wlmt ure the indications?''
"Very good, 1 hear. 1 cannot judge
myself. The conditions are all different
from whut I am used to."
"1 understand. We are too slow—
nnd thrifty, 1 suspect—to run the swift
American pace. Yet I can't see why
thcro should be such an amazing differ­
ence iu your theatrical business and
ours. The stories we bear of Notv York
profits sound fabulous. 1 should say they
were fabulous if 1 had uot seen' the re­
turns of Wallack's when one of my
plays was produced there. A hundred
pouuds a uiglit is nothing to you, it
seems. ”
"Two or three hundred would not
stagger us, ’’ said Booth, smiling, "nor
four or five for a very great and special
attraction. For several years the pros
perous houses iu New York considered
$1,000 a fair average the year round.
'Stars’ traveling through the country,
for whom tho regular prices were raised,
could sometimes draw much more.”
"Were you ut all prepared for the
lower receipts here?”
“ Not really prepared. 1 was told
what to oxpect, but paid no atteution.
Clarke said 1 should get nothing at tho
Princess’, bnt I did uot take his ‘noth­
ing’ literally. I thought I might count
upon $1,000 a month at the very worst.
He was right, however."
“ I can't make it out," said Reade.
“ Your theaters are uot larger than ours,
and the prices of tickets are about the
same, yet I see the Adelphi or the St.
Jumes’ packed, without about ouo-balf
the result that Walluck's shows. It
beats my arithmetic. You cau't get
more pcoplo into a place thou it w ill
hold. “
“ We do that, too, Fonietimes,’*
laughed Booth, "but, as I say, you must
come und find out all about it for your­
self, Mr. Reade. Your audiences w ill he
larger than tho hulls can hold, so yon
can study the problem under the best
conditions. ’’
“ No, no. You tompt mo to my de­
struction.” Bnt the compliment gTeatly
pleased the author, who liked to hear
such things said, though he affected a
lofty indifference to praise.
B c o I i I I d r V o d e r D iflleu ltles.
fIRST RATIONAL RANK
At a church gathering some time ago
a number of deaf mutes were present.
Refreshments were served during the
evening, and iu handing a cup of coffee
to one of the guests a deaf mute gentle­
man happened to spill a few dropa on
his wife's skirt The wife is also a deaf
mate, and it was evident that »he took
8URPLU8 AND PROFITS,
• •
»80 000
E. D. BRONSON & CO, tho mishap iu a rather irritable way.
She wrinkled up her forrheud aud at
Pacific Coast Agents
once made u series of remurkably swift
A C C O U N T S S O L .I O I T H 5 D
SAN FRANCISCO, CAL.
movements with her nimble liugi ra
EUGENE,
OREGON
The husband, looking exceedingly apol­
933 Market S t.
ogetic, made u few inotiuui iu return.
r r r f e r t l / O b llv lo m .
One of the guests who bad noticed
NOTARIES.
"Sammy Snaggs, ” asked the teacher, this little byplay alyly slipped out a
“ what part of speech is the word 'mal­ bit of paper aud pew iliug something ou
ediction?' ”
It banded it to a friend.
“ Noun,” replied Sammy.
A. R. BUTTOLPH,
This is what the latter read:
“ What gender?”
“ No matter bow badly afflicted, wo­
“ Masculine gender. ”
man can still scold."
“ Indeed?’’
The friend scribbled tbit iu return:
“ Yes'm. If it was feminine, it would
“ Yes, but in tbe present case the hus­
be femaledictlou."—Pittsburg Chron­ band it luckier than tbe average. He
O r e g o n . icle.
P T orenoe.
docsu't have to look. ” —Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
_________
T h e I llite r a te » .
FRANK B. WILSON.
