A SON OF
WEALTH
By KEITH GOR'DON
Cefyright. 1901, tj T. C. MtClur,
1
At first it was merely the rumor of a
rumor, theu it became an authenticat
ed report, ami last the town, or at least
that part of it which considered itself
Indubitably "upper crust," thrilled with
Uie knowledge that Hemingway Trent
was to spend a month with his aunt,
Mrs. Ordway.
.Set down in black and white, this
fact appears insignificant, but just
think a moment and repeat the name
over and over to yourself "Trent,
Trent" and you will doubtless begin
to thrill, for the name of Trent is
known wherever pickles are eaten or
money spent.
It is only fair to the present Treuts
to explain that it is a far cry from the
original pickle, or, rather, from the little
patch of ground on the edge of a young
city where that first pickle, that Alad
din's lamp of a pickle, grew to the
present representatives of the family.
Hemingway, the future head of the
Trent family, aged twenty-six. was
coming to Carriston for a visit. A
blaze of interest sprang up in anxious
mother hearts at first rumor of this
fact, and, though they guarded eye
and lip, some sparks llew and little ad
ditional fires sprang up in the hearts of
marriageable daughters. Finally the
air became surcharged. Adamantine
iamer nearts gave signs or emotion, a
restlessness, a critical, lingering sur
vey of daughterly charms. Several
rush orders for gowns of more than
ordinary beauty were sent scurrying
across the continent. And it was sig
nilicaut that this finery to come was
never mentioned, not even between the
best of friends.
Amid all the intense, subdued flur
ry of preparation there was one family
that remained serene. Mr. and Mrs.
Barry of Barrydene went their elegant,
languid way. undistracted and unmov
ed, though they. too. had a marriagea
ble daughter. The way of the Barrys
had long since ceased to be atlluent. If
the Hemingways, for whom Trent was
named, had left a ramshackle shanty
far behind them the Harrys, on the oth
er hand, had come from a rare old co
lonial mansion that overlooked the riv
er Severn. The only difference be
tween them was that they had started
at different ends of the chain.
Still. Brenda Barry, only child ami
chief depository of the practical sense
of the house of that name, was usually
filled witli a tingling resentment when
she heard of the enormous fortunes of
the "new" people. Being a woman, she
could not fail to feel the subtle tense
ness in the social atmosphere, and for
the same reason she instinctively dlvin
ed its cause. And to say that she was
scornful but faintly expresses it.
There was nothing about the good
looking, athletic young fellow whom
she met a week later to justify that
scorn. He was the usual thing a very
much washed. Immaculately dressed
young man of the day, with a desire to
please which was so apparent that
Breuda had to goad herself into rcmcm
bering how frightfully new and dis
gustingly rich he was.
This attitude on the part of one whose
head might well have been turned by
the flattery and attention he was re
ceiving on all sides mollified her some
what. Then by chance she happened to
encounter a rather vindictive glance
from Helen Carrington's violet eyes
Helen was wearing an exquisitely sim
ple gown that had not seen the light
before and suddenly her own plan of
action was clearly mapped out in her
mind.
' Too much soothing sirup." she re
flected ironically. "What he needs is
a tonic." This mental comment of
hers may have had something to do
with the delightful sense of refresh
meat young Trent felt in her presence.
She asked him none of the usual ques
tions with which the others had pes
tered him until he wondered impa
tiently if they had nothing to think
about but him. Indeed, she didn't seem
to be very clear as tj his identity, so
that he felt compelled to refer rather
diUWeiitly to the fact that he was on
to visit his aunt, Mrs. Ordway. Even
then her face was impassive.
"Bather a stunning girl, that Miss
Barry." he remarked to his aunt the
next day on their drive as she pointed
Barrydene to him, while he noted with
Interest its picturesque decay. The
stucco house was a beautiful soft
gray, and what had once been a gar
den after the Italian manner was now
overgrown and neglected, yet full of
wistful beauty. Near a corner of the
house he caught the gleam of a light
gown and energetically tried by means
of hypnotic suggestion to cause his
uunt to stop, but she sat placidly be
side him. utterly unaware that the cas
tle of her mind was being assaulted.
