Humor and
Philosophy J
By
F. A.
MITCHEL.
(Copyright, lltolt. by American Press
ciation. j
Asso
Bx 5VACAÄ M. fNITH
Real Estate Snaps
COB CHARCOAL
FOK HOGS
I
I
Aa authority ou hogs writes as ful-
A gentleman with an artistic cut of
Jsws: Charcoal should be kept before
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
beard crossed the famous Signoria
' tlae hogs at all times. Most farmers
square in Florence, Italy, and turned
know this, but few practice it largely
into the entrance of the L’tfizi gallery. j^OMETlMES I be loan of $10 la
because of the extra effort required to
cheap
way
of
getting
rid
of
a
trou-
Pawning through the rooms, he stopped
secure the charcoal. Charcoal made
to look at the half finished copy of a blesome acquaintance.
from corncobs is probably liked best
Titian. The copyist, a shabbily dressed
by the hogs and is uot ditiicuit to
Some
people
really
think
that
It
is
man. looked up and. divining that the
visitor was a capable critic, usked iu better to have girne dead broke than make. To make this coal uo kiln, pit
or covering with earth is necessary.
gmxl American English for his opin never to have gone at all.
And yet the work must be so done
REGISTERED
ion of his work.
that tlie result will be coal, uot ashes.
Men
that
go
on
a
vacation
fishing
“You being a fellow countryman of
mine.” replied the other, "I will give trip sometimes trip a good deal I d A still day iu a dry time must be se
lected. Start three or four tires as
you a truthful opinion. You are mak their ti.diing.
I
uear
tlie supply of cobs as may be.
Of Marshfield, Oregon
ing a botch of it."
There are girls who know how to When they are well started gather the
’ The copyist sigtied.
Will visit Bandon the 22d and 23d
“Let me take your seat, and 1 w’lil cook lieautlfully according to cooking Sobs from the pens, lots and cribs
of each month.
Office at Callier
aud
keep
piling
them
on
the
center
of
school
rules
and
still
others
who
un
help you out.”
Hotel. Expert services and honest
In half an hour under tlie visitor’s derstand Just how to cook according to the burning mass by basketfuls. Cure < prices guaranteed
should be taken not to put them ou 1
touch the copy was an exact replica of a man's appetite.
so fust us to smother the dames too
the original painting.
If there is no possible excuse for much.
"There!” said tiie man who had fin
i
When the piles have been complet
ished ft. "Come and dine with me this buying a new hat a woman can very
I
evening nt my hotel. Nothing remains quickly invent one if the material for ed by using all the cobs, shovel up the 4
edges on the heap that all will be
to complete Hie work but to take the it is in her husband's |*ocketbook.
burned. Allow it to burn until all
freshness out of it.”
blazing
stops und the whole mass is iu
The
woman
who
never
knew
why
The stranger accepted, ate the first
good dinner lie bad had in a month, anti never could understand probably bright red coals. Then put out all
drank a quart of wine, lighted a never tried to understand, but most fire by sprinkling at first aud after
men would be willing to go bail that ward dashing on water until uo steum
Anything yon want io
Havana cigar and asked:
escapes and uo hissing sound is heard
she
didn't neglect to ask why.
Cabinet Work. l’alt i tin,
“To what do I owe tills interest
It will require more water than the
Models.
from a stranger?”
Emergencies have a way of disap inexperienced would be williug to be
"Sympathy. I was once a strug
pointing those who are ready for them lieve.
gling artist myself."
It is best to burn about ten or twelve
"And how. may I ask. did you come and making (lying visits to those who
bushels
in each pile, as a heap of this
never
thought
of
them.
to prosper?”
China Closets.Sideboards.
size can be managed much better than
"By painting pictures.”
Pict ore Fra tn e s and
when
very
large.
If
the
coal
is
to
be
A
very
clever
and
certain
way
of
The guest removed his cigar from
Mouldings made to order
stored
for
future
use
it
must
first
be
keeping
out
of
debt
is
to
be
sure
that
his lips and looked at his host In as-
First,
class work Call
allowed
to
dry
out
thoroughly.
