BARNEY'S
REDEMPTION
By A. W. WHITEFORD
CorjTiKht, 1WXJ, by A. V. Whitcford
the coming tost were about evcii. Taken
altogether, the .Midland hud perhaps a
lew less miles of track, hut It had moi
hills. Ou the western divisiou it had
the advantage, but on the eastern d
vision It was the other way. The re
test would come over the middle divl
8ion. and whoever got into hendquar
ters lirst would undoubtedly win the
race.
As the appointed day drew near. Bar
ncy's Interest increased to such an ex
tent that he decided to overcome his
scruples for once and go down to the
depot with the crowd. That the racing
train would not stop he was certain
division. The first thine the men hmi lor I,e knew tl,at tl,eso c,oar track or
to decide was whv it had been issued ders rcsnect nothing but water tanks
and the reasons thev advanced were u,,u mai cnuics. wun pernaps an occ
jTjIITIIIN six hours after the new
IAI I general manager issued his fa
J I mous "dry" order it was the
must uiscusseu suoject on the
almost as varied as the men them
selves. Some claimed that it was be
cause he had lost the contract for car
rying the Consolidated Brewing com
pany's Kansas and Iowa shipments;
others asserted just as positively that
It was because he would not believe
the "fog" explanation for the last
head-end wreck, in which two of the
largest compounds on the system had
been put out of service, while the bal
ance contented themselves with sar
castic allusions to his "prohibition
tendencies" and his "devotion to prin
ciple." But on one point they all seem
ed to agree, and that was that it was
entirely too severe.
"To think." said Barney McDonald
as he stod In the midst of a group of
engineers and firemen just outside the
roundhouse olliee. "we are not even to
be allowed to go into a saloon. I won
der w lu re he thinks we intend to get
our checks cashed. .Maybe he intends
to furnish a traveling identifier so as
to enable us to walk into a bank like
respectable people and have some
young snipe of a clerk ask us to swear
that we are the person named on the
cheek. No. sir." he continued em
phatically, drawing himself up to the
full height of h! six feet four: "not if
I know myself. I've had my checks
cashed in saloons for the last twenty
years, and I've never been drunk yet,
and I'll do it again, too. if I feel like it.
orders or no orders."
After the first wave of excitement
had passed and the obnoxious order had
been accepted as a fact speculation be
came rife as to who would be the first
victim, for it was a generally accepted
fact that at least the first offender
would get short shrift for the sake of
example. For the next week or two.
therefore, everybody was particularly
careful as to where his inclinations led
him. and if there was any imbibing it
was done so much on the quiet that not
n soul could swear to having "seen"
anything.
The first pay day. however, saw Bar
ney true to his threat. With his check
In his hand he walked straight from the
pay car to the nearest saloon, called up
the house and defiantly threw down the
little piece of paper with the order to
' "take it out of that." That the local of
ficials took no notice of this was proba
bly due to the fact that they knew lie
was only blutling. although it might
have been better if they had. for with
him It was but the beginning of the
old. old story. Flattery was finally the
means of his undoing. The admiration
of his companions, either real or pre
tended, for the boldness he displayed
soon had its effect. Such remarks as
"iou're too good a man. Barney: they
can't afford to lose you." turned his
head. From a steady and reliable
workman he became first careless and
then reckless.
Nor was this the worst. To every
man who openly admired his nerve or
praised him for holding on to his rights
he considered himself in duty bound to
show his daring until it came to a
point whece he never made a trip with
out taking" a drink. Some of the cooler
headed ones soon saw how things were
going and tried to drop a word or two
In his ear. but he quickly advised them
' to take as good care of their own busi
ness as they did of other people's and
then see how much better ofT they
would be. It came at last, however.
After an unusually lively afternoon he
started out on No. 2?.. as usual, but h
had gone beyond his limit, and the
motion of the engine soon got in its
work.
When he ran the Rock Island cross
ing, the fireman began to suspect what
was wrong ami decided to keep an eye
on him. but when he tried to make the
stop at O. and came to a standstill at
the pump house, about two and a half
miles down in the hollow, the entire
train crew knew that the jig was up.
The conductor v:u compelled to report
the occurrence, the investigation was
held the next day, and, as the trainmen
put it. "Old Barney gets his six months
twice a yea r."