“ I rapposo you took in the Bowery
M arried W o m en T ea c h e r s.
wbeu you were iu New York aud lis­
Of all the causes uow tending to keep
tened to the delightful Chimmle Faddcn women out of matrimony one that is
dialect?”
very effective is tbe discrimination
FLORENCE. - - • - OREGON
"I did, but I didn't hear nny of tho against married women teachers in tho
dialect I don't believe the Illiterate public schools. Maiden, Mass., is the
creature» have read the book at alL” — latest to declare that the niamago of a
BO YEARS9
Cincinnati Enquirer.
EXPERIENCE
publio school teacher «hall he regarded
as a resignation of her oilioe. Mark the
P a r se v rra n e« AI w ay« W laa.
pronoun “ her. ” No such disrriiniuation
Smith—After trying tar ten long 1» mode ugniust uiau.— Womuu's Trth-
yenra I have at last succeeded in con­
vincing my wife that 1 am perfect.
Brown—Arc you sure of it?
Tbe region between the lin t and sec­
Smith—Of course I am. It was only ond cataracts of tlie Nile is tho bottesi
Destane
this m owing that she »aid I waa a per­ on the globe, it never rains there, au<
C o f y r m h t s Ac.
fect idiot.—Chicago News
Anvone «endln« »
the natives do uot believe foreigners
S S S s S S S E t s r a s
who tell them that water can descead
Sympathy.
from tbe sky.
“ I’m really sorryfor Ploddin, ” re­
marked young Mr. Huppigo.
The Roman bouses aud palace» were
“ Why?" inquired the friend.
“ I asked him to lend me $10, and he so imperfectly lighted that iu many liv­
only bad 76 centa. I con t help feeling ing room» the inmates were foruuil to
sorry for a man who only ba« 76 cent» ” depend on lamps by day as well as by
Bight.
— Washington Star.
[ODIST EPISCOPAL CHURCH
.Sample Pages Free.
vice. Preaching at Glenada
ine two Sundays of each month
OF EUGENE.
►School
every
Sunday at
. Prayer meeting every llinrs- T . O. HEMDWOKS. »«<».
» • »■ ZAK IN , J » .. C * W .
ACENTS W A N T E D .
ning at the church. Everybody
v invited.
G. F. R ounds ,
3
Pastor.
PAID UP OA8H OAPITAL,
• •
» 8 0 ,0 0 0
ATTORNEYS
A. C. WOODCOCK,
Attorney at Law,
lu g e n e ,
-
O regon
» » « n n 7 »Iid » M cUreo'» Bulldl"?
>eeial m teniion given to collection» »u«l pro-
de ba si n ess.
E. O PO TTER.
................. Attorney-at-Law
EUGENE, OREGON.
e r r ic i
t the Court House.
E . E. B E N E D IC T ,
A T T O R N B Y - A T - L .-A .W .
Florence.
:
: Oregon.
PATENTS
i»n1Tr»1o H»ri«oM»l»M»s4»lir»tJ
»'P * % 7 ^ u .4 in !
iw ti." with eo«t • ( wua« 1« <fce c *
reign countries seat free. Ad drees,
. A. SNOW & CO.
■ «FF. Favcsrr
NO. 9.
FLORENCE, OREGON, FRIDAY, July 1, IB»».
W aswiwsvew.
Notary Fdblic, Surveyor
NOTARY
PUBLIC.
P atents
IdtM lfic Ameria».
M«kShr,*s?sas3?i«*
THE APES MUTINIED.
ON A VOYAGE
FROM AFRICA T H E Y
CAPTURED T H E SHIP.
D ro v e A U t h e C r ew K z c c p tln a t h e C ap.
t a la I n to t h e I U a a ln g - T h e K s e e p t io a
W aa F a ta l tu T h e ir P lan », i f T h e y H ad
A u y —A U se fu l H u u cl, o f U an au ae.
“ I liavo bad some strung» crews iu
lay experience,” said old Captain Bcu-
S ju , "but the funniest kind of a ship’s
company that I evor sailed with was
one of big African upes, and it happen­
ed iu this w a y :
“ It was during that period of tbo
lifetime of the great showman P. T.