The
yon have no credit.
tonlsliment.
and see me in Blacker! >y
shrinkage
from
burning
will
be
rather
"Your name?”
building, opposite Re
Don't take so much credit to your more than one-half.
“Tom Barrons.”
corder office. Shortest
It
is
a
mistake
to
pile
all
the
cobs
self.
You
probably
have
had
many
“1 confess I never heard of you.'
possible time. Satisfac
up first and then set tire to them. The
“I have a great many aliases, all of a Ix ost that you never even said thank
tion guaranteed
fire will run all over the outside of the
you
for.
which you have heard often. Listen
heap, but will penetrate into the cen
and I will tell you the story of my
Tile’ man who marries for money ter very slowly, aud before this is re
success. Having a fancy for art, I
duced to coal the outside will melt
became a painter. Having struggled probably thinks there are easier ways
BANDON, OREÜON
for recognition for ten years without of earning it that he would now be into ashes. By the method here de
scribed the fire is always in the cen
getting it. I began to ask myself why. willing to try.
ter, which is sure to be well burned.
If you wish a bottle cold---
The answer was that I.could originate
It will not be reduced to ashes, as it
The Aftermath.
nothing. Then I started in to make a
Call at the Eagle,
Is shut off from the air somewhat by
Drifting back home from vacation.
living copying noted pictures in for
If you love the goods that's old—
Busted and weary and sore.
the fresh fuel that is thrown on all
eign galleries.
I discovered that I
As for the rest they were after—
Call at the Eagle.
the time.
could not only copy: I could imitate.
Needing It worse than before.
It
is
wasteful
and
unsightly
to
allow
Back from a time that was bully.
'Taint no use to sit and blink
“Not long after this an art dealer
the cobs from all the coru fed in pens
Back from the lake or the W’oods,
in Furls announced tliat an original
If
you really need a drink,
Feeling for labor no friendship.
and lots to lie there aud rot. They
Giotto had been discovered in a se
Hardly on hand with the goods.
Just make a sign or ring a bell.
might
be
gathered
up
and
taken
to
the
cret chamber of a building that was
And you bet they’ll treat you right
manure lot, but not one farmer in a
Oh. it looks pleasant in prospect!
being torn down. He had purchased
Nothing but resting and ease.
Down at the Eagle
hundred
will
take
that
trouble.
Be
it and offered ft for sale. I shall not
Looking m (lower studded meadows.
sides,
their
value
as
a
fertilizer
Is
Wading In ioy to the knees,
mention the exact price he got for It,
small compared with their worth as
Sitting around In a hammock.
but it was a fortune for any man.
Waving a hand painted fan
One day an Italian from Florence ar
Or In the sand on the beaches
rived in New York with a Titian—a
Picking up freckles and tan.
•
BANDON, OREIJON
head of a girl, stiff as a fourteenth
Nothing but rest on the program—
century girl, but lovely under a head
That was the word in advance.
Anything looking like labor
of sunny hair. He sold it to a mer
Stood not a ghost ot a chance,
chant prince for—a fortune. Still lat
No heavy lifting or moving
er one of the London picture shops
BANDON
-
OREGON
I
Boxes as large as a shed.
■troubled on a Guido Reni. There
And about standing tn water
Druggint
and
Apothecary
■
Never a sentence was «aid.
was no one in England rich enough to
Is
,n«t
m
receipt
of
a
new
stock
of
buy it, and a subscription was started
Still. what’s the use of complaining?
to keep it iu the kingdom. The crit
Lt it was work it was fun.
Drugs and Chemicals. Pater.
And. on the whole, we are sorry
ics vouched • for its genuineness, and
That It Is over and- done.
Proprietary Preparations, Toilet
thousands of pounds bought it. An
But it would he so much better.
tides. Druggist Sundries, Perfumes
art Journal published a long article by
Filling the bill pretty sleek.
A LARGE YORKSHIRE.