Trent reasoned that If you pass a
person's house often enough you are
" - W - I
pretty sure to meet that person. On .
the third successive morning that he
passed Barrydene she came through
the gate in the neglected hedge just as (
his horse Jogged slowly by. ,
sue wore a short pink gown, with ;
sleeves turned back and collar turned ,
In. and in her hand she carried what ,
appeared to be a wet napkin. She
greeted him with a negligent nod, put
ting him still further at ease by her
inquiry.
"Have you-I don't suppose
have-but have you seen a small dog
that looked as If he were sneaking
aiy from home
rent was - - -"he
while be assured her that.
had encountered no such animal, he
Uievcd
Td obey in a Jiffy If youM tell me
to come in," Trent ventured uouiij
Miss uarry was an uen
'moment; then a wicked gleam
(laUCeu
Into her eyes. .
"C;u,c-prny do," she Invited sweet-
ly. Andanonentlaterhehadtu.dlns
horse and was walking beside her up
ZZ&E S S
...... i... i.i if Khou u me ioi . - "
was sure mai ne wum . , . VMitii.
arn,n:,nd. M;-ayhIsoffen bost"nJed The
"Oh he'll, come back! Only A bet No. 10 W) cents dat you
.now' it's wrong and 1 like to be - mo "-Harper's Weekly.
tonal sort that lias mi attraction .m
its own. o i ic;.i:.:gway Trent. ac hs
touted t. grounds that were bntiie.j
and shaved almost as regularly as il -ir
masters, it was oddly charming. His
companion, low ever, noticing hi- mns
ing. lingering gaze, construed in a dif
ferent way.
"Pities us. I suppose, because wi
haven't a head gardener and two or
three assistants." she thought to her-
self resentfully
cided to shock
Thereupon she do
lus sensibilities still
more.
"It's rather informal, I know," she
said glibly, "but I'm going right on
with my work." And she led the way
around to she rear of the house. "You
see. I've just been doing a few of the
small line pieces myself; the China
man brings them back streaked in so
many shades of pink and blue."
Site looked at him furtively, but it
was evident he was thoroughly mysti
fied. She was obliged to be more ex
plicit. "Washing, you know," she elaborat
ed, pointing to an Indian basket heap
ed with linen that stood on the grass.
"Now just make yourself comfortable
and talk to me while I work." And she
proceeded rather ostentatiously to
spread out some dainty handkerchiefs
and napkins on the adjoining rose
bushes, while her caller looked on in
shocked, speechless amazement.
"Oh, I say! You oughtn't to do this,
you know. It's ridiculous; it's an out
rage. Get a Chinaman who'll d the
right thing. There must be one some
where." Miss Barry became sweetly pensive.
Besignment spoke from every line of
her face.
"There are some," she admitted, "but
they charge, oh, fearfully!" Then, with
hands locked behind her. she stood
back and regarded the bushes where
all the sweet rose faces were now hid
den from the sun witli a virtuous en
thusiasm. "That saves papa as much
as a dollar." she said proudly, "and
every little helps."
Trent murmured something, he did
not precisely know what, so busy he
was trying to think what it must be
like, the financial condition that made
the saving of a dollar so great a tiling.
Iirenda covertly watched him with
fiendish delight, which was. it is true,
modified whvn she discovered that his
surprise was changing into a sort of
awed admiration.
Stiil she managed to convey to him
before lie took his dazed departure that
she usually spent the early morning
hours gardening, working in another
pathetic reference their need of econ
omy. Promptly the next morning Trent,
clad in the most disreputable clothes
he could procure, might have been
seen hanging about the Barrydene
hedges. When the daughter of the
house finally made her appearance it
was not so early, though, as he had j
been led to believe. He walked in bold-1
ly. announcing with the simplicity of
the early Treats the market garden
ones that he'd come to help. Miss
Harry's face turned a riotous red. and
she tried to dissuade him. but for an
hour or more he digged and delved at
her side right sturdily. Once begun,
there was no stopping him. and Carris
ton watched the disgraceful affair
aghast. When later on the gardening
led to the usual result Brenda looked
him straight in the eye.
"I fancy that I have angled for you
just as much as the others." she said
breathlessly. But Hemingway Trent
only laughed.