Barnum, when ho had his museum on
lower Broadway in Now York city,
that my vessel was chartered by him to
go out to Africa aud to bring back a
curgo of wild animals that his ugeuts
iu that country had collected. Wa had
three big and two baby elephants in the
hold, also a rhiuooeros und u giraffe,
while iu wooden houses on deck wo cur­
ried several zebras, a numbor of ante­
lope und deer, also ten huge apes as
large as men and looking iu the face
exactly like the cartoons of the Emer­
ald Isle uativos found in tho humorous
papers. Tho upes were very iutelligtut
and wore capable of being taught many
amusing tricks.
“ On our voyage home I had occasion
a number of times to advise the officers
aud men against teasing these creatures,
telling them thut they were known to
possess a good memory aud were re­
vengeful aud would surely make it a
point to got even with their tormentors
ut the first opportunity, but as the
heavy wooden bars divided them from
the hairy faces that scowled at their
funmuking they felt safe enough to
give no heed to my warnings. The
mutes and sailors took good cure, how­
ever, to pass at u safe distance from tbe
eage iu going ubont their work, for on
two or tln-eo occasions the alert occn-
pauta bud been known to suddenly
thrust forth a long muscular urm aud
grip the unwary seaman in such a sav­
age way as to clioit a howl of pain on
Juck's ¡iart. I could go umoug them
Without tbe slightest f<ar and several
times entered their cage for the purpose
of caring for a sickly little baby ape
that hud boon born just after leaving
Africa, and for which the ocoau voyuge
subsequently proved too heroic, as it
died before we reaehed New York.
“ One morning tho crew were all
uloft on the yards furling sail, for it
was blowing strong aud the ship bad
been obliged to reduce hi r spread of
canvas. I had taken the wheel, and the
two mates were going lroui mast tu
mast holping tlm work along by liuul-
ing upon the gear us it was required.
The apes had been fed a short time be­
fore, und it must liavo been that 1 had
careliF ily fastened tho bar thut secured
the cage door, for while I was looking
aloft 1 heard u startled y111 Irdfii my
two officers, aud the next muincut they
wore climbing up the rigging like mon­
keys themselves, while the eruwd of
apes came leapiug aft iu pursuit of
them.
“ Then the funniest scono that I ever
witnessed was presented. Six of the
apes took stations at tho foot of the
shrouds, so that each mast was guarded
on both sides, aud the other four mount­
ed tbe shrunds with all the agility of
sailors and sought to reach the men.
The upes followed tbe men as they
mounted higher and higher to escape;
then, wbeu the latter could climb no
fartbor, they would grasp a stay that
led to some place of temporary safety
aud slide down it, sometimes going
from oue spar to another in this way.
For nearly uu hour this impromptu ex-
hibitiou continued, und during ull this
time the sentries on duck hopped about
in excitement, ntteriug guttural yelps,
which I have no doubt wire cries of en­
couragement and advice to their friends
aloft.
“ At lost the big monkeys gave up tbe
chase aud came down on deck, where
they joined the others, uud ull sut on
their haunches, gazing up at the crew-,
occasionally showing their rows of
wicked looking tuetu, as much us to
say: 'All right, my fine fellows. You
stuy where yon ure if yon know what's
good for your health.'
“ I bad been thinking out a plau to
recover possesHiou of my ship, aud uow
put it iu execution. Apes are very loud
of bnuauas, aud iu my room I had a
fino bunch that had been green when
placed on board, but which hud ripened
perfectly since that time, it gave me
something of a heart spasm to part with
them, but I oonsidi red that if the
scheme worked the sacrifice would not
he a great one. Su I lusliod the wheel to
keep the ship steady, then brought the
frnit from below, carried it forward iu
full view of the apes und placed it with­
in their oage, standing beside the door
and carelessly eating a banana that I
hod broken from tbe boitch.