- In a short time Barney and his fam
ily moved to X., a little town about
seventy miles outx from headquarters,
where his wife's folks lived. Here he
made l.i living as best he could, driv
ing a team, working on the streets or
doing anything in the line of odd jobs
that he was able to pick up. lie made
no trffort to get back on the road, not
even to the extent of circulating a pe
tition for reinstatement. He realized
that lie had made a mistake and was
honest enough to accept the full limit
of his punishment even to the extent of
keeping away from the depot as much
lis possible. In order to avoid meeting
the men who went through on the
trains. But his love for the old life
ttill continued. Twenty years of con
tinuous service on the road fits a man
Into a groove from which he finds it im
possible to extricate himself. He talked
but little about railroad matters, but
every item was as eagerly devoured
and every change as readily noted as
though he were still In the service.
When the news reached N. that the
Iowa packers were going to make a
test between his old road and the .Mid
land to decide who should get the Chi
cago shipments he was among the first
to hear it. and no one wished more sin-
Mml-.r flio life rnml would win It
to be a great race.
slonal railroad crossing, and as the
town possessed none of these his only
satisfaction would be a glimpse of yel
low paint as the refrigerators llashei
by, but he considered this much worth
the effort
When he reached the platform, which
was already well filled with people. In
found them all discussing the one sub
Ject. Men who had never set foot In an
engine cab were busily engaged show
ing just how the Midland was going
to get beaten, while an equal number
of others, possessed of an equal amount
of knowledge, were showing how it
was Impossible. Some were betting on
the time that would be made, others
on the amount of meat carried, and
still others were telling just how much
the lucky road would clear on the con
tract In the next three years.
Barney took no part In any of these
discussions, but stood quietly at one
edge of the crowd waiting patiently for
the first sound of the train's approach.
In a short time his trained ear detected
the unmistakable rumble, and soon a
thin columu of smoke appeared far
down the track, and In another moment
the whistle sounded. As the train came
up by the lower switch he could see
that steam was shut off with the evi
dent Intention of stopping. "That's
queer," he remarked to himself as he
took a step or two nearer the track.
"I wonder what's wrong."
The crowd, too, had noticed by this
time that something was the matter,
and they began pushing and scram
bling in a wild endeavor to reach the
the agent's window just as the train
came to a standstill, with the engine
even with the depot. It took but a mo
ment for them to learn what was
wrong. The engineer, overcome with
the heat and the strain of the excite
ment, had given out and was unable to
go any farther.
The conductor held a hurried consul
tation with the agent. "I'm afraid the
contract's lost," he said gloomily. "They
told us when we took water at P. that
we were just about even, but here we
are. laid out. and not an engineer with
in forty miles. I'd run her myself If I
thought I could make it. but I guess
you might as well tell headquarters
we've lost the heat."
But the agent, whose eyes had been
wandering over the crowd while the
conductor was talking, suddenly caught
to her place at the right spot on thr
hills until her speed became souiethin
terrific. The fences seemed to be van
Ishing into the earth, the telegraph
poles went by like wisps of straw, the
trees that lined the right of way blend
ed together until they resembled a
moving sheet shaken by the wind, an
occasional horse or cow Hashed by like
a dancing dot on a moving screen, and
one town after another was reached
and passed like pictures on a revolving
man's drop." and whqn, about half
way down, It broke with a roar he
knew that there was not another drop
of water In the tank. The glass was a
little more than three-quartern lull and
five miles to go.
Barney set his teeth together a little
closer as the space at the top of the
recording glass began to lengthen.
Two-thirds, and over three miles yet!
Half full three inches! The strain
was beginning to tell. A look of de-
WOMAN AND FASHION
panorama. But on the engine there spalr began to settle on the fireman's
wan little opportunity to put in any
time admiring the scenery. The fire
man kept his place In the middle of
the deck and only let go of the shovel
long enough to shake a grate or work
an Injector. The brakeman, for once
without kicking, was cracking coal
mill! after mile without so much as
looking up, and. ns for Barney, he
simply sat tight, one hand on the
throttle, the other fingering the brake
valve and his eyes glued to the strips
of ftteel that seemed to be hurled at
him like two streaks of gray colored
lightning.