"What difference so long as I like
your bait:" he questioned.
Great Men Who Were Little.
Canon Kingsley not king before his
death drew attention to the number of
short men who could be seen in a Lon
don crowd. He looked upon ii as a sign
of the deterioration of the race. But
there are those who look at it as an
indication of progress In intellectual
lines at least, for many if not most of
the great men of history have been men
below the medium height. Canute the
Great was a singularly smnll man. Na
poleon was undeniably short. Nelson
had no height of which he coul boast,
and the great Conde was hardly more
than five feet tall. Illldehrnnd Greg
ory VII. the greatest of all the p ipes,
was quite a diminutive person. Mon
taigne was short; so was Pope, "a little
crooked thing that asked questions;"
po was Iiryden. and so was Scarron,
who alluded to himself as "an abridg
ment of human miseries" on account of
his short stature and ill health.
Chi firm Pecnllnritle.
In giving his opinion of China Cap
tain Faulkner of the artillery corps
epitomized the Chinese characteristics
so cleverly that some of his listeners
copied down his words.
"China." said Captain Faulkner, "is
a country where the roses have no fra
grance and the women no petticoats,
where the laborer has no Sunday and
the magistrate no sense of honor, where
the roads bear no vehicles and the
ships no keels, where old men fly kites
and the needle points to the south.
j whom the place of honor Is on the left
hand and the seat of Intellect in the
I stomach, where to take off your hat is
J an insolent gesture and to wear white
garments Is to be in mourning, a coun
try which has a literature without an
alphabet and a language without a
1 grammar." London Globe.
Won ITIn Itct.
A hotel proprietor in Baltimore tells
an amusing story. In which the main
figure is an old gentleman well known
to the waiters In the hotels of the Mou
Citv for his aversion to the
-m . , gt;u(leul:ulf ;iv.
O. j u k (llnmr,Vns preparing
ng Jiuisl, d l, .
' ,)0W(h1 JU1(1 s!lW
"Tlnfn!: you very much, sab."
What
She Wait Pouted.
said Mr. Hazzard, who was
'Now,
, w i ti... mrsioriim of milf.
ninu utu6 - -- -
"vou know what a 'too' Is. Let me ex-
nnw u., of tno -caddie.'
? L interrupted, ..Ul0
O con . I
a tea caddie ls."-Ph,lnde,-
the deuce are you thanking
f - ' nmfiii I' flflTII'llllllNI iiii mil r -
.. I.t il 1.1 ..!
VASHINGTON LETTER"
Spi'clul Correspondence.
Professor Merrill, curator of geology
f the National museum, recently
daccd on exhibition in that institution
vhat is undoubtedly the largest mass
of pure amethysts in the world.
Early in ilXU the agents of one of
the great gem cutting works of Ober-
tein. Bavaria, discovered on the slope
if the Serra do Mar, iu the Brazilian
tate of Bio Grande do Sul, the largest
mass of pure amethysts ever brought
to light.
The mass occurred in the form of a
geode, thirty-three feet in length, five
feet in width, three feet in height and
weighing tniriv-uve ions, ran 01 mis
geode was exposed standing upright in
the form of a huge violet colored mono
litli. but the lower end was firmly Im
bedded iu the original melaphyr mat
rix rock. Most of the great scientific
institutions of the world would havi
given thousands of dollars for this
giant amethyst mass, but the agent,
having an eye only to the commercial
value of the geode, broke it up into
fragments, in which form it was ship
ped to Germany.
Professor Merrill recognized the val
ue of this geode to the world of learn
ing, and it was due to his influence
that the Smithsonian institution pur
chased from the German gem cutting
works the largest of the fragments
then remaining, which, notwithstand
ing the fact that It forms but a small
part of the original geode. weighing
only -KM) pounds, is nevertheless the
largest mass of amethysts in the world.
Historic Table 3Iut lliited.
Immediately after President Boose
volt took the oath of otlice iu front of
the capitol on March 4 and left the
stand one of the Invited guests of dis
tinction drew a knife from his pocket
and sliced an oblong splinter half an
inch thick from the famous walnut ta
ble at which presidents have been
sworn into office since the days of
John Ouiney Adams. It has been ru
mored that the vandal was a foreign
diplomat and that the police refrained
from making an arrest because of his
otlicial position.