“ Tbe apes crowded inside aud fell to
work on those buuanos ns though It wus
an eating match, with a prize for the
oue that consumed the greatest number
iu a given time. I «Jammed the door to
Slid fastened it upon uiy mutineers, aud
yon may be assured thut for the re-
maindcr of that voyage the security of
that gate was carefully locked ufter."—
Harper’s Rouud Table.
A n » lle c tlo u .
“ The deaf soil dnmb wonder is aw­
fully ill tempon-d today," twittered the
alhiuu, by way of opuuiug the coaver-
aatioa.
"W hat for?” inquired tho dog faced
mau.
“ Home visitor,’' continued tbe albi­
no, “ wrote cu hi» ilatc thut his photo­
graph whi a »peaklug likumaa. Mod?
Bay I”— New kerk l ’o»L
The tower of Babel at Babylon waa
composed cf eight square tower», one
' upon tbe other, tbu pile beiug COO feet
high. Babylon waa a aquaru, 16 miles
on each side, tbe walls being hi fuel
' thick aud 350 fret high.
FOREST MONSTERS.
S a m s o f tlie O ls n t T ree« T h a t A r e Fuuud
lu C a lifo r n ia .
In tbe national parks aud forest pre
serves of California the big trees are by
fur tbe most interesting and greatest
natural features. There are two vari­
eties— namely, Sequoia serapervireus,
ordinarily known as the redwood,
the tree which has furnished most of
the redwood lumber of commerce, and
the Sequoia gigantea, from wbich a
comparatively small amount of similar
lumber has also been made. The for-
mer is tbe smaller variety and grows
on the foothills along the coast. Tbe
latter attains a considerably larger
growth, in, more strictly speaking, tbe
“ big tree" of California, and is seldom
found at a lower altitude than 6,000
feet
Scattered along the extent of tho Sier-
ra Nevadua from north to south art
many distinct aud separate groups or
groves of Sequoia gigantea. These are
generally known by names significant
of looality, as, for instance, “ Calaver­
as," “ Tuolumne,’’ “ Mariposa” and
“ Fresno,” names of the counties in
which tbe groves so called are situated.
Tho Tuolumne grove is in the Yosemite
park, aud the Mariposa near by. This
latter is the one most frequently visited
by tonrists and contains the "Wawona"
— a tree with a hole burned iu its base,
through which the stage road runs and
four horse stages are driven without
difficulty—aud the “ Grizzly Giant,”
oue of the largest trees in the world.
The stately grandeur of these enor­
mous aud lofty trees is so impressive
that it seems quite fit and natural that
some of tbe larger ones should have been
individualized and honored with distin­
guished titles. Nearly every state in
the Union and every distinguished gen­
eral of tbe civil war has a namesake
among them. Tbe “ General Grant,” in
the General Grant park, and the "Gen­
eral Sheridan” of the “ Giant forest"
(situated in tbe Sequoia park) are indi­
viduals of tbe largest size. It is difficult
to determine just wbich of the big trees
is the largest, but these two and the
“ Grizzly Giant”—the gnarly base of
any oue of which w ill exceed 80 feet in
diumeter—are probably tbe biggest trees
yet discovered.
The trees often grow in such inacces­
sible mountain retreats that some of the
territory covered by them has never yet
been thoroughly and systematically ex­
plored. Outside tho lauds reserved by
the government a California lumber
company owns several tbousund acres
of these trees—enough to last 40 years,
outting many millious of feet per year.
— Harper's Woekly.
“ LOVIN ’LIZA ELLEN.” * j
Well. I t e r bod th ’ mump« nn itch
Aii fever'n ager'n grip an »doh.
Ao GOBI or twice a felon.
But nutbin quitu kurfluinuauxed m e
Bo’t* ui j anat’m j wouldn't goo,
Like lovin *(Jza Kllen.
Tu* nymptor.i.M kept a-foolin ’bout
A right unrni t while an then broke OO>
Izuweinw ouo night at apellln.
For mouths—well, 1 jent io»t uiyieli,
Put overytbing up on th* aholf.