"We ought to catch sight of thum at
B.," he remarked as he looked at
watch. "They'll have to stop there for
water, too, and It's whoever gets away
from there first that wins out. At this
rate we'll have that twelve minutes
made up by that time, and If they don't
get their water first our chances are as
good as theirs."
But as they approached the town of
B. things looked black for their chances.
The town was in the midst of a level
stretch where the two roads ran par
allel and in sight of one another for
more than two miles. The two water
tanks were scarcely more than a bun-
area teet apart, as uarney s engine
came into the town limits he could see
the Midland standing at the water
tank, the fireman up on the back of
the engine tank, with his hands on the
spout, ready to throw It free the in
stant, the tank was full.
I' or one instant Barney hesitated.
then shut off to make the stop. "Only
twenty miles in," he muttered, "and
trus stop means ten minutes. I guess
we're up a tree." But the next instant
he turned to the fireman for the first
time since they had started.
"Hey. Billy!" he called out sharply.
"Run back and see how much water
we'vo got!" Billy needed no second
bidding, but grabbed the broom on the
With his check in hbs hand.
sight of Barney and replied quickly
"There s Barney McDonald. Why not
give him a chance? He used to be able
to turn them fast enough."
The conductor glanced In Barney's
direction. "It's worth a try," he said
It took but a moment to call Barney
to the engine. The conductor hurriedly
explained the situation, winding up by
saying: "Now, get up here and take the
train In. I'll be responsible for every
thing, but I'll guarantee that you never
need worry ir ou omy get mere on
time."
Barney s railroad training came to
the front on the Instant lie knew
there was no time for haggling or ex
planation. He merely said, "All right:
I'll do It," and swung himself up into
the cab. A gleam of his old time spirit
came to his eye as his feet touched the
deck, and It was with almost childish
eagerness that he picked up an oil can.
jumped down and began to "oil round "
He hurried from one side to the other,
feeling her boxes, touching up her
liuks, dropping a splash or two on her
guides, and In an instant was back in
the cab, and they were started.
"She's a bird," hetj-emarked to hlm
Eelf as they began to leave the town
behind them, "and brand new. Her
drivers must be at least seven feet
high, and that tank holds oyer 4.000
gallons. We've lost twelve minutes."
he continued as he hooked her up a
notch and gave her a little more steam,
"but unless I'm mistaken this Is just
the sort of a mill that will make it up.
We've got coal enough, and we've only
Tn cars of meat, got one stop to make for water. It's a
all loaded in the same nvike of refrig- good seventy miles, but an hour and a
era tors, were to be delivered to each half ought to get us there easy."
ro;M at the western terminus, and who- That he had forgotten nothing of his
ever landed them in t'hl-:ig first was former skill was soon evident from the
to get the contract for the next three way the train was handled. He knew
wars. The rivalry' between the two every foot of the road from one end of
roads had always been of the fiercest the division to the other, and as each
sort. This was due to the fact that as familiar landmark was reached and
thev lay so close together It was no passed his every move clearly showed
trouble for shippers to transfer trade that he was still the Barney of old.
from one to the other, and the nip and The curves were approached with Just
tuck scramble for the local business enough caution to keep her Inside the
kept all the divisiou points at a fever limit; the hollows were gauged to a
uuat nicety; she was held up at just the
As Barney figured It, the chances in nroner instant on the falls and dropped I
Instant, ran back over the coal, jerked
off the manhole plate, reached down
and touched the bottom of the tank
with the end of the broom ha mile, and
then, holding It up so that Barney
could see how much of it was wet. he
called out:
"Only about thirteen inches. We'll
never be able to make it with that."
But. Barney appeared to be satisfied.
for he turned around, gave the throttle
a Jerk that brought an angry snort
from the engine, and in another mo
ment they had passed the water tank
and were flying on through the town.
caving the Midland crew gaping at
them In open mouthed astonishment
"How in" legan the fireman as he
got back to the deck, but Barney inter
rupted him with: "Here: take her a
minute, and don't ease her up either.
We've got one chance, and only one
and we're going to take it."
As he stepped down from the seat he
picked up the coal order book, serib
bled hurriedly on it for a moment with
the stub of a pencil he found in it. tore
out the page and handed it to the fir
man with the remark. "Drop that to
the operator at II." Then he turned,
picked up the end gate and coal pick
and started back over the coal.