I Brushes, Sponges, Soap. Nuts and
a struggling critic enumerating twen
If when vacation was over
AVe could rest up for a week.
ty-four points in the picture that were
an aid to digestion when reduced to Candies, Cigars, Tobaccos and Cig
Glass
found iu all Guido Reul's pictures.
coal. The work and trouble are little, arettes, Paints, Oils,
Painter's Supplies.
Explained.
This critic is now the Ruskin of
and the pay is big.
“Why do men marry?" queried the
The man who has never fed this cob
Europe.
charcoal will be surprised at the
"This wine is uot to my taste. Let curious one.
If your Piano is worth
“Self sacrifice!" snapped the crusty I amount the hogs will eat. For each
us try champagne. That's better.
anything
it is worth
bachelor.
ten or twelve hogs it will require a
"At intervals original Correggios,
"Don't see how you make that out." common sized pailful each day. The
Rembrandts and pictures of other fa
cobs front the corn fed then will Just
mous artists were found in out of the protested the c. o.
“Don’t? Doesn’t it show to the rest about furnish the coal they will eat.
way places, most of them incrusted
no more, uo less.
with tiie dirt of centuries and the of us what not to do?"
In addition to this cob charcoal, they
names of the painters partly illegible.
Any other kind will ruin
A Mystery,
should have all the salt and ashes they
They were always approved by critics,
you can tell me.”
want, but the three should never be
though on some these gentlemen dif
All my work guaranteed
iff
mixed. No one can mix them in the
fered. Nevertheless they were snapped
Drop a postal card and I'll call
go to the woods once right proportions. They should have
up at enormous prices.”
a
have been wondering ashes lying by them, but of these they
The Speaker paused.
what tlie mosquitoes live on in the eat but little. They should be salted
"And you ate”—
twice a week. They should be fed
Bandon, Oregon
“Giotto, Guido Reni, Rembrandt and meantime."
each day what coal they will eat.
a lot of others who lived before men
Reckless Extravagance.
If the hogs are well and thriving I
had learned how to paint."
“
Jones
is having a bard struggle."
don't be silly enough to feed them
“And you perpetrate these?”
BANDON
"I thought be was a tjnillionaire.’*
drugs, How can it make them bet-
"Only as accessory liefore the fact.
“He used to be."
ter? It tnay and often does do great
I painted the pictures, the dealers did
"Took a tiier in wheat?"
harm.
the rest.”
"No. took a ride in a taxicab."
There w as a long silence '»et . een the
Full line of Harness, Sad
Study Each Cow.
two, after which the seedj :n t> said:
The only way to reap the maximum
“I have a garret tic rot the Arno
dles, Bridles, Halters,
of net earnings from the dairy is to
with a number of tny uns< <1 p hires
Blankets and everything
study each cow kept as a milker, fa-,
in It. Will you go with me and look
usually kept in a first
milinrlze yourself with its likes anti
at them?"
dislikes and endeavor to please all, no
class harness shop.
Bright Prospect.
“With pleasure.”
Arriving at the room, the occupant
"When are you matter how notional or how varied
Repairing a Specialty
their tastes. Some dairymen claim
displayed one painting after another
going
to
pay
me
that it does not pay to raise cows—it
on an easel. When tlie Inst had been
is cheaper to buy. This is true with
that $50?"
seen the rich man said:
some men who have no patience with
"You have what I lack, originality,
’.'Haven't you
the calf and do not know bow to feed
while 1 have what yoti have not, the
heard the news?" and care for it, but to the pains SOOTS - AND
SHOES
power of imitation. Besides, you are
taker the only thoroughly satisfactory
a genius. Possibly had you been born
“What is itr
You can't expect to get $2 worth
way of getting a good herd is to raise
In some village near Munich or Dres
for $1, but you can get your
"1 have Joined
the calves or. rather, the cows, from
den you might have been one of the
money’s worth at
the
Dou't
Worry
calfhood.
Then
they
will
feel
at
home.
great modern painters. As it is you
l>e acclimated and will lie all ready to
must continue to be a bad copyist.
club."
work for you when the time comes.