All rViitloiin Invited.
The president lias issued a proclama
tion inviting all nations to be repre
sented by their military organizations
and naval vessels at the celebration to
be held in the vicinity of Jamestown,
Va.. from May Bl until November. 1907.
Vt hite House Itar.o Hnml IIukn.
persons familiar with President
BooM'elt's private hatred of body
guards and similar precautions are
wondering how soon he would give a
gentle rebuke to the zealous otlicial re
sponsible for a new rule In respect of
White House visitors. The rule is that
no one shall carry a valise, suit case.
satchel, bundle, package, parcel or, In
fact, anything in a wrapper Into the
exeeiuh e mansion.
Sunday llliscrviinci'.
The past social season at the capital
witnessed a marked broadening in the
manner in which Sunday is observed.
The puritanical restrictions thrown
about the day In bygone years have
been loosened despite the warnings of
the clergy against the tendency toward
the cntinentnl tsuuday.
Society's progress toward a more lib
eral Sunday has been gradual, but the
broader regime has come steadily on.
Bi-h p Satterlee of the Episcopal dio
cese of Washington bus frequently
spoken of the practice of making Sun
da like every other day In the week,
but society lias gone merrily on. Sun
day dinner parties have become more
and more the vogue. The capital on
Sundays lias had Its round of dinners,
informal at homes, afternoon teas, the
ater parties for the evening concerts,
which are the only attractions at the
l"eal playhouses on this day, with gay
Mill' suppers afterward at the hotels
ami cafes or at the homes of the hosts
and hostesses.
( I f t .h to the (iivrrniurnt.
Slightly removed in spirit from the
couM-icuce fund, but belonging to the
"I uliar" receipts of the government,
are the gifts which It receives from its
citizens. Occasionally a man bequeaths
his property in whole or In part to the
I'nited States government. This was
true of General Nathaniel Lyon, who
was killed at the battle of Wilson's
Creek while lighting valorously to save
Missouri for the Union.
one of the most curious gifts which
the treasury regularly receives- four
times a year Is a seventy-two dollar
check. The giver draws a pension of
that amount. He does not want to re
linquish it for fear that some time lie
might want it, but so long as lie retains
a lucrative position which he is able to
fill he thinks lie ought not to hnve the
pension.
Seivntre Puniplucr Plant.
The magnificent new sewage pump
ing station, which for all time to come,
it is claimed, will be sufficient for the
needs of the city of Washington, Is to
be ready for operation in June. For
the storm water and ordlnarj' street
sewage there are eight pumps, each
with a capacity of Go.OOO.OOO gallons
per twenty-four hours. These will han
dle the drainage from what Is known
as the "low surface area," which cov
ers about 1)00 acres In the heart of the
city from B street south to F street
north and from the capitol to the treas
ury. On the east side of the engine room
are the four sewage pumps, three of
which are of the same capacity as the
rain water pumps, while the fourth Is
a sort of "pony pump," having the ca
pacity of ".0,1)00,000 gallons in twenty
four hours.
Each of the twelve pumps has Its In
dividual engine, and power Is furnished
from the big boilers now being In
tiUlled immediately to the south of the
engine room.
CAUL SCTIOFlELn.
Avoid Worrj-.
No large, generous soul was ever a
worrier. Calmness, serenity, poise and
power to move through life rhythmical
ly, without jar or fret, are characteris
tic of greatness and true nobility.
Success Magazine.
A One Mxht Stand.
Bosh Is IVIank on the stage? Josh
No. Bosh- Why, yes he is! He told me
that he made his first appearance two
years ago. Josh Unihuh! He made his
last appearance on the same night.
Detroit Free Press.
WOMAN AND FASHION
Fashionable Coat.