Still at a loss to account for Ids
movements, the fireman glanced at the
message he held in his hands, but It
brought no light to his mind. All he
could make out was. "Wire headquar
ters 1o have the south yard section
gang on the lookout for lire on the
track and have the Ice house track
clear, ready to load a ton or two when
we get In." He was enough of a rail
road man. however, to know how to
obey orders, and in far less time than
it takes to tell it he had folded the
paper, weighted it with a small chunk
of coal and turned to watch Barney.
As the engineer reached the hack end
of the tank he Jerked the lid off the
manhole and then took the end gate
and slipped the upper crossbar over
the brake rod on the first car in such
a manner as to allow the bottom edge
to be directly over the manhole. This
done, he picked up the coal pick, took a
firm grip on the brake rod. braced hi?
feet for an instant on the end gate
and swung himself up on the roof of
the car. In another moment Billy un
derstood at least a part of the mes
sage, lie was going to get a water
supply from the Ice boxes In the refrig
erator.
KntireJy unassisted and with only the
coal pick for an ice hook Barney haul
ed up the big 'J00 pound cakes out of
the ice box. ran them along the running
board till they reached the end of the
car, tJien gave them a iick or two wun
the pick, and down slid the pieces into
the tank. Although they were run
ning fully fifty miles an hour, he work
ed jusl as swiftly as though they were
standing sfJll. Not a lick was missed,
and not a cake got away from him.
When the box at one end of the car
was emptied he ran to the other end
and began on the second one. When
that was emptied lie climbed down
upon the tank, took off the end gate.
dropped the lid over the manhole and
came back into the cab.
"Now shut off your overflow." he said
as the fireman yielded up ms seat.
"Throw your tank valve over and open
your injector throttle. We've got to get
steam enough into the tank to melt
that Ice. I put in fifteen cakes. They're
good for twenty gallons apiece. I guess
that will let us in. In fact, it's got to,"
he continued as he glanced at the steam
gauge, for we cant spare steam,
enough to melt any more."
From then on not a word was said.
Barney took his place on the seat box.
the fireman kept his eye on the water
glass, and the brakeman looked after
the coal. The steam soon melted the
ce, and the water ran as free as ever.
Mile after mile rolled by.
The last twenty miles were soon re
duced to fifteen. The train's speed nev
er slackened for an Instant. Fourteen
miles thirteen! They were using lots
of water, but the injector still worked
smoothly.
Twelve eleven ten! It was begin
ning to suck a little. Nine eight! It
was hard work now to get It to take
inld. Seven six! Billy put it on this
time as they started down "Middle-
face, but Barney only gripped the throt
tle a little tighter and leaned a little
farther forward. Two Inches one and
a half! Only one inch left, and they
were still two miles out! How long
would the boiler stand It before burst
ing? The fireman began to wonder
how it would feel to be suddenly lifted
clear off the right of way, and the
brakeman started to edge toward the
gangway. In another moment the wa
ter was out of sight In the bottom of
the glass.
Even Barney could now feel the cold
sweat start out all over him.
"Turn your grates, Billy!" he shouted.
"Drop your fire In the ash pan and
shako.lt out on the track!"
Billy understood the other part of the
telegraph message now, and he went to
work with a will. In a few seconds
there was nothing visible in the bottom
of the lire box but the slowly cooling
grate prongs. A mile and a half yet!
The steam gauge was beginning to
quiver. -A few rods farther and it had
gone back five pounds.
At the mile they were down to nine
ty, at the half only forty; at the quar
ter they had scarcely twenty-five
pounds. But the momentum of the
train was enough. In another moment
they were In the yards, and the race
was won.
They needed a switch engine to set
them In on the siding, but as they saw
the new crew take charge.' the fresh
engine couplrd on, the Ice boxes refilled
nnd the train off for Chicago fully five
minutes before the Midland whistled
for town they did not mind being
dragged around as a "cripple." and
they immediately set to work to see
how much damage had been done.
"Never even bulged the crown sheet."
said the boilermaker whom Barney
persuaded to examine the engine's in
terior. "It took the lead pretty well out
of the soft plug, but it won't take long
to fix that. I dou't think the boss '11
say anything about It"
The general manager didn't say much
More Than a Hint of Summer.
There Is more than a hint of summer
in this white voile with its off trim
ming In guipure of different kinds.