Fine pictures to be paid for in Amer
If you are not In the habit of keeping
ica must bear a foreign stamp. To
Dealer in Boots and Shoes.
salt, hay aud water liefore your calves
produce a fortune they must bear the
all the time, just try it for a month Repairing neatly and promp
name, genuine or forged, of an artist
and you will notice an improvement in
who lias been dead throe or fonr cen
tly done at lowest iiv
their appearance that will surprise
turies."
Very Sad. ’
ing prices
“Give me an opportunity to soothe
“The Bermuda onion crop is n full- you.
my conscience by accepting a gift from ore.”
Pon For the Bull.
"Pathetic, Isn't it?"
me."
60 YEARS’
Many build a pen for the bull. This
"What gift?"
“Does the onion tale bring tears to
EXPERIENCE
Is an excellent means for the animal to
"It may not bo too lute for you to your eyes?”
get sunshine and air. but he will not
achieve that success which your abil
exercise in a pen. The pen should ba
Affected Him.
ities are capable of producing. I will
used in connection with the tread
furnisli funds to introduce your w ares."
"You giddy thing!"
The seedy man drifted away into
“Horrid: Why do you say that of power.
thought Finally, returning to his snr mer
* JRADZ “ ARKS
Exercise For Sows,
roundings, ho «aid:
< “Because you make my head swim."
.
D esxns
Force the sows to take a moderate
"1 do not condemn you for follow
C opyrights 4 c .
amount
of
exercise
before
farrowing.
Anyone nendlnf a r ketch and descript,» n may
ing the path you saw before you lend i
Puzzle.
nnh’kly ascertain onr opinion free wn* ’• t rii
A twice a day slow walk of fifteen
ing to 8UC< ess. It Is The path of a man
«urention Is probably patentable. Ct
tu,:ru-
"Are you going fishing. John?"
t <niis strictly e »nudentlal HAM0300K on l stc.it»
minutes or more will keep them la
•f business rather than an artist. As
"Yes. 1 am going fishing."
. ••nt free. Oldest apeney for spcnrirtyr patents.
good condition.
Patent» taken through Munn & Cu. receive
for me. my path, though It leads to
“What for?'
t tai nofict. without cwarga, hi th ’
failure, Is the one for me. The good
Food In the Trough.
God has given me a gift that neither
Two of a Kind.
That water wflt not run uptilU
^nndfomrly lllnktrs^Ad we^Klr. r»
Footl left fit the trough by tftfi hogs
the critics nor the public
Ic can
ran take
any - s< - - .....
■ r
- J
t _ ..
. tion
. _____ of ___
’! •
Q
I • f the hsst kind of evidence that yon
Is a truth that with meaning la
nwar—the rift to enjoy the benntffnl
< .- l 1 four
lùiir iti
Hi viiius
'HtbSwtI.
“ ‘ wuHLyal*
But neither will a' fat man
arc
feedi/w
too
generously.
Feed
on!f
and some power to portray It."
t’nleaa ha'a pursued to1 a btfij.
»bat will be eateD up clean.
■* cb ÓfflcttTtí»
Offl«. 6! > FU Foblugi, ... U '
F
J. HAYES
OPTOMETERIST
Are not always floating
around, but, I have a
few that will surprise
you. both in city and
farm property
INSURANCE
Insure your home or business
property before the fire comes
Y ou can have your choice of a
big line of companies.
1
OA K ES
I he Real Estate Man
Made in Bandon
Job Work a Specialty
Kates ÿi.oo to $2.uc per day.
week or mouth.
Special rates by
Sample Room in Connection.
Bandon
W. W. BINGHAM
mid
Oregoai < oant Sien iikm I ii p 4 o.
Steamer Aîlîance
Xtiw plying between Port land mid Coox Hay osi I j
WEEKLY TRIPS
GRAY & HOLT CO., Gen. Agents
T. 13. JAMES, Agent
728-730 Merchants Exchange San Francisco
Marshfield. Phone 414
J. E. WALSTROM, Agent, Bandon
Alvin Munck, Prop
Clarence Y. Larve
Expert Tuning
E. B. Kausrud
Harness Shop
W. J. SAIN, Prop.
M
B R E U E R
Scientific JIniert:?;
THAT’S DONE RIGHT