The box coats are high in favor am
ire seen among the mo t fashionable
f the season's m aids. The one here
illustrated was made of covert cloth
and Is in long hip length. The fronts
DOUBLE BREASTED BOX COAT.
lap in double breasted style, and the
notched collar may be of velvet If pre
f erred. The coat sleeve Is wide enough
to wear over the full bodice sleeve now
demanded by fashion, and a shaped
strap extends well over the sleeve, giv
ing a square shoulder effect. Broad
cloth, cheviot, silk and all the materials
used for coats are adaptable. The me
dium size will require two and seven
eighths yards of fifty-four inch mate
rial. Trimming Topic.
Tiny buttons are not confined to lin
gerie effe'Cts.
Steel spangles are among the favor
ites.
Flowered nets are exceptionally love
ly.
Pale green bids fair to be in high
favor.
Lots of lace is to be worn this sum
mer.
Persian effects are seen iu many
guises.
Tiny roses, two rows, adorn some.
smart hats.
A chain of green bends is worn to
advantage with a gown of a darker
green.
The Popular RcdinKote.
The red ingot e is still very fashiona
ble in Paris. It is built of every light
material, but taffeta is especially mod
ish, and it lends Itself well for the pur
pose.
Colorw In DreNM.
The smartest of costumes will be
ruined if too many colors are used in
its composition. For Instance, an en
tirely blue gown Is much prettier than
a blue skirt and a pink waist. Try to
keep the same color scheme through
out your whole costume. Different
shades of the same color mix prettily,
and one contrasting color Is all right,
but never wear a skirt of one color,
a waist of another and a hat of a
third.
A Denlrnble Model.
No woman of today considers her
wardrobe complete unless It contains n
variety of pretty waists suitable for
every occasion. These are not the
"shop made" waists either, for In these
days of paper patterns, which almost
do the work for you, every woman
takes a certain pride In making her
liADY'S BLOUSE.
own waists, and that Is why they hnve
an Individual look, although the mate
rial may be ever so Inexpensive. The
model here depicted Is especially desir
able. It Is not too elaborate to be at
tempted by the home dressmaker, and
it lends itself admirably to effective
combinations of mnterial In both cot
ton and silk. It Is suitable for a sepa
rate waist or ns part of the season's
f.hirt waist suit. The blouse Is tucketl
and finished with duchess closing. The
yoke Is a pretty Idea, although If one
desires a plain tucked waist It may be
omitted. The sleeve Is the new shirt
waist model and may be finished by
the cuff or In any preferred manner.
A Woiiwwi'h ToiiKtie.
"Woman's tongue Is . her sword,
which she never lets rust," wrote
Mute. Necker. "The -tongue is not
steel, but It cuts," wrote Erasmus.
"The tongue "kilty more than the
sword," wrote ;eslk, the Ottoman
statesman. Solomon, tho-embodlmcnt
of wisdom, wrote, "It Is better to
dwell In the corner of the housetop
than with a brawling woman and In
a wide house." And St. James wrote.
"Tfie tongue is a little member and
boasteth great things." However, the
good King Arthur said. "Deny not to
woman the proper use of her tongue."
HEROISM IN ANIMALS.
Ulnntrated by n Itnm That Defended
a Flock of Sheep.
A writer on natural historj' com
plains that men are prone to regare
masculine courage in defense of others
as a virtue purely human. In reality
self sacrificing for the female sex or
for the young is part of the scheme of
nnture, and every male thing is strong
and splendid in appearance becaust
he Is the descendant of those who have
proudly helel and guarded "the privi
lege of 'death." Another writer tells a
story which Illustrates this point. Two
entwnologlsts, hunting at night, clam
bered over a gate with their swinging
lanterns and found themselves In a
field filled with sheen. Tho result of
their coining was panic and a furious
stampede. The sheep charged belter
skelter away from the lanterns awl
huddled together at the far and of the
field. But there was a ram among
them, and as the flock scurrletl nway
tills creature stood firm, covering the
retreat. Then, steadily and majestlcal
ly, the huge ram advanced with lower
eel head toward the mysterious lights
and pressed them back to the gate
This is only one graphic story of many
that might be told of mnsculluo cour
nge throughout nature. Man has some
virtues which animals, so far as we
can judge, know nothing about, but
heroism the pride of affording protec
tlon to the weak and daring death for
the security of the flock is not a hu
man attribute alone any more than Is
maternal affection.
THE SPIRIT OF HOME.