The loose Eton falls free over the silk
belt, the guipure being disposed In
h GIANT OCTOPUS.
Way a Thirty Foot Monster
Ctiuic to lie Cupturcil.
)t the moot interesting objects
Natural History museum in
The
One
in the
pus. E. it. Kennedy, the author of
"Thirty Seasons In Scandinavia," not
only saw the octopus, but a little later
heard the story of the capture of It, as
related both, by the fisherman whose
boat It attacked and also by two In
dependent witnesses. The fisherman
was leisurely rowing on a calm day
close to the rock bound shore of one of
the fiords situated some fifty miles
north of Trondhjem. Suddenly a long
uud gjlstening arm swept over the
stem df the boat and remained there.
The fitjherman, astonished at this un
wonted apparition, dropped his oars
and sprang to his feet. Like magic
anothej- hideous looking arm shot over
the gunwale. The boat canted. The
man, Realizing that he was attacked
by some monster against which his
old fish knife was the only available
weapon, seized his oars nndtlabored
with might and main to get his boat
into a
yell fug
far off.
to dra
for thd
took t
slight
hung
in hhi.um:-:i:v voilk.
revers style. The s!eevp is very f::ll
from the shoulders to the deep cuff.
the latter reaching to the elbow and
decorated with a double ruflle of lace.
The skirt is laid in deep plaits stitched
down over the hips and flaring broad
ly to the tucked hem. Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
crevice of the rocks, all the time
for his mates, who were not
He had to strain every nerve
; his hideous cargo after him.
suckers never relaxed. When,
half exhausted, he got the bow of his
craft flthin reach of willing hands. It
io three men to haul It up a
Incline, for the monster still
pn, even over the bare rocks.
Then jthey belabored its head with
oars and clubs. Having safely secur
ed it, they sent off to the nearest sta
tion and telegraphed concerning their
It was at once purchased by
scum and carried there after it
m photographed. They stretch
arms out before preparing It.
The longest were each five alen. or ten
feet four Inches. In length. Over all,
together with the great carpet bag
the monster measured thirty
ross.
prize,
the mt
had be
ed its
body.
feet ac
"Walking Skirts.
Exit the sh.in. plain walking skirt.
If it must . but enter the short, elab
orate walking skirt. Women are at
last awake to the fact that It is the
length, not the elaborateness, which is
a crime on the street and that a much
trimmed skirt provided it clears the
ground bys-weral inches, elbow sleeves
and an ornate bodice are correct, even
economic.-;!, for certain kinds of wear.
feeling
Do i
Wait
either. There was no gold watch pres- j The discovery has brought with It a
entatlon, no eulogies were offered and , blessed relief, and the woman who
no speeches made, but Barney McDon
ald pulls the fast mall today over the
middle division and obeys orders strict
ly, ne considers that dry order one of
the best ever issued.
ENGLISH RED TAPE.
Censure For mi OlHeer Who Saved
Money For the "Wu'r Olliee.
A zealous young ollicer In South Af
rica who had a knowledge and love of
farming made his men collect oats
which fell lavishly by the wayside as
column after column carrying out hay
passed up country. He plowed some
land, sowed his oats nnd eventually
reaped his harvest This harvest.
which was a heavy one, saved the
country at least 2,000; But when his
accounts were sent hoirx the officials
at the war olliee could not understand
how they had come by something for
nothing. Such a thing had never hap
pened before. They impugned his mo
tives and accounts, and the least of Un
charges brought against him in a long
correspondence was that he had looted
the oats. Months passed, and still the
young ollicer had not been able to
convince the war office that he was
honest. Then a well known general In
tervened and testified that he himself
had watched the experiment In farm
ing by which the country had been
saved a considerable sum of money.
At last the war office ended the corre
spondence. Nothing that had been In
sinuated was withdrawn, although
nothing was pressed further. The olli
cer Is left with the correspondence on
his hands, and any onereadlng It
could not hesitate to pronounce It as
being In effect a severe censure. Man
Chester Guardian.
feels gaucherie in an elaborate srreet
gown outside of a carriage is throwing
this feelliu gleefully to the winds.
Boston Advertiser.
BATH BRIEFS.
and
Never bathe when overheated.