'Copt lovu an 'Liza Kllen.
|
j
•
j
My hrad Joat whizsedt I couldn’t ateap
At nlghta. My idaeu Hproad like aheop
You've
without u bell uu.
Panraranutra warn't a circunwtunue
To how her fa c e d alido an dance.
Th air wuz full of Kllen.
I couldn't cat, an jeat th* eight
O' vittlee floored rny appetite.
No uau o' ray te bell lit,
Pur I wus aoakud plumb through
through.
Wished everything in Kal'mczoo,
’Cept me aa 'Liza El lea.
a
1
j
aa
On mem'ry farm things wouldn’t oat.
I d go t ’ towu an olcan forget
T’ ask how eggs wuz aellin,
Remember'u Jest t* not be late
A*huetlin home t ’ keep th* date
I'd made with 'Lisa Ellen.
All nature poured t* wear store otothea,
A n’t eeemed t* tne like every roue
About th* place wuz amellln.
I never did care ahuoks for birds.
But when they *d King they'd jeet soy words
T* me o* ’Lisa Ellen.
I'se mixed, but things got mtxodor still—
Oress w us a carpet; diujh, a rill.
{
An every squash a lnelop.
I talked eo dud 'lowed I ’se a fool
An ought t' be oaged soraewhare in school
Per curry in on ’bout Ellen.
I molted round an fed on atr.
But got so thin on thet blaiue fare
A ohunge wuz j«ut ooinpcllia.
It came—quite suddent—in th* Calh
When I—she—w ell, no matter, all
Flipfloppcd 'tw lxt me an Cllon.
I didn't d ie’a 1 ’lowed 1 would.
But in a week wuz feelin good.
•Th’ rest ’(ain't worth while tellln.
Last \v«*k she planted ’’number threat’*
I s'pose they all tuk worsu than me
A lovin 'Lisa Ellen.
-Paul L. McKendviuk in Atlanta Conztitutloa.
A F b ro M T h a t F a M la a ta d .
After a long period of silence, Mean­
dering Mike raised himself on one el­
bow, pushed the hay from in front of
his face and iu a matter of fact tone
said:
"Hooray!”
“ What's do matter w it yer?" inquir­
ed Plodding Peto.
“ I ’ve been iutendiu tor do dis fur a
long time. An I come ter do conclusion
ilut dere was no use o* puttin it off m
lunger. It's a debt o’ gratitude ter a
great man, an I ’m goin ter pay up.
Hooray I”
“ But who are you hoorayiu furF*
"Speaker Reed. '*
“ But be never done nothin fur yon.”
“ Not personally. But he expressed
A THRILLING EXPERIENCE. my feelin's. I understand he's de maa
dat cornu out flatfuotod fur a do uothia
D o I n n ! policy.''— Washington Star.
flh o w ln x W h a t a S h o tg u n Cl
L oad o f U a y .
"What was tho most exciting experi­
CharMterUtle.
ence I ever had?" repeuted Clarence
“ Your clain chowder," remarked tbe
Haight at the Olympic Gun club. “ 1 diner to tbu restaurant cashier, as he
think it occurred lust summer, when 1 paid tho amount of his check and stow­
was hunting doves up in Sonoma coun­ ed away a pint of toothpicks in his vest
ty. Now, shooting doves is uot par­ pocket, “ is distinguishable above ail
ticularly exciting or perilous, bnt the other clam chowders I ever ate.“
this was oue of the hottest experiences I
“ In whut way?" asked tbe cashier,
ever hod.
who did uot know whether to be pleased
“ I hud been traveling nil day with a or uot.