It Mnnt De Within You If You "Would
Create a Home.
To create a home you must have the
spirit of home. Just as the smallest
village may have Its history, Its moral
stamp, so the smallest home may have
Its soul. Oh, the spirit of places, the
atmosphere which surrounds us In hu
man dwellings! What a world of mys
tery! Here even on the threshold the cold
begins to.penetrate; you are ill at ease;
something intangible repulses you.
There no sooner does the door shut
you in than friendliness and good hu
mor envelop you. It Is said that walls
hnve ears. They have also voices, a
mute eloquence. Everything that a
dwelling contains Is bnthed In an ether
of personality. And I And proof of its
quality even In the apartments of bach
elors and solitary women.
What an abyss between one room
and another room!
Here all Is dead, Indifferent, com
monplace; the device of the owner Is
written all over It even In his fashion
of arranging his photographs and
books. All Is the same to me! There
one breathes in animation, a conta
gious joy Iu life. The visitor hears re
peated In countless fashion: "Whoever
you are, guest of an hour, I wish you
well. Peace be with you!" Charles
Wagner.
Dondtimen.
In his "History of Coal Mining" B.
W. Galloway points out that what ap
pear to be traces of a primitive state
of servitude existed In Staffordshire,
Euglaud, where the laborers employed
n the haulage of coal continued to be
Known as "oonusmen, a name prou-
ably coming down from a remote pe
riod, a supposition which receives sup-
ort from a peculiar service required
of them known as "bulldases. ' This
consisted In working at times in the
morning without receiving any pay
ment beyond n drink of ale. This cus
tom of exacting labor without pay Is
supposed to represent some ancient
service required from their tenants by
the monks of tho abbey of Bulldwas,
n Shropshire, whence the name was
derived.
Ancient Thomas Parr.
Thomas Parr lived 152 years and was
burled In Westminster abbey. Born In
Shropshire, England, In 14S3, Parr led
the life of an agricultural laborer In his
natlvo place till blindness and extreme
old ago kept him indoors. Early In
035, his longevity hnvlng made him
famous, Thomas, earl of .Arundel,
took him to Loudon to be exhibited
to Charles I. He was lodged In the
Strand, but the change of nlr and diet
told upon him, and In November of that
same year he died. He was described
as a good looking man of medium size,
with a deep chest and a thick beard.
le attributed his excellent health to
moderation In eating and drinking.
The Pepper Vine.
The most common and widely used
of all spices Is pepper. It is a natlvo of
the East Indies, but Is now eultlvntcd
n various parts of tho tropical belt of
this hemisphere. Tho plant Is a climb
er and has a smooth stem sometimes
twelve feet long. The fruit is about
the size of a pea and when rlpo Is of a
bright red color. In cultivation the
plant Is supported by poles. In some
ocalltles small trees are used Instead
of poles, for the best pepper Is grown
n a certain degree of shade.
FIRST MAP OF THE SKY.
It XVnn Made 1.420 Yenrw nefore the
ChrUtlnn Era.
t a very early period in the history
of astronomy it was felt that the stars
should be divided Into distinct groups
or coustellations. This Important task
las engaged the) attention of astrono
mers from remote tlnii'H and has only
een brought to ; Its present perfection
by a long series of Intellectual efforts.
According to (lleinent of Alexandria,
t wos Chiron, believed to be the mak
er of the first celestial globe, who, 1,-1 'JO
years before the Christian era, divided
Uie starry heavtjiiB Into constellations
and so mapped out the sky. Newton
upheld this opinion, which is further
corroborated In the book of Job, when?
allusion Is made to Orion, the Pleiades,
and the Ilyades, a proof that at a very
early period there had been a grouping
of the stars.
Ileslod in his "Works and Days,"
written 2,700 years ngo, also refers to
several of the constellations as though
their names -wero familiar to his renti
ers. Her clever Scheme.
Fanny-Why In the world do you
send nwnv for n mum nntnlncmna niwt .
then never buy anything? Suzette To
keep the postman coming here. I don't
want those women across the Btreet to
know that Jack and I don't correspond
any more. Detroit Free Tress.
NEW SHORT STORIES
Drew the Line at ICinniniC.