Never bathe when exhausted
ill.
ot prolong the bath beyond a
reasonable time.
more than two hours after a
Popular MnterlnlN.
English suitings that give a mannish
effect are displayed in many shades
ami are not only serviceable, but quite
handsome, when used for the tailor
made gowns.
Voile retains its popularity and is ex
hibited in all evening and street shades.
The louisine silks bid fair to meet
with favor. They are shown in stripes
and checks at popular prices.
meal before bathing.
In cold weather one should not go
out for some time after a hot bath.
Delicate people had better not bathe
until several hours after breakfast
The temperature of water for a cold
bath should range from 32 to 05 de
grees.
If you are chilly and a cold bath
makes you shiver it is hot the best sort
for you to take.
Dry
the body quickly, using a dry
bath bnush or a Turkish towel to stim
ulate c
rculation.
Opinions differ as to the relative
merits of a cold or a hot bath. Nei
ther kind will do for all. The Individ
ual con
ktitutiou must be consulted.
The i
Ilenutlful Etnhrolderie.
l-inest linens and linen lawns are
most beautiful when hand embroider
ed. Much of this work, especially
nbroad, Is done by the sisters in con-
rents, who patiently work and work
the fine threads into designs of such
outlined beauty that women will rave
over these embroideries and will pay
famous prices to tht convents for
them.
Unanimous.
risoner Is led from his cell into
THE QUEER MOROS.
Sonic of the Peenllnrlt le of Thin
Left Handed 1'eople.
To judge Moros by inflexible occi
dental standards of motives and mor
als Is to lose at once the key to the
situation. The very structure of their
language differentiates them from our
selves. Verbs are In the passive voice.
The man who was slashed and killed
provoked the trouble. The under dog
In the fight Is always the aggressor.
The thief Is not blamed for "finding"
things lying about at loose ends; the
man who lost the property Is the real
criminal besides, he Is a fool. If he
were a sensible man he would have
exercised vigilance against the ap
proach of the thief. Moros reverse ev
erything. Like all orientals, they ven
erate the past and their folklore; myths
and legends abound In tales not unlike
those of the "Arabian Nights' Enter
tainment" They turn to the left of the road, ex
tend the left hand naturally In greet
ing, and the scribes write from right;
to left turning the paper sldewlse, as
any left handed man would do.
A witty officer explained that the
preference for the left was due to the
desire to keep the right hand free In
the event a stranger should need some
thing done to him. The "explanation
may not be far from the truth. Chap-
Iain C. C. IViteman In Journal of tho
Military Service Institution.
DmN Trimming:.
Most, of the new short skirts are
trimmed with graduated bands of sat
in, velvet and taffeta. Fancy braid
ings are gaining favor among the tai
lors and. with embroideries, will be a
feature of the early spring season.
Thick. Hat. wide military braids will
be used and are very smart on cloth
gowns.
The Lingerie Hat.
For the new shape in lingerie hat
white crystalline is arranged in hand
kerchief points over the brim, these
being edged with a uarrow vaienci
The Dcflsnt Drummer.
"It was right funny," said Uncle
Hosea, telling of the orchestral con
cert. "A smart Aleck lookii:' feller set
In the middle, an' all ter oncet the lit
tle man at tho end o' the line hit the
big drum a sassy rap. Well, the smart
Aleck feller shakes a little stick at the
drummer, an' what does he do but hit
her up ag'in Jest ter show he was as
good ns the next man. An, by Jinks,
hq didn't take no back talk or. rather,
no orders from the smart Aleck man,
because he just kept a-whackin' that
big drum in spite o' the boss' n-shakln'
thnt stick, as if ter say he'd catch It if
he didn't quit. Yes, sir; I gloried in
his spunk, if he was little. An' at the
end o' the tune he whooped It up on
that drum harder than ever. A little
man for nerve every time."
A NEW SHAVE.
ennes lace. The crown Is low and
spreading, a thick niching of black
louisine encircling it, while a spray of
white camelllaB Is daintily posed In
front A bandeau lifts the shape off
the face and Is covered In white tulle.
New York Commercial Advertiser.
Smart tittle Coatn.
Separate coats are named as one of
the Innovations to come In the near
future. Some very smart little jackets
nnd blouses In black silk now shown
in the shops may be looked upon as
foreruiiHers of this development. They
nre trimmed with lace, tucks or fancy
stitching nnd nre exceedingly fetching.