/
big bag, and was pretty w ell tired out
“ By its c la m lcssn ca a .P ittsb u r g
wbeu I struck the country road and Chronicle Telegraph
started for home. It was a good four
milea* walk, aud I was pretty well
C p to A l l th o T rla k s .
pleased to see a big wagon load of hay
“ Tbu man who runa the club
approaching. The rancher gave me per­ next to tbe skating pond used to 1
mission to ride, so I scrambled up on prietor of a rammer resort h otel *
top, lay down on the sweet, new mown
"How do you know?”
hay and went awaying aud swinging
“ By his methods. I waa skating then
down tho road. I wus just dozing off yesterday, aud I fell through the ioa.*ri
when bang! went my sbotgnu. I bad
“ What has that to do w ith it?**
I
forgotten to take tbe cartridges out of it,
“ He tried to charge me for a bath.*
and something bad pressed the trigger. —Chicago Post
The horses gave a jump, and the driver
rolled off into the ditch.
W li« l Sh» W i
“ Then 1 discovered that my gun bad
set fire to tho liny, aud I thought it was
about time lor mu to escape. Tho horses
were tearing along tbo road as hard as
they could run, bat I clambered fur the
■ids of the luad and slid for tbe road.
Tbe tail of my stout huutiug cout
caught on the top of a sharp standard,
and there 1 hung to the careening wag­
on that threatened to upset aud dump a
load of burning buy on mo at every
torn of the road.
“ Tbe fire was crackling anil burning
fiercely, and ulready 1 coo 11 feel the
flames. HI ill the horses ran, and still
my coat held me fast to that teeth,ng
muss of flumes My trousers commenced
getting hot. and then 1 found my coat
was ou Are. Tbe next moment the loose
cartridges iu my pockets commenced ex­
ploding from the heat, and then 1
smelled my doves broiling.
Old Lady (to photographer)— I don’»
“ 1 bad just made up my mind that
all was over, wbeu tbe tail of wy cout mind about a good likeness, you know,
burned off and 1 wus thrown into a bat I must have a pretty picture.—
ditch fall of water beside the road. 1 Punch.
did uot stop to see wbst became of the
C a u a o f D eath U nh aow a.
hay uud the horses, nor of tbe rancher,
Abe Link urn Jobnaing—Did yo' besh
bnt cot straight noross that fluid for
home. That, gentlemen, was the most ' «bout Gawge Wash'ton Jackson bow ba
thrilling experience of my life. “—New done die sftah he oat two big possums
an a whole pock o ’ sweet potatoes?
York Press.
Henry Cluy Jones—Nub, I didn'S
S w in d le d .
beab »bout daL Wbst waa da mattab
First Street Loafer—It's a shame, wld him?—Town Topica
Bill, to think that any one would »win-
Caatloas.
die a poor hard working mau in that
“ Do you think that marriage i s »
way.
Second Street Loafer— Why, what's failure?" asked tbe fat passenger.
“ I refuse to answer that question,'*
your trouble?
First Street Loafer— Hero I worked replied tbe aliui one, “ on tbe ground
hard for half a day painting up a spar­ that I might incriminate m yself.“—
row iuto a redheaded Bclgiau canary, New York Journal.
aud I am blowcd if tbu fellow 1 »old it
■teal H»r»l»Mx,
to didn’t give me a bud half crown fur
iL —London Spare Momenta
“ Mra Jinks is tbs most oouragaooa
woman I know. ”
“ Why?”
Tbe town in England best provided
“ She goes over and uses Dr. Blank's
With places of worship is the ancieut
oue of Roebdulc, where there are 146 telephone to cell up another doctor."—
churches aud chapels. Fifty belong to Chicago Record.
the aburcb of England and 96 to tbe
Dla Apu»oe»®ee Af**"** atak
nonconformists. Tbe church of Eng­
Admiring Friend—And bow did yo»
land accommodates 94,449 and the uon-
arrive at tbe conclusion the* ba waa
eonforniiata 01,860 puraoua in sitting»
merely tbo tool of ublsr men?
Coufldenl Detective — What, Mn8 •
Never does » man portray hie owu
ebaracter more vividly than lu bie mau* batch«t faced freak? It w aasciaok *
Detroit New»
act of portraying another.— Rich tor.