This is the true story of how a cer
tain pianist wuo uas neon amusing
New York with his music and his man
ters got possession of his mutfirr. He
saw It first the niuiller that became
his own on the neck of a man to
whom he had just been introduced.
"I like your mufller," he said by way
of conversation. "I give you a dollar
for your mufller."
"Extremely flattered, I'm sure, but I
don't care to sell out just at present,"
replied the American.
"I give you a dollar," reiterated the
pianist serenely. "The muffler will be
second hand. A dollar is a good price."
The American pulled the mufller
from his neck. "Accept it with mv
"i'll be hanoed if you do!"
compliments." lie said weariedly.
"Keep your money, and be so good as
to accept the mufller."
The piani-t was overjoyed. "Gener
ous man. lie exclaimed, with tiars in
his voice. "I kiss you for that!" Spread
ing out his arms, he rushed on the
American.
"I'll be hanged if you do!" cried the
intended victim, who proceeded to
gra-p use piano pounder by the shoul
ders and shake him until his teeth rat
tled.
'lhe mu:ic:u recovered his breath as
the American was 3'anishing out of the
dooi .
"Men of your cauntry are so cold, so
very cold, he remarked to a bystand
er. -.New lorlc Evening Post.
I'cilotv Student. at Ann Arbor.
When former Senator Joseph V.
Quaries of Wisconsin was ready to
take the oath of office as judge of the
diMrt court iu Wisconsin he made
arr.iu.'i-iiient.s to have the oath adinlu-
isi -red by Associate Justice William
11. Day of the supreme court, says the
Washington Post. There was a senti
mental reason for this. Some time
after (Juaries became senator he was
sitting in the lobby of a Washington
hotel ami was approached by a tall,
spare man, who in holding out his hand
said:
"Is this Joe? I am Rufe."
(juarles was for a moment non
plused, but he then grasped the out
stretched hand and shook it heartily
for some time. Explanations followed.
William H. Day. called Bufe. and Jo
seph V. Quaries, called Joe, were stu
dents together at Ann Arbor, Mich.
They were ro.imtnates and close
friends, but in the work of life the
had lost sight of each other until they
met in Washington, one being United
States Judge and the other a United
States senator. So Quaries had his
old college friend as justice of the
highest court complete the final act
which made him a judge for life.
Her Son an Abolition Int.
"When I was a boy," remarked Rep
resentative Hepburn of Iowa, "I well
remember that my mother was a very
ardent proslavery woman. She came
from the south and owned in her right
an old colored auntie, and she could
not look upon the matter with un
prejudiced eyes. I was one of three
young fellows who wrote out by hand
the notice's for the first Republican
convention held In my town. There
was no printing office there, so notices
had to be written. When It became
known that I was In the movement
my mother asked me If I had become
an abolitionist. I told her that I was
a Republican. I remember how she
held up her hands aghast and cried out,
'To think that a son of mine should
become a black abolitionist!' "Wash
ington Post.
Chanced the Subject.
At a reception last week Professor
Frederick P. Lee of Columbia universi
ty, who has recently been granted con
siderable leisure for original research,
was overheard asking a lady if she hail
seen the Aphrodite.
"No," she replied. "Isn't It wonder
ful that such a reptile should have ex
Lsteil upon the face of the earth?"
"I said Aphrodite, not dinosaur,"
said the startled professor.
But she looked so puzzled that he
changed the subject. New York Times.
IllfCh mid Low Church.
Irving Grlnnell. treasurer of the
Church Temperance society of New
York, was talking about the difference
between high and low church among
Episcopalians, says the New York
Tribune.
"I heard two boys talking on the
street the other day," he said. "The
first said in a boasting way:
" 'Our church Is awful high. We
have matins.
" 'That's not'in',' said the other boy.
'We have carpets.' "
Dumley I never saw a man like
Brixton to drift away from the subject
under discussion. -
Barrass As, for Instance?
Dumley I Just nskeel him what he
was doing the night I saw him down
! the road, and he evaded an answer by
remarking that he had known people
to got rich by attending to their own
DUSineSS
I hnve no doubt he has, but
n1n oilill
1U1J riJVIIMi v. -
Boston Transcript.