Connuhial IIIInm.
Brother I trust that you are happy
with your husband, Maud? Maud
Ob, yes, ns happy as one can expect
to be with n man who is talking of
himself half the time and of his first
wife the other half.
the presence of his seven wives, for
having which number he Is about to
answer to the law.
"John." cries wife No. 1, "see where
your fqlly has led you."
In a dazed manner he looked at the
array of women.
"How dared you?" demands No. 2.
"Wretch!" shout No. 3 and No. 4.
"Villain:" exclaim No. 5 and No. G.
Nervously he clutches the arm of his
guard.
"Have you no excuse, perfidious
man: demands No. i.
Wiping his beaded brow with trem
bling fingers, he at length stammers
"I I-l must have been crazy."
"You Certainly were!" agree the sev
en wives, each looking meaningly at
the other six. Chicago Tribune.
HER PRECIOUS SPOONS.
She Used Them For Show at Laac
con "With Diaaatroua Result.
Considerable quiet laughter has been
going on among the guests at a lunch
eon given by a young West Philadel
phia bride the other day to the attend
ants at her wedding. There had been
among the hostess' presents at the
time of her marriage a particularly
beautiful set of spoons, and, while she
had no occasion to use them at this
particular luncheon, she thought that
she would put one beside each cover
for well, Just for Instance.
Unfortunately, however, there was
one stranger In the merry little com
pany which sat down about the table,
a pretty, outspoken, somewhat "gushy"
young woman from the west, and It
was she who caused all the trouble.
As the luncheon neared Its end and
it became apparent that the spoons
were not for use she kept eying the
one at her place, and finally she burst
foijth with this flash of Inspiration:
"These spoons what perfectly lovely
souvenirs!" V
The chorus of praise was immediate
ly taken up by all about the board:
The confused hostess found Explana
tion impossible, and every guest went
away from the house with one of those
precious spoons. Philadelphia Press.
GOING SCOT FREE.
Old
The Source From Which This
Saying: Emanated.
The origin of the old saying, "Going
scot free," is this: Scot from the Anglo-Saxon
"sceot," a portion, signified
in old law a customary tax or contri
bution laid on subjects according to
their ability and embraced all paro
chial assessments. The conclusion is
obvious namely, that to escape "scot
free" was to avoid all such payments
of dues and taxes.
Before the reform act the right to
vote for parliamentary and municipal
officers was vested exclusively in pay
ers of "scot and lot" Rastall (1558)
speaks of It as a certain tallage for tho
use of the sheriff or his bailiff, and In
Kent the usual rates paid in Romney
marsh for repairing sea walls are
known by the same name.
"Scot," says Camden, "is that which
from various sources Is gathered Into.
one heap" literally that which is
'shot" into a general fund, from the
Dutch and low German "schot" This
maj- have come to us through the old
French "escot," diner a escot to dine
at an ordinary where each guest paid
ds "shot," and any one who did not
contribute would be said to get off
'scot free." London Answers.
THE WORD HUMBUG.
There Are Various Plausible Expla
nations of Its Origin.
The word "humbug" has been traced
back to the title page of "The Uni
versal Jester, a choice collection of
merry conceits, bonmots and hum
bugs, by Ferdlnando Kllllgrew, Lon
don, 1735-40." The following nre the
most plausible and possible derivations:
In the time of James II. a worthless
coin was minted at Dublin from a soft
mixed metal, which became known as
ulm bog, pronounced Ooombug 1. e..
soft copper, worthless money.
Some see in It a corruption of Ham
burg, from which town so many false
reports came during the war of 1709
ISOb that such news was received
with "Oh, that Is a Hamburgl"
Others refer it to hum, in the sense
of hoax, and bug, in the old sense of
bugbear. Others say It Is merely hum
buzz, used in combination to signify
sound without sense. Others, again,
think that it was first applied to Hom
berg. a chemist nnd an ardent seeker
of the philosopher's stone. Notes and
Queries.
Butter as Medicine.
Blnirlcal EnVot of the Snnnhlre. """" -uu"uuu " .muij
To the sapphire has been ascribed Miat. peoPle use 11 ana arcelr ever
the following magical properties: That
it prevents wicked thoughts; that It is
such an ieuemy to poison that If put In
a glass -Ith a spider or venomous rep
tile it will kill it. St Jerome In his
think what wonderful value lies at
their hands in the pats of dainty yel
low cream fat But this delicate fat is
as valuable as the dearer cod liver oil
for the weakly, thin people, and doc-
cxposltion of the nineteenth chapter of to hnv frequently recommended the
t-'uuug oi uiuuy uiiu sncea oi Qreau.
Isaiah says that the sapphire procures
favor vjlth princes, pacifies enemies,
frees from enchantment and obtains
release from captivity. This gem was
sacred to Apollo and was worn when
Inquirjng of the oracle at his shrine.
It was esteemed as a remedy against
fevers.
Sleeping In n Cannon
Tho interior of a cannon Is perhaps
the last place In the world one would
assoclato with a siesta, and yet India
possesses a gun which Is capacious
enough to form a chamber where of
ficers retire for a siesta during the
heat of the day. This cannon, which
thickly spread with butter as a means
of pleasantly taking into the bodily
tissues one of the purest forms of fat
It Is possible to get Butter la a car
bon, and all excess of It Is stored up
as fat in the body. It gives energy
and power to work to those who eat
heartily of it; so It is not economy at
table to spare the butter even to tho
healthy folk.
Flayer Xails and Disease.
It is interesting to watch the history
of a case of disease as recorded upon
the finger nails. When wo look at the
patient's nails, we see on each of them
Is beyond question the largest In the a distinct ridge, showing that the por-
world, is probably also one of the old- tl" of the nail which has grown since
the acute attack Is much thinned out
If a person has broken hla arm within
eighteen months, the ridges on the
nails of the hand of the affected arm
mny be seen, while they will be absent
on the other hand. The more acute
Gin Eyes. thf Illness tho shnrner will he th
The earliest notice of artificial eyes rI(lge. Extreme anxiety and mental
depression have the same effect on
the nails as physical disease.
est It was cast nearly -100 years ago
by a famous chief of Ahniednugger,
and came Into English possession
when India was conquered. London
Standard.
II Ih IniprcnNlon.
"Of course j'ou believe that polyga
my Is wrong," said tho man who was
discussing the Mormon question.
"My dear sir," answered Mr. Meek
ton, "It Is not only wrong. It's fool
hnrdy." Wasli-ngton Star.
I am acquainted with occurs In a very
rare work by the French surgeon Am
brose Pare, entitled "La Methode Cura
tive des Playes et Fractures de la Teste
FTunialne." Paris. 1501. Pare gives
a description nnd figures of artificial
eyes to be worn In cases where the
eyeball has given way and ail the hu
mors Have escaped. They are to be
segments of a hollow sphere, made of
gold, coated with enamel painted In
natural colors. With the exception of
the gold, they nre exactly like the eyes
In use at the present time, which are
made wholly of glass. Notes nnd Queries.
Fortune Through Failure.
"I owe my success In life to politics."
"Why, I didn't know that you had
ever held office."
"I never have, but I ran for office
once nnd ,got so badly beaten that I
turned from politics in disgust and
took up the line that has brought me a
fortune."-rChlcago Record-Herald.
IUffht and Left Handed.
It Is curious to notice the vagaries of
humanity in cases where no hard and
fast line has been already drawn. Al
though most right handed persons put
on their coats left arm first a consid
erable percentage thrust In the right
first Soldiers fire from the right
shoulder, but sportsmen are found who
prefer the left In working with a
spade a proportion of right handed
men grasp the spade with the left
hand and push with the left foot and
right hand, though when using an ax
the samo Individuals would grasp
farthest down with the right Cham
bers' Journal.
Too Violent nn Innovation.
"You tojd me you had an original
lden In vonr novel."
1 hnoV'hvns thp ronW "hut th ,iJ ',a sat behind Mm and laughed. Un
Usher discovered It in tho nroof iwt frunately the gun kicked, and the
How It Happened.
Is it true, ma," asked the little rab
bit, "that pa was shot by an amateur
gunner?"
"Certainly not," replied the mother
rabbit "You see, the amateur gunner
was shooting at me, while your poor
and made
ton Star.
me take it out" Washing-
man sat down on your pa and killed
tiim." Philadelphia Press.