Tho vivacity which nugments with
years Is not far from folly. Rochefoucauld.
j't j
j
HUMOR OF THE HOUR
Stiee Advice.
"I know that I am homely," snid the
youth who was consulting the seer,
"and I lane ::o form of grace nor have
I any money. More than that, I lack
ability to earn money; I cannot carry
on a conversation, cannot sing, cannot
dance, can.iot write cannot do any
thing. Yet I wish you would advise me
how to induce some girl to marry me."
"Have you any bad habits?" Inquired
the seer.
"Indeed, no," answered the yojith
proudly. "That's my one and only rec
ommendation. I have absolutely no
bad habits."
"Your only chance," said the seer,
with an air of great wisdom, "Is to
shake your gooel habits at once and ac
quire all the bad habits possible. Then
some girl will marry you to reform
you." Judge.
Man Overboard.
On a trip of one of the Illinois river
packets, a light draft one, as there
were only two feet of water In the
channel, the passengers were startled
by the cry, "Man overboard!"
The steamer was stopped and prep
arations made to save him, when he
was heard e xclaimlng: "Go ahead with
your old steamer! I'll walk behind
you!" Philadelphia Ledger.
A Grent Truth.
"Yes," said the man who occasionally
thinks aloud, "that's why so many mar
riages are failures."
"Why is It?" queried the party with
the rubber habit.
"The average young man thinks a
girl would rather be loved and pitied
than dressed and fed," explained the
noisy thinker. Chicago News.
The Correct Simile.
Bobby I've been working all day
like a dog, pop.
Father Glad to hear that you are -'
getting industrious, Robert But what
have you been doing?
Bobby I've been digging out a -wood-chuck,
pop! Puck.
Where the Shoe Pinched.
Curious MotherWhat was It that
Ferdinand said to you just as he was
going out that made you so angry?
Disappointed Maiden It was not
what he said, but what he didn't say.
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
Ilorr It Leaked Oat.
"Yes. their marriage was secret, and
It would never have been discovered
but tor one tiling."
"What was that?"
"They couldn't keep the divorce pro
ceedings from becoming public."
Didn't Look It.
Harris Kllbert's wife is rather lit
erary, isn't she?
Bert I don't think so. Why, she's
as neat as a pin and as perfectly .
groomed a woman as you could wish
to see. Boston Transcript.
Thnuffht.
"Bliggins puts a great deal of
thought Into his work."
"Yes," said the sarcastic person. "lie
works ten minutes and then thinks
about It for an hour and a quarter."
Washington Star.
At Her Oivn Estimate.
Lucy (enviously) As regards MIs3
de Style's looks, you must remember
that "beauty Is but skin deep."
Lavlnla True; but, ns you yourself
have often said, she Is awfully thick
skinned. Judge.
Her Advice.
"Yes, Laura, he said his heart was in
ray keeping."
"Take my advice, dear, and tell him
you are not running a storage ware
house for damaged goods." Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
A PoMNlble Career.
"What." asked the professor, "Is the
future of the Russian soldier?"
"Well." answered the student, "he
ought to be able to win medals as a
sprinter." Washington Star.
That Destructive Bump.
Phrenologist Your bump of destruc
tiveness is very large. Are you a sol
dier or a pugilist?
Subject Neither; I'm a furniture
mover. New York Weekly.
HIn Preference.
"They say you are a great linguist.
Professor Talkleigh. Which tongue do
you prefer?"
"Canned." New Orleans Times-Democrat.
lie Wnn Practicing.
-Why does Dodson wabble so when
h walks? nas he been In a wreck?"
"Goodness, no! Die's taking physical
culture." Chicago Record-Herald.
A Saccestlon.
The Shell Game Man Why not try
the game? It's simply giving away
money. The Stranger But why not
give nway the money without going
through what seems to bo a needless
formality? New York Tress.
More Than Beauty Needed.
"You are beautiful enough to be woo
ed by an emperor."
"Am I beautiful enough to be wooed
by a duke?'
"Yes, Indeed; but not rich enough."
Houston Post.
pina rrcss.
liwoi'tler. but
It was of the plc-